Feline Fine

by MidnightChaos

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Fluttershy, Adventure, Discord
Length: 1412

When I died, I expected one of two things to happen. I would live in darkness or go straight to hell, what I didn't expect is waking up as a kitten in a world from a kid's show.

My name is Adora and I'm a cat. Granted, I wasn't always a cat. In fact, I used to be completely human. That is, until I woke up as a kitten in a world I remembered from the cartoons my younger siblings watched all the time. A world, I kid you not, of ponies in such a variety of colors I think the LGBT flag falls a little flat in comparison. There are even unicorns and pegasi.

The pony who kept me, her name is Fluttershy, is a pegasus and has a bunch of friends who fight evil or something. (Get the hell away from me you bloody rabbit, I will eat you!) Meanwhile, I'm usually stuck here dealing with the rabbit or a "Lord of Chaos" on Wednesdays. The only good thing is that Discord can understand me. He won't remove the bloody ribbon though.

Published 2017-08-29 03:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-04 21:58:55 UTC

Discord

Stretching out as usual, I blearily looked around the room. As usual, it was full of beds for random animals and Fluttershy's was in the middle and empty. Probably outside feeding the other animals, I flicked my ears as I noticed that the bloody rabbit was staring at me from across the room.

I stuck my tongue out at him and headed for the open door, hoping down the steps towards the kitchen where she left my food and waters bowls. As great as Fluttershy was, there were far too many animals in this house. Personally, most of them didn't bother me. No, it was mostly that rabbit. 'Angel', I scoffed which sounded a bit like a hiss from a cat's mouth, that name couldn't be farther off.

Thankfully after I nearly bit his ear off, he no longer bothered me. I had been scolded heavily by Fluttershy, but it was worth it to see the little turd in pain. Hiding my food bowl was one thing, but putting dirt in the water bowl was my breaking point. Maybe now he would eat what Fluttershy gave him.

If not, a death glare or threatening him with my claws should do it.

As expected, I could see Fluttershy through the open backdoor as I moved to the food bowl and started munching. For those of you wondering, it was manufactured cat food or anything. No, it was egg spiced with a few things from the garden, some lettuce and other vegetables, and fish. Either way, it was actually quite delicious.

I watched as Fluttershy finished feeding the chickens and moved towards the door. I let out a meow, saying morning of course, and she smiled. "Good morning Adora," she walked past me and moved towards the cupboard, preparing her own breakfast. As she did this, Discord floated through the door. He had visited before, of course, but today he would be house sitting. Apparently Fluttershy had some business elsewhere.

They munched down on their food, as did I, and surprisingly Discord didn't pull any shenanigans. He mentioned to Fluttershy about something, which I frankly ignored because it's usually some random gibberish, and they began speaking over their breakfast. Fluttershy grabbed their bowls and placed them in the sink. Grabbing was still an odd sight to see being done with hooves but I had given up on wondering how they did it after getting nowhere.

She slung a pouch of some sort along her back and made for the door, "Goodbye everyone."

A chorus of animal noises echoed throughout the house followed by a "Goodbye" from Discord himself.

"So, you're telling me, that you used to be a 'human' from a place called Earth?" the draconequus raised his eyebrow as if to indicate he was skeptical, I knew he wasn't though after all the stories I've heard. Don't you snub me you arsehole. He raised a claw to sip at the tea Fluttershy had left for him.

"Meow!" I said, getting more than a little frustrated. Clearly my point got across, because he responded.

"How do I know you're not just a cat with a heavy case of chunnibyou?" the being who literally dicked around with laws of physics for the sheer hilarity of it, asked me. I mean, seriously? Is this coming from the guy who makes cotton-candy clouds!?

"Meow." He blinked and looked at me.

"No need to get sarcastic, I believe you," he said, taking another sip from the tea cup. I sighed and climbed up onto the table, giving him a look. After a few moments, the front door could be heard opening and I saw an evil grin on the arsebutt's face. Next thing I knew, he was hoofing me over to Fluttershy. The key point here is that he had placed me in a bowl.

"It's an Adora-bowl."

I swear to whatever god rules over this world, I will be killing him soon.

The Problems With Paws and Claws

So I'm sure most of you remember the day Rainbow Dash, the brashest and "most awesomest pony ever", her words not mine, decided to pick out a pet. No? Well, I do and oh my gods was it terrible or what. I point my case to the fact that this is a pony who has broken the sound barrier and then crashed into the ground. She broke nothing, and ever since that day I've been completely and utterly terrified of cartoon physics.

So, to start off, please remember I am currently a cat so I'm a lot smaller than the majority of things. I had perched myself outside on the ground near Fluttershy as she spoke to Rainbow about the kinds of pets. I cleaned myself as I waited, I was pretty much safe seeing as neither of them had noticed me.

Of course, my heart nearly stopped when Fluttershy held me towards this physics breaking monstrosity. Pinkie Pie is nothing next to the second coming of Evel Kenevil, minus any kinds of skills except speed. I sat there, in the arms of my so-called savior, scared as all hell and hoping that I would be able to chuck myself off a cliff if I was chosen.

Thankfully, rainbow decided against it and the whole ordeal resulted in her getting a little turtle named Tank. Yes. For the so-called fastest pony, there was a turtle. I myself honestly was glad someone else, particularly someone as durable as a turtle, would be dealing with her and not myself.

The other animals looked disappointed and I shuddered at what had happened when Rainbow had cat-sat me. Aside from literally sitting on me at one point, she had somehow managed to convince the bear to bring his honey into the house and I ended up stuck on the ceiling for nearly a full two days. Fluttershy had tried to get me down to no avail, and my claws were stuck too.

The real problem had been Discord, he had gotten me down but not at the cost of my fur being vibrant pink for a week. I, for one, absolutely hate the color pink. I might be a female cat now, but I happened to have been a human male in my past life and it was bad enough I had to deal with being in a land of a girl's show with vibrant colors and feminine touchs everywhere, but the pink had kinda of set me on edge and I ended up attacked Discord. At which point, he told Rainbow to take me for a ride.

Let me just say, I will never be flying RD Airlines EVER.

Cutie Mark Crusaders

There comes a day in every being's life in which you would prefer to be dead, or at least unconscious. For myself, it was the day I met the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Naturally, they were cute but judging a book by it's cover almost got me killed today. For some completely unknown reason, Fluttershy had let these three fillies house sit. At fist I wasn't concerned, but that yell sent a shiver down my spine. Have you ever heard three children scream right before they put a diaper and bib on you?

I hadn't either, until today.

"Aw, wook at the widdle thang," one of them cooed. You're wondering which and I'll tell you. It was the weird cotton candy hair one. The unicorn, I think. Why do you ask why I only think? Because at this current time I am huddled underneath Fluttershy's bed watching what looks like a war zone.

They pissed off the bear. They literally set off an eight foot tall beast with huge paws and claws, inside the house. I can even hear him growling, they're trying to hide right now.

"MROW! MROW!" Not under the bed with me, no please.

"ROAR!" And there goes the bed. Rest in peace, I will meet you in the afterlife because I can feel all nine of my lives fleeing in the face of- Is the bear in a stroller? Are they... feeding him a bottle? How, when, why, who, what... The rabbit has joined me under the remains of the bed and we're sincerely hoping that the Pegasus gets home soon.

Cutie Mark Crusaders? There is nothing cute about these little demons, I half expect them to start yelling deus vult with a helmet. Please, Discord, come back. I can't handle these things.