Back to Equestria

        “So you can breathe fire.”

        “Yes.”

        “But you can also breathe, like, magic-fire.”

        “Yes.”

        “Is there a difference?”

        Spike scratched his chin. “Well, when I send letters, there’s a bit more ‘oomph’ in it.”

        Marty nodded. “Uh-huh. So, what if you, like, burned down a house with the magic-fire?”

        “Oh, actually, if it doesn’t burn all the way by the time I finish blowing, then it becomes normal fire.” Spike casually picked up a volume off of the floor. “It takes a little while to finish sending a whole book, for example.”

        Marty and Spike were sitting in the Library’s basement, casually chatting. Doc and Twilight Sparkle were discussing physics, and getting along famously. (He had already autographed her book.)

        Both assistants had tried to help, but it quickly became apparent that their services were not particularly required. The scientists were currently discussing heat dispersal, and they were discussing, well, life.

        “And it always goes to your princess?”

        “Uhh, yeah. But she can send ‘em to anyone with the spell equipped. Most ponies just use enchanted lanterns, though, but Twilight thinks it was originally designed for dragon assistants such as myself.”

        “That’s pretty cool, man.”

        “Not as cool as electric guitar!” Marty had brought his Walkman along, and the dragon assistant had taken to it immediately. “I still can’t believe you can make all of that sound with your fingers.”

        “Well, the fingers are just a part of it. There’s lots of cables and magnets involved.”

        “But it’s still just like a normal guitar, right?”

        Marty nodded, then asked his own question. “Hang on, how do you know about guitars? I’m pretty sure the ponies around here can’t play it with hooves.”

        “Well, other species have digits, too. And opposable thumbs.” He waggled his own thumbs, for emphasis. “Some gryphon guitarists have gained a lot of speed in Vinyl Scratch’s club.”

        “Far out. Do you know where I could get one of those?”

        “A record?”

        The young human chuckled. “Naw, man, a guitar.”

        “Man?”

        “Turn of phrase.”

        Spike pondered it for a moment. “There’s a music shop in town. I’m pretty sure they have at least one, for concerts and stuff.”

        “Great!” Marty clapped his hands together. “I haven’t practiced since yesterday.” He furrowed his brow. “Um, sorta. Whatever, man. Time travel.”

        “We had an incident with time travel a while ago, you know.”

        “What?”

        “Yeah. There’s a time spell that you can ‘only use once’. Twilight kinda drove herself crazy fulfilling a parachute.”

        “Paradox?”

        “Yeah, that.”

        Marty whistled. “Those are dangerous. Apparently you can blow up the universe with one of those. We almost had one of those, but my girlfriend was lucky enough to just faint, instead.”

        “Blow up the universe?!?”

        Marty leaned back, glancing back and forth. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that can happen.”

        The dragon chuckled. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible liar?”

        “No. Never.” Marty deadpanned. “Seriously, though, I think Doc may have exaggerated some of those claims. I think he just wanted to stop us from messing with things too much.”

        “Yeah, but why are-”

        Spike was abruptly cut off by a loud banging noise from upstairs. “Spike!” Twilight said, without looking at him. “Could you get the door?”

        The purple dragon groaned. “Alright, Twilight.” He ascended the stairs, grumbling.

        The door to the basement slammed shut, and Marty was left alone. Doc and Twilight were still discussing science. “So, uh, what are you guys up to?”

        Doc abruptly turned around and wagged a finger at him. “Magic. Is. Impossible.”

        “It’s not impossible!” The purple unicorn turned around as well. “It just has it’s own set of rules that can disobey physics!”

        “Nothing can disobey physics!” Doc was exceptionally adamant.

        “Light disobeys physics! Electrons! Radio Talk-Shows!” So was Twilight.

        “That is completely different!”

        “How, wise-guy?”

        It struck Marty that their conversation was less discussing science and more arguing about it. He briefly wondered how long they’d been doing that. The discussion was cut short, however, by a rainbow-colored blur, which entered the room a moment later.

        “Twilight!” Twilight was being assaulted by another pony, a pegasus. It was light-blue in color, with a brightly-striped mane. Wings sprouted from its back. I’m pretty sure that’s a girl pony, Marty thought.

        “You know there’s a Pinkie Party happening in two hours!?”

        Twilight’s eyes shot open. “What?!?”

Yep. Almost entirely certain.

        “Yeah! She’s throwing it for the two new ponies in town!”

        “We’re not ponies.” Doc cut in.

There is like a ninety-nine percent chance that that is a female pegasus. It would be terrible of me to assume otherwise.

        “Fine, the two new ‘whatever-the-hell-you-are’s. That’s not important! What’s important is that she keeps trying to get me to help her!”

        “So, why don’t you help her?” Twilight was in no mood for games.

I am so completely sure that it’s a ‘she’ that I’m not even going to think about it anymore. Because that’s how sure I am. Probably.

“It’s four p.m., Twi! It’s the middle of my nap time!”

        “Well, I can’t really come, I’m in the middle of something. Why don’t you take Spike? Or hell, even Marty?” The unicorn scientist pointed a hoof at the human teenager.

Without a doubt. Female. Totally.

“You!” The blue pegasus sped over to Marty’s face, glaring at him angrily.

        “Yes, uh, Sir!”

        “Sir?!?!”

Crap. “Uh... ma’am?”

        The pegasus flipped her shit. “Oh, that’s great. Just great. Not only am I missing out on my nap, but this alien thinks I’m a colt!” She rubbed her hooves against her temples. “Auuuunnngh.”

        “Ah! Sorry! I didn’t mean that.” Marty stood, raising his hands in the air. She continued to glare at him. “You just sounded, uh, tougher than I expected! And I don’t really know what you’re supposed to look like, and I didn’t want to make any assumptions, and-”

        “Can it, baldy. You’re gonna set up this party, and I’m gonna finish my nap. Kapeiche?”

        He nodded. “Good.” Marty suddenly found himself being shoved up the staircase. The rainbow mare called out behind him. “Thanks, Twilight!”

        “No problem!” the voice called from below. “And bring Spike, he needs something to do!”

        “Maaaan. Why do I have to come?”

        “Because you value a good work ethic, shorty.”

        Marty and Spike walked down the street, heading towards a place called ‘Sugarcube Corner’. The human continued to elicit several stares from the four-legged inhabitants, but by now he was no stranger to it.

        “I think Rainbow Dash is just lazy.” the dragon huffed, crossing his arms. Marty just laughed and continued walking.

        The building they approached looked like a giant gingerbread house. Lined inside the shop window were a variety of cakes and pastries. Spike continued past the windows and strode through the door, but Marty lingered. He hadn’t eaten anything since the diner.

        “Hey! Human!” Spike’s yelling drew him back to reality (hang on, this isn’t reali- oh no wait all that stuff happened. Right) and he entered the pastry shop.

        Inside were several tables, and another glass display case and counter at the far end. Streamers and banners hung from every wall, and balloons were tied to each table. Marty saw two slightly older-looking ponies manning the kitchen in the back room, and spied a familiar face. “Hey, you’re that pony who exploded.”

        A pink earth pony, currently busy tying up another banner, turned her head. “OH! Hi! You’re the new pony that the party’s for! But you’re not really a pony! Oh, this is gonna be the best non-pony party ever!”

        Marty rubbed his ears, trying to calm the ringing. Ow. “Yes, that’s right. I was-”

        “OH! But it was supposed to be a surprise party! But not really I guess not a lot of them actually are surprises. I guess I should tell fewer ponies about them! But then no one would come. Isn’t that silly?”

        Marty was prepared for the noise this time, and had his ears covered with his hands. “Um, yes. I was just saying, me and Spike were sent here to help you, erm, prepare, but you seem to have it all well under control.”

        “Are you CRAZY?!?!” Marty’s hands weren’t enough. My poor ears...

        The pink party pony continued. “We still have banners to put up! And streamers! And games! And balloons and cakes and treats and punch and music and tablecloths and trash cans...”

        The confused human looked at Spike, who simply shrugged, his own claws shoved firmly against either side of his head. Marty returned to the pink one.

        “...and mops and handwash and bottled water (you can’t drink punch all the time!) and seating arrangements and napkins and fun facts and HUUHHHH!!” She inhaled. “It’s gonna be so much FUN!”

        “Uh, okay. I’m Marty.”

        The small pink horse smiled so wide Marty was certain the top of her head would fall off. “I’m Pinkie Pie! I do parties!”

        “Undoubtedly.” Marty glanced around. “Where can I start?”

        “Pinkie, what type of cupcakes do you want?”

        “Oh, silly Spike, I want all of the cupcakes! But that would give me a tummy ache.”

        Marty was hanging yet another set of streamers from the ceiling. Once again, he called into question the motives behind this party. Not that he minded, but it didn’t seem to have anything to do with them.

        The teenager had thought Doc was being irrational, when the inventor had grown frustrated at their illogical arrival. Now, though, he understood how ‘nothing making sense’ could be frustrating.

        Pinkie Pie evidently held a party at least once a week, and each time, she invited the whole town. Spike had assured him that the party would have been held anyway, so there was no use objecting.

        The preparations were almost done, and the party was in half-an-hour. Marty stepped down from the ceiling and Pinkie Pie jumped in his face again. “Augh!”

        “Heya Marty! You know you have a really great name! Marty-Marty-Marty-Marty! That’s fun to say!”

        He slowly nodded, rubbing his temples. This is why I’m never having children, he thought. Oh, wait. Dammit.

        “Anyways, thanks for helping me with the party! Here ya go.” The pink pony shoved a small bag into the teenager’s hands. As he held it, he heard a distinctive metal sound from within.

        “What’s this?”

        Pinkie smiled brightly. “Money! You helped me a whole lot. And you haven’t practiced since yesterday-sort-of, right?!?!”

        Marty pondered her words. “Yeah, that’s right.” Hang on. “Wait, how-?”

        “No time for talking now! Goodbye!” She abruptly turned Marty around with her hooves and shoved him out into the street, which was already growing dark, then sent Spike through the air along with him. “Be back for the party! You can bring your guitar! OH!”

        The pink pony clapped a hoof to her forehead. “I also need you to wake up Rainbow Dash! She’s probably still sleeping!”

        Marty rose to his feet, brushing dirt off of his vest. “No problem, Pinkie Pie. Y’alright, Spike?”

        “I’m fine.” the small dragon grumbled. “This happens a lot.”

        “Do you know where that music shop is?”

        Spike’s eyes grew wide. “Yeah! Let’s go!” He bounced to his feet and sped down the road.

Marty followed. “Later, Pinkie.” he waved.

“Don’t forget to be surprised!”

“Will do.”

Marty turned and ran after the dragon, who was by now far ahead. After several minutes of running, he found Spike leaning against a storefront.

Contrary to the rest of Ponyville’s buildings, this shop was made of brick, with a dark front window that displayed nothing. He looked to Spike, who nodded. Shrugging, the human walked inside.

He had to duck again, to fit through the door. The interior of the store looked the same as the exterior, with brick walls and a high, wooden ceiling. A glass display case acted as a counter, filled with harmonicas and flutes. The wall behind the counter held many larger instruments, including an ornate, golden lyre.

Further back in the building was a bookshelf, filled with slim music books, and a small stage. Surprisingly, there were amps on either side of the small platform.

There was, however, no-one else in the shop. “Where is everybody?”

Spike mouthed the word ‘everybody’ to himself, confusion on his face. “Uh, I dunno. Usually Vinyl or Gibson are here, but...”

Marty spied a small silver service bell, on top of the display case. He reached a hand out and rung it. Almost immediately, voices could be heard, emanating from below the floor.

“Scratch! You deaf filly!” A gravelly voice shouted loudly. “Customers!”

“On it!” A much younger voice replied. A moment later, hoofsteps could be heard from behind the stage, getting closer with each step, as the pony evidently climbed some stairs.

The hoofsteps ceased, and a white unicorn strode out of the back. She had an electric-blue mane in a swept-round haircut, and wore dark purple sunglasses.

The unicorn did not look at them, instead looking straight forward as she took her place behind the counter. Only once she was directly in front of them did she turn to face her two customers.

She looked up at Marty. “Woah! You’re something new, bud. Hey, Spike.” She gave a small salute to the young dragon, who returned the gesture.

“So what can I do for you gentlemen today?”

If it hadn’t been for Spike’s quick gender-identification lesson while they worked at Sugarcube Corner, the time traveler would have immediately pegged the unicorn as a guy, albeit with a slightly high-pitched voice. More than that, though, she seemed laid-back, and easygoing. Definitely a fellow fan of music.

Spike spoke up. “He needs a guitar, Vinyl.”

“A guitar? Far out!” she smiled dumbly for a second. “That’s pretty rad, my bipedal friends. Hang on.” She ducked under the counter and rummaged around for a bit. “Here it is.”

With one hoof, she placed an acoustic guitar on top of the glass. But it was unlike any guitar Marty had ever seen before.

The head and fretboard were identical to a standard acoustic, right down to the marks along the side. The body, however, was shaped like a large talon, round on all sides, curving to the left. The hole in the center was shaped like a fleur-de-lis, and a bridge protruded gently from beneath it, keeping the strings straight, before they tied themselves to the curved surface. A thin leather strap was hooked on to it.

He picked it up in his hands, gingerly. It was perfectly balanced, so he turned and slipped the strap over his head, gently strumming. The curved portion of the talon-shaped instrument hooked up, under his arm.

A wide smile broke out on Marty’s face, and he belted out a blues riff, thankful to once again indulge in his favorite pastime.

After a few minutes of playing, he stopped and looked down at the two other beings in the shop. They both were struck with looks of awe, accompanied by huge grins.

Spike threw his arms up. “Dude! That was amazing!”

“Pretty gnarly, bro. That was some fine shit. You have any records?” The DJ pony asked.

He laughed. “Not yet, but we’re getting there. Me and the band, I mean.” Marty rubbed his fingers, aware of the strange feel of the guitar’s strings. “What is this? Twine?”

“Yeah, man. Best strings on the market. They come with the guitar.” She noticed his blank expression. “They’re enchanted so they never break or go out of tune.”

The human teenager brightened considerably at that. “No way.”

Vinyl Scratch once again smiled. “Way. So, you gonna buy that?”

“A guitar that never needs new strings?” Marty scoffed. “Hell yeah! How much?”

“Well, Gibson down there says sixty bits, but he’s a crook.” She chuckled. “How much ya got?”

He removed the bag he had obtained from Pinkie Pie from his vest, setting it on the glass. Vinyl picked it up in one hoof. “Eh, this’ll do it. I’ll throw in a big discount due to the fact that you’re the only one here who’s gonna get anything from it.” She tossed it under the counter.

“Thanks, ma’am.”

“Call me Vinyl.”

“Well, thanks again, Vinyl.” Spike said goodbye, and the two assistants walked out the door.

Marty began playing again as they walked, earning more stares from the ponies on the street. These stares, however, bore more smiles than scowls.

He decided to ask the dragon a question. “Hey, what the hell can she play with hooves, anyway?”

“Oh, unicorns can play lots of things,” Spike said, “But she’s a DJ.”

Marty chuckled, and continued playing.

“Clouds? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s insane.”

Spike shrugged. “What? I mean, birds do it.”

Marty shook his head. “Not where I come from. How do we get up there?”

They were standing beneath a large, white castle, that was floating in the sky.

“Well, you fly.” the dragon said.

“Oh, obviously. I guess I should be more surprised that I have to fly up to a castle made of clouds to wake up a rainbow pegasus so we can go to to a party. But really I’m not.” He turned towards Spike. “Can you fly?”

Spike looked at the ground uncomfortably. “I, uh, don’t know. Not yet, at any rate.”

“Well, that’s fine. I know what we can do.” the human grinned, turning and walking back towards the library.

The purple dragon bounced after him. “What? Maybe we can get another pegasus to fly up there?”

“No, no, trust me. This is much better.”

“Well, what is it?”

They turned a corner, and the large tree house came into view. Instead of heading inside, however, Marty continued walking past it, coming to a stop in front of the battered DeLorean, instead.

Spike grew visibly panicked. “Wait, we’re gonna use that thing?”

“Why not? It flies.” Marty opened the driver-side door and sat down inside.

“Yeah, but that’s, like, dangerous! And... weird!”

“Chill out, man. These things are all over the place, where I come from.” He turned the ignition, and the engine roared to life. “Besides, it’s not like we’re going far.”

The young dragon took a step forward. “Is it... safe?”

Marty shrugged. “Sure. The ruby’s not in here anymore, so we should be fine.”

Spike hesitated a moment more, then darted towards the other side of the car. Marty opened the door for him, and he eagerly sat on the faux-leather seat. Now over his fear, Marty noticed that the young dragon seemed very interested in flying.

With the engine already rumbling, the teenager tentatively pressed his foot on the gas. The DeLorean rose several feet in the air, humming loudly. “Close the door, Spike.”

“Huh? Oh, right.” Spike reached up for the gull-wing door, pulling it closed. Satisfied, Marty swerved the vehicle around. The dragon gripped the armrests in the chair.

“Alright, I’m gonna take it slow. Okay?”

“O-okay.”

The silver car lurched forward, then steadily began to move, slowly rising as it did so. Spike paled, but said nothing.

Marty brought the car high into the air. Turning, he could see the small cluster of buildings below, the masses of ponies living there resembling ants. Both occupants were amazed at the scenery of the valley before them.

It was no less majestic than when the teenager had looked at it before. Tall, snow-tipped mountains, filled with lush green acres. Other settlements could be seen in the distance, the closest being the ornate city atop the mountain. The young human briefly wondered what their grand entrance was thought of.

“Wow!” Spike pressed his face close to the shattered glass. “Now that’s a view!”

Marty accelerated, bringing the vehicle in a large loop above the town. After a moment, he leveled out, and brought the DeLorean closer to the ground. Marty slowly navigated towards Rainbow Dash’s cloud castle, pulling to a stop in front of it.

He turned towards Spike. “Do you know what part she’d be sleeping in?”

The dragon nodded. “Uh-huh. I think her bedroom’s supposed to be in the very top.”

Marty rolled his shoulders. “Let’s hope we don’t wake her up before we get there. Keep quiet.” He slowly pushed the car upwards, until they were level with what he assumed would be the top floor.

Ahead of him was a small hole, in the cloud wall. The sordid rumbling of the engine was the only thing to be heard. He drove the DeLoran forward a few feet, lining up Spike’s shattered window with the opening. “She asleep?”

“Yeah.” Spike giggled, sticking his head out of the window. “Now what?”

“Cover your ears.” The small dragon pressed his hands to his head.

Marty rolled his head on his shoulders, feeling very mischievous. He reached up and pressed his palm against the center of the wheel.

BEEEEEEEEEE-

“BUCK!” Marty heard shouting inside of the cloud house. “What in Celestia’s name is ALL THAT BUCKING NOISE!?”

        -EEEEEEEEEE-

        The blue pegasus appeared at the window. The human driver glanced over and waved. “Heya, Miss Dash!” he yelled.

Spike was laughing in his chair, unheard over the horn.

        -EEEEEEEEEE-

        “Turn off that bucking noise, alien!”

        “What? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the horn!”

        -EEEEEEEEEE-

        “I SAID TURN IT OFF OR I’LL KICK YOUR FLANK TO THE DIRT!”

        -EEEEEp.

        Marty pretended to scoff. “Why, such crude language!” Spike burst into another round of guffaws.

        Rainbow’s face was twisted in rage. “Ohhh, you’re gonna get it, you shaved freak. Why the hay did you wake me up in the middle of my nap?”

        The human driver shrugged. “We were sent by Pinko, there’s a party soon.”

        “Pinko?”

        Spike spoke up. “He means Pinkie, Dash.”

        “Pinkie? why didn’t she just send Fluttershy?” The dragon shrugged. “Well, whatever. When is it?”

        “Six.”

        “As if. That’s in five minutes.”

        Marty blinked, then casually flicked on the time circuits, which among other things, made for a very accurate clock. “Well, look at that. Time flies when you’re dicking around in a flying car.” He looked at the pegasus again. “Ah, well. I guess we’re gonna be late. Which isn’t exactly the most stressful-”

        “Late?!? To a PINKIE PARTY!?!” Rainbow Dash and Spike spoke in unison.

        “That is extremely completely utterly bad.” Dash looked around nervously. “I gotta split! If you value your sanity, you’ll book it, too.”

        Without a word, she soared into the sky, leaving behind a rainbow contrail. Trippy.

Spike snapped his fingers impatiently. “Come on, Marty! We can’t be late. Ever.”

        “There’s no way it’s that bad. What’s Pinkie gonna do, nonsense me to death?”

        The small dragon nodded, his expression eerily somber.

        Marty paled. “Right. Off we go.”

        After the two assistants returned the time machine to the library, Marty slung his new guitar onto his back, and they ran quickly through the town. “We’re... not... gonna... make it!” Spike shouted between breaths.

        “Oh... yes we are!” the human began sprinting with all his might, leaving the small dragon in the dust.

        “Wait!” Spike shouted, “Don’t leave meeeee!”

        Sugarcube Corner came into view, a small crowd of ponies visible inside the shop. Pinkie Pie was standing in the doorway, tapping her hoof.

        Marty didn’t bother slowing down, slamming his shoulder into the doorway to stop. “Ooh, damn, that’s gonna hurt tomorrow.” He coughed, catching his breath. “Hey, Pinkie! Spike’s coming. I mean, he was doing something for me. We’re here. On time, Right?”

        The pink pony narrowed her eyes, leaning closer into Marty’s face. He forced himself to breathe slowly, anticipation rising inside of him. She leaned in closer, her face taking on a look of...

        “Yep! That was close, too!”

        ...happiness. Marty relaxed, releasing a breath. “Yeah, definitely close! Waking up the rainbow-colored one was a bit more difficult than I anticipated.”

        Pinkie Pie nodded happily. “Don’t worry about it! Hi, Spike!” She waved in the distance, as the small dragon jogged towards the store, panting.

        She returned to the human. “Didja bring your guitar?” He nodded, swinging the instrument around from behind his back. “Great! Come on it, there’s a lot of ponies who wanna meet ya!”

        She turned and began to walk into the shop, but stopped and turned her head around. “Oh! And one of my bestest-best friends wants to meet you specifically! I bet you’re really gonna like her!”

        Marty followed the party horse into the building. Up-beat music and light conversation filled the room. “Oh yeah? Twilight told me about some of your friends, which one-”

        He was cut off as he came eye-to-eye with another female pony, fluttering in the air. In its hooves, it held a very familiar object.

        Marty’s Walkman. “Hey, where’d you get that?” he asked. “I thought I left it in the library.”

        The pony looked down. “Oh, um, I’m sorry.” The yellow pegasus landed on the ground, shuffling its hooves nervously. “Could you... possibly, um, make it work again? Mister Doc let me borrow it, but I couldn’t start the music over”

        He looked at the tape inside of the small device. “You like this?”

        The shy pony nodded, a small smile gracing her face. “Yes. Very much.”

        Marty shook his head in disbelief. “Sure thing, miss.”

        “I-is something wrong?” She looked like she was about to cry.

“No! Nothing’s wrong. I just wouldn’t really have pegged you as an Aerosmith fan.”