Nothing Without Me

by chillbook1

Rating: teen
Tags: Raven Inkwell, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 59807

Raven Inkwell is the princess' adviser and, therefore, the only reason Equestria hasn't burned down yet.

As the Princess of Canterlot, the Mistress of the Sun, and the most beloved ruler of Equestria, it could be assumed that Princess Celestia was the pony who ran Equestria. Few people know that she actually doesn't.

Her assistant, Raven Inkwell, does. And Equestria would be nothing without her.

Published 2017-06-28 18:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-08 14:42:57 UTC

Nothing Without Me

“So… That's no on the tarts?” asked Celestia.

Raven Inkwell truly did appreciate how lucky of a mare she was. As Celestia’s personal assistant and Royal Adviser, she had what would be considered the best job in all of Equestria. Being a member of castle staff, she was automatically invited to the most exclusive Canterlot parties, not to mention VIP passes to any and all events in Equestria upon request. Her paycheck allowed for quite comfortable living, more than enough to support her frugal, practical lifestyle. She had the best insurance the kingdom could offer, and access to the royal physician, who was the best doctor in all of Equestria. All in all, Raven Inkwell was about as lucky as she could be, and she really was thankful for her blessings.

That didn’t change the fact that she absolutely despised her job.

“Princess, we’ve talked about this,” sighed Raven, trying not to let her frustrations show. “It’s just not in the budget. What you’re requesting is far more than what we’ve allotted for catering.”

“But the guests would love it,” said Celestia. She frowned slightly, inspecting the list Raven provided her with. “Are you certain there's nothing we can do?”

Raven sighed again, trying to find a way to word the situation that would make the princess understand.

“Princess, I understand that the guests would enjoy it, but there's simply no money for it,” explained Raven, for what must've been the thousandth time. “And, while the guests will indeed enjoy the desserts, they will enjoy the lower taxes and national debt a touch more.”

“Hm. Shame… I will have to see if Pinkie Pie can't help us reach some sort of compromise.”

Raven ticked that item off of her list. This was a victory, as far as she was concerned. Time to move on to the actually difficult parts of the day.

“I'll be sure to send a letter right over,” said Raven, though she would need to ask somepony what exactly a Pinkie Pie was. “Now, onto more pressing matters… Your speech. I take it you have your first draft prepared?”

“Actually, Raven, I'm glad you brought that up.” Celestia rose from her throne and began pacing. “I've never been a fan of speeches, writing or giving them. So, I was thinking… perhaps I can skip it this time around?”

Raven felt her eye twitch uncontrollably upon hearing such lunacy.

“Absolutely not. It's out of the question. This is the largest fundraiser of the year! To not give a speech… It's unthinkable.”

“But must I really write a speech? No matter what I write, it seems that the editors change it so that it is unrecognizable as what I wanted to say!”

Maybe if you weren't such a crazy old mare, we wouldn't have to change as much.

This was something that Raven wanted to say, but, for obvious reasons, couldn't. Most ponies wouldn't dare saying such things to their boss, and most ponies weren't employed by a goddess who could very easily banish them to space. So, in the interest of keeping both her job and her life, Raven had learned to keep statements like those to herself.

“I understand your frustrations, your majesty. Being censored… it's a necessary evil in regards to somepony with as much power and influence as yourself,” said Raven. She actually did sympathize with Celestia. She hated not being able to say what was on her mind. “But you must consider the weight of your words. One wrong sentence can derail your entire administration. You have to be careful.”

“But caution is so… so dead. The speeches you give me are always so stilted and lifeless,” complained Celestia. “Would it kill the writing team to give these things even a little bit of color?”

As the entirety of the writing “team” that Celestia referred to, Raven couldn't help but be a bit annoyed by that comment. Raven never claimed that the speeches she wrote were award-winning novels, but they were certainly good, and they served their purpose well.

“I will personally make sure that your speech has ‘a bit of color’, your majesty,” said Raven. “All you have to concern yourself with is reading it.”

“Hm… Fine. What's next?” asked the princess. Raven referred back to her list, ticking “The Speech” off of her to-do list.

“Next up is… Lunch break. The kitchen staff is ready for you in the dining hall. You may depart at your leisure, your highness.”

“Yes, of course. Oh, one thing,” said Celestia. “I would like to enjoy lunch with my sister. Would you kindly summon her to the dining hall?”

Shit.

Raven smiled, despite what she really felt. If she thought her day was rough before, she would need a new word to describe it after this. Still, it was part of Raven’s job to maintain a certain facade, so she couldn't exactly voice her concerns.

“Of course, your majesty,” said Raven through gritted teeth. “Right away.”

Raven stood before Luna’s bedchamber with true dread in her heart. Luna was, understandably, not a morning person. And, while she didn't exactly beam out a sunny disposition during the night hours, she was downright terrifying when woken prematurely. Luna’s wrath could turn mortals to stone. Her Royal Canterlot Voice could shatter a mare's will. A single icy glare from the Lunar Princess could stop the heart of any unlucky soul caught on the other end of her gaze.

Celestia didn't seem to appreciate that fact, seeing as she effectively sacrificed Raven to the Princess of the Night.

“Okay, Raven,” she muttered to herself. “She's not a demon. She's not the Nightmare. She's your beloved princess, damn it, she won't hurt you.” Raven decided that if she said it to herself enough, maybe it would turn out to be true. She took in a deep breath, then knocked firmly on the massive bedchamber doors.

The following sixty seconds of silence were the most terrifying moments in Raven’s recent memory.

“P-princess?” Raven knocked again, with equally underwhelming results. “Y-your sister would like to…”

The doors creaked open, a gust of wind rushing through the crack. Raven couldn’t see two feet in front of her, due to the perfect pitch-blackness of the room. It was like looking at the night’s sky with no stars to illuminate the ceaseless shadows. A wave of frigid cold breezed out of the darkness, inciting a shiver down Raven’s spine.

“Princess Luna?” said Raven weakly. “Are you… awake?”

“Why hath thou interrupted Our slumber?”

The voice was but a whisper, yet it was more terrifying than any mare or stallion’s shout. It slithered out of the depths of the room, bringing with it an air of cold regality that immediately invalidated any and all of Raven’s dignity and courage. This was far worse than the Royal Canterlot voice.

“P-princess Celestia r-requested your presence,” stammered Raven. “F-for lunch…”

“Doth thou not know the importance of Our sleep? We have punished mares for lesser offenses before…”

“Your majesty, p-please forgive me, but your sister—”

“Sister dearest sent thee?”

“Yes, your majesty,” said Raven, regaining some of her backbone. “She wants you for—”

“And who art thou, intruding upon Our sacred slumber on behalf of Our dear sister?”

“Raven Inkwell…”

Silence reigned for a minute, then two, until Raven was tempted to call it quits and return to Celestia. Just as Raven was about to turn and leave, Luna’s voice slithered out of the dark once again.

“Enter, Raven Inkwell…”

Raven really, truly, honestly didn’t want to, but she also didn’t have much choice. She pushed her fear to the back of her mind, took in a deep breath, then ventured into the dark. The doors slammed shut as soon as Raven cleared the threshold, which elicited a squeak of fear from the royal advisor.

“Princess Luna?” Raven stepped deeper into the dark, stumbling blindly through the shadow. “I can’t see a thing…”

There was a bright, glaring flash, the dozen or so lanterns strung up around the room illuminated themselves. Raven had to blink the brightness away for a bit before her vision returned, and it did so slowly and in patches. When she finally could see again, part of her wished she couldn’t. Laying in a large, ornate four poster bed was the embodiment of the Night and all of its majesty. The personification of cold beauty and grace and unwavering, unflinching perfection.

Her hair was also an absolute mess, tangled and frizzy due to her restless sleeping.

“What time is it, Raven Inkwell?” The way Luna spoke made it seem like less of a question and more of a demand for information.

“Erm… Half past noon, your grace,” said Raven after consulting her watch momentarily.

“Across from Our bed is a shrunken preservation box,” said Luna. “Within it, you will find a trinity of elixirs that will reinvigorate and bolster one’s energy. Bring them to me.”

Raven’s archaic Equine was a bit rusty, so it took her a moment to put together what exactly it was that Luna was asking her for. She broke it down piece by piece, starting with the “across from the bed” part, which was easy enough.

“Um… You mean this mini-fridge?” asked Raven. She opened the “shrunken preservation box” and grabbed the “trinity of elixirs”, which turned out to be energy drinks. She brought them over to Luna who immediately grabbed all three in her magic, popped open the cans, and chugged them all at once.

“Er… Your majesty?” said Raven cautiously. “That really isn’t healthy for you. I think you should…”

“Listen, Raven, I’ve been drinking these things three at a time ever since they were invented,” said Luna, her archaic speech pattern gone now that she wasn’t half asleep. “And, as you can tell, I’m still breathing. So I wouldn’t worry about me.”

“Of course. Apologies.”

“You can go now. Tell Celestia I’ll be down in five minutes.”

“Yes, your highness. Right away,” said Raven. She then proceeded to rush out of the bedchamber as quickly as Equinely possible.

“Alright, Raven, check ‘dance with certain demise’ off of your checklist,” sighed Raven as she trotted down the massive corridor of Canterlot Castle’s East Tower. “What’s next on the agenda?”

Her stomach gave an audible, angry growl, tired of being ignored for as long as it had been.

“Lunch. Lunch is next on the agenda.”

Raven wasn't the most sociable of mares, no doubt due to her occupation. With the difficulties of dealing with the princesses, Raven had little energy to spare on others. She had a bit of a temper, which was quick to turn a lot of people away, but that was fine by her. By the time lunch came around, Raven didn’t feel like talking to most people anyway. She was more than content to sit in the corner of the staff mess hall and pick at her salad until it was time to return to work. Today was no different, with Raven sitting alone and looking over her lists in her rare hour of free time.

“This seat taken?”

Raven looked up from her lists to see a grinning, golden-feathered face. The griffon held a bag lunch in his claws, having no choice but to bring his lunch from home. Due to him being massively outnumbered, species-wise, he couldn't exactly expect the cafeteria staff to cater to his particular diet.

“Hey, Garrus,” said Raven tiredly. Garrus chuckled a bit at Raven’s expense and took a seat across from her.

“How's your day been so far?” he asked, unpacking his lunch. Most ponies would have their appetites ruined by Garrus’s lunch, but Raven had long since gotten used to the smell of cooked rodent.

“One day, you're going to ask me that question and I'm going to just start laughing hysterically,” said Raven flatly. “At which point you'll turn around to see the entire castle is on fire.”

“Heh. One of those days, eh?”

“Every day is ‘one of those days’, Gary,” complained Raven. She turned her list over and started jotting down notes for Celestia’s speech. “My whole life is ‘one of those days’. And every day, I get one more ‘one of those days’ closer to a mental break.”

“What's eating you today?”

“Tarts, my apparently boring writing, and a trinity of elixirs that will reinvigorate and bolster one’s energy.” Raven checked her watch, swearing at the time. “Damn, I've gotta go. When's your shift over?”

“Ten,” said Garrus, chewing on a bone.

“Great. I’ll bitch more to you at the bar. You're buying drinks tonight.”

“Why is it always my turn to buy drinks?” Raven smirked as she gathered her things to go.

“Because you never actually buy drinks,” she said. Garrus chuckled, nodding his head as he did.

“Oh, yeah. Right. Well, tonight's the night,” promised Garrus. “See you around, Rave.”

“Later, Gary.” Raven adjusted her glasses, then set off to return to her princess’ side. Despite how irritated Raven was with the day so far, she was actually smiling as she left the mess hall. Garrus had successfully raised her spirits, at least for the time being. She knew it wouldn't last, though.

There was still plenty of time for life to get on her nerves.

“So she wanted to blow the whole catering budget on what, exactly?” asked Garrus.

“Some Saddle Arabian pastry chef,” sighed Raven. “And he charges out the ass because of travel expenses and to pay for his gourmet ingredients or something. Whatever the reasoning for the price, he’s asking for way more than we’ve allocated for food. The princess seems to struggle to understand that.”

Raven didn’t have much to look forward to in her day, but she was always glad to be able to go out for a night at the bar with her friend. After work, Raven could almost always be found at the dark, almost-hidden Canterlot tavern, Scoundrels, Vagabonds, and Ne’er-Do-Wells. It wasn’t a very well-known or reputable bar, but that’s just how Raven and Garrus liked it. Drinking at a more popular, upper-class bar ran the risk of them being recognized from work and pestered by their coworkers when all they really wanted to do was have a nice drink and complain about their jobs.

They sat at their usual spot in the tavern, a quiet table near the back. Raven liked it there because she could talk without losing her voice in the bustle of the bar, and there was always room to toss her saddlebags without fear of somepony stepping all over them. It was, as usual, one of the only highlights of her day.

“Geez. Sounds rough,” said Garrus, taking a swig from his flagon. “So what’d you tell her?”

“I told her that the money just does not exist, and she muttered something about some type of pie. Something about a compromise. After that, I just sorta moved on. We talked about her speeches, and she complained about how much I edit them.” Raven drained her beer and pushed it to the side, ready for another. “Which, you should know, is entirely her fault. Every time I let her write her own speeches, I end up with insane ramblings and twisted riddles that make her seem like a senile old bat.”

“Yikes. That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” said Garrus. “That’s your princess you’re talking about.”

“I swear to the Goddess above, she’s barely functioning! It’s a miracle she hasn’t driven the country into the ground yet.” Raven waved to the barmaid, who quickly came over to them and refilled their drinks. “If she didn’t have an advisor, we’d be doomed. That’s why I’ve never taken a sick day, the kingdom would crumble without me.”

“I don’t doubt it,” chuckled Garrus. “Celestia, hell, Equestria itself… They’re nothing without you.”

“Heh. Nothing without me. You’ve got that right.” Raven gave a rare grin at her friend, who returned it in full force. “Anyway, how’s things with you? The guards treating you well?”

“Can’t complain. The guys are still kinda weirded out to be working with me,” said Garrus. “Most of em haven’t met a griffon before. They’re nice enough, but they can come off as kinda insensitive. Can’t blame them much, though. I get the same way with you ponies.”

“How different can it be? You were a guard in Griffonstone, right? A castle is a castle is a castle.”

“It’s just… different. Our armor is different.” Garrus raised his claws up for Raven to see. “Griffon armor doesn’t cover our claws, so we can use them to fight if we needed to. But you guys cover all four of your hooves. And there’s not pellet receptacles every three feet.”

“Pellet receptacles?”

“Yeah, for the bones. We griffons eat our food whole, bones and all,” explained Garrus. “We can't digest them, so they gotta come up eventually. So we cough them up into these little buckets they keep around the castle.”

“Ew. That sounds disgusting,” gagged Raven. “That's just a thing you do? Why not just spit out the bones?”

“How come you weirdos don't just eat meat? If this is the price I have to pay for some protein, then so be it.”

“Yeah, I get the guards now. Griffons are a disgusting species.”

“As a matter of fact, I think I've got one to come out now.” Garrus fake coughed and hacked, doing little more than grossing out his friend. “Heheh. You ponies and your weak stomachs. Anywho, we were…” Garrus trailed off, looking past Raven to the entrance of the bar. “Who's the looker over there?”

Raven turned, watching the mare in question walk into the tavern and take a seat at the bar. She was a unicorn, her coat midnight blue. Her royal purple mane was short, slicked up and back. She had her back to Raven, so her eyes were hidden, but Raven could easily see her Cutie Mark; the starry depiction of the Libra constellation hinting at a background in astronomy.

“I dunno. Never seen her before,” said Raven. “She doesn't work at the castle.”

“I'm gonna go talk to her,” said Garrus confidently. “I’ll be right back.”

“Wait, what are you…” Raven trailed off, her friend already out of earshot. She rolled her eyes, watching Garrus with annoyance. She couldn't hear the two converse, but she could guess at what was happening from her seat. She sipped her beer, wishing she had been able to stop Garrus before it was too late. Raven tried not to be too amused as things went poorly for her friend, eventually ending when the mystery mare threw a glass of water in his face

“Nice hustle out there, Casanova,” said Raven.

“Hey, it wasn’t all loss,” said Garrus. “I learned some things from that.”

“Like what?”

“Her name is Moon Shine.”

“Uh-huh…”

“And she doesn't like getting hit on.”

Raven laughed, patting Garrus firmly on the back (even though he was a fierce griffon warrior, he still winced because of Raven’s surprisingly heavy hooves). Garrus chuckled in defeat, sipping his beer weakly.

“Well, I could’ve told you that,” chuckled Raven. “If there’s anypony who knows how to spot a woman who doesn’t like getting hit on, it’s me—a woman who doesn’t like getting hit on.”

“Just get me a towel or something…”

Raven got the barmaid’s attention, then pointed to the sopping-wet, entirely unamused Garrus. The barmaid nodded with a smirk, then came over with a towel for Garrus and a refill for both.

“What exactly did you expect to happen?” asked Raven.

“I was expecting her to give me the time of day,” sighed Garrus, drying his feathers as best as he could. “And, if I was lucky, be impressed when I said I was in the Solar Guard.”

“And?”

“Sorry, I thought my dripping feathers would’ve been enough for you to infer that it didn’t work out too well.”

“Heh. You’ll get ‘em someday, chief,” said Raven. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea. And you’re not too bad looking. You know, as far as griffons go.”

“Gee, thanks,” sighed Garrus. “Can’t help but feel like that’s the problem. You ponies aren’t exactly as interested in griffons as we are of you.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, it probably wouldn’t have worked.” Raven glanced back at Moon Shine, slightly annoyed by her very existence. “True love is a myth, nopony is made for anypony, and we all die alone.”

Garrus looked up from his drink, staring at Raven strangely for a moment as she polished off yet another beer.

“Explain to me how the hell that was supposed to make me feel better?”

“Sorry, did I say ‘better’?” said Raven with a sinister smirk. “I meant ‘unquantifiably, soul-crushingly worse’. Sorry about the mix-up.” Despite the grey, dreary tone of what Raven had said, Garrus found himself grinning.

“Thanks, Rave,” said Garrus, finding his spirits genuinely lifted. Raven shrugged before checking her watch and noting the time.

“It’s getting late, and I need to get some sleep if I’m gonna make it through tomorrow,” sighed Raven. She stood up from the table and slipped her saddlebags on. “See you around, Gary.”

“What’s the bill for the drinks?” asked Gary, digging through his coin purse. “How much do I owe?” Raven glanced at Moon Shine (who hadn’t seemed to notice her or Garrus since the incident), then at the flagons on the table, and finally at Garrus himself before producing a hooful of bits and tossing them onto the table.

“Don’t worry about it, Gary. Drinks are on me tonight,” said Raven. “Night.”

Raven didn’t wait for Garrus to respond or give the money back. She simply trotted across the bar, paused to glare at Moon Shine, and stepped out into the chill of the night.

The Definition of Insanity

Raven had seen a lot of things in her twenty-plus years working as the Royal Advisor. She had been through the return of a princess, the sudden appearance of another, the ascension of a third, and the disappearance and rescue efforts of the first two. She had overseen and organized two different shifts of power in the royal hierarchy of Equestria and the lands beyond. Raven Inkwell was an experienced, prepared mare, who was ready for just about anything Equestria could throw at her.

But nothing could have prepared her for Pinkie Pie.

“So… Princess Celestia wanted to see me?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Erm… Well… She, um…” Raven struggled to put words together as she watched the bubbly pink mare before her. She sat upside down in her seat at the meeting table, with some sort of lizard or reptile dangling from her tail, apparently confusing it for cotton candy based on how tightly its jaws were clamped on.

“Hm? You okay, Ms. Raven?” asked Pinkie, oblivious to the strangeness of it all. “Cat got your tongue? You know, I never got why ponies think cats steal tongues! That’s just silly, cats wouldn’t steal tongues. They’re super-duper nice! Well, except for maybe Opalescence, that’s my friend Rarity’s cat, she’s a bit of a meanie sometimes. Opal, I mean, not Rarity, Rarity’s just the sweetest, nicest mare ever! She’s always putting other ponies ahead of herself, like, this one time, I needed a dress for a party ‘cause all of my dresses were covered in fudge, long story there, and I didn’t have any money ‘cause I spent it all on fudge, and she made me a whole wardrobe and all she asked for in return was a batch of cookies! I mean, I would’ve baked Rarity a batch of cookies anyway if she asked, especially since it was National Cookie Week, so I made her two batches of cookies, but she said she couldn’t possibly eat all of those cookies alone, so we had a big ol’ cookie party with all of our friends!” Pinkie clapped her hooves giddily at the memory, then tilted her head in confusion. “What were we talking about again?”

Raven had to take a moment to let her brain reboot after that non-stop stream of pointless, irrelevant information.

“Right… The princess wanted to meet with you, but a pressing matter has arisen, which required the princess’ immediate attention,” said Raven. “So, you’ll just have to make do with me.”

“That’s okay. More than okay, really, it’s perfect! I already know Princess Celestia, we’re basically BFFs, but I’ve never met you before!” said Pinkie. “This is the perfect chance for us to become besties, too!”

It’ll be a cold day in hell…

Raven shook the thought out of her head for the time being. This wasn’t the time for rude remarks. This was the time for business. Raven took in a deep breath and put on a phony, friendly smile.

“That sounds wonderful, Ms. Pie, but I’d like to get business out of the way first, if you don’t mind terribly,” said Raven, in her best, fakest, most professional voice. “The princess is holding a fundraiser at the end of next month, and she needs catering. Naturally, you were her first choice.”

“Really? Princess Celestia thought of me first?” said Pinkie, blushing faintly. “I’m honored. I mean, I know my way around a kitchen, but I’m no big-wig, super-famous celebrity baker. Are you sure she meant me?”

“Don’t be so modest, Ms. Pie. She asked for you by name and, if you’re good enough for the princess, you’ll be more than sufficient for this fundraiser,” said Raven. “However… This brings me to some of my concerns regarding hiring you. Now, I understand that you are a baker for Sugarcube Corner, though you do have experience with catering events of this magnitude.”

“Mh-hm. I catered for Princess Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding,” said Pinkie. “Wow, that was so long ago! I remember it like it was yesterday, or at least like I saw a rerun of it yesterday. The details are kinda fuzzy to be honest, everyone was so stressed out, especially Princess Cadance, ‘cause she was kinda kidnapped by an evil bug monster. The struggles of a bride, right?”

“Wait, you catered for Princess Cadenza’s wedding?” asked Raven.

“Yuperooni!”

Bullshit.

“Hm… If that’s the case, my concerns may be unfounded,” said Raven, though mostly just to play nice. She didn’t believe Pinkie for a single moment, but humoring her would be for the best. “It’s just… I saw your bakery, and it has more of a Mom-and-Pop Shop, common-man vibe. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just not for this particular demographic. These are Canterlot’s elite you’ll be cooking for. They don’t want cookies and brownies. They want something a bit higher-class.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. If it’s dessert you’re worried about, I’m your mare!” said Pinkie. She turned rightside up, flinging her strange lizard friend to the side. “Hope you have tastebud insurance, ‘cause I’m about to make them explode!”

Pinkie Pie reached into her mane, losing her entire leg in the massive pink poof. Raven could do little more than stare in absolute amazement as Pinkie Pie pulled covered dish after covered dish, laying out about a dozen of them onto the table.

“I’ve got soufflé, pralines, profiterole, tiramisu, gelato, genoise, granita,” listed Pinkie, pointing to each dish as she removed the cover. “Crème brûlée, Crêpe Suzette, tarte Tatin, bruttiboni, and, my personal favorite, croquembouche, dipped in caramel, drizzled with dark chocolate, and filled with raspberry mousse.” She removed the lid from one last dish, revealing a certifiable tower of delicious-looking pastry balls. Unable to help herself, Pinkie grabbed one from the top and popped it into her mouth. “Mmmm! You should try one, Ms. Raven!”

Raven was at a loss for words for several moments while she tried to process what the actual hell she just witnessed.

“Looks good, huh?” Pinkie grabbed another piece of the croquembouche and fed it to her lizard thing. “You really should try some of this, before me and Gummy here eat it all!”

“I… But… I have several questions,” said Raven. “I didn’t tell you why you were coming. How did you know to bake all of this stuff?”

“Hm? I bake like this every Tuesday,” said Pinkie, as if Raven was the strange one for asking.

“It’s Monday.”

“Really? Huh. I dunno, then, ‘cause I only bake this stuff on Tuesdays… That’s weird. Anyway, what else?”

“Uh… One moment.” Raven really needed a moment to gather her thoughts after this sheer insanity. “So… What’s the deal with the lizard?”

“Hm? You mean Gummy? He’s my pet alligator,” said Pinkie. She picked Gummy up and sat him atop her own head. “Say hi to Ms. Raven, Gummy-bear!”

Gummy stared blankly ahead, blinking his left eye, then his right, before leaping onto the pile of pastries.

“So… What do you charge?” asked Raven, still completely confused by what she was witnessing.

“Oh, don’t worry about that, me and the princess have an arrangement,” said Pinkie. “I supply her with sweets, and she gives me something in exchange for my discretion.”

Raven raised an eyebrow, not liking the sound of that. Pinkie Pie didn’t strike her as the type to take advantage of Princess Celestia, but she was clearly a strange mare. Who knew what she was capable of? For all Raven knew, she was a master manipulator.

“Wait… Are you trying to say you’re blackmailing the princess?”

“Huh?” Pinkie tilted her head in confusion. “No way, black envelopes don’t make for very good mail, you can barely see whatever you write on it. And besides, my friend Twilight bought me a bunch of stationery for my birthday so I could write letters to all my penpals, so my mail is a pretty pink instead of a sad, dreary, super-angsty black.”

Is she screwing with me? She’s gotta be screwing with me.

“Sorry, could you clear something up? What do you mean by the princess pays you for your discretion?” asked Raven, eyeing Pinkie with extreme suspicion. What exactly was this mare playing at?

“Hm… Well, it’s supposed to be a secret, but… You look like I can trust you,” said Pinkie. “C’mere, Raven.” Raven inched a bit closer. “Closer!” Raven moved forward some more, feeling herself grow more and more uncomfortable the closer she got. “Closer!” Raven didn’t like the idea of getting any closer to Pinkie, but she just had to know what Pinkie had over the princess. She shimmied even closer until she was nearly touching noses with Pinkie.

“Ms. Pie, I literally cannot get any closer without sitting in your lap,” said Raven. “And I can’t help but think that’s a bit unprofessional.”

“That’s okay,” whispered Pinkie. “This is fine. Princess Celestia doesn’t want me telling you this, but…”

Pinkie Pie whispered the secret into Raven’s ear, the secret that she had apparently been exploiting for favors from the most powerful mare in the world. Simply put, Raven could not believe what she heard.

“I'm unsure as to whether she's stupid, mentally ill, or a bona-fide genius playing the most convincing prank in history,” groaned Raven. She downed her whiskey, the raw stupidity of the day calling for something a touch stronger than her usual beer. Garrus laughed, stretching out his wings and taking down a shot of some Griffonstone gin. Another stressful day in the castle meant another night of drinks at Ne’er-Do-Wells.

“She's willing to cater entire fundraiser,” chuckled Garrus. “For mints.”

“Yup. Apparently, she's obsessed with replicating the recipe of the dinner mints we serve at feasts and whatnot,” said Raven. “So, for the past year or so, she's been basically trading her services for more of those mints to study and reverse-engineer.”

“And her secret about the princess?”

“Celestia doesn't want everypony knowing what a pig she is on account of how often this Pinkie Pie girl brings her snacks.”

“Why do you keep talking about Pinkie like you don't know who she is?” asked Garrus.

“I have never heard of this mare in my entire life, and, if I never hear of her again, it’ll be too damn soon.”

“Seriously? You’ve never heard of Pinkie Pie?” Raven just shook her head, which completely baffled Garrus. “Dude, I’m not even from this country and I know who Pinkie Pie is. She’s one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony? You know, one of the six mares who saved the world over and over again? Best friends with one of the most important mares in Equestria?”

“Hm… Now that you mention it, she did mention something about being friends with Twilight Sparkle,” said Raven after a moment of thought. “But I thought she was full of shit. You weren’t around when Twilight first got coronated. We kept getting ponies trying to get jobs and favors done by pretending that they were best friends with the new princess.”

“Be that as it may, you don’t remember Pinkie at all?”

“I’m bad with names, okay? It took me ages to remember something as simple as ‘Garrus’, and I actually have the misfortune of talking to you every day,” said Raven with a smirk. “What chance did somepony with a stupid name like Pinkie Pie have?”

The barmaid approached their table, swapping out their empty glasses for fresh drinks. Before she could wander off to the rest of the bar, Garrus stopped her with a wave and a clawful of bits.

“Hey, do me a favor?” he said. “There’s a mare at the bar. Purple mane, constellation Cutie Mark. Her name’s Moon Shine. Get her next round, tell her it’s from me.”

“Sure thing, hon,” said the barmaid with a shake of the head. She took Garrus’ money and returned to her post.

“What is your obsession with this chick?” asked Raven.

“I dunno if I’d call it an obsession. I see her as a challenge. If I can just get her to give me a chance… Well, who knows,” said Garrus with a shrug. “I might get lucky.”

“Hmph. Men. Only ever thinking about one thing.”

“Is that a fact? What thing might that be?”

“Getting your ‘beak’ wet.”

“And, somehow, I’m the gross one for bringing up the pellet thing.” Garrus shook his head, downing his drink. “Trust me, I’m not that shallow. She might be the one.”

“You’ve shared maybe two sentences with her,” said Raven. She turned in her seat to watch how Moon Shine would react. “What makes you think she might be ‘the one’?”

“I’ll never know if I don’t try.”

Moon Shine stared at the barmaid, clearly confused at the new drink that she hadn’t paid for. The barmaid pointed and said something Raven couldn’t catch, which immediately caused Moon Shine to frown. She grabbed the drink with her magic, and, maintaining eye contact with Garrus, proceeded to bring it over to a trash can and dump it. She tossed the glass and a hooful of bits onto the counter before stomping out of the bar.

“Damn. Swing and a miss,” mumbled Garrus.

“It didn’t work last time,” scoffed Raven. “Why would it work this time?”

“Just because something fails doesn’t mean you stop trying it.”

“Some ponies define insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.” Raven just couldn’t understand Garrus. Moon Shine clearly wasn’t interested, so why even bother? All he was doing was wasting his time and making things harder for himself. As far as she was concerned, that was pure madness.

“Love and sanity are mutually exclusive,” said Garrus. “Finding the right person for you is all about trial and error. Nopony gets it on their first go. So, if swinging at every ball that comes my way makes me crazy, I guess you better find a straightjacket in my size.”

Raven wanted to argue, but decided against it. Garrus had a fair point, after all, and, if he wanted to keep on breaking his own heart chasing after this Moon Shine character, that was his business. So, instead of voicing her opinion, she decided to let Garrus have this one.

“Well, we’re all crazy in one way or another,” said Raven. “So, if you’re serious about bagging this mare, you’re going to need a plan of attack. Obviously, winging it isn’t working.”

“Winging it? Is that a griffon thing?” asked Garrus, wiggling his left wing.

“Just shut up and tell me if you have a plan.”

“Well, I do.” Garrus grinned sheepishly. “But… I need a favor from you.”

Immediately, a warning signal went off in Raven’s head. As somepony with a line directly to the princess of Equestria, she was asked for favors all the time, and the only time people were that coy and remorseful was when they knew that Raven would be unpleased with the request.

“Alright, Gary,” sighed Raven. “But you’re definitely getting drinks tonight.”

Favors

“Thanks for this, Rave,” said Garrus as he and Raven stepped off of the train. “This means a lot to me.”

“This better be worth it,” grumbled Raven. “I barely survived my first encounter with this weirdo, and you’ve got me throwing away my day off to try at round 2.”

“We’ll be in and out, I swear.”

Raven wasn’t especially fond of Ponyville. It had a small town, backwater vibe that reminded her of home in Fillydelphia, but not in a good way. Raven fought hard to escape the little village where everypony knew her name. She greatly preferred the large, bustling, busy city of Canterlot.

“Explain to me why I’m here again,” said Raven as she and Garrus began making their way from the station and into the town proper. Though she would complain throughout the entire, pointless trip, she didn’t exactly mind it. There were more insufferable ponies for Raven to spend a day with than Garrus, and, if they got this matter dealt with soon, the two would have a rare free day to spend however they wished.

“Pinkie Pie doesn’t know me, but she knows you,” said Garrus. “I figure she’d be more willing to do you a favor rather than me.”

“Ugh. That means I have to talk to her…” Raven truly wasn’t looking forward to speaking with Pinkie for a second time. Just thinking about her last conversation made her head hurt. “C’mon, Gary, let’s get this over with. It’s just down the main road.”

Garrus and Raven headed along the calm, quiet main road of the quaint town, approaching the gingerbread-like building known as Sugarcube Corner. Raven sighed, then pushed open the door and stepped in.

“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” said a mare behind the counter. She smiled widely, beaming a cheery, warm disposition that made Garrus feel at home and Raven want to drink heavily. “I’m Mrs. Cake. What can I do for you?”

“Hello, ma’am,” said Raven, instinctively slipping into business mode. After so many years of being sent to play diplomat with Canterlot nobles on behalf of Celestia, Raven had gotten incredibly good at speaking to ponies she had no desire to interact with. “I’m Raven, and this is my friend Garrus. Pinkie was recently in Canterlot to meet with me.”

“Oh, are you here for her?” asked Mrs. Cake.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’m sorry, dear, Pinkie just left. I just sent her out on a grocery run. She should be back in a few minutes. Feel free to take a seat until she gets back.” As Raven and Garrus took a seat and slipped off their saddlebags, Mrs. Cake turned her head curiously. “Garrus, was it?” Garrus nodded. “Well, hon, if I’m not overstepping… You’re a griffon.”

“Last time I checked, ma’am,” said Garrus. He looked down at his claws and his paws, nodding to himself. “Yup. Still a griffon.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Oh, not at all, ma’am. We griffons have thicker hides than that.” Garrus rose from his seat and made his way to the counter. “Is there something on your mind?”

“Ponyville has been seeing a lot more griffon these days, and we here at Sugarcube Corner has been trying to make them feel more comfortable,” said Mrs. Cake. “Pinkie and I have been working on a recipe for some more griffon-friendly treats.”

“Well, what’s in them?” asked Garrus.

“I just took a batch out of the oven. We’ve got oatmeal-parsnip cookies, coconut mango bars, and organic popcorn balls.”

“Ma’am, those all sound delicious,” said Garrus, once his stomach had finished growling. “How much for one of those cookies?”

“All it’ll cost you is your honest opinion. Here, I’ll go fetch them.”

And with that, Mrs. Cake disappeared into the back. Garrus grinned, which only seemed to irritate Raven. Garrus returned to his seat, studying his friend intently.

“What’s the matter with you?” asked Garrus.

“I don’t like her,” mumbled Raven.

“Why not? She’s super nice.”

“And I hate that. You can't trust anypony that happy. They're up to something.” Garrus shook his head with a smirk. He really should’ve expected something like that Raven.

“What about me?” he asked. “I’m a pretty happy guy.”

“Just because I drink with you doesn’t mean I trust you or your kind.” Raven watched the counter carefully, not wanting to be overheard. “She reminds me of my mom.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“You would think, right?”

Their discussion was interrupted by the return of Mrs. Cake, bearing a tray of quite delicious-smelling treats. Garrus returned to the counter, his beak watering so much that he was liable to flood the bakery.

“Here you go, deary,” said Mrs. Cake, offering the tray to Garrus. He looked over the delicious confections and grabbed up a cookie, which he bit into immediately. To Raven’s annoyance and Mrs. Cake’s glee, he swiftly gobbled six cookies in about five seconds. He went to reach for a seventh when Raven firmly cleared her throat, causing Garrus to retreat his claw.

“Mrs. Cake, if you only sold those, I’d walk from Canterlot every day,” said Garrus. “Those are amazing!”

“Aw, I’m glad you like them, dear. Do you think other griffons would like them?” asked Mrs. Cake.

“Oh, for sure. Though, you know what would sell like crazy?” Despite Raven’s disapproval, Garrus helped himself to another snack. “Jalapenos.”

“Jalapenos? In baked goods?”

“Oh, yeah. See, Griffons don’t have the receptors on our tongues to process spiciness, so that’s not a problem. We just really like the taste of peppers.”

“Hm… Maybe Pinkie was onto something…”

“I knew it!” With a loud bang, the front door flew open. Pinkie Pie leaped into the bakery, towing a little red wagon piled high with groceries. In a single smooth, deft movement, she unhooked herself from her wagon, cartwheeled across the room, and leapt onto the counter. She balanced on her rear hooves, pointing one of her front ones accusingly at Mrs. Cake. “I knew jalapeno fondant was a great idea!”

“Maybe for griffons, dear, but it’s too spicy for ponies,” said Mrs. Cake with a small smile. “Welcome back, hon. Did you get everything?”

“Mh-hm! Milk, eggs, brown sugar, white sugar, wheat flour, cake flour, baking powder and soda, salt—”

“Did you get jarred carrots for Pound and Pumpkin?”

“Ha! Did I get jarred carrots for Pound and Pumpkin! Do sparkle-bombs sparkle?” Pinkie dropped down from the counter, pulled a glittering purple orb from her mane, and tossed it to the ground. It exploded into a cloud of shining pink glitter, coating pretty much everything in the bakery with a layer of shiny dust.

“I’m gonna go with ‘yeah’,” coughed Garrus. “Hi, I’m Garrus. You must be Pinkie Pie.”

“Yessiree! Pinkamena Pie: earth pony mare, baker extraordinaire!” Pinkie grabbed a nearby broom and began sweeping up the glitter. “What can I do for you today?”

“Hello, Ms. Pie,” sighed Raven, wiping the glitter from her glasses. “We spoke the other day about the fundraiser? You made some amazing, and, frankly, implausible desserts and I was hoping I could ask you for a favor.”

“A favor? What kind of favor?” asked Pinkie.

“Wait… Fundraiser? Oh, dear, you were serious…” said Mrs. Cake. “I thought you were just being… Well, just being Pinkie.”

“No, ma’am, she was serious. I hired Pinkie Pie to cater a fundraiser for Princess Celestia,” explained Raven. “But, right now, I wanted to talk to Pinkie about a more personal matter.”

“What is it?” asked Pinkie. Raven and Garrus explained the situation to Pinkie, who nodded throughout. Pinkie produced a pad of paper and a pen, taking notes on anything she found relevant to the situation. By the time they were done talking, Pinkie had several pages of notes to work with.

“And, of course, we don’t expect you to do this for free,” said Raven. “We’d be more than happy to compensate you for your work.” She reached into her saddlebag and withdrew a sack containing five pounds of Canterlot Castle’s dinner mints. “I take it this will be sufficient?”

“I’ll get right to work!” Pinkie snatched up the mints and stowed them in her mane. “I’ll have it done faster than you can say ‘wow, that Pinkie Pie sure is a super-duper quick baker, I wonder how she does it, she’s so awesome and pretty and amazing’!”

And, with that, Pinkie Pie grabbed up the groceries and leapt past the counter, disappearing into the bakery. Raven shook her head, then slipped back into her saddlebags. Garrus did the same, a grin plastered across his face. Though Raven didn’t seem to like Pinkie Pie, she was alright in his book.

“Well, since I’m here, I might as well get some work done,” sighed Raven. “I’ve got to deliver Princess Twilight’s invitation and talk to her about the event. Are you coming?”

Garrus looked up, his beak stuffed with more snacks from Mrs. Cake, and shrugged. Raven shook her head, then left him behind in the bakery so she could handle business.

“Oh, hello,” said Twilight Sparkle as she opened the door. “Raven Inkwell, right? What a pleasant surprise!”

“Hello, your highness,” said Raven, bowing in the doorframe. Twilight blushed, clearly not used to being royalty just yet. She stepped to the side, beckoning for Raven to enter.

“Come in, come in!” said Twilight. “I was just about to put the kettle on.”

Raven wasn't a huge fan of tea. Though she was certain that Twilight meant it as a genuine attempt at hospitality, the notion of a spot of tea while discussing business had been sullied by years of dealing with holier-than-thou nobles who thought that tea with them was a gift from the gods. Still, Twilight seemed decent enough, and Raven was on the clock, so she had to play nice.

“How do you like your tea?” asked Twilight as they entered the kitchen.

“Just a bit of lemon is fine,” said Raven. Twilight nodded, fixing up a cup of tea and passing it to Raven. “Thank you, your highness.”

“Please, don't do the royalty thing, it makes me feel so weird still,” said Twilight sheepishly. She guided Raven through to the dining room, where they both took a seat to continue talking. “So, what brings you here?”

“Business, sadly, but I hope you don't find it too unpleasant. And my sincerest apologies for dropping by without warning,” said Raven. “I just so happened to be in town and I needed to speak with you.”

“Hm? Is it a message from Celestia?” Twilight tilted her head curiously. “She normally sends me letters by dragon. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine, your majesty. I’m simply just here to deliver you this.” Raven reached into her saddlebag and pulled out an ornate, gold-trimmed letter, which she laid out on the table in front of Twilight. “Your invitation to the annual Canterlot Castle Fundraiser.”

“Ooh, I’ve never been to one of these before. Why now?”

“Princess Celestia requested your presence at the event and I took it upon myself to visit you here to prepare you for the event.” Raven slid a stack of papers across the table. “This is the itinerary, as well as information for hotel arrangements in Canterlot. If you wish, I can arrange for a chariot to come pick you up the day before the fundraiser to have you meet with the dressers and makeup artists, then, from there—”

“Actually, Raven, I need to check my schedule,” said Twilight. “When is it?”

“The thirtieth of April,” said Raven cautiously. She wasn’t exactly sure how Twilight could possibly be too busy for the most important fundraiser of the year, but she was willing to entertain the princess for now before asserting sense and reason into the situation.

“Spike!” called the princess. “Could you bring me my agenda for next month?”

“Sure thing, Twilight!” A short second later, a tiny baby dragon waddled his way into the room, clutching a roll of parchment. “Here you go, Twilight. What’s… Whoa…”

“Hello,” said Raven. “I’m—”

“You’re Raven Inkwell!” exclaimed Spike. “You’re the Raven Inkwell!”

“Uh… Yes? How do you know my name?”

“Oh, man, you’re my hero! You’re the best assistant in Equestria!” Spike grinned from ear to ear, unable to contain his excitement. “I’ve been a fan of yours ever since I was a hatchling. I’ve always wanted to be just like you!”

Raven felt a strangeness in her chest, a peculiar emotion that she only had a passing familiarity with. It took her a bit to give it a name, but there was no denying the truth; Raven was feeling genuine, non-sarcastic, unironic joy. Truthfully, it was exceedingly rare that her efforts were ever recognized, and she certainly never had fans of what she did.

“Are you Princess Twilight’s assistant?” asked Raven. Spike nodded enthusiastically, which made Raven smile even more. “You and your princess have accomplished quite a lot in a very short period of time, the mark of a great assistant. And, between you and me…” She lowered her voice to a whisper, leaning in close to Spike. “These royals would never get anything done without us.”

“You’re telling me! Sometimes, Twilight gets so caught up in organizing her checklists that she forgets to do anything on them!” exclaimed Spike. “But, you know, it’s worth it to help out. Making Ponyville a better place.”

“Heh. That’s a very mature attitude to have,” said Raven. “You’re doing fine, little guy. You should be proud of what you do.”

“Ms. Raven? W-would you sign my checklist?” asked Spike. Raven nodded, and Spike immediately ran off to fetch.

“Sorry about that,” said Twilight with a small chuckle. “I didn’t expect him to react like that.”

“Truth be told, Princess Twilight,” said Raven. “I didn’t expect myself to react like that, either.”

“So, yeah, I think this dragon made me like my job again,” said Raven, leaning back in her seat and sipping her beer. “You should’ve seen this guy. He was so excited to see me, it was incredible. I almost felt bad. I wanted to tell him that it’s all downhill from there, but I can’t say that to a kid.”

“Why not?” asked Garrus. “Mind you, I’m not saying you should, I just didn’t think you would be the one to hold back the truth from kids.”

“If a child realizes the truth too early in life, they end up broken, bitter, and angry at the world.” Raven tapped her forehead. “I speak from experience.”

“Ooh, here she comes!” said Garrus, pointing across the bar. Like clockwork, Moon Shine stepped into Ne’er-Do-Wells and made her way to the bar. She beckoned to the barmaid, who brought her a drink and, after just a moment, a beautifully decorated chocolate cake. It was designed to look like the night sky, deep blue and with beautifully bright stars across the surface (Pinkie Pie had even integrated the Libra constellation into the cake). Moon Shine looked at it for a moment before slamming her forehead against the table.

“I don’t think she likes it,” noted Raven, sipping her beer.

“Hold on, we don’t know that,” said Garrus. “Maybe she’s just impressed by my perseverance and tenacity!”

Moon Shine lit up her horn with a deep blue glow, summoning a tube of bright red frosting. She used the frosting to scribble on the cake, then stood up and brought it over to Garrus’ table. Without a single word, she dropped the cake on the table and returned to the bar. She downed her drink, then headed for the door, pointing angrily at Garrus and calling something out to the barmaid as she left.

“‘Piss off, dodo-brain’,” read Raven.

“I can read, Rave, thanks,” said Garrus with a sigh. “Damn it. I guess our trip to Ponyville was for nothing. Sorry for dragging you along.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Gary. I would’ve had to head down there soon, anyway.” Raven swiped across the top of the cake, licking the frosting from her hoof. “You know, I don’t really like Pinkie Pie, but I’d be lying if I said she couldn’t bake. We may as well cut into this thing, right?”

“No point in letting perfectly good cake go to waste,” said Garrus. He flagged down the barmaid and pointed to the cake. She nodded in understanding, dug out a knife from behind the bar, and brought it over to Garrus. With a practiced hoof, she cut into the cake and slid a piece over to Garrus and Raven.

“Bad luck, hon,” she said. “But she’s just not into you. Best to not take it personally.”

“Yeah, I guess… I thought girls liked chocolate…”

“Was that really the entire basis of your cake plan?” asked Raven. “I thought you knew something about this chick that I didn’t.”

“Oh, by the way, she said to charge you for her drinks this week,” said the barmaid. “You can handle that, right?”

Garrus let his head drop, slamming his face into his cake. Raven sighed, digging into her saddlebag for her bits.

“Yeah, yeah,” sighed Raven. “Just put it on my tab…”

News

“Shit,” muttered Raven, her eyes glued to her newspaper. “Son of a bitch, this isn’t good…”

Garrus looked up from his coffee, still tightly clutched in the grasps of sleep. He let out a yawn before adding an absurd amount of sugar and cream to his drink. He was amazed that Raven could be fully awake enough to read this early in the morning, let alone awake enough to swear about what she was reading.

“What?” Garrus yawned again, wondering to himself what he had done to deserve this. “Why are we even here this early? The batpony guards didn’t even clock out yet!”

“Because nothing gets done around here unless I go and do it myself,” said Raven. “And, if I wasn’t here right now, nopony would be around to do damage control.”

“Damage control?”

“Read the paper, featherbrain.” Raven tossed the newspaper at Garrus who lazily caught it.

“Who the hell reads the newspaper these days?” yawned Garrus. He leaned in close to read, his eyes growing wide when he saw the headline. “Celestia exposed? Scandalous photos reveal the secrets of Princess Slutlestia… Oh, man, this isn’t good.” Garrus’s eyes went wide, and he tossed the paper back to Raven. “Those are some… incriminating images. Aw, shit…”

“Aw, shit is right. We’ve got to do something about this,” said Raven. “When’s your shift?”

“Not till 3, which is why I was planning on sleeping in.”

“Well, now you’re planning on helping me save Celestia’s ass. Drink your coffee, then we have to get to work. As member of castle staff, I get my paper a few hours early, so there’s still time to fix this..” Raven chugged her own coffee, ignoring how scalding hot it was. Now was no time for pain. Now was time to get to work. “Meet me by the treasury when you’re done.”

“The treasury? What for?” asked Garrus.

“Technically, grand larceny,” said Raven. Garrus looked at Raven as if she had sprouted a second head. “Don’t worry, it’s a business expense. I can write it off.”

“I think it says something about you that your first concern when about to commit a felony that could land you ten to twenty years in prison is your freaking taxes.” Garrus finished off his coffee then hopped out of his seat, stretching out his wings gingerly. “I don’t think your priorities could be more out of whack, you psycho.”

“Normally, I’d be inclined to agree with you. However, since you’re this psycho’s friend, I don’t think you have the best moral compass. Probably shouldn’t take advice from you in matters such as these.”

Garrus wanted to argue, but, after careful consideration, realized that Raven actually had a really good point.

“Alright, screw it.” He stifled a yawn with his claw before cracking his neck to get down to business. “Let’s go.”

“I can’t help but feel that this is excessively against the law,” said Garrus, dropping another stack of newspapers into the pile. “We just stole from the treasury.”

“Technically, we simply went over budget, and there’s no law against that,” said Raven. “Again, I’ll write it off and it’ll be fine.” She opened the furnace door, a huge wave of heat pouring out from its depths, and began chucking stack after stack of newspapers into the flames.

“Okay, fair enough,” said Garrus. He scooped up two stacks and tossed them into the fire. “But isn’t this technically restricting freedom of speech? The press have a right to print this story and ponies have a right to read it.”

“It’s not immoral to censor the press if the press are assholes slandering the princess’ name.” Raven wiped a bead of sweat from her brow. “So, at worst, this is morally grey.”

“Honestly, I’m only asking cause I wanna know if I can potentially lose my job for this.”

“Oh, nah, you’re good. There’s technically no rule against helping me throw all these newspapers into a fire.”

Garrus sighed tiredly, still not quite able to shake the feeling that he was doing something wrong. As a royal guard in two separate kingdoms, he had a nose for wrongdoing. Still, Raven was certain that they were in the right, and Garrus himself didn’t like the idea of somepony potentially ruining the princess’ image over what had to be a misunderstanding. Plus, Raven needed his help. She helped him before, so now it was time for him to return the favor. Between the two of them, it didn’t take very long to get rid of all of the newspapers. By then, the room had grown uncomfortably hot, and Garrus was very grateful when Raven shut the furnace and headed for the door.

“Now what?” he asked.

“Now, we go find the pony who wrote this story and explain to them that this whole thing is a misunderstanding,” said Raven. “And, if it’s necessary, give him a bit of incentive to retract the story.”

“Really? Bribery?” Garrus buried has face in his claws. “You want to bribe a news outlet?”

“Technically, bribing the press is not a crime.”

Raven trotted out of the room, leaving Garrus alone with his thoughts. This was already starting to get out of hoof. He reaffirmed himself that Raven was his friends, and friends helped one another when the other was in need.

“Oh, and we might have to blackmail them,” said Raven, poking her head back into the room. “I’ll have to pull up my documents… Ah, but don’t worry, blackmail is technically legal, so long as what we’re threatening her with is also legal.”

“You know, you’re getting a lot of mileage out of ‘technically okay’,” noted Garrus.

“Technically right is better than objectively wrong.”

“Fair enough. Lead the way.” Garrus followed Raven out the door and to commit what would be his third “technically legal” activity of the day.

The Canterlot Observer wasn’t far from the castle, only a few blocks away. Raven and Garrus ran to the office in under ten minutes, and it only took another two or three for Raven to talk their way into the offices. As the princess’ sole confidante, she was exceptionally valuable to the press. As such, they tended to try and stay on her good side.

“Who wrote this story, anyway?” asked Garrus as they made their way through the bustling office.

“Preston Pass. Hopefully, he’ll be understanding,” said Raven.

“And if he isn’t?”

“Let’s just hope he’s understanding.”

Raven stopped before an office door, knocking on it firmly. The door opened, revealing a grey pegasus with charcoal eyes. He tilted his head in confusion, looking his guests over.

“May I help you?” he asked.

“Hello, I’m Raven Inkwell, personal adviser to Princess Celestia,” said Raven. “And this is Garrus, of the Solar Guard. I was hoping to have a word with you about the story you ran this morning.”

“Please, come in.” Preston let the two in, shutting his office behind them. He offered them a seat, then bunkered down behind his desk. “So, Ms. Inkwell, what can I do for you.”

“Simply put, I need you to stop printing that story,” said Raven firmly. “While we respect your desire to print something exciting and newsworthy, we must ask you to pull this from your paper.”

“And why should I do that?” asked Preston with a raised eyebrow.

“Because it’s not true,” said Garrus. “And, even if it somehow was true, it’s none of your business. You have to pull the story.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t think I do. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You broke into the castle, the princess’ chambers, to photograph the princess in secret,” said Raven.

“Actually, I didn’t. I was invited in, by Princess Celestia herself,” said Preston. He smirked at Raven’s wide-eyed stare. “Crazy, huh? So, as I said before, I don’t have to take the story down. I’ll reprint and redistribute all month if I want.”

“Okay, even if we believed that Princess Celestia invited you in,” said Garrus. “And, even if we believed that she allowed you to take photos, you referring to them as ‘scandalous’ or ‘evidence of moonlit trysts with a number of unknown stallions’ is not true.”

“Oh, of course. That isn’t true. Luckily, I never said that.” Preston pulled a copy of the paper from his desk and passed it to Garrus. “As you can see, I worded my story very carefully. I said, and I quote, ‘some ponies might consider these images scandalous’. And, later on, ‘possibly’ evidence of ‘potential’ moonlit trysts. I’m just giving the people the information and my own thoughts.”

“You’re intentionally misleading the public!” said Raven, annoyed beyond measure that Celestia had created this issue for her to solve. “And, if nothing else, you cannot call the princess of Equestria a slut. That’s libel.”

“It’s an opinion,” said Preston. He grinned with self-satisfaction, then kicked his hooves up on his desk. “And, more importantly, it’s a money-making story. My job is to write money-making stories, so that’s what I did. Now, if you excuse me, I have another story to write.” Preston grinned again, a sinister glint in his eye. “This one about the princess’ personal assistant attempting to obstruct the truth to protect her employer’s image. Does Celestia know you’re here?” Raven went quiet, glaring, which made Preston chuckle. “Didn’t think so. It wouldn’t look good. So, Ms. Inkwell, I suggest you run along before I absolutely ruin you. Give me a week, I’ll run a story that’ll have you back to shelving books and your boyfriend on the first skychariot back to Griffonstone.”

Raven felt her blood boil, but didn’t say anything. She knew when to back down, and here was a prime example of when to back down. At the moment, she couldn’t do anything about Preston. She would be at an immediate disadvantage if she were to face off with Preston. She decided she’d do the smart thing: retreat, regroup, and form a plan of attack.

Garrus, however, wasn’t content with doing the smart thing.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re an asshole?” asked Garrus. He stood up, a fire burning in his chest. “Don’t you care about what your story might do to Princess Celestia?”

“Honestly? No. She’s been in power for thousands of years, she can handle a little bit of name-calling,” said Preston, insufferably smug in his demeanor. “And, if she can’t… Well, she’s been in power for thousands of years. Maybe it’s time for somepony else to have a try.”

“So you admit, you’re only running this story to defame and discredit the princess!”

“Listen, bird-brain, I don’t know how else to explain this to you. I wrote the story to sell papers, and that’s exactly what the story did. Newsstands all over Canterlot are sold out, begging for a second printing. Papers are moving, and that’s all I care about.”

“Garrus, let it go,” said Raven.

“But he’s—”

“We can’t win this. Not like this. Let him run the story for now.” Raven stood up, turning her back to Preston. “Right now, we’re concerned with damage control. Let’s go contain this mess before it gets out of control.”

“But… Fine.” Garrus let out a huff, following Raven to the door. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Me too, Gary. Me too.

“Ah, Raven, you arrive at last,” said Princess Celestia as her assistant entered the throne room. “You’re late. You’ve always been very punctual. Is everything okay?”

Raven silently crossed the throne room, clutching a newspaper in her mouth. Without a word, she offered it to the princess. Celestia lifted the paper in her sunny yellow glow, then brought it to her face to read. Raven stared at the ground as Celestia read the letter to herself, wincing slightly as the princess let out a gasp of surprise.

“This… This is not the story I thought he’d write…” said Princess Celestia, a faint blush tinging her cheeks. “I… I do not know what to say…”

“Princess, if I’m going to help you fix this, I need to know everything about what happened,” sighed Raven. “Why did you invite this reporter into your chambers?”

“He wanted to ask me a few questions regarding the fundraiser after Day Court. So, I invited him to my chambers for tea and an interview,” explained the princess. “He was such a nice stallion, charming and polite. We had a nice conversation, and he asked if he could take a few photos. I agreed and posed for him. This… This photo was taken in jest. A ‘paint me like one of your Prench mares’ sort of thing. I never expected for him to…”

“Princess, this isn’t good… This story could seriously hurt your image,” said Raven. “We need to figure out how to clean this mess up…”

“Hm… But do we really?” said Celestia.

This woman is going to give me a stroke.

Raven didn’t exactly have any solutions herself, so listening to what Celestia had to say likely wouldn’t hurt. Besides, Celestia was over a thousand years old. Maybe she would have some nugget of wisdom to get them out of this mess.

“Erm… Princess?” said Raven. “What exactly do you mean?”

“What’s so wrong with the princess of Equestria having a more sensual, seductive side?”

Raven wasn’t really sure how to answer that question. If Celestia had to ask, that meant she wouldn’t understand that she was supposed to be a symbol of purity, grace, and chastity. But, just as Raven was about to explain, something clicked in her brain. Maybe, just maybe, Celestia was onto something.

“I… I don’t know,” said Raven. “What are you suggesting?”

“Well, since these photos are already out there…” Celestia gave a small grin. “Why don’t we use them to our advantage?” She could tell that Raven wasn’t quite getting it, which only made the princess smile more. “Do you know how often ponies ask me if I would consider posing for beauty magazines? I think some… risque photoshoots would do wonders for national morale.”

Raven’s jaw just about hit the ground. It was ridiculous to consider. There was no precedent for such a thing. It flew in the face of what the princess should be. And, yet, it was the only solution. The photos were out, the reaction would develop regardless of what they did now, so all they could do is redirect it. It was a brilliant idea.

Too brilliant.

“I’ll contact some photographers now,” said Raven through gritted teeth. “How’s Friday for the shoot?”

“She did this on purpose!” Raven slammed her empty flagon onto the table. “She planned this whole thing out ‘cause she wants to pose for some stupid softcore porn magazine!”

“You sure?” asked Garrus, eyeing his friend carefully. Raven wasn’t exactly a lightweight when it came to drinks, but she was indulging in a few more beers than usual. He’d never seen Raven drunk before, but she seemed to be a touch tipsy.

“How could I have been so stupid?!” said Raven, pounding her hoof against the table. “Even she’s not brainless enough to let some sleaze take photos like that, not if she didn’t have a plan for it.”

“Well, all’s well that ends well, right?” As the barmaid approached, Garrus waved her off. Raven had had enough, as far as Garrus was concerned. “You arrange the shoots, put out a statement to cover your tracks from the first photo, and then you’re golden.”

“No. This isn’t over. I’m still gonna screw over that dickhead at The Observer,” said Raven. “He pissed me off with that shit…”

“Alright, alright, just calm down,” said Garrus. “You okay? You seem like you’re teetering. Maybe we should get you home…”

“Trust me, Gary, I’m not drunk. If I was drunk, you’d know for sure.” Raven gave a tiny hiccup, trying to shake herself sober. “Don’t worry about me. What about you?”

“I’m still on my first beer.”

“You know that’s not what I meant, you dodo. The mare. You still chasing her?”

“Eh… Not really,” said Garrus. “I mean, I’ve got one more trick for when she comes in tonight, but… You were right. She’s not interested, and I was just wasting my time. So, if this doesn’t work, I’m just gonna let her go.”

Almost as if summoned by the conversation about her, Moon Shine entered the bar. Just like every day before, she went right for the bar and ordered her drink. Garrus watched with bated breath as the barmaid brought Moon Shine her drink, then a bouquet of roses on his behalf. Moon Shine didn’t even wait for the barmaid to explain before she stomped across the room. She glared past Raven, locking eyes with Garrus.

“I don’t know how I can possibly make this more clear for you, so I’m just going to come out and say it,” said Moon Shine through gritted teeth. “I am not interested in you, nor have I ever been interested in you, nor will I ever be interested in you. I don’t care what you do for a living, I don’t care what you’re willing to offer me, I don’t care about any of that. I would sincerely hate to have to get the authorities involved, but if you don’t leave me alone, I will. I’m guessing you’re not ready to be shipped back to Griffonstone yet, right?” She was met with silence. “Exactly what I thought. So you can take your drinks and cakes and flowers, turn them sideways, and shove them up your feathery ass. Now leave me alone.”

Moon Shine turned and returned to the bar, leaving Garrus to stare blankly at the table. He blushed in embarrassment, regretting his actions for the first time since initially talking to Moon Shine. Raven clenched her jaw, her blood boiling in her veins. Nopony spoke to her friend like that.

“I’ll be back,” snarled Raven.

“Rave, wait—” Garrus’ pleas fell on deaf ears. Raven slowly made her way across the bar, Garrus following closely behind her. He tried to get Raven to stop, but she was determined. Raven stopped beside Moon Shine, who barely seemed to notice her.

“Hey,” said Raven flatly.

“What do you want?” huffed Moon.

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re a bitch?”

Moon Shine stopped, lowering her drink to the bar counter. She turned in her stool to face Raven, a cold icy stare beaming onto the Royal Adviser.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to say this for ages. You’re a huge bitch! Gary’s been nothing but polite to you! He’s been nice, and all he’s asking is for you to give him a chance, and you can’t do that, can you?” shouted Raven. She was starting to attract stares, but she didn’t care. She was beyond angry by this point. “He’s a nice guy, a good-looking, polite, good-hearted gentleman, which is way more than you deserve! Whatever he sees in you, I don’t get it, ‘cause he deserves better than a stuck-up, conceited, self-centered, mean-spirited bitch like you!”

By this point, the whole bar was staring. Garrus couldn’t look directly at Raven or Moon Shine, instead directing his gaze towards the floor. If he had managed to look at either mare, he would’ve been witness to what was quite possible the most intense, fiery glares in history. Moon Shine’s lip twitched as her anger rose, to an almost insurmountable level.

“Come with me,” hissed Moon Shine. “Outside. Now.”

“Whoa, ladies, let’s not,” said Garrus, snapping out of his stupor. “You don’t have to—”

“Both of you. Outside. Now.”

Moonshine rose from her stool, then, after giving Raven her best glare, departed from the bar. Raven ran after her, followed by Garrus. If Moon Shine wanted a fight, then Raven was more than happy to give it to her.

Raven pushed open the door and stepped into the cool night. She followed Moon Shine around the bar and down the alley adjacent to the bar. Garrus hurried to break up the impending fight, sliding in between the two feuding mares and holding them apart with his claws.

“Don’t do this,” said Garrus. “Raven, it’s okay. Don’t fight her on my behalf.”

“We’re not here to fight, “ said Moon Shine. “Shut up for a minute and let me speak.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve, lady,” said Raven. “I have half a mind to—”

“Raven Inkwell, stop speaking, lest you make things worse for yourself.” Moon Shine lit up her horn, surrounding all three of them in a dense, opaque dome of cerulean light. “Are you two the densest beings in Equestria, or is it just me? You just about blew my cover!”

“What?” Garrus tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean, cover?”

“Wait… How do you know my name?” asked Raven.

”Ugh. You morons!” Moon Shine lit up her horn again, bathing her body in light. She grew slightly in height, slimming out a bit around the neck. Her mane grew longer, and it shimmered as if caught in a breeze. Out of her back unfurled two large blue wings.

“You two have been a massive pain in my ass,” snarled Princess Luna. “Do you know how long it took me to find a bar like this?”

Raven and Garrus stared in disbelief, their jaws dropped from the sheer shock. Luna massaged her temples in annoyance.

“Listen, Garrus, I don’t have anything against you,” sighed Luna. “But, technically, I’m your boss, and dating you would be unethical. I couldn’t exactly say that, so I was hoping you’d take the hint.”

“I’ve been hitting on Princess Luna…” said Garrus, his voice dead and hollow.

“I called Princess Luna a bitch…” said Raven, her voice similarly dead. “I’m going to die…”

“Oh, stop being dramatic. I’ve been banished to the moon for a thousand years,” huffed Luna. “I can handle a bit of name-calling. Just buy me a drink and we’ll call it even.”

Luna lit up her horn, returning her disguise spell. She straightened her mane with a hoof, then turned out of the valley. Raven and Garrus shared a glance, still not quite believing what they had seen.

“Um… It’s my turn to buy drinks, right?” asked Garrus. Raven clutched her head, trying to blink some logic back into the situation.

“Yeah…” sighed Raven. “Would you mind walking me home? I think I’ve had a few too many…”

Bikinis

“So…” Raven shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Moon Shine? That’s what you decided to run with?”

“Yes. Is that a problem?” asked Luna, her disguise perfectly in place. Now that Raven knew Moon Shine’s true identity, she would never be able to look at her the same. A few days prior, Raven was terrified to wake Luna for lunch. Now, she was buying a round of drinks for the Mare of Darkness.

In that moment, Raven realized that her life was absolutely absurd.

“It’s just… A little on the nose, don’t you think?”

Luna drained her glass, sliding it to the middle of the table when she was finished. Raven couldn’t quite tear her eyes away from “Moon Shine”. Raven still couldn’t believe that she had just cussed out the Princess of the Night, nor that it had turned out as well as it had.

“What do you mean? On the nose in what way?” asked Luna.

“You’re going around to bars and calling yourself ‘moonshine’. I mean, I didn’t think anything of it because I thought that was your real name,” said Raven. “But if you chose it… Just seems a bit heavy-hooved.”

“Are we really talking about this? Your friend put me on the spot, okay?” Luna rolled her eyes, helping herself to another drink. “I never intended to talk to anypony. I panicked.”

“The Princess of the Night panicked?”

“Say it a bit louder next time, there might be some ponies at the bar who didn’t hear!” hissed Luna. She drained another beer, amazing Raven with her ability to hold her liquor. Luna must’ve been five or six drinks in, and she didn’t seem affected. “Hm… Is your friend going to be okay?”

“Probably.” Raven waved her hoof in Garrus’ face, his stare blank and glazed. “I think you broke him with your little revelation.”

“You seem to be taking things pretty well, yourself,” noted Luna.

“Well, I realized something. I realized that you shouldn’t be here. That’s why you were so upset about us almost blowing your cover,” said Raven with a mischievous grin. “You can’t snitch on me or else you’ll incriminate yourself. I’ve got immunity.”

“That is a fair assumption to make, Inkwell.” Luna grinned herself, matching and exceeding Raven’s self-satisfaction. “What you failed to consider is that I can simply manipulate my sister’s dreams until she thinks she wants to fire you and blacklist you from ever working in Canterlot again.”

It fell silent, at which point Raven adopted a blank, glazed stare similar to Garrus.

“I’m screwing with you, Inkwell. I have no desire to do that,” sighed Luna. “However, I will be keeping an eye on you and your friend for the time being. Just to ensure that you keep my little secret.”

“Hey, I have a question,” said Garrus, snapping out of his trance.

“Ah, so the griffon lives. What is it?”

“Why exactly are you here?” Luna tilted her head in confusion at that. “Well, you’re a… you’re a princess, for Pete’s sake. Do you really need to go to a shitty bar like this?” Garrus’ eyes went wide, and he slapped his claws over his beak. “Er… Pardon my language, your majesty.”

“Seriously, cool it with the royalty thing. You know what, new rule. Royal decree,” said Luna, raising her hoof as if addressing her subjects (which, in a way, she was). “When we’re within the walls of the bar, you treat me like a normal pony. I give you my word that nothing you say will matter to me in any facet. Frankly, I probably will forget the subject of our conversation by morning, so just be normal.”

“He does bring up a good question,” said Raven. “Why are you here?”

“Because Big Sister doesn’t allow anything stronger than shitty noble wine at home, and I need something a bit stronger to get the edge off. Speaking of…” Luna waved across the bar at the barmaid. “Hey! How about something stronger?” The barmaid stopped at the bar for a moment before approaching their table with a tray holding a bottle of tequila and three shot glasses, which she set on the table.

“You three getting along now?” asked the barmaid.

“Booze’ll do that to you,” said Luna. “And I admire somepony who sticks up for their friends.”

“That’s good. Just try not to cause a fuss in my bar again, okay?” The barmaid smirked, then returned to tend to the bar. Luna poured out shots, immediately taking one down.

“So, what have you two been up to?” asked Luna. “You work in the castle, right? Solar Guard Griffon? And Inkwell, you’re a secretary or something, right?”

Raven felt her eye involuntarily twitch due to the vast, gross oversimplification of what she did for a living.

“I am the personal assistant and Royal Adviser to the Princess of Equestria,” said Raven through gritted teeth. “I am responsible for keeping the princess on schedule, aiding her with any and all tasks, and making sure the cogs in the machine are running smoothly.”

“So you’re basically Tia’s foalsitter.”

“I… Actually, that’s pretty accurate. With respect, it can get really frustrating. She’s so…”

“Stupid? Oblivious? Naive?” Luna yawned, as if she had heard this time and time again. “Yes, she’s always been rather air-headed. Her life has gone so well for so long that she never needed to develop a reasonable sense of skepticism.”

“Wow,” said Garrus. “You too?”

“Of course you’d understand! She’s your sister!” Raven clapped her hooves. “I can’t believe I never thought to talk to you about this before!”

“Yeah, yeah, lay it out,” said Luna, taking a second shot. “What did she do this time?”

“She invited this sleazy reporter to her room for an interview,” explained Raven. “And she intentionally leaked some scandalous images so she has an excuse to pose for some ‘beauty magazines’. The sort your dad keeps in the shoebox under the bed.”

“Son of a bitch!” hissed Luna. “Are you serious?! She’s trying this thing again?!”

“Uh…”

“Damn it, I have to go!” Luna tossed out a few bits onto the table. “I’ll see you two tomorrow, I’ve got to put an end to this before it’s too late.” She jumped up from the table and ran for the door, pausing a few meters from the table. “Griffon, Inkwell, this stays between us, okay?”

And, before either Raven or Garrus could say anything to stop her, she was gone. Raven looked to Garrus, then grabbed her shot and knocked it back.

“Really?” Garrus shook his head in disapproval. “Haven’t you had enough?”

“I’m gonna be honest with you, Gary,” said Raven. “I don’t think all of the booze in Equestria will be enough to make that make any sense. So, you gonna join me or sit there and be boring?”

Garrus sighed, swiped up a shot, and downed it.

“If I’m hungover at work tomorrow, I’m blaming it on you,” said Garrus. “Pass the bottle.”

“Now you’re talking, chief.”

“I quite like the pink one… What do you think, Raven?”

Raven looked up from her “notes”, which consisted entirely of superficial beauty literature and magazines that she was absolutely ashamed to have purchased, rosy-cheeked and unable to look her princess in the eye. The throne room had been cleared out, thankfully, so Raven had only share the room with Celestia herself. The Princess of the Sun was holding a pink bikini with her magic, seeing how the color compared in the light. Next to her throne was a clothes rack with roughly two dozen bathing suits of varying degrees of decency. Apparently oblivious to the unorthodox nature of the day’s agenda, Celestia conducted the process of selecting her outfits for the photoshoot with the same elegance, sophistication, and nobility as she would a diplomatic meeting with the ruler of a neighboring kingdom.

Simply put, the whole situation was rather bizarre.

“Erm… I’m not sure,” said Raven. “Maybe… that gold one?”

Celestia set the bikini onto the rack, then grabbed the gold one that Raven had pointed out. It was a simple one-piece bathing suit, a glittering golden color. Celestia looked it over, inspecting it and imagining how she might look in it.

“I worry that this one might… How do I put this…” Celestia thoughtfully stroked her chin. “I worry it will… accentuate some facets of my form that I am not entirely comfortable with.”

Holy hell, is that modesty I hear?

Raven shook her head, knowing it was too soon to hope. Celestia had effectively sent her assistant to fetch softcore pornography for her. As far as Raven was concerned, Celestia was unfamiliar with the term “modesty”.

“Whatever do you mean, your majesty?” asked Raven.

“I hesitate to admit it, but I think I might be putting on a few pounds.” Celestia poked at her stomach, which was developing a bit of a pudge (though Raven, nor any of the castle staff, would dare say that to her face). “I worry that this might make me look a bit fat.”

Nope, not modesty. Just vanity.

Raven shoved the sarcastic remark out of her head for the time being. Her only hope to preserve some semblance of decency and purity in Equestria’s matriarch would be to convince Celestia to wear the comparatively conservative one-piece. The best chance at that would be to put Celestia’s fears to rest, whether through honest observations or bold-faced lies.

“I don’t see it, your highness,” said Raven. “You seem as thin as ever.”

“Lying is unbecoming, Raven,” said Celestia with a smirk. “Come, you must have noticed. I’ve put on at least ten pounds. I’m growing positively chunky these days.”

“Nonsense, Princess. Though, if you are concerned, perhaps you should try it on? Put your fears to rest?”

“Hm… I suppose that makes sense,” said Celestia, rising from her throne. “Alright, Raven. Turn around.”

Raven sighed, but turned her back to the princess. While Celestia dressed, Raven was free to move her thoughts from defense to offense. Preston’s story was still fresh in her mind, and she wanted to get her revenge as soon as possible. She wasn’t exactly sure what she would do if she could get her hooves on that sleazy, self-serving reporter, but she was determined to make his life a living hell.

“Alright, Raven,” said Celestia finally. “Turn around.” Raven did as she was told, and immediately wished that she hadn’t.

Raven had been Celestia’s official assistant for twenty-three years, starting the job when she was just nineteen. Before even that, she was her mother’s apprentice for five years before that, marking her total time spent working the castle, near and around Celestia, as twenty-eight years. In those nearly three decades of essentially living in Canterlot Castle, Raven had seen a whole lot of Princess Celestia, some things she had been sworn never to repeat to another living soul.

That said, Raven had never seen Celestia’s swaying flank in what was effectively a sparkly golden thong.

“Erm… P-princess?” Raven tried to look pretty much anywhere that was directly at Lady Sun’s swinging moon, but the sheer absurdity of the whole affair was making that pretty hard. “I didn’t realize that this suit was so… Provocative…”

The bathing suit looked very different now that Celestia was wearing it. It seemed that it was originally made for a normal pony; a unicorn or pegasus, if Raven had to guess. It didn’t take into account Celestia’s above-average size, and thus fit much differently than originally intended. What should have been a conservative, covering piece ended up hugging the princess’ curves, sitting snugly and appearing more like a thong than anything.

“So? How do I look?” Celestia looked back over her shoulder, giving a wink and a minxy smile. “Would this sell magazines?”

“Are you asking me to c-comment on your flank?” asked Raven, her face positively glowing red.

“Oh, come now, Raven, we’re both adults. And you’re an attractive mare yourself, your opinion matters a great deal to me,” said Celestia. She bounced her rear slightly in Raven’s direction. “Give me your honest first thoughts. Picture this; You’re a spry, young stallion, and you see a mare like me approaching. Naturally, as I walk past, you catch a glimpse from behind. And this is what you see.” Celestia smiled her sultry, seductive smile. “What do you say?”

Raven’s mind was going blank, the words and ideas required to get herself out of this situation just evaporating on the spot. Her tongue tied itself into a knot, and she felt that Celestia knew that. The princess’ smirk morphed from sensual to smug as time went on, which only embarrassed Raven more.

“Raven? I’m waiting. How would you describe me?” Celestia giggled, both for effect and out of amusement. “Would you describe me as stunning? Eye-catching?” She bounced her eyebrows suggestively. “Sexy?”

“Um…”

Suddenly, the throne room doors blew open. Princess Luna stomped into the room, a cold glare and a sharp scowl displayed on her face. Celestia saw her sister and smiled, despite a single bead of sweat rolling down her forehead.

“Celestia! Enough of your games!” said Luna, slamming the door behind her.

“Oh, thank the Goddess above,” mumbled Raven. A bit louder, she said, “I’ll just be going, work is piling up and—”

“Stay. We may yet require your assistance.” Luna crossed the room with power and purpose, stopping just beside Raven, who was swearing under her breath. She thought she had gotten away. “We would like to inquire as to why Our schedule was pushed ahead so far? Our agenda for later tonight has been pushed forward to now. We managed to finish everything in time, thankfully, but somepony obviously tampered with my schedule. What have you to say of that, sister dearest?”

“Clerical error,” said Celestia brightly, her eyes shut to avoid looking directly at Luna.

“And why was a whole company of Our Lunar Guard awake at this time and tasked with keeping Us as far away from the throne room as possible?”

“Perhaps they simply wanted you to get the beauty sleep you rightfully deserve.” Celestia was sweating a bit more profusely now, still avoiding eye contact with her sister.

“Perhaps, but this leaves one final question. Why are you offering yourself to your assistant?”

“Ah.” Celestia seemed to only then remember the position she was in and proceeded to turn her backside away from her sister and assistant. “Well, the jig is up, so to speak. The truth, then.” Celestia draped her leg around Raven in a warm embrace. “Raven and I have found ourselves in a steamy, passionate office romance.”

“What?!” exclaimed Raven.

“Tia!” Luna puffed angrily, her annoyance with the situation clearly growing.

“Oh, fine. The actual truth. I met with a reporter who took some slightly risque photos, completely in jest and supposedly in complete confidence, when he decided he would use them to run a smear campaign of sorts,” said Celestia, waving her hoof through the air as if Luna was making a big deal out of nothing. “My options limited, I did the only thing I could do. I arranged an equally risque photoshoot, using the already rolling momentum to my advantage. We run these shoots, which boosts national morale. Who doesn’t love sexy mares in skimpy swimsuits?”

“A society that is naked ninety percent of the time, I imagine,” said Luna, rolling her eyes. “Celestia, this was a foolish endeavor. Too many things could go wrong. The public might react all wrong, or somepony more nefarious than your reporter friend may get their hooves on it, or—”

“True, however, Raven already sent the letter over to the photographers and publicists,” said Celestia with a grin. “They’ll be here on Friday. Ooh, since you’re here…” Celestia lifted a swimsuit off of the rack that was similar to her’s, except it was shining silver to contrast with her gold. “I think this would look wonderful on you! Here, try it on.”

“I would sooner attempt to usurp the throne again than put that thing on,” snarled Luna, as if the bikini itself had disrespected her and her family name. “Why in the name of the Goddess would you even suggest such absurdity?”

“Think back to… Oh, it must have been twelve-hundred or so years ago. The week of our Archmage Exams,” said Celestia, a devious grin spreading across her face. “And you went off with your friends on a bit of a bender.”

Immediately, Luna’s face fell. She knew where this is going.

“Tia…” growled Luna.

“Plastered out of your mind, you neglected to study for the test, and I, being the loving, caring sister that I am, allowed you to copy my answers.” Celestia chuckled slightly as her sister shrunk down, attempting to vanish into thin air without a teleportation spell. “And I do recall you telling me that you owed me big time and you would pay me back any place, any time.”

“Celestia, that was a literal millennia ago!”

“And, unless the definition of the term ‘any place, any time’ has changed since I last checked, your offer should still be valid.” Celestia wrapped her wing around Luna, hugging her younger sibling in a way that Luna wasn’t quite fond of. Luna tended to flinch and recoil at any attempts at physical interaction or displays of affection. “Come on, Lulu, it will be so much fun! If you don’t want your pictures published, then fine, but at least come and shoot with me. You’re a beautiful mare, and you deserve to feel that way.”

“Do not call me Lulu,” hissed Luna. “Especially in the presence of the help.”

“For the record, I'll be taking all of this to the grave,” said Raven.

“Come on, Luna, it'll be fun. You used to be upset that nopony appreciated you. Well, why not give them something to look at?”

Luna frowned, her gaze directed at the offensive swimwear. As much as she hated to admit it, she did owe Celestia a favor. Granted, when she originally thought of that favor, swimwear hadn't been invented yet, but the word of a princess is law. As such, she was obligated to grant Celestia her request.

“You are lucky I owe you,” snarled Luna. “Fine! I'll do your stupid photoshoot!”

“You won't regret it, sister. I promise, seeing the way ponies look at you in one of those will make you feel incredible!” Celestia clapped her hooves giddily. “Come, we must get you an outfit! Raven, send a letter to the magazine people, we must…” Celestia trailed off, her eyes glinting deviously for a moment.

“Oh no. That's never a good look,” murmured Raven.

“Raven, I need you to run to Ponyville for me tomorrow,” said Celestia with a grin. “But, for now, take a letter.” Raven nervously produced a quill and a sheet of parchment. “Dear Princess Cadance…”

“Wait… I don't mean to overstep,” said Garrus. As usual, at Ne’er-Do-Wells, Raven had gone on a tirade about her day. Today especially was quite amusing, albeit raising a few questions. “If you're not comfortable answering, you don't have to.”

“Go for it,” sighed Raven, sipping her beer. Today was especially tiring for her, with all of the shameful, embarrassing activities she had to participate in. “Today seems to be ‘Make Raven Blush Day’, so why stop now?”

“Alright, then. That story just made me wonder, and it's really none of my business, but… Are you gay?”

Raven just about choked on her beer. She coughed and sputtered for a moment before recovering.

“What? No! What makes you think I'm gay?” asked Raven.

“The way you reacted to Celestia, it just made me think,” said Garrus. “I've never seen you with a guy, and, based on your own testimony, you were really flustered. I thought you might've had a thing for the princess.”

“It's not like that. Most little girls idolized her during puberty, myself included. She's most pony’s first crush.” Raven buried her face in her hooves. “I don't swing for mares, but everypony has their one exception.”

“I don't know if that's universal.”

“Really? You don’t have one friend who makes you go ‘yeah, I’d hit that’?” asked Raven.

“No, not that I can think of. Also, I don’t think that’s a thing,” said Garrus. “Not in Griffonstone, anyway.”

“Hm. I think we just have to find you the right guy. Somepony small and sensitive. Somepony to snuggle up with by a fire and read cheesy romance novels with.”

“Are… Are you shipping me right now?”

“What the hell is ‘shipping’?”

Garrus was about to answer when their party of two became of three. Luna sat down beside Raven, two whiskeys already hovering in her magical glow. She didn’t say much to either pony she sat with, too busy downing both of her drinks.

“Um… Hi?” said Garrus carefully. “Starting strong there, eh?”

“You would if you were me, Griffon. Big Sister pulled some major bullshit and put me in a less than savory position,” huffed Luna. “I can’t believe she’s still trying to do this!”

“She’s done it before?” asked Raven.

“She’s been having a midlife crisis for the past eleven-hundred or so years! She feels like an old hag, so her solution to that is to cougar it up. You commoners don’t know this, but Tia is a relentless flirt. Simply couldn’t keep it in her pants.”

“Was it really as bad as Raven said?” asked Garrus. “Also, my name is ‘Garrus’.”

“I’m not certain what she’s told you, but I doubt she exaggerated,” sighed Luna. “The average pony simply lacks the creative talent to make this shit up.” She dropped her head on the table, resting her chin against the wood. “I should’ve specified that the favor she called in couldn’t involve humiliating me in front of the entire country.”

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad, your high—” If looks could kill, Luna’s glare would have had Garrus pushing daisies. “Sorry. Moon Shine.”

“You don’t understand. Big Sister will never let me forget this,” complained Luna. “Every summer, she’ll bring it up. And there’s no saying where this path will lead. What starts out as a taste for some softcore photoshoot might grow into something more intense.”

“At which point, I will firmly put my hoof down,” said Raven. “If Princess Celestia appears in a XXX mag, it won’t be while I’m on the job.”

“Yeah, and how well did putting your hoof down work during that ‘steamy, passionate office romance’, huh?” Luna turned one of her glasses upside down, stacking the second on top out of boredom.

“Am I allowed to say ‘screw you’?” asked Raven.

“Take me to dinner and buy me a drink first,” snorted Luna. Raven tipped Luna’s cups, causing the princess in disguise to frown.

“Screw you,” said Raven, sticking out her tongue. Luna looked around to make sure the coast was clear, then partially broke her disguise, using one of her large wings to give Raven an obscene gesture before returning the spell.

“Piss off, Inkwell.”

“Speaking of screwing you,” said Garrus, immediately catching two dirty looks. “Shit, that came out wrong… I was just gonna ask about this exception thing. Raven says everypony has somepony they’d go gay for, and I was curious how universal that was.”

“Along with death and taxes, it’s one of the only constant truths,” said Luna. “You look like you’d swing for a tiny little fem-stallion who likes trashy romance stories.”

“See?” said Raven. “Told you. Who’s your mare, Luna?”

“I have a few. Most of them are dead by now. Of those living, though… Probably Pinkie Pie.” Luna took the flagons on the table and added them to her cup-stack, oblivious to the stares she was getting until she was done. “What? I think she’s cute. A bit too all over the place for anything serious, but for a fling… I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.”

It got quiet for a bit, as Raven and Garrus tried to decide what to do with the information they were given.

“I’m going to Ponyville tomorrow,” said Raven. “And I’m so going to tell her.”

Luna dropped her cups, her expression exploding into fury.

“I will murder you, Inkwell, don’t even think about it!”

Author's Note

You think this story needs a sex tag?

Photoshoot

“Yeah, so, I thought you were exaggerating for the sake of anecdote,” said Garrus quietly, clearing his throat nervously. “But, yeah, you were right. This is extremely uncomfortable.”

“You think this is bad? At least she’s not coming on to you for a prank,” sighed Raven, wishing with all her heart that she could avert her eyes. Sadly, Celestia would no doubt notice, and no doubt make things even more awkward than they already were. As such, Raven was forced to watch Photo Finish work, posing the princesses of Equestria in increasingly lewd positions. To make matters even worse, there was also an entire company of Solar Guards sent to protect the princesses from any hypothetical threats.

The more ponies in the room, watching Luna, Celestia, Cadance, and Twilight get fitted for various bikinis and lingerie, the deeper and more intensely did Raven find herself blushing.

“Alright, so, I get Celestia for this shoot,” said Garrus. He made sure that he was looking directly ahead as he spoke, so as to not be accused of fraternizing when he should be guarding his princess. “Personification of beauty and maternity, et cetera. And I get Luna, by proxy. And I even get Princess Cadenza. She’s kinda…”

“Don’t say it…”

“Kinda MILF-y, I guess.”

“You said it anyway…”

“My point is… Why Princess Twilight?” Garrus found himself in a curious predicament, where he couldn’t look directly at the thing which he wanted to focus on; The last thing he needed was to be known as the pervy Exchange Guard who was creeping over one of the princesses. “Not that she’s not pretty or anything, but she just seems so… mundane, by comparison. Like, you’ve got a goddess, another goddess, a third goddess, this one literally of beauty and love, and then… What, a foxy librarian?”

“Okay, ignoring your almost comically out of date slang with the term ‘foxy’, the answer to that question is simple,” sighed Raven. “She’s your average girl-next-door type. The fixer-upper. Like that nerdy girl in high school that you don’t realize is actually a babe until she ditches the glasses and puts on her dress. While the stupid jocks and rich kids are foaming at the mouth to get their perfect little Radiant Beauty, the girl-next-door has her make-up and dress on, looking drop-dead gorgeous, and all they want is for one damn colt to ask them to prom.”

It got quiet for a bit, and Garrus decided to break his gaze at the princesses to look at his friend. Raven seemed mostly fine, save for her twitching jaw.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked.

“Nope. Nothing to talk about.” Raven looked about as unconvincing as she sounded. “Jokes on them, though. I've seen Radiant recently, and she got fat. Could've ended up with that okay-looking girl-next-door, with a steady job and a 401k, but nope. Couldn't give her a chance…”

“Speaking of psychotic breaks, what are you plans for after work?” asked Garrus.

“It's too late to pity-date me, Gary.”

“I meant about Dickhead McSlander. You said you had plans for him?”

“Technically, he's Dickhead McLibel, and I'm working on it. I haven't had a whole lot of time to do research. I've been busy putting this together.”

If Raven was being perfectly honest, she was kind of proud of the event. Though she didn't necessarily agree with the photoshoot, she couldn't deny that it would be successful. Celestia alone would cause the magazine to sell out instantly, and the addition of Luna, Twilight, and Cadance would do nothing but help sell more copies. Furthermore, Raven managed to negotiate the inclusion of a tiny little advert for the fundraiser. If nothing else, this salacious shoot would raise awareness of the event. Now, all Raven had to do was put together a statement denouncing the earlier photos by Preston, and they were golden. On a professional level, the shoot was a success.

More personally… Raven wasn't sure how to feel. On one hoof, she felt it flew in the face of what a princess was meant to be. Perhaps Raven was a bit old-fashioned and stuck in her ways, but she didn't feel entirely comfortable with presenting her princesses in this way. It just felt wrong. Raven blamed her mother for getting her mind like that; Harpy Inkwell had beat it into a young Raven’s head that the princesses’ honor was to be defended to the best of one's abilities. To allow her princess to be seen on such a way, in Raven’s eyes, was a testament to her failure as the Royal Advisor.

On the other hoof, the “models” seemed to be having a genuinely good time. Celestia, unsurprisingly, was playing the role of attractive super model incredibly well, her posing, posture, and general camera presence nearing perfection. Princess Cadance was also playing her role well, her knowledge of love and attraction being used to generate the exact response she wanted, dangerously toeing the line between wholesomely beautiful and cheek-tinglingly sexy.

And, as Raven had explained to Garrus, Twilight brought a plain-Jane, everygirl vibe to the shoot. She was a beautiful mare, if a bit average (compared to the other three alicorns), and she had a certain mystique that the other princesses didn't possess. Twilight Sparkle was a much more down-to-earth mare than the other three princesses, much more real. There were plenty of ponies, especially in Ponyville, who had met Twilight before her ascension to princess. This gave her the advantage of appeal by a perceived sense of intimacy. Though originally a bit timid, she soon warmed to the idea and found herself enjoying it quite a bit.

Lastly was Luna, who swore to the Goddess above that she hated every single second of the photoshoot. She refused to smile, which was originally a problem, until Photo Finish had a flash of inspiration. Cadance and Celestia brought confidence, and Twilight brought an adorable shyness, so Luna would have to bring a sort of ferocity. Photo Finish harnessed that apparent anger, that intensity, and channelled it into fierce, impactful shots. Once the obstacle of Luna’s particular disposition was solved, Raven could have sworn she saw the Princess of the Night crack a grin between shots.

“You ever think about how weird your job is?” asked Garrus.

“Weird in what way?”

“Earlier this week, you were putting together a government fundraiser. Today… this. It's an eclectic mix.”

“Honestly… I kinda need it like that. Otherwise, this would be the most boring job in the world,” admitted Raven. “I might not like doing this all the time, but at least it isn't boring.” Celestia caught Raven’s gaze and winked seductively, blowing her a kiss. Raven felt her cheeks tinge red, much to her own annoyance. “You know what? I take it back. Boring is better than dealing with her.”

“I'm just saying, you people have no taste in women,” said Luna, in her Moon Shine disguise. She poured over the newest issue of Cosmarepolitan, as if that would somehow cause its contents to change, over a beer after work. The magazines had printed, and Luna had been obsessing over the articles and sidebars that it contained. “I mean, seriously? You vote Princess Luna as the least attractive Princess? That's complete bullshit!”

“Sorry, Moonie, you lost fair and square,” said Raven, a touch uncomfortable. It was one thing watching Luna and her fellow princesses take scandalous photos, but it was another thing entirely to listen to Luna complain about the results of the “Sexiest Princess” poll in the magazine. It wouldn't be too bad if they were in the castle or some place more secluded, but the fact was that Luna decided to start her tirade when she, Raven, and Garrus were comfortably in their favorite seats at Ne’er-Do-Wells made everything a thousand times more awkward.

“I demand a recount,” declared Luna. “I refuse to believe that the Equestrian masses cannot see that I am visually superior to Big Sister! I mean, sure, she's taller than me, and sure, she's thinner than me, and sure, she does have that perfect goddamn smile where you can see every glistening, glittering, shining tooth, and sure, she has that stupid, fat, annoyingly bouncy flank, and—!”

“I feel like you're dealing with some stuff outside of the magazine poll,” noted Garrus. Luna simply gave him a blank look.

“Need I remind you, Griffon, of the story of Princess Luna?” said Luna flatly. “The story of her jealousy-fueled rebellion and subsequent millenia-long banishment?”

“Touche. Also, my name is Garrus. Not Griffon.”

“Already forgot. The point is, I'm way hotter than Big Sister! Here, I'll prove it!” Luna scanned the bar for a bit, her eyes eventually falling on a stallion who was making his way to the bar counter. “Hey! You, dude with the beard, c’mere!”

The bearded stallion in question made his way over to the table, much to the dismay of Raven. The entire point of going to Ne’er-Do-Wells was to avoid attention, yet here Luna was, calling some over.

“Uh… Yeah?” The stallion was, clearly, confused. “What's up?”

“Trying to prove a point. What do you think of Princess Luna?” asked Luna.

“She's fine, I guess. I mean, I'm still kinda getting used to her being around, I guess. It's been a few years, but it's still kind of strange seeing anypony by Princess Celestia’s side. But, she's nice, and I appreciate—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you think she's hot?”

“Uh… What?”

“Do you find Luna to be physically attractive?”

“I… I suppose? I don't really think of her like that,” said the stallion. “It's weird.”

“Yeah, sure, but if there were no consequences and you could have your pick of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna… Who would you pick?” asked Luna.

“Pick for what?”

“What do you think! A night of rolling in the hay!”

“Um… I'm married, so I don't know if I can answer that—”

“Oh, just pick one, you pansy!”

“Fine! Luna, I guess!” The stallion managed to escape Luna’s questioning before things got too uncomfortable. Luna nodded with contentment, taking a swig of her beer.

“See? That guy knows what's what,” said Luna.

“You basically forced him,” pointed out Garrus. “That admission was under duress…”

“And we didn't come here to talk about your inferiority complex,” said Raven. “We came here to brainstorm plans to get revenge on Preston Pass.”

“Who?”

“The dickhead who posted those pictures of your sister?”

“Oh. You didn't didn't do that yet?” yawned Luna. “You've got options. Just expose his affair and illegitimate son, you'll ruin his reputation.” Raven and Garrus went quiet, which perplexed Luna. “What? Didn't you know?”

“No! We asked you, if you dig up anything we could use on him, to tell us immediately! How long have you known about this?!”

“Well, I've been watching his dreams ever since I got home from my… vacation to the moon,” said Luna. “As is my job. So, I guess I've known for a year or two? I've tried to tell him to come clean before something like this happened, but he's stubborn. Turns out, he's a dick, so might as well make use of that information.”

“Why didn't you tell us?!” demanded Raven.

“I forgot, okay? Geez! I watch hundreds of dreams a night, I can't keep them all straight in my head. But, yeah, if you want to ruin his personal life, that'd be the way to do it. If you feel like waiting, I can probably probe for more information.”

“I think ruining the dude's marriage might be a bit much,” said Garrus. “If we do that, we're not better than him for putting Princess Celestia’s business out there.”

“Hm… True, but… There's something there,” said Raven. “I'll have to look into things a bit, but… thanks for the tip, Moon Shine.”

“You're welcome. But, in the meantime…” Luna grinned deviously. “Bone, Marry, Kill, with Celestia, Cadance, and me.”

“Moon Shine! I'm not feeding your ego! We've told you, you're perfectly attractive. Don't take that poll so seriously.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but Bone, Marry, Kill. Griffon! You first!”

“I plead the fifth,” said Garrus simply.

“Overruled. Play the game or you pay for drinks.”

“Bone you, Marry Cadance, Kill Celestia.”

“Answer honestly, Griffon,” ordered Luna. “I can tell if you're lying.”

“Alright, fine! Bone Cadance, Marry Celestia, Kill you!” admitted Garrus. “But only because you really mentally scarred me with your disguise. Every time I see a mare with any blue or purple to them, I think it’s you playing a prank on me.”

It got quiet for a bit, Luna keeping her eyes on the table. She took a swig of her beer, her ears flat against her skull.

“I was bluffing…” She murmured. “I just wanted to hear you say it again…”

“Son of a… Raven, do something!”

“Bone Celestia, Marry Cadance, Kill Luna,” said Raven flatly. Garrus gave her a dirty look, making it abundantly clear that Raven gave the precise wrong answer. “What? These are all terrible options! I can either bang her once, which ruins our relationship forever, marry her, which is a thirty-year long journey of us discovering how much we hate each other, or I can do the merciful thing and kill her now. Which would you prefer?”

“Wow,” said Luna. “And I thought I had issues.”

“Yeah, that was heavy,” agreed Garrus. “You don't believe in marriage?”

“Of course I believe in it, it's an institution that exists in the world.” Raven rolled her eyes. “I just think the odds of it working out are too low and the payoff too circumstantial to justify the amount of effort required. Why would I bother putting myself in a position where getting myself hurt is a matter of ‘when’ not ‘if’? For what? A sense of accomplishment? A concept of unity? I got the same feeling from the Filly Scouts.”

“I didn't much care for you, Inkwell,” said Luna. “But you've got your head on straight.”

“No! No she doesn't!” said Garrus. “Dude, marriage is a beautiful thing. It's the representation of the purest, most genuine, most powerful love between two ponies. And it's difficult and confusing, but of course it's worth it. It’s the most beautiful thing in life.”

The two mares at the table shared a glance, then burst into raucous laughter.

“We need to find you that fem-stallion,” chuckled Luna.

“That’s for sure,” agreed Raven. Garrus sighed, massaging his temples with his claws. These two friends of his would, undoubtedly, be his undoing.

“Ugh. Why do I hang out with you people?”

Special Brownies

Garrus yawned, scratching a claw through his feathers as he pulled himself out of his “bed”. The Solar Guard had been kind enough to supply Garrus with a bed when he had arrived in Canterlot, and Garrus was very grateful for the gesture. Unfortunately, the first few nights Garrus spent on it were the most uncomfortable 72 hours of his life. Somehow, the cotton of the linens felt like barbed wire against his body, and the mattress was far too dense for his liking. As such, he had made a sort of nest out of straw, hay, and old sweatshirts on top of the guard-issued cot. It wasn't pretty, but it was functional.

This was a fairly accurate way to describe Garrus’ apartment in its entirety. It was small, with his bedroom, living room, and kitchen all existing in about the same area, and it lacked much more than his basic necessities. Though it was small, basic, and very obviously a temporary home, Garrus knew he'd miss it when he had to return to his real home. He hadn’t been in Equestria for an excessively long time, only around six months, but he had really fallen in love with the pony kingdom. The sense of unity and friendship, the warmth, the general camaraderie was something that just didn’t exist in Griffonstone, and Garrus had no idea how much he had been missing it in his life until he had made the airship ride across the pond.

A knock at the door stole Garrus away from his musings. It was way too earlier for visitors, so that left only the mail, though that was strange in its own right. Garrus didn’t often receive packages, on account of not knowing many people in Equestria. The only time he received mail of this nature was when he was importing his food from home, but he wasn’t due another shipment of mice for a week or so. That left only one possibility, a possibility that made Garrus smile widely and rush for the door. He pulled it open to find a blue-clad delivery pony, holding a clipboard in his hooves and carrying a box on his back.

“Package for Garrus Oak,” said the delivery pony.

“That’s me.”

“Well, just sign here.” The delivery pony handed Garrus the clipboard and a pen, which Garrus used to sign his name on the dotted line at the bottom of the order sheet. The delivery pony took his things back and passed Garrus his package. “Here you are, bud. Have a nice day!”

“Thanks, you too,” said Garrus, feeling his beak water in anticipation. He shut his door and carried his box to his kitchen counter (making mental note to pick up the soda bottles he knocked over in doing so), and he immediately tore into the cardboard.

Sitting inside the box were three plastic containers, filled to burst with various griffon treats. Cookies filled one, while another was devoted to brownies and blondies. The last one was divided in three using cardboard, each section holding a different flavor of popcorn. On top of the containers was a note, which, more so than the treats, brought a smile to Garrus’ face.

“Dear Gary.” Garrus read aloud, using his free claw to pop open a container and grab a brownie. He took a big bite, just about melting at the rich, chocolatey, slightly earthy sweet. “It’s been way too long since my last letter to you, work has been absolutely crazy. But the radio silence is my bad, so accept these treats as an apology.” Garrus chuckled, continuing to stuff his beak as he read through the note. “Mom and Dad miss you, even though they pretend that they’re fine. It’s been ages since they last heard from you, and I get it—you’re busy living the pony experience—but that’s not enough for them. So, basically, write to Mom! You should be ashamed of yourself, neglecting your mother like that! Ugh, I sound like Dad…

“In any case, Gary, I’m living the life. I’m getting even better in the kitchen (implausible, I know, but I swear it’s true). I’ve been busy, busy, busy, but I’ve been thinking about going on a little vacation. It’ll be a big dent in my bank account, and probably won’t be anywhere near as cool as you make it out to be, but I’m gonna make my way up to Equestria soon. It’ll be just like old times! You, me, a couple of drinks, maybe that Raven chick you keep writing me about (don’t worry, I didn’t tell Mom about your little pony crush). It’ll be great.

“Anyway, Gary, I know you’re doing something great with your life, and I know we don’t always see eye-to-eye, but I love ya, guy. I respect what you’re doing, and I can’t wait to see how you make Griffonstone a more prosperous kingdom than it ever had been before! So, enjoy those treats (in moderation), and learn everything you can about Equestria, bring some of that shining prosperity over here. Til next time, Garrett.”

Garrus was very grateful for the care package, doubly so for the note. It had been simply too long since he spoke to his brother, or any of his family, really. He’d need to be better about that in the future. Unfortunately, he didn’t have much time or brain-activity to think about that at the moment. Currently, he was trying to decipher the meaning of the phrase “enjoy them in moderation”.

Garrus looked into the box again, this time noticing a second note that he hadn’t seen before. Garrus grabbed it up and immediately went pale in the face.

“Careful, bro, these CEs are stronger than you probably remember. Maybe take them a few at a time.”

Garrus looked down, at the mostly-empty container of brownies, and felt as if he was about to throw up.

“Oh, shit.”

Raven murmured quietly to herself as she made her way down the dim corridors of Canterlot Castle to the throne room, wondering what would be on her plate today. The photoshoot was firmly behind her, so, knowing Celestia, there’d be a whole other debacle that would distract them from the upcoming fundraiser. She slipped into game mode, wanting nothing more than to stay on course.

Raven let out a yelp as two claws grabbed her and dragged her into the shadows. She panicked, flailing her hooves wildly to escape her captor’s grasp. It was only when she took a moment to look at her assailant that she realized that she was perfectly safe. Then, she went from fearing for her life to intensely annoyed.

“What the hell, Gary?” she demanded, clutching her chest. “You just about gave me a heart attack!”

“Rave, I need your help. Like, really frigging badly.” Garrus spoke in a hushed whisper, as if afraid of being overheard. “I’ve really done it this time.”

“What happened? Why are you even here? Your shift doesn’t start for another hour.”

“Okay, okay, so, my brother is a chef back home, and he sent me a package of brownies and stuff, and I was hungry, so I ate like the whole box!”

“Is that supposed to be shocking?”

“Shut up, I’m not finished. So, I ate the whole box, and then I see a note that’s telling me to be careful, cause they’re CEs!”

“Uh… They’re what?” Raven could tell that Garrus was seriously freaking out, but she couldn’t do much to help him without knowing what in Celestia’s name he was worried about.

“CEs! Catnip edibles!” hissed Garrus. “The brownies were loaded with catnip!”

Raven stared at her friend blankly for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he was serious. When she was absolutely certain that he was not joking, she descended into raucous laughter.

“It's not funny!”

“That's where you're wrong, bud. This is hilarious!” cackled Raven. “Oh, man, good luck. Try not to eat up the whole cafeteria!”

Garrus paused, his annoyance breaking way into confusion. What in the world was Raven even talking about?

“Uh… What?” Garrus tilted his head in confusion. “Why would I eat the whole cafeteria?”

“Munchies?”

“What do you think catnip is, Rave?”

“I dunno. Isn’t it like magic grass?” asked Raven. “Sleepy, hungry, easily humored?”

Garrus felt his palm meet his forehead firmly. He didn’t have time for this!

“No! It’s not just something you take a puff of and go back to work! It’s like… Well, potency-wise, the closest pony equivalent is probably…” Garrus had to think for a bit. Catnip was a rather unique substance, the effects of which Garrus could scarcely compare to anything with 100% accuracy. “Probably Pixie Sugar.”

“Yikes. What does it do?”

“Well, I’ve got maybe twenty more minutes before this stuff kicks in, and then I’m just gonna shut off. My brain, just—” Garrus snapped his claws and adopted a blank, gaped-beak expression. “—Just like that! Man, I can’t work like this, and if I get caught high…”

“Shut up, featherhead. You panicking won’t get us any nearer a solution.” Raven inhaled deeply, chewing on her lip in thought. After a moment, she stomped her hoof decisively, giving a nod. “Okay. I’ve got an emergency sick day that I’ve been sitting on, I might as well use it now. I’ll tell Celestia that something came up, then I’ll run down to the barracks and request a guard escort me on my errands, because I’ve been harassed lately.” Raven sighed. “Who’s your CO?”

“Falchion.”

“Son of a bitch, you just had to have a hard-ass… I’ll have to whip something together, but… This is gonna work.” Raven poked Garrus firmly in the chest, quite literally ruffling his feathers. “You owe me, birdbrain.”

“Sure, duh, whatever you need, any time, any place!” Garrus was all but on his knees, begging. “Just please, help me! If I get caught by the other guards, or castle staff, they’ll cart me right back to Griffonstone! I don’t wanna leave yet, Rave, I like it here a lot, not to mention my career will be over! I really, really, really need your—”

“Gary. Time is short,” said Raven firmly. “Get a grip on yourself. Now, do you wanna whine or do you wanna save your own ass?”

“Definitely save my own ass.”

“Good. Now shut up and head to your barracks. I’ll meet you there, okay?”

“But what if it kicks in? I won’t—”

“Gary! We’ve been friends for quite some time now, but I’m going to ask you to do something that I’ve never asked of you before,” said Raven. Garrus gulped nervously, holding on to everything Raven had to say. “I’m going to ask you to trust me. And I don’t just throw around trust blindly. The word ‘trust’ means something to me. I wouldn’t ask for it if I didn’t intend to deliver on it. So, stallion up, get your panties unbunched, and trust me.”

Garrus gazed at his friend for a moment, a bit awestruck. Raven was a pony, through and through, but she definitely reminded him of some griffons he knew. Even when she was trying to be kind and helpful and compassionate, she had a hard exterior, a no-nonsense, all-business aura to her. It was one of the things Garrus respected most about her.

“Alright, Rave,” sighed Garrus finally. “I trust you.”

“Good. Let’s get down to business.”

And, at that, they broke, with Raven immediately heading for the throne room. She never looked back at Garrus, her focus completely devoted to the task at hoof. It was a quick jog from where Garrus had abducted her to the throne room. Raven checked her watch, confirming that she was a bit late, which was perfect for her purposes. She ruffled her hair, giving herself a slightly wild, crazed look, and she intentionally tilted her glasses crookedly. She reached into her saddlebag for her compact and checked herself. Sufficiently satisfied with her slightly frazzled appearance, Raven pushed open the throne room doors and briskly walked in.

“Ah, Ms. Inkwell. Are we ready to begin?” said Celestia, smiling kindly at her assistant. Raven didn't speak as she crossed the long, skinny room and bowed before the throne. “Hm? Is everything okay, Ms. Inkwell?”

“Apologies, your majesty, but I must leave early,” said Raven frantically. “There's been a family emergency that I must see to at once.”

“Family emergency? Heavens, I hope everything is alright. What happened?”

Ugh. Damn her and her genuine concern for my family!

“I just received a letter from my cousin, Hawkwood… his wife had an accident. It looks bleak,” said Raven. She genuinely hated having to lie to Celestia, or lie in general. It made her feel all slimy and greasy. “We were always especially close, more like brother and sister, and I'm all he really has left these days. He's depending on me to—”

“Raven, please,” said Celestia, raising her hoof to silence her advisor. “I understand your position, my dear. Worry not, I can manage without you for a day. Family takes priority. Go to your cousin, come back when you can.”

“Thank you, your grace. I am eternally grateful for your understanding.” Raven rose from her now and began heading for the door. “I will return to your side as soon as possible.”

Celestia gave a warm, understanding smile as Raven left the room. Raven pushed open the door and stepped out, shaking her head as she did. If anypony else had asked her to risk her job by lying to Celestia, she'd tell them to take a long walk off of a short pier. And, while she’d do anything she could to help Garrus, this particular favor would be one that Raven would make sure she was paid back for.

She shook these thoughts from her brain for the time being. For now, she had to have a chat with the captain of the Solar Guard.

“No,” said Captain Falchion simply. “Now, if you don't mind, I've got work to do.”

“As do I, Falchion, which is why I've come to you in the first place.” Raven didn't like Falchion, an old, crotchety unicorn who Raven swore must have been working for the guard since its inception. Though his age was approximately one million, he was still a strong, sturdy stallion. His ash-grey face was marred with old cuts and slashes, scars from his service to the country. Though it wasn't required of him, due to his rank, he still wore his silvery mane to regulation: short and neat. As was the case whenever Raven saw him in the barracks, Falchion was wearing his golden armor and was periodically shouting at his troops as they trained around him. Some were doing push-ups, others crunches, while others still were doing laps around the expansive barrack. Garrus was among those jogging, his eyes showing a terror that was difficult to replicate. Raven needed Garrus out of here, but Falchion simply wasn’t budging.

Suffice it to say, Raven didn't much care for him at all.

“Falchion, I need one of your men,” said Raven again. “This creep has been following me for days, and I don't feel safe.”

“I don’t see how that is even remotely my problem,” said Falchion, the nasty old man. “I am running the Solar Guard, Inkwell. The most elite military in the world. The first line of defense of the prosperous kingdom of Equestria! These are trained soldiers, guardians, and warriors, not your damn bouncers!”

Raven had to refrain from saying what she felt, because she had no desire to spend the weekend in Canterlot Dungeon for harassing a guard. Furthermore, every second she wasted here was a second she risked her ruse being discovered by Celestia. She needed to get this thing resolved quickly.

“I’ll explain how this is your problem, Captain,” said Raven, wanting to vomit upon using the man’s proper title in an attempt to stroke his ego. “Let me break things down for you. Princess Celestia delegates a series of tasks to me, with the expectation that I fulfill said tasks. I cannot fulfill these tasks if I’m busy fearing for my life. Then, when the princess doesn’t have her important documents and is in a flurry to make a meeting tomorrow on time, I can only blame you.”

“Respectfully, Inkwell, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take me for a fool,” said Falchion. “Don't bullshit a bullshitter. I know as well as you do that, if Celestia didn't have the information she needed, the pony she's meeting with would happily supply her with a copy. So, try a new one.”

“Captain Falchion, I need a bodyguard! Please, I'm running behind as it is!” Raven noticed Garrus near the corner of the room, coughing and hacking, just a bit of foamy spit dripping from the corner of his beak. “Falchion, please!”

“The answer, Inkwell, is no. The answer will always be no. I suggest you invest in some pepper spray, because I'm not pimping any of my men out for some goddamn Rent-a-Cop program!”

“What appears to be the problem?”

Even though Raven knew that she was a friend, Luna’s sudden voice terrified her. The Princess of the Night had, at some point, drifted into the room like a calm night’s breeze. Cold. Quiet. Intimidating.

“Y-your majesty!” said Falchion, standing up straight and saluting. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“We sensed conflict during our daily rounds before retiring to Our quarters,” said Luna. She didn’t yet acknowledge either of her bar companions, not even the drooling, sputtering, hissing Garrus. “We hope that everything is going well?”

“Actually, your grace, I was attempting to borrow a bodyguard from Captain Falchion, but he says he has no men to spare,” said Raven. She gave Luna a begging, pleading glance, but the Moon Goddess gave no response. Her expression was like stone, cold and smooth and utterly unwavering.

“By Our count, Captain, you have plenty of men to spare. You, Griffon, you will protect the Royal Adviser on her business,” ordered Luna. “That is all. Ms. Inkwell, with me.”

Raven went to follow, stopping when she realized that Garrus hadn’t moved. She cleared her throat to get Luna’s attention, who, without turning around, grabbed Garrus by the beak with her magic and dragged him out of the barracks with them. Luna ushered the two in front of her and shut the barrack doors with a flourish of magic.

“Thanks for the assist,” said Raven. “Falchion is always giving me a hard time.”

“Yeah, from what I can tell, the stick in his ass has a stick in its ass,” agreed Luna. “His great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather was a guard, too. He never let me out of the castle when I was supposed to be studying.” She let out a frustrated puff of air. “Asshole. Anyway, what are you losers up to? Playing hooky?”

“Uh… Sort of. Gary ate some—”

“Whatever, meet me at the bar, I need to put my Moon Shine on,” said Luna dismissively. “First round of shots are on me.”

“Okay, a few things. First of all, it’s eight in the morning,” said Raven.

“Five o’clock somewhere, am I right or am I right?”

“Second, aren’t you even a little interested as to why Garrus is currently silent, staring blankly, and foaming at the beak?”

“Frankly? No. This is how I met him,” said Luna with a shrug. “I thought that was just a thing he did sometimes. Is something wrong with him?”

“Apparently, he ate about a pound of catnip and is about to start tripping,” said Raven. “I need to get him to my place and wait out the high.”

“I see. What’s your address?”

“3609 Quiller Street. Apartment 34B. Can you help me out?”

Luna rolled her eyes, but lit up her horn with cerulean light nonetheless. The wrapped her magical aura around Raven and Garrus, focusing intently on the apartment that Raven had described.

“I take it Celestia knows nothing of this?” asked Luna. Raven shook her head firmly. “Alright, your secret is safe with me. Just don’t make a habit of this, okay?”

“Thanks, Luna.”

“Shut up and get him sober. See you at the bar,” said Luna. The light collapsed in on the two, causing them to vanish with a pop. Raven clutched her head, the sudden teleport a bit disorienting. She shook herself steady, then crossed her living room to the kitchen.

Raven’s apartment was the polar opposite of Garrus’. Her home was a bit on the large side, pristine to an almost sterile degree, and totally tidy. There wasn’t a single thing out of place in the entire apartment. While it was surely an efficient way to live, it lacked the homesy, lived-in feel that Garrus’ apartment had in spades. Raven didn’t have much time in life to care about such things, though. She had much more important things on her mind.

Currently, the main thing on her busy, busy mind was getting to her liquor cabinet and fixing herself a whiskey on the rocks.

“Make yourself at home, Gary,” sighed Raven. “You take your whiskey neat, right?” She looked up from her glass to find herself talking to nopony. Garrus was nowhere to be found. “Gary? Garrus! Where did you—”

Raven stopped because she had found her lost friend. Unfortunately, she the first bit of him that she found was his tongue, which, for reasons best known by the Goddess and Garrus himself, he had decided to run up the side of Raven’s face.

“Marshmallow,” said Garrus simply. He licked her again, which snapped her out of her stupor.

Raven gripped her glass tightly, her eye twitching dangerously.

“Garrus, I understand that you’re not in your right mind,” said Raven, trying to keep her temper in check. “So I’m going to factor that into my response. That said, if you lick me again, I swear to the Goddess above, I will—”

Raven shuddered as she felt Garrus’ tongue slide up her cheek a third time.

“Marshmallow,” he said again.

The glass in Raven’s hoof shattered, sending glass and liquor in all directions.

“Kill you,” Raven finished. Her hoof trembled, and she looked down to see five large shards of glass protruding from her hoof, with blood gushing from the wounds. “Hm. Well. Shit.”

“I am so, so, so sorry,” groaned Garrus, clutching his head. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I’m sorry I made you stick your neck out for me and I’m sorry I licked—”

“Garrus. This phrase gets thrown around a lot, but nopony has ever meant it more than I do right in this moment,” said Raven, grabbing her flagon with her bandaged hoof. “Don’t mention it. Ever. To anypony.”

“So, what did she taste like?” asked Luna with a smirk. “You know, for research purposes.” Garrus turned to Raven, who was currently seething at the day’s events.

“Am I allowed to answer that?”

“Depends on your answer,” said Raven.

“Like rage and whiskey?”

“Good kitty.” Raven sighed, letting her head fall onto the bar table. Playing hooky and running off to hang out with Garrus when she should’ve been working sounded like a good time, on paper. In practice, however, it was far more stressful than a day at the castle.

“Why’d you freak out so badly, anyway?” asked Garrus. “I mean, yeah, it’s gross, but…”

“I don’t like being touched,” she said plainly. “I didn’t let my first coltfriend hold my hoof until six months into the relationship.”

“You held onto a colt for six months?” snorted Luna dubiously.

“You know what, Moon Shine? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Fine, then. Just pout.”

“As much as I’d like to sit here and relive the absolute shit-show that was today, I need to get going,” sighed Raven. She stood up and tossed a few bits onto the table. “I’ve got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.”

“The fundraiser, right?” said Garrus. Raven nodded. “Well, good luck. I’ll see if I can’t weasel my way into working the event, so you’ve got some backup if you need it.”

“I appreciate it. Well, Moon, Gary, take it easy.” Raven yawned tiredly, then headed for the bar’s exit. It was getting late, and she’d need to be up even earlier than usual come morning.

Canterlot fundraisers were rarely simple affairs, and Raven had no reason to believe that this one would be any different.

The Fundraiser

Raven had a very methodical mind, and so she took some sort of enjoyment out of tasks that others would deem dull or tedious. It was how she managed to survive in her job. She excelled at the boring, repetitive tasks of scheduling meetings and filing documents. That was why part of her looked forward to the weeks leading up to a fundraiser or cotillion. It gave her hooves something to do. There was nothing but her and her tasks, for the most part. No surprises, no twists, nothing to throw her off.

The actual day of the fundraiser, however, was a different story entirely.

From the very first task, things seemed set to go downhill. When Raven was sent to the Canterlot Boutique to retrieve Princess Twilight’s dress, she was very peeved to discover that the dress was accidentally sent to the wrong boutique from Manehattan. This forced her to take the train to and from Ponyville in order to retrieve it, and put her noticeably behind schedule.

From there, she had to meet with catering, which meant talking to a pony that annoyed Raven on a fundamental level. Though this was her third encounter with Pinkie Pie, she was still not prepared for the strangeness of the pink baker. Somehow, despite being left alone for only a few minutes, she had managed to bake fifty cupcakes, twelve pies, and a batch of cookies. She then proceeded to eat most of the confections, claiming this to be part of her process. A warm-up, she said.

With the disturbing image of a mare scarfing down about a million empty calories worth of sweets, Raven had to meet with the princess herself. This was the most difficult part of her day. Just as she expected, Celestia was displeased with the speech Raven prepared, claiming it to be dull and “on the nose”. Raven explained, again and again, the importance of staying on-message, especially after the whole fiasco with Preston Pass. Of course, Celestia chose to remember that situation as an opportunity rather than the hurdle to her administration that it actually was.

Raven hadn’t forgotten about her reporter friend, of course. Ever since his story went out, she’d been thinking about how she would get back at him. Raven wanted to bring him down, damage his credibility. The less ponies who believed his lies and half-truths in the future, the better. Unfortunately, she didn’t have an abundance of time to think about him. Not with Celestia begging to ab-lib.

“Raven, I understand your concerns,” said Celestia, pacing the throne room. “But I urge you, please just trust me. I don’t get many opportunities to speak freely, and what better time than at a party to cut loose?”

“Princess… It’s just too risky. After that picture scandal…” Raven shook her head firmly. “We dodged a bullet with the swimsuit photoshoot, but we might not get so lucky this time. Now is not the time to cut loose. Now is the time for caution.”

“But it wasn’t luck, Raven. It was your brilliant organizational skills and public relations work that got us through that little debacle.” Celestia flashed Raven a smile, her pearly whites shining. “And I’m confident that, in the unlikely event that something were to go wrong, you would get us through it, just as you have before.”

While that flattery may have worked on less jaded ponies, Raven wasn’t buying it. Where others may have seen an employer’s confidence in their employee’s abilities, Raven saw reckless abandon. She wasn’t sure if Celestia was taking this seriously, and that was starting to annoy her.

“Princess, it is my opinion that we should err on the side of caution. We’re in a very precarious situation,” said Raven. “We can’t possibly let anything go off-model. The press has us on the ropes, and what we need to do is sit back and let things die down.”

“Hm… How about a compromise?” Celestia grinned, which instantly made Raven feel uncomfortable. “How about you come to the fundraiser with me, stand by side, and you supervise me? I tell my speech the way I want and, if I start to get off-message, you just give me a little nudge. It’s a perfect solution!”

Raven rubbed her chin thoughtfully. That was actually a really good idea, despite how little Raven wanted to admit it. She typically lurked around the outskirts of these sorts of fundraisers, only popping in when needed. She never really felt the need or desire sit through the whole thing, but, if Celestia was really insistent on the matter…

“Well… I suppose that would work,” said Raven. “If that's what you want, we can do that.”

Celestia grinned, setting her pre-written notes to the side.

“Let's get you in a dress.”

Raven grabbed her third glass of champagne, trying her best not to glare at anypony. There was a reason she normally avoided these sorts of events. She hated the atmosphere of nobility and snobbery that these parties always had. Yet she was stuck there, single-hoofedly keeping the kingdom of Equestria safe from Celestia’s babbling nonsense. If she was going to be forced to endure this awful event, she would at the very least be taking full advantage of the bar, which she did now.

“Well, well, well. Isn't this a coincidence?” Raven froze at the voice, trying her hardest not to scowl. Instead, she grabbed a glass of champagne and turned to face her nemesis. Preston Pass strolled up to her with a very smug, superior grin plastered across his muzzle. Raven didn’t let on just how much she despised the stallion before her. She put on her “work face”, pretending that Preston was just some unpleasant noble that she had business with. In a way, he was.

“Preston Pass. I didn’t think I'd see you here,” said Raven. She offered him the glass. “Can I offer you a drink?”

“They have you playing bartender now?” said Preston, accepting the glass. “Is that a step up or down?”

“It’s a step closer to the drinks, and that is all I’m concerned with for the time being.” Preston gave a laugh that matched Raven’s in artificiality. They were both players of this game, and Raven’s attempt at humor didn’t fool Preston for a second.

“I hear that.” Preston accepted the champagne, clinking glasses with Raven. “Hm… Brilliant photoshoot, by the way. I mean, what better way to show Equestria that Celestia isn’t a slut than to have her posing in skimpy bikinis?” Preston took a sip of his drink. “I might have to write a follow-up story on how she managed to coerce the other three princesses into participating. What do you think it is? Blackmail? Bribery?”

“I didn’t think a stallion of your stature would read those sorts of magazines, to be honest,” remarked Raven. “Personally, I thought the shoot was wonderful. Princess Celestia doesn’t often get to show her fun, adventurous side. So thank you for that opportunity. As for the other princesses, I can’t say I know anything about blackmail or bribery. I think you’ll find that this administration is above such under-hooved tactics.”

“Maybe. In any case, I think Equestria could do with more of my investigative journalism,” said Preston with a shrug. “Hm… Hey, where’s that boyfriend of yours? The griffon.”

“Oh, he’s around. His name is Garrus, though I have a feeling that you knew that.” Raven couldn’t help but let her tone go a bit flatter. Preston was incredibly good at getting under her skin, though she tried not to let that deter her. “You sound like you have some… resentment, towards my friend. Is it because you don’t like authority or because you don’t like griffons?”

“I’m not a racist, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“And Celestia isn’t a whore, but that doesn’t stop ponies from saying it.”

“Fair enough. I’m glad I ran into you, Inkwell, because I wanted to give you some advice,” said Preston. “Give up. Move on from… This. I’ve got no issue with you, Inkwell, and we both know that you have your hooves full enough as is. Don’t give yourself another problem to deal with.”

“Hm?”

“Look, Slutlestia is old news. The general public has moved on, they want a new scandal. I have no reason to keep churning out stories about what your boss gets to between the sheets. It’s not worth my time. Just like it’s not worth your time to try and screw with me. So why don’t we just put this in the past, call it fair play, and go along with our lives?”

Raven sipped her champagne carefully, measuring Preston. He seemed genuine in his offer and, to make matters worse, he was making a lot of sense. Besides a twisted sense of self-satisfaction, Raven gained nothing by pursuing Preston. She could let him go.

Then, she caught sight of Preston’s shit-eating grin, and her decision was made for her.

“Fair play…” Raven sighed. “Is anything in life really fair?”

The clinking of a glass stole Raven’s attention. Near the back of the banquet hall was none other than Princess Celestia, tapping her glass to attract the attention of the party-goers. Raven nodded to Preston before crossing the room and standing by her princess’ side. By the time she made it there, a small crowd had amassed around Celestia.

Raven had to take a moment to admire Celestia, despite how annoyed she knew she inevitably would be with her. She was stunning, as usual, her form made all the more gorgeous by the elegant dress that Rarity had designed. Celestia smiled as she always did, with confidence and grace and an obnoxious amount of uncaring for how the words about to come out of her mouth would impact Raven.

“Ready?” said Celesita. Raven nodded, ready to get this over with.

“I am, your majesty,” said Raven. Celestia cleared her throat, silencing the entire ballroom. You could hear a pin drop as the partygoers stopped, waiting to hear what their princess had to say.

“I thank you all for taking this night to give back to your kingdom. Thanks to your extremely generous donations, I have been able to greenlight several new projects, both for the city of Canterlot and the entire kingdom of Equestria. I’m sure you will all be pleased by these additions to our great land.” Celestia gave a little wink to the crowd. “And I’m sure you will all let me know if you’re not.”

The guests gave Celestia a little chuckle, the joke not lost on them. Raven frowned at Celestia’s poor attempt at humor, though. Sure, it was funny now, but in a few weeks, when the nobles actually weren’t pleased and decided to bombard the castle with angry letters, it wouldn’t be Celestia who had to sift through them all.

“While I don’t want to give away all of the surprises, there is one project that I am simply too excited to keep secret any longer,” continued Celestia. “Over the course of the next six months, we will be rolling out a debt forgiveness program. Under this program, we will be forgiving the debts of countless lower and middle-class ponies, starting in Canterlot and hopefully extending to Equestria as a whole.”

The entire room was shocked, Raven included. This was the first she ever heard of any sort of debt forgiveness, and she was, understandably, peeved by the sudden announcement. She just knew that the blowback would be terrible. Bankers would be furious, the finances would be an absolute nightmare, and that’s not even factoring in the logistics of handling such a large amount of ponies at once. Raven was not looking forward to the rest of the year.

“And what this means is simple. Qualifying ponies will have their debts completely forgiven and forgotten. These can be student loans, mortgages, any debt that would plague and otherwise dampen their lives. This also means tax breaks for you, as a thank you for donating tonight. Some of you might be asking why I decided to establish such a program. This, too, has a simple enough answer. I believe in second chances. I believe that, sometimes, bad things happen to good ponies, and they don’t deserve to be punished for it. They deserve to be forgiven. We all have had need for a bit of forgiveness before, I’m sure. Perhaps you forgot an engagement, or you made a misstep for your company. Perhaps you even lied to your employer about a family emergency to get the day off.”

Raven was just about to nudge Celestia, to bring her back on course, when she heard that.

Shit…

“Bah, but I’m rambling. My point is, I think we need to be a bit kinder to each other. Forgive each other more. I think it will make us all the stronger for it. So, I thank you for giving me the capacity to make our kingdom stronger,” said Celestia, raising her champagne glass in toast. “I promise, your money will be well-spent, for the betterment of Equestria!”

She bowed slightly, at which point the crowd of guests began applauding. They toasted their princess before bowing away and returning to the party. Celestia herself retreated slightly, sending her drink (noticeably untouched) away with a flash of magic. Raven watched her go, contemplating her next move. She could leave now. Her job was finished, and Garrus must’ve been getting off-shift soon. If she wanted, she could turn tail and head to Ne’er-Do-Wells.

Instead, she crossed the room, stopping before Celestia. The princess smiled at her, waiting with a look that Raven couldn’t recall ever seeing on her before. Celestia was studying her, trying to figure out what to make of her. She looked as if she was planning her next move in a game of chess.

“Hello, your majesty,” said Raven.

“Hello, Raven. Good to see you, as always,” said Celestia. “Can I get you a drink? I’ve been told that the champagne is—”

“How did you know?”

It was quiet for a moment. It occured to Raven that she had just cut off the Princess of the Sun. Then, she realized that she was probably out of a job anyway. What use would her niceties be to her now?

“When you get to be as old as me, you tend to pick up on deception rather easily,” said Celestia. “It was something in my gut, so to speak.”

“So. What now?”

“Hm?”

“I’m assuming I need to start looking for other work?” said Raven with a sigh. “God, my mom is going to be insufferable when she hears.”

“What? No! Raven, don’t be ridiculous! I’m not going to fire you!” Celestia chuckled. “By the Goddess, what would I do without you?”

“But… I lied to you. You have to fire me. Or put me on probation. Something.”

“I know it wasn’t what you prepared for me, but did you listen to any of my speech just now?” said Celestia. “This entire thing is about forgiveness, Ms. Inkwell. Just as we’ll be forgiving student loans, I will forgive your little lie.”

Raven looked up at Celestia, absolutely baffled. Why would she do that? They both knew that Raven was in the wrong, and Celestia would be entirely justified in firing her. Yet, for some reason, Celestia said she would forgive her.

“Why?” asked Raven.

“Because you’re good at what you do. Because I like you, and I know that you’re not a bad pony.” Celestia sighed, almost tiredly. “Because you’re not a liar, and I know that you must have had a very good reason to lie to me as you did. Pick one.”

“I… I thank you for your kindness, your grace.” Raven bowed to Celestia, not daring to look the goddess in the eye. “I thank you for your mercy, even if I don’t deserve it.”

“It’s not about whether you deserve it or not. It’s about letting past mistakes stay in the past, and learning from them. Everypony deserves a bit of forgiveness. Be they friend… Or foe.” Celestia tilted her head slightly, directing Raven’s attention to the corner of the room. Her eyes immediately fell on the foe in question. Preston stared right back, smiling that smile of his. It annoyed Raven to no end. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to run his name into the dirt.

And that was when everything clicked into place for Raven.

“Thank you, your majesty,” said Raven. “I assure you, this will never happen again.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Raven. Now, what are you going to do now?”

“If it’s all the same to you…” Raven turned for the door. “I have some business to attend to.”

“So that’s it, huh?” asked Garrus. “We’re just gonna let him go?”

“That's about the size of it, yeah,” sighed Raven, sipping her beer slowly. Since she was already several glasses of champagne deep, she decided to take it easy tonight. “There's no reason to really do this.It’ll be easier for everyone if we just live and let live.”

“That’s… Unlike you,” noted Garrus. He peered cautiously at Raven. “He’s… He’s not blackmailing you, is he?”

“No. I just really think that we have nothing to gain. We should look to the future. If we don’t mess with him…”

“He’ll have no reason to mess with us. Makes sense.” Garrus dropped his empty flagon onto the table, tapping his claw idly. He was impressed with Raven’s approach to the situation. Garrus knew his friend to be a very bitter, vindictive pony, and to let bygones be bygones like this was incredibly out of character for her. That talk with Celestia really did a number on her. “And if he doesn’t play nice?”

Raven snickered, finishing off what she promised would be her last beer of the night.

“Then, we burn that son of a bitch to the ground.”

“Fair enough.” The bar doors swung open, and in trotted Princess Luna. She seemed tired, and stopped at the bar to pick up a tray of shots before making her way to the table where Raven and Garrus were sitting.

“Yo. What’s going on?” Luna immediately knocked back a shot, offering the liquor to her friends.

“Where the hell have you been?” asked Raven. She watched with a slight, petty envy as Garrus helped himself to one of the shot glasses. “We’ve been here for like an hour.”

“I was at work, Inkwell. Shocking though it may be to learn this, I actually do my job sometimes,” remarked Luna. “And, considering I just did you a favor, I could do without that tone.”

“Favor?”

“Yeah, I was thinking about how you two idiots still didn’t get your revenge on that dickhead reporter dude, so I did it for you.” Luna downed two more shots, apparently unphased by the large amount of alcohol she was consuming. “So, I went into his wife’s dreams and told her about his affair. Then, I went to his mistress and told her about the wife. Turns out, she didn’t know that she was the side piece, so she’s pissed. Both of them are coming for blood, it’s kinda funny.” Luna let out a little chuckle at Preston’s impending demise. “Hell hath no fury like a mare scorned, am I right?” Luna only just then seemed to notice Raven and Garrus’ aghast expressions. “What? This is what you wanted, right? To ruin his life like he almost ruined Celestia’s?”

“Moon Shine… We literally just agreed that we weren’t gonna do that!” groaned Raven. “Me and Gary decided it wasn’t worth the effort, so we were just gonna let him go!”

“Oh. Huh. Oh well, I guess. Asshole is gonna get what he deserves.”

“Goddess above, Luna, you’ve ruined this guy forever.”

“And we didn’t have to raise a claw,” noted Garrus. “So thanks. I didn’t want this guy to get off scot-free anyway.”

“Well, there ya go, Inkwell.” Luna smirked, beyond amused with the situation. “Karma is a bitch, isn’t it?”

Raven sighed tiredly. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. She was supposed to forgive her enemy, just like Celestia had said. Now, Preston was going to be ruined anyway. Then, strangely, she smirked. Technically, she did forgive Preston. She had no control over what Luna did in her spare time. And, if that just so happened to screw over Preston… Well, that was beyond Raven’s control.

“Well, all’s well that ends well, I guess,” said Raven, grabbing a shot from the tray. “Heh. As far as fundraisers go… This one wasn’t half bad.”

Harpy Inkwell

Raven trotted forward through the castle’s doors, making her way for the throne room. Strangely enough, she moved not with dread for the coming day. In fact, Raven was quite looking forward to the day. Today was actually one of her rare days off, and she merely needed to visit the throne room for some passing business. Then, she could spend her day doing whatever she wished. That meant rest, relaxation, and no royal shenanigans. She could catch up on her reading, or go see a play, or anything at all. This was an unprecedented amount of personal freedom.

“Hey, Rave!”

Raven stopped in her tracks, smirking as her friend approached. Garrus made his way from the east, which said to Raven that he was coming from the barracks. That meant he was getting off of work, which meant Raven would likely be enjoying some company on her day off.

“Hey, Gary. Clocking out?” said Raven, nudging Garrus’ shoulder.

“Yep. What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you had off today.”

“I do. Just gotta drop something off to the throne room. Walk with me.” Garrus nodded, then joined Raven on her stroll. “You busy today?”

“Actually, I’m glad you asked! I just so happened to get my tax refund!” said Garrus, grinning happily. “That means, for the first time in forever, I’m not broke! So, to try to pay you back for all the drinks, I’m taking you out for brunch.” Raven opened her mouth to argue, but Garrus quickly shot her down. “No, no, no, I’m not asking you. It’s the least I can do. We’ll go out, grab something to eat, maybe go see a show. I haven’t really had a chance to explore Canterlot with spending cash. I figured we could make a day out of it.”

“I’m not letting you pay for brunch, Garrus,” said Raven. “We’re splitting the bill.”

“No way! I owe you so much for Ne’er-Do-Wells, I’m buying you brunch,” said Garrus adamantly. “I’m not compromising on that. Deal with it.”

“Ugh. Fine. But I’m paying for dinner.”

Garrus didn’t debate that, which was good enough for Raven. The two approached the throne room, the tall doors closed. Raven was just about to knock on the door when she heard a laugh that chilled her blood in her veins. She recognized that voice, that laugh, and it filled Raven’s body with dread. She couldn’t possibly be here, but that voice was unmistakable.

“Goddess above, please let me be wrong,” said Raven. “Please let this be somepony else…”

Raven let out a sigh and slowly pushed open the throne room doors. She stepped inside, her brain barely processing that Celestia was even there. Raven was more focused on the unicorn that Celestia was speaking to. Her coat was white, not unlike Raven’s, and her mane was done up in a short, greying bun. Her eyes were dark maroon, and they had a sharp, almost predatory gaze to them. She was an older mare, evident from the few wrinkles around her eyes, but she was clearly still sharp in the mind. She stopped her conversation with the princess as soon as she heard the throne room door’s open, and she immediately smirked when she saw who entered. Raven, however, showed no signs of her earlier grin.

“Raven, hello!” said Celestia, waving her over. “And I believe this is Mr. Oak of the Solar Guard? I wasn’t aware that you two were familiar with one another.”

“Ms. Inkwell has been helping me adjust to Equestrian life, your majesty,” said Garrus, bowing to the princess. He glanced nervously at Raven, who was caught in a stare-down with the mystery mare.

“Hello, Raven,” chuckled the mare. “You’re late, hon. Consider that five points off.”

“I’m not late. Today’s my day off,” said Raven, wincing slightly at the mention of points. “What exactly are you doing here?”

“It’s been how long and that’s how you greet me? That’s five more points.” The mare narrowed her eyes at Raven. “Make it ten for being rude in the presence of the princess.” The mare then turned her attention to Garrus, smiling at him. “Hello, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“I don’t believe so, ma’am,” said Garrus. He stood upright and saluted. “Garrus Oak of the Solar Guard. Pleasure to meet you, Mrs…?”

“Actually, it’s Miss.”

“Don’t,” sighed Raven, burying her face in her hooves. “Mother, what are you doing here?”

“Mother?” Garrus looked the two mares over, slowly noting the resemblance. The more she smirked, the more Garrus could see the similarities. Raven was, clearly, not happy to be sharing a room with her mother, but Garrus wasn’t sure why. She had never really mentioned her family before, so Garrus assumed that her relationship with her mother was pretty standard.

The thick, heavy tension in the room said otherwise.

“Mom, not that it’s not nice to see you,” said Raven, though her gritted teeth seemed to indicate that she was lying. “But you’ll have to forgive my surprise. Last I heard from you, you were heading off to Saddle Arabia.”

“Yes, beautiful country. It was wonderful,” said Raven’s mother. “But, alas, I can’t imagine living there for too long.”

“Is it the heat?” asked Garrus. “I did a short tour in Marecca before I came here, and I was practically sweating out my feathers.”

“The heat was a problem, but my larger concern was my inability to find a stiff drink.”

“Mom!” Raven raised her voice slightly, trying to refocus the situation. “Why are you here?”

“You better watch your tone, missy. Is this how you serve the princess?” scoffed Raven’s mother. “Princess, I’m so sorry you have to deal with my daughter and her sass. I would have thought she’d grown out of it by now.”

“Oh, come now, Harpy. You know Raven is an excellent aid,” said Celestia, giggling at the familial dispute occuring before her. “You taught her well.”

“With all due respect, your excellency, I’m not certain I taught her well enough. Seems she still needs a few more lessons.”

“And I’d love for you to teach me, Mother, but I’m a bit busy. I came here to drop off some documents for the princess, and then I’ve got plans,” said Raven. She reached into her saddlebag and emerged with a stack of papers, which she carried to Celestia and passed it to her sunny yellow aura.

“Ah, so you already wrote up legislature for the debt forgiveness program,” said Celestia, carefully looking over the documents. “It looks very good, Ms. Inkwell. I’ll send this over to the DA’s office at once. You’ve done excellent work on this.”

“Thank you, your highness.” Raven bowed deeply before rising and turning for the door. “It was nice seeing you today, Princess, but I’m afraid I have to go now. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning.”

“Of course. Go enjoy your day off, Ms. Inkwell. Heaven knows you’ve earned it,” said Celestia with a smile.

“Thank you, your grace. Mom, I guess I’ll see you around? If you wanted to see me, you should’ve written a letter,” said Raven. “I would’ve been happy to set aside time for you.”

“Actually, I came to see the princess. Catch up on old times, you know?” said Harpy, narrowing her eyes menacingly at her daughter. “Now, remind me, what holiday is today?”

“Erm… It isn’t one?”

“See, I didn’t think so, but that’s the only explanation as to why you’re not working today.” Harpy began pacing before the throne, much like an irate school teacher lecturing her class. “What if the princess needs your help, Raven? What if she receives and influx of mail today and, due to her preoccupation with that, she cannot give more pressing matters the attention they require.”

“But, Mom—”

“And for what? Hm? What’s so important that you feel the need to leave your princess’ side?”

“Garrus is taking me out to brunch,” said Raven through gritted teeth. As soon as she did, she wished she hadn’t. Harpy’s entire demeanor shifted, changing from that of an angry, intimidating wildcat to a sly silver fox.

“Oh, you made a date and didn’t even think to invite your mother?” said Harpy, though her frown was quickly becoming a smirk. “That sounds like another twenty points, to me.”

“F-first of all, it’s not a date.” Raven realized that her blush and stammer did nothing at all to help her case. “Second of all, I didn’t invite you because Garrus is being kind enough to treat me, and I thought it would be incredibly rude to just invite a plus-one.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay,” said Garrus. “I’d love to get to know you and your mother. Would you like to join us, Ms. Inkwell?”

“Gary!”

“Why, actually, I would,” said Harpy. “Where exactly did you have in mind?”

“Raven? Suggestions?” said Garrus. Raven let out a tired, dejected sigh, bowing her head in defeat. It seemed like she would be doing this, whether she liked it or not.

“I know a place,” said Raven. “Let’s head downtown.”

“Really, Raven?” said Harpy, raising her eyebrow at her daughter. “Alcohol? This early?”

“Mother, this is a bloody mary,” sighed Raven, raising her glass to her lips and wishing she had asked the waiter for something stronger. “Which is perfectly acceptable for brunch. You, on the other hoof, are drinking neat whiskey.”

“That’s besides the point. Do as I say, not as I do.” Harpy drained her liquor in a display that put even her daughter to shame. “If you saw me jumping off a cliff, would you follow in my hoofsteps?”

“I’m not that lucky,” mumbled Raven.

Raven had selected her favorite bistro in downtown Canterlot, at her favorite outdoor table, hoping the food, drink, and atmosphere would distract her from having to spend her day off with her mother. So far, she was mistaken in thinking that. She wasn’t sure if there was anywhere in Canterlot with enough booze to distract her from Harpy’s presence.

“So, you used to be Royal Adviser, right?” said Garrus. Raven wasn’t sure how Gary expected to get through this ordeal on just water, but he commended him for his spirit. “Before Raven took over?”

“That is correct. The Inkwells come from a long, long line of Advisors to the Princess,” said Harpy, glowing with pride. “Going way back to my great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather, Snowy Inkwell.”

“Mom, I assure you, Garrus doesn’t want to hear this story,” sighed Raven. “You always tell it. Practically every time I see you.”

“It’s a very important story, Raven!”

“I’d love to hear it,” chimed Garrus, earning a glare from his friend. “Raven doesn’t talk much about how she got the job, and I’ve always been curious.”

“Long, long ago, when Princess Celestia was but a filly, she would travel with her father to explore all of Equestria,” said Harpy, essentially ignoring her daughter’s request. She drained her drink and waved down a waiter, pointing to her empty cup with begging in her eyes. “One day, while exploring a little forest in southeast Equestria. Through this forest ran a river, a river that was rumored to have powerful inherent magical qualities. It was said that anyone who drank from this river would have good fortune for twenty years.”

“Fifteen,” said Raven, rolling her eyes. “It’s always been fifteen.”

“Don’t interrupt me, Raven. Ten points for rudeness.” Harpy never took her eyes off of Garrus, even as she stopped her story to berate her daughter (an act that visibly annoyed Raven). “In any case, Princess Celestia ventured into these woods in search of this river. She hoped to drink from its waters and ensure that her reign as Lady of the Sun would be a long and prosperous one.”

“Historically, nopony called her ‘Lady of the Sun’ until a few decades after this supposedly took place.”

“Little did Princess Celestia know, the river was protected by powerful, evil spirits,” continued Harpy. This time, she ignored Raven outright, grinning at Garrus. She had successfully captured the griffon’s attention, and he hung onto every single word. “She ventured into the forest, unaware of the danger that awaited her.

“Princess Celestia was soon swarmed by these evil spirits, though they were no match for her quick-thinking and powerful magic. She continued on, until day became night and day once more, until she came across an earth pony stallion, an adventurer, battling a horde of spirits with just a blade. He fought valiantly, but the numbers were too great. Just when he thought the end was upon him, a wave of bright yellow magic blasted the spirits to nothing.The stallion, grateful for the princess’ aide, asked how he could possibly repay her. Princess Celestia agreed that the stallion would be her personal assistant. That stallion was Snowy Inkwell, and he vowed that the Inkwells would advise and assist the Princess until the end of days.”

Garrus was, clearly, amazed by the story. He was beyond impressed by the devotion of the Inkwells to Celestia. That sort of dedication that even some of the Royal Guard lacked. Raven, however, was clearly less dazzled by the tale.

“For the record,” said Raven tiredly. “There is absolutely no historical evidence to suggest that this ever happened.”

“Raven, fifty points off,” said Harpy, finally acknowledging her daughter with a frown. “Don’t disrespect this story. It’s the foundation of our family name and, in many ways, all of Equestria itself!”

“But it didn’t happen. I’ve asked Celestia about it and she has no recollection of this ever happening!” Raven wasn’t entirely sure why she was arguing with Harpy. Past experiences showed that it almost never went well for her, but she just couldn’t help herself. “It’s made up. What’s far more likely is that Snowy was the son of some sort of priest or librarian and was chosen by King Solus to assist in the royal duties of the castle.”

“So you’re calling generations of Inkwells all liars?”

“I’m saying that this story has been passed down orally for something like a thousand years! There’s no way in hell that the story we know now is what really happened!”

“Thirty points for your foul language,” said Harpy dryly. “Respect your family name, Raven. Just because you fail to live up to your potential doesn’t mean the rest of the Inkwell lineage should be dragged down with you.”

“You know what?” Raven snarled, then, suddenly, her expression went flat. She nodded slowly, then stood up from the table. She turned to face her mother, giving a stiff, forced smile. “You’re absolutely right. I don’t know what got into me. Apologies, mother.” Raven removed her glasses for a moment, wiping them clean with her handkerchief. “I’m going to go check on our food.”

“You want me to come with you?” asked Garrus. Raven shook her head.

“I’m more than capable. You two stay and get to know each other.”

And, with that, Raven departed from the table, trotting into the restaurant proper. All the while, she was lamenting the brunch. Just as she expected, Harpy was the same as she’d always been. The nagging, the overbearing nature, the points. It was almost too much to bear.

“Hey, you,” said Raven, beckoning to a roaming waiter. “I have a table outside and we’re waiting for our food.”

“I’m so sorry, ma’am, we’re a bit busier than—”

“It’s fine, I don’t care. But I have special instructions for you. When our meals are ready, bring me a straight black coffee with it. I want you to spike that coffee with the strongest whiskey you have. Make it very strong, and do not mention the booze.”

“Um… Okay?” The waiter was confused. “How come—?”

“I’m having brunch with my mother.”

“Say no more, ma’am. I’ll be right out.”

Raven slipped the stallion a handful of bits for his discretion, then sauntered back to her table. She paused as she approached, rolling her eyes at what she saw. Harpy was still talking and, judging by the way she flourished her hoof as she spoke, she was spinning more yarn about the Inkwell family. Raven took a deep, calming breath before setting forth and rejoining the table.

“They said it’ll be right out,” said Raven.

“Your mother was just telling me that you used to be into drama,” said Garrus. Raven’s eyes shrank, abject horror evident on her face. “I didn’t know you had a theatre background.”

“I… I was interested in the performing arts as a filly, yes,” said Raven carefully. “Was more of a writer, truthfully, but I did try my hoof at acting. Never really stuck, though.”

“Do you remember that Bridleway contest?” asked Harpy. Raven’s face went a bit red, and she refused to make eye contact with anypony.

“Bridleway contest?” Garrus was entirely oblivious to just how little Raven seemed to want to talk about it.

“W-when I was eleven, there was a contest for young, aspiring theatre students,” said Raven. She swore internally for her stammer, but kept right along. “We had to write a short script and perform it for some big theatre critics. The winner got to perform their play as an opener for Les Mismarérables.”

“Wow. Sounds like a big deal,” said Garrus. “That could jumpstart somepony’s career.”

“Yep. It was supposed to strap a rocket to me and shoot me to the moon.”

“Supposed to?”

“She got lazy and never finished her script,” chimed in Harpy. Raven went bright red in the face by this point, having to fight to avoid scowling.

“I d-did not get lazy.” Every word was slow and measured, as if a few short seconds from a meltdown. “I don’t know why you keep telling people that. I did not get lazy.”

“You did. You had half of it done by the deadline, then said you don’t feel like finishing it.” Harpy rolled her eyes at the thought, which visibly annoyed Raven. “It’s your own fault. Besides, it’s for the best. You don’t belong on Bridleway. You belong next to the throne, serving the princess!”

Raven felt her eye twitch, but chose to say nothing.

“Well, that’s where I am now, so I guess so,” she said. “I guess so…”

“So, so sorry for the delay!” Raven jumped slightly, so engrossed in dealing with her mother that she didn’t notice the approaching waiter. He laid down their plates as he apologized, finally passing Raven her coffee.

“Thank you,” said Raven, taking a big sip. “You have no idea how much I needed this.”

“Have you not been sleeping, Raven? You really should be keeping a proper sleep schedule,” scolded Harpy. “How can you possibly do your job properly if you're downing coffee every ten minutes? Besides, it's incredibly unhealthy for you! No wonder you look so sickly! It’s a wonder you’ve got such a handsome boyfriend when you don’t even take care of yourself.”

“Actually, ma’am, me and Raven aren’t dating,” chuckled Garrus, feeling awkward for the first time. “Just friends.”

“Oh?” Harpy smirked, leaning in a bit closer and turning her predatory gaze up a notch. “Is that so, Mr. Garrus?”

Raven grabbed the waiter on the shoulder as he tried to exit the scene, looking at the stallion with pleading in her eyes.

“Please,” said Raven. “Keep them coming.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Another. Please,” said Raven to the barmaid, downing her third whiskey. “I want to drink until the memories of today leak out of my ears.”

“Oh, come on, Inkwell,” yawned Luna, putting away what must have been her fourth drink of the night. Contrary to the norm, Luna was the first of the trio to make it to Ne’er-Do-Wells that night, and she didn’t wait for her friends to arrive before she began drinking. Raven followed in her hoofsteps, immediately skipping over her usual and going straight for the hard liquor. “She can’t have been that bad.”

“She told the damn Inkwell origin story. She told the Bridleway story. She kept bringing up the point system…”

“Yeah, I was curious about that,” said Garrus. “What’s the deal with the points?” Raven let out a long, tired sigh before dropping her face to table.

“When I was a filly, she established this point system,” growled Raven. “I started the week off with 100 points. She could add or deduct points whenever I did or didn’t do my chores, or I talked back, or whatever. If I finished the week with 100 or more points, I got my allowance. Less than 100 and I had to pay her.”

“Wow, that sounds terrible!” chuckled Luna. “How often did you go under?”

“Every other goddamn week. She was relentless with those points. She once docked me fifty points because I didn’t close the milk jug all the way.”

“Well, you don’t get allowance from her anymore,” noted Garrus. “So what’re the points for now?”

“To annoy me, I’m sure,” sighed Raven. She happily accepted the whiskey from the barmaid, giving a small, appreciative smile. “Thank you. Well, at least we’re done with that. Won’t have to see her again for some time.”

“You plan on avoiding the Royal Archives for the foreseeable future?” asked Luna, lazily flipping her now empty cup with her magic. She seemed oblivious to Raven’s stunned silence for a bit, until she looked up and realized that Raven’s gaze was all but boring through her. “What?”

“What about the Archives?”

“You didn’t hear? Harpy asked for a job in the Royal Archives, to keep her hooves busy after retirement. Celestia obliged.”

“So… My mom… Is now my co-worker…?”

“That’s about the size of it, yeah.”

Raven pressed her lips together, biting the inside of her mouth to avoid screaming. She knocked back her whiskey, slamming the glass onto the table before waving her hoof wildly to catch the attention of the barmaid.

“Another! Please!”

The Royal Archives

“Ms. Inkwell? Raven, dear? Is something the matter?”

Raven shook her head firmly, freeing herself from her daze. She had been writing down what Celestia was saying for the past ten or so minutes, but she wasn’t really listening. Her mind was elsewhere, and the princess picked up on that. Their mid-morning meetings normally went exceedingly smoothly, and were often done by this point. Yet, for one reason or another, Raven had been behaving fairly sluggish this morning, often times taking a bit longer than she ordinarily would.

“Yes, princess. You’ll have to forgive me,” said Raven, massaging the bridge of her nose. “I haven’t been sleeping very well at all this past week or so.”

“I see. Is there something on your mind?” asked Celestia. “You’ve always been the worrisome sort, so it wouldn’t surprise me if you’re stressing yourself out more than you should.”

You know damn well what’s stressing me.

Raven fought to keep that thought in her head, instead working up a forced, tired-looking smile.

“It’s not that, your highness, but thank you.”

“Hm… You know who’s brilliant for this sort of thing?” Celestia didn’t bother waiting for Raven to answer. “Harpy. Your mother has a myriad of wonderful remedies for insomnia. Back when my nightmares were… Particularly troubling, she’s helped me get sleep when the Royal Alchemist’s greatest sleep potions failed me. You ought to ask her when you have a chance.”

“Eh… I’m familiar with my mother’s remedies, and they never seemed to work for me…” said Raven, trying not to think of the many cups of frankly horrid herbal tea she had been forced to drink over the course of her childhood. “Speaking of my mother… I found it a bit strange that she decided to return to work in the castle.”

“I was quite surprised myself. I was terribly afraid that I’d seen the last of Harpy Inkwell,” said Celestia. “Of all the ponies to ever advise me, she’s the one who’s held the tightest connection to me and the throne. Even still, at her age, I didn’t blame her one bit for retiring, especially considering what a worthy successor she left.”

“Right. Well, your highness, if I may ask… How come you didn’t tell me you intended to hire her?” asked Raven. She spoke carefully, not wanting it to seem as if she was interrogating the princess. “It was quite a shock when I found out she was working the Royal Archives.”

“That’s just it, dear; I never did intend to hire her. It just sort of happened. We were just finishing up her new contract when you and Mr. Oak invited her to brunch. I thought it would be more fitting for you to hear the good news from her. I can’t imagine why she never mentioned it to you. Perhaps she wanted to surprise you. You could never really tell with Harpy.” Celestia gave a good-natured chuckle, flooded with good memories of her old friend. “Ah, but, since you mentioned the Royal Archives, I actually have an errand for you.”

“Yes, of course.” It took all of Raven’s intestinal fortitude not to roll her eyes out of her skull upon that revelation. Of course she’d be going to the Archives. She wasn’t sure why she ever could’ve expected anything else. “What do you need, your majesty?”

“A few books and scrolls. Here, take this list.” Celestia summoned a scroll of parchment with her magic, which she slipped into Raven’s open, waiting saddlebags. “Give it to Harpy, she’ll get it right to you. There’s one particular one that is very important, it’s called Arcana Mysterium- The Complete Almanac of Magicks and Witchery. The First Edition is what I need, and be prepared for a wait. That one especially is very deep in the Archives, indeed.”

Not only would she be going to the Archives, but Raven would be stuck there for a considerable amount of time and forced to directly interact with her mother. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think that Celestia was setting her up for failure.

“Right away, your highness,” said Raven with a bow. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Celestia smiled as her aide departed the room, her smile falling into a small, tired frown as the doors shut behind Raven. She shook her head and sighed, using her magic to summon a thick, heavy, leather-bound book, the title Arcana Mysterium etched onto the cover. Celestia blew off the dust, cracking it open and giving it a read.

“Just what am I going to do with you two?” she sighed, flipping through the book’s ancient pages. “So damn stubborn, the both of you…”

“Ah, Raven! You finally decided to stop avoiding me.”

The Royal Archives were impossibly large, a twisting, winding labyrinth of shelves and countless ancient tomes. It was expressly forbidden for common ponies to enter without an escort, not for fear of theft or vandalism, but for fear that the poor sod would never be found again. Indeed, all workers of the library were taught a special warp spell that would bring the caster to the Archive’s front door, simple enough that the Archive’s anti-teleportation charms allowed it through. Additionally, Archive workers were given special crystals that they could break against the ground to call for help if they ever got lost in the countless aisles and rows of books and scrolls. The odds of two ponies bumping into each other while working were about one in a million.

The fact that Raven ran into her mother almost as soon as walking into the Royal Archives gave her the impression that Harpy was waiting for her.

“Hello, Mother,” said Raven tiredly. “I haven’t been avoiding you. Not intentionally, anyway. Just been busy with work. Speaking of…” Raven produced the list from her bag, passing it into the dark maroon glow of Harpy’s magic. “Princess Celestia needs these books as soon as possible.”

“Hm… Art of the Steal, Historical Figures Shaping Equestria and… Arcana Mysterium?” Harpy hummed thoughtfully, looking over the list. “And you’re certain that she wants Arcana Mysterium?”

“She wrote the list herself.”

“Sweet Goddess above, you’re making the princess write her own lists?” asked Harpy, absolutely aghast. “What do you even do here, Raven?”

“I do not let her write her own lists!” Raven knew that, if she did, they’d be so crazy and unintelligible that nothing would ever get done. “She had this ready before I even came in.”

“And when did you come in, hm? If your performance from when I returned is any indication, I think it’d be safe to assume that you were tardy?”

“5:30, actually. Before you came in, if I recall,” countered Raven. Harpy leered at her child for a moment before breaking into a small smirk.

“Fair enough. Take twenty points. Come on, most of these are near the front, but for Arcana Mysterium, we’re going to have to go in rather deep,” said Harpy. Raven nodded and walked alongside her mother, delving deeper and deeper into the Archives. “You wouldn’t happen to know why the princess is looking for Arcana Mysterium, would you?”

“No. Why do you ask?”

“It’s an odd read. Very old, and horribly outdated.” Harpy maneuvered through the shelves, the veritable maze disorienting to all but the most experienced of archivists. “If the princess needs enchantments or charms, there are books with better spells that are more easily found.”

“Maybe she’s feeling nostalgic?” suggested Raven. “She could just be in the mood for an old read.”

“Perhaps…” The two ventured deeper into the Archives in silence for a bit, until Harpy broke the silence. “So… About that friend of yours. Garrus, right?”

“Yes…” Raven was immediately on guard by her mother’s sudden line of questioning. “What about him?”

“And you’re certain you two aren’t an item?” asked Harpy, her tone with a false layer of innocence that would fool most other ponies. “Why is that? Is he taken?”

“Garrus’ love life is none of either of our business,” remarked Raven. “And that’s besides the point. I’m just not interested in Garrus, not in that way. We’re colleagues and friends, nothing more.”

“Interesting…”

“I wouldn’t say so.” Raven was, on the best days, a rather possessive pony. There weren’t many material things that Raven particularly cared about, and ponies were even lower on her list of priorities in most cases. But, when she did care for something, Raven tended to take extra care to keep those rare special things close to the chest. Harpy knew this, and she was prepared for Raven’s guarded response.

“Hm… I wonder if he’d be more interested in you if you took better care of yourself,” musd Harpy. “You look horrendous, dear. Not enough sleep, I imagine. You’re too young to have crow’s feet.”

“I do not have crow’s feet,” snarled Raven. Without turning to face her daughter, Harpy used her magic to conjure a small hoof mirror, which she held in front of Raven’s face. Raven peered at her own reflection, tugging down on her face with her hoof, then let out a curious hum. “Okay, so maybe I do. But it’s not my fault. This job is—”

“This job’s importance is second only to the throne itself, and you’d do well to remember that.” Harpy turned round one last corner, coming to a large shelf of thick, dusty, ancient looking books. Harpy lit her horn up with magic, pulling tomes from the shelf in order to check the titles. “You never treated this job with the sort of respect it deserves.”

“I do my job fine, Mother,” snorted Raven.

“‘Fine’ isn’t good enough, Raven. You are the Right Hoof of the Throne. You’re the Royal Advisor! Princess Celestia depends on you to aide and assist her in the goings on of the entire kingdom of Equestria. You don’t get to do your job ‘fine’, Raven. You must be excellent on your worst day.”

“I’ve dealt with more difficult and delicate issues than any other administration before me.” Raven huffed, getting more irate as time progressed. She despised when Harpy thought fit to lecture her. “I’ve organized three separate shifts of political power in Equestria. I’ve dealt with things you couldn’t even wrap your head around.”

“And that’s exactly it, Raven. Nopony is doubting your skill or talent,” fired Harpy. “You were born for this job, but you don’t live up to your potential! You’re so capable, you should be so much better. That swimsuit shoot is a prime example. Despite all of your accomplishments, you still allowed something like that to compromise Princess Celestia’s image.” Raven could feel her anger mounting with each passing word. It was all but impossible to refrain from shouting. “You’re lazy. You’re sloppy. You’re taking our family name and raking it through the mud.”

“I never wanted—!” Raven bit her tongue, catching the venom in her mouth before she let it slip. Even in her anger, she knew that what she was about to say would be dumping fuel on the fire. Instead of exacerbating the situation, Raven took in a deep breath and tried again. “I never wanted to disappoint the family, Mother. I assure you, I’m trying my best.”

“And what do we do when our best isn’t good enough?” asked Harpy, the question practiced and essentially burned into her daughter’s brain. Raven didn’t even have to think about it before answering.

“We make our best better,” she sighed. Harpy didn’t turn around, but gave an affirmative nod and hum before pulling a book from the shelf. “Good. And here we go. Arcana Mysterium- The Complete Almanac of Magicks and Witchery.”

“Good. I’ll get this back to the princess,” said Raven, accepting the book and carefully setting it on her back. “Mind warping me back? It’s a bit of a trot, and I’d rather get back to work as quickly as possible.”

“Teleportation isn’t good for books, especially ones that old,” said Harpy, ignoring Raven’s raised eyebrow. “We’ll take the scenic route.” Harpy cleared her throat as she led the way. “Besides, is catching up with your mother really such a terrible idea?”

“Well… I suppose a walk is fine.” Raven followed Harpy again, silently studying her. “Is there something on your mind?”

“There’s always something on my mind, Raven.” Harpy dodged the question, something Raven easily picked up on. “Between work, and you, and a million other things, I’m not exactly afforded the luxury of not having something on my mind.”

“Me?”

“Do I have to spell it out for you, Raven? I worry about you. You’re not taking care of yourself,” said Harpy. “You look sickly. You’re not eating like you should, and I’m sure you’re drinking, despite my orders.”

“I’m an adult, Mother. I can drink if I like.” Raven was very defensive on this point. Of all the people to lecture her about drinking, Harpy Inkwell should be the last one in line. “A beer or two after work is no harm done.”

“Hm. You’d think.” It got quiet for a bit, the silence slowly melting into tension. “Have you been keeping in touch with Birch?”

Raven contemplated ignoring Harpy, or dodging the question like her mother had to her. She very much so didn’t want to have this conversation, but it seemed to be out of her hooves. Deflection would make things worse, so Raven was forced into telling the truth.

“Sporadically. We swap letters occasionally,” said Raven carefully. “I'm a bit overdue, to be honest.”

“And how is he?”

“He's good. Enjoying his retirement.” Raven chuckled slightly. “At least one of you is.”

“Heh. That's good. Where is he these days?”

“Travelling, like you're supposed to be. Last I heard from him, he was headed to Mareizona. Some sort of music festival.” Raven smiled darkly at the idea. “You know how Dad is with his music.”

“That stallion tried to be in the band at our wedding,” laughed Harpy. “The man was a damn fool…”

“Sure was. We used to give him a hard time about writing all over the house. Every room except his studio.” The memories of Birch were bittersweet, indeed. Raven tried not to think about him if she could avoid it. Even these memories, the happier ones she held for her father, felt like a stake was being driven between her ribs. The bad ones often made Raven feel as if she was drowning.

“We argued for hours about putting in that damn studio. Every house we found, we had to pass on because there wasn't enough studio space,” snorted Harpy. “And yet, he wrote my anniversary song in the bathtub.”

“Most mares would feel special to even get an anniversary song.”

“If there was one thing Birch was good at, it was making me feel like a princess. He was a good stallion.” Harpy let out a sigh. “It's a shame what happened.”

“Yeah. Shame.” Raven tried not to seem especially bitter for the rest of their journey to the Archive’s exit. She couldn’t tell what was going on in Harpy’s mind and, at the moment, she didn't especially care. Raven just kept going, using the cover of silence to push the memories away for the time being.

“Well, that didn't sound too bad,” said Garrus, depositing himself in his seat. Raven sighed, taking the spot next to Garrus, which left one last spot for Moon Shine to claim.

“I agree. Based on what you told us about Harpy, I expected this story to be a lot worse,” said Luna, noticeable disappointment in her voice. “I want a refund! I paid good money to take joy in your suffering!”

“My mother has her moments. I don’t know what made her ask about my dad, though,” said Raven with a shrug. “Those two haven’t spoken to each other in years.”

“What happened between them? She left him?” asked Luna. Garrus elbowed her in the ribs, shaking his head. “Ow! What the hell, Griffon?”

“Not cool…” said Garrus.

“He left her, actually,” said Raven. “Probably the best decision he ever made.” She narrowed her eyes at Luna. “And that’s the most I feel like talking about it, so how about we drop it and get some drinks?” Raven peered around the room, her confusion mounting. “Where’s that barmaid? Someone call her.”

“I… I don’t know her name,” said Garrus. “Huh. How long have we been drinking here? And I never learned her name…”

“Now that I think on it, I don’t think I ever caught her name either.” Raven pursed her lips in thought. That barmaid was a good mare, always kind and receptive to her patrons. She kept the rowdiness of the place to a minimum, and she was always discreet about Raven visiting the establishment, knowing how difficult it must be for somepony of her stature to have a drink in peace. “I kinda feel bad. Moon?”

“Huh? The hell are you looking at me for?” asked Luna with a shrug. “I barely know your names. What hope did some bartender I’ve spoken to twice have?”

“Sorry for the delay! What can I get you?”

Raven, Garrus, and Luna all turned to see the new voice as it neared their table, and what they saw made their eyes grow wide in shock. A mare approached, an alabaster unicorn with a beautiful pale pink mane. She had a bright smile to go with her stunning magenta eyes. On her flank was the image of an orange sun setting along the horizon. She was stunning. Gorgeous. Regal.

Like a princess.

Immediately, the trio of friends were put on edge.

“Hi! I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. What’s your name?” asked Garrus with his patented grin plastered across his beak.

“Oops, sorry, I never introduced myself,” said the mare. “My name is Solar Flare. Please forgive me, it's my first day on the job and I'm a skotch nervous.” Solar craned her head at the party of three, the gesture drawing attention to her noteworthy height. “So, what can I get for you three?”

“Just a round of beers to start with,” said Raven cautiously. Solar nodded and used her magic to scribble that down on her notepad.

“I shall get that right to you.” Solar stowed her notes away in her apron pocket, then gave the trio a good-natured smile. “If you three need anything, please do not hesitate to call!”

And, just like that, she was gone, headed for the bar to grab drinks. The trio watched her go, unable to tear their gazes from her, though there seemed to be multiple reasons for the stares. She seemed not to notice the three sets of eyes glued to her, even as she filled the flagons and brought them to the table. She smiled, gave a little curtsy, and disappeared in the bustle of the bar in order to serve other patrons. When she was out of earshot, the trio finally let out what they were thinking, almost simultaneously.

“What fresh hell is this?!” demanded Raven.

“How did she find us?” Luna kept her voice hushed, low, and dripping with panic.

“Goddess above, she’s beautiful,” sighed Garrus wistfully. The mares at the table looked at him as if he had sprouted a second head. “What?”

“Have you gone mad, Griffon?” asked Luna. “Or are you just as dumb as you look?”

“Seriously, Gary, what the hell?” Raven drained her beer immediately, then stood up to gather her things. “We need to get out of here?”

“For once, you’re right, Inkwell.” Luna similarly finished her drink and began packing up, ready to leave at a moment’s notice. “I don’t know where we plan to meet next, but it can’t be here. Let’s just hope she doesn’t recognize me and incorrectly assumed that you two losers have a social life.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” said Garrus, shaking his head. “What’s happening? Where are we going? What’s your problem with Solar Flare?”

The mares stared at Garrus for a moment before they each grabbed him by the arm and lifted him up, preparing to drag him out of the bar.

“That’s Celestia!” hissed Raven. Garrus was about to argue with that notion. He was about to reason that it would make no sense for Celestia to be there, and that the odds of her showing up must’ve been incredibly minute. He was also going to say that, if that was really Celestia, she probably wouldn’t look similar to her or have a similar name, because that wouldn’t make for a very good disguise. He was about to call the very idea ridiculous.

Garrus then took one look at Moon Shine, and he felt his every argument fall apart.

“Son of a bitch…” he said, grabbing up his beer and draining it in one big swig. “Let’s go!”

Author's Note

If you like this story and wish to see more of it, or otherwise support me to allow me to do pesky things like put food on the table, then consider buying me a coffee:https://ko-fi.com/chillybook

Chasing the Sun

“This is wrong,” said Garrus, not for the last time. He picked up the stack of photos Raven had plopped onto their table at the Three Crowns tavern. Each photo was of “Solar Flare”, and it didn’t seem like any of them were taken with her consent.

“Taking photos of the interior of a bar is not a crime.” Raven looked over her photos, studying them for some sort of clue as to why Celestia was following her. “We just wanted to immortalize a fun night out, and she just so happened to be in frame when we decided to snap a picture or two.”

“Or fifty?”

“Quantity doesn’t change legality.”

“Well, that’s not true,” remarked Luna. She was mostly observing, sipping an annoyingly weak glass of wine and flipping over an empty glass with her magic. “Fifteen grams of Pixie Sugar is simple possession, but thirty is intent to distribute. It’s the difference between five years with parole and twenty.” Luna paused with her cup mid-flip when she noticed how intently Raven and Garrus were staring at her. “What?”

“Why are you so well-versed in drug possession laws?” asked Garrus.

“Maybe cause I wrote them?”

“Or maybe cause you had a hell of a spring break,” said Raven, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Look, we’re not here to judge how you used to party, okay? We’re here to figure out how and why your sister is stalking us, and how we can stop it.”

“Bleh. The sooner we put an end to this, the better.” Luna glared at her wine as if it had insulted her mother. “This wine sucks. How am I supposed to blackout on this drek? It’s basically grape juice.”

“Moon Shine. Focus. What do we do?”

“Hm…” Luna took a moment to seriously consider the issue, rubbing her chin with her hoof. “Well, first of all, we need to figure out why Big Sister is pretending to be a barmaid. If we know what it is that she wants, we can potentially give it to her.”

“Obviously, she wants to annoy me!” exclaimed Raven, dropping her face against the table. “All I want is a nice drink after a hard day of work to bitch about my job…” Luna shook her head, taking Raven’s photos and looking through them.

“While you may be the main character in the shitty fanfiction you write in an attempt to escape your crippling loneliness, this is the real world, Inkwell. And, in the real world, not every action revolves around you,” said Luna. Raven leered at her friend, grabbing a small chip of ice from her glass in her mouth and spitting it across the table. Luna dodged it easily, rolling her eyes. “Charming. In any case, Big Sister doesn’t operate like that. Disguising herself as a commoner to work at a bar to annoy you is far beyond her capacity for a prank. Besides, she’s a notoriously awful actor, and anypony who deals with her regularly should be able to see through her act.”

“So you think her working at Ne’er-Do-Wells has nothing to do with us?” asked Raven. Luna nodded. “If not us, then why is she doing it?”

“It could be any number of reasons. Could be as simple as boredom, although I admit that’s probably a longshot. Big Sister isn’t above using the castle’s time and resources to manufacture some sort of amusement for herself. She’d start some sort of minor gossip or drama long before she actually leaves her post.”

“Even if we figure out why, we’re no closer to figuring out what to do about it. We can’t just walk up and call her out, can we?”

“We could find another bar,” suggested Garrus. “I mean, I love Ne’er-Do-Wells, reminds me of home, but that’s not the only shitty bar in Canterlot. We could just switch hangout spots.”

“That sounds like admitting defeat,” said Raven with a shake of her head. “And I am not letting her beat me.”

“I think you’re electing to take this way more personally than you need to.”

“Moon Shine, can you see into her dreams?”

“I thought of that, obviously. Big Sister’s dreams are different than a mortal pony’s.” Luna shook her head, helping Raven to mentally cross out another potential solution. “I can see them, but I can’t just kick down the door and putz around in her dreamscape like I can with you people.”

“What do you mean ‘you people’?” remarked Garrus, mostly as a joke.

“You people who haven’t spent six-hundred years meditating and training your mind with the explicit purpose of keeping me out of your head.” Raven cocked a suspicious brow, opening her mouth to inquire. “Oh, don’t get hype, the real story is way less interesting than whatever your conspiracy theory is. She just didn’t want me seeing what stallion she was into so I wouldn’t steal them away. As if I would want anypony blind enough to think that she’s the hotter sister.”

“Well, she is the Princess of the Sun…”

“Do you have anything useful to contribute, or are you just paid on a per-quip basis?”

“I’m hourly, actually, but I work for tips.” Garrus grinned at the princess, watching her annoyed expression crack into a begrudging smirk.

“I knew you could play this game, Griffon.”

“Anyway!” Once again, Raven tried to refocus the group on the task at hand. “We’re getting nowhere with this. Gary, when’s your next day off?”

“Uh… Saturday, I think.”

“Good enough. Meet me at my place then. You too, Moon Shine. I’ll run some reconnaissance,” said Raven. “Til then, stay away from Ne’er-Do-Wells. We need a game plan, and I need stronger booze…”

“Hey, Inkwell, you're out of ice.”

Raven glared across her bar, watching as Luna helped herself to the liquor behind the counter. Luna (who, despite Raven’s assurances that she didn’t need to, had decided to maintain her Moon Shine disguise even now) didn't seem to notice, instead focused on the two glasses before her. One glass held the last of Raven's whiskey, while the other half the last of her ice from the freezer.

“I just made a ton of ice this morning,” said Raven flatly. Luna shrugged, then popped an ice cube into her mouth and crunched down noisily on it.

“I like ice. Sue me.”

“I see you already finished off my booze, too. Would you like to just help yourself to the food out of my fridge while you’re at it?” Raven glared at Luna, baffled that one of Equestria’s diarchs was such a freeloading houseguest. “Hold on, I think I have some clothes you can take off my back, too.”

“Oh, now that you mention it, I am kinda hungry.” Luna leapt up from her seat, crossing the room to open Raven's fridge. “What do you have?”

“Hey, Rave, you see this?” Garrus held up a bright scarlet envelope that he found on the end if the bar. “Looks important…”

“It's from my mother, and I absolutely do not feel like dealing with whatever the hell it is right now. I'll open it later.” Raven grabbed the envelope and frowned frowned, both at the prospect of the letter and at the sight of Luna emerging from her fridge with a bowl of guacamole, before slipping the letter in her nearby saddlebag. “Dude, come on. I used the last of my avocados on that.”

“I'll replace it.” Luna removed the cover and scooped up a bit of dip with her hoof. “Decent, but needs more lime, and salt. You got any chips?” Raven opened her mouth to argue with Luna's actions, but soon decided it wasn't worth the effort.

“Cabinet behind the bar…” Luna belched, which Raven chose to interpret as a thank you, and quickly went about raiding Raven’s cabinets for snacks. “And this, Garrus, is why I don’t have people over.”

“Well, I don’t think most houseguests are like Luna,” noted Garrus.

“Thanks!” said Luna, through a mouthful of tortilla chips.

“That wasn’t a compliment.” Luna burped again, then shrugged. “Anyway… What’s the game plan?”

“Well, I’ve been using every second of my freetime watching the princess, and I’ve got nothing,” said Raven, frowning at her failure. “For someone who can’t act, her poker face is incredible. She’s sticking to her guns that she doesn’t often leave the castle.”

“That’s odd. Celestia is an awful liar,” said Luna. She shoved a hoofful of chips in her mouth, loudly and obnoxiously crunching. “Hm… None of this is making any sense. Why is she pretending to work at a run-down dive? How would she even know how?”

“That’s a good point.” Raven chewed on her tongue thoughtfully, the situation getting stranger and stranger the more she thought on it. “Celestia doesn’t drink, she doesn’t know the difference between a whiskey and a draft beer.”

“Wait, she doesn’t drink?” asked Garrus. “Not even at, like, parties or anything? I thought that was a royal thing, to lead a toast during a fancy dinner or whatever.”

“She does, but she never actually drinks it. I’ve always wondered why.”

“The reason why is none of your business.” Raven and Garrus peered at Luna, surprised by the intensity of her response. Even during the process of figuring out Celestia’s goal in following them to Ne’er-Do-Wells, Luna had maintained a light, almost uninterested attitude. But there, she sounded a bit irate.

“You okay?” asked Raven, genuinely concerned. Luna seemed to realize the sharpness in her tone, and her expression softened slightly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just that Celestia doesn’t ask me for much,” said Luna. “And, if she wants me to keep certain things between us, I owe her at least that much.”

“Fair enough. Sorry for bringing it up,” said Garrus. Luna shrugged, then went right back to scooping guacamolee into her mouth. “Right… So, like, can we just go back to Ne’er-Do-Wells? Since you guys don’t wanna find a new spot, that’s pretty much our only option. Maybe we can figure out more by approaching the problem, instead of running from it.”

“We could figure out her schedule, and that could give us some clues,” mused Luna. “And, as long as I don’t speak, I don’t think she’ll be able to know that I’m Moon Shine. I know I sound different enough in my disguise for you, but not to Tia. She’ll know it’s me within the first three words.”

“Well, it’s not as if I’ve got any liquor here,” sighed Raven. She slipped her saddlebags onto her back, shaking her head. “I guess I can spend one night watching my mouth in case Celestia is listening.”

“Sounds good to me.” Luna nodded her agreement and, after licking the last of Raven’s guac from the bowl, tossed it across the room and landing it neatly in the kitchen sink. “Look at that! Who’s better than me, huh? Sunk it!”

“I expect a pound of avocados on my counter by Monday,” droned Raven. “Let’s go. We’ve only got a few hours before the place closes, and I could really go for a drink.”

Raven cautiously crossed the room, feeling a strange edge that she didn’t often possess when in the bar. Ne’er-Do-Wells was supposed to be a safe, relaxing place for her, not some place where she had to look over her shoulder every three seconds. Garrus blamed it on paranoia, claiming that it’s pretty unlikely that they’d run into “Solar Flare” again in such a short span.

“Seriously, what are the chances of us getting her twice?” asked Garrus as he followed Raven to the back of the bar, their usual table empty and waiting for them. “It’s later than when we first saw her, we probably missed her shift.”

“The Griffon brings up a good point,” agreed Moon Shine. “You know what your problem is, Inkwell? You try too hard, and that leads to you worrying.” She unceremoniously dropped herself into her usual chair, letting out a satisfied groan. “Damn, it’s good to be back… You should stop trying, and stop caring.”

“That would end in disaster,” said Raven. While she didn’t make any audible noise like Luna had, she did fight back a smirk as she sat down and shifted her saddlebags off. It was nice to be back, even after such a short hiatus. “Who’s gonna put out Celestia’s fires if I’m not trying?”

“Yeah, that’s what I mean. Your problem is that you’re so good at what you do and put so much effort forward that you make it seem easy! Big Sister takes that for granted, so you should just stop trying. Do everything half-assed.” Luna grinned mischievously. “Like me! I put in like half effort into most things, and it normally works out pretty okay.”

“When was the last time you put 100% effort into something, out of curiosity?” asked Garrus.

“About a thousand years ago, when I tried to usurp the throne.”

“Well, hey there, strangers!”

There was no time for Raven and Garrus to unpack that statement, as their regular barmaid neared the table. Raven felt herself relax when she saw her, beyond thrilled to see a friendly, familiar, definitely-not-Celestia face. The barmaid looked happy in her own right to see her three regulars back where they belonged.

“Where have you three been off to?” she asked with a good-natured grin. “Better not be getting your drinks someplace else.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” said Garrus. “We just, uh, haven’t had the time to relax over a drink the past week or so.”

“Ah, right, right, I getcha. Was afraid my niece scared you lot off!”

Luna, Raven, and Garrus glanced at each other, a quick mental conference taking place. Could it really be…?

“Your… Niece?” asked Raven. The barmaid nodded.

“Yep, my niece Solar was on her way to Las Pegasus to work for some fancy-schmancy resort’s bar, and she stopped here for a while so I could teach her the ropes.” The barmaid chuckled, shaking her head at the thought of her pure, innocent niece working in Sin City. “I may not look like it, but I can mix a cocktail with the best of ‘em, and I taught Solar everything I know. She’ll do just fine out there, I’m sure.”

“So Solar Flare was your niece,” said Raven, just barely resisting the urge to slam her face against the table. “That explains a lot, actually.”

“Yeah, she must get that bright personality from you,” chimed Garrus.

“Goddess willing, that’s all she got from me! Anyway, you three must be thirsty. Lemme get you a round on the house, to welcome you back.”

“That’s incredibly generous of you, thanks.”

“Well, since we already look like dumbasses, we may as well go all the way,” sighed Luna. “Hey, barmaid lady. We’ve been drinking here for a while and I don’t think any of us have ever learned your name.” The barmaid laughed, her genuine amusement doing very little to calm Raven’s pure, unadulterated embarrassment.

“Yeah, that happens. Most folks aren’t regular here, so we don’t develop a relationship,” said the barmaid. “But, since you lot seem like you’re here to stay, I suppose we can be friendly with one another. Name’s Guinness Pint, but you can call me Ginny.”

“Ginny! Damn it, I knew that!” groaned Raven, burying her face in her hooves. “Sorry about that, I’m terrible with names…”

“Don’t worry about it, hon. Here, let me get you your drinks, and I’ll write it down for you all, so you don’t forget.”

Ginny gave a teasing wink before heading off to the bar to gather the trio’s drinks. Raven sighed, finally succumbing to her urges and slamming her face against the hard wood of the bar table.

“It was her niece! It wasn’t Celestia at all!”

“I mean, in retrospect…” mused Luna. “She was just a unicorn that had vaguely the same color scheme and naming convention. We kinda jumped to the conclusion that she was Celestia…”

“Yeah, why did we think that? Just cause she was tall, had a white coat and a sun-related Cutie Mark?” added Garrus. “That applies to like 80% of Canterlot ponies, really.”

“Seriously, why would we ever assume it was Celestia in disguise when it’s a million times more likely that it’s just somepony who looks kinda like her?”

Raven opened her mouth to speak, but had no response good enough to defend the trio’s simply ridiculous leap in logic. Of course it wasn’t Celestia. Why would it be Celestia, and not one of thousands of potential unicorn mares with sun-based names? It’s not uncommon for parents to give their daughters names that are inspired by Princess Celestia’s, as it was considered a sign of good luck and that the filly would grow into a beautiful successful mare. Raven knew this and, as usual, she let her stress and worry get to her.

“Maybe you’re right, Moon,” sighed Raven, digging through her saddlebags. “Maybe I should just stop trying…” She pulled out the letter from her mother, looking it over. She wasn’t sure when it came in, maybe a day or two ago, but it couldn’t possibly be that important. If it was something Harpy absolutely needed Raven to know, she would’ve said it to her in person. Even still, Raven knew she’d have to read the letter eventually, and she figured it would be best to do so with alcohol on the way to take the edge off.

“God damn it!” said Garrus suddenly. Luna and Raven looked at him expectantly, waiting for some sort of explanation. “I just realized! Solar Flare isn’t Celestia!”

“Yeah? We kinda figured that out already, bird brain,” said Raven, peeling open her letter. “That’s also a good thing.”

“Yeah, but if she’s not Celestia, that means I could’ve asked her out…” Garrus groaned, dropping his face against the table much like Raven had. “Another shot, missed.”

“Oh, don’t feel too bad,” said Luna. “It’s not like you had a chance with her anyway. She was way out of your league.”

“Thanks for the honesty…” Garrus looked up, his expression immediately shifting from annoyed to concerned. Raven was staring at the letter, but it didn’t seem as if she was reading it anymore. She just stared, dazed. The color left her already pale complexion, giving her the appearance of a mare dead on her hooves. “Rave? You okay?”

“I have to go,” breathed Raven. She stumbled to her hooves, stowing the letter away and digging around for her coin purse. “I… I have to go.”

“We just got here,” said Luna. “What’s the deal?”

“I need to… Shit, the trains aren’t running anymore, damn it!” Raven nearly knocked over her chair as she bustled to leave. She didn’t make it far before Garrus grabbed her by the wrist, slowing her down.

“Raven, calm down. You’re starting to freak me out,” he said. “What’s going on? Why do you need to leave? Where do you have to go?”

“Mareizona. It’s my dad. He’s just had a stroke.” Raven felt her lip tremble as she realized just what that meant. “And I don’t know if he’s going to make it.”

Birch Burrow

“Rave, slow down!”

Raven barely heard Garrus. She barely took a second to get her bearings. She barely heard Luna teleport away. She barely took a second to look around the new city she was in, a city she had never been to before. Raven was on autopilot mode, and when she saw Mareizona General Hospital in front of her, she was running for the door before she had a second to think about it.

The smell of antiseptics and disinfectants burned at Raven’s nose, immediately conjuring up bad memories. She remembered staying in the hospital only twice: once when she had her appendix removed, and once when Harpy was being treated for her overindulgences the night before. Raven shook her head, trying to loosen the thoughts of surgeries and stomach pumps from her mind, approaching the reception desk with a knot in her throat.

“How can I help you?” asked the receptionist. Raven opened her mouth, and nothing came out. She froze, her words unable to come together in any sensible way. Raven wasn’t sure if she could speak without falling apart, and so she just stopped in her tracks. “Ma’am? Is everything alright?”

“Rave!” Garrus hurried through the door, sliding to a stop next to his friend. To say he was concerned would be an understatement. He had never seen her like this. Raven was always strong, cool under pressure, able to keep her emotions in check for the most part.

“Sir? Is she with you?”

“I’m more with her, really. Her father was just admitted a day or two ago,” said Garrus. “Birch… Shoot, not Inkwell, right? Birch…”

“Burrow,” croaked Raven. “Birch Burrow.”

“Just one second.” The receptionist looked through her paperwork for a bit before finding the sheet she was looking for. “Room 136. That’s just down the hall.”

Raven was gone in a flash, and, after thanking the receptionist, Garrus was right behind her. She moved quicker than she had in some time, finally coming to a stop at room 136. Raven could feel her heart pounding in her chest, as if trying to burst through her ribs. Garrus stood beside her, gently nudging her on the shoulder.

“It’s okay. I got you,” said Garrus. “You ready?” Raven nodded, although she couldn’t recall telling a bigger lie in her life. She pushed open the door and strode into the hospital room, terrified by what could be on the other side of the door.

Her confusion upon seeing her father sitting in the hospital bed, casually strumming his guitar, was almost incalculable.

“Dad?” Raven was, understandably, dumbfounded. Birch was just playing as if nothing at all was wrong. But, before Raven could get too hopeful, she noticed something was off. Birch missed a few notes he wouldn’t otherwise, as if his mind was working just a few seconds too slow for his body. When Birch saw his daughter, he smiled, though it looked as if he was having a difficult time doing so. Raven was so focused on her father that she didn’t even notice Harpy until she stood up from her seat.

“Where were you?” she demanded. “I sent you that letter yesterday morning.”

“I… I didn’t see it. I’m sorry,” said Raven. “Dad… How are you doing?”

“Better now that you’re here, Birdie.” Birch clumsily set down his guitar, turning to grin at his daughter. His coat was a golden brown, contrasting with the stark white of Raven’s. His mane was similarly dark, thinning slightly near the top. “It’s good to see you.” He seemed to only just then notice Garrus. “Hello, there. You’re a friend of Raven’s?”

“Yes, sir. Garrus Oak of Canterlot’s Solar Guard,” said Garrus, saluting. Birch chuckled, returning his salute with a clumsy, uncoordinated hoof.

“As you were. I’m a former guard myself, Squadron Leader. Canterlot wasn’t hiring griffons when I was working there. Granted, we didn’t have an abundance of griffons applying…”

“I’m here for an exchange program, Raven has been teaching me the Equestrian way of life.” Garrus shot her a smile. “She’s been a very good friend.”

“That’s my Birdie.”

“Dad…” Raven buried her face in her hooves, unable to believe what she was seeing. “What happened?”

“You would know if you read the damn letter and got here on time,” said Harpy. Raven opened her mouth to retort, but Birch interjected first.

“Harpy, enough. This is plenty hard on everyone as is. No point in being upset,” said Birch calmly. “I’m sure Raven got here as soon as she could.”

“We bumped into Princess Luna, she teleported us here,” said Raven, cringing at even this slight embellishment of the facts. To say that they bumped into Luna wasn’t false, but it certainly wasn’t the whole story. “We got here as soon as we could.”

“Which very easily could’ve been too slow.” Harpy stood up, making a beeline for the door. “I’ve been here for two whole days, scared out of my wits. You needed to be here, Raven. When are you going to learn that your actions have consequences? One day, shirking your responsibilities like this is going to bite you on the ass.” Harpy shook her head, exhausted, irate, and disgusted in equal measure. “I’ll be back in the morning. I need a drink.” Raven felt her jaw clench and, just like earlier, her body moved on its own, stepping directly into Harpy’s path.

“You’re kidding, right?” said Raven. “Dad is sitting in the hospital and you want a drink?”

“I’m not asking your permission, missy. Out of my way.”

“You're going to do this to us? Again? Sit—” Harpy didn’t even let Raven finish her sentence before she pushed past her, slamming the door closed on her way out. "Mom! You can’t keep doing this! Get back here!"

"I'll see if I can talk her down," said Garrus, rushing out after Harpy. Raven sighed, trudging across the room and taking Harpy's seat beside the hospital bed. She glanced over to her father, who had long since been used to this sort of behavior.

"I would've thought you'd know better than to argue with her by now," sighed Birch. "When she gets like this, there's not much that can stop her."

"Yeah… Still, though. Right now?" grumbled Raven. "You need her now, more than ever."

"To be honest, I'm surprised she even showed up."

"Yeah, how did that happen, anyway?" asked Raven. "She told me that you haven't spoken in years." Birch chuckled slightly, scratching a hoof through his hair sheepishly.

"See… Thing is, she's still my emergency contact…" Birch laughed weakly at the look of aghast confusion his daughter displayed. "Never got sick before now, never needed to change it."

"Dad… What if she didn't come?" asked Raven. "What if she decided to be petty and vindictive and just stayed in Canterlot?"

"I knew she'd come. Despite our issues over the years, she's a good woman. She always has been. I knew she'd come through when I needed her." Birch clumsily grabbed up his guitar, casually strumming a slow, mellow tune. "Just like I knew you'd come. Wasn't expecting your friend, though."

"Sorry. I heard you were in the hospital and I just lost it. He made sure I got here okay." Raven still couldn't grasp how calm her father was, seemingly unphased by the situation he found himself in.

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you're meeting people you can depend on, and he seems like a good griffon. Just a friend, though. Right?" Birch narrowed his gaze at his daughter, earning only a roll of the eyes and a nod of the head. "You sure? He's not bad looking…"

"Dad!"

"Fine, I'll leave you alone. Let you get where you're going on your own." The two fell silent for a bit, save for Birch's song. "You seem upset, Birdie. What's on your mind?"

"You just had a stroke, Dad. You're on my mind. Mom is on my mind. Everything is on my mind." Raven shook her head in a futile attempt to fight off her oncoming headache. "I just… I can't believe she's like this. I can't believe she's still doing this to you. You've been so good to her all these years, better than she deserves and still…"

"Harpy is… a troubled soul," said Birch carefully. "Like I said, there's a good mare in here. She just needs some course correction every now and then."

"I just don't know what you saw in her." Birch chewed on his tongue for a second, clearly absorbed in thought. Raven couldn't blame him for that. He had been through so much already, and now here he was in his sickbed, his ex-wife and daughter fighting like cats and dogs. Raven wished things could be different, but Harpy made that impossible. Instead of a typical response, Birch strummed a more discernible melody, a song Raven recognized. It was the song Birch wrote for Harpy, all those years ago.

"Do you believe in destiny?" he asked. Slowly, uncertainty, Raven gave a nod. “A little birdie flew into my life and mine was plain to see. I think everyone in life has their own special route. And how can you ignore your destiny when it's right in front of you?”

“That’s not how the song used to go,” noted Raven. Birch smirked, but just kept on strumming his guitar. Raven frowned at the missed notes and unsteady playing. Birch himself swore under his breath, then quickly adjusted his hooves on his instrument. “In fact, I don’t think it had words at all when you wrote it.”

“Felt fitting. I hope you were listening to them.” Birch muted the strings with his hoof, taking a moment to tune the guitar before returning to his song. “You only see Harpy when she’s at her worst. I met her at her best. The Harpy I know is strong, smart, determined. When she set her mind on something, it would take nothing short of divine intervention to stop her.” Birch smirked, finally setting his guitar back down beside his bed. “Reminds me a lot of you.”

“She’s also frigid, selfish, bitter, and toxic to everypony that she comes in contact with.” Raven sighed, burying her face in her hooves. “God, I am just like her, aren’t I? I could’ve been here sooner, but I was too much of a coward to face her. I should’ve just grit my teeth and dealt with her like an adult. And now… God, what if I was too late? What if you…”

"Raven, you've been blessed with a great many talents, but there is nothing you're better at than worrying yourself." Birch leaned over and grabbed a saddlebag he had laying beside him and began rustling through it. "I know this is scary, but worrying about ifs, buts, maybes, and probablys isn't going to make anything better."

"I know. You always said I took myself too seriously." Raven slumped slightly, her tank very quickly approaching empty. She was exhausted, stressed, terrified. "I can't help it. Between work and Mom butting her way back into my life, and now you're sick… I don't know how I'm gonna keep going."

"You'll keep going on because that's what you do. There's only one thing I've ever seen you attempt that you gave up on." Birch finally emerged from his bag, offering to Raven an old, hastily stapled stack of papers. The corners were tattered and dogged, the entire stack old and damaged by the elements and Father Time. "And for that… I'm sorry."

"What's this?" Raven took the stack and looked it over, tilting her head in curiosity. Her expression shifted a bit the longer she examined the papers. "This is my writing. Wait… Is this my play?" She flipped open the script, a wave of memories washing over her. It had been so long since she had last seen this script, even longer since she had actually read it. "Why do you have this? How do you have this? I threw this out years ago…"

"I snatched it up before it got tossed out for good. I was going to hold onto it until you came back to the project, but… You never did."

"I know. It flopped, bad," said Raven, tossing the script away. To her surprise and mild annoyance, her father picked it back up. "My first big failure. I don't know what I was thinking."

"No. This isn't your big failure, Birdie. It's mine," said Birch. Raven peered at him strangely, but her father didn't give her much time to speculate before he tossed the script right back at her. "I knew you were struggling. I knew you needed help. And I wasn't there for you."

"It's not your fault. Not even Mom's fault." Raven absolutely did not want to think about her failed play, then or ever. It was a mistake, it was embarrassing, and, most importantly, it was unfixable. There was nothing that she or anypony else could do about it, and therefore didn't warrant further discussion. "It's mine. Things got too hard and I cracked. Nopony should be sorry about it but me."

"Birdie… This play was all you talked about for weeks, months even. I had never seen you happier than when you were talking about your play. Still don't know if I have," said Birch. "You poured your heart and soul into this script. This… this was your destiny."

"My destiny was to follow in Mom's hoofsteps," said Raven, growing more and more frustrated. Her ire was mostly directed to herself, the thoughts of maybes and what-ifs grinding away at her mental barrier. "My play was a fun little distraction, but it wasn't to be. Inkwells aren't playwrights. Inkwells are Royal Advisors."

"Says who? Celestia? Harpy? What about you, Raven? When do your dreams come into the equation?"

Raven didn't have an answer for some time. Her eyes bounced from her script, the flawed story and direction almost driving her to tear it to shreds right then and there, to her father, sincere exhaustion and sadness in his eyes. She didn't know what to say, didn't know what the right answer was. It had been years since she had even given thought to her "dreams", or whatever remained of them. Even if she thought she had a place anywhere but at the throne's side, it didn't matter. She had missed her opportunity, and there was no diverting course now. Raven Inkwell was the Royal Advisor, for better or for worse, and there wasn't anything that could be done to change that.

"I'm too old for dreams, Dad. This is my reality," sighed Raven. "I've made peace with who I am and what I do. Like you said, worrying about ifs and maybes isn't going to change things. Time to move on." A knock at the door stole Raven's attention. She stood up to get it, cracking open the door to see Garrus waiting in the hallway.

"Hey, I got your mother checked into a hotel. I don't think she's in a good shape to be coming to a hospital," said Garrus carefully. He examined Raven's face for some sort of sign that she would flip, and he was surprised to see none. "And they're gonna kick me out in a few minutes. Visiting hours are over and they said only immediate family can stay overnight. I can send a letter to Canterlot to call in sick and stay here for you if you want."

"No, it's okay. I'm good," said Raven. "Thanks for getting me here. I know I was a mess earlier, but seeing Dad has calmed me down a bit." Raven glanced back to her father, who had resumed the slow, slightly clumsy strumming of his guitar. "It's good catching up like this. Just wish it was under different circumstances."

"You sure you'll be okay?" Raven gave a small, almost taciturn nod. "Alright. Well, then, I'm gonna message Luna and hitch a ride back home. Luna said to let her know if you need anything, and that extends to me, too. I got your back, Rave. Just let me know if you need me.”

To Garrus’ surprise, Raven responded not with words, but with wrapping around him in a warm, tender hug. Raven had never been fond of physical contact, and Garrus couldn’t recall seeing her hug anypony, let alone him. After just a moment of hesitation, Garrus returned the affection, gently patting Raven on the back. He could feel Raven shuddering, just barely fighting back tears, and his heart snapped. He could hardly imagine how hard this was for the Inkwell family, Raven especially, but he vowed to do everything he could to help his friend through this tough spot.

“Thanks, Gary,” she whispered. “For dealing with my mother. For dealing with me. For everything. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, Rave. Like I said, I’ve got your back whenever you need me.” Garrus gave Raven a firm pat on the back as they broke apart. “I gotta go. See you around.”

“Bye, Gary. Safe travels.” Raven watched as her friend left, taking a second to compose herself. She took in a deep breath and adjusted her glasses before turning back to face her father. Birch was smirking as he played his guitar, so amused with Raven that he didn’t even notice the notes he was missing. “What?”

“Just friends?” asked Birch with a grin.

“Dad!”

Raven's Absence

“So…” Garrus uneasily sipped his beer, peering across the table. Moon Shine was flipping her empty glass over in her magic after having drained it of its firewhisky. “How are things?”

“You’re being weird, Griffon. Stop being weird."

"How am I being weird? I'm just making small talk," said Garrus, although he could not deny how odd the situation felt. It had been four days since he last saw Raven, and her presence was very dearly missed. Something about their dynamic felt off, the third seat at their table cold and empty without their friend to occupy it.

"Exactly. We don't small talk," said Luna. "We banter and talk shit about each other, but we don't small talk. Small talk is lame. Don't be lame, Griffon."

"Do you ever intend to learn my name? We've been friends for a while now, and it's really not that hard."

"Oh, I know your name is Garrus." Luna downed her other glass of firewhisky, adding the glass to the other and flipping them both. "But I feel like calling you Griffon annoys you."

"Eh, not really," said Garrus with a shrug. He pushed his flagon forward, tapping his claw on the table. "Griffons have some mean names we call each other as kids. Some of the things I heard on the playground… Still kinda stings."

"Please. When I was at school, I got called slurs and mean names that don't even exist anymore," said Luna. "When you come from a family like mine, you tend to catch the ire of salty-ass peasants who think you have something to do with your father's decision to raise their taxes, or your Big Sister refusing their advances. Not my fault that a princess doesn't want to date some random peanut farmer, doesn't mean you should take it out on me. Setting my tail on fire won't make my sister suddenly find you attractive, you stupid idiot."

Garrus raised a brow at Luna's bitter, almost absent-minded rambling about her past. Luna paused when she realized she was being stared at, slumping down in her seat slightly.

"You know, the more I talk to you and the more you talk about your personal life, the more I understand why you are the way you are," noted Garrus.

"Oh? And what way is that?"

"Kind of a trainwreck?"

"Ah. Well, you're not wrong," shrugged Luna. "I never said I didn't have major issues. Quite the opposite, actually. What, you think I get blackout drunk for shits and giggles?"

"Eh… Something about excessive drinking doesn't sound too attractive at the moment," said Garrus, wincing at the memory from earlier in the week. Harpy wasn't in a good way the last time he saw her, and he couldn't possibly enjoy getting drunk after seeing her like that.

"I'm kidding, in any case. I drink so much because I literally cannot get more than a buzz on mortal liquor," explained Luna. She reached forward with her magic and grabbed Garrus' flagon. When he didn't react, she downed the remainder of his mostly untouched beer in a single gulp. "Alicorn biology, you know. If I really wanna get shit-faced, I'd have to do some dimension hopping to get my hooves on some Daemon."

"Daemon?"

"It's kinda like bourbon, if bourbon tasted like pomegranate. And had the consistency of a slug. And was also served hotter than the surface of the sun." Luna began juggling all three cups with her magic, clearly amused by her own display. "I'd offer to take you to try some, but even a sip would turn your eyeballs into soup, melt your bones into tar, and evaporate your very soul." She paused to laugh at Garrus' justifiably horrified expression. "Besides that, though, it's pretty tasty."

"Yeah… Hard pass."

"Maybe I should take you two losers for a trip through the multiverse. Could be fun, showing you mere mortals just how small your insignificant fragment of reality really is." Luna glanced to her right, as if expecting Raven to be there, frowning when she was nowhere to be seen. "Ugh… this is so… Boring!"

"Sorry that I'm not entertaining enough for you, Moony," droned Garrus.

"No, it's not that. Don't get me wrong, Inkwell is plenty boring, too. You guys both suck." Luna pouted, dropping her chin to the table. "But your boring cancels out her boring, and it all works out. Without her here… our dynamic is ruined!" She rocked her drinking glasses, nodding a silent thank you as Ginny came around with another firewhisky. "I wish she didn't have to be away…"

"Are you… Do you actually miss Raven?" asked Garrus, arching his brow. Luna sneered at him, rolling her eyes as she downed her whisky.

"Don't be an idiot, Griffon. Of course I don't miss Inkwell. I simply acknowledge that we have a particular synergy, and losing a third of our group has completely undone said synergy." Garrus examined Luna's expression, grinning as the princess tried to maintain her annoyed, indifferent glare.

"You do! You miss her!" laughed Garrus. "You're worried about her, huh?"

"Shut up. I don't even like Inkwell, really. I only drink with you two idiots because I don't want you two to snitch on me to Big Sister," grumbled Luna. "If it weren't for you constantly trying to bang me, I would've been content to minding my own business."

"Geez, what is with you? Raven, too." Garrus rolled his eyes, tapping his claw on the table. "I was definitely hitting on you, won't deny that, but it wasn't a sex thing."

"You were buying a mare drinks with no intention of bringing her to bed?"

"No! Well, maybe…" Luna snorted, clearly not buying into Garrus' explanation. "Obviously, I found you attractive, but I was thinking with my heart, not my… Er…"

"Your 'beak'?" offered Luna.

"Again with the beak. I'm starting to get offended, really…"

"Lieutenant Oak?"

Garrus turned on his stool, curious as to who would be addressing him by rank here in Ne'er-Do-Wells. A dainty, delicate-looking pony approached, thin and lithe even by pegasus standards, wearing a set of golden Canterlot guard armor that seemed several sizes too big for them. The pegasus clanked forward, their long, scarlet mane coming down to near their shoulders, their eyes shining like emeralds as they approached.

"Private Shepard! Didn't think I'd see you around this side of town," said Garrus with a grin. He beckoned with his claw. "Come on, have a seat. Don't be shy."

"Thank you very much, Lieutenant." Shepard slid into the stool that was usually occupied by Raven, earning themselves a slight glare from the disguised Princess Luna. "Hello. I'm Shep, good to meet you."

"Hey. Moon Shine." Luna seemed flat and dry in her delivery, even more than usual. "Charmed."

"Hey, Ginny!" Garrus called to the barmaid, who was busy tending to patrons on the other side of the bar. "Let's have another round over here!"

"No problem, hon!"

"So. I take it you know each other?" asked Luna. Garrus smirked, nudging Luna's shoulder. "What?"

"I thought small talk was lame," teased Garrus.

"It is, when you do it."

"We're friends from work, yes," said Shepard, smiling a small, mousey smile. "Lieutenant Oak has been basically in charge of me these last few weeks. I'm fresh out of basic training, you see?"

"Hardest working recruit I've seen, in Equestria or Griffonstone," said Garrus. Ginny arrived at the table a short second later with a tray of three frothy flagons of beer.

"Here you are. I see you've got yourselves a new drinking buddy," remarked Ginny, sliding each drink forward. "Quite the popular griffon you are, hm? Trading one pretty mare for another?" Luna laughed, taking a heavy swig of her beer.

"You think this feather brain has any luck with the ladies?" snorted Luna. "Need I remind you how I ended up drinking with him and Inkwell in the first place?"

"Aww, don't be like that! I'm sure you'll find the one someday, hon." Ginny winked at Garrus, smirking as the griffon blushed. "If I were you, I'd get another round of drinks for your new mare friend."

"Thank you, Ginny. I'll keep that in mind," sighed Garrus, sipping his beer. Ginny just gave a knowing chuckle as she trotted away to keep an eye on her bar. "Just like Mom…"

"Does she think you were flirting with me?" asked Shepard curiously.

"Mainly because he flirts with anything with two X chromosomes," remarked Luna.

"First off, untrue," said Garrus. "I flirt with whoever I feel like I might have a connection with."

"Yes, and I'm sure you were yearning for a 'connection' when you saw my flank from across the bar."

"Second of all, that doesn't apply to me," said Shepard. "Because I'm not a mare."

"Seriously?" asked Luna. Shepard nodded. "Huh. You sure? You seem so…"

"Fem?" Shep suggested.

"I was going to say something that was more likely to get me in trouble, but sure. Let's go with 'fem'. Did you know this, Griffon?"

"Uh, yes? I thought it was pretty obvious," remarked Garrus. "I never really understood why so many people think you're a mare."

"Have you seen him?" asked Luna. "Seriously, I was acting shitty because I thought he was hotter than me."

"Thanks. I think," said Shepard with a shrug. "I guess I look feminine enough, but I'd think my voice would give it away."

"Nah. You've got that light, airy, sexy voice going on. Honestly, I'm a little jealous. I sound like somepony's chain-smoking great aunt." Luna glared almost bitterly at the temporary member of their trio. "You could probably bring home more stallions than me, if you were into that."

"Eh… Maybe not as many as you'd think. I kinda forget how to speak whenever there's a cute boy around." Shepard fidgeted in his seat, blushing slightly. Luna tilted her head in curiosity, apparently amazed by the shocking development. "Why the shock? You're the one who said I was super 'fem', as you put it."

"I say a lot of bullshit, to be fair. My general strategy in conversation is to throw a bunch of crap at the wall until something sticks."

"How does that work?"

"I've been told to develop a new strategy. Naturally, I ignore that." Shep chuckled slightly, which seemed to amuse Luna. "So, all cards on the table. You're gay, then?"

"Like Hearth's Warming morning."

The grin that spread across Luna's muzzle could be described best as "devious".

"What's that look?" asked Garrus, although he seemed afraid of the answer.

"Oh, nothing. So, Shepard, read anything good lately?" asked Luna, feigning innocence. "Trashy romance or anything of the like?"

"Guilty as charged. Always had a weakness for a cheesy love story." Shepard looked confused. "Why?"

"Just ignore her, Shep. Goddess knows I do."

"Right… So, the barmaid mentioned I'm filling in for somepony?" inquired Shepard.

"Something like that. Good friend of ours is out of town, dealing with some family stuff." Garrus wished that Raven could be there, if for no other reason than to take her mind off of all of the stress. He'd have to remind Luna to help him get a care package of some kind to Raven.

"Ah. Well, I hope things go well for her."

"Me too," sighed Luna. Garrus gave her a sideways glance, which annoyed her to no end. "Fine, you wanna hear me say it? Whatever, I miss Raven and I wish she was here! Does that satisfy you, Griffon?" Garrus smiled, giving a slow, steady nod of approval.

"Yeah, actually, it does. It's good to know that you've got a soul somewhere in there."

Grief

"I shouldn't be here."

Garrus stopped just a few steps from Raven's door, glancing back at Moon Shine. Luna seemed to want to stay as far away from the situation as possible, something Garrus couldn't exactly blame her for. The coming conversation was bound to be difficult and unpleasant for all parties involved. Yet, in spite of that fact, perhaps even because of it, Garrus knew that it was a conversation that needed to be had.

"You're her friend, same as me," said Garrus, adjusting the collar of his stiff, scratchy rented suit, the only formal wear he had from home.

"But I'm not. Not like you are. Inkwell tolerates me, she actually likes you," said Luna. She kept looking over her shoulder as if afraid of being followed. Her Moon Shine disguise normally conveyed a sense of ambivalence and confidence, but now, in this black dress and weighed down by her saddlebags, Luna looked anything but confident. "I barely know her compared to you."

"That's not true. And even if it was… I bet she could go for some friendly faces right about now." Garrus sighed, approaching Raven's door and giving it a firm series of knocks before Luna talked him out of it.

"It's open."

She didn't sound very good at all. Her voice was but a croak, every ounce of energy gone from her tone. Garrus shared a concerned look with Luna before slowly pushing open the door and stepping into Raven's apartment.

"Hey. Make yourself at home." Raven never turned around from her bar, her focus entirely dedicated on the stacks of documents and letters in front of her. Garrus slowly closed the door, almost afraid of pursuing.

"Hey, Rave. You bailed pretty quick after the service," said Garrus carefully. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Just didn't feel like hanging around while everyone cried or whatever. I had a lot of work piling up, anyway." Raven lifted a sheet of parchment, giving it a quick once over before scribbling her signature and stamping it with Castle Canterlot's royal seal. "There's still a lot to do for this debt forgiveness thing."

"You're… Working?"

"If I don't do this stuff, it won't get done." Raven moved on to the next document, this one receiving just a brief look before being discarded so Raven could begin again. "The banks are running me around in circles for proper documentation, despite the fact I've sent it in multiple times. I'll need to pay a visit to the Treasurer…"

"Maybe Tia's dumb finance thing can wait?" offered Luna. "I don't know about you two scrubs, but I could go for a round or two." Garrus elbowed her in the ribs, which seemed to remind Luna of the situation. "More importantly, though… Shouldn't you be, like… Mourning?"

"I am. Everyone deals with grief differently. We all have our coping mechanisms." Raven sighed, shaking her head at the stubborn legislation she was dealing with, removing her glasses for a moment to combat her oncoming migraine. "This is mine, and I ask that you respect it."

"Sure, but…" Garrus neared Raven, taking note of how unruly and unkempt her hair was, how ragged and shuddering her breaths were. "You wanna talk about stuff?"

"Honest answer?" said Raven. "Not in the slightest. No offense, and I really appreciate you two taking the time to come and see me, but… I really just need some space."

"You sure?" asked Garrus. "Not to sound like an asshole, but you look…"

"Like hammered shit? Yeah, well, go figure. Trust me, I'm fine."

Garrus gave Luna a look that begged for help, which the princess tried her hardest to ignore. Soon, Luna could avoid the responsibility no longer, and she trudged up to Raven at her bar. In two quick flurries of magic, she set her saddlebags onto the surface of the bar and removed her Moon Shine disguise, then took a seat beside Raven.

"So," said Luna, visibly uncomfortable with the situation. "I'm pretty shit-tier at this kind of thing. So. Sorry, I guess."

"Thank you, Luna, but you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I appreciate your good intentions, you don't have to make things weird or uncomfortable. The thought is enough."

"Tell that to the Griffon. He's the one strong-arming me into acting like we're actually friends all of a sudden." Luna nudged her bag forward, pulling out a large produce bag. "I, uh… bought you more avocados. Sorry about the guacamole thing." Raven glanced over to the bag, letting out a shaky, tired, dark chuckle.

"This is like 5 pounds of avocados, Luna. I didn't need anywhere near this much." For the first time since her friends' arrival, Raven actually looked up, allowing Luna to see her baggy, puffy eyes, gone red from crying. "It was no big deal in the first place. If you didn't eat the guac, it would've gone bad soon anyway."

"Well, now you have plenty to make more for me to eat." Luna gave a tiny smirk. "More salt and lime this time. The last batch was barely passable."

"I'll keep that in mind. If you guys don't mind, I really could use some time alone," said Raven quietly. Luna nodded as she stood up, awkwardly patting Raven on the shoulder. She returned her Moon Shine disguise and joined Garrus near the door.

"See you tomorrow?" tried Garrus. It went quiet for a while, a tense moment that clawed at Garrus' heart. But, after nearly a minute of silence, Raven raised her hoof and waved behind her back, her eyes still glued to her work.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow. Thanks for swinging by, you guys. I know I don't sound it, but I really do appreciate it. I'm just… I need to focus on this. Please."

Garrus nodded, then muttered one last farewell as he ushered Luna out the door. Raven paused just long enough to hear the door click shut, then went right back to writing out her letters to the treasury. The room was silent, save for the scratching of quill on parchment, which was exactly what Raven needed right now. She needed quiet, to focus on her work, so she didn't have to think about her father.

The doctors assured Raven that it happened quickly, painlessly. She wasn't even in the hospital when it happened, taking a short trip to gather some creature comforts for her dad, maybe indulge in a hot shower and a night of sleep in a nearby hotel. Birch simply went to sleep and never woke up. Raven didn't typically latch onto small things like that, deciding that it didn't do anypony an overwhelming amount of good, but things were different this time. Now, Raven didn't have much choice but to relish in her silver linings. Knowing that her dad didn't suffer much didn't necessarily make things good, but it definitely made things easier to swallow. Still, the pain was hard to shake.

"Focus, Raven." She shook herself firmly, trying to keep her head in the game. There was nothing she could do now but keep moving forward. All she could do is keep going on, because that's what she does.

"Goddess above, this loan is going to be the death of me," grumbled Raven. "I need to brush up on the current tax law, maybe there's a precedent…"

Raven wasn't looking forward to that. The particular legal codes she'd need were very likely buried relatively deep into the Royal Archives, which meant a visit to the Archivist. The very last person Raven wanted to see at that moment was Harpy. She had been consistently avoiding her mother since the incident in the hospital, with the notable exception of a brief interaction at Birch's wake. No words were shared between the two, and Raven was out of there before Harpy could even attempt to start a conversation.

"This is a mess…" Raven sighed, shifting her sights from the legal aspect to the logistics. She would need to move a lot of people around to various other offices in order to get this done, which would require, among other things, a lot of compensation. It wouldn't be easy by any stretch of the imagination, but as long as Raven stayed focused, kept her head in the game, she was sure she could manage. All she had to do was keep her quill moving, stay focused, compartmentalize all of her emotions and fears and regrets and pain.

It shouldn't have been this way. Maybe if Raven had been better about keeping in contact with Birch, things could have been differently. Maybe they could have caught it. Maybe they could have gotten Birch better help, or maybe…

"Focus." Raven shook herself again, trying to free herself from the thoughts she was having. There wasn't much point in dwelling on maybes and what-ifs. What happened happened, and there was precious little Raven could do to change that. She knew as much. Sulking about what she could have done differently wouldn't bring Birch back.

Raven just wanted to work, to shut the world out and keep her hooves moving. She didn't think she could handle any distractions right then. She needed quiet. Solitude. Focus.

There was a flash of light from behind Raven, the telltale crack and pop of a teleportation spell. Raven shook her head, not bothering to turn around. She kept her nose in her work, deciding that there wasn't much point in arguing with Luna and Garrus. If they insisted on being there, determined enough to teleport into her home, Raven decided she'd grit and bear it.

"Hello again," sighed Raven. "You know, the door was still unlocked. Didn't have to teleport in like that."

"I am so very sorry, Raven." Raven was not expecting to hear that voice. She slowly turned on her stool, spinning around to face none other than Princess Celestia. Much like Luna and Garrus before her, Celestia was still wearing her formal attire. Raven wasn't typically the sort to make note of how somepony was dressed, but she noticed that Celestia's ensemble was intentionally plain, unremarkable, forgettable. Though it was ultimately a small detail that not many would notice (indeed, that was the point), Raven appreciated the gesture. Intentionally or otherwise, Celestia had a tendency to attract the spotlight. Considering the events of the day, Raven very much so appreciated Celestia downplaying her own importance, if only for a day.

"Oh. I wasn't expecting you, Princess," said Raven. "Thank you for visiting. Your condolences are…" Raven's eyes grew wide as she realized why exactly the princess was apologizing. It was no doubt due to the cargo she was carrying. On her back, slowly rolling and twisting and generally carrying-on, was a mostly unconscious, very intoxicated, Harpy Inkwell.

"I am so sorry," said Celestia again.

"Son of a bitch…" Raven could feel the fury, the embarrassment, the disgust wash over her, like it was the first time all over again. Not now. Not again.

"When she returned from the ceremony, she got into the castle's spirits cellar. I don't know exactly what she drank, or how much, but…" Celestia sighed, shaking her head sadly. "Three sheets to the wind doesn't do the situation justice. I hoped to bring her here so she could perhaps sleep it off while sparing her the indignity of dragging her to someplace else in public."

"Set her on the couch," ordered Raven as she dove behind the bar. She returned a short moment later with a bucket that contained a towel, a small bottle of tonic water, a larger bottle of purified, filtered drinking water, as well as a bottle of aspirin and pink bismuth. She brought her little remedy kit over to the couch where Harpy lay, appalled by the state of her mother. Her hair was a mess, and she positively reeked of booze. Raven thought she knew her mother's rock bottom, but this was on a whole other level.

"I'm sorry to dump her on you, Raven. She shouldn't be your responsibility," said Celestia. "Especially not now. But I just don't know where else to turn."

"I know. It's okay, you made the right call, your majesty." Raven began to distribute her remedies onto the floor, leaving the bucket empty and available for later use. "Have you ever seen her this bad?"

"No. Harpy always struggled with this particular demon, but I thought she had it under control by now." Celestia sounded mournful, regretful, as if she felt personally responsible for this whole ordeal. "Gods above… I'm sorry. What can I do to help?"

"Not much, I'm afraid. The last time she drank like this… Well, nothing to be done now. Just let her sleep it off, as you said," sighed Raven. "I have her well in-hoof, your majesty. I recommend you return to the castle and clean up whatever mess my mother caused." Raven pinched the bridge of her nose, beyond frustrated with the situation. "I apologize for what my mother has—"

"Stop that right now," said Celestia firmly, stealing the rest of Raven's sentence. "This is not for you to apologize for. Harpy's behavior is not your mistake."

Raven gave the princess a strange look. For as long as she had known Celestia, she had seemingly ignored Harpy's condition. Raven had previously thought that she was oblivious to the situation, but that quickly became evident that this wasn't the case.

"Princess, can I ask you a question?" said Raven.

"Of course, my dear," said Celestia with a nod. "Anything for you."

"Why did you hire her?" Celestia didn't respond immediately, so Raven continued. "You must have known she was like this. That she was a ticking time bomb. But you hired her anyway. Twice. Why bother dealing with her?" Again, the princess took a long, measured silence before explaining herself.

"I understand how it could be easy or appealing to view these matters as more binary and resolute than they actually are. Life is very rarely as simple as saying someone is good or bad," said Celestia carefully. "Harpy wasn't always like this. Perhaps a bit overindulgent in the eyes of many, but nothing I saw to be dangerous or irresponsible. In fact, she slowed down considerably after you were born. Almost quit drinking entirely. Then… the divorce hit her hard. She fell off the wagon in a bad way, but that wasn't until after many years of excellent work from her. She was truly the best advisor I had ever had by that point, and I would look away when she reached for the bottle, because I suppose I thought she had earned it. Living through a struggle I could scarcely comprehend, and yet she still gave me her best… So, that is why I kept Harpy on board, the first time."

"And the second? When you appointed her as Archivist?" asked Raven. Celestia took in a deep breath, considering things before answering.

“Have you ever found yourself drifting, Ms. Inkwell? Aimless, with no direction?” Raven didn’t give much in the way of an answer, and so the princess continued. “After Luna was gone, I hit rock bottom. Over the next thousand or so years, things only got worse. I put on my phony smile, laughed my phony laugh, let Equestria believe that all was right with their princess, but it was all an act. In truth, I could scarcely get through a night without breaking down and crying like a foal. And, just when I thought I had reached my limit, my breaking point… I met your mother. She helped me through some incredibly difficult times. Harpy almost transcended the role of Advisor, acting as more than that. She was my friend.” Celestia shook her head, freeing herself from the hazy memories and sense of guilt. “And, I made her a promise long ago, that I would do anything I could to help her. Giving her something to occupy her time seemed like the least I could do. And, to be perfectly honest… I had hoped to mend things between you, if possible.”

“Mend?”

“Please, Raven, I assure you I’m not quite as oblivious as the tabloids make me out to be. I could tell that you and Harpy have had a rocky relationship.” The princess gave her old, troubled friend a glance, wincing with shame and remorse as Harpy groaned and rolled over on the couch. “I never said anything directly, because it wasn’t my place. Not to mention how truly hilarious it would be for me of all people to give anyone family advice.”

“I see. I wish… Well. What I wish doesn’t really matter,” sighed Raven. “She’s here now. I’ll do what I can for her. Hopefully I won’t need to take her to the hospital… In any case, I’ll handle my mother for now, and I hope to have this bill ready for review by tomorrow.”

“Raven… Please don’t work yourself too hard. After all you’ve been through, you deserve to rest,” said Celestia with a sigh. “I can’t believe you’ve even done this much so soon after losing your father, you should—”

“Don’t. Just… Don’t.” Raven closed her eyes, choking back the oncoming sob. She swallowed it all down, letting out only a shaky, trembly breath. “Please. I need this right now. I don’t know what I’d do without it.” Celestia nodded, then crossed the room to place a hoof gently on Raven’s shoulder. After a short, slightly awkward moment of silence, the princess pulled her advisor in close, giving her a warm, genuine hug.

“I’ll leave you be, Ms. Inkwell. I wish you and Harpy all the best,” said Celestia. “If you feel so compelled to come in tomorrow, then I look forward to seeing you. If not… I think I’ll find a way to manage.”

“Thank you, princess. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning.” Raven chewed gently on her tongue, staring down at the ground. She was spiraling again, falling into a pit that she wasn’t sure she could climb out of. Raven shook herself firmly, bringing herself back down to Earth. “Maybe… Maybe not so bright and early. Maybe closer to noon. I… I need to sleep.” Celestia gave her assistant, her dear friend, a smile and a nod before backing away to prepare her teleport spell.

“Whenever you can make it, Ms. Inkwell. And, if you need something, anything at all… I will move heaven and earth for you, my dear. Especially now.” There was a flash and a snap, like the sound of a cracking whip, and the princess vanished in a flare of light.

A series of shouts and swears came from the sofa, with Harpy shooting upright on the couch and clutching her head. She looked around, confused, startled, terrified. She was breathing heavily, her demeanor calming slightly when she saw Raven and the assortment of things she had laid out in front of the couch. Harpy sighed, clutching her head and using her magic to raise the water bottle to her lips in a weak, shaky maroon aura.

“Gods and spirits all be damned, my head…” groaned Harpy. “What happened?”

“You know about as much as I do at this point,” said Raven flatly. “According to Princess Celestia, you drank all of the castle’s liquor and passed out in a corridor some place. Make sure you send her a thank you for carrying your unconscious body all the way to my apartment.”

“Shit… That’s what that sound was, her leaving.” Harpy looked ill, hiccuping as she tried to stand; After giving an ill-advised attempt to leave the couch, she collapsed right back on her flank. “Where are we?”

“My apartment. I just said that.”

“Right, right… What happened again? Why was I drinking?”

“I have no goddamn clue why you were drinking! You weren’t supposed to be drinking at all! Dad said—” Raven stopped herself before she lost control entirely. “Today was Dad’s wake. You left after the service and, apparently, tried to drink yourself blind.”

“Oh. Oh, damn… Birch…” Harpy gave standing another try, finding more success this time around. She shook the cobwebs off and maneuvered around the couch. “Ah, good, your bar is stocked…”

Raven could not believe what she was hearing, what she was seeing. Harpy just strolled past her to the bar, grabbing herself a glass and rooting around Raven’s various bottles. Raven was so stunned at first that it wasn’t until Harpy grabbed a bottle did she act, meeting her mother at the bar, yanking the whiskey out of her hoof.

“No,” said Raven flatly. Harpy didn’t even seem to hear her.

“Hm… Do you have any absinthe? And where do you keep your ice?”

“You’re not raiding my liquor.” Again, Harpy ignored her, leaning forward and grabbing another bottle, this one of brandy, and poured herself a glass.

“Whatever. I take it neat, anyway,” grumbled Harpy. She barely managed to bring the glass to her lips before Raven slapped it out of her hoof. The glass went flying across the room, dashing against the floor into a pile of glass shards and booze. “What the hell, Raven! What is wrong with—”

“What is wrong with you! Dad just died and you’re drinking my brandy like it’s your bachelor party!” Raven could hardly contain herself. She was quaking with fury, almost overwhelmed with disgust. “I don’t know what the hell is going on in that brain of yours, but I’ve had it with you.”

“It’s bottom shelf shit anyway.” Harpy made a move for the door, stopping only one Raven grabbed her hoof and pulled her back. “Take your hooves off me, missy, or so help me—”

A slap echoed through the apartment as Raven brought her hoof across her mother’s face. Harpy gasped, more surprised than pained, rubbing her cheek gingerly and with the utmost of appalled confusion. Even Raven seemed surprised by her own actions. She hadn’t made the decision to slap Harpy so much as her body acted on its own.

“You know the last thing Dad said to me?” Raven’s voice was scarcely higher than a whisper, but carried with it all the weight of a furious shout. “The very last thing he asked me, the last thing I’ll ever hear my father say, was him asking to get you help.”

“W-what…?” Harpy was still reeling from the slap, as well as her slowly fading inebriation, and she could barely make sense of what she heard.

“He wanted to get you help. It broke his heart to see you drinking like this. He wanted you to get better.” Raven trembled as she spoke That spiraling pit she had been attempting to avoid was growing, with hopes of swallowing her whole. This was too much for her right now, the very last thing she needed at the moment. “To his last moment, he was thinking about you. And you’re out and about, getting drunk, making an ass of yourself in front of the damned Princess! He cared about you more than you ever cared about him, you selfish, arrogant, holier-than-thou bitch! If you were twice the mare you are now, you wouldn’t deserve half of him! It’s all your fault that—”

“You think I don’t know that?!”

Raven froze, as did Harpy herself, the tension and anger between the two growing to be palpable. While their relationship had never been the steadiest or healthiest, Raven had never so openly attacked her mother before. She almost felt bad about it, but she shoved that tiny part of her away for the time being. Now wasn’t the time for rationale. Raven felt like she had earned the right to her blinding, explosive anger after all she had been through, and if she would say everything she had been holding in for years even if she had to listen to her mother ramble all day.

“I’m not an idiot, Raven. I know I didn’t deserve him. Nopony knows that better than me,” said Harpy, her voice gone cold and hollow. “I know I wasn’t the wife he deserved. I know it’s my fault we split. I know you hate me for ruining our family. You think I somehow didn’t notice that this was all my fault? That you could possibly hate me more than I loathe myself for how I acted in the past? But what can we do about it now, Raven? Birch is gone. You’ll never change how you feel about me. I can’t get all those years back. I’m just an old, sad, lonely mare waiting for time to finally catch up to me.”

“I… I don’t hate you,” whispered Raven, rather meekly. “I… I don’t know what to call it, but it’s not hate. It’s—

“Don’t. You’ve hated me since the divorce. You felt I was too hard on you, I suppose? Too much like your father for your own good.”

“You got it backwards. I wish I was more like him.” Harpy shook her head at Raven, using her shaky, weak, drunken magical glow to levitate the aspirin to her hoof. She popped the top and swallowed two pills dry.

“I understand preferring Birch. I understand not liking me.” Harpy deposited herself in a nearby barstool, clutching her head gingerly. Her hoof occasionally rose to rub her cheek, part of her still stunned that her daughter had struck her. “But I don’t understand how you can deify that man so much. He was a good man, better than I deserve as you seem so insistent to let me know, but he wasn’t without his faults.”

“He was a better parent to me than you ever were,” shot Raven. “You were never there for me when I needed you. Dad was.”

“Really? Let’s play a game, it’s called ‘Me or Birch’. Who made sure you had a roof over your head? ” asked Harpy, turning to glare at her daughter. “Who made sure you had food to eat? Who made sure you had supplies for school?

“I get it, you—”

“Who got you into university? Who helped you pay your loans off? Who helped you study for your bar exam? Who wrote the princess a letter of recommendation so that you could become the Royal Advisor? Me or Birch, hm?”

“You took him to court so you could keep custody,” snarled Raven. “If you would’ve let him, he would’ve done just as much for me as you did. Probably even more.”

“You really don’t think about what happened, do you? I know you were young, but weren’t you ever curious as to why Birch never took you?” asked Harpy. “It’s because he was broke. He grabbed his guitar and went backpacking across the country to finally chase his dreams, and he didn’t spare us a single thought. He could’ve been there for you, but he wasn’t. Face facts, Raven. Birch was a good man, but he wasn’t equipped to take care of a child. He was a bum. So you made do with me.”

“Maybe I would’ve been happier with him.”

“I did my best for you, Raven. I really, really did. I tried my best. Not good enough, I suppose, but that surely has to count for something. I gave you all I had!” Raven felt her lip twitch, her anger mounting again. It was just like Harpy, so quick to break her hoof patting herself on the back that she entirely missed the point. “I taught you everything I knew about law, about advising the princess, about business and how to speak on behalf of the crown. All Birch gave you was a few pointless distractions and a couple of birthday cards! I was helping you to live up to your destiny, to bring honor to the family name, and—”

“I never wanted this stupid family name!”

Silence fell, a deep, stiff, uncomfortable silence. Raven hadn’t meant to say that out loud. She had always buried that sentiment as deep down as she could, but she just snapped. Raven could see the shock and horror wash over her mother, Harpy clutching her chest weakly. Raven took in a deep breath before continuing. It was about time she finally said what she was feeling.

“I understand that our family is special, with a legacy or whatever,” said Raven slowly. “I understand that you were excited when you were younger to live up to that legacy. But that’s not what I wanted. And I’ve always resented you for that. Not just because you were hard on me. Not just because of you and Dad. Because you forced me into this. You made me become the Advisor, and you didn’t seem to care that it made me miserable.”

“But… What would you have done?” Harpy’s tone had softened dramatically. Raven knew, this wasn’t her being snarky or sharp. This was contemplation, remorse. “You were made for this job, Raven, I can’t imagine you doing anything else.”

“That Bridleway contest. The script I wrote for it. It wasn’t just some distraction. It wasn’t like how I quit the swim team because I got bored of it. Dad suggested that I give playwriting a try, and I loved it. That script was my life. My passion. I never wanted anything else as much as I wanted to do that.”

“Then why didn’t you finish it?” asked Harpy. “You told me you didn’t feel like finishing it, and you tossed it in the trash.”

“I was scared. I didn’t think my script was good enough. I thought the judges would laugh me off stage. I was so scared…” Raven could feel her resolve breaking. She felt like she could just pass out right then and there from these tidal waves of emotions and memories. “Dad wasn’t gonna be around to help, and you didn’t care about my stupid play nonsense, so I threw it out. You always said I needed to think about a real job anyway, so I binned it, and I shoved it away in my head so that I never thought about it, cause I knew if I thought about it, I’d—”

Raven lost the rest of her rant when she felt her mother’s hooves around her. If Raven wasn’t fond of physical contact, then Harpy was allergic to it. Raven couldn’t remember the last time she had been hugged by her mother. It was foreign, uncomfortable, strange to the point that Raven initially didn't know how to respond. It wasn't until she processed Harpy's shaking, shuddering sobs did Raven hug back.

"I'm sorry," breathed Harpy, barely able to get the words out. "I didn't mean to…"

"I know, Mom." Raven patted Harpy gently on the back as they embraced. "I know."

"I was so mad at him for leaving me, so bitter. I didn't want you to be like him…I tried to stamp out all the Birch in you and make you a proper Inkwell. I was so hurt, I didn't even think about…"

"It's okay," said Raven. "I know you weren't trying to hurt me. You weren't even trying to hurt him."

"Now he's gone. Too late to make amends. Too late to take it all back.” Harpy gave a dark, bitter chuckle. “I’m an absolute disaster, aren’t I?”

“You’re not alone there.” Raven broke away, wiping the tears from her eyes and looking Harpy up and down. She seemed steadier, like she had managed to argue herself sober. Even still, it was evident that Harpy wasn’t in a good enough place to be left alone just yet. “How’s your head?”

“Pounding like a marching band,” sighed Harpy, clutching her head. “Whatever I drank is something that ought not be drunk…”

“Wanna go get some coffee? Maybe a quick bite to eat?” offered Raven. “We could talk more. Maybe we can fix us.” Harpy nodded, slowly shaking off the last of her cobwebs. This wasn’t pleasant for either mare, but it was starting to look like maybe things could improve. Coffee seemed like a solid first step.

“I know a place,” said Harpy. “Let’s head downtown.”

Back to Work

Raven strolled through the corridors of Canterlot Castle, her saddlebags filled to bursting with assorted files and documents. She had been away from work for approaching 2 weeks, far longer than she had ever left the throne unassisted, and she was determined to make up for lost time. Luckily for her, her nights of studying Canterlot tax law until the wee hours of the morning were done, and all she needed to do now was meet with people, get documents where they needed to get, and secure one last little tax code. Raven was almost done with the debt forgiveness program, and her mind was already beginning to prepare for the rapidly approaching Grand Galloping Gala (which was a whole other headache she had to deal with).

But, for now, Raven needed to see the princess, and that’s what she intended to do. She was falling back into her groove, maneuvering through Canterlot Castle as if she hadn't ever left. Other members of castle staff had noticed her absence, and while Raven didn't think she had very many workplace friends, they seemed to have missed her, giving her an occasional "welcome back" as she passed them on her way to the throne room.

"Ms. Inkwell!"

Raven stopped just a few steps from the throne room's door, turning to the source of the voice behind her, and grinned. Approaching her was the youngest of the alicorn princesses, Twilight Sparkle, who had her own hefty saddlebags to carry. By her side, clutching a multitude of scrolls and quills in his tiny little claws, was Raven's favorite dragon.

"Princess Twilight! So good to see you," said Raven, bowing as Twilight approached. She glanced up and flashed a small, but genuine, smile. "Hey there, Spike."

"Hi, Ms. Raven!" said Spike.

"What brings you two all the way to Canterlot? If you don't mind my asking." Raven had been searching for a reason the visit Ponyville for quite some time now, so Twilight and Spike's unexpected arrival was rather convenient.

"Princess Celestia wanted to see me," said Twilight. "Something about the Gala, I imagine." Twilight smirked, nudging her assistant. "Spike, on the other hoof, was hoping we'd bump into you."

"Twi!" Spike's face flushed, much to Raven's amusement.

"Is that right?" said Raven with a grin. Spike slowly, timidly nodded.

"He was hoping you could give him some tips and pointers," continued the princess. "With you being the greatest advisor in Equestrian history and all."

“Well, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, Spike, that an advisor's work is never done. I unfortunately can’t stop what I’m doing at the moment for a quick lesson, as much as I would enjoy that.” Raven feigned a deep contemplation before grinning. “Although… Well, the first thing you should learn while working a job like this is how to maximize your time. If you can do two things at once, it would be smart to do so. And, as it just so happens, I think I can find a way to do my work and talk shop.”

“Hm? What do you mean, Ms. Raven?” asked Spike, curiously.

“Would you like to shadow me for the day? You can come along while I get my stuff done, swap trade secrets, get to know each other a bit better,” said Raven. She glanced up at the princess, and quickly added an amendment to her offer. “If Princess Twilight is okay with it, of course."

"C-can I, Twi?" Spike turned to his princess, eyes alight with whimsy and excitement. After a moment of careful consideration, Princess Twilight cracked a tiny grin and nodded.

"As long as you promise to be on your best behavior, I suppose there's no harm," said Twilight with a chuckle. "I hope it's not a burden, Ms. Inkwell."

"Nonsense. With all the things I need to get done, some company might be just what I need." Raven cocked her head and, with an almost tangible level of excitement, Spike crossed the hall to stand by his idol's side. "With you by my side, I daresay my schedule for the day doesn't stand a chance."

Time had an incredible way of changing one's perspective.

After over two decades of working at the castle, Raven had changed a lot in the way that she thought of the job, the way she approached certain issues. Certain problems that used to engage her mind, challenge her to find a good solution, now we're but mere annoyances. Going through the motions.

Taking Spike under her wing, so to speak, changed how she saw her work quite a bit. Although he had grown up around the castle in his own right, he didn't have quite the same experiences as Raven. He had adjusted to his simple, calm, quaint life in Ponyville quite well, and he was still awed by the fast pace of Canterlot business. Even still, Raven had to admit that the little drake was a professional, as he did a very good job of maintaining focus and readiness during Raven's brief meeting with the princess.

"So, what's first, Ms. Raven?" asked Spike as the two departed from the throne room.

"Well, let's see." Raven produced a scroll from her saddlebags, giving it a quick read. "To prepare for the Gala, we need to get a few permits notarized, get a message to the kitchens, and request a guard detail to assist in the escort of merchants and booths to the castle grounds." Raven rolled her scroll up and returned it to her bag. "How do you think we should do it?"

"Oh, uh… Hm…" Spike scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well, we're closer to the barracks, so we could arrange the escort… But, no, the Captain is probably going to want a formal note, which means we need to see the Archivist. Plus, the main kitchen is on the way, just a bit off. So we should go to the Archives, notarize those permits and get that note written off for the guards, and then swing by to speak to the head chef on the way back to see the Captain. Right?"

"Couldn't have planned it better myself," said Raven with a nod. Spike absolutely bubbled with pride, his joy beyond infectious. "Let's go, then. This shouldn't take long."

Raven led the way down the corridor, her new protege sticking by her side. She was impressed with how well he held himself together. Spike carried himself like a true professional, clearly attempting to soak up every bit of knowledge he could while in Raven's presence. She couldn't help but smile at the little guy, a little light to brighten her otherwise dreary, gloomy, heavy week.

"And here we are," said Raven, gesturing to the doorway of the Royal Archives. "Let's see who's working today." She led Spike through the door, into the front lobby area of the massive, twisting, labyrinthine library. The front desk was currently abandoned, which wasn't unusual. With all the books, tomes, documents, and records that the Archive held, there was always something to do. With nothing else to do, Raven and Spike approached the desk, and the young dragon jumped up to ring the little silver service bell. After a moment of silence, Raven rang the bell twice more, attempting a third when a voice interrupted her.

"Hold your horses, I'm coming!"

"Oh, dear," sighed Raven. "I didn't think she'd be here today…"

"Who?" asked Spike, tilting his head curiously. In lieu of a verbal answer, Raven gestured for the archway that led into the Archive proper. After just a second, the Royal Archivist made her presence known. Harpy arched her brow as she approached, taking a seat behind the desk.

"Hello, Raven. I thought you were taking time off," said Harpy.

"I could say the same to you," countered Raven, matching her mother's expression. "But things don't often get done if an Inkwell isn't around to do it."

"Fair enough. So, what can I do for you, missy?" Harpy turned her gaze to Spike, as if noticing him for the first time. "And who might you be? You seem a bit young to be doing royal business with my daughter."

"Hi, I'm Spike. Princess Twilight's assistant." Spike reached his claw forward, eagerly shaking Harpy's hoof. "And you're Harpy Inkwell, right? You're a legend!"

"Is that so?" Harpy couldn't help but snicker, turning her bemused gaze to his daughter. "Are you putting together an Inkwell fanclub, Raven?"

"Spike here is helping me get things ready for the Gala," said Raven. "On the job training, you see." She nudged Spike forward a bit. "So? You're on point, Spike."

"Right! Ms. Harpy, if you could spare a minute, we could use your help," said Spike, his professional demeanor betrayed slightly by his almost giddy excitement. "We need some permits notarized, and a note for the Captain of the guard so that he could lend us a guard detail for the Gala."

"A very reasonable request, Spike. I'd be happy to help," said Harpy. She used her magic to pull her quill and parchment from her desk, quickly scribbling out a letter. "Give me just a moment to finish this note, then I'll take those permits off your hooves. That's going to take a day or two to finalize, I'm afraid."

"Here you go," said Raven, digging through her saddlebags and depositing the documents onto the desk. "Thanks a lot, Mom."

"Mh-hm. Here, that should convince Falchion to spare you a few men. I made sure to specify that the leader of this squad be somepony you can work with." Harpy winked, then rolled up her note and sealed it with a wax stamp she kept on her desk. "I imagine you don't have time to stick around and chat? That coffee was a nice change for us."

"Sorry, Mom. I've got a lot to do today." Raven took the letter and slipped it into her saddlebags. "Saturday, though… Maybe you could have lunch with me and Gary?"

"Of course. Your work is never done, hm? Oh well. Goodbye, Raven." Harpy waved noncommittally, looking over the documents that Raven had given her. "Oh, and you should be on the lookout for a package. Hopefully it'll get to you tonight."

Curious though Raven was, she didn't bother asking any questions. She knew that Harpy wasn't typically this coy, and any attempt to gather more information would most likely end in frustration. Even still, it was nice to see that their coffee conversations had seemingly begun to mend their relationship. Still not quite right, as far as Raven was concerned, but progress was progress.

Raven and Spike waved as they departed, heading for the next stop on their checklist: the barracks.

"Ah, Ms. Inkwell. Here to disrupt my men again, I see," said Captain Falchion, barely looking up at Raven and Spike as they entered. "What can I do for you?"

"Charming as always, Captain." Raven approached the Captain's desk, shaking her head slightly. "Spike, Captain Falchion, head of the Solar Guard. Falchion, my friend and apprentice, Spike."

"What do you want, Inkwell?" Raven shook her head, but withdrew her letter nevertheless and slid it onto Falchion's desk. The Captain arched his brow, opening up the letter and giving it a quick once over. "Really? Again, Inkwell?"

"It's for the Gala, Captain. Spike and I are getting things together for the celebration," said Raven, glancing down at Spike. The dragon was quiet, but watching carefully to absorb all the knowledge he could. "This won't take long. Just an hour or so for you to put a team together, and then you'll have your men back."

"Doesn't look like you're too busy, anyway," remarked Spike. Raven flashed him a tiny smirk, turning back smugly to face the Captain.

"As you can see, that letter is official and—"

"Alright, alright, enough." Faction shook his head, cleared his throat, and then let out a bellowing shout. "OAK! FALL IN!"

A series of crashes, clanks, and sounds of scrambling claws echoed from outside, followed by the door swinging open and a very panicked looking griffon entering the room. Garrus slid to a stop before his Captain's desk, saluting before him without even casting his good friend Raven a look.

"Lieutenant Oak, reporting in!" said Garrus, much to Raven's amusement.

"Apparently, the Solar Guard is being reduced to bouncers and security guards. I remember back when soldiers actually protected things that matter…" grumbled Falchion. "In any case, you're with Inkwell. She's putting together a detail for this damned Gala—"

"Language, Captain," said Raven sternly. She gestured down to Spike, at which point the Captain simply rolled his eyes.

"In any case, you're running point on this assignment. Anything goes wrong, it's on your head. Got it?"

"Sir, yes, sir!" said Garrus. Falchion shook his head, then returned his attention to the paperwork he had formerly been filing.

"Is that all, Ms. Inkwell?" asked Falchion, tapping his hoof restlessly. "Or would you like to disrupt my work some more?"

"A pleasure as always, Captain Falchion," sighed Raven. "Spike, Lieutenant Oak, let's go."

And, with that, Raven led the pair out of the office and into the barracks proper. Garrus kept himself in "Royal Guard Mode" as they departed, matching dutifully until they were far enough from the Captain's quarters so as to not risk being overheard. Finally, when he was sure they were safe, Garrus loosened up, letting out a chuckle at Raven's irate frown.

"Always fun to talk with Falchion…" said Raven flatly.

"What's his problem, anyway?" asked Spike. "Do you normally bug him for guards?"

"If you were to hear Falchion tell it, she asks for protection every other day," laughed Garrus. "He's a good guy, though. Just a little… rough around the edges."

"Reminds you of home?" asked Raven, giving Garrus a gentle nudge. He laughed, scratching his neck sheepishly.

"Yeah. For better or worse…" He shook his head, turning his attention to the dragon beside him. "Hi, I'm Garrus, Raven's friend. And you must be Spike, right? Rave told me all about you." Spike nodded slowly, not quite to terms with the idea that Raven Inkwell had told her friends about him. "Well, good stuff, little buddy. The way I see things, if you can thaw Raven's cold, shriveled little heart, then you can do anything."

"Hilarious. Do you have a team prepared already or what?" asked Raven. Garrus peered around the room, trying to pick out a specific pony from the tangle of guards. He gave a whistle, beckoning to the red maned pegasus that turned.

"Shep, I've got an assignment for you," said Garrus as Private Shepard approached.

"Sure thing. What's up?" he asked. He tilted his head at Raven curiously. "Is this…?"

"Yeah, I'll introduce you two properly soon enough, but for now I need you to go get Delta Squad. We're doing security work in the lead up for the Gala." Shepard gave a determined nod, barely wasting time with waving before running off to gather the rest of their team. Garrus chuckled, shaking his head. "Kid better slow down, else he'll end up outranking me before I go back to Griffinstone…"

"Who's Delta Squad?" asked Raven.

"Just some boys and girls who helped me get settled when I moved in." Garrus counted off the names on his claw as he listed them. "Ash, Alenko, Eedee, Rex… Good guys. You can count on them to keep things in order."

"Good, good. I'll have a list of stops for you by the end of the day, just need to check in with the princess to make sure there's not any unusual merchants or anything," said Raven, checking her watch and letting out a sigh. "We should probably do that now, after we stop by the kitchen. Who knows what else needs doing. You get out at a decent hour tonight?"

"Mh-hm. Now that I have a team to lead, I can actually go home early if I wanted to." Garrus flashed a grin. "Perks of being in command. What, you thinking Ne'er-Do-Wells?"

"Actually… My place? I'm still sorta… drained. Don't really think a loud, crowded bar is what I need right now." Raven hoped she didn't need to elaborate, not particular eager to relive the difficult past month or so. Luckily, Garrus nodded in understanding. "Cool. Mind telling Moon Shine for me? I'd do it myself, but Spike and I still have a lot to do."

"Say no more. I better get the team up to speed, anyway." Garrus waved goodbye as he turned to see to his men. "Nice meeting you, Spike. And, good to see you out and about, Rave. I was worried about you for a while."

"Heh. See you around, Gary." Raven laughed slightly as Garrus disappeared amongst his fellow guards. She nudged Spike with her hoof, giving him a little pat on the back. "Nice work today, Spike. You've made today go much easier than it would have otherwise."

"Just happy to help! Doing all this by yourself must get pretty lonely, huh?" said Spike. Raven gave a little nod. "Well, at least you've got some friends here. Garrus, this Moon Shine pony, your mom. My only co-worker is a stupid owl Twilight adopted…"

"Yeah, I guess it could be worse," snickered Raven. She gestured for the door, leading the way out. "It's good to have people looking out for you, or else you'll go nuts in this job."

"Ms. Raven? Can I ask… Why was Garrus worried about you?" Raven tensed up slightly, but she tried her best to remain composed. "Is… everything okay?"

"Yeah. I've had a rough couple of weeks, is all," sighed Raven. She paused for a bit, deciding that Spike was enough of her friend that she could be open with him. "My father… He passed away recently."

"Oh no. I'm so sorry," said Spike.

"It's okay. He went out peacefully. Just… I wish I had more time with him. There's still so much I couldn't tell him. Didn't have a chance to say goodbye. Or that I loved him."

"I bet he knew already."

Raven gave a small, bittersweet chuckle, realizing that Spike was probably right. Birch had always been a very intuitive, knowing, understanding father. He must have known how much Raven cared for him. Despite their issues, the dysfunction in their family, Birch knew that he was loved and cared for by his daughter and his ex-wife. All the way until the end.

"Yeah, he did, huh?" said Raven. "Come on, Princess Celestia can wait. We still have to speak to the kitchen, and we may as well grab some lunch while we're at it. I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"Sure thing, Ms. Raven," said Spike with a nod. "Thanks for taking me out on the job with you." Raven laughed, giving Spike a friendly little jab with her hoof.

"The way I see it, I should be thanking you."

"Yo, Inkwell." Moon Shine stood in Raven's doorway, holding a large, rectangular parcel in her magical aura. "This was outside. Has your name on it. Figured you'd wanna check it out."

"Hey, Moon Shine. Come on in, Gary's been here for like ten minutes." Raven stepped aside, letting Luna into her home. "I've got pizza on the way."

"Excellent. More importantly, though…" Moon Shine stepped into the apartment, setting the package by the door. "You got any booze?"

"Yeah, I just got a few bottles. I—" Raven realized that Luna was no longer listening, her focus devoted on the newly stocked bar. "Why do I even try?"

"Don't worry, Rave, I'll play bartender," said Garrus, sliding behind the bar. As Luna approached, Garrus quickly fixed her a gin and tonic, which Luna quickly downed. "You gonna open that package, or are you gonna leave us guessing?"

"Keep your pants on, you dodo. I just need a knife," said Raven, crossing her home to her kitchen.

"Raven's got a knife?" Garrus clasped his claws on either side of his face dramatically. "Oh no, Moon Shine, run!"

"Funny. As if a knife could hurt me," snorted Luna, tracing her hoof around the rim of her glass, turning her attention to Raven. "So… How have you been, Inkwell? Not that I care, of course. I just thought this is probably the normal thread of conversation. Just trying to cover all bases while we're all still sober enough to speak." Despite Luna's words, it was pretty obvious to Raven that her friend was concerned, which brought a small grin to her features. She retrieved her knife and returned to claim her package.

"I'm doing good, Luna. Some time away was nice, but I'm glad I'm getting back into the swing of things," said Raven, carefully slicing open her package. "Really, though, I appreciate you asking."

Luna didn't respond, so Raven busied herself with opening her mail. It was pretty light for its size, not making much more than a dull thudding as Raven jostled it around. With her curiosity mounting, Raven tore away the packaging to get at the goods within.

"Whoa… It's my dad's guitar." Raven pulled the instrument from its case, turning it over and inspecting it. On its back was a note, which Raven quickly unstuck and read. "'He'd want you to have it. Don't let it collect dust someplace. Signed, Harpy.' Wow, I thought she took this… This is the guitar he played when he proposed to her, and the day I was born."

"That's pretty cool," said Garrus, giving Raven a genuine smile. "Do you play any?"

Raven smirked, then brought her father's guitar into position. She put one hoof to the frets, and the other to the strings. Raven paused for a second, both to absorb the moment and to build anticipation. When she was certain all eyes and ears were on her, she gave the strings a few quick strums; shrieking, discordant, off-key notes screamed from the instrument, a sound not dissimilar to nails on a chalkboard. Raven muted her strings with her hoof when she saw both Luna and Garrus covering their ears, grinning at the almost horrified expression that her friends were wearing.

"Nope."

Just A Friend

“So that will be the red gown, your majesty?” asked Raven, pouring over the sketches she had been delivered. “Mind you, Miss Rarity said that there’s still time for some adjustments, if you need them.”

“I trust Rarity implicitly. The red dress will do just fine,” said Princess Celestia, nodding at Raven from her throne. “Please, tell her to use her discretion in regards to the design. She has brilliant instincts in these matters."

"I'll be sure to inform her as such in my next letter." Raven checked this item off of her agenda, ready to move on to the next thing on her list. "And that looks like all we have for right now. Your tea cart should be arriving at the parlor shortly, and so you can take your break now, if you'd like."

"That sounds splendid. And what of you, Ms. Inkwell?" asked Celestia. Raven peered down at her list, noting all the things she needed done for the day.

"I have a few meetings I need to have with some of the potential vendors for the Gala." Raven scribbled a few notes in the margin of her list. "There's still some license issues to resolve…"

"Could I perhaps convince you to delay?" Celestia tilted her head, flashing Raven her pearly whites. "I would be delighted if you were to join me for tea."

"Hm… there's still quite a lot to do…" mused Raven. The princess began to pout, which more or less tied Raven’s hooves. "Well, if you're so insistent, I suppose I could join you…"

"Excellent! Come along then, Raven, the tearoom awaits!" Princess Celestia spoke quickly, before Raven could change her mind, and directed her to a door off to the side of the throne room. Raven, of course, knew the way, but it was still a strange sensation to be entering the parlor as a guest of the princess.

The princess' tea parlor was fairly small, and sparsely decorated with just a few chairs set around a small table, set with teacups and saucers. There were also a fair few paintings lining the walls, of Princess Celestia, her sister, her niece, and her prized pupil. At the princess' instruction, Raven sat down followed soon by the princess herself. Almost immediately, they were joined by a member of the kitchen staff with the princess' tea cart in tow. They swiftly set the table with tea, sugar, cream, honey, lemon wedges, and a platter of assorted cakes, tarts, and scones. They bowed to the princess before silently departing, leaving the two to their tea.

"Go on, help yourself," said Princess Celestia, nudging the platter of sweets forward. "Sweet tooth though I may have, I can't very well finish these sweets alone. Miss Rarity would never forgive me if I managed to gain too much weight to fit in her new design."

"I don't imagine that is very likely to happen, your majesty. But, from what I know from meeting with Rarity… I don't think that would be a pretty sight," said Raven with a slight chuckle, reaching for a blueberry scone. As she took a bite, she noticed the way the princess' gaze lingered on her. "Is there something wrong, your majesty?"

"Quite the contrary, my dear. It's actually quite a relief to see you out and about like this." Princess Celestia poured out a cup of tea for both Raven and herself, then added what Raven determined to be far too much sugar to her own cup. "I was afraid you'd spend the rest of your days drowning in your work."

"After all that happened, I just needed something to focus on."

"I'm afraid that Harpy said much the same once upon a time." It went quiet for a bit after that, save for the clinking of china as they sat their tea down. "Speaking of which… how is Harpy doing? I would have liked to see her myself, but I think she may be avoiding me…"

"She's… Well. You know how she is. Not exactly the most open pony in the world," sighed Raven. "She's kept away from the bottle, if that's what you're asking."

"I admit that to be a concern of mine, yes. This may well be the hardest obstacle Harpy has ever had to overcome. We need to be by her side if she's to stay on the straight and narrow."

"Mh-hm." Another silence fell, during which Raven was able to really examine things. Harpy had never been one to let herself be vulnerable or emotional, something Raven had suffered for over the years. But, now that a bit of time had passed since the funeral, and Raven herself had come to grips with things, it was obvious that Harpy was hurting just as badly. "She… She gave me my dad's old guitar."

"Really? That's quite interesting," hummed Celestia. "I knew that Birch had left it with her after they went their separate ways, but I assumed she would have sold it, or thrown it in the trash. To learn that she kept it is very interesting, indeed…"

"Hm? Why's that?"

"Well… Oh, Harpy really should be the one to tell you these sorts of things…" Celestia shook her head, taking a sip of her tea. "Birch was a fantastic captain, one of the best I've ever had, but his true passion was always music. He wanted to leave the guard so he could pursue that passion, something Harpy took umbrage with. They fought for quite some time over this, Harpy wanting him to stay with his stable job, whereas all Birch wanted to make music."

"Yep. I definitely remember the fighting…" murmured Raven.

"I don't know precisely how they came to this point, but eventually… Birch convinced her that it was what he wanted more than anything else," continued Celestia. "You can imagine how hard it would have been for your mother to admit that she may have been wrong, so she supported him in her own, very ‘Harpy’ way."

"She gave it to him?" asked Raven. Celestia nodded. "I never knew that. Doesn't really sound like a thing she would do."

"It wasn't, not at all. It was her attempt at an olive branch. Her way of letting Birch know that, while she didn't agree with his path, she loved him and would support him wherever he went." Celestia took a sip of her tea, avoiding Raven's gaze. "For her to have held onto it all these years, and give it to you… I wonder what she intended to say with that gesture."

"Maybe nothing," said Raven, although she didn't really believe that. "Maybe she just wanted to get rid of it."

"Perhaps. I've learned long ago that a quick and easy recipe for madness is to attempt to figure out Harpy Inkwell," chuckled the princess. "You were always better in that endeavor than I. Nopony can read Harpy better than you."

"Honestly, that's a bit sad…" Raven tapped her hoof idly, her thoughts consumed by her mother, her father, and that guitar. Harpy knew that Raven couldn't play, so why did she give her the instrument? Neither mare was particularly sentimental, so the idea of this being some kind gesture seemed unlikely to Raven. "I guess it doesn't matter why she gave it to me."

"I think it matters quite a bit. Harpy may be trying to tell you something important, and you may regret not listening." The princess tapped her hoof against the table, cracking a grin. "Ah, but enough serious business, let's move onto something fun! Who's the lucky stallion who gets to be your date to the Gala?"

Raven nearly spat out her tea.

"P-princess!" coughed Raven. "I-I…"

"Or mare, whichever is your preference. Of course, I support you in all of those endeavors," continued Celestia, unfettered and undisturbed. "But the day is sneaking up on us, and you really ought to start thinking about your dress and the like."

"Respectfully, Princess, I had no real intention of attending the Gala. It's never really interested me.” Raven cleared her throat, her cheeks tinged slightly red. “I’m not much for these high-class parties.”

“And you think I am? But, ever since Twilight and her friends began injecting some much-needed life into the Gala…” Princess Celestia chuckled. “Well, it’s an experience that simply can’t be replicated. It’s worth going, if only for one year.”

“Even if I wanted to go, I can’t imagine anypony would be interested in accompanying me,” said Raven, tracing the rim of her teacup with her hoof. “I’m not the most popular, or attractive, mare around.”

“Oh, Raven… I wish there was some way I could show you just how wrong you are,” sighed Celestia. “I happen to know quite a few stallions who would love to accompany you to the Gala.” The princess took a deep sip of her tea, innocently looking away from Raven. “Perhaps even a griffon or two?”

“Princess, Garrus is just—”

“Just a friend, I know, I know.” Celestia shook her head slowly, setting her tea down and giving her advisor a good, long look. “Raven, if I may speak openly… You’re making a mistake. You need to start caring for yourself, dear. If Mr. Oak is not to your interest, I understand, but I don’t want to see you drowning yourself in your work. Not like…”

“Harpy, you mean. You don’t want me to end up like my mom,” said Raven. Slowly, Princess Celestia nodded. “I don’t think one party could have saved my mother from becoming what she is now."

"It certainly would not have hurt," remarked Celestia. Raven let out a tired sigh, at which point the princess shook her head. "Please, Raven. Just promise me that you'll consider it?"

Raven pursed her lips, deep in thought as she considered the situation. She wasn't one for parties or any sort of social gatherings, let alone ones with the most snooty and obnoxious that Canterlot had to offer. Still, she had heard good things about the Gala since Princess Twilight and her friends had begun attending. Whether the Gala was good or bad was almost irrelevant if Raven couldn't secure a date, and she was confident that she wouldn't be able to. She wasn't one for flirting or anything of that sort, so Raven didn't even know where to begin.

"Alright, Princess," sighed Raven finally. "I will… consider it. But I can't promise that I'll change my mind." The princess grinned, trying to hide her glee behind her teacup as she took a sip.

"That is all I could ask for, my dear."

"So…" Raven tapped her hoof idly against the table, her discomfort with the situation persisting. Though she had indulged in brunch with her mother and Garrus before, something about this dinner put her supremely on edge. She wished desperately that she could have ordered some wine, to take the edge off, but that was not in the cards. Not with Harpy there with her. "Have you ever been? To the Grand Galloping Gala, I mean."

"Of course! I was the talk of the event, Princess Celestia notwithstanding," remarked Harpy. "Your father and I went every year until we split." Harpy took a deep sip of her water and frowned, as if upset at the fact that it hadn't somehow become hard liquor since her last sip. "Why do you ask?"

"No particular reason. It's just that it's coming up soon, and it occurred to me that I've never actually attended the Gala as a guest," said Raven, with an unconvincing aura of nonchalance. Harpy peered at her daughter, but decided not to press the issue just yet.

"And I don't imagine you've had the opportunity, Garrus?" asked Harpy, a small, almost invisible smirk across her face. If Garrus noticed, he made no mention of Harpy's amusement as he shook his head.

"No, ma'am," he answered, entirely oblivious to the strange, somewhat awkward air of the conversation. "I've only been here a bit under a year, haven't had the chance. I've heard stories, though. I'd like to go someday. Sounds like a hoot."

"Heh. Hoot," snickered Raven. Garrus tilted his head in confusion, and so Raven fired back with her best owl impression. "Hoot hoot, featherbrain. The one time I actually do make a bird joke and you miss it."

"Hilarious as usual, Rave. Comedy gold." Garrud shook his head as he stood up, though he couldn't fight off his grin. "I'll be right back, gotta hit the john. You ladies stay out of trouble."

"Not on your life," said Harpy with a wave. She grinned her cheeky grin as Garrus walked away, leaving mother and daughter alone at the table. As soon as Harpy was sure that Garrus was out of earshot, she turned to face Raven. "So, when do you plan on asking him to the Gala?"

"Ack!" Raven hacked and coughed on her water, choking from sheer surprise. Harpy scooted her seat over to whack Raven on the back with her deceptively strong and heavy hooves (like mother, like daughter). "Not you too!"

"If you wait too long, somepony else will snatch him up." Once Harpy was certain that Raven wouldn't choke to death, she continued on as if nothing happened. "If I was just ten years younger…"

"Mom!"

"I'm just saying, I see why you like him."

"I said it before and I'll say it again," sighed Raven, burying her face in her hooves. "Garrus and I are colleagues and friends, nothing more. Just friends."

"Yes, you two are just friends." Harpy let out snort, rolling her eyes at her daughter's entirely unconvincing argument. "And I'm sleeping with Shining Armor."

"Well, given your reputation for flirting…"

"Watch it, missy," said Harpy with a leer. "In any case, you better make a move on him soon. While it might not be me, somepony will ask him. It had better be you.”

“Do you remember last week during our coffee date, Mom? When we talked about boundaries?” Raven glowered at her mother, making it very clear that she didn’t like where things were headed. “Privacy and trusting me to live my own life and all that?”

“I just want—”

“What’s best for me. I know. And I appreciate that, but I’m a grown mare. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me anymore. This is my life, Mom. I’ll decide how it turns out,” said Raven firmly. Harpy pursed her lips for a moment before letting out a sigh and giving an almost exhausted nod. She raised her hooves in defeat, busying herself with her water once again.

“I’m sorry…” said Harpy quietly.

“It’s okay. I get it.” It got quiet for a bit, with neither mare knowing precisely what to say. Raven looked towards where Garrus had gone, and when she confirmed that he was still gone, she turned back to her mother. “So… I got your package. Dad’s guitar.”

“Good. That guitar is older than you.”

“It looks brand new. He took better care of the guitar than himself.” Raven chuckled darkly, shaking her head. “I spoke to the princess about it, and she seems to think that you were trying to tell me something.” Harpy didn’t speak, and so Raven pressed the matter. “She says you gave Dad the guitar to let him know that you supported his music. Why give it to me?”

“Does it matter?” asked Harpy.

“You tell me.”

“Raven… Did I ever tell you what happened when Birch and I found out that I was pregnant?” sighed Harpy. Raven shook her head. “He said to me that this is where our life really starts, with you. It wasn’t about us anymore, it was about giving you something we never had. He made me promise that we would leave you something after we were gone. And, in all of his years, after marriage and the guard and all of the traveling, he decided that he had found nothing more valuable or important to him than that guitar. So… I did what he told me to do. I left the most important thing he had found to the most important pony in his life.”

“But… Why? What’s so important about the guitar?” asked Raven. “I don’t get it. It’s just a guitar.”

“That’s what I thought. I was wrong. It’s more than ‘just a guitar’, at least Birch thought it was. Birch was normally right about that sort of thing. He said that the guitar brought him up from his lowest, and reminded him that happiness was an option.” Harpy looked away from Raven, as if to hide something. Raven couldn’t tell if it was to hide tears, or shame, or even anything at all. “Were he still with us, Birch would think it very apropos that I gave that same guitar to you, too."

"Sorry, there was a line."

Before Raven could formulate a response, Garrus had returned from the restroom, and he reclaimed his seat across from the two mares. Raven glanced to her mother, who had managed to remain uncharacteristically quiet. She didn't push Raven about the Gala or her date. Harpy said nothing, just smiled at Raven and her friend. Harpy left the choice up to Raven

"Man, this food sure is taking a while, huh?" remarked Garrus, though Raven suspected that was more to fill the silence than anything. Raven glanced to her mother, who was just smiling innocently, and finally let out a sigh.

"So, as the Royal Advisor, I get an invite to the Gala every year. But I never go," explained Raven. "For a number of reasons, not least of all because I never had anypony to go with. The invite comes with a plus-one, you see. So… Well. Going stag is just about the lamest thing ever, so… would you be interested in accompanying me?" Raven cleared her throat with a cough, looking down at the table in an attempt to hide her blush. "As a friend, mind you."

"Wow, Rave, are you serious?" Garrus grinned from ear to ear, which finally set Raven at ease. "Of course I'd like to go with you! Sounds like a blast!"

"Great, great. Just remember, it's a black-tie affair. No showing up in your sweatpants or anything," said Raven. "Got it, bird brain?"

"I've had a tux saved away just for this kind of occasion."

Nothing Without You

Raven Inkwell was never an especially flashy mare.

She lived a life of practicality, above all else. Raven had never cared for the extravagant, exorbitant, bougie lifestyle that so many of her fellow Canterlotians seemed to be obsessed with. From her home to her style of dress to even the places at which she elected to eat and drink, Raven's primary concern was functionality and convenience. What use are a set of shoes that cost 1,200 bits if they were liable to make your hooves bleed and deteriorate at the slightest contact with dirt? The very idea of an excessively showy, almost comically expensive dress that Raven would wear once and then hide in her closet until the end of days truly baffled her (which was in part why she hated weddings). To say she was out of her element would be an understatement, so it was only natural for her to call for assistance.

"Ooh! Ms. Inkwell, what about this one?"

Of all the ponies in Equestria to call, Raven would have gone through a long list of options before she thought to ask the Princess of the Sun for help looking for a dress.

"I quite like that one, myself," noted Harpy, strolling past Raven to inspect the glittering sapphire gown the princess had selected. She examined it closely, using her magic to hover it over to Raven's body. "Although, blue may not be your color…"

"I don't know if I have a color," remarked Raven. She fidgeted uncomfortably in her stool, watching her mother and her princess blow up and down the castle's tailorslike a storm, in search of a sufficient gown for Raven. "This is all outside of my area of expertise…"

"Which is why it's incredibly lucky that you have the two most attractive mares in Canterlot to help you," said Harpy, giving her daughter a smug grin.

"I see Princess Celestia. When does the other one get here?"

"Oh, all I do for my daughter, and she repays me how?" Harpy put a hoof to forehead, as if about to faint from the stress of it all. "With childish insults and bad jokes…"

"Focus, ladies. There will be plenty of time for you to trade barbs once we have Raven fitted," said the princess, though she clearly fought to hide her grin. She was used to the mother and daughter butting heads, but there was an air of levity and good-humor that former altercations didn't possess. As far as the princess could tell, that was progress. "Tell me, Raven, what do you look for when you go shopping?"

"Whatever has the lowest price tag, your majesty," said Raven. "They don't teach fashion in advisor school, I'm afraid."

"Hm… Perhaps something custom would be a better idea…"

"Princess, please. To get an outfit made custom…" Raven shook her head. "It'd be far too expensive."

"My dear, I told you, money isn't a problem," said Celestia. "Given how rarely you take off and how often you flat-out refused a raise, the least I can do is pay for you to have something nice to wear at the Gala."

"I just wouldn't feel right. It's not about the money, it's the principle behind it."

"Well, you can't go to the Grand Galloping Gala flank-nude as the day you were born," said Harpy with a frown. "You need to find something and—"

"Ms. Inkwell?"

To Raven's surprise, the "girl time" she was spending with her mother and the princess was interrupted by her companion to the Gala; Garrus marched forward onto the room, giving a bowing salute to all three mares (particularly the princess).

"Forgive the interruption, your highness, but I need to speak with Ms. Inkwell for a moment," said Garrus. "Some Gala details need finalizing."

"Oh, of course," said the princess. "We'll give her up as soon as we've decided on—" Princess Celestia surely had more to say, if not for the sudden beckoning from the elder Inkwell. Celestia leaned down, allowing Harpy to whisper something into her ear, and cracked a smile. "Actually, we're going to be taking a short recess. Ms. Harpy and I have some things to attend to. We'll leave you to it."

Before Raven could verbalize her suspicion, particularly at her mother's smug grin, both Harpy and Celestia vanished into a flare of light. Something about Harpy’s departure left an uneasy feeling in Raven’s gut, but there was nothing she could do about it now except shake her head and turn to her date for the Gala.

Raven blushed as the word “date” crossed her mind, and quickly shook her head. Companion. Her companion had a much better ring to it.

“Hey, Gary. What’s the problem?” asked Raven, trying to carry on as if nothing had happened. Luckily, Garrus either had the same plan or didn’t notice anything odd to begin with.

“Well, it’s nothing really serious,” admitted Garrus. “Not really. There's this cider stand that's giving us a hassle about paying their fee to set up. Something about the Briar family?”

“Oh, them. Don't worry about them, they have this ancient hoofshake agreement with the princess," said Raven, rolling her eyes. "They supply cider and mead for certain functions for a discount and in return they get a discount on their Gala fees, a small percentage of their sales after the fact. I keep telling Celestia that we need to get that agreement on paper, but she swears that the Briars will take offense to it."

"Ah. So just let them set up?"

"Yeah. Not a huge deal, I'll deal with them after the fact." Raven tilted her head suspiciously at Garrus, who seemed to be avoiding her gaze. "You didn't come all the way down here just to ask me that. Come on, what's up? Seriously."

"Well… Yeah. There's something else. I, uh…"

"Out with it, Dodo."

"I got offered a promotion and I took it," said Garrus finally.

"That's great! Finally moving up in the world, huh?" Raven flashed her friend a smug little grin. "We've gotta get Moonshine down to celebrate. How about—"

"It's not here, Rave. My new position, it's back home." Garrus flinched from his own words, as if not expecting to hear them come out of his beak. “I fly back to Griffonstone after the Gala.”

Words failed Raven at that moment. Obviously, she knew that Garrus’ time in Equestria was limited, given the nature of his employment at the castle, but even still she was blown away. For all the time she’d spent with Garrus, throughout all the shady reporters and disguised princesses, it felt as though Garrus had always been with her, and would always be with her. Of course, it was ridiculous for Raven to think that. She knew as much. Garrus was a good friend, of course, but he had to go home eventually. She knew this.

Then why was she so blindsided by it?

“Oh. I see.” Raven shook herself from her stupor, trying to keep her smile from slipping too far. “Well, that’s still great. I’m really happy for you.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you. Watching my back, keeping me out of trouble, helping me figure out what the heck I’m doing,” said Garrus, scratching a claw through his feathers. “You’re the best friend I ever had, and I wanted to thank you. For everything.”

“The pleasure was mine, Gary. I…” Raven surely had something to say. Something sarcastic, some piece of dry wit, some deflection or facade, and yet, nothing came out. She had nothing. “Wow. Sorry, I’m just… A little taken aback.”

“I’m sorry to just drop this on you in the middle of the day, but I thought you might want to know before… Well, the Gala is in a couple of days. I—”

Another flash of light put pause to the conversation, signaling the return of Harpy Inkwell and the princess. Harpy smirked in a very motherly, "I told you so" way at the two trying to return to business as usual, but her smile petered away when she made notice of Raven's expression. She used her magic to set down the dress box that she had carried in and, before even addressing her daughter, she turned to face Princess Celestia.

"Ah, Princess, I just recalled something personal I needed to discuss with my daughter." Harpy locked eyes with Celestia and gave a tiny nod, something the monarch immediately recognized as significant. "Would you mind giving us just a few moments?"

"You two may take all the time you need. Until then… Mr. Oak, was it?" Garrus nearly jumped out of his feathers at being addressed directly by royalty, but he recovered well enough. "Would you be so kind as to escort me to my study? It's not very far at all, but that Captain of yours seems to get very upset when I so much as visit the little filly's room alone."

"Captain Falchion takes his job very seriously," agreed Garrus. "Not to say that I don't… The study, was it? Right away, your majesty!" Garrus marched to the door and held it open for the princess, who exited with a little chuckle. Before leaving, Garrus paused to lock eyes with Raven one more time. "I'll see you later, Rave."

"I bet you will, Dodo," said Raven with a smile, a bit forced even for her. Garrus waved before departing, and Raven turned from the door to find herself face to face with her mother. Harpy didn't say anything, but she had that look in her eye. The look that said to Raven that, no matter what she wanted out of the situation, she was going to have to talk about it. "What?"

"Was going to ask you the same thing, Missy," said Harpy. She pulled up a chair and sat down, gesturing for Raven to join her. Begrudgingly, she did so, and for nearly a moment, the air was heavy with an awkward silence, until Harpy decided to speak up again. "We've talked about boundaries, and it's not my intention to overstep here. That being said, you are my daughter, and if you're upset, I'd like to know about it."

"I'm… I'm not upset."

"Missy, I may be getting old, but I'm not blind."

"No, no, I mean… upset isn't the word. I…" Raven sighed, burying her face in her hooves. "Gary's leaving soon. He got a promotion back home and he took it."

"Ah. I see." Harpy shimmied a bit closer to her daughter and, much to her relief, Raven did nothing to shimmy away. "This will be good for him."

"Yep. He's doing what he always wanted, he worked hard, and it's finally paying off."

"Right. And you should be happy for him."

"I am happy for him." There it was. Raven knew it was inevitable, but a lecture from Harpy was not what she needed right now. Then, in a move that she had never expected, Harpy sighed and leaned over to rest her head on Raven's shoulder.

"Yes, I'm sure you are," sighed Harpy. "So why the hell are we so sad?"

"We?"

"I'm projecting, Raven."

"Well, I don't know about you, but that sounds like progress to me."

"Hush, you. What I mean to say is that this is how I felt years and years ago, when your father told me he wanted to travel and perform," explained Harpy. "I'd seen him perform, and I saw how happy it made him. I saw how good it would be for him, but when he told me what he wanted to do… it hurt me."

"But that doesn't make any sense. He's not doing anything to hurt you, he's just living out his dream," said Raven. "Which hurts even more…"

"Exactly. To try to deny him of his dreams, just so that I don't feel sad, is selfish of me."

"Mh-hm. So what'd you do?"

"The wrong thing. Over and over, mistake after mistake. I dragged him down to Earth, forced him to be something he's not, and, when the chips were down and he chose between his own happiness and mine… he chose his," said Harpy. "I held him down. I crippled him. He gave me everything to make me happy, and I didn't give him anything in return." Harpy snorted, shaking her head. "If I were him, I'd leave too."

"No offense, Mom, but you trauma dumping onto me isn't exactly making me feel any better about losing my best friend."

"And that's exactly the problem. You're doing the opposite of what I did, but that's still not the right move." Harpy sat up, a strange sort of fire in her chest, and she firmly grabbed Raven by the hoof. Not aggressively, not possessively, but with passion, intent, and a ton of love. "Like I said, Raven, I'm not blind. I know that you feel something for this boy. You care about him a lot, and he cares about you. So why in the world are you planning to let him go?"

"Like you said, I can't try to stop him from doing what he loves," said Raven. "So what else can I do?"

"Think for a second. Search your heart. Imagine your life without him in it," said Harpy. "Imagine your world with no Garrus. Do you think you'd be happy?"

Raven pursed her lips, chewing on what her mother had said. It was a lot to take in, especially considering the source, but Raven thought it over nonetheless. A life without Garrus. The one person she could always count on. The one person shee knew for sure wouldn't judge her. The one person who accepted her, despite her rough edges—or perhaps even because of them.

"No," said Raven finally. Harpy grabbed the box with her magical aura and slowly floated it over to her daughter's lap. With an arched brow, Raven undid the packaging, raising the lid of the box to reveal its contents. A glittering sapphire dress sat upon a bed of velvet, a garment that Raven found strangely familiar. She pulled the dress from the box carefully, holding it up in front of herself to examine it. “Mom… Is this… yours?”

“If you can’t make him stay, and you can’t let him go, then there’s only one thing you can do.” Harpy stood up and headed for the door, while her daughter simply stared at the dress, deeply engrossed in thought. “Chase him down. Let him know what he means to you, what you’re willing to do to have him in your life. Don’t leave any regrets or what-ifs in your head. Go for it, Raven. For once in your life… Do what you want.”

Raven didn’t look up, listening to her mother’s departing hoofsteps as she considered everything she had before her. Gary’s departure, her mother’s advice, her own fears and insecurities, and, most of all, the beautiful blue dress in her hooves. She remembered this dress now. She remembered it in photos, pictures her father had shown her when she was younger. Some ball they had both attended, when they were first dating. Raven once asked when exactly the photo was from, and the only answer Harpy had ever given was “from happier times”.

No, Raven decided. She wouldn’t be like her mother. She wouldn’t even be like her father. Raven was going to do what Raven wanted, needed to do. She gave herself a little nod before carefully packing up the dress and returning the lid to the box. With her dress in tow, now all Raven had to do until the Gala was wait, and try to work up the necessary courage.

Raven looked up, a bit surprised to see her mother standing in the doorway, smirking in that smug way only Harpy was capable of.

“Well, since you seem to have made up your mind, if I can just make a request?” said Harpy with a grin. “Maybe don’t make me wait too long for some grandfoals?”

“Mom!”

“What? I’m not getting any younger!”

"Hey, Gary. Let's take a walk."

Raven set down her empty glass onto the tray of a passing server, beckoning for Garrus to join her. With a bit of an uncertain look, Garrus approached his "date", his good friend, and followed Raven through the crowd. The Grand Galloping Gala was in full swing, the party beloved by all in attendance. Even Raven didn't hate her time there. Funny what having a good friend around will do for one's enjoyment of an event.

The two walked through the crowd of partygoers, their destination becoming clear when Raven walked past the hors d'oeuvres and the punch bowl to one of the ballroom's exits. The pair spilled out into the night, into the lush garden of Castle Canterlot, allowing the cool breeze to wash over them. It was soothing, and helped the two not feel so terribly out of place in their formal attire. Raven would, preferably, never wear a dress again in her life, and though Garrus was used to prolonged time in uncomfortable suits, he'd happily trade in the itchy tux for his armor. At least the armor could block a hit or two if the party went south.

"It's nice out, huh?" remarked Garrus. Raven snickered, which immediately put the griffon slightly on edge. "What?"

"You're really talking about the weather?" snorted Raven. "You sound like such a dad."

"Well, it's true. It's nice out. It's the little things in life, you know?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I get that." Raven looked around and, upon deciding that the area was secluded enough, stopped amongst the meticulously kempt hedges. "I guess that's kinda what I wanted to talk about. Sort of."

"Something's on your mind?" asked Garrus. Raven didn’t say anything right away, and so Garrus slowly paced around her, gently reaching out a claw to rest on her shoulder. “Hey, you know I’d do anything for you, right? And if something’s bothering you…”

“Before I met you, I didn’t have any friends. I never really had friends, not even as a kid. I just didn’t get along with anyone. I guess because I’m so serious all of the time, and I’ve got a bit of a temper,” said Raven. She didn’t quite look at Garrus, seemingly absorbed in her own thoughts for a spell. “No one ever seemed to get me. And then you came along. You sat yourself down next to me during lunch, and you stood by me ever since. Never judging me, never quitting on me, never put off when I was a bit too… Well, ‘me’, you know?” Raven chuckled, shaking her head. “And all because I didn’t mind that your lunch stank to Tartarus and back.”

“Heh… Funny how that works, huh?” said Garrus with a chuckle. “All it took was a couple of dead mice and I’ve got me a friend for life.”

“Yeah… For life.”

“Oh. This is about me leaving, isn’t it?” Garrus sighed. “It wasn’t an easy decision. You know I love it here in Equestria, I’d give anything to stay. But I promise, I’ll keep in touch, and I don’t really plan to stay in Griffonstone. I’d like to have a place in Equestria.”

“That’s good. That’s really, really good. And don’t misunderstand me, Gary, I want you to take this promotion. I’m so proud of you, and I’m so happy that you’re finally getting what you deserve. I want you to go. But… I don’t want you to leave. And if you absolutely have to leave, then… I need to get this off of my chest.”

“Rave—”

“Just let me say this. I think you’re the nicest, most caring, most amazing guy I’ve ever known. You give me the strength to keep going because I know that no matter how bad of a day I have, at the end of it, I have you,” said Raven. “I’ve got someone there for me, ready to drop anything to pick me up. And I thought I could just be happy as friends, but then you told me you were leaving and I realized that being friends… Well, I want more than that. I don’t know what exactly ‘more’ means here, but even if you don’t, I just had to tell you or else I’d regret it forever. You’re my best friend, Gary, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But I’m nothing without you, and I—”

Later on, when pressed about the situation, Garrus would admit to not really having any recollection of acting. He couldn’t remember making a conscious decision to move. He knew about as much as Raven did at the time, and all Raven knew was that one moment, she was spilling her guts to her friend. The very next moment, she felt Garrus’ beak against her lips, his claws gently framing her face as he kissed her. The kiss was a moment, it was an eternity, it was over in a flash, and when they broke away, Raven had to adjust het glasses as she evaluated what just transpired.

“Shut up with that ‘nothing without you’ BS,” said Garrus, a strangely tender intensity behind his golden eyes. “Raven, you’re not ‘nothing’. You’re everything to me.”

Raven’s mouth gaped slightly, and she blinked once, twice, three times before grabbing Garrus by the wrist and slowly leading him away, much to the griffon’s general confusion.

“Uh… Raven?” said Garrus, a bit concerned that he may have overstepped his bounds. “Where are we going?”

“My apartment,” said Raven plainly.

“Oh. Uh… Why?”

“Because I’m going to rip that stupid tuxedo off of you with my teeth.”

“O-oh. Well, okay, won’t hear me complaining.”

The blare of Raven’s alarm clock cut through the quiet, peaceful morning until a hoof came down and silenced it. Raven yawned, reaching clumsily for her glasses on the nightstand. A little hum left her lips, much to her own surprise. Strangely, she felt good. Excellent, in fact. Well-rested and energized, and since she only had the one drink the previous night, with no hangover in sight. An excellent night of sleep, indeed.

Raven rolled over, eyes going wide when she saw Garrus sitting up in bed beside her, facing away from her as he woke up. Memories from the night before rushed back, making it incredibly clear why she really felt so good this morning; Turns out, it was an excellent night of more than just sleep.

“Morning,” said Garrus, just barely containing his chuckles. “You sleep okay?”

“That’s a way of saying it. Goddess, we really did it…” Raven sat up, a tiny smirk refusing to leave her face. “We skipped a few dates, but…”

“Heh. Well, we can make up for lost time on that front. Matter of fact…” Garrus stood up, peeling his tux from the floor and carefully folding it. “How about we go get some brunch? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

A very crass joke flashed into Raven’s mind but, in the interest of not having Garrus blush out of his feathers, she opted to keep it to herself.

“Sounds good to me. Come on, I’ll make some coffee and we can figure out where we’re going.”

Raven and Garrus set off out of Raven’s bedroom, giggling like a pair of schoolgirls as they did so. Raven figured she should have been embarrassed, but, somehow, she wasn’t. Something about Garrus made her feel at ease, and sharing a night with him felt both strange, but right. Like it was just waiting to happen.

“Damn, it’s kinda a shame we waited so long,” said Garrus.

“Hm? How do you mean?”

“Well, I’d hate for last night to be a one-off. And I kinda got the same vibe from you.” Raven nodded her agreement, which was certainly a relief to Garrus. “And if I’m leaving soon… I mean, I know I said I’d keep in touch, but it’d be a while before I could visit. With your job, I don’t imagine you’d be able to just fly over to Griffonstone, either.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, actually. I think I have an idea, but it’s a bit of a gamble,” said Raven as the two entered the kitchen. “But we can talk about it more over coffee.”

“Alright, I’m down for a talk,” said Garrus with a nod. “We, uh, didn’t have much time for that last night, huh?”

“If you’re making coffee, I take mine black.”

Raven froze, her head slowly creaking in the direction of her living room. As if to prove, definitively, that there was no true God that cared for Raven, she found that she and Garrus were not alone; Sitting on the back of the sofa (with her hooves on Raven’s cushions, no less), and crunching noisily on a bowl of chips and guacamole, was the last person—short of her own mother, of course—that Raven would want to see in this particular situation.

“Morning, lovebirds. Oh, Inkwell, you need more avocados, by the way,” said Luna, shoving a hoofful of chips into her maw. “I woke up with a craving, I used the last of them to make this guac.”

“Luna, I ask this as calmly and rationally as I can equinely manage,” said Raven, her heart not even twitching in her chest. “Why are you in my house?!”

“Told my sister I had ‘important business’ to deal with, to get out of The Gala. So I ended up crashing here last night.” Luna shrugged, as if she had been caught stealing leftovers, rather than breaking and entering. “I teleported in maybe five minutes before you two came in.”

“And you didn’t say anything?!”

“You seemed preoccupied. I didn’t want to intrude, so I just ducked down and slept on your couch.” Luna looked past Raven and shot a smirk at Garrus, who seemed to be taking the situation a lot better than Raven. “Good work, Griffon. Based on how much noise you two made last night, maybe I was a little too quick to judge you. If you still want to buy me that drink…”

“Sorry, Moonshine,” said Garrus with a shrug. “I think I’m committed for now.”

“I am mortified,” croaked Raven.

“Yeah, and I’m starving. I heard we were doing brunch,” said Luna, using her magic to return her guac to Raven’s fridge. “Where we eating?”

Raven knew that intimate encounters with close friends typically ended in regret, but this wasn’t what she had come to expect at all.

“Forget coffee. I need a Bloody Mary,” sighed Raven. “Come on, put your Moonshine on. Let’s go eat.”

“And that’s everything for today, your majesty.”

Princess Celestia nodded her understanding, watching as Raven checked the last item off on her list and carefully furled the parchment into a roll. A short, simple day of work today, made all the easier by Raven’s expertise and professionalism. It was good seeing Raven in a good mood, as far as the princess could see. She seemed quite content ever since The Gala a few weeks ago, and while Celestia certainly had theories as to why, she kept such conjecture to herself.

“Another day, come and gone,” said Princess Celestia with a smille. Raven nodded her agreement, as she stuffed her scroll into her saddlebag. “Thank you, my dear, you were excellent today. As you always are, of course.”

“Thank you, your highness. That means a lot to me.” Raven paused a beat, before stepping closer to her princess. “Princess Celestia? Could we perhaps have a chat?”

“But of course, my dear. Is there something wrong?”

“Not counting two years as a lawyer, this is the only real job I’ve ever had. Your advisor. That’s what I am, that’s what I always was, and that’s what I’ll always be,” said Raven. “And, if I may say so, I’m good at my job. Very good.”

“That, my dear, is putting it mildly,” said Celestia with a nod. “You’re the greatest Advisor I’ve ever had.”

“Since I was a kid, when I was in college, even that little stint as a lawyer, I knew this was where I’d end up. It’s the Inkwell’s destiny to serve as Royal Advisor, and I’m eternally grateful for every kindness you’ve ever extended to me during my career.” None of this was necessarily easy for Raven to say, but she soldiered forth regardless. “Whatever I needed, if my mother couldn’t provide, you would make sure I got my hooves on it somehow. When my mother wasn’t well, you made sure I was taken care of. When my parents split, you checked in on me. You, the sole ruler of a sovereign nation, took the time out of your day to ensure that a little filly didn’t go to bed crying, and that kindness was never lost on me.”

“It was nothing, Raven. No trouble at all. And, respectfully, I don’t think you did all of this just to extol any previous acts of kindness.” Celestia leveled her gaze at Raven and, with a knowing smile, nodded. “Go on, Raven. What’s eating at you?”

“It’s the Inkwell’s destiny to serve as Royal Advisor,” said Raven again. “And, respectfully… After all these years, I think I’ve done my part for that destiny. I think it’s time that I stop worrying so much about the Inkwell’s destiny and start worrying about Raven’s destiny. I thank you for everything you’ve done for me, and I wish you nothing but the best, but… This is my resignation.”

Raven had expected any number of reactions from Princess Celestia. A warm, kind, loving smile was not among those expectations.

“I’m glad you’re doing something for yourself, my dear. Though you will be missed, I support your decision,” said Celestia with a smile. “I’m happy for you.”

“Oh. I… I was sort of expecting you to try and convince me to stay.”

“Perhaps your resignation speech is confirmation bias, but it seems you weren’t terribly happy in my employ. I want you to be happy. And if you think that you’ll be happier elsewhere, I will do everything I can to help you get there. Harpy can take over your duties until we find a full-time replacement, but I see no reason to contest your desire to move on,” Celestia chuckled, narrowing her gaze a bit. “Or did you want me to talk you out of it? Perhaps some cold hooves?”

“No, no, I’ve made my mind up. It’s just… I’m not used to this,” admitted Raven. “Going against what's expected of me. Making a decision that I don’t have to justify.”

“You’ve always had good judgement, Raven. I trust that you’ll do great things. Though, I admit, I am a bit curious… What shall you do, if not act as my Advisor?”

Raven reached into her saddlebag and approached the princess in her throne. From the depths of the bag, Raven withdrew a stack of papers, neatly bound together by a spiral. She handed over the papers to Celestia, who looked it over with a bemused smirk.

“A play?” said Celestia quizzically.

“Musical, to be more specific. The story portion, I finished a while ago. Now, I’m going to do some traveling, study music a bit, and turn it into a musical,” explained Raven. “It's a big change, but this… This is what I’ve always wanted to do. This is what I’ve always been too scared to do. This is me.”

“And when it’s ready, I shall be the first in line to see it,” said Celestia with a smirk. She flipped through the manuscript, very clearly impressed. More than just that, there was pride in Celestia’s eyes. “Hm… It’s a romance?”

“I’m saying romantic-dramedy. A lonely office worker has a midlife crisis, quits her job with her best friend, and tries to live her life as the adventure she always wanted it to be.” Raven chuckled, shaking her head. “It’s a little cheesy, I know, but there’s a lot of passion behind it. A lot of 'Raven Inkwell' on the page. I think it’ll really resonate because of that.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second. I know how you feel about this sort of thing, but if you need anything at all to make your project a success…”

“I’ll write you a letter immediately, your highness. Thank you, again,” said Raven. She turned and waved, strutting purposefully to the exit. “If you’ll forgive me, I have to go. I have a flight in the morning, and I still need to get ready.”

“Of course. You will be missed, my dear, but I wish you all the best." Celestia watched as Raven departed before her unbound curiosity took hold of her. "Raven, wait!” Raven paused, looking up at her princess, her former boss, and matched the alicorn’s smile. “I just have to know. Your musical. Do you have a working title?”

Raven laughed, continuing on her way out of the throne room, before calling out over her shoulder.

“I’m thinking I’ll call it Nothing Without Me.”

Author's Note

This story is dedicated to everyone who stood by it, and me, even when I gave you no incentive to do so. You guys believed in me when even I didn't believe in me.

There's one of you in particular (you know who you are), that if it wasn't for you, this story wouldn't be here. Neither would I.

Wherever you are, bud, just know... this story would be Nothing Without You.