Anon on Earth

by Pablo Arthur Fawkes

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Lyra, Anon, Original Character, Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 1202

Anon travels to Earth. involuntarily.

What if "Anon" were a pony? And that pony went to Earth for some reason?
This probably wouldn't happen, but I wrote it anyway. Enjoy.

Published 2017-08-08 09:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-08 09:40:06 UTC

Welcome to Berk-(horse pun)

In Ponyville was a creature. A creature with green skin, no face and classy fashion sense. This creature was known as "Anon", was a Pegasus pony, and was decidedly not you. This pony flew through the skies of Ponyville on her way to her friend's house. The term "friend" being used here to describe a pony too nice for their own good, who had allowed a college acquaintance to couch surf for a few days. The term "a few days" being used here to describe two and a half years.

Anon's wings were spread wide, much like the hind legs of the ponies she slept with in her fantasies. She soared through the sky, reaching altitudes reached by no pony before at that exact point in time, except the three fillies currently playing "Piggie in the middle."

Anon closed her eyes and felt herself float, then she opened them again as she felt herself start to fall. She flapped her wings, but it didn't help at all. As if the force of gravity itself had changed in a slight way, but sufficiently enough to cause her wing to body ratio to not be substantial enough to allow her to fly.

Anon fell faster and faster, until she hit her terminal velocity, at which point she continued to fall at a steady rate before being plunged into the windscreen of a passing Honda Civic.

Anon slowly came back to consciousness, hearing a hum of chaos around her.

"Dude, I don't know how to check it's vitals. It doesn't have a face, what if it doesn't have a heart or lungs? How does it breathe?" She heard a deep male voice say. "This is way too fucking much for my first day. I don't even know whether its an animal or a plant, let alone what species it is."

Anon opened her eyes, although nobody around coud tell due to her lack of any kind of face.

"Aw, shit. Where the fuck am I?" She exclaimed, looking around at the medical equipment, "I didn't die, or anything, did I?" She looked at a large... Thing. It was kind of pink, had orange fur on the top and back of it's head and was about 18 hands tall. He had the 'I can't deal with anything' kind of look that college students had once they left and were dealing with the severe alcohol withdrawals that come along with getting a job straight out of college.

"Great, now it's talking. YO, LITTLE HELP?"

A stern looking woman walked in with the general presence of a sitcom character who wasn't the main antagonist, but just a bit of a dick. Like Dr Cox from Scrubs.

"What happened?" She said, emoting subtly like a vaguely decent actor.

"It talked," The male of the species replied, "And it has the mouth of a sailor."

"Hey, fuck you man! Square up you fucking pansy!"

"Enough, Jake, go do something worthwhile. I'll handle this." Demanded the stern woman, who looked like she probably got a lot of dick when she was younger, but then got a total or zero cock in her life past college, and it made her push away any human connection, lowering her chances of regaining the cock. "Okay, what species are you, and where do you come from?"

"I'm a pony, jackass." Anon cordially replied.

"You aren't dying anymore, so you can just fuck right off with that attitude."

Anon got up, feeling her ribs painfully shift as she moved.

"Oh, yeah, be careful of your ribs. They're real fucked up."

She followed the bitch queen out into the lobby, barely paying attention to the bullshit she was saying to other vets as they went. She came to a halt as the frigid ice woman turned on her heels.

"So, you got hit by a car and stuff. I'm assuming you don't come from here, so do you want to stay in a kennel and be put down in a week, or go home with someone here? You can ask one of the people who work here, or you can go with the guy who brought you here and whose car you slammed into. He wanted to see you anyway"

After deciding that the ginger dude from earlier was a total bro, and the guy who hit her was responsible for her almost dying and also was a total faggot bitch, she made up her mind.

"Sorry for hitting you with my car earlier, I'm not used to looking upwards for obstacles." Daniel said. He was a scrawny guy with messy brown hair and round glasses. He wore a black turtle neck and navy blue skinny-jeans. He worked for some high-class tech company creating the newest, most revolutionary mobile phone apps. This would have impressed Anon if she knew what half of those words meant.

"Don't worry about it, neither of us could have helped it." Anon said, smiling sweetly in an attempt at laying on the charm as heavy as possible. She decided that she should try to squeeze as much out of this situation as possible. A place to stay and free food was pretty good, but unlimited favours and not being subtly forced into getting a job would be better.

"So, are you an alien?" Daniel asked meekly.

"Depends what you mean. I'm not a creature from another planet that's come here to probe your butthole," Anon said, as charmingly as it was possible to say that, "I'm a creature from another universe."

"Oh, okay," Dan replied, paying close attention to the road, the upcoming junction, and the sky.

"...That's come to probe your butthole." Anon finished.

"What!?" Dan swerved to the right, almost hitting a passing bus.

"Fucking dipshit!" Anon laughed. "Hey, we're in... Wind-soar? In berk-shy-err?"

"It's Wind-zer, in Bark-sheer" Daniel corrected.

They arrived at Daniel's flat soon. It was moderately sized, but the space was well utilised.

"Nice pad." Anon complimented, jumping onto the sofa. Daniel sat next to her, on the edge of the furthest sofa cushion.

"Hey, Danny, don't be such a stranger." Anon said, pulling Daniel closer with her hind-legs. "You never REALLY paid me back for almost killing me..."

Daniel blushed and looked away "B-but... You're a..."

"I like to think it adds to the allure," Anon answered, cutting off the superfluous remainder of the statement.

Anon pulled Daniel closer, into a kiss, which was pretty awkward, what with the lack of lips.

A mint hoof found itself on the floor. The NEET mare walked to the computer nearby. She opened up Internet explorer and clicke the favourited tab labelled "/MLH/". She needed to share this weird dream with her fellow degenerate "Humares".

"Lyra Heartstrings, how many times have I told you told you that I'm not cleaning up the tissues you use for... Cleaning up?!

"Calm down, Bon-Bon. I'll get right to it. I just need to finish this, okay?" Lyra responded, writing up the greentext about the weird dream she had just woken up from.

TFW no human BF to cuddle you after a near death experience.

Author's Note

Yep, that was a thing that I wrote.