Wonka Vs. Applejack

by MrPeaches

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Applejack, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 14324

When the legendary candy-maker shows up in Equestria, a simple business proposal turns into an adventure that could change apple-farming in Equestria forever!

Zap Apple season's in full swing on Sweet Apple Acres when a most peculiar visitor arrives - Willy Wonka, world-famous candymaker! Thinking that the apple will be the perfect ingredient for a new line of candy, Wonka tries to convince a hesitant Applejack to part with some! But with Wonka things are never quite straightforward; when interdimensional magical mechanics and a legendary tree enter into the picture, our heroes might have been safer battling Hornswogglers, Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids!

Published 2017-07-02 13:00:10 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-02 13:00:10 UTC

Chapter 1: Weirdo at the Windowsill

The scent of a spring morning shaken in a vat of cider and rolled in sugar - Zap Apple season had come once again to the picturesque province of Ponyville. All was hustle and bustle at Sweet Apple Acres, from whence the zap apples came. A line of ponies stood on the soft dirt road running by the farm, nose-to-tail all the way back into Ponyville proper. Upon a humble wooden stand was a merry stack of jars of Zap Apple jam, bright rainbow stripes glistening in the sun. As she usually did this time of year, Applejack greeted her customers and collected bits while Big Mac helped ponies with larger orders get the jars into their saddlebags, occasionally cantering off to haul another wagon of zap apples into the kitchen, where Granny Smith and AppleBloom made the preserves.

Cheerilee, the magenta-coated schoolteacher, greeted the Apples as she trotted up to the stand. “Hello, Applejack! And hello, Big Mac!” she smiled. “Two jars of zap apple jam, please!” Cheerilee dipped her muzzle into her saddlebags and dropped the bits onto the stand, heavy gold clattering on wood.

“Comin' right up, Miss Cheerilee!” Applejack scooped the bits into the collection box behind the counter with a forehoof, and smiled as she saw her little sister Applebloom in the distance exit the farmhouse with a fresh batch of jam.

“Has the harvest been good this year?” Cheerilee inquired as Big Mac deposited the jam jars carefully into her saddlebags.

“Sure has! This year, we got more zap apples than feathers on a flock of fifty pheasants!”

“How wonderful! Well, I'd best be moving along; don't want hold up the line! Good luck!” The Apples waved goodbye to the schoolteacher as she headed back into town.

As the next townspony stepped forward, screams shook open the sleepy afternoon air.

Applejack's ears swiveled toward the house in time to hear the clatter of glass jars in the distance. “What in the– Applebloom? Granny?” Applejack's hooves kicked up dirt in a gallop, Big Mac rumbling behind her like a locomotive. Had there been a kitchen accident? Had somepony slipped on some stray jam? Tumbled over a glass jar? Found a spider in the cupboard and been so surprised that they stumbled back into the boiling hot... the boiling... gulp!!!

It wasn't anything like that- it was something a lot weirder. Resting its foreleg at an odd angle on the kitchen windowsill, a forepaw on its cheek, was some manner of odd beast, smiling in at them with a smile that was not unkind but also vaguely disconcerting. It had smooth skin, like some sort of lizard, but a bit of mane spilled out from under a pith helmet on its head, which it doffed to tip at them. Its nose and eyes were tiny compared to a pony's, and its lined face was jarringly flat. It wore sturdy tan-colored garments as if for travel, but a bright purple scarf of crushed velvet was slung about its neck and shoulders. Strangest of all were its forepaws; it looked as if someone had glued a starfish to the end of each of its hooves. The ends waved and bent in ways that made Applejack think of some manner of bug.

For a hot second the Apple Family recoiled as the thing continued to look in. “What a lovely home you have,” it complimented casually. “I like the décor – pink polka dots, very nice.”

Applejack leaned over to Big Mac. “Big Mac, go get Twilight. … Get Fluttershy too.” The orange farmpony's eyes narrowed. “And while you're at it, ask her if Discord is in town. This has his stamp all over it.” With a last squint at the creature, Big Mac exited swiftly. The farmpony stepped forward into the kitchen, ears flattened. “All right you... whatever you are! I ain't never seen your like before, but ain't no critter has any business frightenin' my family!” She gestured around the kitchen. “There's a hot stove and glass jars in here—you coulda hurt somepony!” Applejack cocked an eye at the strange lanky creature. “And if yer actually Discord in disguise, you also know that today ain't no time for pranks!”

The purple-scarved creature took a step back from the window, doffed its helmet and bowed its head. “I am sorry, madam,” it apologized. “You see, I happened to be passing by when I caught the most interesting and tantalizing aroma – I've never seen the like of these apples here.”

Applebloom had retrieved the fallen jars and handed them to Granny Smith for inspection, all ponies keeping one eye on the stranger. They glanced over to Applejack, willing to follow her lead. Applejack sighed; this was the worst possible day for this weirdness to happen. The line would be getting antsy by now. She had to get this creature to clear off, preferably hospitably. Placing a fresh jar of zap apple jam on the windowsill and pushing it toward the creature with a forehoof, she explained “These here are zap apples, stranger – one of our special crops here at Sweet Apple Acres. Here – take yourself a free jar of our zap apple jam. But now I'm afraid I gotta ask ya kindly if you'd steer clear o' the farmhouse – zap apple season is one of our busiest times of the year, and we have a huge line of ponies waitin' to buy jam!”

The creature took the jar of preserves with an eager grin, and turned it over in its... foreleg grippers, testing the jar's heft and holding it up to the light. “By the work one knows the workmen,” it murmured to itself. “Yes, very good – magnifique!” It turned to its enormous travel bag, sitting in the grass nearby, and swapped the jar with a small stack of flat objects bound together with a delicate red ribbon. It set the bundle upon the windowsill and pushed it toward Applejack as she had done with the jar. “I won't hear of charity for such a quality jam – these are Wonka Bars, from my factory. I'm a chocolatier: Willy Wonka at your service.”

Applejack glanced down at the “Wonka Bars;” the paper labels were brown, bordered with red, with white and yellow lettering in a script she did not recognize. “Uh... name's Applejack,” said Applejack.

Willy Wonka chuckled. “'Applejack?' I'm fond of a blackberry brandy myself.” He stood and holstered his pack. “I'll leave you to your business, but might I trouble you this evening? You see, I'm currently on an expedition of sorts, looking for new ingredients and flavors for candies. I simply must bring back the zap apple to my factory!”

Without bothering to wait for a reply, the lanky creature with the purple scarf turned and set off at a jaunty space, twirling a wooden walking stick. An ever-fainter string of gasps and yelps of surprise told her that the stranger was apparently taking the road back into Ponyville. Well, at least that would save her from having to explain her absence at the jam stand.

Granny Smith, now recovered from her fright, tapped a spoon contemplatively against the pot of jam cooking on the stove. “Did he say he was a chocolatier? With a factory? Why, Applejack, this could be quite an opportunity! There're precious few places to get zap apples in Equestria; can you imagine Sweet Apple Acres supplyin' 'em to a big candy factory?”

Applebloom watched with interest as Applejack bit gently on the ribbon around the candy and set it on the table. “What in Equestria was that thing?” The filly piped up. “He was kinda creepy...”

“I'm sure I don't know, but Equestria's filled with all manner o' strange beasties. We shouldn't think less of this Wonka jus' 'cause he looks like somebody took the broad side of a board to a vulture – he seemed polite,” Granny countered.

“I suppose you're right...” Applejack said, although she agreed more with Applebloom. She looked at the bars. The scent of chocolate rose from the package, and despite being more of a pie pony she caught her mouth starting to water. She shook her head. “Anyways, Twilight'll be able to suss out any funny stuff, and we got all the rest of zap apple season to go – let's get back to work, y'all!” She trotted out the front door, turning her head at the last minute to call out “And until I say otherwise, nopony touch that chocolate!”

Chapter 2: High-Stakes Negotiations

The rest of the sales day went more or less normally, save for a few exceptions. Sometime in the mid afternoon, a herd of Canterlot Royal Guardsponies flew a chariot into Ponyville, and flew back out a few minutes later with a waving Willy Wonka in the windborne wagon. Welp, I guess that's that, Applejack thought to herself, feeling a little better. Celestia would take care of things from here. She turned back to her stand. “Next!”

The sky was the color of a ripe gala apple by the time the Apples closed up shop for the day and set about the task of readying for tomorrow; pots and pans were washed, apples and unsold jam went into the apple cellar, and Applebloom trotted up and down the road apace to pick up the odd stray bit of rubbish left by less-courteous ponies. In the barn, Applejack was just about to finish putting up the last of the large apple baskets when they glowed violet, rose into the air and stacked themselves neatly.

“Hey, Twilight!” Applejack called as the purple alicorn trotted merrily into the barn, the setting sun throwing the her shadow long onto the barn wall.

“Hey, Applejack!” Twilight's eyes were a-sparkle more than usual, and she trotted in place excitedly. “Did you hear the news about our visitor? I heard that you were the first one in Ponyville to see him!”

“Well... technically that was Granny Smith and Applebloom,” Applejack wiped her brow with a forehoof. “He said he was a 'chocolate ear.' Saw him get sent off to Canterlot.”

“You're never going to believe this!” Twilight exclaimed. “He's an interdimensional traveler, from the land of Urthe! He's manufactured a translucent craft that runs on refined, concentrated sucrose of all things!!! Can you believe it?”

“Uh. Neat,” Applejack said as her scholarly friend hopped in circles.

“Isn't it??” Twilight crowed. “Between this and the realm that lies beyond the mirror in the Crystal Empire, Peachicornicus' Multiverse Theory is looking more and more probable! I have a mind to write a scholastic scroll on it all – of course, I'm not sure if Princess Celestia and Luna have decided where they stand on this yet...” The purple mare ceased pronking and put a forehoof to her chin, subdued. “Come to think of it, his physiology is strikingly similar to the beings that live in that other realm – not the same, but very close. It raises all sorts of questions; what if there's a universe out there with ponies in it too, who are like us but not quite like us?

Twilight didn't oft speak of the realm she'd visited when she'd stepped through that mirror, although it didn't seem to be a bad memory. Applejack was fine with that; she'd gathered that Celestia didn't want news of the mirror to spread, and had done her part to keep mum about the little she knew. But now it seemed as though this Willy Wombat was raising all sorts of questions of other worlds; right now, Applejack was dreaming of a world where she could go and get some supper before a long day tomorrow.

Twilight noticed her friend starting to droop and snapped out of her musing. “Oh! I'm so sorry; you've all had a long day. Anyway, in addition to wanting to update you on the... Wonka situation, I actually came to ask you if you'd be willing to stop by my castle for just a moment? Mr. Wonka expressed a desire to purchase some of your Zap Apples. I thought it could be a quick way for you to make some extra bits from your harvest!”

Applejack's eyes flew open. “Hang on! What's that... feller doin' at your castle?! I thought he was in Canterlot!”

“Oh, no!” Twilight smiled. “After some very successful inter-dimensional diplomatic negotiations, the Princesses ruled that Mr. Wonka wasn't a threat to Equestria. In exchange for a temporary permit to purchase candy ingredients and a goodwill offering of bits, I get to chronicle all the information he has on his home dimension and archive it in Canterlot! He's actually staying over at my castle for the duration of his visit.”

“Oh...!” Applejack exclaimed in her best fake enthusiasm. “How... nice. But look, Twilight, as much as I'd like to get involved in this... inter-dimensional... thing right in the middle of Zap Apple season, I've really got to get back to the house now. We've just enough time for supper before we have to get some shut-eye for tomorrow.”

“Oh! Actually, Mr. Wonka already thought of that,” Twilight countered unhelpfully. “He sent this along!” Twilight levitated a medium-sized bottle of blue glass out of her saddlebags, wrapped in a festive blue and green label with more of that foreign script on it, and sealed with a cork. “He called this 'Vigour-and-Sass Sarsaparilla,' and said that a bottle of this was as good as a good night's sleep!”

“... Yeah. I ain't drinkin' that.”

“Oh! Don't worry; Celestia and Luna and I all ran every test we could conceive of on his cargo – it checks out as non-malicious and even compatible with pony biology!”

Applejack frowned.

“... But I can understand the trepidation!” Twilight smiled sheepishly, putting the bottle away. Applejack thought she smelled sarsaparilla on Twilight's breath. “Anyway, whatever you're up for is fine. If you end up with extra Zap Apples that you need to sell, I guarantee our visitor is interested!”

Applejack blew out a horsey sigh as Twilight smiled at her and made to leave. The truth was, they'd had a bumper crop of Zap Apples that year, and even after selling their first hundred jars of jam to Filthy Rich, they'd served most of the Ponyville ponies today. As much as Applejack had guiltily wished otherwise, her exploits in defending Equestria hadn't directly translated into renown for Sweet Apple Acres. Years of experience told her that they were going to have a lot of Zap Apples left over this year; even if this Willy Walnut seemed off, wouldn't she be selfish denying her family the extra bits? Celestia, Luna and Twilight were signing off on this, and apparently the chocolatier had good Equestrian bits on him; what was the problem?

The orange apple-farmer, straw-gold mane shining in the sunset, sighed and called out to Twilight. “Hang on... I'll go talk to him. Let's go.”

~~~

“A toast to new friends, and to the generosity of the lovely Princess Twilight Sparkle, and of your magnanimous monarchs: 'Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.'” The lanky Wonka, now resplendent in a purple velvet overcoat worn over a violet floral vest and cream colored slacks, raised a glass of fine cider and toasted Twilight and Applejack in the study. Supper had been a boisterous affair and taken much longer than Applejack had wanted it to; Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Rainbow Dash had come along as well – they'd all been curious about the stranger from the other world. Wonka had supplied the desserts, and dishes of candy of all sorts had littered the table. Put on the spot, Applejack had sampled some Melty Mint Munches and Raspberry Dandies. She hated to admit it, but the man could make a confection. Applejack wasn't sure that Pinkie Pie was going to let him leave Equestria.

Now, after telling tales of his adventures and regaling them all with songs and party tricks, Wonka, Twilight and Applejack had retired to one of the castle studies to talk business. Wonka sipped his cider delicately and set his glass on a small table near the overchair in which he sat. “You know, I've traveled many places, but none with better produce, I think. The soil quality and water purity in Equestria is unparalleled – but of course, none of it can do any good without a farmer who can properly cultivate the trees.”

“Er... well, y'know. We do what we can,” Applejack hoof-waved the compliment away. “Now, I understand you're wantin' some Zap Apples? Since Twilight and the princesses gave their okay, that sounds fine to me. In about two day's time we'll be all done zap apple jammin', but I checked our stock and we're gonna have a surplus this year, so there should be a whole mess of apples for you to take home if you have a mind. We'll even make some into jam for ya if you want.”

“Splendid!” Wonka clapped his “hands” (as the ponies had learned was the proper word for them) and bounced in his chair like a colt. “I'm over the moon. And of course, I'm also interested in purchasing saplings, and tips on growing this specific strain.”

Applejack's cider mug froze halfway to her muzzle. “Er... huh?” She looked over to Twilight, who appeared to be trying to do a zoological sketch of Wonka while they talked. “I didn't hear nothin' about that. What do you need that for?”

“Why, to start a Zap Apple orchard back at my factory, of course!” Wonka smiled. “Equestria is a veritable Garden of Eden, but I was born under a wandering star – before too long I'll be casting anchor and delivering the ingredients I've found back to my dear friend Charlie – my heir and worthy owner of my factory. He'll be tickled pink; he seemed to think our apple candies were under-represented lately.” Wonka flicked a red candy into his mouth with one of his “fingers.”

“Now, hold on a sec,” Applejack questioned, “Why can't you just come back here every year 'round this time and get zap apples from us?”

Wonka leaned forward and tented his fingers, smiling kindly. “Ms. Applejack, our factory ships out candies to over 6 billion people, in locations all around the world. If demand for zap apple candy is going to be anywhere what I think it will, all of the trees in your orchard couldn't meet demand for even one large town on my world.”

The number “billion” rattled around loosely in Applejack's head. “Uh... oh. Wow. Well... I don't know...”

Wonka reached down and patted the bag of bits he'd been gifted by the princesses, which was as tall and wide as his torso, and fat as a tom turkey. “I wouldn't mind at all exchanging this entire bag for the zap apples. Your friend Pinkie has been a great help in finding ingredients already, and I've plenty of candies to barter for others.”

Applejack gulped. That was not a small bag of bits – it would make for a stress-free rest of the year for the family, and as hard as they all worked, it might hold them over for a good many years yet. It might even be enough to put the plan for Granny Smith's new hip back on the table! And after all, the Apples weren't trying to bogart the method to grow zap apples – that had never been the Apple family way. The orange mare folded her forelegs in thought.

“I... need to go talk things over with the folks,” Applejack concluded. “Besides, I'm 'bout ready to fall asleep in this here chair. I'll get back to ya tomorrow evening.”

Wonka nodded. “Buenas tardes, Applejack. You're sure you won't take a bottle of Vigour-and-Sass Sasparilla?”

Applejack paused halfway out the door. “... Look, I can see you've made a good impression on everypony, but it takes me a little time to feel comfortable with new folk, and I don't much like accepting gifts on the best of days. Good night.”

The apple farmer left.

The apple farmer stuck her head back in.

“By the way, are we sure this ain't Discord?” She inquired of Twilight.

“We're quite sure,” Twilight affirmed.

Chapter 3: The End, Surely

The next morning the Apples held a conference round the breakfast table.

“Well...” Granny Smith thought aloud, “Wasn't ever the Apple family way to keep the secret to growin' good apples to ourselves. Now if he was after the recipe for zap apple jam, I might have more of a quarrel, but as it is, I think we aught to sell our surplus to this Wonka feller.”

Big Mac chewed thoughtfully on a mouthful of flapjacks. “Eyup,” he agreed.

“Seeds should just shoot up into trees, too, so no need to worry about saplings I guess.” Applejack chased a raspberry around her plate with her forehoof.

“But what about the signs? The timberwolves? The crows?” Applebloom tilted her head, bow bobbing. “You think he's got all of them in that factory of his?”

Applejack sighed. They'd harvested zap apples for so long that she'd grown used to all the signs and steps that caused the trees to grow. “We'll have to let him know about those ahead of time. It's only fair.”

“It's true; there's a reason not every apple orchard bothers with zap apple trees,” Granny Smith agreed. “Too much hassle for some ponies!”

“Eyup,” Big Mac concurred.

~~~

As the second day of zap apple jamming came to a close, prosperous and busy, Willy Wonka came a-calling again, stepping up the dirt road with a jaunty skip. The sky was the color of a ripe Pink Lady, save for a growing mass of dark clouds the pegasi were building in the distance. Looked like rain was scheduled for tonight. Applejack had heard the word “Wonka” more times today than she ever thought she would in her life; no stranger to odd beasties, the townsponies had really taken a liking to the creature's easygoing manner and casual mystique. Applejack didn't think that the candy was hurting his case, either. The Wonka Bars he'd given her were holed up in the pantry somewhere; she was still holding out in case some sort of candy-induced mass hypnosis broke out or something.

Around Wonka bounced a manic pink pony with a poofy, pinker mane and tail – Pinkie Pie had apparently been following Wonka around everywhere, trying to ply candy-making tips out of him since he'd arrived. “Applejack! Applejack!” she cried, bouncing over to her. “You won't believe the advice Mr. Wonka has been giving me on my candy canes! Next Hearth's Warming Eve is going to blow. Your. MIND!!!” She sprang over the top of Applejack giddily.

“That's nice, Pinkie,” Applejack smiled. She nodded to Wonka, who bowed in a gentlemanly fashion, and ushered him and Pinkie over to a table in the yard, covered with a red gingham tablecloth. The rest of the Apples were in attendance and had laid out iced tea and Appleloosa-style toast, with butter and zap apple jam. Wonka had brought Melty Mint Munches and Lemon Popples. A rooster crowed in the distance as the tall candymaker from another dimension sat and had tea and toast with the colorful apple-farming ponies.

“So! Uh,” Applejack began, “How're you likin' Equestria, Mr. Wonka?”

“A veritable promised land, my dear,” the man replied. “A bright spot amongst the cosmos.”

“Uh... thanks,” Applejack replied. “Anyways, ain't no point in beatin' around the bush: we talked it over and we're all right with you startin' your own zap apple orchard at your factory-”

“Huzzah!” Wonka exclaimed.

“-but given that you're not from Equestria and all, we're not 100% certain that they'd grow properly! See, zap apples ain't like your normal apples – they're magical, and before they bear fruit there're signs, and birds, and lightnin' – it gets a little... unusual. Are ya still fine with buyin' zap apples knowin' that?”

“But of course. Just tell me what the trees need and I'll take notes.”

“All right! Let's get to the specifics. You got a parchment on ya...?”

They set to work, and soon had amicably traded the zap apple surplus and the knowledge of growing the trees for the entire bag of bits – the Apples offered to negotiate for a little less, but Wonka insisted on the whole shebang. “I'll be shoving off as soon as I have the apples,” the chocolatier explained, “And besides, 'it's health that's the real wealth – not pieces of gold and silver.'”

“Ain't it the truth!” Granny Smith agreed.

And so it was, on a cricket-filled evening, that Applejack loaded up Wonka's Great Glass Elevator with barrels of zap apples and crates of jam, aided by Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle. The glassy transparent sides of the elevator threw the colors of sunset about, the brassy frame glowing as if molten in the light. The box was fairly large and fortunately so; when the zap apples were loaded in alongside the armchair, bookshelf, sleeping cot, candy boxes and tea set, the lanky Wonka could scarcely squeeze himself in. As he lifted off into the night sky after gracious goodbyes, Pinkie Pie dabbed her blue eyes with a hoofkerchief. “There goes a true hero of candy,” she sniffed.

“It's incredible...” Twilight reflected. “To think that Equestria is surrounded by all sorts of different worlds, full of new friends.”

Applejack made a skeptical face at the sky.

“I wonder if the zap apples will grow all right,” Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin. “After all, they're a completely alien plant species... that no biome in Wonka's world has ever encountered before... from an entirely different world... and they're also magical.” There was a pause. “Uh, I think I'm going to head home, girls. I... have things to think about.” The purple alicorn made a hurried exit.

“Oh! Me too!” Pinkie Pie chirruped. “Like, what am I going to do with all these candy-making tips I got from Mr. Wonka?? I could have Spike write them down like in a book or something and make it available to all the candy makers in Equestria... or should I pass along the tips to Mr. and Mrs. Cake??? They're always on the lookout for this kind of stuff, even though they're mostly into pastry... what do you think Twilight... Twilight?” The pink pony turned to catch Twilight galloping off into the distance. “Huh. Well I'll ask her tomorrow.” The party planner smiled at Applejack. “Well, I guess I'll hit the hay too. You got it from here, AJ?”

The apple farmer nodded tiredly. “Sure am. I guess things worked out pretty well for Sweet Apple Acres, but I sure am glad this Wonka business is over.”

Pinkie Pie scrunched up her muzzle. “Wha...? How come you didn't like Mr. Wonka?? He was super nice and funny, and he knows so much about candy!!”

“I don't know...” Applejack thought. “He just seemed to... know too much. Like when he was lookin' at ya, he already had ya all figured out. To be honest, he gave me the-”

“The 'Willy's??” Pinkie giggled. Applejack laughed despite herself. “Yep.”

“Well, don't worry... he didn't seem to be in a hurry to come back to Equestria. So, I guess we'll never see him again.” Pinkie began backing toward town. For some reason, she stood on her hind legs and waggled her forehooves. “Surely we will never see him again!” As she disappeared from sight, faintly on the wind Applejack heard: “Suuuuurely we will never see him agaaaaain...”

Shaking her head, Applejack made her way back to her warm bed. Pinkie Pies would be Pinkie Pies.

In eight days, they saw him again.

Chapter 4: Wonka 2: Wonka Harder

“No!” Applejack stamped a hoof.

“But-” Wonka stammered.

“Nope!”

“It would only-”

“Uh-uh!”

“If you'd just-”

“Nothin' doin'!!!” Bright afternoon sunshine spilled down in between fat gray clouds, and Applejack picked up her egg collecting basket angrily – the basket she'd dropped when Wonka had gallivanted up the road with Twilight in tow and made the most ridiculous request she'd ever heard in her apple-picking life. The bits of dirt on the handle just made her more irritated. “Look, I'm sorry the zap apples ain't growin'! I truly am! We Apples all want to see more orchards! But there ain't no way, no how that I'm gettin' into that flyin' contraption to come and look!”

“Ms. Applejack!” The chocolatier persisted, face flushed. “I knew full well that the zap apples might not grow, but I simply can't abandon the attempt before I'm sure that I've tried absolutely everything!” He dodged out of the way as Applejack trotted by huffily with the basket. 'Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure!'”

“Don't go quotin' quotes at me!” Applejack retorted. “I'm sorry the zap apples aren't blossomin', but I ain't crossin' between worlds and stars and all that just to look!”

“This may be for the best, sir,” Twilight Sparkle offered, hovering at Wonka's eye level. “I don't think the princesses really had live plants in mind when you said you were after ingredients... and I might not have thought that all the way through. After all, we have no way to know what the effect of an escaped zap apple tree might be to your world!”

“Nonsense, dear lady, that's absurd!” Wonka gesticulated wildly. “Every care and precaution is taken – the strictest care! Zap apples pose no more danger to the world than the hat on Applejack's head! And fair Applejack, I'm not asking you to do this uncompensated!”

The apple farmer scoffed as she put up the basket in a shed, Wonka and Twilight following her like a sad parade. “There ain't enough bits in Equestria!”

“What about... this?” A book descended in front of Applejack's face, open to an illustrated page. After her eyes refocused, Applejack saw that it was a picture of an apple tree, but its fruits were perfectly round, and shining gold. The leaves of the tree were polished gold in hue, shaped like a half moon. The trunk of the tree, too, was gold, patterns in the bark making an angular labyrinth of maddening complexity.

Twilight fluttered over and peered over Applejack's shoulder. “This is the book that you wanted to bring from the library? I admit my knowledge of fruiting trees is less than it could be... Applejack, do you recognize it?”

Of course Applejack recognized it. In hushed and reverent tones amongst orchardfolk the world over, once in a blue moon, when the nights ran long and otherwise practical folk turned their minds to the mystical, talk would invariably turn to-

“The Golden Apple tree,” Applejack said. “An old apple-folk legend – a ponytale. They say the tree is older than the Princesses themselves, and the fruit cures every manner of hurt, malady, hex or curse – cures everythin' 'cept gettin' older. On top of that, they say the flavor of it is so grand that nopony could describe it. They say that any pony that eats one can never be truly unhappy again, because they always have the memory of that flavor to hold onto.”

Willy Wonka moved in front of the ponies, still holding the book before them. “So what I propose, Ms. Applejack, is this: you and any of your friends you'd care to bring join me in the Great Glass Elevator for one day. On that day, we'll fly all around Equestria to locate the Golden Apple Tree and bring it back to your farm. (You have to come with, you see, because you'll be able to verify the tree's identity, and will know how to transport its fruits back without harm.) If Golden Apple fruits or saplings are on your farm by the end of the day, you'll come with me to my factory for a short time, to see if anything can be done with the zap apples. And if not, I shall bid you adieu and depart, and shan't darken your doorstep anymore.”

Applejack pondered this, holding a hoof up to her mouth to hide her smirk. “One day?”

“One day.”

“To find a tree that nopony's sure is real?”

“Indeed!”

“And if we don't find it, you'll stop tryin' to get me to hop into a box and jump to another world or whatever?”

“Just so!”

The orange pony's eyes narrowed. “How can I be sure you won't just whisk us off to your factory once we're inside?”

“Good heavens!” Wonka exclaimed, mortified. “You lot are the magical horses here. Cast an enchantment on the elevator – tether it to Equestria for the journey, jinx me so that I turn into a newt if I try anything funny! My word is my bond, madam; whatever protections you decree, I will endure gladly!”

“Hmm...” Applejack smiled. He did have a fair point. He didn't seem to have much magic about him at all, and if Twilight came with, what could possibly go wrong?

A peal of thunder crackled overhead. “Sorry!” Ditzy Doo cried.

“Hold on a minute, you two!” Twilight cried, jumping in between Wonka and Applejack. “We're talking about sending an Equestrian citizen across dimensions, here! There's... well there aren't rules written for this yet, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be! The Princesses should have to sign off on this! We have to think of the ramifications! What about immunizations! We need to-”

“Deal!” Applejack cried.

“What?!” Twilight gasped. The apple farmer pulled her alicorn friend aside. “Look, Twi, there ain't no need for rules or, uh, immunizations – my pigs'll sprout wings and fly before we find a Golden Apple tree! Er... on their own, that is. You probably have a spell for that.”

“I feel like whenever we say things won't happen, they become more probable,” Twilight protested, glancing nervously at Pinkie.

“Look, come with us, and you can study his flyin' box, and when we don't find nothin' we can all get on with business! The Princesses won't even have to lift a hoof.”

“Hmm...”

“And heck, if by some chance we do find this tree, that'd be good for Equestria, right?”

“...Okay, fine,” Twilight acquiesced, turning on the grass to face Wonka. “But the 'inter-dimensional travel' part is officially 'pending royal approval!'”

“'The safety of the people shall be the highest law!'” Wonka quoted, nodding his head. “That sounds just fine. So... tomorrow morning?”

“Tomorrow morning?” Twilight turned to Applejack.

“Tomorrow morning!” Applejack agreed.

“Tomorrow morning!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed joyfully. “By the way, I'm so coming with you! Mr. Wonka! I didn't get to finish showing you around Ponyville! We still gotta visit Zecora, and the schoolhouse, and the bowling alley, and the dance school, and the cinnamon nuts stand, and...”

Chapter 5: Applequest

Applejack did not like having her hooves off the ground for long. When the Great Glass Elevator lifted off of the ground in the lemony morning sunshine and her farm fell away beneath her, her stomach twisted itself into a pretzel. When the chocolatier offered motion-sickness-curing candies, even she didn't hesitate to put a few down. “Did ya have to make the floors see-through??”

“But of course! It makes landing much safer. I'd hate to squash anyone again.” The interior of the glass elevator, covered in its legion of buttons, was furnished with Wonka's armchair and several large pillows for the ponies to lay on as they traveled. Applejack set out a morning repast of fruit and hearty breads with butter, while Pinkie Pie brought along a box of pastries and baked goods to see them through the rest of the day. As they began to move forward over the lush fields, Twilight sketched the elevator's controls and mechanisms and Pinkie bit into an improvised apple-jam-and-candy sandwich, seemingly unaffected by the motion of the elevator.

Applejack looked down across the fertile land beneath their hooves; the pastoral fields of Ponyville, the dark sea of leaves that was the Everfree forest, the mountains of Canterlot in the distance. “So,” she said. “What's yer plan on findin' the Golden Apple tree?”

“Simple,” the man said, sitting in his armchair and poking at a few directional buttons with the end of his cane. “We get very lost.”

“Come again?”

“Oh, I have Ponyville's location stored in the sucrose matrix. But if you're going to find something's that's lost, then you have to get lost to find it,” Wonka continued. “That's how I found Equestria, after all.”

“Er, what do you mean?” Twilight looked up from her sketchpad.

“Why, when I would leave my factory in the Great Glass Elevator to look for new candy flavors, I'd simply bash in some random numbers into the Dimensional Hopulator and whizz-bang, off I'd go!” The older man stared off into the distance. “My gracious but I've seen some things.”

“Wait,” Pinkie looked up from her sandwich. “If we always know how to get back to Ponyville, can we really get lo-”

“Onward to adventure!” Wonka bellowed.

The elevator wended and swooped over Equestria: past the Everfree Forest, then west over the Whitetail wood, and then a bit of a wobble back toward Ponyville, and then off west again, over the Smoky Mountains and beyond. Every now and then one of them thought they saw something unusual, and would call out to the others. Down the glass elevator would whizz, and everypony would hop out and survey the area. They managed to find a field of particularly colorful flowers that made everypony sneeze, a particularly large and ancient tree that turned out to be a very old maple, and a migration of golden butterflies, but no Golden Apple tree. Still, Applejack was glad for the chance to stretch her legs.

The evening sun was beginning to dip toward the horizon when Wonka suddenly stood and peered down through the glass. “Ah, what do we have here?”

The ponies peered down, following his gaze. By now they had traveled into mountains so thick and high that nothing more than lichen could survive. The sunset light turned the range beneath them into a zebra-striped magma ocean, but in one spot, in a small divot in the mountain range invisible to anypony not directly above it, there was a splotch of bright green, red, and orange. Wonka wended the Great Glass Elevator down through the chilly air until the mountains began to rise above them on all sides like a wall, flame colored in the sunlight, morose purple in the shade.

“It's... trees!” Applejack said, surprised. And so it was, a great glen of trees spread out beneath them, and what trees they were! There was a slender tree of silver bark with glowing cyan lines running up its trunk and into its canopy, where knobbly leaves glowed a fierce turquoise, cherry-sized fruits blazing like Hearth's Warming lights. There was a squat, gnarled tree the color of soot whose roots held it twenty feet above ground on a hundred stilts, curved black fruits curling up from under boughs thick with needles. Here, a tree whose bark appeared to be smoldering like an ember but emitted no smoke. Over there, a purplish barked tree that gently swayed to and fro although there appeared to be no breeze. All of the trees were bearing fruit or seeds, and no two were the same.

“Well then!” Wonka crowed. “What do you know – I think we're lost enough now! 'For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought!'”

Wonka expertly wove the glass elevator between the trees. Whenever the elevator passed underneath a tree's canopy, the sounds of falling fruit, seedpods and nuts drummed on the roof of the elevator, making them jump. The musty smell of old parchment filled the space as Twilight furiously flipped through an old tome. “I thought I'd seen these trees before! That dark tree with the elevated trunk and the needles is a Coalfruit tree! Its fruits are written to have burned for a week straight in a brazier like a piece of coal! It was a common heat source in the early days of Equestria, in the north. The book says Coalfruit stopped being used after all known orchards caught fire in a short span of time. Believing that the trees had become unstable, ponies stopped growing them.”

The purple unicorn princess flipped through more pages in a blur. “And that tree there, with the lumpy trunk and those yellow fruits! It's a Journey Willow! The seeds of the tree are written to have filled a pony with energy to gallop for half a day with just a mouthful! During the Reign of Discord, the Nopony messengers would use these seeds to run great distances in a day without stopping...” Twilight's brow furrowed. “... Until a great fire destroyed all known Journey Willow groves.” She flipped through entry after entry. “Fire, fire, fire... rockslide, fire, fire... almost all the entries in the book end by describing how all known orchards of these rare magical trees were destroyed, most often by fire! And afterwards, nopony could find any of the trees again, no matter how hard they searched.”

The ponies looked out of the walls of the elevator again in the dusky darkness of the grove. Now it seemed quite obvious how regularly the trees were spaced from one another, how short the grass was between them, how clean the ground was despite every tree bearing some manner of fruit or seedpod.

“This is an orchard!” Applejack exclaimed. “Somepony has gathered together all of these here rare trees and, and...”

“And protected them from the fires maybe?” Pinkie Pie wondered.

Before the hypothesis could be discussed further, a golden glow began to fill the Great Glass Elevator. It was a like the first sunrise of a long, well-earned vacation. It was like waking up in a comfy bed and remembering some distasteful errand you had to do, only to then remember that you'd already done it yesterday. It was like visiting a town on a trip only to discover that you'd found home. Willy Wonka smiled as broad as a sunrise himself and leaned against his crushed velvet armchair. He pushed open the door of the elevator with his walking stick.

The ponies filed out with trepidation and not a little awe. Towering above them fifteen ponies high, gleaming gold from root to canopy, stood the Golden Apple Tree. Its bark was emblazoned with glowing gold lines, which ran next to one another at strict angles in patterns precise and perfectly positioned. When the breeze fluttered its half-moon leaves, they made a sound like whispered reassurances. The tree was heavily laden down with spherical golden apples, and the scent in the air was like a thunderstorm stirred into a barrel of cider. Breathing in the air caused a rush of revitalization from the ponies' ears to the bottoms of their hooves, awakening the mind and soothing cramped legs.

“Wow,” Applejack sat down heavily and boggled at the mythic tree. As Twilight and Pinkie Pie inspected it, golden apples began to fall, landing on the ground with a soft poomf.

“Awww, look! I think it likes us!” Pinkie cried, bouncing around erratically. She soon got herself in the way of a falling golden apple that bounced off her forehead. “Ow!” she cried, her voice hurtling off between the trees.

“Pinkie, hush!” Twilight admonished. “Although, you could be on to something.” Twilight trotted to the next tree over, which had a trunk smooth and red as copper. The unicorn trotted underneath the tree; as she did so, blue lemon-shaped fruit fell and bounced off the grassy lawn behind her. Once she was clear of the tree, the fruits stopped falling.

“Surely the trees don't mean to attack?” Wonka rejoined everypony by the golden apple tree, carrying some sacks and fruit bins from the elevator.

“No, I don't think that's it,” Twilight mused. “Trees are alive, and these ancient ones even more so. These trees are all bearing fruit, but there's nopony here to take them and plant new trees with them - new orchards!”

“And it don't look like nopony's been sellin' 'em, either,” Applejack looked around contemplatively. “These here branches are so loaded down that they're bendin' fit to break! A responsible orchard keeper wouldn't let trees just sit like that!”

Willie Wonka strode under the Golden Apple tree and gave an eloquent bow, deftly catching a golden apple out of the air as he straightened up. He held it up in his fingers and admired it in the shining light, then turned to the others. “Well, let's not dilly-dally any longer, eh? Any further contemplating we can do whilst gathering up some of these fruits! Or do you think we can remove the entire tree, Ms. Applejack? The elevator's a tough old girl, she can take it!” He and the others began to gather the golden apples. They were smooth to the touch, and gave off a heavenly fragrance.

“Um...” Pinkie pondered, juggling three golden apples on her poofy tail. “Wouldn't that be kind of... stealing? I mean, we don't know who put the trees here or why, right?”

“Stealing?!” Applejack stamped a hoof. “Why, these trees were meant for everypony in Equestria! And not just ponies, neither! It's just plain wrong to keep these trees from growin' new ones!”

“I agree, Applejack, but I think it's only right that we take a look around to see if anypony's here,” Twilight said. “If nopony's here, then maybe these trees were brought here for protection afterall, long ago. But if someone is, we should listen to why they did this.”

“Ooh! I can help see if somepony's here!” Pinkie Pie sidled up to Twilight and, in a theatrical fashion, exclaimed: “But Twilight! This orchard is, so huge! How are we to find, whomever put these trees here?! It's not like they're just going to, come walking up to us to say hello!”

At that very moment, in the distance, there was a sound like a manticore trying to gargle an avalanche, and the ground beneath their hooves began to tremble. Through the spaces between the trees and through the boughs they could soon see a huge shape drawing nearer and nearer.

“Are you all sure that Twilight is the magical one?” Wonka murmured to Applejack.

“We try not to talk about it much,” she replied.

A great green dragon sauntered up to the assembled party, its head and wings reaching well above the canopy of the trees. Its eyes blazed with amethyst fire, its scales were immaculate and tightly fitted, its wings free of holes and tears, the teeth of its tapered snout all neat and clean. Bathing them all in a disdainful look, the dragon spoke:

“Greetings... sneakthieves.”

Chapter 6: Bad Times at 8000 Feet

A very long four seconds passed. Wonka turned to the others.

“My goodness, that's a dragon.”

The serpent's eyes narrowed. “I am Chalco'Zok. I have given the slip to the tide of history in order to build up the rarest and most wondrous hoard ever known to dragonkind! While common wryms simply lie on a vulgar pile of gold and gems, I've collected only what is truly rare- my ancient mystical trees.”

“Where they rare when you started collecting 'em?” Applejack cried.

“Applejack!” Twilight hissed.

Chalco'Zok's maw opened in a fanged grin. “Rare is rare. I made sure of it myself. My labors of fire took centuries to complete!” The dragon strode around them in a circle, weaving between the trees like a huge cat. The branches shrank away from the serpent's hide as he moved past, and no fruits would fall. “In the end the result is what you see here: this beautiful enclave of powerful magical species, tamed by me, kept by me, known only to me. I took the legends of every healer and alchemist born before or since and brought them all to myself!” The creatures eyes burned with avarice, until a sudden clank near its feet broke it out of its reverie. It glanced downward, to where its foreleg had bumped the Great Glass Elevator.

“Uh-! Mr. Chalco'Zok, sir!” Twilight took to the air and swooped up in front of the dragon's snoot, diverting his attention from the very smashable elevator. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, Equestria's Princess of Friendship! My friends and I were seeking the Golden Apples, it's true, but we didn't know at the time that this was your... um, personal grove. For that I am sorry.”

The dragon looked the purple pony over. “An alicorn. I hadn't noticed your puny wings. I thought you were just fat.”

“Well, anyway I'm sure that we can come to some sort of mutually beneficial-”

“These trees are fixin' to burst with all these fruits!” Applejack protested from below. Chalco'Zok glanced down as if at an ant that had crawled on his forepaw. “Ancient and magic as they might be, no tree can keep this up forever! It ain't natural for a tree to hold onto seeds like this, and if you don't let 'em go, pretty soon you ain't gonna have any trees at all!”

“Please, Mr. Chalco'Zok,” Twilight pleaded, “You've made this grove into your home, and we have no business to tell you to change that, but the seeds and fruits of these trees could improve the lives of everypony in Equestria – not just ponies, either, but griffons and dragons and all other manner of creatures! Won't you negotiate a fair exchange for these seeds?”

The great green dragon looked up to the sunset sky for awhile, scratching under his chin with his huge claws, before turning back to Twilight with a grin as wicked and implacable as an obsidian stone.

“What did you say you were the princess of?”

“Friendship?” Twilight replied.

“Princess of Friendship?” Chalco'Zok threw back his head and barked out cruel mocking laughter. “I can see that the world outside has grown soft as a rotten Rubypod since I founded my orchard. Sell my seeds and dilute the rarity of my collection? I think not. And you!” Applejack cried out in alarm as Chalco'Zok plucked her off the ground in one of his mitts, leering at her. “You presume to tell me how to keep trees?! Were you to live a dozen lifetimes more you could not hope to match me!”

“Hey! Nopony picks on our Applejack!” Pinkie Pie bounded goat-like up the dragon to land on its nose, glowering.

“And what can you possibly do about it?” Chalco'Zok sneered.

“If you don't put her down I'ma let you have a taste of my patented Pinkie Pie Tactical Close-Range Confetti Cannon!” The pink party pony proclaimed.

“... What?”

KA-THOOM! Pinkie reached back (nopony was quite sure where) and planted her signature Party Cannon on the dragon's snoot, where it blasted a huge cloud of confetti and streamers. Roaring in surprise, Chalco'Zok toppled over backwards, dropping Applejack who was swooped up by Twilight Sparkle. With a “Wheeee!” Pinkie bounced off of the falling dragon (to where the Party Cannon went nopony could say) and landed atop the Great Glass Elevator as it vaulted into the air, Willie Wonka leaning out. “Get in, get in!” He cried to Twilight, who awkwardly flapped inside, dropping Applejack upside-down on Wonka's armchair. Pinkie swung herself inside as Wonka shut the door.

A gold gleam caught Applejack's eye as she righted herself, tail flopping. “You managed to get a bag of golden apples!”

“Oh yes!” Wonka cried, working the manual controls. “And I'd very much like to save the rest of these poor trees as well. But best to get some distance between us and the dragon for now!”

Applejack peered around the buttons to where Chalco'Zok was getting up. He'd fallen into a very round, barrel-like tree with six huge branches spindled out from the top of its trunk. In the fall the dragon had broken off one of the branches and was currently holding it in his claws with a look of shock. When the wyrm turned his attention to them again, his eyes were burning hot as forges.

“More distance!” Applejack cried. “Lots more distance, now!”

The Great Glass Elevator shot up into the air like a rocket, catching the light of the sunset, and in an explosion of leaves the dragon followed. Who knew what sorts of magical and fortifying things the serpent had been eating off of his stolen trees; whatever they'd been the ponies soon found Chalco'Zok closing the distance between them with terrifying alacrity.

“Uh, how well does this thing hold up to dragonfire?” Applejack whimpered.

“Oh, miserably!” Wonka said pleasantly. “Why, it would melt. It's made of sugar, after all – we'd be caramelized on the spot. We'd go into his gullet like a bunch of candy buttons.”

“Why did you make this elevator out of sugar!” Applejack neighed.

“INCOMING!” Pinkie Pie yelled as Chalco'Zok stretched his massive wings forward and snapped them back, sending his body screaming forward in a mid-air lunge.

Inertia squashed everypony to the ground as Wonka popped the elevator straight up into the air like a cork. “Not to worry, dear ones!” The dapper chocolatier cried, “'Let us pray not to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them!'” The transparent floor below lit up a bright orange as a gout of fire flew up at them from below. “... Hmm.”

Twilight's horn flashed violet, and a glowing half-dome appeared underneath the elevator. For a moment everything around them was naught but fire as the dragon's breath sloughed off the magic shield. “I don't know, Mr. Wonka – shelter can be pretty useful!” Pinkie Pie observed.

“Quite right, Ms. Pie! But now is the time for fearlessness!” The chocolatier set the elevator winging horizontally once again, rotating around so the elevator door faced Chalco'Zok, who glittered like a dragonfly against the white rocky peaks below, rapidly gaining altitude as he wheeled around and followed them.

“Are you crazy?!” Applejack cried. “What're you gonna do, throw bon-bons at him?!”

“Twilight can't you just turn him into a butterfly or something?” Pinkie Pie cried, eating a bon-bon.

The alicorn's eyes darted around. “Let's see... transfiguration... too slow considering his speed... Caponycus' Greater Holding? No... Ah! I've got it! Hockrates' Sluggishness should slow him down enough for us to make our getaway! Mr. Wonka, the door please!” The purple prodigy hopped over to the elevator door, which opened with a blast of icy air that made everypony's eyes water. Leaning forward, Twilight's horn flashed and a moody periwinkle beam shot forth, hitting Chalco'Zok head on. Pinkie Pie and Applejack cheered, but Twilight stared in confusion. She fired more spells as the serpent drew near, and soon everyone could see Twilight's spells skittering and bouncing off of Chalco'Zok's scales.

“I don't understand!” Twilight cried, firing off a volley of a dozen different colors of magic. “Why isn't it working?!”

Over the roar of the wind Chalco'Zok's derisive laughter could be heard. “The princess has neglected her herb-lore! A pity you didn't spend more time reading!”

“WHAT?!” Twilight sputtered. But then the dragon was upon them and the outside world was nothing but green scales. Crying out, Pinkie Pie and Applejack pulled their friend inside. There was a horrible lurch and a sound like a giant rake being dragged over a chalkboard, and then they were spinning in the air like a top, pinned to the sides of the walls as stray candies, their picnic basket, and a portion of Wonka's furniture went flying out the door and into the great wide yonder. When the spinning finally stopped, there was a set of three massive claw marks running all the way down one side of the elevator's walls and up half of another. Bits of sugar glittered in the wind from the edges of the scratches as they blew away. Wonka stared at them aghast, clutching the sides of his hair. “My elevator! My beautiful great glass elevator!”

“We're fine too, by the way!” Applejack barked as she helped Twilight to her hooves. Pinkie Pie leaned out the open door, looking very green.

“He's coming back!” Twilight peered at the dragon twisting in mid-air to make another pass in the distance. “We should land – find somewhere to come up with a plan!”

“Perhaps, perhaps my dear, but I've a few surprises up my sleeves as well!” Wonka shuffled through the debris and set up two small casks about the size of a pony's head in front of the open door, shooing Pinkie Pie aside. “Now then!” he clapped his hands. “If I know my vicious brutes – and I've known a few in my day – this dragon is going to next come and breathe fire right into the open door here. In order to do that he'll have to be fairly close by, so when he opens his jaws I'd like you, Applejack, to buck these barrels into the dragon's maw! Your friends in town say you're quite the marksman. Er... markspony.”

“And just how do you know that he'll breathe fire instead of smashin' this literal sugar-cube into bits?!” Applejack retorted.

“Simple – the only reason we'd leave the door open above these jagged mountains is if the door were broken or we were crazy. The dragon also either thinks this elevator is made of plain glass, or sugar.”

“Um... and...?” Twilight encouraged.

“So, if the dragon smashes the elevator, he's going to have to go through all of the trouble of picking our broken bodies out of the rocks below,” Wonka explained calmly. “We'd be all raw and frosted over, whereas if he cooks us alive here in the elevator, either we'll be nicely roasted in a glass oven, or coated in a delicious carmelized glaze. That's certainly how I'd do it.”

The ponies stared at him. “Hoop!” Pinkie stuck her muzzle into an empty bag.

“And besides, this isn't a cube, it's a rectangular prism. All right, here he comes! Quickly now Applejack, and good luck!”

“Bwah!” Applejack lurched forward and got into bucking position as she saw the dragon drawing near with a particularly fiery look in his eyes. True to Wonka's prediction, when he was a little closer he opened his maw, an orange glow rising. Applejack closed one eye, squinted, and kicked twice. Soaring and spinning through the frosty air, the twin barrels shot down the dragon's mouth. Chalco'Zok's eyes flew open and he went tumbling down, coughing and sputtering... and then floated up past the elevator and into the sky, as if drawn up by a thousand balloons. The dragon looked up at his stationary wings, down at the ground, then over to the elevator falling away beneath him, and began to wriggle his legs and flap his wings. He managed to scoot himself above the elevator and shoot an ineffectual jet of flame down toward the roof, but it was all for naught; up and up he ascended, bellowing in confusion. Soon a measure of peace was attained, and the only sounds were those of the wind outside and everypony catching their breath.

“What was in those barrels?!” Pinkie Pie inquired, tossing a bag out the door.

“Fizzy Lifting Drinks!” Wonka closed the door with a snik and wheeled their strange contraption around. “Delightful stuff- one of my finest inventions really. Goes down with a tickle and makes one wonderfully light on their feet – literally. Great for hard workers and those crazy kids that like to run on walls. Of course, if one is a greedy-guts they'll become altogether too light on their feet. Ergo: floating green dragon.”

Pinkie Pie pressed her hooves nervously against the elevator walls as the razor-tipped mountains below gave up their sunset light to a dull purple as the sun threatened to drop below the horizon. “Uh, Mr. Wonka? I'm pretty sure Equestria was back the other way.”

“It was indeed, but notre travail n'est pas terminé, my friends – our work is not complete!'' The ponies looked down to see that the chocolatier had maneuvered them back to the hidden orchard.

“What in the name of Aunt Lucille's Cornbread did you take us back down here for?!” Applejack cried out.

“I can't have my Fizzy Lifting Drinks sending people up through the stratosphere!” Wonka scolded. “At a certain height the effect begins to gently wear off; our reptilian friend will be right as rain in a few minutes. And if he thought that we'd escaped, and were off to tell your gracious princesses about this orchard, what do you think a covetous lout like him would do?”

After a beat, Twilight's eyes widened. “You're right... if he thought that soon the Royal Guard would be coming to retrieve these seeds, he might decide instead to set this whole orchard on fire!”

“'If I can't have them, nobody can,'” Wonka nodded.

“So we need to get these seeds!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“Yeah, I see yer point,” Applejack acquiesced. Seeing all of these rare trees lost along with all the benefits they could provide to ponykind was too great of a risk to take. “Let's do this then – fast!”

Chapter 7: Do You Taste Like Snozzberries

Unceremoniously, a lot of the remaining candy got dumped into a communal gunny-sack so that their boxes and packages could be used to store magic seeds and fruits. As Applejack grabbed a brown box tied with a blue ribbon, Wonka plucked it out of her teeth and tucked it into his waistcoat.

“Not this one, Applejack my dear; I have a feeling we'll be needing this for later,” Wonka said.

What followed was a lightning orchard tour as the ponies and human zipped from tree to tree and stuffed their produce away in the elevator. Twilight weaved magic around the scratch marks left by Chalco'Zok to mitigate against further harm, and gave fruit-handling precautions from her book as necessary. Applejack got a shock from a Rawkberry, Wonka ended up with a few Parkaburrs stuck to his sleeve that wouldn't dislodge for anything, and Pinkie kept tasting things that proved inedible, but other than that they were able to secure seeds and fruits from every tree in the orchard only seconds before, faint upon the frozen mountain air, the sound of a heinous, resounding belch was heard.

“Right on schedule.” Wonka put away his golden pocket-watch and ushered everypony into the elevator. “All aboard, my Easter-colored equines! Time to soar with the eagles! The Fizzy Lifting Drinks have worn off!”

They'd sailed up and out of the ravine again and had just reached top speed back toward Equestria proper when they met Chalco'Zok again, descending a quarter mile away. Glowing purple pinpricks glinted in the gloom as the serpent raked the elevator with a wrathful gaze... and then he turned his head away and flew back toward the grove. It seemed that Wonka's predictions were about to come true.

Applejack gazed back and pressed a hoof against the side of the elevator, chiding herself for not being the one to think of going back for the seeds. Any minute now, that grove was going to be in ashes, and who knew what sort of trouble that dragon was going to get up to in retaliation. Everypony in the elevator was quiet – Wonka manually piloting and looking over the mountains with a thoughtful expression, Twilight working some more on the elevator's scratches, and Pinkie Pie sprawled on top of the gunny sack of candy, finally coming down off of her day-long sugar rush.

Applejack turned her head at the feeling of a hoof on her shoulder. “Maybe you shouldn't look,” Twilight said. “I can keep watch.”

“Aww, I'm all right, Tw-” Applejack squinted out the rear of the elevator. “What's up with them clouds?”

“Eh?” Twilight followed her gaze. The sun dropped below the horizon, and as the sky dulled to red and purple, the ponies could see that a large cloud bank hugging a few mountain peaks was developing a sort of “V” of clear air, almost as if it were being cut in half like a loaf of bread. The tip of this “V” was pointed right at them like an accusatory finger, and soon the clouds had been cleft in two. A blur skated over the darkening mountains.

“You don't think...?” Applejack croaked.

Twilight fished a spyglass out of her pack and peered out the window. The alicorn made a sound like a duck with bronchitis and turned to Wonka. “Wonka, we have to go fa-”

But it was too late. A sound like a roaring fire grew outside, and even as Applejack watched, a green blur shot up at them, so quickly that the eye could see naught but the places where it had been a few instants before.

“DOOODGE!” Applejack cried, too late, as Chalco'Zok the dragon launched up underneath the Great Glass elevator and snapped his jaws around its bottom. Candy elevator buttons flew off the walls as the dragon's fangs punched through the candy glass, and the inertia of his flight send them all rocketing skyward, slamming everypony to the floor.

“He wasn't this fast!” Pinkie Pie groaned atop her squashed bag of candy. “Why is he this fast?!”

Applejack looked nervously down into Chalco'Zok's gullet, his tongue lashing obscenely at the underside of the elevator. The walls creaked as cracks began forming around the bottom walls, snaking down to the floor. She was able to get a very good view of the wyrm's dentistry and, where before his teeth had been clean, now they were stained a weird shade of mulberry. Toward the back were twigs and mashed up seeds between his molars. “He wasn't headin' back to burn the orchard – he went and ate somethin' to make him fast enough to catch us! Speed seeds!”

Fighting against the extreme inertia, Wonka rose to his feet and swung the head of his cane up toward the elevator's ceiling, looping it through a hatch handle that he pulled down. Leather straps and hand-holds tumbled down from the top. As their ascent began to slow, Twilight's horn flashed and the boxes and bags of precious seeds bundled themselves together. A purple orb formed around them, which Twilight stuck to the ceiling like a wad of chewing gum. A loud CROKLE rang out as the floor of the elevator burst into a spiderweb of cracks, “Grab hold of the straps, my dears, and hold on tight!” Wonka cried. “This is about to get exciting!” Applejack found herself hoisted off the floor and into straps, one for each of her forehooves and a third within biting range. Pinkie had somehow managed to form hers into a snug-looking harness, and Twilight and Wonka were still scrambling into theirs when, just as the ascent of the elevator reached its apex, the dragon tore the bottom of the elevator off with a wrench of his sinuous neck, and gracefully spiraled downward amidst a shower of sugar glass.

Frozen air punched the wind out of everypony's lungs as Wonka, with one foot and his tucus in a leather strap, wrenched the manual controls forward again to speed away Equestria-wards. The ponies cried out involuntarily as the dagger-like mountain peaks menaced them far below like a hungry mouth of granite and ice.

“Rrgh!” Twilight cried, orienting herself horn-downwards. The elevator flashed with searing lavender light as the alicorn fired lasers with the unnering accuracy of a recreational mathematics enthusiast, but as before, the beams skittered and skated off of the dragon's scales as he almost lazily followed the elevator below, having no trouble keeping up even at top speed.

“Twilight!” Applejack cried. “Can't you just zap us back to Canterlot or somethin??”

The purple alicorn tapped her forehead with a hoof , staring at the dragon. “With all the different individual ponies and seeds and Wonka and elevator mechanisms, I'm not sure even I could pull that off under these circumstances, but...” Her gaze lit up! “But no! There's the Euclydesdean method of teleporting whole areas of space rather than targeting specific objects! I'm not as practiced with it, and it takes awhile to cast, but it could allow us to lose the dragon! “ The alicorn's horn began to glow.

Wonka's cane crossed her chest with a thwap. “'Notable talents are not necessarily connected with discretion!'” The human cried. “Look below my dear violet horse! Look closely at how the dragon flies!”

The ponies peered down at the dragon in the failing light. The serpent below was circling below the elevator as quickly as if somepony had strapped the beast to a giant propeller. Round, round, round round round he went, so fast that he sometimes seemed to almost be popping in and out of sight as the ponies' eyes lost track of him. Whirlwinds of snow and ice followed behind him as they flew.

“The dragon is still under the effects of the 'speed seeds,'” the candymaker explained. “If he were to see your magic spell, he might have the sense to fly up and smash the elevator in the blink of an eye, but fortunately for us he's making a game of our plight, waiting for us to fall so that he can gobble us out of the air like brownies. 'Bad pride is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance.'”

“But if we're not teleporting, then what?!” Pinkie Pie said.

“Delivering!” Wonka said, taking out the brown box with blue ribbon he'd tucked into his coat. “I think these will solve our problem, but he'll be wary of any packages from the elevator after the Fizzy Lifting drinks, so I'll need to deliver this hidden away in my coat as he gobbles me up!”

“And then I can teleport you back up here!” Twilight shouted over the roar of the wind through the bottom of the elevator. “You'll need fireproofing too!”

“Yeah, but what if the dragon only, like... half eats you?!” Applejack interjected.

“And won't he see Twilight casting the spell? I thought that was a bad thing!” Pinkie Pie added. By this point, everypony was shivering as the bitter mountain air continued to howl inside the broken elevator, and a little icicle was forming on the end of Pinkie's mane.

“Not to worry, I've thought of everything!” Wonka said. “I've pushed the Glucomotor far beyond safe limits, and soon it will explode in a most wondrous fashion! When it does, Twilight must cast her fireproofing on me, and then I shall 'fall' out the elevator. The dragon shall miss our slight-of-horn entirely, and be so eager for his meal that he'll snap me up without hesitation!”

“Nopony answered my 'half eaten' question!” Applejack pressed. “And did you say 'explode?!'”

“But... Mr. Wonka, when sugar encounters high heat it melts, not explodes!” Twilight protested.

“Which is why I specifically made sure that it wouldexplode,” Wonka explained, as if to a filly.

“I vote 'no' on blowin' up the elevator!” Applejack shouted. This was it. They'd signed on with a madman after all. She should have listened to her gut!

“Seconded!” Pinkie Pie said, eyes wide.

“Oh for heaven's sake!” The chocolatier shouted. “It's only the part of the elevator that allows us to move for- oh there it goes-”

A fifty-foot flare of red flames and sugar dust blew out from the top of the elevator, a cacophonous explosion starting avalanches on every peak around them as the Great Glass Elevator wobbled and rocked to a halt, a great burning cloud of fire hanging in the air behind them.

“I never got to start that experimental acre of lemons!” Applejack wailed. There was a minute-long second as the apple farmer opened her eyes, and saw Wonka's straps hanging empty. She looked to her right, seeing Twilight's horn flashing and burning with purple light, her eyes gaining arcane luminescence. Pinkie Pie was hugging her hooves to herself, all wrapped up in the straps and staring down through the bottom of the elevator anxiously. She looked down. Far below them was a blossom of flame, against which was framed a gangly man, top hat long lost to the fickle winds. He tucked his limbs into a cannonball, the dragon's jaws snapped through the fire, and he was eaten.

Chapter 8: I Would Still Plant My Apple Tree

And then, with a violet flash, Wonka reappeared! He frantically grabbed for some straps, secured himself, patted down his breast pocket, and then grinned at everypony, throwing one of his short “fingers” up in what appeared to be a positive gesture. “Viola!” He looked downward to where the dragon appeared to be chewing vigorously. “Who would like to hear which of my wonderful creations is going to get us out of this predicament probably?”

“S-so glad you're r-right, W-w-Wonka,” Applejack shivered. “But can't that wait until-”

“Well!” Wonka continued, “I developed a marvelous sort of chewing gum for hard workers that often don't have time for nourishing meals. It delivers all the nutrition and satisfaction of a full three-course meal – and all of the flavor, of course. There've been... complications, in the past, but over the years I finally perfected the art of making them – they did a number on world hunger, I can tell you that. Anyway, the gum is perfectly safe now as long as one doesn't, say, eat an entire box at once.”

The chocolatier glanced downward at the dragon, who from this distance didn't seem much affected, apart from perhaps looking a little more distracted. “Right now I'd wager the dragon is marveling at how much I taste like a savory French Onion Soup, and then, a hot Beef Sandwich Au Jus.”

Pinkie Pie leaned over to Applejack. “What's 'beef?'” She whispered. Applejack shrugged.

“And finally,” Wonka concluded, his voice rising in speed and volume, “strawberry pie with whipped cream for dessert. Have one piece, and it's a lovely meal. But eat a whole box of 153 pieces, and – yes, YES!” The human leapt in his harnesses and pulled Twilight to him in a mad mania, pointing down at Chalco'Zok excitedly. “There, look!”

The dragon was having difficulty flying, his movement speed decreasing. The serpent glanced at himself first in curiosity, then alarm as his stomach began ballooning outward.

“He's inflating like a balloon!” Pinkie Pie cried.

“Strawberry!” Wonka corrected.

“He's turnin' into a strawberry?” Applejack said as Chalco'Zok sank out of the sky, his scales turning from green, to brown, and then to red as he continued to swell into a distinctly strawberry-like shape, wings and legs kicking uselessly out at his sides.

“Strawberry...” Twilight mused. Far, far below there was a puff of snow around the beast as it came to ground. For a few seconds everypony just looked at one another, leather straps creaking in the silence.

“Uh. Did we win?” Applejack inquired.

Wonka began gently bringing the elevator down. “Yes indeed, friends,” he said. I should think that our dragon friend has been quite pacified now.”

“So why are we landing??” Applejack persisted.

“Why, so we can lend aid to the lout, of course – providing he sees sense,” Wonka replied as the broken bottom of the elevator crunched into the cold mountain snow not too far from the berrydragon. “Also, the elevator could have only flown for a few more minutes before we all crashed horribly. Ms. Sparkle, can you perhaps send up an emergency SOS on our behalf...?”

“Oh! Of course. Now that things have settled a bit I can use some bottled dragonfire to relay a message back to Spike.” The purple alicorn disentangled her saddle bags from where they'd been stuck together with the seed boxes.

Some moments later, the party approached the dragon, which was more closely a giant strawberry some twenty feet high, with wriggling dragon limbs attached to it. They circled around to Chalco'Zok's head, which to their amusement had remained bright green.

“Hargle blargle blarr!” The dragon said in a gurgly tone, its eyes wide with panic.

“Now now, never fear!” Wonka said, rapping the dragon's belly chummily with his cane. “You shan't be a strawberry forever, once you've been properly de-juiced. We've some help coming from the palace soon, and we'll be happy to get you back on your feet again, provided you're willing to be reasonable!”

“Hooplarg!” Chalco'Zok replied, nodding his head frantically.

Wonka glanced at Twilight, who stepped forward. “Mr. Chalco'Zok,” she said. “You shall keep your orchard of rare trees, but will sell the seeds and fruits to Equestria at a fair price, so that everyone might enjoy their benefits. No harm is to come to any of the magical trees, and in turn you will remain owner and curator of your grove. Also, the seeds and fruits we currently have in our elevator are ours, as reparation for the trouble you caused. Does this seem fair?”

Chalco'Zok nodded again, more somberly.

~~~

A few days later, at Sweet Apple Acres, the Apple family, Twilight and Spike were clustered around a large hexagonal mirror on the kitchen table.

“Are we really gonna talk with Mr. Wonka in a whole other world?” Applebloom breathed.

“That will depend on the ambient magic energy in Wonka's reality,” Twilight replied, making a few adjustments. “I think it's likely the mirror will work – otherwise how could he have built an inter-dimensional flying elevator out of sugar? I think this was a good compromise for sending Applejack.”

“I'm real sad I couldn't make the trip,” Applejack said with sarcasm thick as cheesecake.

At that moment, the magic mirror on the kitchen table flashed and began to glow with a bright violet light, eliciting awed “ooohs.” After a moment, the purple glow faded out and a scene came into view: A field of freshly sprouted Zap Apple trees, with three golden saplings growing in the middle of them. The trees appeared to be housed inside a huge building of sorts, and in the distance huge paned windows let in pale light through walls of red brick. A man who was not Wonka was peering curiously into the mirror as the scene came into view – unlike him, this one appeared to be younger; his face was smooth and unlined, his hair a bright gold color, and his eyes a grayish-blue. A simple green cap sat atop his head. He wore a suit of green with no overcoat, and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to the elbow. Suspenders with buttons of brass shaped like wrapped candies were the only adornment on his person, and his face bespoke earnestness and honesty.

As the picture solidified, his voice cut in. “-r's started to activate. I think that these saplings have somehow – oh! Ah, hello there! Land sakes, you're really all colorful ponies! Wow, but your... eyes are big. Can you hear me?” His face was a picture of wonderment.

“Howdy!” Applejack said. Everypony else echoed Applejack's greeting, and gave their names. “Charlie. Charlie Bucket,” the man on the other side of the mirror offered in turn, doffing his cap. “Hold on one minute – Willy's going to be thrilled. Willy! Willy, come quick – the mirror's working!”

From out in the distance Willy Wonka came jogging, spry as ever, once again in his fancy purple garb.

“Wild success! Beyond our wildest dreams!” He settled in front of the mirror next to Charlie and threw an arm over his shoulder. “This, dear hearts, is Charlie Bucket, owner and proprietor of my factory and my most worthy heir.”

“As soon as Wonka planted the golden apples, their saplings came up like daisies,” Charlie elaborated, glancing over his shoulder to where the saplings stood like three rods of sunshine. “Then there was a terrific crash of thunder from the Zap Apple seeds, and whizz-bang! Zap Apple orchard! Not a moment later, and on comes the mirror!”

“No kiddin'!” Applejack said. “That seems to be how it's goin' over here, concernin' the Golden Apples and all. Seems to take a whole apple before a sapling will sprout, but once you plant one, you get a sapling just like that!” She thought of the place just out back of the house, where their Golden Apple tree had taken to the soil like a fawn to a meadow, and now in the late afternoons the sun would reflect off the tree's half-moon leaves, suffusing the kitchen in aurous light.

“Mr. Wonka, Mr. Bucket,” Twilight chimed in. “You say that the Zap Apples and the mirror didn't work until the Golden Apple saplings had sprouted?”

“Just so!” They both said in unison.

“I see,” Twilight's brow furrowed. “It could be that these golden apples carry Equestrian magic within them. If the mirror didn't activate until the golden apple trees grew...” The purple alicorn paced back and forth. “We'd hoped that your magical climate would be compatible with Equestrian plants in controlled conditions, but now I fear that perhaps the Golden Apples have introduced Equestrian magic into your world – perhaps they're even generating it.” Twilight swiped the quill and scroll from Spike and jotted down notes, looking unhappy. “A magic generating plant is unheard of, even in arcane herblore. We may well have introduced a foreign magic into your world, one whose effects we couldn't possibly predict!” Twilight shouted, pressing her hooves against her cheeks.

“Oh yes, that's exactly what's happened,” Wonka replied matter-of-factly.

“Oh, absolutely,” Charlie concurred.

Seeing the stricken look on Twilight's face as she faced down the possibility of a calamitous inter-dimensional domino-effect, Charlie gave a reassuring smile. “Your Highness, I implore you, don't worry about us here. After all, Wonka's been at his wanderings for years now – we've all manner of fantastic things in here, from all over everything. This place is more than just a factory – it's a home to thousands of plants, beasts, rocks, hats, and peoples – very few of whom originated here.”

In the background, a short fellow with orange skin and green hair walked by with a watering can, giving a wave to the mirror before continuing on his way.

“Well... I suppose that's true,” Twilight said, somewhat mollified. “Still, we'll keep in communication, won't we? I'll move this mirror to my castle after we're done here, and if anything starts to get... strange, contact us right away, won't you?”

“Count on it,” Charlie nodded.

For a moment, nopony spoke. A bee buzzed in through the kitchen window and settled on a little speck of Zap Apple jam that Applebloom had missed on the stove top. Big Mac stared off into space, silently re-evaluating his understanding of reality and the cosmos. Applebloom was busy staring at everything in the strange world beyond, Spike was taking notes, Twilight was lost in thought, and Granny Smith seemed to be drifting off to sleep despite herself. Applejack pushed a little wrapped candy around on the tabletop with a forehoof. It was one of the last of the first ever batch of Zap Apple Dandy candies made by Wonka, who couldn't stop himself from experimenting while he was waiting on his great glass elevator to be repaired. The candy and its recipe had been Wonka's last gifts to Equestria, the dessert to the reintroduction of hundreds of helpful magical trees, and the priceless Golden Apples.

“Um... well then.” Applejack stood, and put on her hat, its brim a little low. “I reckon we've kept these folks from their work long enough, Apples. Golden Apples are growin', Zap Apples are growin, so I guess that's that.”

The others made their goodbyes and filed out of the kitchen, and Spike went out around back to make a sketch of the Golden Apple tree. Applejack and Twilight were left alone with the mirror and the two on the other side.

“Well, uh...” Applejack said. “... That was some good work out there, Mr. Wonka. Mighty fine job.”

“'Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree,'” Wonka replied. “Farewell, Applejack! May your harvests be ever bountiful and your rains gentle. Thank you once again for going along with the schemes of this old scallywag.”

And just like that, they were gone, and the mirror went dark. Applejack adjusted her hat and walked to the kitchen exit. “I aughta make sure them gloomgrubs aren't sniffin' around the zap apple tree roots again.”

“Applejack,” Twilight chided with a smile, “Are you going to miss Mr. Wonka and you don't want to show it?”

“Nope!” Applejack said, leaving. Before her last hind leg had cleared the tile, however, the applepony paused. “Still... it's a shame that we didn't mention them crystal berries to him, from the Crystal Empire. Or them crazy floatin' melons that grow around Las Pegasus. I dunno. It's fine. I was just thinkin' was all. I dunno.” With that, she was gone.

Twilight smiled and levitated the mirror gently off the table. “C'mon, Spike! Let's go home!” She called. She exited the Apples' kitchen. “Note to self: Notify Mr. Bucket / Wonka of additional ingredient ideas at our next correspondence...”

And off they went, down the soft dirt path into town, to the crystal castle glittering in the morning sun, as Applejack joined her siblings in the Zap Apple orchard for post-season chores, touseling the bow on little Applebloom's head. The birds sang, and the bees buzzed, and in the sunlight, shining, shining, the Golden Apple sapling grew: strong, limber, and good.