"Good morning campers!" A young redheaded man greeted the group of kids that stood in front of him, gaining a "fuck off" from one of them in the crowd. Ignoring the voice, David continued "today we are going to learn the concept of-" he struck a pose that was meant to be dramatic and cool, but to Max it just looked stupid "-invention!"
At this, the boy beside Max, Neil, looked up, eyes wide. "Follow me, kids!" David, AKA, the bane of Max's fucking life cried out, before skipping off, with the group trailing behind. Neil looked like he just might explode from excitement. "This is it!" He said, hopping from foot to foot as he walked beside Max's other friend, Nikki. "This is the day I've been waiting for!"
"Don't be so naive" Max grunted, glancing at his tall friend. "Best case scenario? We're all forced into child labor and made to make shoes" he paused for a moment, deep in thought "or calculators. It's a toss up." Not even Max's words could dampen the nerd however, who simply snorted, then took off, leaving Max and Nikki in the dust.
Inside the main cabin, scraps of rusted metal lay scattered on the table."Are you ready to get creative?" David gushed. "That depends. Are you ready to get a tetanus shot?" Max asked, eyeing the rusted metal warily. "Yes!" Neil cried, rushing forwards, and running his hand lovingly over the supplies. "I'm home" he whispered.
"Nerd" Nerf said loudly, but Neil ignored him, instead sitting down and fiddling with the metal. "Yay! Arts and crafts!" Nikki cheered, sliding in beside him. Max followed slowly after them, glaring at David all the while as he slid in to the other side of Neil as other campers reluctantly followed him.
Ten Minutes Later . .
David bounded around the room, with Gwen plodding along behind him, examining each work carefully, and giving positive comments about all of them. "Wow, Nerf" he praised enthusiastically, eyeing the bullies invention. "It's great! What is it?" Nerf glared up at him. "Don't you know what a knife is, you retard?"
Smile dropping a tiny bit, David's eyes darted around nervously. "I uh- I- Oh look at Neil's!" He said, rushing over to the table where the three misfits sat alone. Despite being very popular at the camp, Max made it clear that this was their table, and the only people allowed sit on it where those three, lest they face a pissed off boy who has shown more than once to have no qualms about killing.
Sitting in front of Neil was a small electrical orb. Max, who was spending his time memorizing any and all trail routes leading in and out of this shit infested hell hole, stared at the sphere. "Where did you get electricity?" He asked, before squinting at it once more. "Actually, fuck that, where did you get glass in this shape?"
Neil smirked. "I have my ways" he said, tapping the edge of his nose. "He stole Gwen's crystal ball" Nikki informed Max cheerfully, as she glued more metal together to make . . . whatever the hell she was making. "You did what?!" Gwen screamed, marching up to a frozen Neil, and grabbing him by the collar. "Tell me you didn't. Tell me for the love of your own life, that you didn't!"
"He did" Nikki said, enjoying the drama immensely. It reminded her how wolves fought over the dead carcass of a deer. "Come on Gwen! Turn that frown upside down!" David chirped, trying to diffuse the situation. "Fuck off!" she yelled back, shaking Neil as she did so.
Startled, Neil dropped the ball, which fell to the floor with a crack. Everyone watched with bated breath for it to break, but nothing happened. "Oh thank christ" Gwen muttered, bending down to pick it up. As she was lifting it, however, she accidentally tapped it against the table. Instantly the glass broke and shattered.
"Oh, you've gotta be shiting me" she muttered, only for her eyes to widen as the electricity- if that was what it was- rose up and circled around her,David,Max,Neil and Nikki. Before the other campers eyes, the five rose into the air, and glowed for a few seconds, before vanishing with a bright light.
Nikki woke up under a tree next to a forest. "That . ." She processed everything that had happened for a few seconds, before her face split into a huge grin "- was Awesome!" She leaped up, ready to go find the others, only to face plant the ground. Hard.
Surprised, she lifted her arms, ready to pull herself up, when she noticed. She had fur. And it was the color of pink. Is this it? She wondered. Am I in purgatory, getting equal parts heaven and hell? She examined her arms for a second. Wait a minute . . .
Nikki's pink eyes widened in realization. These are hooves! I'm a horse! In a most un- Nikki way, she carefully used her limbs to stand on all fours. She straightened up and took a step . . . only to fall flat on her face once more. The next time, however, she was able to walk, albeit very wobbly.Nikki spotted a river nearby and trotted towards it. Glancing into it, she couldn't help but let out a small squee of excitement.
Her fur was the same color as her skin tone, and though it should be worrying that she was missing her clothes, Nikki had more than once gone buck naked, so she could be more in tune with the animals. Her hair color was the same, but for some reason she had a tattoo of a wolves paw on either sides of her hips, both the color of her mane.
"Oh . . . hello there, little filly. Are you lost? Or was I . . . interrupting something?" Nikki turned around to see a graceful yellow pony with a pink mane, and a butterfly tattoo. Wait were those . . "Are those wings?" Nikki blurted, pointing at the appendages.
The yellow pegasus blushed lightly. "Well . . . I . . Yes, yes they are. Where are your parents, little filly?" Nikki turned her eyes away from the wings to answer with "my names Nikki! And my parents sent me here for the summer! What's your name?"
"Fluttershy" the words were soft, but Nikki could hear them well enough. "But where's your camp exactly?" Fluttershy asked, tilting her head. "I don't know!" She shrugged cheerfully, but Fluttershy frowned. "Oh my. You better come with me."
The first thing Neil woke to was a purple, furry face inches from his. "AAAAAH!" He screamed, throwing himself backwards in time to see a purple . . pony? As if that wasn't weird enough, it had wings and a horn. "Hello there" it said, cocking it's head to the side.
"AH! YOU CAN TALK!" Neil screamed, jabbing a hand at her, only to feel his eyes widen when he saw that he now had hooves for appendages. "AH!" He screamed, turning around to see a full body mirror. Standing in front of it was the strange winged unicorn and a tall, gangly unicorn, with a science beaker tattoo, a curly mane and tail and . . completely naked.
"Are you . . . . done?" The creature asked, purple eyes darting between Neil and the exit. Neil wasn't paying attention. Instead he was throwing his memory as far back as he could, searching for any answers. When he remembered the energy released from the ball, he gasped. The energy from the ball must of have teleported them into another dimension!
Alright, Neil, act casual. "I am so sorry, my name is Neil, what's yours?" The purple creature, now identified as a mare, raised an eyebrow. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, co ruler of Equestria, our home. You want to explain how you don't know me, or why you were screaming at me a few seconds ago?"
Neil cleared his throat awkwardly. "It's a long story" he said.
Gwen had died and gone to heaven. She didn't know why she wasn't in hell, but she wasn't complaining. She woke up surrounded in white fluffy clouds. She sighed, before stretching luxuriously and flapping her . . wings? Whipping her head around, Gwen saw that she was covered in brown fur, and sprouting out of her ribs were a pair of feathery wings.
I was wrong. I'm in hell she thought, as she folded, and unfolded them repeatedly, before noticing her Twilight tattoo had been replaced by a book with a heart cover on it. Panicking, Gwen galloped around the room frantically, before potting a mirror. She shoved it inches from her face and groaned. "Of fucking course" she muttered.
Even though her hair eye and body color was the same, she now was a pony? With wings? Most people would panic and start to freak out, instead Gwen just trotted over to a magazine near a cloud couch and started reading it.
"Uh, what are you doing in my house?" A voice from behind her spoke up. Calmly, Gwen turned her head to look at the other winged pony standing in the cloud. . house? Gwen gave her a once over. Seemed decent enough but first . . .
"Are you gay?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to stare at the other pony, who blushed furiously, before snapping "no!" Gwen lifted her front hooves in a calming gesture. "Hey, I'm not here to judge" she assured the one she was now referring to as The Lesbian. Capital T and L.
The Lesbian's face was almost completely red. "I'm not gay!" She shouted, stomping a hoof. "Why would you even think that?!" Gwen turned her attention back to the magazine. "Honestly? The hair. What kind of straight person dies their hair rainbow?"
"Okay one" Rainbow Dash blustered, still blushing uncontrollably. "My mane is naturally this color. And two" she crossed the room in the time it took Gwen to blink, pinning the dark pegasus down. Kinky, Gwen thought, grinning. "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?" She paused for a moment. "And what's a person?"
"My name is Prostitute" Gwen said sarcastically, only to see the confused look on Rainbow's face. "What, they don't have prostitutes here? Man, the boy population are really missing out. I don't know how I got into your house, and people are literal satan. Never trust them."
"What do you mean you don' know how you got into my house?" Rainbow Dash started to put pressure on Gwen's throat, and it was actually starting to hurt. Gwen felt a snarl form on her face. She was a counselor for Camp Campbell. She faced down people tougher and hardier than this lesbian for breakfast. And she was not going to take any more of this.
Acting fast, Gwen swept Rainbow Dash's hooves out from under her, kicked her in the stomach, sending her flying backwards, flapped her new wings until she was airborne, and bicycle kicked the pegasus into the cloud floor.
Gwen landed beside the unconscious pegasus, before spitting on her body and trotting out the door. "Bitch" she muttered as she left.
David woke up in the middle of a bakery, to see a pink thing standing over him. Looking up, he saw a pink pony smiling down at him. He pulled himself backwards, eyeing the blurry thing warily. "Max?" He called suspiciously. "Did you put something in my espresso again?"
The pink thing appeared inches away from him. "Hi! My names Pinkie Pie! But you can call me Pink, The Pink, Miss Pie, or, the Bestest Friend you will ever have!" She punctuated this fast paced greeting by throwing her hooves around David and pulling him into a hug. Pinkie Pie? Like from the TV show?
"My names David--" Pinkie gasped at this new information, and nodded eagerly for him to go on. "I don't suppose you have a mirror?" Pinkie dragged the pegasus to a mirror decorated with candy. David looked at himself, and felt a grin begin to split his face.
His hair and body color were the same, but now he was a pegasus, with a guitar cutie mark with a heart behind it. Spinning around, David beamed at the pink pony. "Pleasure to meet you, My Bestest Friend I Will Ever Have! My names David!" Pinkie glanced at his cutie mark before grinning right back. "Do you like songs?"
"Do I!" David chirped, pulling his guitar out from God Knows Where. "Do you want to hear Camp Campbell's theme song?" He asked her seriously. Just as serious, Pinkie leaned forwards and nodded. Leaning back, David strummed the guitar and began to sing.
"Ooooooooooooh!"
Max woke up just in time to face off against the giant fucking wooden wolf.
He was surrounded by apple trees, which didn't make sense. There was no apple trees anywhere near Camp Campbell. Has God finally answered my prayers and teleported me away from that shit infested fuck fest? And then the wolf came in.
The second it's weird eyes fell on Max, it lunged for him. On instinct alone, he turned and ran, dodging through apple tree's and jumping over logs. Wait a fucking minute, he glanced down, why am I running on all fours? That's when he noticed the brownish-orange fur covering his body. He was so surprised, he stumbled, which turned out to be a huge mistake.
The wooden wolf pinned him down. Max struggled, but it was too large and too strong. The wolf threw back it's head and howled, from the sounds of it, calling for it's pack. But seriously, did a wolf shag a tree? Was this how it happened?
"Hey! You!" A southern voice called, and Max craned his head back far enough to see a yellow pony wearing a pink bow standing on top of what looked like a clubhouse. "Yes?!" He screamed back. The wolf seemed confused, darting it's eyes between the prey beneath it's paws, or the filly on the roof.
"Need some help?" Max couldn't help but roll his eyes. "I'd appreciate it!" He yelled back. "Okay, ah'll go get mah sis!" The sound of hooves hitting the ground made it clear that she was indeed running away. "Your a unicorn! If you know any magic to keep him at bay, use it!"
Unicorn? You gotta be kidding me? Am I going to poop out rainbows or something? He thought, before coming aware of the extra appendage on his body. How do you work? He asked it quietly, but he was out of time. More of those wolves had come, and the lead wolf snarled at him, before biting down on empty air.
Max had vanished in a flash of light similar to his eye color, only to reappear on top of the weird clubhouse thing. The wolf things circled him from down below, snarling. Max rolled his eyes, before leaping off the roof and into the mob, preparing to cast another spell.
Princess Celestia's and Princess Luna's heads jerked up as one. "Is something wrong, auntie?" Princess Cadence asked, looking up at the two elder Gods, who simply exchanged a nervous glance.
"Cadence, you know how I once told you that Princess Twilight was the most powerful unicorn in all of history?" Celestia asked slowly. "And that she would never be usurped, yes. Why?" Cadence looked between them.
"She's just been usurped" Luna said nervously.
Apple Bloom, Applejack and Big Mac all stared open mouthed at the battle in front of them. No, it wasn't even a fight. It was a massacre.
The unicorn colt, who Apple Bloom had found kind of cute in a scrawny sort of way, with his black mane and dark brown coat, but with jade green eyes, was laying waste to the timberwolves that had just tried to kill him.It was only then that Apple Bloom noticed his cutie mark, a star surrounded by a magic wisp. He was a powerful mage.
And he certainly proved it, teleporting in and out, casting shield spells, creating laser beams, even levitating himself briefly. It was strangely majestic to watch, like watching ballet.
Once all the timberwolves had been destroyed, the unicorn colt turned around, only to spot the three gaping Apple Siblings. "What?" He asked, before face planting the ground.
The Wilderness and Science
Nikki fell into step beside Fluttershy as they trotted up to the pegasus' cottage. "So . . is this your house?" She asked. Fluttershy ducked her head awkwardly. "Um, yes" she mumbled, glancing at the filly nervously. "You can stay here until we find your camp. That is" she added hurriedly. "If you want to. If you don't, I understand."
Fluttershy pushed the door open, and a cacophony of noises assaulted Nikki's ears. "Ooops, sorry about that!" Fluttershy squeaked, blushing with a small smile. "They can be loud at times!" They? Peeking in, Nikki grinned in an almost creepy way.
Fluttershy's house was filled with animals both carnivore and herbivore. "This. Is. Amazing!" Nikki cried, jumping inside, and hopping in circles. "Hey, what's outside?" She asked, already throwing open the back door. "No!" Fluttershy yelled, flying out after her, only to stop just outside the door.
A badly injured timberwolf pack had just wandered near her cottage, and Fluttershy was trying to nurse them back to health. But they were still timberwolves, and would not hesitate to eat a filly like Nikki. She had expected to have to try and save the filly.
Instead the timberwolves were lying on their backs, a gesture of complete submission, as Nikki stood stiff legged in front of them. She gave a light howl, and they all rose up as one, though they still whimpered when she snarled at them. That was the first time Fluttershy noticed the wolf paw on the fillies rump.
Spinning around, Nikki spotted the wide eyed Fluttershy, and smiled, leaning back on her haunches to wave at her as she was surrounded by wooden wolves. "Hey Flutters!" She cried. "Wanna meet my new friends?"
"Well?" Twilight asked, as she levitated- levitated!- some hot chocolate towards Neil, who smiled and blew on it experimentally. "Huh?" Neil glanced up at the alicorn. "Oh, right, well, I was making this device back at my summer camp, which broke, and from what I can tell, turned me, and possibly others into ponies and transported us into this dimensions!"
THUMP!
Neil eyed the unconscious Princess, unamused. "Pussy" he muttered, before taking another long drink of the amazing hot chocolate. "Twilight, are you-" a creature skidded into the room, only to stop dead and stare at Neil. "Who are you?"
Neil took one last calm drink of chocolate, before slamming it down on the table. "You've got to be fucking joking!" He yelled, slamming his hoof against the table, annoyed, and upsetting his beverage. "A fucking talking iguana?!" He screamed at the sky, gesturing towards Spike. "Do you hate me?! Is that it?!"
"I'm not an iguana!" Spike said, puffing out his chest in annoyance. "My names Spike. Spike the Dragon." Neil snorted, rolling his eyes. "And that's sooooooo much better" he mocked. "What kind of name is Spike the Dragon, anyways? Is your middle name the?" He leaned forwards, putting on a sympathetic face. "Did your mommy hate you?"
Spike blew fire out of his nostrils, but before he could elicit a response, Neil stood up. "No, don't answer that. I'm going for a walk. When magical talking horse there wakes up, tell her that I've gone for a walk." And with that, one of the smartest brains in the history of the world, who was currently suffering some sort of breakdown, trotted out of the castle and into Ponyville.
"And that's Lyra and Bon Bon!" Pinkie finished, pointing at the two mares sitting on a bench. Pinkie had decided to help David meet everypony in Ponyville. "Hi!" David waved a hoof, gaining a cheerful and friendly response Everybod- Oops, I mean everypony here is so nice!. He enthused to himself.
"This is fucking bullshit!" A voice cried. A very familiar voice cried. David spun around to see a young unicorn colt on some kind of breakdown. "Neil?!" David asked, galloping up to the unicorn, who stared at him for a few seconds, before groaning. "Great. Just great. Like my day couldn't get any worse!" Neil rubbed his horn angrily.
"Neil, have you met Pinkie Pie? I know your going to get along just great!" David enthused, only for Pinkie to appear and shove her face so close their muzzles were touching. "My names Pinkie Pie, but you can call me-"
BAM!
Pinkie stumbled back, clutching her bloody nose. "Neil! Why would you do that?!" David cried, inspecting the damage. "Uh, stranger danger? Personal Space? Keeping my virginity on lock down?" Neil offered with a shrug.
"Neil, do you know why we're here?" David asked. Neil sighed, before trotting away from the streets. "Walk with me. Alone" he slipped on shades, with David following behind. "Are you sure that Pinkie can't be here?"Neil glanced at him, though it was hard to see from the glasses covering his eyes. "Who?"
"Oh, she's my new friend! She was the pink pony you thought was a prostitute and knocked out! She's really nice! We have so much in common!" Neil whipped his head around so fast, his glasses fell off his face.
"Does she like singing songs?"
"Yep!"
"Fun activities?"
"You betcha!"
"Making friends?"
"And who doesn't?"
"Faces every way with optimism?"
"Yes!"
Neil rolled his eyes. "If Max is in this dimension, he cannot meet her" he said, starting to walk once more. "Why not?" David asked. The unicorn didn't look back as he said "because if so, odds are Max will kill himself."
Rainbow Dash's house was exactly why Gwen was calling her 'The Lesbian.' She bet that if she stabbed the clouds, they would bleed gay- I mean rainbow.
Cloudsdale wasn't much better. What kind of name was that? What was a dale? The other ponies looked like a rainbow and a horse banged. It was kind of creepy really, especially with the way the all greeted each other with smiles on their faces.
She had to get directions from a wall eyed pegasus who could only be bribed in muffins. She had hit a new low in her life when she was getting directions from a creature that couldn't even see straight.
Right now Gwen was staring down from the edge of one of the clouds, mentally measuring the drop before dive bombing to the ground. The wind practically ripped her hair right out of it's roots as she plummeted. Blinking the tears from her eyes, Gwen saw that she ground was much closer than she thought, and if she didn't stop soon, all that would be left was a smear on the ground.
Panicking, she threw out her wings, curving her hooves closer to her body. The effect was instantaneous; she jolted to a stop centimeters above the grassy field, feeling like she had just been punched in the stomach from stopping so quickly.
Gwen raised an eyebrow as she surveyed the area. As mentioned before, she was in a grassy field. The grass was so high that it was taller than her, except for a small area around her. Gwen was going so fast, and had stopped so suddenly that there was a perfect twenty meter circle surrounding her.
"Huh" she said, before shrugging and trotting off, feeling like her wings, which were throbbing lightly, could use a break. A nice long break.
Unknown to the girl, high up in the clouds, somepony was watching her. . .
"So . . your telling me, this colt" Scootaloo waved a dismissive hoof at Max, who still had not woken up after he had passed out. "Took down a pack of timberwolves?"
Apple Bloom frowned, not sure if she liked her friends tone. "Yes, he did" she said defensively. "Why? Do ya not believe me?" The other two stared at each other for a few seconds, before Sweetie Belle turned to the earth pony. "It's not that we don't believe you, exactly" she ventured. "It just does sound a bit . . . far fetched, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, I mean, look at him" Scootaloo said, pointing at the colt. The three eyed the smaller than average colt with the messy mane and tail. "What about him?" Apple Bloom demanded, eyes narrowing. "He's kind of. . . you know, scrawny?" Scootaloo finished after a slight pause.
"So? Applejack and Big Mac both saw it too!" The yellow filly said, twisting her mouth slightly in anger. "Didn't you Big Mac?" The gentle giant was leaning over the prone figure that was lying on some hay. "Eeeyup" he said, before throwing some water onto Max's face.
The stunning mountain meadow eyes shot open, just in time to see a giant red creature hoovering over him. Ylping, Max telekinetically threw the farm pony across the barn and through one of the walls. "Big Mac!" Apple Bloom cried, spinning around to stare at the jagged hole. "Are you all alright?" She called when Big Mac's head appeared in the gaping mouth. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeyup!" He called back.
Scootaloo turned back to Apple Bloom, and rested her chin on her hooves. "So, really powerful magician, you say?"
Uh, I feel like that one time I drank from Gwen's special flask Max groaned, placing a hand to his hand. "That was highhandedly the most fucked up dream I ever had" he announced blithely. "I mean unicorns, wolves from wood, and, I" he caught sight of his arm. His furry arm. "Oh you've gotta be fuckin' kidding me" he sighed.
"Your awake!" A squeaky voice said, and a white face suddenly appeared inches away from Max's own. Max raised an eyebrow "do you mind?" He asked, and the face pulled back to reveal a grey unicorn with purple and pink hair. "So, you really took down an entire pack of timberwolves?" An orange pegasus with purple hair asked grinning.
"Is that what their called? God that's stupid" Max shook his head, before frowning at the unicorn, who was now standing next to the the yellow one he had seen before."Hey, what's with your voice? Your a little young for puberty, aren't you?" All three of the ponies- Max couldn't believe he was actually seeing this- stared at him. "What's puberty?"
"Well, when a man- mare and stallion bang . . . "
Max was dragged out of the barn, mentally owing as the orange mare that the one named Apple Bloom had called Applejack dragged him away from the now traumatized trio that had (loudly) introduced themselves as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, yay.
"They asked" he said in his defense, jerking out of the orange mares grasp. Applejack simply glared. Oh, so that's how it's going to be. Max glared back, amping it up with all his training from being around David. Applejack glanced down, and Max smirked victoriously. "Ah'm calling yer parents" she snapped.
Max laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah you do that. In the meantime, wheres the town?" A little confused, Applejack hesitantly pointed the way. "Thanks dipshit" he said, before teleporting carelessly away.
Max overshot his teleportation just a teeny bit, accidentally landing on the top of a mountain. It overlooked the weird apple farm, though, and as he stared down, a shit eating grin settled on his face.
Meanwhile Applejack was finishing up carrying in the carts of apples so she could go ask around town about the origins of this 'Max' fellow, when she spotted it.
A certain unicorn has laser beamed a drawing into one of the apple fields. A drawing that looked suspiciously like a dick. "Gosh darnit" she muttered, throwing her hat down onto the ground. "Apple Bloom! Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo!" She called, and the three stumbled out.
"I want you to stay away from this Max fellow" she told them sternly. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle both nodded meekly, but Apple Bloom frowned up at her sister. "No!" She said. Applejack drew back, shocked. "What did you just say to me, filly?" She asked, pulling on her most responsible voice.
"Ah said no!" Apple Bloom stomped a hoof. "I like him! He's actually kind of funny! And he's interesting!"She stomped off. Sweetie, Scootaloo and Applejack all stared after her. "Why is she so defensive of the new colt?" Scootaloo wondered.
While both Applejack and Scootaloo looked confused, Sweetie rubbed her face wearily. "I'll tell you two when your older" she said, before trotting away.
