Not a romantic bone between them

by Natedogg2006

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 9191

A potentially awkward situation plays out between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Good thing they aren't the awkward types.

Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash have been training together ever since almost letting their friends down in yet another world ending event. One day however they end up in a compromising position, what follows is... nothing. Followed immediately by the most backwards hook up in equestrian history.

Published 2017-09-09 05:00:10 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-21 16:11:38 UTC

Worst marefriend ever

With a completely unnecessary triple backflip, a prismatic blur in pony form known as Rainbow Dash smashed her hooves into another cloud. The fluffy white mass didn't stand a chance and evaporated into nothingness. Taking a moment to pump her hoof in triumph and play to a non-existent crowd, Rainbow finally took a deep breath and relaxed her flying style. Gliding lazily to the last cloud in the sky and plopping down she stopped and admired her work. The sky finally being totally clear, minus her apparent future napping spot, she decided to call her job done and slumped onto the soft surface before rolling on to her back and stretching big and wide.

It had been a good day so far. The cloud coverage over ponyville had been dense enough to keep her busy all day, but light enough so that she was able to have fun and get some flight training in while she was working. By the position of the sun in the sky she figured she had only a few minutes left in her work day. And by the position of the sun and the very noticeable fatigue in her body it was just about the perfect time for a good nap.

"Oh buck", came a slightly irritated grumble from under the previously content mares breath. She had been looking forward to her nap so much she had almost forgotten until the fatigue of all things reminded her. It was time to go meet Applejack for yet ANOTHER training session.

A couple months previously the Elements of Harmony had been called upon to stop the latest threat to all of Equestria. Though the threat was major, the fix had seemed easy. Twilight had a spell ready to fix everything, and while their other friends helped her prepare the spell Rainbow Dash and Applejack had what they believed to be the fun job; Hold the line. Keep any and all unspeakable horrors away from the others until it was done.

They got their flanks handed to them. They kicked as much flank as they received but with just the two of them taking on an army they were bound to take more then a few shots. They fought with all they could, but that hadn't changed the situation when they had had to use each other for support just to manage to stand as another wave of enemies bared down on them. Had Twilight not finished the spell at that moment they would have lost, they would have been finished and would have let down all their friends.

Though they won the day, the near defeat had weighed heavily on both mares. At the, "we saved the whole world for I don't even remember the number of times again" party Pinky Pie threw, delayed slightly to give the two a chance to recover, they had not been able to relax until they both had decided to fix their shortcomings. Thus they had decided to meet every day to train so they would be ready for whatever threat would next befall Equestria.

While the training had been fun, especially since it gave her plenty of time to hang out with her best friend, over a month in and she had reached a level of perpetual soreness that was getting annoying. Yesterday's session had seemed like Applejack must have agreed as she had suggested a simple run around ponyville then calling it a day. Unfortunately both of their competitive nature's had flared and that lap had become twenty three laps around ponyville. 'TWENTY THREE' she cursed in her head, 'with weighted saddle bags no less'. Had Big Macintosh not literally snatched them up as they passed the Apple house again and dragged them both kicking and screaming to dinner they might conceivably still be running.

Not wanting something like that to happen again Rainbow Dash was understandably having a difficult time removing herself from her cloud. As her status as the element of loyalty and her status as the best napper in all of Equestria did battle in her head she did manage to remember what kept her going back. She would get to spend time with Applejack, there might be a Granny Smith dinner at the end, and there would always be cider. With a slight groan of annoyance her rear legs lazily lifted off the cloud before being brought back down hard onto it. The cloud poofed into nothing and she began to free fall. A comfortable distance from the ground she flared her wings and started gliding lazily in the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres.

***

Her reading of the time earlier had apparently been off, she had likely just blown off a good half hour or more of her work day. She knew this because Applejack had been timing her days to end around the same time as Rainbows for their training and she currently came upon a familiar earth pony sluggishly still finishing up her work day. She had taken up a spy position in a tree near her in hopes of surprising her remarkably unflappable friend before their training session. Seeing her chance she slipped down and carefully snuck up on the apparently unsuspecting mare. Getting right behind her Rainbow silently took a deep breath and raised her front hooves for a good scare.

"A mite early ain't ya sugar cube." Deflated from being caught in the act Rainbow just huffed her held breath and plopped down on her flank.

"Ok, you win that one... again". Sticking her tongue out in the general direction of the back of Applejack's head she realized she was starting to have trouble remembering the last time she had gotten one over on Applejack this way.

Chuckling lightly the orange earth pony finally turned to meet her friend. Though her Rainbow maned friend had her forehooves crossed and was looking away sulking she still offered the pegasus a raised hoof, which was accepted and bumped after a brief hesitation and without looking back at the other mare. "Swing on over ta' the barn, won't be but a minute here."

Perking up slightly Rainbow gave her an enthusiastic nod and took off skyward, for no other reason but to dive bomb back down. Her path did not however take her to the usual red barn of the farm. She instead came to a sudden stop in front of a badly browning and much smaller barn out behind that one. It was told to her to be the old barn, which would remain around as general storage until the new barn's time to become the old barn came and they tore this one down to make the new barn. Rainbow Dash reached out to open the barn door, only to find it locked as she did every time. "Pony feathers" she exclaimed after having forgotten again, this time her frustration causing her to pry at the door for several minutes until she heard hooves approaching from behind. "Would you just give me a key to this dumb door already".

"Dumb door ya say," she smirked as she laughed. "Don't recon' I can trust yer' smarts over the doors when it's the one that keeps outsmartin' ya" she once again chuckled at her friend as she reached under her hat to retrieve a set of keys. As she undid the lock she added "plus I don't need ta walk in on ya' tryina' see if ya' can chug a whole barrel of cider or somethin' like that."

Once again Rainbow Dash could be seen sticking her tongue out at her earth pony friend, this time with a very audible raspberry as she followed her through the now open door.

Rainbow was glad but not surprised when Applejack walked right past their running saddlebags from the previous day, not even acknowledging them which was tough as the smell of sweat coming off of them was thick even from several feet away. Instead her industrious friend went to one of the many piles of random junk strewn about the space and pulled out a couple lengths of chain and a couple metal pipes to go with them. In a short couple minutes she managed to rig one side of each bar to a chain before throwing the chains over a low beam and securing the other side.

"What the hey is that for?" Rainbow questioned.

"Pull ups obviously," Applejack responded feeling her athletic friend should have been able to figure that one out. Standing on a crate to secure a few nails into each to prevent the chain from sliding she stepped down to present her work. Rainbow Dash liked this idea. Obviously Applejack was as sore as she was. She was suggesting a series of simple exercises that each wouldn't keep them engaged too long at a time. Each exercise would be much easier and in short bursts the chance to get really competitive would be negligible. Only stupidly competitive numbskulls could possibly manage to kill themselves with this plan.

"Perfect", Rainbow exclaimed, hopping up onto the bar opposite where Applejack was already hanging. The bars were positioned so that they faced each other, so Rainbow Dash was able to flash Applejack a cocky grin. "Ready?". Applejack only smirked back.

In unison both ponies pulled themselves into the air. "ONE".....….................

***

".....ninty.....".

'buck, buck, buck, buck ,buck. Why does it always end up like this'. Both ponies presumed correctly that the other was thinking the exact same thing they were.

"..... Two....."

They hadn't even moved onto a second exercise, the second Rainbow Dash had realized how hard Applejack's work day must have been she made this into a competition.

".....ninty....."

Normally an exercise like this would favor the much stronger earth pony, so when it looked like she had a chance to best her she just couldn't resist.

".....three....."

Though the arrogant pegasus was not the only one to blame, the proud earth pony could easily end this by admitting defeat. Would she?

"..... ninty....."

Nope. Both of their forelegs burned with the strain. Normally this many pullups would be a major challenge even for them, in their current state it was torture.

".....four....."

All pretences of proper form for the exercise had been forgotten, the second their muzzles passed the bar both their weights just dropped hard on the chains and they dangled there panting, wondering if they dare try one more. Did they.

".....ninty....."

Yup. But both mares were regretting it. Neither knew if they would even finish this one, and there was no way another one was happening after that. This last rep was definitely taking too long for both mares but they couldn't let the other have this one.

"..... Fiiiiiiiiiivvvvveeee....."

The tops of their noses barely crested the bar before both their weights dropped hard, their totally dead legs barely maintaining their holds, which apparently was a mistake. A brief cracking sound was the only warning they got.

The old worn beam was sick of the abuse and decided it was done. The crack formed right between where the two chains were secured, and proved the beam was not worthy of having anything secured to it. The nails meant to keep the bars straight immediately pulled out of the apparently too soft wood as the weight of the two mares and the pull of gravity forced the chains toward each other. This caused the two mares still dangling from them to impact each other before the chains finally hit air and sent them both falling to the ground.

Moments later on the ground both mares laid, stunned momentarily. Rainbow Dash was for once glad she spent so much of her time crashing. She had managed to fall in such a way that as she lay with her eyes clenched shut doing her post crash check she found no injuries. This was made even more amazing because of the fact that the other pony involved in the fall was not nearly as used to the sensation of falling. When Applejack felt her body go weightless her instincts had just been to grab anything she could, in this case that happened to be the rainbow pegasus right in front of her. This had meant that Rainbow had been forced under the stronger earth pony. Rainbow didn't really mind this, she realized most were not as awesome as her in the air, and since she was not injured it was all cool. What she did mind was what she found when she finally opened her eyes.

Rainbows eyes fell upon Applejack's face, closer then it had ever been to her own. Close enough in fact that she found that their lips were pressed together, deeply, and Applejack's face was scrunched up in an expression Rainbow hadn't seen her friend make before. Having kept her head from impacting the ground she had some space to pull her face away from her friends, which stayed in the odd position.

"Uuuuuuhhhhhmmmm..... Applejack. Would you mind, like, getting off of me?"

"Hold your dern' horses, think I rolled my dern' leg."

"Shoot, really?" The pegasus utilized her much slimmer body and managed to slip out from under her hurt friend and immediately switched into medic mode. Having been in more then her fair share of stupid accidents she had a fair knowledge of basic sport related injury treatments. Looking her friend over she saw no apparent injuries. "Which one?" She asked, suppressing her worry.

"Left rear" Applejack winced as she shifted herself onto her side to allow her friend better access. Rainbow Dash quickly but gently started poking and prodding the leg starting from the flank and working down, the process made slightly more difficult by just how toned and solid she was realizing the farmers muscles were. "Lower, near the hoof." Rainbow quickly adjusted to the lower leg and started feeling around. One particular spot on the ankle made the tough mare wince in pain again. Rainbow quickly pulled away then went back in much more carefully to examine.

"Ok, I think it's good news. Worst case it's just a sprain. But honestly I think it hurt so bad because it's actually the best case scenario, you just struck a nerve and got a wicked stinger."

"Thinkin' ya might be right, startin' ta ease off now." The strain in the mares face was visibly relaxing and her breathing was slowing.

"Awesome", Rainbow was both happy her friend was alright and that she had correctly guessed the injury. "So you should be better in no time." Thinking about it for a second she added, "but either way I think we're probably done for today".

A small chuckle escaped the steadily improving earth ponies lips. "Finally found an excuse to slack off, huh Dash." Applejack had finally managed to open her eyes and was starting to raise herself off the ground. Not missing a step the pegasus slid in on her injured side and wrapped her wing around her friend tightly to take the weight off her leg.

"Yeah, I'm the one trying to slack off. You really think I'm gonna let you keep going injured so you can hurt yourself worse and I'll have to do your chores on the farm for a week because I'm responsible. Nice try buddy."

"Heh heh heh, you found me out real good huh." The fact that she was joking around with her friend was clearly a good sign. "Should we just go to the clubhouse and call it good then" she asked as she gingerly started walking towards the rear of the barn. Rainbow walked alongside still with her wing gripping around her friend's barrel firmly yet carefully. As they came upon a door leading to another room of the barn Applejack decided on a way of showing her appreciation. In a gesture of supreme trust she pulled the key ring from before from under her hat and hoofed it over to Dash, "it's the newer brass one for this door" she said.

Not spoiling the moment with pointless questioning Rainbow simply nodded her head as she slowly removed her wing from around the nearly recovered mare and took the keys in the grasp of her well trained wing. She quickly took the last few steps to the door and quickly undid the lock, holding it open so her barely still limping friend wouldn't have to change her comfortable pace as she walked in. She placed the keys on the same hook Applejack always did as she followed her in. Applejack was already cantering over to a crate with mugs on top and several barrels next to it.

"I'll get that for you AJ, you go rest that leg". There was just a little too much enthusiasm in Rainbows voice.

As a definite nonverbal communication of 'nice try' Applejack blocked her path with her previously damaged leg. "I still got this part sugar cube."

Applejack grabbed the extra large cider mug she kept specifically for Rainbow Dash and filled it before filling her own. She then filled the second extra large mug for Rainbow Dash and turned to offer it to the mare who had already finished the first one and was staring with disappointment at the empty container. Her second mug in hoof she happily trotted over to a large beanbag chair that roughly covered the entire back wall of the clubhouse. With practiced skill she leaped into it's inviting comfort without spilling a drop of cider. Applejack was not far behind, throwing herself backwards and allowing her momentum to carry her rear hooves into the air before they came to a gentle rest on Rainbow Dash's belly. She also didn't spill a drop.

"Now hold up, I was the hoof rest yesterday too. I do believe you gotta take a turn at some point."

"Maybe iffin' ya weren't in such a hurry all the dang time you'd realize it's only natural for the first one on to end up underneath the second". Applejack replied with as smug a smirk as she could muster.

Rainbow grumbled for a few seconds before responding "yeah well, you're just lucky you're so frail and injured that I'll let it slide today."

"Much obliged," Applejack responded before taking a small victory sip of cider.

This was always an odd part of their day. Applejack had put this little club room together and had included many things to do in it. Around the walls were shelves lined with various games and activities, however they rarely saw any use. The two ponies were usually just too antsy even after working out to just sit around unless something very interesting was involved. This was the point in their day where they'd either get bored and start some competitive rounds of hoof-wrestling, or one would come up with something totally nonsensical and they'd spend way too much time discussing / arguing about it. With how sore and tired they were it seemed obvious that Rainbow would suddenly say, "You know you taste like apples." Ok maybe not so obvious.

The statement was so nonchalant it barely registered with Applejack, which was why she could so calmly respond, "Well I suppose that makes sense." Half a second later the statement truly registered. "Now wait just a gol' dern' minute, how in the hay do you know what I taste like!?"

"Are you kidding me," a laugh somewhere between a snort and a chuckle escaped the mouth of the pegasus, "you were practically tonguing me down when you fell on me".

More laughter came from the rainbow pony while her earthbound friend gave her a deeply scrutinizing expression that did not waver for several seconds. As the laughter of the pegasus slowly came to an end Applejack finally spoke. "So is that the reason I've been tryin' ta' get the taste of morning dew out my mouth since you helped me up?"

Another hybrid laugh escaped the pegasus, this one leading to even deeper chuckling. "Morning dew, ha, really. That's what you got." The shaking of her belly as she laughed threatened to vibrate Applejack's hooves right off. The calm farmer however remained remarkably stoic about the situation, stoic enough that Rainbow Dash might consider easing off the subject, that is if she was buying it, which she wasn't.

Not giving her friend any material to laugh at her further Applejack finally decided to speak, "well this is kinda embarrassin'," she paused to take another sip of cider, "or I suppose it would be iffin' either of us had any kind of romantic bone in our body".

Seeing her chance Rainbow thought quickly to break Applejack. Fighting back her snickering she managed an attempt. "Yeah, I mean just imagine if it was anypony else. Like... Like, just imagine if you'd accidentally kissed Rarity."

A sudden thought jumped into Applejack's head and a snort finally pushed its way through her nostrils before deep chuckling over took her. As they subsided slightly she all of a sudden struck a dramatic pose with her cider holding foreleg above her head and the other pressed against her chest. In an extremely bad impression of they're unicorn friend she suddenly and dramatically exclaimed, "Alas, my pure lips have been soiled, my true love shall never accept me as I am now. My dreams of divine love and happiness are forever lost to me now. Of all the things to happen this is..."

"The worst possible thing". They finished in unison, there mirrored mock accents blending so it was hard to tell which one did a worse impression. Rainbow had quickly adopted the same pose as Applejack and they both dramatically fell backwards away from each other in mock faint. Their heads barely touched the beanbag when both mares burst into uncontrollable laughter, their heavily shaking bodies threatening to finally force them to spill some of their precious cider.

"Oh sweet Celestia, I think your Rarity impression is actually getting worse", Rainbow Dash managed to gasp out between laughs.

"Oh, and yours is the spittin' image I reckon'," Applejack managed to choke out as her belly still forceably shuck despite managing to suppress her actual laughter.

"Hey, I happen to be THE foremost expert on mocking Rarity in all of Equestria."

"All of Equestria huh? Exactly how many things is that that you say you're the best at."

"Seventy five, more then anypony else in Equestria," Rainbow said, flashing her cockiest expression. "Seventy four is being better than anypony in Equestria at dragging a certain respectable earth pony down to my level." This time she sent an evil smirk at her friend.

"Oh now that's rich. A pegasus who's tryin' ta' drag an earth pony down. Exactly how upside-down is that feathered brain ya' got."

Rainbow snickered some more, realizing she truly had gotten Applejack to completely lose herself in their mirth. Applejack may be honest and straightforward to the point of seeming a little crass at times, but actually mocking and teasing or even being borderline vulgar at times was something her Apple pride would never allow. Except in front of Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, I'm not trying to drag you to the ground, I'm trying and succeeding to drag you into the gutter", Rainbow Dash scoffed in triumph.

"And now you're picturing me an' Rarity in the gutter, there really is somethin' wrong witcha' ain't there".

"You came up with THAT image all by yourself. I just said Rarity cause I figured she'd be the most awkward of the girls for you to kiss. She'd probably spend a week brushing her teeth nonstop".

"She'd be the most awkward for all of us to kiss. Dern' snobby, prissy pony. I think she'd freak out worse iffin' it was y'all's actually Dash".

"Naaaaah, definitely you if it was Rarity. Now Fluttershy, she'd straight snap if it was me".

"How y'all figure that?"

"I never told you that one?" At this Applejack raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Guess not.... She totally had a crush on me back in flight school," Applejack's eyes raised in surprise. "Yah, we even dated... Like, twice. Awkward, broke it off, we were both cool with it. Still think she has sorta a thing for me though."

Applejack still stared in surprise, then let out a deep snort. "This really should be awkward then now shouldn't it, seein' as we got ourselves a genuine filly fooler in the mix," she said as she chuckled some more.

"Hey, who you calling a filly fooler?" Dash raised an accusatory hoof at the farm mare. Applejack kept chuckling but raised a questioning eyebrow. "I am not a filly fooler. As it happens I am attracted to awesomeness, and Fluttershy can be pretty awesome in her own right."

"Is that right now?"

"Well she has a pretty awesome flank at least", Dash punctuates this statement with a deep chug of cider.

Another snort from Applejack as she slaps her knee in mirth, "Well I sure can't argue that one I spose'."

Rainbow Dash very nearly spit taked on her drink of cider. Forcing it down hard she finally croaked out, "whoa, whoa, whoa. Thirty seconds ago you're accusing me, now look who's filly fooling here."

"Hey now", her voice now going into proud, respectable earth pony mode, "despite what someponies seem to believe about our traditional beliefs, the Apple clan has always believed in not judgin' no pony and being acceptin' of all ponies under any circumstances." Applejack too punctuates this by taking a deep chug of her cider.

"Sooooo... Basically you apples will bang anything that moves???"

Her cider going down much smoother than Dashes she inhales deep with her eyes closed and a shudder, "you should hear some of the stories Granny Smith gets on about when she starts 'sampling' the hard cider when we make it."

"Ooooooohhhhhh, sounds juicy. Anyone I'd know?"

After taking another deep chug of her cider as if to cleanse a particularly foul taste from her mouth, Applejack considers this one for a second. "Mostly ponies she's out lived.... But I think she may have had a threesome with Rarity's parents".

Rainbow Dash only just managed to get her cider to the safety of a wall shelf before she was rolling around the large bean bag chair in hysterical laughter. "Oh sweet Celestia, " holding her sides attempting to hold back tears, "that's too good..... Oh it hurts to keep laughing". Finally getting her laughter somewhat under control she says, "you gotta let me use that on her."

"Absolutely not. That would not only betray Granny's trust, but it would embarrass Rarities parents as much as it would her." She takes a small sip of cider, "cides' that I'm saving it for a rainy day".

"Buck, and I already took out every cloud from here to half way to Canterlot. You gotta let me though. I mean come on, could you imagine the look on her face if she found out her parents were gettin' dirty like that when they were younger." Feeling parched after her bout of laughter Rainbow Dash moved to retrieve her mug of cider and take a drink.

"What the hay you talkin' 'bout. This was like... three years ago."

This finally did it, precious cider was wasted as Rainbow Dash involuntarily spit a fine spray of it from her mouth. Her body shook violently as she coughed and laughed in equal measure for some time. Thankfully Applejack had managed to get her cider mug away from her before more of the precious Amber liquid was not only wasted, but ruined their favorite shared chill spot. Rainbow Dash's body finally started to become too tired to keep laughing. Both ponies' laughter faded, Applejack's having started later and mostly in response to how much Rainbow was laughing. As the last laugh faded into a groan at her aching sides she was finally able to respond. "Old girl still gots it going on huh. That... Is freaking impressive. And horrifying."

"You have no idea."

"But with that, and now knowing you'd be into it, the image of you and Rarity in the gutter doesn't seem so far off." Rainbow Dash absentmindedly felt around the shelf where she still believed her cider to be. Being a good friend Applejack made that thought a reality as she slid the handle into her friends reaching hoof.

"And here I seem to remember you sayin' you weren't thinkin' that".

"Just because my perv brain didn't think of it first doesn't mean some other ponies perv brain didn't put it there."

"I may be a perv from time ta' time, but at least I'm practical about it, ain't no sense in gettin' all hot and bothered over somepony I ain't got a chance with".

"Since when are you so unconfident, I've seen you do some awesome stuff without a second thought. Some prissy fashion designer suddenly got you all scared" Rainbow said in a teasing voice.

"Ain't a confidence thing, it's just an equipment issue." This caused a slight look of confusion from Rainbow Dash, seeing it Applejack clarified, "Rarity is straight as an arrow."

Snorting at the understanding Rainbow decided to weigh in on this. "Oh come on, that ain't that big a deal. If you got her drunk enough...."

"You think I woulda' tried iffin' both of us didn't have about a gallon of hard cider runnin' through us."

"Wait, wait, wait. You actually tried to put the moves on Rarity, where was I for this?"

"Passed out in a puddle of yer' nineteenth hard cider and what I suspect was yer' own urine. It was a pretty good party."

"I don't remember any of this."

"Can't imagine y'all's would. But still, even if I did manage to woo that prissy pony ain't like it'd last. She wants a prince that will care for her every need," Applejack slipped back into her horrible Rarity impression for the last bit. Taking another sip of cider she continued, "pretty sure I'd be just about the worst marefriend ever."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, how do you figure that out? You could totally handle Rarity. I don't think I've seen you ever back away from a challenge, especially when the pay off was...." thinking it over she tilted her head back and forth making some quick assessments and judgements, "more than decent. You're good looking enough and you're probably the second coolest pony in Equestria."

"I'll take that as whatever a compliment I can, but it's cause I ain't got time for being some kinda' perfect marefriend. I've tried but between adventurin' with you girls and runnin' the farm I ain't got time for much other then an occasional roll in the hay. And personally I don't really care to be around nopony that considers that a relationship."

"Oh hey no that's not true. You built this club house in two days, you spent another two moving around your farm work schedule to do these workouts, oh and of course you've been doing these workouts with me for over a month. Boom, right there. Cancel a few workouts a week and you got yourself special somepony time."

"I can't go doin' somethin' like that. We got ourselves a good reason ta' be doin' this. Plus I like hangin' withcha' every day. Not sure there's a pony in this town I'd rather be hangin' with even iffin' I was datin' em'." She was getting close to the end of her cider but there was enough left for a good swig. "What do y'all care fer' all of a sudden anyways. Are ya' just that desperate to get your nap time back?"

"No, of course not.... Well... kinda. But no, I can't just let an awesome pony like you think they're going to stay alone forever or whatever your saying. We gotta get you somepony as awesome as you to make you happy."

"I am happy, I got my farm, my family, my friends, and my best friend. Who speakin' of which don't got no pony on their arm neither. Your sayin' awesome ponies need a special somepony so what's your excuse?"

Rainbow snorts at the question. "Well you might have tried to claim it but I'm pretty sure the worst marefriend prize would go to me. I couldn't even keep FLUTTERSHY happy, and she was patient enough to tame freaking Discord. I'm not even into any kind of mushy datey things. If it seems boring I'd much rather nap through it. You at least have a reason why you'd bail, I'd just bail cause I'd rather be napping, pretty sure nopony would stick around for that."

"Now wait just a gol' dern' minute. That don't sound like no kind of element of loyalty I know. Iffin' I recall you've been draggin' yer' tight flank down here over a month when you could be nappin'. And y'all's are sellin' yer'self shorter than I was. Gettin' ya movin' ain't never been more then buckin' ya from a tree away and iffin' I don't mind I'm sure you could find somepony else who wouldn't."

"Oh please, that's totally different. I like hanging out with you," she finished her cider with one last big chug, "ain't no mushy stuff with you. Plus I like working out, if we could make a few days a week just clubhouse days or even just nap days it would be perfect."

"Sooooo, knock out a few days a week fer' me ta' be datin' and a few fer' ya' ta' be nappin' and y'all have almost lazied yer' way out this whole thing", she said this while nudging Rainbow Dash with her empty cider mug so she knew she was joking.

"Oh come on, we can totally combine clubhouse days and date days".

Applejack let out a very involuntary snort, "the way ya said that it sounded like y'all were sayin' we'd be datin'."

Rainbow Dash let out a snort of her own, "oh man it totally did." She turned her cider mug over trying in vain to get a few more precious drops, "but even if it were with you I'd still be the worse marefriend."

"Please, you'd bolt after a week of watchin' me do farm work instead of takin' ya' ta' nice restaurants or somethin' like that."

"I watch you work all the time while I'm napping in your trees, and who said I'd even go to some fancy joint. You'd dump me the first time you had to drag me to some fancy place. Either that or when I drag you to the Hayburger or the Hitching Post or some other run down joint like that."

"Those just happen to be my two favorite restaurants, if anythin' you'd dump me fer' dragging y'all there too much and gettin' ya to fat fer' flying."

"The more I eat the more I'd force you to workout with me, I'd push you way too hard and you'd dump me."

"Excuuuuuse me, what makes ya' think y'all could out work me. I do believe I'm the farm pony here, if anythin' I'd out work ya' and y'all would dump me." By this time the challenge in both mares voices had reached near epic proportions and they had abandoned their lounging positions to face each other with fierce gazes.

"Oh now you're dreaming farm girl, there ain't no way you'd out do me and there's no way you'd be the worse marefriend."

"Y'all wanna put yer' money where yer' mouth is."

"Dang right! Our usual rules?"

"Usual rules it is."

"You're on!" Both shouted in unison.

There was a palpable silence in the room as the mares sat glaring at each other, both just realizing that in their rage they had ended up eye to eye, foreheads and snouts pressed together. It was finally Rainbow Dash that broke the silence, "what the hay just happened?"

"..... I think we just started datin' on a dare."

"..... Cool. That..... is actually pretty cool." Both mares seemed to agree and relax as their faces drifted apart. Trying to fill the silence Rainbow Dash picked up her forgotten mug searching in vain for more of the precious brew. "Does this mean I can have more cider?"

"That's third date territory at least sugar cube".

Author's Note

Sorry to anyone who actually read my previous story and might have hoped for more consistent uploads from me. This one I got stuck on like one specific line of dialog that I had thought of the perfect transition for then forgot, took like two weeks just trying to remember or come up with an equally good line. Yes one line. Think I'll end up tagging this one as teen just because some of the organic dialog I was trying for leaned slightly to the dirty side, potentially a glimpse into my brain I guess.

This is my second attempt to really capture the way I think certain ponies would actually react to romantic situations, hopefully you guys like it. There will be a pointless epilogue to this, just like there will be to my previous story I have decided.

Let me know if there's any place where it can be improved. Also let me know how I did with Apple Jack's southern accent.

Another unnecessary epilog

"Ok, spill it!"

"Spill what???" Applejack had been practicing her innocent eyes ever since they had first started dating, and though she was getting better Rainbow Dash still thought it looked more "deer in the headlights" then "I have nothing to hide". That wasn't to say that it didn't still work on her, fairly frequently, but that was not going to be the case tonight.

"Oh no, you said when we were done eating you'd tell me how you pulled this off. You can't avoid it forever." Rainbow Dash leveled a glare and accusatory hoof at her marefriend.

"But what about dessert?????" She was deepening the attempt at the innocent eyes but that was only deepening Rainbow Dashes glare. "Ok, ok. I was just havin' fun with it. Truth is teasing y'alls about it was better than the actual story."

"How can that possibly be, this place has the best food in Equestria. They book like a year in advance. How the heck did you get the likes of US into THIS place."

Rainbow Dash gestured to their surroundings, she and Applejack sat across a small table from each other in a restaurant much above their usual standards. The stately decor was illuminated by dim candle light, everything in it as clean and white as the table cloth draped from their lone place in the room. It was a place neither would normally venture of their own free will. But having been there several months before with the other girls as personal guests of Princess Celestia they had gotten to try the food and had been attempting to get back in ever since. Unfortunately it seemed being escorted by a princess was just about the only way cultural black holes such as themselves were even allowed anywhere near the building.

"Ain't it kinda funny how we all always forget the whole, 'savior's of Equestria' thing."

"So you just had to mention the fact that we're both Elements of Harmony..... Dang, how did we never think of that before."

"It still wasn't that easy, that's just the only way I could figure ta' even get em' ta' talk ta' me." A waiter walked through a curtain and began collecting the plates they had only just managed to resist the urge to lick clean. "Now getting a private dining area, today of all days, that required name dropping all four princesses."

"Not your proudest moment I take it."

"Oh it made me feel dirty somethin' fierce." She looked down at her well cleared plates as the waiter picked them up in his dim gray magic. "Totally worth it."

"It was even worth getting dressed up for." Rainbow Dash said as she too watched their plates being collected longingly and allowed the slightest licking of her own lips. How Rarity had learned of their night out was still lost on Rainbow, but the fashionista had suddenly dragged both mares kicking and screaming to her boutique upon learning where they were going and that they were simply going to repurpose their gala dresses for the occasion. Thus both mares sat in brand new dresses, less elaborately made then their gala dresses but still fancier then they would normally be caught in, though Applejack had insisted that she be allowed some kind of hat, even if it was just a fancier version of what she was used to. The outfits were also designed to compliment each other, which Rarity insisted was a must and swore it did not break the rule they set early in their relationship that they would never do cutesy couple things like wear matching outfits.

"Well that's a relief, I thought if anythin' could ruin this night it'd be that."

"Eh, it's not that bad. I may not like dressing up but it can be nice every now and then. Besides, I'm definitely enjoying the view it provides," Rainbow Dash's voice dropped into a more sultry tone as she hungrily eyed her marefriend.

Returning the sultry tone Applejack responded, "I'd say you're looking extra awesome yer'self".

"Don't I know it," Rainbow gives a cocky smirk.

"Eh-hem..." Neither mare realized the waiter had long since cleared the table and had returned holding a bottle to refill their glasses. Snapped out of their moment both mares offered their glasses with just a slight trace of a blush crossing their features. "Your desserts will be out momentarily". He gave a slight knowing smile to the both of them as he took his leave.

Their slight embarrassment already forgotten the two turned back to each other with half lidded eyes. "Well I suppose nows about the right time for some kinda toast." Rainbow Dash only smiled at her marefriends sudden corniness. "Happy Hearts and Hooves day"

A slight blush and a deep smile graced Rainbow Dash's face for a second before she responded, "Happy Hearts and Hooves day." They both lifted their glasses to their lips and took a drink. The moment, the mood, everything was perfect.... Until Rainbow Dash suddenly seemed to almost choke on her drink. Coughing slightly she struggled to get her composure as Applejack slowly lowered her glass and looked at her marefriend with a knowing smirk. "Wait just a second," Rainbow finally managed to hack out, "when the hey did this get so serious."

Very noticeably and deliberately AppleJack put her innocent eyes back into effect and oh so sweetly replied "what do you mean sweetie?" She even batted her eyelashes a little for emphasis. Far from being taken aback by Rainbows sudden outburst, Applejack had been more or less expecting it and was only having a hard time not laughing at how long it had taken to hit the oblivious pegasus.

"Don't sweetie me... And when did you start calling me... I mean, dresses, and table cloth, and, and...." This went on for some time, Rainbow randomly babbling about things she suddenly realized seemed off and attempting to get her racing brain in line so she could gesture to them in some kind of matching way that would get her point across. Applejack only watched, innocent expression unchanging as her tongue was tightly pressed between her teeth inside her mouth to keep her innocent expression unchanging. Finally taking a second to breathe and focus her brain Rainbow Dash tried again. "What I mean is... We don't do big date couple stuff, or at least I guess we didn't use to. We aren't fancy. We just like hanging out, having fun, and being together. When did we become like a legit, romantic couple."

The confusion was written plainly all over her face, with just a little distress added as well. She was clearly a little freaked out, but more so she didn't know why or if she actually should be freaking out, and that was freaking her out the most. Applejack could tell she needed to comfort her marefriend.... but she was enjoying this way too much. "Now sweetheart, y'all just need ta' calm down. I really don't know what y'all think the problem is. The way I see it is you been just about the sweetest marefriend I could ever ask fer' since the first day we got together."

"That is a lie and you know it." Rainbow Dashes survival instincts being very... let's say, primal in nature, quickly transitioned her from freaked out to slightly hostel and angry at a situation she didn't quite understand how she got into. "We were never supposed to be good marefriends, in fact we were supposed to be the worst. You were supposed to dump me in less than a week then I was gonna make you buck apples all day as a clown. You planned this fancy, but I'll admit, nice date so you gotta know. When did we become real marefriends."

Applejack seemed to stare deeply off into space, she even tapped her hoof against her chin to make her look the part of somepony who was really considering a question. What she was actually doing was watching her marefriends tension build out of the corner of her eye to try to time perfectly how long before Rainbow Dash flipped out and got them kicked out of the restaurant. "....., ..... Hummmmm.....," Rainbow Dash's eye twitched, "....., Well,.....," Double twitch, final alarm had sounded, break down imminent, do it now..... Ok maybe a little more. " ....., ..... I'd say probably 'round the time you went ahead and stayed with me the whole night when I went to go see Appleblooms school play when I could tell you really wanted to ditch it." Applejack flashed a very genuine smile to her marefriend as Rainbow Dashes tension immediately broke and was replaced by embarrassment.

Rainbow Dash remembered the night very well. She remembered the dread of the uncomfortable folding chairs, the impending boredom of badly acted skits she would have to pretend to like, the stuffy auditorium filled with way to overenthusiastic parents making a big deal out of the whole thing. But looking back at her memories of the actual night and not just her expectations of it she found that what she actually remembered was how comfy Applejacks shoulder could be, how that position allowed her easy access to whisper a quip about the various performances into Applejacks ear for them to snicker together about, how much she liked the smell of her marefriends mane, and wondering if she could make her lose her cool if she were to reach up and start nibbling.....

Shaking her head Rainbow managed to get the memory to stop playing. "That...., .... Does not count." Feeling the question coming she quickly tried to come up with a reason why that did not count. "..... Scootaloo had a skit in that too, she asked me to come even before you did."

"I never asked y'all ta' go with me. Ya just sorta started following when I said it was time for the play. Also, Scootaloo's skit was second, Applebloom's was third ta' last. Y'all coulda' skipped out real easy, but ya didn't."

Rainbow Dash may be fast but coming up with a timely counter to that argument was not happening. She only managed to grumble random things under her breath to the tune of "whatever", and "element of loyalty".

"Just so ya' know, Applebloom was touched when you stayed to see her. She's been callin' y'all her other big sis ever since." Applejack reached across the table and took Dash's hoof in hers while giving her a genuine smile. "I thought it was a bit touchin' too."

Rainbow Dash started smiling before she realized it, then noticed the situation she was in and let out about half a groan. "And when did you get so touchy feely and mushy." Despite her apparent resistance to the gesture she did not pull away, in fact she actually realized she was instinctively caressing back.

Feeling the slow build had been over used at this point AppleJack dropped the next bomb on Rainbow with no ceremony for maximum effect. "I'd say round about our first roll in the hay," she said in a lower, slightly sultry tone as she leaned closer for Dash to hear.

That memory started playing on overdrive. A night being bored after a light training session, boredom leading to some competitive rounds of hoof wrestling, which led to some competitive rounds of actual wrestling, which led too.....

Rainbow Dash had to shake her head extra hard to get the memory to stop playing this time around. "..... Okay I'll give you that one." Rainbow Dash busied herself with nudging her wine glass absentmindedly as she thought about all she had just realized was going on in her life. Her go with the flow attitude did tend to get her in weird situations from time to time, but this had to be the weirdest by far. She was not strictly speaking mad about the situation, in fact there was a warmth in her chest when she thought about it that she rather liked and that she was realizing had been there for some time now. She was however annoyed that Applejack had seemingly gotten the biggest drop on her imaginable, much bigger than any she had ever gotten on the smugly smiling farmer. She was currently just searching for some way to turn the tables on her marefriend in some way to save some kind of face. A thought suddenly crossed her mind and she stopped nudging her glass and instead took it in her hoof. Dawning a smug, cocky smile she swirled the glass around as she finally managed a counter attack. "Well, guess that means I win then."

Applejack was only slightly taken aback by how quickly her marefriend had recovered. She quickly switched back to her bad attempt at innocent eyes and responded, "win what now sugar cube?"

Swirling her glass even more smugly Rainbow responded, "don't even try that. You know exactly what I'm talking about. We each said that we'd be the worse marefriend, and considering you're the one going through all this trouble and I just barely realized that this is a serious relationship I'd say that means I win. For all you know up until now I could have thought this was casual enough to be getting action on the side"

"Hummmm, can I trust that the element of loyalty wasn't going around and being disloyal behind my back.... I honestly think I can."

"Say what you will, but it won't change the fact that you are the much better marefriend and therefore I won the bet," she finally stops swirling her glass and took a long, cocky, victory swig as Applejack looked on.

Seeing an opportunity while her marefriend was busy congratulating herself, Applejack reached under her hat and produced a small black box. "Actually, tonight was all about declaring myself the winner of that particular bet."

Readying some manner of comeback as she turned back to her marefriend Rainbow Dash suddenly found all words caught in her throat, as well as all oxygen. Her thankfully now empty glass fell to the thankfully soft table cloth as slight wheezing sounds came from her mouth as she tried to respond. "A-A-Apple Jack.... i-is that what I think it is?" Her vision was definitely not getting blurry with tears as she tried to focus on the small band adorned with both their cutie marks being held in a box in the hooves of the mare she loved.

"Now who's the one gettin' all sentimental and mushy." Though she wanted to smile smugly, all she could manage was a genuine one that reached down from her heart.

"Shut up and put it on me you jerk." Rainbow Dash smiled from the heart as well as she definitely did not wipe tears of joy from her face as she extended her other hoof.

AppleJack was all too happy to oblige as she rounded the table and, down on one knee slipped it on the hoof of her definitely not crying fiancee before rising up and connecting their lips.

At some point the waiter arrived to find both mares seated on the same side of the table, leaning up against each other so they could sneak kisses onto the others cheek whenever they felt like it. Being that they had the room to themselves the waiter had no problem with this and left their congratulatory bottle of champagne and their desserts for them and quickly gave them their privacy. Their position did not change as they ate their sweet treats, randomly sharing back and forth. The moment, the mood, everything was perfect.... Then a thought occurred to Dash that nearly made her bite the spoon in her mouth in half.

"A-Applejack..."

"Yes sugar cube."

"You know I love you right?"

"I recon' I got some idea of that," she said as she rubbed her own hoof over the band on Dash's hoof.

"But I mean... You know I like, really really love you right."

"Uh-huh," she planted a small kiss on her temple.

"Soooooo, I just had to ask. If I do lose the bet,.."

"Which ya' do."

"Well, we were playing it by normal rules, which usually means public humiliation... And since you asked me... Does that mean I'm the one who's gonna wear the dress?"

"....., ....."

"....., Apple Jack?"

"Rarity is already designing it. She says she's already tripled her usual order of frills and she's still gonna need more."

"....., And there's no way you'd let me take back my 'yes' is there."

"I already told Granny Smith we was gettin' hitched, y'all wouldn't make me a liar would ya'?." Another soft kiss on the side of her face.

"....., ....., ....."

"Dash?"

"You realize I have a whole life time to get you back for this right."

Taken slightly aback by this Applejack fed her future wife some more of her dessert before replying, "looking forward to it..." She got this out just before Dash shoved a bite of her own into her mouth and gave her a sloppy kiss on the lips, the mixture still not as sweet as the feeling between the two.

Author's Note

Yes I am still trying to create a story where the characters react the way I think they really would. This may seem a little romantic for the two but I totally think Apple Jack would want to do some kind of traditionalish proposal. And yes I think Rainbow Dash could be lulled gently into a very romantic relationship and actually enjoy it.
Once again hoping for criticism, good or bad. Hopefully these proposals don't become my thing or whatever. Thank you for reading.