A cheesy leader.

by Black Owl

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Other, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3622

The rats of Equestria finally have a king, and his name is Rico. Rico is a gigantic rat that can walk on two legs, is immune to poison and disease and loves cheese. You know, normal rat things. And let's not forget, he's an idiot!

What happens when you break a gigantic magical crystal and then throw it in the sewers? The answer is Rico, the King of the Rats. A rat that got hit with a gigantic power released from the crystal that landed on him. Which gave birth to mutations that gave him immunity to all poisons and diseases, that and control over all the other rats, making him the new rat king. However, with the newly acquired intelligence, he quickly got bored of his servants's idiocy. So what does he do? Tries to steal all the cheese in Equestria, to make a country of rats, with cheese treated as gold? Also showers are illegal.

Published 2017-07-13 11:10:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-04 16:32:10 UTC

Cheesy crime.

Author's Note

Well, this will be interesting... This is a story I though about and decided, why not. So here you go, the rat king with cheese puns!

Cheesy crime.

It all happened in a flash, I was just minding my rodent business eating my favorite cheese with my flees, until some asshole threw a powerful crystal down in the sewers. Well, I guess it's not that bad. Why you ask? Cuz I'm the king! And you know what that means? I get all the cheese! Muahahhahaha.

Anyway, a little bit about myself. I'm Rico, I was a rat that lived in the Canterlot sewers. I was a pretty dangerous rat, I once stole Celestia's cheese cake! I really enjoyed the company of my flees, drinking poisons and eating cheese. However, with my transformation I obtain more knowledge and the control over my retarded brothers!

Aaaaaaaaanyway, when I became more bipedal, I realized I needed some clothes. So I did what normal people do, I made myself a crossbow and attacked a clothes shop with my ~~slaves~~ subordinates. And put them to make me some clothes made for royalty like me, and an eye-patch. Don't worry, I'm not blind in one eye, I just think it's cool. A purple sweater, a long black coat some pants and boots. I didn't need anything else, so I kinda hit the owner in the head with a huge roll of cheese to make him forget. Good thing it worked! Ok, he got some brain damage, but he was fine. What I need now, is to make myself known to the other leaders, but how? Hmm, I'll think about it later. For now I need to get the rest of the rats in the sewers.

Under Canterlot lies a huge labyrinth in the form of the sewers, where millions of rats live. Today they were extremely active, the sounds of millions of claws hitting the stone floor combined with the sound of splashing made some of the residents of the outside world a little scared, quickly opting to send some exterminators. However, that was the sound of an army assembling.

"Greetings my fellow rats! Today we shall establish a new nati- Oh yeah, you guys are rats... Welp, this was a waste of time..." The rats started making a lot of noise. "Ok ok, let's just raid the royal deposit of cheese." Small cheers were heard from the army of rats. "Idiots..." The huge rat in the middle mumbled.

The rats quickly got to work, the sound of their claws scratching the wet stone floor filled the sewers, even getting to the ponies from the outside world, or how Rico calls them, the 'Soap lovers'. Swiftly and quickly they went towards the ultimate treasure, the multitude kinds of cheese that lie in the royal deposit.

'One thing always bothered me about the ponies.' Rico though as he jumped over a boulder stuck in their way. 'How are those disgusting soap lovers the superior species? We are way more resistant to disease, I'm immune to disease and poison actually. I deserve more respect than that Celestia. Actually, I would have preferred that Luna would be the only ruler, at least my eyes don't hurt when I look at her... Oh I'm rambling again... Why am I talking to myself again? Ok brain stop it. OOh we're under the deposit.' Looking up he saw a pretty small hole in the roof. Grinning he motioned at the hole then somehow managed to slip through a hole ten times smaller than him. Stopping for a second to appreciate the huge varieties of cheese. Then they stared to raid the room, taking the cheese in small bits so they could fit through the opening in the floor. But right before they left, Rico wrote on a wall with crayolas that he found. They are green too!

~Celesta's POV~

"This is the weirdest crime I ever saw..." I said as I looked at the, now empty of cheese, royal deposit. In front of me, on one of the walls to be exact, was written in green crayolas:I GET THE CHEESE, SOAP LOVERS! "Did they not take anything else except the cheese? Nothing?"

"No, ma'am. They just took all the cheese, and the cheese cakes." The guard looked as confused as I am. 'Who would only steal the cheese, and why?" Then another guard came in.

"Princess, there have been reports that the rat population in the sewers has become extremely large. The nobles are complaining." 'Just what I needed...'

"Why didn't you just sent some exterminators to deal with them?" I don't see why they'll come to me... I'm the princess, not an exterminator.

"Umm, we did, buuuut-" I don't like that tone. "They were found dead, with the words: Screw you soap lovers! You ain't killing us! written on their corpses. They are probably either Changelings or Diamond dogs."

'Oook, it seems that someone killed the exterminators and stole all the cheese, but who would do that? What would anyone even gain for doing such a thing? The weirdest one is the killing of the exterminators. They must try to hide something in the sewers, but how can they survive in that place?' As I continued to think of reasons for those crimes, I made my way to my sister's room, to inform her of the things that happen.

After I explained what was going on to Luna, she seemed really amused. "AHAHAHAHAHA" Annnd she has been laughing for 15 minutes now... "Ahem, We are sorry sister. We- ugh I just find it ridiculous. Maybe the ones who did those crimes weren't ponies. Maybe thee were rats? Ahahahahah" As she continued to roll around on the ground.

"Come on Luna, don't be ridiculous." However, I had no idea how right she was.

~Meanwhile.~

"Gentlemen." Said Rico with a mustache duck taped to his muzzle. "We are the rats. AND WE! AND WE WILL RULE!" ~squeals~

"Those fools thought they could attack us!? HA! This time, we fight back!" 'I should get some gold here, I look good in gold...' Rico thought as he sat on a throne made out of cheese. "We won't be treated as pests anymore, oh no no no, their armor shall become like cedar! And we won't stop until we get all the cheese, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" As he started laughing, the rats started cheering, they may have sounded scary, if they didn't sound like millions of tiny Fluttershys screaming 'yay'. 'We have cheese, but no crackers. We are cracka-lacking."

Pest problem.

Author's Note

Soooo, this took way longer than expected. Since my internet went down most of this story was written at the mall. That and I'm struggling with what to write, so that's that. I hope you'll still like this chapter. And don't forget to comment on what you liked and what you disliked about this chapter.

Pest problem.

~Rico POV~

Rico was in a huge room, surrounded by his ~~slaves~~ subordinates. "Those annoying soap lovers dare to send exterminators here!?" Sitting on top of a mountain of cheese, Rico was speaking to his ~~slaves~~
subordinates. "I WILL MAKE THEM PAY! PETER! SEND THE CAVALRY!" He pointed at a rat with a roman centurion helmet on his head.

The small rat saluted and rushed out of the room, going to announce the cavalry, which consisted of big rats holding lances while riding dogs. In this time, Rico continued with his ~~racist~~ politically correct speech. And he sounded like a ~~racist redneck~~ respectful individual.

Exterminator's POV

My name is Crawler Catcher, and I am a normal exterminator. I had a normal life, until one day when I was asked to go together with few other exterminators in the Canterlot sewers. I though it was a good thing because the pay was really good, however I had no idea what I was getting myself in. When we entered the sewers, the small talk that we were having disappeared. The sewers were awfully quiet, no sounds from rodents or insects.

As we walked along the sewer's tunnels, splashing sounds coming from our hoofs hitting the wet floor, small sounds could be heard. We tried to find the any rodents, however all we could find are small groups them that where just running away from us before we could do anything. The place looked weirdly clean, even through the smell was way worse than normal.

it didn't take long for us to find something that didn't run away from us, and it wasn't something good. Scratching sounds where heard around a corner, I decided to check on it, a big mistake on my part. When my eyes turned the corner I clearly saw around ten wild dogs, the weird part is that they had really big rats on their back. I quickly realized that the rats and dogs where coming after us, and they where armed with sharp pipes that seemed to be used as lances.

"RUN!" I yelled to the rest, we all tried to run. Everything was in vain though, they quickly caught up to us. My last memory that I would bring with me into the realm of the dead was a voice screaming "DIE YOU CLEAN SOAP LOVERS!"

~Rico POV~

"Jenny, get the rats that have the most intelligence and get them here. It's time to get some magic users." I said towards a smaller grey rat at my side while I was sitting on my throne made out of pipes. 'I need to upgrade the throne to one made out of silver or gold... But first, let's get some Ratlocks. Get it? Warlocks but as rats? I'm funny.' I thought as I jumped off the throne and went behind it, going for the chest situated in the wall, and a hole made by me to be exact. Opening it, I see the magical crystals that are going to be used to artificially give my ~~slaves~~ subordinates magic, of course weaker than mine.

These crystals where gathered from abandoned labs or from illegal ones which, surprisingly, weren't hard to steal from. Those ponies are too soft if you ask me, they get sick so easily. However, I must not make the mistake of underestimating them. That's always the thing that kills people, even if they seem extremely weak, everyone is powerful. A good example is us! No one thinks rats are that strong, but we'll show those who think of us as weak, we'll show them with their death.

My thoughts got interrupted as Peter came back and confirmed the death of the exterminators. "Good job! Another victory for us!" Then, quickly after, Jenny arrived with multiple rats. "Oh great, you are all here. Now, what I want you guys to do is eat one of those crystals each." I said as I pointed at the chest. The ~~slaves~~ subordinates obeyed their ~~master~~ king.

As they feasted on the crystals, the rats already started changing. Their size growing to the size of a dog, transforming into a more bipedal and stronger form, still weaker than me of course. Then, they spoke. "Thank you, your highness." At least they aren't that stupid anymore and can talk. "Now, take those books." I said pointing at a stack of books I got from the royal archive on magic. "And study some spells. If you are not successful in learning at least one spell, you will be given to the cats." Of course they aren't normal cats, they are two meter tall mutated cats.

The following days went on smoothly, my spies told me that the pony population was getting really nervous. Maybe I can get them to fight each other. The problem was that Celestia wanted to cast a spell to check the sewers. 'This is a problem.' I thought as I was given the information by some of my spies. 'Good thing I sent some scouts to get me an artifact. They should be here any second.' Then some rats carrying a bag appeared before me. "Have you found what I've requested?" At their nod a small grin made its way on my face. "Good, now leave the artifact here and go back to work! Also, one of you go to call for the Ratlocks to come here." The rats all bowed and left the room.

Opening the bag I could see the artifact clearly. The red on the amulet reflected what little light in the room coming from a shining yellow crystal. The amulet having a red crystal in the middle, with a figure of a black alicorn with red eyes at the top. "The alicorn amulet, hehe. " I said as I was looking over it, my laughter getting louder and louder.

After I calmed down, a rat announced that the Ratlocks arrived. "Good, call them here." The rat nodded and left. Picking up the amulet, I looked at it for a second, power emanating off of it. Then put it around my neck, a warm feeling covered my body, a red light shining from my eyes. ~More power, more...~ I could hear a voice saying in my head. "Oh no, I AM THE ONE IN CONTROL." I screamed as I released some of my power into my mind, a scream emanating from both my head and the amulet as the red light diminished. "This is MY victory, hehehe..." Then turning around, I saw that the Ratlocks have arrived and were cowering under my gaze. "Follow my lead on this spell, if you fail to keep up the pace I'll kill you myself." They all nodded while shaking. As I started the spell to nullify Celestia's search spell, the rats followed my lead. And luckily for them, we succeeded. Leaving a confused Celestia at the surface.

~Celestia's POV. Canterlot castle.~

As I tried to cast the search spell, something immediately nullified it, something that didn't happen in a long time. "How is that possible?" I mumbled under my breath. 'Something is going on in those sewers, and I don't think we can safely take care of this problem...'

The castle and royal demands.

A lone figure walked trough Canterlot's vast sewers, a place abandoned by the civilized ponies after the rats came. 'They think that we are just stupid animals! Fools! We are the ones who are spread around the entire world, not them!' Kicking a rock into the water, Rico continued his walk towards his 'throne room'.

The room was the only one that had any light in, the reason being the giant gold coin mountain that Rico used as a throne, along with multiple cheese pieces of course. A few torches burned brightly and made the treasure look even more glamorous, the grinning rat king standing upon them spoke with a raspy voice. "RATS!" His voice brought in the room what could be millions of rats, many more waiting outside of the said room. "Today, the time has come! Some of you may already know if this, but our plan is almost complete! Today will be the day, that our new nation has been built!" The rats all cheered, squeals filling the entire room. "I want as many of you to go to the newly build underground stronghold! It is located in the smokey mountains! A home which was taken away from the dragon that covered the whole place in smoke, but with our power we managed to beat the vile beast and take the mountains as our!" More cheering came from the rats. "But remember there is a limitation to the ones we can house for now, that is until more rooms are made. But as a bonus, our mages have found a formula for turning rocks into any type of cheese! So the ones who stay there can eat as much as they want!" His last words made the rats cheer so loudly the entire Canterlot mountain shook as they cheered and rushed towards the mountain, all wanting to be there as fast as possible.

"All according to plan, hehe... I should also work with getting some nations to recognize our nation, but first! CHEESE BREAK!" With that the whole 'royal' court chosen by Rico pulled out a chuck of cheese and started eating.

The castle was more the only structure in the now hollowed out mountain, others being simply tunnels. The main construction of the castle was made using the bones of the dragon that used to live here, it's meat was put in storage and with it's teeth and scales they made armor and weapons. Rico's throne being made out of the skull of the dragon, inside of the skeletal mouth stood the most expensive mattress they could ~~steal~~ make. Rico was currently staying on said throne eating cheese with crackers.

The construction went on smoothly, any living distraction being killed and eaten. Quite disturbing by pony standards, but those dogs did taste better than random things found in the sewers. Rico spent the rest of his time naming and giving some of the rats positions of power, giving them magic or enchantments and transforming some of them into mages that he spread across the world so he could call upon as many rats as he could in case of a conflict.

"With this much power, I will never be considered 'just a dumb rat'! With this I will finally have power! And I have to remember to destroy the cat kingdom, those guys keep killing my people." Rico started talking with himself quite often, not many of his rats actually being smart enough to have a good conversation with, most only knowing how to follow orders. "Ok I should really get someone to talk to, this is getting really boring." Mumbling, Rico scratched his right ear.

Then, out of nowhere, an idea hit him. "I KNOW! YOU ARE A GENIUS ME!" I said excitedly as i started running towards the throne. Once I was next to it, I lifted the cushion after casting a fast key spell revealing an old chest. Inside the chest there was a small ancient dragon skull, every single centimeter on it's bony structure was covered in long forgotten runes. Now, with the ancient spell I ~~stole~~ found from that crypt I invaded looking for ancient recipes for cheese, I was transformed from my ~~normal~~ gorgeous self into a skinny looking unicorn stallion with a pale green coat and mint green mane and yellow eyes. Luckily, my clothes got transformed to fit my new form, so I wasn't naked like most of those soap-lovers. Going towards a hidden tunnel, I made my journey towards the city of Canterlot to do some espionage!

'The city of Canterlot was disgusting, it all smelled like flowers and everything was so clean you can see yourself in the ground like it's a bloody mirror! I almost puked the second I entered that clean place. There where some of those unicorns walking around with their nose so high in the sky that most of them tripped, they where also wearing some stupid looking clothes, unlike my extremely awesome clothes! Anyway, I have to concentrate and find some good information!'

But suddenly, because of me not paying attention to the road because I was occupied by looking at a gorgeous display of cheese, I bumped into a group of ponies. The bundle of ponies, which now contained me, groaned simultaneously. And after around fifteen minutes we managed to untangle from the bundles of limbs, manes and tails. "Watch where you're going dude!" A scratchy voice came from a rainbow maned pegasi as she glared at me. Of course, I glared back.

"You should watch where I'm going!" I barked with my extremely raspy voice. Which somehow made her look confused.

"I don't think that's how it works..." A lavender pega-corn thingy said.

"Ye it does, cuz I said so. But what in the shit is that smell?" At my second statement, they seemed a little confused.

"What do you mean, it smells like flowers." A white unicorn with purple mane said. 'That's the smell ya soap lovers!'

"Go take a bath in the sewers, ya'll smell horrible!" The all started looking confused and smelled eachother. I decided to leave in their foolish confusion. 'I am a genius!'

I finally managed to enter the castle, all it took is to breathe in their face and they would faint! Weaklings! Anyway, with this strategy I've managed to get myself right towards the throne room. After kicking the door open, I saw inside the eye hurting princess Celestia along with four guards which started moving to surround me. "Oh no, you've surrounded me! What can I possibly do?" I grabbed the rune skull and used it's power, and with a flash a flight I was back in my rat form, just way bigger. The action kinda made them stop of ~~confusion~~ fear.

"I DEMAND TO TALK WITH YOU EYE HURTING PRINCESS!" The princess looked at me with extreme ~~confusion~~ fear and shock.

"Um, ok?" The princess said as she tilted her head.

"I need you to recognize the new country of rats along with a trade route of cheese for us in the smokey mountains!" My great demands made her stop for a second.

"Um, sure?" After she accepted I laughed and teleported away, I AM ~~STUPID~~ A GENIUS.

Author's Note

Welp, what did you expect his demands would be? Rico's still a dumb rat, that and I decided to finish it faster because I simply don't believe I can do much with this. Anyway, hope it's not too terrible.