The Fakeicorn

Chapter 3

Strange Exams and Meeting Guards

----One Week Later----

Seems like the less I think about everything, the faster the world spins, so I've stopped all conscious thought in the hopes that everything was some acid trip with my friends and i'll wake up on the floor and in my own vomit one morning. Yet it seems like everything is in fact real and I'm not dreaming, hell Princess Luna even reassures me I'm awake.

Its been a long week. Bed-rest is never as fun as it sounds. Therapy three times a day, prescription painkillers, and not being able to move around mostly by myself. I am finally able to walk on my own but I can't run at all, I'll fall on my face rather quickly. Trotting is alright but I'll get tired if I'm up and walking around too much. Thankfully I don't need the wheelchair nor a cane, honestly a cane on a pony is rather odd. Poppy seed has been such a big help and I'll need to find some way to repay her for putting up with me. I may seems like a dick at times but I do pay my debts and repay those who I owe, its a part of my moral system. But dammit everyone else is slightly annoying. Especially Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Ever since my first official day here they like to poke fun at me, mostly Rainbow Dash but Twilight will poke a little fun. She's the cute nerd so I won't get onto her for it but Dash, that's a whole another story.

She even tried to push me down the stairs in my wheelchair after I told her about the times I'd ride down a hill in a shopping cart. So fuck you Rainbow Dash for that. I'm surprised that Princess Celestia hasn't given me that 'Talk' that she wanted before. Maybe she was just surprised at first then let it slide. Never did actually spend much time with the rest of the Mane Six though. Actually they left Canterlot a few days after I met them, but Twilight and Rainbow Dash stayed behind to help me learn to walk, which apparently requires me to shoved down the stairs while in a seated position, I'll get her back for that...Kyra ALWAYS gets even. But its been a slow uneventful week. I'm still getting random headaches though, talked to the Doctor but he couldn't give me much more advice than take some painkillers when it gets really bad, I'm just afraid I'll get dependent on them if keep taking more and more when they come around.

Also I found out that hoofs work mysteriously like hands when it comes to using things like TV remotes, controllers, phones, you get the point. I have no clue how or why but I'm not going to question it as long as I'm able to keep playing my video games I'll keep quiet about it. But I have no magic yet, it hasn't manifested yet, and from what both Twilight and Celestia have said, it should start to show. My wings have become more flexible and sensitive, leading to some more awkward moments between Poppy and I.

There's a knock on my door and Poppy goes to answer it and I advert my eyes from my phone to the door. I've found out that some parts of Equestrian internet is just as fucked up as Earth Internet. Violence is down slightly but sex and very very provocativeness is up very much. Sex is surprisingly very casual, probably because most of everyone is naked, mainly stallions to be honest.

"Krya, are you ready for your appointment?" Fuck another one?

"Ugh, fine, hold on." I set my phone down and slide off the bed, careful not to fall on my face. Okay when no girls are around I've gotta talk to the doctor about something. I follow Poppy out of the room and my mind immediately wanders away again. But what's actually got me wondering is why I've seen mares wearing like panties or something. Like they're the same color as their fur but still mares are wearing cloths while stallions, I guess that makes me one too now, we all free ball. The halls become familiar as I'm lead back to the hospital area of the castle. Soon we enter the doctor's office."Appointment for Kyra." Poppy goes up to the receptionist. One sign in later and I'm right back where I started, again.

"Aren't we waiting for the nurse to take my blood pressure or something?"

"No we're skipping that today since we got that yesterday. Today we're testing your range of motion and a general physical. The Doctor should be in soon. And if you want I can step out when the rest of the physical starts." I just give her the biggest turn stare from my spot on the hospital bed.

"Its gonna be one of THOSE physicals??" Poppy just shrugs.

"Sorry doctor's orders. Just be glad you're not getting a prostate exam, well scratch that, you probably would be glad about that." Don't punch the nurse, don't punch the nurse. She just gives me a smirk and looks away. I just shake my head, you don't help Poppy, you don't help. Within five minutes there's a knock at the door and the very same Doctor that's been treating me since I've got here.

"Well it seems like we're becoming fast friends, Kyra." He's got a clipboard and a cup of coffee with him. He gives me a smirk and I glare at him.

"You wanna be in the same boat as her?" I point a hoof at Poppy."She's getting on my nerves already, so not test me today."

"Your head hurt today? Or are you just moody? But either way I'm glad to see you moving around without the help of a wheelchair. Now I assume that Poppy Seed has told you what you're in for today?"

"Yeah for the most part. Lets just get this over with." I groan. Doc nods, I still don't know his name so Doc would suit him just fine, and he walks over to the bed I'm sitting on and starts the exam."Okay arms up and out." I put my arms out and Doc takes measurements and writes down stuff on his clipboard.

"Alright I'm gonna need you too try to grab your hooves behind your back." Ah this test again. Its a basic way to test your flexibility. Some people can do it and some can't, and I can do it, well human me at least. I put my hooves to my back and stretch them till I can grab my hooves.

"Wow I'm impressed you can do that. Most ponies can't do that due to how our shoulders are placed. But I'm impressed." He writes down more stuff then makes me get on all fours and do some more stretches and shit like that. I don't mind most of that honestly, helps me get more used to moving around. However then he starts looking at my wings and horn next. One particular spot he rubbed on my wings immediately felt like I was vigorously rubbing my...well you know.

"Ah so your wings are as sensitive any pegasus." He chuckles and I give him a look."But now that I'm finished with the physical for your flexibility and mobility. Now I'm going to need Poppy to step out now." He looks over at Poppy Seed, who just smiles at me, nods, and walks out of the room. Now I'm felt alone with Doc and I let out a sigh."So now here comes the fun part. I'm assuming you've had the sex talk before?"

"Yep. Look I'm Twenty-Eight, I think I don't need another sex talk." I cross my arms. Doc lets out a chuckle.

"I was told that you have quite an active sex life. Now before you jump at me I have to just make sure that you're healthy in all aspects. You'd be surprised on how many sex related cases come in. Now can you expose your genitals for me, please?"

-Mild sexual touching and erection ahead-

"Fine." I groan and spread my legs open for Doc to see me. I don't have an issues with people touching my junk but I like to have it done on my own time. Doctors aren't very gentle either, sometimes. I feel his hooves start slightly caresses my balls, feeling them up and down. Don't get aroused by this, don't get aroused by this.

"Very healthy looking. I feel no lumps which is very good. I'm surprised your body adjusted so well to your new body." He continues to feel everything from my testicles to my taint.

"Hey Doc could I ask you a question?" Try to make conversation to keep my mind off this.

"Yes? Did I hurt you or something?" He looks up at me, please don't make eye contact with me.

"I've noticed that mares seems to be wearing cloths to cover their genitals. Why is that?"

"Eh its more of a mare thing to be honest. A popular guess is that's hard for mares to clean themselves back there so they cover themselves up with panties. Stallions like us don't really care so we mostly just let everything hang. Some stallions do wear panties though. Are you wanting to get some?" Well fuck, panties. Now I personally don't have a problem but I don't know how other guys here would say about it."Ehh possibly. Not sure yet."

"Well alright then." Wait...is he taking measurements?

"Are you measuring my junk?"

"Don't worry, its part of the exam." Yeah sure Jane, sure. Fuck I swear if he tries something I'm going to pop him in the throat."Now I hate to say this but I'm going to measure you...while erect." Fuck no.

"Why?"

"It's part of the exam, Kyra. I've done this to hundreds of stallions out there. Most of the guards get exams from me. Now lie on your back please." I sigh and lie back onto the bed. My wings are surprisingly comfortable despite being completely on my back. Doc walks over to a cabinet and takes out a jar and walks over to me. God this better not turn out like hows my cystocopy went, God I still have low key nightmares from that. He walks over and stops right next to me."Alright I'm going to need you to smell this." He unscrews the jar.

"Is this the part where you drug and rape me?"

"No no no, this is basically mare extract. During estrus this is what mares will smell like. Its the safest and easiest way to take measurements so just take a few whiffs of it." He puts the jar next to my face and allows me to get my muzzle in the jar. It smells sweet...very sweet. My brain immediately goes fuzzy and I feel really really...dare I say it...horny now.

"Ugh shit that's strong..." Doc takes the jar away from me and dammit that really screwed me over now.

"You know was half expecting your body to reject any kind of pheromones after what I read about humans in the Archives."

"And why is that?" I watch him walk back over to..oh wow so that's my new knob huh? Like just majestic black beauty.

Looks...surprisingly thick honestly."Well because humans don't expel pheromones of any kind during mating so its interesting for any doctor to be given access to a human turned pony, let alone an Alicorn. And from what I can already tell, you've defiantly got some gear to use." He gives a light chuckle and starts measuring my dick.

"So what's the verdict? Am I healthy or whatever?"

"Well yes. Even is you still experience headaches and body aches your physical health is surprisingly good. Your new equipment is defiantly healthy and ready to..ahem serve. Another reason why I'm taking measurements if you must know is because you are the first male Alicorn in hundreds of years. So Celestia wanted some reference to every part of a male Alicorn's anatomy. And I know you are going to ask about size so you're 14 and 3/4s inches long with about 2 and a half
inches of thickness."

Jesus, that'll destroy someone I think.

-Sexual Stuff Over-

After about five minutes of more medical talk while my stiffy goes away Doc gives me a clean bill of health and I'm free to go. I'm walked back out to the waiting room where Poppy is sitting. She's reading a magazine and I tap her on the shoulder."Hey I'm all done, lets go get some lunch." She smiles and we head back out into the white marbled halls of Canterlot Castle. We greet a few passing guards, who give us a salute in return.

"I hope it wasn't too...uncomfortable for you Kyra." Poppy says as we turn a corner.

"Eh it was alright. First time I've been measured by a doctor though." I nearly lose my footing for a moment but I caught myself, my brain is still restarting.

"Well you must understand that you're not in your old world now. Some cultural norms may be accepted differently or completely rewritten. It's all matters on how you perceive these new and changed laws." Poppy says.

"Never thought you for a philosopher at all."

"No but we do have different countries and when they visit, things can be taken differently. For example violence here is taken much more sternly than say, the Dragon Kingdom or Griffionstone. You'd probably get off easier if you got into a fight in public there than here." Seems legit honestly. Most of the fight videos I've seen on PonyTube(Yes I went there), were mostly in houses rather than out in public. We reach the dining hall and are let through by the door guards. We walk in and I'm surprised to see Princess Celestias, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash all having lunch. Now my question is this, doesn't Princess Celestia have like important Royal duties to attend to?

"Ah good afternoon Kyra, we were just enjoying some lunch. Would you care to take a seat and join us?" Dammit Ceelstia and her fucking motherly voice.

"Sure I guess, What's on the menu?" I take a seat regrettably next to Rainbow Dash. She gives me the all knowing grin that I would like to avoid another conversation about that...

"Whatever you'd like dear." Celestia calls over one of the waiters and I just order a simple sandwich with a glass of juice to go with it. I'll try something that has flowers in it today. Poppy orders the same.

"I'm glad you're trying something new Kyra. I doubt meat is doing your stomach any good now." Twilight smiles at me, and her smiles is kinda nice. Usually my friends and I just yell at each other instead of smiling.

" I figure I should start trying new things. Hate to be a broken record, but I won't give up bacon anytime soon."

"Understandable. And I take it your doctor's appointment went well?"

"Yeah I guess so. I just hope there are no more appointments for a while. Also I need to ask Celestia something." When I say that she looks over at me."Yes?"

"I was hoping to talk to you about possibly getting a job. Obviously I have no money nor do I think any money I still have has no value here." Its true, I'm still in my prime and want to make my own money. Celestia rubs her chin a bit.

"I'll think about it. We'll discuss this more after lunch." I nod at her while she gives me a warm smile. Lunch comes soon afterwards and I'll say that flowers actually don't taste that bad! Everyone is pretty quiet so I'm slightly concerned that something is going on. But lunch tasted good so I'm glad that I didn't puke because I'm eating flowers. Hell I think they were daises so I'll gonna order that again. After everyone is finished Celestia excuses herself from the table and walks away."Is she mad or something?" I am too curious for my own good sometimes.

"Recent royal duties have taken up much of Celestia's time." Twilight says while she wipes her mouth off with her napkin.

"Then there's you!" Rainbow Dash giggles. I give her a glare.

"Hey not my fault you played with magic and fell from the sky." She leans back in her chair like she's hot shit or something. Would I get arrested if I stabbed Rainbow Dash with a fork? Ehh probably. Before I can say something the doors open and Celestia returns with...oh great its the mare from before that yelled at me about my house, and a scroll in her magic. The mare guard who I already have beef with, who is also a pegasus now that I noticed, lets out a groan. Celestia takes her seat again and presents the scroll to me.

"On behalf of myself as well as my sister Luna, we would like to formally recognize Zamma Ray Kyra," You bitch,"As a full citizen of Equestria! If you would please sign this document you will become a full citizen ." A quill is float over to me and I'm fucking surprised, but fuck you still for using my full name, but I sign it either way. Yes I still have to sign my full name sadly. Celestia takes the scroll away and I have to speak my mind.

"Really? Only a week? Shit it takes fucking six months to get a damn Visa in the U.S." I think everyone but Celestia and Rainbow Dash are shocked that I spoke SO casually. Seems like Celestia either didn't hear me or did but doesn't care.

"Now Poppy Seed you are relived of your duties of taking care of young Kyra here." She gestures a hoof over to poppy Seed who is quiet again and nods."And now I will be assigning you two guards to watch over you for the time being. Lunar Star, who you will meet tonight, will be filling in the night watch while Angelic Shield will be your day guard." Celestia waves a hoof over to Angelic Shield and Shield rolls her eyes at me. She's decked out in the standard golden Royal Guard armor but with no helmet and no lance. Great, just fucking great.

"Now I must excuse myself once again. Kyra it was nice having lunch with you. I hope we can have dinner together sometime." What? She walks away and now I'm left with Angel the guard who may or may not try to smother me in my sleep.

"Well I guess I should go back to my room then." I get up and both Angel and Poppy get up and start following me, why Poppy is...wait I think she still has some stuff in my room so never mind. Its quiet, too quiet."So you still mad at me for the whole, almost crushing you with my house thing?" I try to be a tad friendly with her.

"Yes, and don't think just because you've got wings and a horn, you'll get treated like you're hot shit or something." Didn't like I say that earlier?

"Wasn't planing on making you rub my hooves or anything. All I want right now is to sit down and play some Xbox." I chuckle. Poppy speaks up now.

"He's actually pretty good! If you're well into that sort of thing." Angel nods.

"Also word around the guards is that you have quite a collection of sex toys." That makes me choke on my own saliva."Who the fuck snitched? I'm gonna kill 'em."

"Rainbow Dash mostly. You know that mare can't keep her mouth shut. But look I'm paid to protect you and shit so I'll do my job as long as you don't get in my way, alright?"

"Fine." Bitch

---That Night---

The rest of the day was uneventful and I mainly just stayed in my room and played Xbox for the rest of my day. Poppy packed her stuff and left and I'll admit that I'm kinda sad to see her go honestly. Angel did what she said she'd be doing
and guarding right outside my door. The only times I saw her was when I had dinner and we did not make eye contact with
her at all. But its been...rather dull honestly. I hope things start picking up soon otherwise I'll lose hope at all.

There's a knock at the door so I go to answer it. I open the door and I'm greeted with a bat...pony, shit I forgot bat ponies existed. Her coat is a darker grey color with a faded purple mane, which is up in a ponytail, ironically. Her eyes a deep bright purple surprisingly. She's wearing almost the same kind of armor that Angelic Shield was wearing but its black and with a different insignia inscribed on the sides. Once again, no helmet is worn."Hi there! You must be Kyra right?" She's excitable that's for sure.

"I am yeah. I take it you're my new night guard?" I ain't no Fazebear so she should survive a week with me. She nods vigorously and I invite her in. I wonder if you need to invite bat ponies in otherwise they can't come inside a house or room, is that racist? Nah I don't think so.

"Wow you've got a lot of stuff in here!" She acts like a nerd.

"So you're Lunar Star right?"

"Yup I am! No offense but I figure you'd be taller." I just shrug.

"Heh I think most of my height went else were." I had too, you can't blame me. Lunar Star actually laughs.

"You sound like Ice Cutter honestly. You meet him yet?"

"No who's that?"

"He's one of Celestia's scribes. He acts like how you're acting. So I'm stuck with you for rest of the night then?" I shrug again.

"I guess. So just make yourself at home unless you've gotta stay outside the door all night." Lunar Star thinks for a moment before looking around

."Will you tell anypony?"

"Nope. Choice is yours." I walk back over to the desk that had my controller laying on it. I hear the sound of metal hitting the ground. I turn around to see Lunar Star standing there, with her armor off completely and with her mane down."Good, I was hoping you weren't a snob and I was correct. Got any beer?" This bitch just...what the hell?

"No I don't...I don't think so."

Lunar Star chuckles and walks over to one of the three dressers in the entire room and she opens one of the large sink like drawers and there's a fuck fridge right there!"Here I'll get you one. Any preference?"

"Uhh not really. Just grab another of whatever you're having." I had booze here this whole time and I didn't even know it??" Lunar Star grabs two bottles of beer from the random fridge and tosses one over to me, which I nearly miss, but I catch it anyways. I pop it open and take a few sips, its been a while since I've had beer. Lunar Star, who I may just nickname Star, plops down in the chair next to me while guzzling down her own bottle of beer.

"So what you playing? I haven't seen a good violent video game in a while and this one looks good!"

"Well I was getting ready to play some Black Ops 3 Zombies."

"Sweet! You got a spare controller?" Well this new! A guard who is just as annoying as I am, who guzzles alcohol like I, and has a spot for video games? Okay I'll fuck with the booze loving gaming guard girl, or mare, whatever.

"Yeah hold on." I reach into one of the bags that had some of my collected shit that wasn't destroyed and pull out a slightly more worn down Xbox One controller.

"Here it looks worse but still plays the same." I hook it up for her.

Shit tonight is gonna be a batty night...did I really just make that joke?

Son of a bitch I did....

Author's Note

Sorry for the cringy medical exam. I'm getting better though at writing sexual stuff