From Hell to Heaven

My life has been riddled with pain, with suffering, with sorrow. I am not a soldier, nor a victim of war. I am a victim of society. My Mother and Father divorced when I was 2, too young to remember. When that happened, we moved back into my Mother’s parents’ house.  I lived there with her until I was 13 and my Mother remarried. That is when I believe things went downhill.

My mind was always dark. All I could think about was the desire to go back to my grandparents’ house. I didn’t like this new home. My step-father became a new person from the man I knew when he had been dating my Mother. He wanted to take my Father’s place in my heart and mind. He didn’t get that I wasn’t going to let that happen, and it made him angry. We began to fight. At first it was just small arguing, such as if I had left a glass on the table when I would go upstairs, or leave a bowl in the computer room after having finished my homework. It escalated. We began to fight heavier. We would get into shouting matches. It would upset my Mother. I would break on the inside when I would see her tears as she would stand against him in my defense. She would shield me from him, even though it broke her heart. I should have opened my heart to her earlier. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

I would shut myself in my room daily. I would lock my door and only come out for food. My Mother would knock on my door to try and talk to me, but I had nothing to say. I couldn’t look her in the eye any more. All I saw were her tear stained cheeks, her eyeliner streaks, when I looked at her. I would cry myself to sleep each night, silencing my sobs with my pillow so she wouldn’t have to hear her sons anguish.

In my first few weeks of high school, I was only looked at. I never spoke to anyone. The only time my fellow classmates would hear me speak was when I would be forced to by a teacher to answer a question. I didn’t want to make friends, I just wanted to do my work and go home. I wanted to finish my 4 years, and get out of my home and away from this place so my parents could be happy. I was wrong. That plan wasn’t going to fly with many people. Simply because I wouldn’t speak to anyone, I was a social pariah, and caused myself to attract unwanted attention. Bad attention. I began to be bullied. I would be shoved into lockers, have my backpack ripped off, binders torn from my arms and thrown into the garbage. I didn’t know how to fight back. I hadn’t ever received such treatment before. I closed myself off even more. That’s when it happened and my hell began.

The violence became harsher. I would try to simply walk home from school, but that wasn’t going to be allowed either. I would be followed and jeered at. Sometimes I could outrun them. I was on the baseball team, so I was athletic, but there were days when even that wouldn’t save me. I would get cornered and beat. I would go home with black eyes and bloody noses weekly. My Mother never saw me as I would make a point to get home before her and my step-father and lock myself away. I began to believe what they were saying to me. That I was worthless, that I didn’t belong anywhere, that I didn’t belong at school, that I didn’t deserve to live. I began to hate myself, and began to cut myself. I didn’t know how else to cope.

Months of this went by. My coach would ask me why I looked so beat up constantly, but I would lie and say it was from working out or tae-kwon-do or taking a bad hop to the eye while practicing with my grandfather or step-father. My lies were taken without question, and I was no longer asked about it. The day finally came when it escalated too high. I left school at a run as I had come to learn to do so I wouldn’t hand out any advantages. That’s when I saw what would change my life forever. I saw a small silver package in the dirt that caught my eye as it gleamed in the low winter sun. I slowed my run as I came upon it, and stopped as I got to it. I bent down to pick it up and saw it read “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Mystery Bag”. The cartoon characters were well drawn in my mind, and I stashed the unopened package in my pocket. I shouldn’t have stopped moving. I felt something hit the back of my head. Everything went black.

I could hear a soft beeping noise as I began to come to. I could hear someone talking, but it was muffled as if I had ear muffs on. I strained to hear what they were saying, and soon I could understand them. They were talking to my Mother, telling her that I had been found by an anonymous group of people and that I had been attacked by some of the kids at my school. The kids who attacked me were already in custody as the anonymous group had settled the score and had called the police, leaving before the police got there so they wouldn’t be questioned. I tried to open my eyes, it was difficult, but I could do it. I could see my hospital room, the white walls, sheets, floor, and ceiling. Everything was white. I could still hear them talking, but ignored them as I looked up at the TV. On it was a purple Unicorn that I had seen somewhere before. I recognized her from somewhere, but as I fought to remember, my head seared with pain, almost causing me to blackout. I stopped trying, and just let my mind wander as I watched the television.

There wasn’t any sound on, and I attempted to move my arm to turn up the volume, but it wouldn’t budge, so I just laid there watching the show in silence. Soon my eyes began to droop as I watched that purple Unicorn meet with other creatures. Pegasus, other Unicorns, regular horses, and even a beautifully drawn Unicorn/Pegasus mix. I was mesmerized and I wished that I could hear what they were saying, or at least know their names. I watched a few episodes before my eyes became heavy again. I hadn’t heard anyone come into my room, but I shifted my eyes around to try and see if anyone was there. I was right, there wasn’t. I attempted once again to move, to lift my head up off the bed, but it wouldn’t budge, and so I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

When I awoke again I was slow to open my eyes. I could tell there was sunlight flooding my room as I could see it through my eyelids. I didn’t want to open my eyes, but I heard someone speaking that caught my attention. It was a girl’s voice that I hadn’t heard before. I opened my eyes and saw the show with the equine creatures on the television again, but this time it had sound. It was the purple Unicorn who was speaking, and she was speaking to what looked like a small dragon, which was named Spike. It seemed to be the first episode. They lived in a place called Ponyville in a world called Equestria. I almost instantly fell in love with the show.

Days passed as I watched my new favorite show. I had remembered where I knew the purple Unicorn from, and I wished dearly that I still had that silver package. Maybe when I could move my arm again I could open it and see what was inside. I remembered that there was another version of it when I was younger, but it hadn’t caught my attention. The old one was simply My Little Pony, but the newer one had an addition to the title “Friendship is Magic”. It had been a while since I had friends, and to see their adventures together made me yearn to be with them and experience everything they did, but I knew it was only a dream and so I settled in and watched it as often as I could while I was awake.

2 weeks went by as I watched my new favorite show, enjoying every minute of it. I continued to try to lift my head, or move my arms, but nothing seemed to want to work. I even looked around to see if anyone had come to visit me, but no one was ever there during my waking hours. I tried to wake up as often as I could so my Mother wouldn’t worry, but I couldn’t catch her. I started to feel sad again, my heart falling from the high that my new show had given me. That night I stared out the window at the night sky, thinking how awesome it would be if that were really Luna’s sky. I smile at the thought, and blinked away a tear. I wished I could be there with them, away from here, so I wouldn’t be a burden upon anyone and so that I could escape my Hell. I couldn’t help myself, and I cried as my eyes closed and I slipped into my slumber. As I fell into my dreams, I wished with all my might that I could leave here.