I Have Nothing Left
by Gabushe Shy
I have lost my virginity tonight. I have lost it and I do not even regret it. no, I have nothing to regret, I am happy and I enjoyed my day. I knew that I could not be in any kind of relationship with the mare that I have lost my virginity to tonight. It was a forbidden love and we both needed a normal life. I know how hard it was for Lyra and Bon Bon to get back to normal life after accepting their relationship and I could not do this to the mare I loved. I know that I will need to explain all this mess and I am certainly not looking forward to it in any way. So I think that I should start with explaining if I want to end in some acceptable time.
It all started happenin few months ago when I was at my best friends house, we were just hanging out like we did every week and we were talking about all sorts of things including but not limited to: past and current crushes, cute stallions and what do we want to study. It even seemed like a normal day and all that jazz down to the bird songs. It was a great day. Before my best friend Flitter dumped on me the fact that her older sister just graduated from the Weather Academy. I knew that my ears perked up because of the Weather Academy but that wasn't the point that dragged me back into the conversation - it was the fact that Flitter older sister was coming back to Ponyville from the Weather Academy. I only faintly remember her, she left for the Weather Academy the same year that me and Flitter started high school and became friends.
I am pretty sure that Flitter did not know it, but I was trying to get to the Weather Academy for ages and a pony that I knew that graduated this year was giving me some private lessons on how to survive The Academy and the fact that a sister of my best friend graduated from it just raised my chances to actually get into the Weather Academy.
the conversation slowly started to drift other ways and me and Flitter started talking about other things and the theme of the Weather Academy slipped my and Flitter mind. I was on the verge of forgetting it entirely if not for Flitter, my private tutor stepping into the room. At first I was confused and I was not sure what was happening but then I realized why was she so familiar - she was Flitter sister, the pony that I remembered faintly and... the pony that I was nursing my crush on. Yes I loved Cloudchaser and had been crushing on her from the first time since the private tutoring lessons started.
The mare in question had spiky, electric blue mane and tail that had icy white streaks running through it and levander coat fairly similar to my and Flitters coat. We greeted each other and Cloudchaser joined our conversation. It was fairly normal conversation in which Flitter took care of most of the conversation that revolved around Cloudchasers studies and the Weather Academy.
All this happened not even a year ago and mine and Cloudchasers relationship slowly evolved from mere student teacher relationship to more relaxed studdy buddies relationship and finally to friendship. We began seeing each other even outside of our Weather Academy lessons and we were sometimes accompanied by Flitter and other times not. We had the tendency to stay up to the wee hours and I must say - these were great times for me and Cloudchaser. The only side effect that our friendship had was that my crush on Cloudchaser never seemed to stop growing and instead it was starting to reach astronomical numbers.
What I did not know and I regret that I did not even catch the very visible signs was the fact that Cloudchaser also had some strong feelings for me and did practically nothing to hide it. I wish that I wasn't so blind and that I could change the past so this relationship would not be doomed. Even if most ponies tell me that the relationship was doomed from the start I believe that I just made a wrong turn somewhere along the road.
I had to take the test in the middle of spring so when the previous fall rolled over and when winter came me and Cloudchaser saw each other on every single step we took. Cloudchaser even went the additional step and she sometimes stayed the night. It was only her second or third sleepover that I sensed something. And that was late in the winter for Celestial sake! I was so blind to all the signals she sent. I am so sorry for her.
As the time of the test came I became super nervous and I was scared that I would not make it and that Cloudchaser will cut all the ties that she had with me just to not be embarrassed.
I do not know if Cloudchaser actually sensed my nervousness or what but the last few days before the test she spent comforting me and telling me that it will be okay and that I will make it.
The day that I had to take the test came and with it my nervousness reached numbers that nopony would think of. But it reached them and the freakout I caught would make Princess Twilight Sparkle proud. Cloudchaser spent the whole trip to Cloudsdale comforting me that I would not fail and even if I would she would be there for me. I really love that mare and I love that she looks out for me when I can not do it by myself.
When I entered the test chamber I was surprised that I was alone but looking back it was probably wise of the testers to separate us. To say the test was hard would be an understatement, even the easiest questions were something like how many raindrops are in average cloud. It was hard. But I knew all the answers for test and I - thank Celestia - passed.
When Cloudchaser found out about the wonderful news of me being accepted to The Academy she told me that this calls for a celebration. It was nothing big, just us - two friends celebrating my success. Cloudchaser deciding that this called for a sleepover asked Flitter if she wanted to join us but she just told her - and I quote - ‘I do not want to get between you and Cloudkicker’ I wanted to lash out at her because of the inappropriate comment but I decided that I won't do it.
I do not know what dumb idea hit us but we decided to sleep in one bed. Right now I understand even less our dumb idea but that idea was to make out. And we did. We made out. We said and did some other dumb things and the most important is most likely the fact that we decided to become marefriends.
And that is the story, the story of how I lost my virginity and the story how I destroyed both the life of me and a mare that I was proud to call my marefriend.
Author's Note
Blame coffee.
Keep in mind that I am a non native speaker so feedback will be appreciated.
