Proof of Greatnessby DrunkSc1enceChaptersChapter 1: The RitualChapter 2: Human and Pony ShowChapter 3: Satin was MolestedChapter 1: The RitualChapter 1: The Ritual Somewhere, a distraught light blue unicorn was making a less than wise decision. “How dare they mock the Great and Powerful Trixie?!” She seemed... flustered. Wonder why. Nobody tells the narrator anything. Well fine, let's listen to her. “They will pay! They will all pay!” She began to cackle. Really? A cackle, I guess we just found the villain of this story although it would be better if she had a twirly mustache... and a top hat. Scratch that, the top hat would make it far too silly. “Would you please stop talking! The Great and Powerful Trixie is scheming!” She shouted at... me. Sorry, my bad. Man, what a b- “HEY!” She yelled out turning a delightful shade of red. You’re the one being rude to somepony you haven’t even met, much less see. “Right, where are you anyway?” She threw a glare this way and that searching for yours truly. Uhhhhhhhh everywhere I think? Anyway, let’s foreshadow what you’re going to do next. She sat down hard clearly confused and stared towards the sky. “Wait... what?” (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tim~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) “Trollestia, Molestia, or both?” I looked back towards my friends who stared at me with mixed feelings of shame and disappointment. “Oh come on, it’s an interesting take on the character. Nobody is lawful good IRL.” I shifted my uncomfortable tote bag. Tyler hung his head in shame before responding, “That may be true for us humans, but Celestia is not a human, nor a regular pony now is she?” Sean shrugged, “I would have to agree with Tim here just because it’s quite possible that if we were to ever meet them I’m certain that they wouldn’t be the same as they are on the show.” He said, grabbing his backpack from the trunk of his car. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’d expect them to be the perfect beings they’re made to be, I just can’t imagine Princess Celestia having her little ponies worship the royal plot.” Tyler said, slinging a beat-up black backpack over his shoulder and closing the trunk. “So that’s a vote for the Trollestia? Sounds like it to me.” I say definitively. “I’d have to go for Trollestia as well, all I know is that I wouldn’t want to see Celestia raping everypony.” Sean said removing the hood he wore. Tyler tilted his head back and forth in thought before tilting his fedora over his eyes, “Yeah I could see her getting bored and trolling her little ponies.” “I think I prefer a bit of both. Seems like more fun that way. What’s the point of being a tyrannical ruler if you can’t have some real fun.” I said, trying to make them both uncomfortable with the thought. Sean facepalmed at the thought of me and Celestia hanging out in different ways, “Satin I don’t understand you at times.” Tyler shook his head a bit, “This is why I prefer my lunar princess. Luna nobis custodit.” I gave him a questioning look, “What does that even mean?” Tyler sighed briefly, “The moon keeps us.” Sean facepalmed yet again, “I have a feeling by the time tonight is over I’ll have a big red handprint on my face.” Tyler grinned, “Ya need help with that Bozarth? I’m always happy to lend a hand!” Sean looked at Tyler with an unamused look on his face, “Believe me, you’ve already helped enough.” Tyler just shrugged and placed his hands into his pocket, pulling out a pocket watch. He sighed as he replaced it into his pocket. I raised a brow, “Sigh? What’s your problem?” “I honestly don’t know.” He shrugged again, “Oh well. So... Fluttershy is best pony, agreed?” “First off, you shouldn’t have a problem at the moment for we are in the parking lot of BroNYcon, and of course Fluttershy is best pony. Have you lost your mind my friend?” Tyler yawned briefly, “I just feel off today, I’m usually asleep right about now.” “Complain, complain, complain. How can you be SUCH a bitch? Cheer up there are ponies!” I responded with about half sarcasm. “Oh I am nearly ecstatic, just tired. Plus, would you rather I start whining? If there’s one lesson that Rarity has taught us, it’s that whining solves EVERYTHING!” Tyler responded with a half smile. “Please don’t, I was watching ponies all night last night and when I was about to leave, that episode came on. I don’t need another ear bleed, thank you.” Sean said shaking his head “Children, I will send you to your corner if you don’t start getting along.” I said with a smirk. “Tim, why don’t you go lead a group of knights to their deaths at the hand of a ferocious rabbit.” Sean said, rolling his eyes. Tyler stared at seemingly nothing for a minute before breaking into a large grin, “Can I have a pony in my corner? I promise I’ll love it and play with it and feed it and cuddle it and...” He stopped his list and began laughing, “It is NOT possible to say that with a straight face!” “Of course not.” Sean said chuckling, and taking his headphones from around his neck, placing them over his ears. “Now if you don’t mind, I got some music to listen to.” “No, you’re not excused, you need to socialize with your fellow bronies!” Tyler said, following it up with an evil laugh. “Oh, I will be socializing Kronos, because it appears you didn’t see the emblem on both sides of my headphones” Sean said showing off Vinyl’s cutie mark on the sides of his headphones “Somepony is bound to notice these.” Tyler gave him a sidelong glance, “No, I did. I just don’t understand what that has to do with the conversation... At all...” “Well isn’t it obvious, there are bound to be a lot of Scratch fans in there. Considering the music they play over the speakers and besides no matter how loud my music is, I can still hear anyone who speaks to me, in fact my music is blaring right now.” Tyler threw his hands behind his head, “Wow... You talk... a lot!” “Yeah and you’re an asshole, what’s your point.” “CHILDREN! I SWEAR ON SWEET CELESTIA! I WILL END YOU!” I said with a good amount of venom. “Can you end him first? It sounds like fun to watch.” Tyler just smiled innocently. “Ah go cast your fireballs.” Sean said “What in the name of Luna does that even mean?” Tyler said, cocking an eyebrow. I threw my hands up in defeat and muttered, “Freaking idiots.” under my breath. “Could be worse, you could be stuck with us... Foreeevvveeerrr!!!!” Tyler said, pantomiming Pinkie. (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Trixie~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) I’m telling you this spell is a bad idea. “Shut up, this is happening.” But I saw them, they are dumb as bricks. Bricks of like, even more dumb. “You said they were chaotic. They sound perfect, a little bit of fun chaos here and I’ll have shown up that arrogant foal with a powerful summoning spell.” She said as she went through her books. Looking for her silly spell. “Do you really have to do that?” …Yes? That’s what I’m here for. “Well keep it down, The Great and Powerful Trixie needs absolute silence as she studies.” Well aren’t you a pretentious little pony? Fine let’s hurry this up. Check page 137. “...Really?” Yeah, come on my chaotic neutral pony. Let’s make some... funsies... A look of disgust was thrown in... my direction, I suppose. “Funsies? Really? The voice in my head is just a blathering idiot.” See this is why nopony likes you. She just released a grumble as she went back to going over the spell in the book. Look even the other narrators don’t like you, I’m the closest one to being on your side here. So chill out. “...There are more of you up there?” She gazed hesitantly to the skies. Yes there are, can I say something? She merely nodded before smacking herself across the face. “What was that for!?” She screamed towards what she thought was me. I don’t like you... Hello there, might I just say that this spell is bound to go wrong? You know it, I know it and so do the other two. She smacks herself. Stop it ya’ll, I’m working here! I’m the narrator currently. Fine... Alright... “What... what is going on?!?!?” She asked with a bit of pain in her voice, rubbing her cheek. You’ve gone quite insane. You’re so insane you can hear the story’s narration... Congratulations, now go get mental help... I thought I told you to leave... Fine, I’m goin’, I’m goin’! Sorry about that, they can be so unprofessional at times. Anyway, back to that dastardly plot you were concocting. She fell silent as she layed down and began to read through it a few times, she began to prepare her spell taking great care to get all the details correct. Archaic symbols were drawn on the ground in the circle with her hoof so that they were flawless, a bit of incense was lit (a rather lovely lavender blend), and just a metric butt-load of pale blue unicorn magic. I still don’t think this a good idea Trixie. “Why narrator, would it be fun any other way?” She asked with a smirk. Quite mad indeed. (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tyler~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) We all stood in awe at the display before us, we had just entered the lobby to be greeted by a man... in a Big Macintosh mascot costume... I was the first to speak, “I-it’s glorious!” “Indeed.” Sean replied from under his blaring headphones. “Freaking furries, ruining everything I love and cherish.” Tim said unenthusiastically. “This has nothing to do with furries, it’s Big Macintosh!” I shouted with a tad too much glee. The man in the costume turned towards us before responding, “Eeeyyup...” Sean slapped his palm on his face, gesturing the start of the night’s stupidity “Let it begin.” We began walking around the convention center before stopping in front of a purveyor of the most glorious goods known to brony-kind... Pony plushies... I ran towards the stand and quickly picked up a Fluttershy plushie, just small enough to fit in my backpack comfortably, and began hugging it dearly. I looked back at the stand to see an equally inviting Luna plushie. My heart and wallet were torn... “I’ll be back for you...” I said with a manly tear falling from my cheek. The man running the stand just grinned at my shenanigans. Sean approached the stand next, looking over the plushies before his eyes fell on every brony’s favorite wall-eyed mail mare. He picked it up from the stall and held it to his chest happily. Tim was the last to get to the stand as he gazed over the large selection of adorableness. He began to rub his chin as he looked at all the plushies individually. He picked up a Doctor Whooves plushie and began to inspect it. “Too 11th Doctor for my tastes.” He placed it back in its area. The vendor just rolled his eyes before turning back to me, “A bit indecisive ain’t he?” I just nodded, “You can’t rush a man in search of perfection.” The man just smiled before watching Tim as he went back to perusing the wide selection. He began to pick up background ponies, as he inspected them and eventually dismissed them in kind. He stopped... His eyes grew wide as they fell on the one... a pink/little filly Celestia. I swear from the look on his eyes he had found the perfect one, the light shone on it invitingly and he took a step towards it. As he was about to grasp it my vision began to fade into black, only to hear Tim release an unhappy phrase, “OH COME ON!” (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sean~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) As Tim was a few inches from a plushie he decided had to be his, the room seemed to fall into a black abyss leaving the three of us standing in a small forest clearing, confused and uncertain as to our location. The area strangely smelled of lavender, my vision began to clear and I was the first to speak, “Where in the name of Celestia’s peaceful land are we?” Tyler began to shake his head as he came to his senses, “Luna never gets any love...” “Don’t worry, I’ll love Luna.” Tim said with a cheeky smile. “I saw that hand, you were goin’ for Celly and we both know it.” Tyler chuckled. “Guys we are in the middle of a forest, without any idea as to our whereabouts, and you’re worried whether Celestia is getting too much love and if Luna is getting any?” I said after facepalming. “Of course, what’s more important... than... ponies... oh LUNA DAMMIT!” Tyler said as he began to glare at something behind me. “What?” I followed his gaze and saw a light blue unicorn, who I recognized as Trixie. “Oh no, not her, anypony but her.” Tim’s smile grew as he turned his gaze on the pony. “Oh this is just fantastic, I’ll take a real pony over a plushie any day!” He rushed forward as he picked up the pompous pony and gave her a giant hug. “Let go of the Great and Powerful Trixie you bipedal buffoon.” She replied as she squirmed in Tim’s bear hug. “...Hug a pony and piss off Trixie at the same time...? I’m down!” Tyler rushed over and glomped the arrogant little mare. “Are you guys out of your right mind, that’s a villain! You don’t hug villains!” Tyler rolled his eyes, “She’s an antagonist. Villains are far more sinister than this little mare, she’s merely an annoyance.” “You’re merely an annoyance! Unhoof me right this instant!” Trixie shouted, slowing her struggle “You’re too fluffy, sorry... Kinda...” Tyler grinned as he held her tight, his Fluttershy plushie still in his hand. I facepalmed and dragged my hand down my face. “Alright, let’s assess the situation, we are in the middle of a forest, there’s a pony....” I began to list off things that had just happened since we got here... which wasn’t much. “The only reasonable explanation is we are in Equestria, in the middle of the Everfree forest.” Tyler deadpanned, “Tally that onto the list of shit we already know, now are you gunna hug this little pony or not?” “Shut up Kronos.” I said unamused, I walked over and sat next to my friends still hugging the boastful pony. “I got a pony, you can’t annoy me right now.” Tyler said, squeezing Trixie even tighter. “Release The Great and Powerful Trixie this instant!” She commented with a groan. “Do you really want us to let you go?” Tyler asked, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. She glared at Tyler, “Of course! This is insufferable!” “Then why haven’t you made us? Surely you have enough magic for the task.” Trixie seemed to look away from Tyler, visibly avoiding his stare as he spoke. “So the way I see it, either you enjoy this more than you let on. Or you’re unsure of whether you’d be able to make us. Though, as I see it, that last one is impossible, you’re too confident in yourself to believe you couldn’t.” “T-Trixie is merely too weak from the summoning...” She stated, turning her head away. Tyler merely raised an eyebrow in suspicion, smiling with a cocksure grin. I placed my hand over my eyes and shook my head at how ridiculous her response was “Really, that’s your excuse?” “Ohhhh you’re so cute when you’re trying to cover your flank.” Tim said rather dreamily. Tyler just chuckled as he replaced his Fluttershy into his backpack, “Keep it rated E here buddy.” “Cute doesn’t equal bangable.” He responded without missing a beat. Trixie just stared at Tim with mixed levels of shock and disgust. “Guys, none of that.” I said with my face still in the palm of my hand. “Come on, you know she is SO many levels of cute!” Tyler said, placing the blushing pony in his lap as he rested his arms over her shoulders, crossing his hands in front of her chest. Tim merely glared at the pony thief. “Okay fine, I’ll admit she is cute, but I don’t feel like hugging an antagonist at the moment.” I said removing my hand from my face. Tyler leaned his head over her shoulder as he commented, “This adorable little ‘antagonist’ just brought us to Equestria. Oh well, more pony for me. Thank you by the way Trixie.” “Yeah thanks, you adorable blue Unicorn. Appreciate it as long as you don’t have some kind of mind control on us now.” Tim stated with his ever-present grin. “Yeah thanks, I guess.” I said smacking Tim across the back of his head. “The fuck was that a for!?” Tim glared at me and punched me hard in the arm. “Don’t give her any ideas Tim.” I said quietly. “Oh come on, mind control would be totally against the law! Whereas... summoning... damnit...” Tim held a hand to his head realizing his mistake. Tyler just shook his head, “Get real, I doubt she’d even try. We wouldn’t be nearly as fun as mindless dolls.” To her credit, Trixie didn’t seem to think much on the idea... hopefully... “Well you...” She glanced up to the skies for a moment before continuing. “humans? Right, humans. Well the Great and Powerful Trixie requires...” She let out a huff. “Some assistance. AND WOULD YOU PUT ME DOWN!” Tyler leaned over her shoulder, “What do you need... and do I have to? You’re just so cute when you pretend to be annoyed.” I raised an eyebrow in her direction, “Help...? Why should we help you?” Tyler glared toward me, “Stop being a prick and hear her out...” “Fine, how can we help, oh Great and Powerful Trixie” I said, shaking my hands next to my head. She shifted a bit uncomfortably in Tyler’s lap, “Well... I...” her ear twitched for a second, “I’m asking them, give me a second!” She yelled to the sky. “Right, Trixie requires your help in showing off her extraordinary magical ability. With Equestria’s only humans as proof of the Great and Powerful Trixie’s magical prowess nopony will ever doubt her again!” She then let out what I can only describe as a maniacal laugh. “...Evil laugh aside... Why do you even care?” Tyler said, idly stroking her mane. I quickly turned up my music, “Nope, sorry can’t help ya.” Tim was a little more insistent, “Come on! Did you hear that? That was probably the most adorable thing I’ve heard in real life. Ever. Forever. Ever.” Trixie merely glared at us and then to the sky once more, “Alright, I have it on good authority that I shouldn’t mind control my minions. So just agree to this and I will send you back.” Tyler smiled a devious grin, “So you’re saying that if we don’t help you, we’re stuck here forever?” Trixie just nodded smugly. “Well, sounds like a plan to me guys.” Tyler said with a shrug Tyler rose to his feet and patted the pony on the head, “Have fun, just remember not to put so much stock into others’ beliefs of you.” Trixie stared at us incredulously, “B-but don’t you want to return home!?” Tyler looked over his shoulder and chuckled, “Whatever gave you that idea?” “Pfft... That place was a living hell, why would we want to go back there?” I stated Tyler rolled his eyes, “Oh stop being such a drama queen. It wasn’t nearly that bad, this place is just better!” Tim just sat beside Trixie and stared at our shenanigans, “Humanity at work, they say if you put 6 humans in a room you’ll come out with 12 opinions.” He chuckled as Trixie shifted her gaze at him. Tyler stopped and lowered his head for a moment and let out a brief sigh, “I’ll help you... but on my terms...” Trixie rolled her eyes, “And what are your ‘terms’ human?” “I just don’t want you using us to stir up trouble and the like, I’m fine with you showing some pride in your success, just don’t rub it in. I can’t support that, oh and you don’t send me back.” Tyler said with a hint of irritation. A sneer appeared on her face, “You do realize I can send you back right now!” “Yes, but then who would hug you?” Tyler said with a light hearted chuckle. “Unfortunately I’m going to have to help you as well if I want to stay considering if I walk away I’ll be sent back, my terms are equal to Tyler’s” I said with a grim look upon my face. Tim laughed, “Can’t you just send them back, I’m totally ok with doing your bidding.” He responded happily. Tyler stared at Tim for a moment before whispering to me, “Should we be worried that he’s already a complete slave to her cuteness?” “I suppose we should be a bit worried about him, but once we get into town he’ll probably change his mind and work with the town ponies.” I said with a slight chuckle. “Sounds like ya’ll are bitching about a free ticket to Equestria and want to go back to Earth so badly.” He said as he stroked the unicorn’s mane. “Who’s bitching, I definitely am not bitching.” I stated, waving his suggestion off. “Sorry I just wanna preserve my free will, you know... That thing you just handed Trixie on a gold, fucking platter.” Tyler said furrowing his brow. “She just said she’s not mind controlling us! I’m really not seeing a problem here!” Tim threw back. Tyler just shook his head, “Mind control isn’t the only form of manipulation. Come on, let’s get this shit over with. I have ponies to meet and places to go.” “Well I’m bringing her with us just in case.” Tim said as he put her on his back, wrapping her hooves around his neck as he stood up and walked towards us. “The Great and Powerful Trixie will not be treated as a common sack of potatoes!” Trixie exclaimed. “Actually, that’s a common way to show affection where we’re from, he might get insulted if you don’t let him... Maybe enough to ruin your plans even...” Tyler said with a devilish smirk. “Oh, now we wouldn’t want that to happen would we?” I said smirking along with my friend. She managed to clam up a bit and had the decency to even blush a little, “Right, human social rules.” She muttered Tim had even wider smile on than he had previously and gave us both a wink. “Which direction, madam?” Trixie let out a pretty adorable chuckle as she pointed in a direction, Tim nodded and began to lead on. Tyler sighed, “Well if we’re going to be together for a while might as well introduce ourselves, name’s Tyler, though personally I prefer Kronos.” “My name’s Sean but a few people call me Dex, it doesn’t matter which you call me by.” I stated removing my headphones for a brief second. ‘Kronos’ smiled a bit, “But he’ll always be our little Bozarth.” “And your chariot, milady, is named Tim. Or Satin, all’s good.” Tim said with ever-present smile. Trixie let out a scoff, “Those are by far the most absurd names the Great and Powerful Trixie has ever heard!” “Well, at least we don’t talk in the third person.” I stated bluntly. Trixie just let out a huff, “Well let’s all just agree that you’re wrong.” She muttered succinctly. Tim let out a laugh, “Seconded!” Tyler deadpanned, “Satin, you’re going to agree to everything she says, thus your opinion is invalid.” “You’re you, Tyler. Therefore, everything you say is invalid.” Tim shot back. “We’re in Equestria everything any of us three say is invalid.” I put out there “...and there’s the voice of reason, well whatever. Where we going to first O’ Great and Powerful Trixie?” Tim said as he rolled his eyes. I could see Trixie’s devilish smile appear on her lips, “Well first, we must show up a certain town of the most willful foals I have ever seen!” Tyler just put his head in his hand, likely already preparing for the shitstorm that was sure to come. “Sounds like some fun shenanigans to me!” Tim put in his ever-so-useful two cents. “Hopefully this doesn’t ruin our first impressions with the mane six.” I stated under my breath. Chapter 2: Human and Pony ShowChapter 2: Human and Pony Show In Ponyville’s library, a certain librarian was doing a bit too much studying... again... “Twilight, shouldn’t you take a break? You’ve been studying for hours.” The bookish, purple unicorn looked up from her studies to stare at her assistant. “I would Spike, but I’ve been seriously falling behind lately. Just a few more minutes.” Spike sighed and began furrowing his brow, “You said that two hours ago, come on Twi’, at least come outside for lunch.” As if on cue, her stomach let out a low growl causing her to blush. “Fine, we can go to that cafe down the street. Just let me get cleaned up.” Spike nodded his agreement and the unicorn trotted up the stairs and into the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, she was a bit of a mess. Her mane was crooked and uneven while her eyes were accentuated by small bags underneath them. She splashed some water on her face and began telekinetically brushing her mane with her favorite brush. After a few minutes she looked perfectly normal again and headed downstairs to see Spike waiting for her impatiently. “Why do you always take so long in there?” Spike groaned. Twilight raised a brow curiously, “I was in there for five minutes...” Spike merely rolled his eyes before walking to the door, “Ready Twi’?” She nodded before leading him out the door. On their way to the cafe they saw a large group of ponies flocking in the direction of the Everfree. Spike turned to Twilight, “What’s up with them?” Twilight shrugged, “Let’s go find out.” They began trotting along in the direction everypony was headed, eventually a large crowd caught their eyes. Everypony was standing still gawking at whatever sight they beheld. Twilight could barely hear the shouting of a familiar pony over the crowd. She sighed loudly before muttering, “Not again...” As she pushed herself through the crowd she was able to make out a few words from the pony shouting over the rest, still not enough to go on though so she continued through the crowd. When she finally made her way to the front of the crowd she couldn’t help but stare at the sight before her. A familiar, light blue unicorn stood in the center of the crowd along with three strange creatures she had never seen before. They seemed to resemble hairless diamond dogs. One wore a shroud of black, another wore black pants with a white T-shirt along with a black fedora, while the last wore a red shirt with a fleur de lis stamp and white shorts. “Behold! I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, have done what was thought impossible. I have summoned beings from another world. Now which of you can claim that you have done that!” She released a loud laugh. “Now where is that lavender filly? I have something wonderful to show her!” One of the creatures was holding its head with its claw-like appendage, while another was glaring pointedly at her. The other... was possibly the most frightening of the three... standing silently, grinning ear-to-ear. One could only imagine the thoughts that crossed its mind. Then, the shrouded one spoke “Will somepony shut her up already?” The creature spoke removing its claw-like appendage from over its face. The hatted creature just shook its head in shame, “She’s been like this for hours... I just wanted to meet the ponyfolk but this...” it said gesturing towards Trixie, “This is torture!” ...and the final one, the final merely laughed before speaking, “Not the most awkward way I’ve ever been introduced, try pantsless and drunk!” “Humans! You are ruining the Great and Powerful Trixie’s achievement! Quit talking already!” Trixie threw at the large monsters. “We have names... which we’ve already told you... Now start using them or I’ll let Satin hug you all he wants... and we both know how much he wants to...” The creature threatened as he pulled on the rim of his hat. The shrouded creature chuckled “Unless you want him to hug you again.” The creature that had threatened Trixie smirked, “No, we’re in public. She doesn’t want the ponyfolk to know how much she loves it. Ain’t that right ice queen?” Trixie pulled her hat over her face for a moment before yelling, “YOU AREN’T HELPING!” Twilight turned back to the crowd, the ponies all trying to contain their laughter. She merely smiled at the antics of these strange creatures. She heard a soft plop as Spike fell from her back, rolling on the ground in laughter. The creature with the hat began scanning the crowd before its eyes fell on her. It began nudging its compatriots and whispering, all seemed to smile a bit. The ever smiling one kneeled down and whispered into Trixie’s ear and pointed in my general direction and I could see the smile grow on her face. “Ohhh Twilight,” She spoke loudly over the crowd, “I don’t believe you can top this.” She said as she flourished her fore hooves and threw back her cape. The hooded one shook its head “Oh sweet Celestia, just shut up already. Twilight you don’t need to do a thing to pass her up.” The creature in the hat nodded, “The idiot has a point Twi’.” Twilight was clearly confused by the situation, some creatures Trixie had summoned were... sticking up for her? She had to make sense of this situation and this crowd wasn’t helping. She threw Spike over her back and began to make her way to the center of the spectacle. When she got close to Trixie, the blue unicorn was smiling like she had won some non-existent contest. She wasn’t smiling for long. The purple magic enveloped the entire group and teleported them all back to her living room. “What in Equestria do you think you’re doing!?” Twilight let loose on Trixie. For once, Trixie looked taken back, if only for a second. “The Great and Powerful Trixie believes she is finally proving herself for the magician she is!” “By summoning creatures from another world!? Not only have you just ruined their chances at a normal life, but you have also ripped them from their homes!?” Twilight relented as she felt something touch her shoulder. “Calm down, anger doesn’t solve much.” The creature smiled down at her, tilting his hat up a bit. “And might I add that we never really liked our lives in our own world in the first place.” the hooded creature pointed out. “For the love of Luna, Dex... stop being such a Bozarth!” The other creature commented before turning back to Twilight, “We don’t hate our home, we just like it here better! We haven’t been properly introduced, call me Kronos.” It said holding out its claw. The creature was tall, about as tall as the princesses she guessed and it was a bit on the heavy side. It had a short black mane and hazel brown eyes. Judging from its voice, she surmised it to be male. “As Tyler had stated someponies call me Dex, others call me Sean, but these two call me Bozarth.” The hooded creature said, this one had short brown mane and was a bit shorter than the first; Twilight assumed it was male from the sound of its voice, and had hazel green eyes. The last one was significantly hairier than the other two. His chestnut brown mane framed his face as well as a bit above his mouth, he was also physically the largest of the group. He held out his claw and said, “The name is Tim, but you can call me Satin. It’s a pleasure to meetcha.” He said with an eerie smile. Twilight’s anger had been completely derailed by these creatures friendliness. “Oh... well... It COULD have been disastrous.” Kronos held a level gaze with her, “Did it turn out disastrously? I like to believe that we’re relatively tame compared to some of our species.” Twilight’s eyes narrowed, “Your species? What’s wrong with your species?” “Nothing, just like with every species, every race, there are good people and bad people, personally I like to believe we fit into the prior category.” Kronos merely shrugged. Twilight let out an audible sigh, “...Well fine, let’s find out how to send you guys home before Trixie gets in trouble for bringing you all here.” She turned and began walking to a separate part of the library. Kronos’ eyes grew wide, “B-but I don’t want to go...” Twilight finally managed to kill Satin’s smile, “Seconded, this place seems waaaaaaaaaaay more fun!” Sean looked away for a moment, “Excuse me, but I too wish to stay, for many reasons.” “I thought you believed in friendship and its magic...” Kronos said, before muttering something under his breath. “And there are no specific rules against summoning, young Twilight!” responded Trixie defensively. Twilight held a hoof to her head as she winced, “It’s not specifically against the law... but it’s not encouraged! Only some bullheaded pony would ever do it!” She said as she tried to put her point across. Trixie opened her mouth to respond but Kronos beat her to it, “Are you saying she’s not bullheaded?” Sean chuckled, though he was in tears. “Are you serious?” Kronos turned to Dex before gesturing towards him with a claw, “Y’see? Bozarth’s legitimately crying because he wants to stay, are you really going to turn away willing visitors?” Satin busted out laughing, immediately breaking all the tension in the room, “Ha, ha, ha! Bozarth has feelings! What a bitch!” Kronos fell to the floor clutching his stomach, laughing a tad more than he should have, given the situation. He began trying to speak, eventually he managed to gasp out, “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you Bozarth, that was just a fantastic tension breaker!” “Of course I have feelings, I hid my emotions because I was afraid to be judged, thats one of the reasons I want to stay here, more people are cruel in our world than here, I can put up these two because they’re my friends” Sean said putting out a reason to stay. “You give me too little credit! I can be cruel! I promise!” Tim said still laughing like an idiot. “You wouldn’t happen to have a mute spell by any chance do ya?” Sean asked Twilight. Twilight looked between the three friends, a look between shock and confusion, and maybe a bit of pity on her face. She turned to Trixie for a moment and her features hardened. “I don't understand WHY I am doing this, but I won't tell Celestia that you did something so.. so... Idiotic! As long as you keep these three in check!” With that she turned and began searching through her books, choosing to ignore the new species and the problems they bring, if only for a little longer. Of course she could always just teleport them out of town and tell them to get out, but she knew nothing about them. Who knows what kind of trouble they could get into if left alone? Especially the big one, thankfully he seemed like the only one in the group who would cause trouble. Bozarth, or... Sean, or... Why do these creatures have so many names?! He seemed emotional, and complacent. Surely he wouldn't cause any harm. Although he may need somepony to watch him for different reasons. Kronos seemed... Hard to pin, he didn't seem like he would cause trouble but he was obviously far more willing to cause it then the small boy. Small, that seems like a hypocritical thought, these creatures stood at least half of a meter over her on average, the largest, Satin was almost one meter...No he was one meter higher than her. Kronos breathed a sigh of relief before smiling warmly, “Thank you Twilight, now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pompous pony to love and tolerate.” With that Kronos sat down behind Trixie, leaning against her back and extending his arms over her shoulders, hugging her warmly. She seemed to grow a bit flustered but didn’t say anything in protest. Sean sat down, placing his knees to his chest and put the hood of his shroud over his head, hiding his face. Satin kneeled down to Twilight’s height and placed a claw on his cheek, “You aren’t going to keep us hidden forever, better Celestia find out about us now, rather then wait till we do something inevitably stupid.” Kronos merely shrugged, “Might as well.” “Yeah, you may as well get it over with” Sean said from underneath his hood. Trixie raised a hoof to her chin before muttering, “A royal audience to the Great and Powerful Trixie’s accomplishments?” She smiled widely before speaking up a bit, “Trixie approves!” Twilight looked between the three newcomers and her so-called “Rival” with no small amount of confusion. “You....Really think it would be best?” She said sullenly as she focused back on the large human in front of her. “I do. Yeah, I mean she is kinda your princess, so not telling her may get us all in trouble. And while I'm used to it, I would rather not see you or Trix over here get busted.” “Trix?” An indignant grunt from behind was all Trixie could squeeze in at Satin’s comment. “But Satin... Trix are for kids!” Kronos stated, grinning widely. Twilight blinked a bit in surprise, “Well okay then, Spike take a note please.” She turned to see Spike looking over Sean curiously, keeping a bit away from him. “Spike!” Twilight nearly shouted. “Huh, what? Oh sorry!” Spike rubbed his neck awkwardly before pulling some writing utensils from a nearby desk. “Good, are you ready?” Twilight asked innocently as she strode about on her metaphorical high-horse. “Yea Twi, anytime.” Spike responded, Quill and parchment in hand. “Dear Princess Celestia, I regret to inform you that this letter is not, in fact a friendship report. Whereas I would normally take the time to detail important lessons that I have learned in this letter; that will not be the case at all. It has come to my attention that three uninvited visitors from another world have arrived through the assistance of a...” She looked at Trixie a moment and let out a small sigh. “Rather powerful unicorn. They do not appear to be dangerous, and have expressed an interest in staying here, in Ponyville. If possible I would like for you to come and visit these three and see if they could be accepted as residents here, or perhaps in Canterlot. I will have more detailed information on the three in tonight’s report. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.” She looked to Spike as he finished writing the words. After a moment he looked to Twilight, who nodded anxiously at him. He inhaled deeply and breathed his regular green fire onto the parchment which disintegrated into a green flaming smoke cloud that traveled out a nearby open window and into the midday sun. Trixie smiled haughtily, “Trixie would have referred to herself as Great and powerful, but ‘rather powerful’ will just have to do.” This earned a few exasperated sighs and a collective glare from the rest of the room. “Well.... That’s that then.” Satin said as he stood from his kneeling position. Which he apparently did too fast as he immediately cupped his head as he stood. “Woo, lightheaded, hold up.” He said with a laugh as Twilight began looking nervous about how Celestia would react. Sean stood and dusted himself off before looking over at Satin “You aright there, Tim?” He turned and winked at Dex, “Look, I may have just sealed our fates. Always get dizzy when I do that.” Kronos slowly looked up from the ever-flustered Trixie, “Yeah, because sealing people’s fates is something you do on a regular basis...” Satin just shrugged in response, “Happens?” He responded with an upward inflection. Sean shook his head “Me and my weird friends.” Kronos shrugged before returning to stroking Trixie’s mane. An unsure smile was still on Satin’s face, “So what happens now Twilight? Want us to just wait around here for judgement, or what?” He said as he scratched his head nervously. “Sounds good to me.” Kronos said, barely stifling a yawn. “I’m alright with sitting around for awhile” Sean said sticking his claws in his pockets. Kronos placed his saddlebag between himself and Trixie and began searching through it before retrieving a small black item. Placing it next to him with a smile before returning to his search. He stopped searching, a look of utter horror displayed on his face as he replaced the item and closed the bag. He remained silent and began to hug Trixie tight. Satin rolled his eyes as he pulled something from his pocket, pulled a white string off it, and threw it at Kronos, “We can share but if you break em’ or give them back to me with nasty earwax I will end you.” Sean looked at Kronos “Or,” he tossed him a black string “You can have my extra pair.” Kronos’ eyes shone with joy as he threw Tim back his string, “Thanks Bozarth! If you were a pony I’d offer you a hug, but sorry, no such luck.” He pulled the item back from his saddlebag and began tapping at it, placing an end of the string into it while he placed a bit from the other end into one of his ears. He soon began to hum a familiar tune, though she couldn’t recall where she’d heard it before. Satin must have noticed her interest and her confusion, “Don’t mind him, he can be anti-social at times. Here lemme show you what these are.” He began to mess with the shiny metal object. Kronos merely rolled his eyes,” Yeah, because you’re one to talk oh Lord of the Cloth!” “Ignore him, these” he showed her the object, it seemed to be made of glass and metal, “are music players. Lemme show ya some music from Earth.” He began messing with the music box for a second before laughing, “Here we go, something very suitable for this situation. Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles.” He leaned down and put the white ends into her ears. The light plucking of stringed instruments began to play into her ears, soon the melody began to pick up and a higher pitched voice began to sing. It was... rather enjoyable, very happy and upbeat. As the song was roughly half over by her estimate, a bright flash filled the room, before Twilight could see the cause she heard Kronos chuckle, “Hey, what d’ya know, here comes the sun! Beautiful timing!” Satin stood up quickly, accidentally yanking the earbuds out of Twilight’s ears. Earning a loud, “OW!” out of the startled unicorn. Sean shielded his eyes, “Woah.” As the light receded Twilight was able to make out the figure of her mentor, Princess Celestia. Kronos stood up, briefly dusting himself off and placing the string into his pants before gripping his hat with a claw, flourishing his arm to the side, ending in front of his stomach as he bowed. As he rose Twilight could see that all of the earlier silliness was gone from his face, making him appear oddly serious for the creature. “Princess.” Sean quickly bowed “My liege.” Satin’s nervous smile became a bit askew as he touched the top of his head with one of his claws and started making circles in the air as he bowed. She began to gracefully move in between Satin and Twilight never taking her eyes off of the newcomers her calm, low voice uttered only a few syllables, “And what are you?” Satin’s smile didn’t leave his face but you could still see the uncertainty in his eyes, “Humans!” He nervously shouted out, “Ummm... humans, Princess. Mammals from a world called Earth.” Kronos coughed lightly, “Sorry, he’s a bit nervous as you can probably understand. But yes, we’re humans.” Satin returned to scratching the back of his head and looking down, “Sorry Princess, I’ve never been in the company of royalty before. Please forgive my... rudeness.” He said as tactfully as he could manage. The room fell silent for a moment as Celestia considered the new creatures. “Humans... I can’t say I have ever really heard of anything like you, no mentions in any of the books in Canterlot’s rather... Extensive libraries. Where do you come from again?” She appeared curious about the creatures, but she also seemed rather wary of them, except for Tim, who she seemed to stare at with a small smile rather than caution. “Earth, there’s nothing written about us?” Kronos asked as he threw a questioning glance towards Trixie. She returned the glance with an indignant stare. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is a magician! And a good magician, NEVER reveals her secrets!” Kronos sighed briefly, “You mind if we talk about this over tea? I’m quite thirsty, and tea is delicious.” Sean looked over to Kronos, “Tea?” “What, you don’t like tea?” Kronos placed his claw upon his face and muttered, “Bozarth...” “I never said I didn’t like tea, but it’s definitely not my beverage of choice.” Sean said with a shrug. “That’s... the best plan I’ve heard all day.” Satin said as he rubbed his claws together. Spike rose his claw as if he was going to say something but Celestia cut him off, “That sounds lovely.” Spike groaned as he trudged to the kitchen to perform the task, grumbling under his breath along the way. Chapter 3: Satin was MolestedChapter 3: Satin was Molested Molested: past participle, past tense of mo·lest (Verb) Verb: Pester or harass (someone), typically in an aggressive or persistent manner. ~Satin~ I stared at the cup of tea sitting on the table before me. It was the same color, it was hot, but it smelled like flowers... I don’t know if I should trust this. For all I know Pony food and drink could be filled with something like cyanide... I took another sniff just to make sure. It certainly doesn’t smell like it’s going to kill me. I never took this into consideration. I wonder if anything in Equestria is actually edible for humans. The brony dream of coming here ends tragically as we all die within 3 day of dehydration I took a sideways glance at Kronos as he picked up his cup and slowly drank from it. I waited for a moment, watching him and making sure he didn’t start clutching at his throat as he slowly choked to death. I sighed slowly and took a long drink myself. One can hope. He was fine, he put it back down as he continued his ridiculous history lesson on Humans in general, skimming over all the violent stuff. So like, Human history in 3 pages. I did notice he left out a lot of about religion and about our knowledge of their world. I mean, I kinda understand the skipping over religion. That kinda goes with the violence when you get right down to it, but I mean, how long are we going to go without revealing that we know these characters and this world rather intimately. “...and then we invented the internet, and it was all downhill from there...” Kronos stated, his voice dropping to a low monotone at the end. Dex and I both gave him sidelong glances as the ponies sat there completely enthralled by the story. We both simultaneously leaned towards him, “Why would you tell them about the internet?” Dex intoned. “This is going to take hours just for them to understand what the internet is and how it works, which I’m half sure you don’t know yourself.” I added in an accusing tone. “...But it’s true!” Kronos sighed briefly, “Maybe they won’t ask about it?” Celestia quirked a brow, “What’s the ‘internet?’” He merely muttered under his breath, “Oh god dammit!” He looked back up at them with a nervous smile, “A great writer once described it like this, ‘Imagine your greatest dream, and your worst nightmare, and combine them.’ I held my hand to my head for a second before announcing, “Very poetic, but no. It’s a technology designed to share information with anyone on the planet. It ended up turning into a place for showing pictures, videos, and running jokes.” . Kronos chirped in a tad too enthusiastically, “...and don’t forget all of the terabytes upon terabytes of p...” Dex slammed his hand over Kronos’ mouth with a glare, immediately silencing him. “Poetry and other forms literature...” Dex stated simply, slowly removing his hand from Kronos’ mouth. Kronos smacked Bozarth upside the head and glared at him, “My mouth was open... and your hand tastes disgusting...” Our audience seemed to buy that cover up, but I really need to remind myself to punch Kronos upside his head. I’m supposed to be the one that gets us into ridiculous hijinx through not thinking before I speak. I shook my head. “Well, that’s a short, very incomplete retelling of human history and I’m fairly sure at least half of it is on the embellished side.” Kronos merely glared at me, “I can’t lie to them and you know that, if anything in there was wrong it was due to my own lack of knowledge...” He turned to the ponies gathered at the table with us, “Which I do apologize, if any of that information was incorrect.” I involuntarily rolled my eyes, “Any questions?” Twilight raised her hoof, “What’s a terabyte?” Kronos shrugged, “A unit of measurement used for computer data.” Twilight stared at him blankly, “Computer data?” Kronos stopped to think for a moment, “A computer is the device we use to share pictures, music, writing and the like with others by using the internet, which would be the data. Sadly that’s roughly all I know about them, I’ve never been very tech savvy.” I could just feel the headache grow with every word that fell carelessly out of Kronos’ mouth, “Kronos, please stop talking. You’re describing tech they don’t have here with words they don’t know. Every explanation begets another explanation, making this an endless cycle of mostly you talking.” I then turned back to our hosts. “Humans are more technologically inclined and we make machines that make our lives much, much easier. And no, I’d be willing to bet none of us know how these work and can’t replicate them. Sorry.” I said as I finished my tea hoping to get rid of the headache, tasting... I dunno was that a hint of lemon and... it kinda tastes like honeysuckle smells. “I just wanted to answer their questions...” Kronos said, lowering his head sadly. Celestia’s expression turned from a face of curiosity to her normal warm smile, “And I thought he was doing a marvelous job.” Ending that with an encouraging wink. Kronos blushed lightly and smiled, “Thanks, Princess.” Kronos turned to stare at Bozarth, “You’re awfully quiet, you have anything to add?” “Not really, it seems like you’re handling the whole explanation thing pretty well.” Kronos brought his hand to the bridge of his nose and muttered, “Ugh, one’s antisocial and the other’s a complete dick... Confound these ponies, they drive me to tolerate...” I murmured, “The feeling is mutual.” The silence filled the room as our poor explanation on humanity in general finished. I could judge each of the different reactions: Both Celestia and Twilight seemed interested and curious, whereas Trixie on the other hand, seemed to be trying to keep herself entertained by playing with my iPod... MY IPOD??!?!? “TRIXIE! How did you get ahold of my ipod!?!” I asked, more surprised than angry. “The Great and Powerful Trixie simply took it out of your pocket when you were sitting down.” She said in a bored tone as she continued to fiddle with it. I should probably be angry with her, I mean as long as she’s not going through and shuffling all of my music there’s a slim chance she’ll hit a pony song. Much less it being a recognizable track. However, it is a little adorable her trying to making an effort to figure it out. “Here, it works better if you take out the headphones and let the internal speakers do their job.” I reached across and yanked out the white cord, bundling it quickly and jamming it back into my front pocket. She played with it a bit more before an instrumental, classical piece began to play over my iPod’s speakers, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Kronos. “Huh... I didn’t take you for the classical type.” Sean slowly looked over and shook his head, “I wouldn’t have expected a guy like you to be into that genre, but whatever it’s your iPod.” I couldn’t help the immediate look of confusion and disgust appearing on my face, “What’s wrong with classical music?” Kronos rolled his eyes, “Nothing, admittedly, it’s not exactly my cup o’ tea, but there’s no problem with it. I just didn’t think you the type for it.” “I have the most eclectic music collection of anyone that you’ve ever met! Classical to rap, classic rock to death met-” Why would I say that. “...al.” Sean chuckled, “I wouldn’t think that the savior of the silk here was a metal head.” I turned to the ponies who had become oddly quiet, Celestia was enjoying the classical quite intently, eyes closed, a small smile gracing her lips. Twilight was next to Trixie, poking and prodding at my iPod. “Oooh, what’s this one?” She tapped the iPod once more and the speakers burst to life, a more electronic, aged song began to play. [song] This song... 80’s, but what song is this... The song began to build slowly as the I could hear the the lead vocalist begin. Sean smirked knowingly. I let out a brief sigh, “Oh no.” Well... it could have been pony related. Sadly, I will never live this down. EVER. “Humidity’s rising~ The sun is getting low~ According to our sources, the street’s the place to gooooooo~” “Can we skip this song?” I threw out pleadingly. Twilight looked up from the device, “Why? This song sounds pretty interesting.” A small, sad smile appeared on my face, “For my dignity?” Trixie just grinned evilly, “And what dignity would that be?” “For the first tiiime, in his-to-ry, it’s gonna start rainin’ meeeeeenn!~ Kronos placed a forearm over his head and lowered it to the table, he began to shake a bit before he burst out laughing. Celestia’s earlier bliss was quickly shattered, her smile grew just a bit, barely noticeable. My left hand slowly raised to my face as I held my now pounding head as I simply stated, “Oh, no reason... and no dignity.” Sean clapped his hands, “Oh Satin, that’s just perfect.” I slowly reached across the small table and hit the next button, “Let’s never speak about this again.” I could just feel the judging of eyes of ponies and the only thing I could hear was the now dying laugh of that jackass I call a friend, Kronos. Why couldn’t the tea have been cyanide. “If you want, I could play a playlist from mine to save you from further embarrassment. The most I need to worry about are meme songs...” Kronos asked, with a slight grin. “It’s fine, let’s just call that one bad luck and move on.” I responded flatly. “...Where’d my iPod go...?” Kronos’ eyes settled on Trixie and he began to glare at her. “Really Trixie!? Didn’t you just take Satin’s? Why do you need mine?” I turned to Trixie who was glaring at another iPod, while mine had found its way into Twilight’s hooves. Trixie merely grunted, “Trixie was curious to see if they were the same, but this one’s broken! It won’t unlock!” Kronos merely grinned smugly, “Passwords, a beautiful invention... You won’t be able to unlock it, can I have it back...?” Trixie placed the iPod back in front of him with a huff of irritation. He picked it up and returned it to his pocket. “So let’s see how talented she is. Dex you still got yours?” “Nope, I always have my ipod in my hand while I’m listening to it, notice how my hand has never left my hoodie pocket?” He said, pulling out his iPod. Kronos merely chuckled, “Two outta three ain’t bad, huh Trix?” “Well, you know what they say about curiosity, right Trixie?” I added. Oh yes, because sayings about dead cats translate to the pony world, stop using words! Trixie waved it off dismissively as she inspected a black wallet... I quickly checked my back pocket for the comfortable lump. Still there... I looked over to the other guys. Kronos’ palm hit his head with an audible smack, “Bozarth, Satin, check your pockets...” Sean reached in his back pocket, “Well, I guess she did take something from me, my wallet appears to be missing.” He looked over at Trixie, “There is nothing in that wallet that is important to me, that is all that needs to be said.” Kronos deadpanned, “Is pickpocketing her talent...? She seems to be doing it quite well...” Sean cleared his throat, “I’m sure what me and my comrades here are trying to ask is....uh.....I really don’t want to ask myself since, well we....uh wanted to know how the odds are of us staying here?” Million dollar question... Kronos shrugged, “That too.” Versus dime store intelligence... I let out an audible sigh, “I’m with Dexy here.” The room grew silent as my gamble with our fates seemed to be coming to an end. The Golden Goddess visibly rolled the decision around in her head as she daintily sipped her tea. I became a bit more nervous, I was living in the bronydom’s top dream and it may be stripped from me in a moment. Think fast! “How... how about a trade?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~A few hours later, in a room of Canterlot Castle~ “It’s cold....” A shiver ran through my body as I sat atop the simple white bed. I stared intently at my bare legs as I covered... myself with my hands, trying not to make eye contact with pristine white princess in the room. “So, how was it?” Her motherly voice carried over to me. “Quick and with a bit of pain.” Continue staring at floor damnit. “I apologize, it has been so long since I’ve done this...” Her voice tainted with an ounce of sorrow. “In hindsight, you’re very much like Diamond Dogs, a bit small though.” “...I said it was cold.” I let out weakly. “Is there anything else you need me to do?” “No, I’m perfectly satisfied with your performance.” “Can I... Can I put my clothes back on?” My eyes crept up, finally making eye contact for the first time since we started and she was smiling that ever comforting smile. It was reassuring, and yet, I still felt tainted after what she'd just done to me... It was definitely breaching some things I thought forever sacred. One man is NOT meant to be subjected to this kind of thing... “Of course.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Kronos~ It had been a few minutes since Satin had been taken for ‘study’ and the library had fallen into relative silence. Twilight was reading, Trixie was still playing with Satin’s iPod, occasionally finding a rather embarrassing song for Satin to never live down. A song, that I could only name as, 'Gay Bar' was playing through the speakers while Trixie merely laughed at the poor man’s expense. Spike was cleaning up the library and Bozarth was listening to his music in the corner. I hopped to my feet and walked over to Bozarth. I patted his shoulder, “Hey, let’s go explore!” He looked up at me for a moment, “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea...” I gave him a deadpanned stare, “Come on ya scrub, we just got here and you don’t wanna see the town? Whatever, have fun and make sure Trixie doesn’t find any pony shit on Satin’s iPod.” With that I began walking towards the door. Dex put his hand on my shoulder, “No, if we go out there it could cause panic, mainly because we are not from here and as soon as we step outside,” he looked around and whispered, “one of the flower mares or even Pinkie could possibly start a mob.” I rolled my eyes, “We were placed on display without panic setting in, now you stay here if you like, I have exploring to do.” I continued on my way and snuck out of the library, and by snuck out, I mean walked out the front door, shortly followed by Bozarth who decided to grow a pair. Those three were far too distracted to even notice. I stepped out into the fresh air and inhaled deeply. The air’s so much cleaner here, I could get used to this. “I guess you’re right, Kronos, there is somewhere I wanted to check out if I ever got here.” He walked off towards the center of town. “See ya later.” I nodded, “ Later.” I walked around town, learning the layout so I could find my way easily. It was surprisingly peaceful, a lot of the ponies about had seen Trixie’s display and greeted me graciously. Though they all held some level of curiosity, some even with fear. It was disheartening, I’ve never been much to fear, it helps that I was surrounded by adorable ponies. I soon ended up EXACTLY where I wanted to be, just down the path from me was a small cottage at the edge of town, animals scurried about, unaware of the scourge of a man walking towards them. I walked up to the house, This is a horrible idea... it really is. Oooohh, a kitty! I turned to see a posh, overly-groomed white cat, stalking an unsuspecting mouse. I crouched on a knee and called to it, causing the mouse to flee, much to the cat’s chagrin. The cat walked up to me, glaring at my outstretched hand. It smacked my hand, catching its claws into the back of my hand. I grimaced for a moment, but continued smiling, it looked at me curiously before removing its claws, and licking the cut. I took my free hand and began gently rubbing its ears. Ha, I knew Opal wasn’t evil! “See? I’m not that bad.” She began rubbing her cheek into the open palm of my hand. I heard a squeak from behind the cottage door. I turned to see the face of a butter-yellow mare with a pink mane and bright teal eyes peeking out from behind the door frame. “Hello,” I looked down at Opalessence, “Err... Sorry, I’ve always had a soft spot for cats.” The mare slowly walked out from behind the door frame, “I-it’s okay, i-if you don’t mind me asking... what are you?” I stayed crouched, worried my height might intimidate her, “My name’s Kronos, I’m a human. Nice to meet you miss...” She attempted to hide behind her mane, “M-my name’s... Fluttershy...” I nodded briefly, offering a hand to her, “Ahhh... Fluttershy sounds like a beautiful name, it’s nice to meet you Fluttershy.” She blushed slightly as she placed her hoof in my hand nervously, “T-thank you... It’s nice to meet you too, K-kronos.” I shook her hoof and returned my attentions to playing with Opal, “She really is an adorable little cat.” Fluttershy giggled quietly and nodded, “S-she is, I’m watching her for a friend, her name is Opalescence.” I nodded for a moment, “Cute.” I looked up towards Fluttershy, looking at her wings, they seemed so delicate. “So, a pegasus... what’s it like to fly?” She seemed to ponder for a moment before responding, “It’s scary... being up so high, knowing so much could go wrong, but it feels so free as well... It’s hard to describe... I nodded again in understanding, “It’s always been a dream of mine... to fly I mean. Maybe someday I’ll find a way, but for now, I’m stuck on the ground. So, you take care of the animals around here?” She nodded. “So what kinds of animals do you watch?” She smiled happily, “Oh, I watch all kinds of animals, birds, squirrels, bunnies, fish, there are just so many of them!” I chuckled a bit, “Sounds like you really enjoy it.” She continued nodding, “Oh yes, I just love taking care of all of the critters!” “I agree, I’ve always loved animals, ever since I was small.” I commented with a chuckle, “I had a dog back home, my folks’ll take good care of her, but I’m gonna miss her.” “What was she like?” She asked, genuinely curious. “She was young, and she loved everyone.” I sighed as I thought, “She would play and nuzzle up to anyone she met. She was a bit schizophrenic though, almost anything could scare her, especially storms... and my niece...” I shook my head in frustration. No. It was the right decision to stay here. I’ll miss her... but I was never much of an uncle anyways, her father can handle her... I was snapped from my thoughts as I felt a hoof touch my shoulder. “A-are you okay? You looked like you were somewhere else for a moment.” Fluttershy commented, her voice tinged with worry. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking a bit.” I said with a half hearted chuckle. I began pushing thoughts of my family and friends back home out of my head, as I put on a forced smile. I tensed up as I felt a pair of hooves wrap around my chest. I looked down to see Fluttershy hugging me softly. I smiled a bit before she pulled away. “I-I’m so sorry, y-you just looked so...” She began stuttering nervously before I stopped her. “It’s okay. Thanks, I appreciate it.” I chuckled as Opal began rubbing her face against my hand. “You too, Opal.” I may never see them again... but I’d be a fool to give up a chance at my dream. I’m sorry, but I’m here to stay if I have anything to say about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dex~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once Kronos walked through the door a thought ran through my head, Perhaps he’s right, I am in Equestria after all. Why not explore? “I guess you’re right Kronos,” I said walking past him towards the center of town, “See ya later.” after a few steps Kronos said something back, but I was too busy making sure I had the map of Ponyville etched into the back of my mind to hear him. Hmmmm... if I remember correctly from the poorly drawn maps back home Sugar Cube Corner should be this way. I pondered my mental map as I walked through the town, receiving waves from any of the ponies who recognised me from Trixie’s earlier stage show. Of course, those who hadn’t seen it, looked upon me with trepidation and fear... As if I was a completely unwelcome sight. It wasn’t all bad though; some seemed genuinely more curious about me than scared. That was better than nothing I suppose. As I strolled through the town, I admired all the brightly coloured houses and shops; adding them as best as I could to the slowly growing map in my mind. Eventually, I came upon the shop I was looking for: Sugarcube Corner. Feeling satisfied, I smiled, and walked into the establishment. A chime rang out as I triggered the bell above the door, and before the last jingle finished, a voice called out from the back room, “Hello! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” It was a sweet, slightly older female voice. “Just give me a moment, I’ll be out to take your order in just a second!” “I got it, Mrs. Cake!” another more energetic voice yelled from the top of some stairs that were against the back wall. Before I could even walk two feet passed the door a pink blur dashed up to me. “Oooooh, hello I’m Pinkie Pie!” “Um, hi I’m Dex.” I said, with a half-smile trying not to laugh at the silly Pink pony in front me. Pinkie gasped and ran around me lifting my arms and poking at my legs, “What are you?” I chuckled, “Well isn’t that the question of the century, What am I? Well, I’m a human being, a bipedal creature.” “A human? What’s a human? Is it like a pony?” She asked, cocking her head sideways with a large grin spread across her face. I shook my head, “A long story, not enough time to tell it in, but yeah you can say that humans are like ponies.” “Awww, but I love stories especially long ones about a hero saving a princess and fighting a deadly dragon and living happily ever after with a small house on the prairie.” She said this the eternal smile of hers never leaving her face as she spoke. I laughed, “I’m sorry Pinkie, I would tell you the story, but I’m afraid I would run out of time to tell it and end up in more trouble than I already am in.” “Why? Is somepony after you?” she tilted her head adorably “No, no, I’m just new here and wasn’t supposed to leave where I was.” I replied, smirking at her. “Oh, well would you like to meet Gummy?” she asked, completely forgetting her earlier question. “Gummy?” I asked already knowing the outcome. Before I could say another word, Pinkie pulled a small, toothless alligator from thin air and showed it to me, “This is Gummy.” The alligator jumped from her grasp and chomped on her mane. Pinkie giggled at her little alligator friend, “He’s pretty awesome for a pet.” I said, not knowing what to say. Pinkie nodded, “Yes, he’s an amazing pet, he’s a ton of fun when I throw parties.” “Parties? Sounds fun.” I commented knowingly. “Yeah, it is.” Pinkie suddenly gasped, “You’re new here that means, I gotta go.” She disappeared in a pink blur just like she did when she entered the room. Hm, well I better get going, Twilight will be looking for us by now and... “There you are!” A familiar adorkable, somewhat frazzled voice called from behind. “I didn’t do it, don’t shoot.” I said aloud raising my hands in mock guilt. Twilight trotted in front of me, “What?” I chuckled and lowered my arms, “Just a small joke, sorry.” “You should be! If Princess Celestia came back while you were gone she might’ve decided to send you home!” She said, chastising me. “Sorry.” I frowned guiltily. “It’s okay Dex, lets go find Kronos. It shouldn’t be too hard to find him...” Twilight said, calming herself a bit. I nodded, “Probably not, we stick out like a sore thumb.” She quirked a brow at me. “It’s an expression from back home.”
Chapter 1: The RitualChapter 1: The Ritual Somewhere, a distraught light blue unicorn was making a less than wise decision. “How dare they mock the Great and Powerful Trixie?!” She seemed... flustered. Wonder why. Nobody tells the narrator anything. Well fine, let's listen to her. “They will pay! They will all pay!” She began to cackle. Really? A cackle, I guess we just found the villain of this story although it would be better if she had a twirly mustache... and a top hat. Scratch that, the top hat would make it far too silly. “Would you please stop talking! The Great and Powerful Trixie is scheming!” She shouted at... me. Sorry, my bad. Man, what a b- “HEY!” She yelled out turning a delightful shade of red. You’re the one being rude to somepony you haven’t even met, much less see. “Right, where are you anyway?” She threw a glare this way and that searching for yours truly. Uhhhhhhhh everywhere I think? Anyway, let’s foreshadow what you’re going to do next. She sat down hard clearly confused and stared towards the sky. “Wait... what?” (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tim~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) “Trollestia, Molestia, or both?” I looked back towards my friends who stared at me with mixed feelings of shame and disappointment. “Oh come on, it’s an interesting take on the character. Nobody is lawful good IRL.” I shifted my uncomfortable tote bag. Tyler hung his head in shame before responding, “That may be true for us humans, but Celestia is not a human, nor a regular pony now is she?” Sean shrugged, “I would have to agree with Tim here just because it’s quite possible that if we were to ever meet them I’m certain that they wouldn’t be the same as they are on the show.” He said, grabbing his backpack from the trunk of his car. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’d expect them to be the perfect beings they’re made to be, I just can’t imagine Princess Celestia having her little ponies worship the royal plot.” Tyler said, slinging a beat-up black backpack over his shoulder and closing the trunk. “So that’s a vote for the Trollestia? Sounds like it to me.” I say definitively. “I’d have to go for Trollestia as well, all I know is that I wouldn’t want to see Celestia raping everypony.” Sean said removing the hood he wore. Tyler tilted his head back and forth in thought before tilting his fedora over his eyes, “Yeah I could see her getting bored and trolling her little ponies.” “I think I prefer a bit of both. Seems like more fun that way. What’s the point of being a tyrannical ruler if you can’t have some real fun.” I said, trying to make them both uncomfortable with the thought. Sean facepalmed at the thought of me and Celestia hanging out in different ways, “Satin I don’t understand you at times.” Tyler shook his head a bit, “This is why I prefer my lunar princess. Luna nobis custodit.” I gave him a questioning look, “What does that even mean?” Tyler sighed briefly, “The moon keeps us.” Sean facepalmed yet again, “I have a feeling by the time tonight is over I’ll have a big red handprint on my face.” Tyler grinned, “Ya need help with that Bozarth? I’m always happy to lend a hand!” Sean looked at Tyler with an unamused look on his face, “Believe me, you’ve already helped enough.” Tyler just shrugged and placed his hands into his pocket, pulling out a pocket watch. He sighed as he replaced it into his pocket. I raised a brow, “Sigh? What’s your problem?” “I honestly don’t know.” He shrugged again, “Oh well. So... Fluttershy is best pony, agreed?” “First off, you shouldn’t have a problem at the moment for we are in the parking lot of BroNYcon, and of course Fluttershy is best pony. Have you lost your mind my friend?” Tyler yawned briefly, “I just feel off today, I’m usually asleep right about now.” “Complain, complain, complain. How can you be SUCH a bitch? Cheer up there are ponies!” I responded with about half sarcasm. “Oh I am nearly ecstatic, just tired. Plus, would you rather I start whining? If there’s one lesson that Rarity has taught us, it’s that whining solves EVERYTHING!” Tyler responded with a half smile. “Please don’t, I was watching ponies all night last night and when I was about to leave, that episode came on. I don’t need another ear bleed, thank you.” Sean said shaking his head “Children, I will send you to your corner if you don’t start getting along.” I said with a smirk. “Tim, why don’t you go lead a group of knights to their deaths at the hand of a ferocious rabbit.” Sean said, rolling his eyes. Tyler stared at seemingly nothing for a minute before breaking into a large grin, “Can I have a pony in my corner? I promise I’ll love it and play with it and feed it and cuddle it and...” He stopped his list and began laughing, “It is NOT possible to say that with a straight face!” “Of course not.” Sean said chuckling, and taking his headphones from around his neck, placing them over his ears. “Now if you don’t mind, I got some music to listen to.” “No, you’re not excused, you need to socialize with your fellow bronies!” Tyler said, following it up with an evil laugh. “Oh, I will be socializing Kronos, because it appears you didn’t see the emblem on both sides of my headphones” Sean said showing off Vinyl’s cutie mark on the sides of his headphones “Somepony is bound to notice these.” Tyler gave him a sidelong glance, “No, I did. I just don’t understand what that has to do with the conversation... At all...” “Well isn’t it obvious, there are bound to be a lot of Scratch fans in there. Considering the music they play over the speakers and besides no matter how loud my music is, I can still hear anyone who speaks to me, in fact my music is blaring right now.” Tyler threw his hands behind his head, “Wow... You talk... a lot!” “Yeah and you’re an asshole, what’s your point.” “CHILDREN! I SWEAR ON SWEET CELESTIA! I WILL END YOU!” I said with a good amount of venom. “Can you end him first? It sounds like fun to watch.” Tyler just smiled innocently. “Ah go cast your fireballs.” Sean said “What in the name of Luna does that even mean?” Tyler said, cocking an eyebrow. I threw my hands up in defeat and muttered, “Freaking idiots.” under my breath. “Could be worse, you could be stuck with us... Foreeevvveeerrr!!!!” Tyler said, pantomiming Pinkie. (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Trixie~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) I’m telling you this spell is a bad idea. “Shut up, this is happening.” But I saw them, they are dumb as bricks. Bricks of like, even more dumb. “You said they were chaotic. They sound perfect, a little bit of fun chaos here and I’ll have shown up that arrogant foal with a powerful summoning spell.” She said as she went through her books. Looking for her silly spell. “Do you really have to do that?” …Yes? That’s what I’m here for. “Well keep it down, The Great and Powerful Trixie needs absolute silence as she studies.” Well aren’t you a pretentious little pony? Fine let’s hurry this up. Check page 137. “...Really?” Yeah, come on my chaotic neutral pony. Let’s make some... funsies... A look of disgust was thrown in... my direction, I suppose. “Funsies? Really? The voice in my head is just a blathering idiot.” See this is why nopony likes you. She just released a grumble as she went back to going over the spell in the book. Look even the other narrators don’t like you, I’m the closest one to being on your side here. So chill out. “...There are more of you up there?” She gazed hesitantly to the skies. Yes there are, can I say something? She merely nodded before smacking herself across the face. “What was that for!?” She screamed towards what she thought was me. I don’t like you... Hello there, might I just say that this spell is bound to go wrong? You know it, I know it and so do the other two. She smacks herself. Stop it ya’ll, I’m working here! I’m the narrator currently. Fine... Alright... “What... what is going on?!?!?” She asked with a bit of pain in her voice, rubbing her cheek. You’ve gone quite insane. You’re so insane you can hear the story’s narration... Congratulations, now go get mental help... I thought I told you to leave... Fine, I’m goin’, I’m goin’! Sorry about that, they can be so unprofessional at times. Anyway, back to that dastardly plot you were concocting. She fell silent as she layed down and began to read through it a few times, she began to prepare her spell taking great care to get all the details correct. Archaic symbols were drawn on the ground in the circle with her hoof so that they were flawless, a bit of incense was lit (a rather lovely lavender blend), and just a metric butt-load of pale blue unicorn magic. I still don’t think this a good idea Trixie. “Why narrator, would it be fun any other way?” She asked with a smirk. Quite mad indeed. (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tyler~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) We all stood in awe at the display before us, we had just entered the lobby to be greeted by a man... in a Big Macintosh mascot costume... I was the first to speak, “I-it’s glorious!” “Indeed.” Sean replied from under his blaring headphones. “Freaking furries, ruining everything I love and cherish.” Tim said unenthusiastically. “This has nothing to do with furries, it’s Big Macintosh!” I shouted with a tad too much glee. The man in the costume turned towards us before responding, “Eeeyyup...” Sean slapped his palm on his face, gesturing the start of the night’s stupidity “Let it begin.” We began walking around the convention center before stopping in front of a purveyor of the most glorious goods known to brony-kind... Pony plushies... I ran towards the stand and quickly picked up a Fluttershy plushie, just small enough to fit in my backpack comfortably, and began hugging it dearly. I looked back at the stand to see an equally inviting Luna plushie. My heart and wallet were torn... “I’ll be back for you...” I said with a manly tear falling from my cheek. The man running the stand just grinned at my shenanigans. Sean approached the stand next, looking over the plushies before his eyes fell on every brony’s favorite wall-eyed mail mare. He picked it up from the stall and held it to his chest happily. Tim was the last to get to the stand as he gazed over the large selection of adorableness. He began to rub his chin as he looked at all the plushies individually. He picked up a Doctor Whooves plushie and began to inspect it. “Too 11th Doctor for my tastes.” He placed it back in its area. The vendor just rolled his eyes before turning back to me, “A bit indecisive ain’t he?” I just nodded, “You can’t rush a man in search of perfection.” The man just smiled before watching Tim as he went back to perusing the wide selection. He began to pick up background ponies, as he inspected them and eventually dismissed them in kind. He stopped... His eyes grew wide as they fell on the one... a pink/little filly Celestia. I swear from the look on his eyes he had found the perfect one, the light shone on it invitingly and he took a step towards it. As he was about to grasp it my vision began to fade into black, only to hear Tim release an unhappy phrase, “OH COME ON!” (~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sean~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) As Tim was a few inches from a plushie he decided had to be his, the room seemed to fall into a black abyss leaving the three of us standing in a small forest clearing, confused and uncertain as to our location. The area strangely smelled of lavender, my vision began to clear and I was the first to speak, “Where in the name of Celestia’s peaceful land are we?” Tyler began to shake his head as he came to his senses, “Luna never gets any love...” “Don’t worry, I’ll love Luna.” Tim said with a cheeky smile. “I saw that hand, you were goin’ for Celly and we both know it.” Tyler chuckled. “Guys we are in the middle of a forest, without any idea as to our whereabouts, and you’re worried whether Celestia is getting too much love and if Luna is getting any?” I said after facepalming. “Of course, what’s more important... than... ponies... oh LUNA DAMMIT!” Tyler said as he began to glare at something behind me. “What?” I followed his gaze and saw a light blue unicorn, who I recognized as Trixie. “Oh no, not her, anypony but her.” Tim’s smile grew as he turned his gaze on the pony. “Oh this is just fantastic, I’ll take a real pony over a plushie any day!” He rushed forward as he picked up the pompous pony and gave her a giant hug. “Let go of the Great and Powerful Trixie you bipedal buffoon.” She replied as she squirmed in Tim’s bear hug. “...Hug a pony and piss off Trixie at the same time...? I’m down!” Tyler rushed over and glomped the arrogant little mare. “Are you guys out of your right mind, that’s a villain! You don’t hug villains!” Tyler rolled his eyes, “She’s an antagonist. Villains are far more sinister than this little mare, she’s merely an annoyance.” “You’re merely an annoyance! Unhoof me right this instant!” Trixie shouted, slowing her struggle “You’re too fluffy, sorry... Kinda...” Tyler grinned as he held her tight, his Fluttershy plushie still in his hand. I facepalmed and dragged my hand down my face. “Alright, let’s assess the situation, we are in the middle of a forest, there’s a pony....” I began to list off things that had just happened since we got here... which wasn’t much. “The only reasonable explanation is we are in Equestria, in the middle of the Everfree forest.” Tyler deadpanned, “Tally that onto the list of shit we already know, now are you gunna hug this little pony or not?” “Shut up Kronos.” I said unamused, I walked over and sat next to my friends still hugging the boastful pony. “I got a pony, you can’t annoy me right now.” Tyler said, squeezing Trixie even tighter. “Release The Great and Powerful Trixie this instant!” She commented with a groan. “Do you really want us to let you go?” Tyler asked, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. She glared at Tyler, “Of course! This is insufferable!” “Then why haven’t you made us? Surely you have enough magic for the task.” Trixie seemed to look away from Tyler, visibly avoiding his stare as he spoke. “So the way I see it, either you enjoy this more than you let on. Or you’re unsure of whether you’d be able to make us. Though, as I see it, that last one is impossible, you’re too confident in yourself to believe you couldn’t.” “T-Trixie is merely too weak from the summoning...” She stated, turning her head away. Tyler merely raised an eyebrow in suspicion, smiling with a cocksure grin. I placed my hand over my eyes and shook my head at how ridiculous her response was “Really, that’s your excuse?” “Ohhhh you’re so cute when you’re trying to cover your flank.” Tim said rather dreamily. Tyler just chuckled as he replaced his Fluttershy into his backpack, “Keep it rated E here buddy.” “Cute doesn’t equal bangable.” He responded without missing a beat. Trixie just stared at Tim with mixed levels of shock and disgust. “Guys, none of that.” I said with my face still in the palm of my hand. “Come on, you know she is SO many levels of cute!” Tyler said, placing the blushing pony in his lap as he rested his arms over her shoulders, crossing his hands in front of her chest. Tim merely glared at the pony thief. “Okay fine, I’ll admit she is cute, but I don’t feel like hugging an antagonist at the moment.” I said removing my hand from my face. Tyler leaned his head over her shoulder as he commented, “This adorable little ‘antagonist’ just brought us to Equestria. Oh well, more pony for me. Thank you by the way Trixie.” “Yeah thanks, you adorable blue Unicorn. Appreciate it as long as you don’t have some kind of mind control on us now.” Tim stated with his ever-present grin. “Yeah thanks, I guess.” I said smacking Tim across the back of his head. “The fuck was that a for!?” Tim glared at me and punched me hard in the arm. “Don’t give her any ideas Tim.” I said quietly. “Oh come on, mind control would be totally against the law! Whereas... summoning... damnit...” Tim held a hand to his head realizing his mistake. Tyler just shook his head, “Get real, I doubt she’d even try. We wouldn’t be nearly as fun as mindless dolls.” To her credit, Trixie didn’t seem to think much on the idea... hopefully... “Well you...” She glanced up to the skies for a moment before continuing. “humans? Right, humans. Well the Great and Powerful Trixie requires...” She let out a huff. “Some assistance. AND WOULD YOU PUT ME DOWN!” Tyler leaned over her shoulder, “What do you need... and do I have to? You’re just so cute when you pretend to be annoyed.” I raised an eyebrow in her direction, “Help...? Why should we help you?” Tyler glared toward me, “Stop being a prick and hear her out...” “Fine, how can we help, oh Great and Powerful Trixie” I said, shaking my hands next to my head. She shifted a bit uncomfortably in Tyler’s lap, “Well... I...” her ear twitched for a second, “I’m asking them, give me a second!” She yelled to the sky. “Right, Trixie requires your help in showing off her extraordinary magical ability. With Equestria’s only humans as proof of the Great and Powerful Trixie’s magical prowess nopony will ever doubt her again!” She then let out what I can only describe as a maniacal laugh. “...Evil laugh aside... Why do you even care?” Tyler said, idly stroking her mane. I quickly turned up my music, “Nope, sorry can’t help ya.” Tim was a little more insistent, “Come on! Did you hear that? That was probably the most adorable thing I’ve heard in real life. Ever. Forever. Ever.” Trixie merely glared at us and then to the sky once more, “Alright, I have it on good authority that I shouldn’t mind control my minions. So just agree to this and I will send you back.” Tyler smiled a devious grin, “So you’re saying that if we don’t help you, we’re stuck here forever?” Trixie just nodded smugly. “Well, sounds like a plan to me guys.” Tyler said with a shrug Tyler rose to his feet and patted the pony on the head, “Have fun, just remember not to put so much stock into others’ beliefs of you.” Trixie stared at us incredulously, “B-but don’t you want to return home!?” Tyler looked over his shoulder and chuckled, “Whatever gave you that idea?” “Pfft... That place was a living hell, why would we want to go back there?” I stated Tyler rolled his eyes, “Oh stop being such a drama queen. It wasn’t nearly that bad, this place is just better!” Tim just sat beside Trixie and stared at our shenanigans, “Humanity at work, they say if you put 6 humans in a room you’ll come out with 12 opinions.” He chuckled as Trixie shifted her gaze at him. Tyler stopped and lowered his head for a moment and let out a brief sigh, “I’ll help you... but on my terms...” Trixie rolled her eyes, “And what are your ‘terms’ human?” “I just don’t want you using us to stir up trouble and the like, I’m fine with you showing some pride in your success, just don’t rub it in. I can’t support that, oh and you don’t send me back.” Tyler said with a hint of irritation. A sneer appeared on her face, “You do realize I can send you back right now!” “Yes, but then who would hug you?” Tyler said with a light hearted chuckle. “Unfortunately I’m going to have to help you as well if I want to stay considering if I walk away I’ll be sent back, my terms are equal to Tyler’s” I said with a grim look upon my face. Tim laughed, “Can’t you just send them back, I’m totally ok with doing your bidding.” He responded happily. Tyler stared at Tim for a moment before whispering to me, “Should we be worried that he’s already a complete slave to her cuteness?” “I suppose we should be a bit worried about him, but once we get into town he’ll probably change his mind and work with the town ponies.” I said with a slight chuckle. “Sounds like ya’ll are bitching about a free ticket to Equestria and want to go back to Earth so badly.” He said as he stroked the unicorn’s mane. “Who’s bitching, I definitely am not bitching.” I stated, waving his suggestion off. “Sorry I just wanna preserve my free will, you know... That thing you just handed Trixie on a gold, fucking platter.” Tyler said furrowing his brow. “She just said she’s not mind controlling us! I’m really not seeing a problem here!” Tim threw back. Tyler just shook his head, “Mind control isn’t the only form of manipulation. Come on, let’s get this shit over with. I have ponies to meet and places to go.” “Well I’m bringing her with us just in case.” Tim said as he put her on his back, wrapping her hooves around his neck as he stood up and walked towards us. “The Great and Powerful Trixie will not be treated as a common sack of potatoes!” Trixie exclaimed. “Actually, that’s a common way to show affection where we’re from, he might get insulted if you don’t let him... Maybe enough to ruin your plans even...” Tyler said with a devilish smirk. “Oh, now we wouldn’t want that to happen would we?” I said smirking along with my friend. She managed to clam up a bit and had the decency to even blush a little, “Right, human social rules.” She muttered Tim had even wider smile on than he had previously and gave us both a wink. “Which direction, madam?” Trixie let out a pretty adorable chuckle as she pointed in a direction, Tim nodded and began to lead on. Tyler sighed, “Well if we’re going to be together for a while might as well introduce ourselves, name’s Tyler, though personally I prefer Kronos.” “My name’s Sean but a few people call me Dex, it doesn’t matter which you call me by.” I stated removing my headphones for a brief second. ‘Kronos’ smiled a bit, “But he’ll always be our little Bozarth.” “And your chariot, milady, is named Tim. Or Satin, all’s good.” Tim said with ever-present smile. Trixie let out a scoff, “Those are by far the most absurd names the Great and Powerful Trixie has ever heard!” “Well, at least we don’t talk in the third person.” I stated bluntly. Trixie just let out a huff, “Well let’s all just agree that you’re wrong.” She muttered succinctly. Tim let out a laugh, “Seconded!” Tyler deadpanned, “Satin, you’re going to agree to everything she says, thus your opinion is invalid.” “You’re you, Tyler. Therefore, everything you say is invalid.” Tim shot back. “We’re in Equestria everything any of us three say is invalid.” I put out there “...and there’s the voice of reason, well whatever. Where we going to first O’ Great and Powerful Trixie?” Tim said as he rolled his eyes. I could see Trixie’s devilish smile appear on her lips, “Well first, we must show up a certain town of the most willful foals I have ever seen!” Tyler just put his head in his hand, likely already preparing for the shitstorm that was sure to come. “Sounds like some fun shenanigans to me!” Tim put in his ever-so-useful two cents. “Hopefully this doesn’t ruin our first impressions with the mane six.” I stated under my breath.
Chapter 2: Human and Pony ShowChapter 2: Human and Pony Show In Ponyville’s library, a certain librarian was doing a bit too much studying... again... “Twilight, shouldn’t you take a break? You’ve been studying for hours.” The bookish, purple unicorn looked up from her studies to stare at her assistant. “I would Spike, but I’ve been seriously falling behind lately. Just a few more minutes.” Spike sighed and began furrowing his brow, “You said that two hours ago, come on Twi’, at least come outside for lunch.” As if on cue, her stomach let out a low growl causing her to blush. “Fine, we can go to that cafe down the street. Just let me get cleaned up.” Spike nodded his agreement and the unicorn trotted up the stairs and into the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, she was a bit of a mess. Her mane was crooked and uneven while her eyes were accentuated by small bags underneath them. She splashed some water on her face and began telekinetically brushing her mane with her favorite brush. After a few minutes she looked perfectly normal again and headed downstairs to see Spike waiting for her impatiently. “Why do you always take so long in there?” Spike groaned. Twilight raised a brow curiously, “I was in there for five minutes...” Spike merely rolled his eyes before walking to the door, “Ready Twi’?” She nodded before leading him out the door. On their way to the cafe they saw a large group of ponies flocking in the direction of the Everfree. Spike turned to Twilight, “What’s up with them?” Twilight shrugged, “Let’s go find out.” They began trotting along in the direction everypony was headed, eventually a large crowd caught their eyes. Everypony was standing still gawking at whatever sight they beheld. Twilight could barely hear the shouting of a familiar pony over the crowd. She sighed loudly before muttering, “Not again...” As she pushed herself through the crowd she was able to make out a few words from the pony shouting over the rest, still not enough to go on though so she continued through the crowd. When she finally made her way to the front of the crowd she couldn’t help but stare at the sight before her. A familiar, light blue unicorn stood in the center of the crowd along with three strange creatures she had never seen before. They seemed to resemble hairless diamond dogs. One wore a shroud of black, another wore black pants with a white T-shirt along with a black fedora, while the last wore a red shirt with a fleur de lis stamp and white shorts. “Behold! I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, have done what was thought impossible. I have summoned beings from another world. Now which of you can claim that you have done that!” She released a loud laugh. “Now where is that lavender filly? I have something wonderful to show her!” One of the creatures was holding its head with its claw-like appendage, while another was glaring pointedly at her. The other... was possibly the most frightening of the three... standing silently, grinning ear-to-ear. One could only imagine the thoughts that crossed its mind. Then, the shrouded one spoke “Will somepony shut her up already?” The creature spoke removing its claw-like appendage from over its face. The hatted creature just shook its head in shame, “She’s been like this for hours... I just wanted to meet the ponyfolk but this...” it said gesturing towards Trixie, “This is torture!” ...and the final one, the final merely laughed before speaking, “Not the most awkward way I’ve ever been introduced, try pantsless and drunk!” “Humans! You are ruining the Great and Powerful Trixie’s achievement! Quit talking already!” Trixie threw at the large monsters. “We have names... which we’ve already told you... Now start using them or I’ll let Satin hug you all he wants... and we both know how much he wants to...” The creature threatened as he pulled on the rim of his hat. The shrouded creature chuckled “Unless you want him to hug you again.” The creature that had threatened Trixie smirked, “No, we’re in public. She doesn’t want the ponyfolk to know how much she loves it. Ain’t that right ice queen?” Trixie pulled her hat over her face for a moment before yelling, “YOU AREN’T HELPING!” Twilight turned back to the crowd, the ponies all trying to contain their laughter. She merely smiled at the antics of these strange creatures. She heard a soft plop as Spike fell from her back, rolling on the ground in laughter. The creature with the hat began scanning the crowd before its eyes fell on her. It began nudging its compatriots and whispering, all seemed to smile a bit. The ever smiling one kneeled down and whispered into Trixie’s ear and pointed in my general direction and I could see the smile grow on her face. “Ohhh Twilight,” She spoke loudly over the crowd, “I don’t believe you can top this.” She said as she flourished her fore hooves and threw back her cape. The hooded one shook its head “Oh sweet Celestia, just shut up already. Twilight you don’t need to do a thing to pass her up.” The creature in the hat nodded, “The idiot has a point Twi’.” Twilight was clearly confused by the situation, some creatures Trixie had summoned were... sticking up for her? She had to make sense of this situation and this crowd wasn’t helping. She threw Spike over her back and began to make her way to the center of the spectacle. When she got close to Trixie, the blue unicorn was smiling like she had won some non-existent contest. She wasn’t smiling for long. The purple magic enveloped the entire group and teleported them all back to her living room. “What in Equestria do you think you’re doing!?” Twilight let loose on Trixie. For once, Trixie looked taken back, if only for a second. “The Great and Powerful Trixie believes she is finally proving herself for the magician she is!” “By summoning creatures from another world!? Not only have you just ruined their chances at a normal life, but you have also ripped them from their homes!?” Twilight relented as she felt something touch her shoulder. “Calm down, anger doesn’t solve much.” The creature smiled down at her, tilting his hat up a bit. “And might I add that we never really liked our lives in our own world in the first place.” the hooded creature pointed out. “For the love of Luna, Dex... stop being such a Bozarth!” The other creature commented before turning back to Twilight, “We don’t hate our home, we just like it here better! We haven’t been properly introduced, call me Kronos.” It said holding out its claw. The creature was tall, about as tall as the princesses she guessed and it was a bit on the heavy side. It had a short black mane and hazel brown eyes. Judging from its voice, she surmised it to be male. “As Tyler had stated someponies call me Dex, others call me Sean, but these two call me Bozarth.” The hooded creature said, this one had short brown mane and was a bit shorter than the first; Twilight assumed it was male from the sound of its voice, and had hazel green eyes. The last one was significantly hairier than the other two. His chestnut brown mane framed his face as well as a bit above his mouth, he was also physically the largest of the group. He held out his claw and said, “The name is Tim, but you can call me Satin. It’s a pleasure to meetcha.” He said with an eerie smile. Twilight’s anger had been completely derailed by these creatures friendliness. “Oh... well... It COULD have been disastrous.” Kronos held a level gaze with her, “Did it turn out disastrously? I like to believe that we’re relatively tame compared to some of our species.” Twilight’s eyes narrowed, “Your species? What’s wrong with your species?” “Nothing, just like with every species, every race, there are good people and bad people, personally I like to believe we fit into the prior category.” Kronos merely shrugged. Twilight let out an audible sigh, “...Well fine, let’s find out how to send you guys home before Trixie gets in trouble for bringing you all here.” She turned and began walking to a separate part of the library. Kronos’ eyes grew wide, “B-but I don’t want to go...” Twilight finally managed to kill Satin’s smile, “Seconded, this place seems waaaaaaaaaaay more fun!” Sean looked away for a moment, “Excuse me, but I too wish to stay, for many reasons.” “I thought you believed in friendship and its magic...” Kronos said, before muttering something under his breath. “And there are no specific rules against summoning, young Twilight!” responded Trixie defensively. Twilight held a hoof to her head as she winced, “It’s not specifically against the law... but it’s not encouraged! Only some bullheaded pony would ever do it!” She said as she tried to put her point across. Trixie opened her mouth to respond but Kronos beat her to it, “Are you saying she’s not bullheaded?” Sean chuckled, though he was in tears. “Are you serious?” Kronos turned to Dex before gesturing towards him with a claw, “Y’see? Bozarth’s legitimately crying because he wants to stay, are you really going to turn away willing visitors?” Satin busted out laughing, immediately breaking all the tension in the room, “Ha, ha, ha! Bozarth has feelings! What a bitch!” Kronos fell to the floor clutching his stomach, laughing a tad more than he should have, given the situation. He began trying to speak, eventually he managed to gasp out, “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you Bozarth, that was just a fantastic tension breaker!” “Of course I have feelings, I hid my emotions because I was afraid to be judged, thats one of the reasons I want to stay here, more people are cruel in our world than here, I can put up these two because they’re my friends” Sean said putting out a reason to stay. “You give me too little credit! I can be cruel! I promise!” Tim said still laughing like an idiot. “You wouldn’t happen to have a mute spell by any chance do ya?” Sean asked Twilight. Twilight looked between the three friends, a look between shock and confusion, and maybe a bit of pity on her face. She turned to Trixie for a moment and her features hardened. “I don't understand WHY I am doing this, but I won't tell Celestia that you did something so.. so... Idiotic! As long as you keep these three in check!” With that she turned and began searching through her books, choosing to ignore the new species and the problems they bring, if only for a little longer. Of course she could always just teleport them out of town and tell them to get out, but she knew nothing about them. Who knows what kind of trouble they could get into if left alone? Especially the big one, thankfully he seemed like the only one in the group who would cause trouble. Bozarth, or... Sean, or... Why do these creatures have so many names?! He seemed emotional, and complacent. Surely he wouldn't cause any harm. Although he may need somepony to watch him for different reasons. Kronos seemed... Hard to pin, he didn't seem like he would cause trouble but he was obviously far more willing to cause it then the small boy. Small, that seems like a hypocritical thought, these creatures stood at least half of a meter over her on average, the largest, Satin was almost one meter...No he was one meter higher than her. Kronos breathed a sigh of relief before smiling warmly, “Thank you Twilight, now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pompous pony to love and tolerate.” With that Kronos sat down behind Trixie, leaning against her back and extending his arms over her shoulders, hugging her warmly. She seemed to grow a bit flustered but didn’t say anything in protest. Sean sat down, placing his knees to his chest and put the hood of his shroud over his head, hiding his face. Satin kneeled down to Twilight’s height and placed a claw on his cheek, “You aren’t going to keep us hidden forever, better Celestia find out about us now, rather then wait till we do something inevitably stupid.” Kronos merely shrugged, “Might as well.” “Yeah, you may as well get it over with” Sean said from underneath his hood. Trixie raised a hoof to her chin before muttering, “A royal audience to the Great and Powerful Trixie’s accomplishments?” She smiled widely before speaking up a bit, “Trixie approves!” Twilight looked between the three newcomers and her so-called “Rival” with no small amount of confusion. “You....Really think it would be best?” She said sullenly as she focused back on the large human in front of her. “I do. Yeah, I mean she is kinda your princess, so not telling her may get us all in trouble. And while I'm used to it, I would rather not see you or Trix over here get busted.” “Trix?” An indignant grunt from behind was all Trixie could squeeze in at Satin’s comment. “But Satin... Trix are for kids!” Kronos stated, grinning widely. Twilight blinked a bit in surprise, “Well okay then, Spike take a note please.” She turned to see Spike looking over Sean curiously, keeping a bit away from him. “Spike!” Twilight nearly shouted. “Huh, what? Oh sorry!” Spike rubbed his neck awkwardly before pulling some writing utensils from a nearby desk. “Good, are you ready?” Twilight asked innocently as she strode about on her metaphorical high-horse. “Yea Twi, anytime.” Spike responded, Quill and parchment in hand. “Dear Princess Celestia, I regret to inform you that this letter is not, in fact a friendship report. Whereas I would normally take the time to detail important lessons that I have learned in this letter; that will not be the case at all. It has come to my attention that three uninvited visitors from another world have arrived through the assistance of a...” She looked at Trixie a moment and let out a small sigh. “Rather powerful unicorn. They do not appear to be dangerous, and have expressed an interest in staying here, in Ponyville. If possible I would like for you to come and visit these three and see if they could be accepted as residents here, or perhaps in Canterlot. I will have more detailed information on the three in tonight’s report. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.” She looked to Spike as he finished writing the words. After a moment he looked to Twilight, who nodded anxiously at him. He inhaled deeply and breathed his regular green fire onto the parchment which disintegrated into a green flaming smoke cloud that traveled out a nearby open window and into the midday sun. Trixie smiled haughtily, “Trixie would have referred to herself as Great and powerful, but ‘rather powerful’ will just have to do.” This earned a few exasperated sighs and a collective glare from the rest of the room. “Well.... That’s that then.” Satin said as he stood from his kneeling position. Which he apparently did too fast as he immediately cupped his head as he stood. “Woo, lightheaded, hold up.” He said with a laugh as Twilight began looking nervous about how Celestia would react. Sean stood and dusted himself off before looking over at Satin “You aright there, Tim?” He turned and winked at Dex, “Look, I may have just sealed our fates. Always get dizzy when I do that.” Kronos slowly looked up from the ever-flustered Trixie, “Yeah, because sealing people’s fates is something you do on a regular basis...” Satin just shrugged in response, “Happens?” He responded with an upward inflection. Sean shook his head “Me and my weird friends.” Kronos shrugged before returning to stroking Trixie’s mane. An unsure smile was still on Satin’s face, “So what happens now Twilight? Want us to just wait around here for judgement, or what?” He said as he scratched his head nervously. “Sounds good to me.” Kronos said, barely stifling a yawn. “I’m alright with sitting around for awhile” Sean said sticking his claws in his pockets. Kronos placed his saddlebag between himself and Trixie and began searching through it before retrieving a small black item. Placing it next to him with a smile before returning to his search. He stopped searching, a look of utter horror displayed on his face as he replaced the item and closed the bag. He remained silent and began to hug Trixie tight. Satin rolled his eyes as he pulled something from his pocket, pulled a white string off it, and threw it at Kronos, “We can share but if you break em’ or give them back to me with nasty earwax I will end you.” Sean looked at Kronos “Or,” he tossed him a black string “You can have my extra pair.” Kronos’ eyes shone with joy as he threw Tim back his string, “Thanks Bozarth! If you were a pony I’d offer you a hug, but sorry, no such luck.” He pulled the item back from his saddlebag and began tapping at it, placing an end of the string into it while he placed a bit from the other end into one of his ears. He soon began to hum a familiar tune, though she couldn’t recall where she’d heard it before. Satin must have noticed her interest and her confusion, “Don’t mind him, he can be anti-social at times. Here lemme show you what these are.” He began to mess with the shiny metal object. Kronos merely rolled his eyes,” Yeah, because you’re one to talk oh Lord of the Cloth!” “Ignore him, these” he showed her the object, it seemed to be made of glass and metal, “are music players. Lemme show ya some music from Earth.” He began messing with the music box for a second before laughing, “Here we go, something very suitable for this situation. Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles.” He leaned down and put the white ends into her ears. The light plucking of stringed instruments began to play into her ears, soon the melody began to pick up and a higher pitched voice began to sing. It was... rather enjoyable, very happy and upbeat. As the song was roughly half over by her estimate, a bright flash filled the room, before Twilight could see the cause she heard Kronos chuckle, “Hey, what d’ya know, here comes the sun! Beautiful timing!” Satin stood up quickly, accidentally yanking the earbuds out of Twilight’s ears. Earning a loud, “OW!” out of the startled unicorn. Sean shielded his eyes, “Woah.” As the light receded Twilight was able to make out the figure of her mentor, Princess Celestia. Kronos stood up, briefly dusting himself off and placing the string into his pants before gripping his hat with a claw, flourishing his arm to the side, ending in front of his stomach as he bowed. As he rose Twilight could see that all of the earlier silliness was gone from his face, making him appear oddly serious for the creature. “Princess.” Sean quickly bowed “My liege.” Satin’s nervous smile became a bit askew as he touched the top of his head with one of his claws and started making circles in the air as he bowed. She began to gracefully move in between Satin and Twilight never taking her eyes off of the newcomers her calm, low voice uttered only a few syllables, “And what are you?” Satin’s smile didn’t leave his face but you could still see the uncertainty in his eyes, “Humans!” He nervously shouted out, “Ummm... humans, Princess. Mammals from a world called Earth.” Kronos coughed lightly, “Sorry, he’s a bit nervous as you can probably understand. But yes, we’re humans.” Satin returned to scratching the back of his head and looking down, “Sorry Princess, I’ve never been in the company of royalty before. Please forgive my... rudeness.” He said as tactfully as he could manage. The room fell silent for a moment as Celestia considered the new creatures. “Humans... I can’t say I have ever really heard of anything like you, no mentions in any of the books in Canterlot’s rather... Extensive libraries. Where do you come from again?” She appeared curious about the creatures, but she also seemed rather wary of them, except for Tim, who she seemed to stare at with a small smile rather than caution. “Earth, there’s nothing written about us?” Kronos asked as he threw a questioning glance towards Trixie. She returned the glance with an indignant stare. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is a magician! And a good magician, NEVER reveals her secrets!” Kronos sighed briefly, “You mind if we talk about this over tea? I’m quite thirsty, and tea is delicious.” Sean looked over to Kronos, “Tea?” “What, you don’t like tea?” Kronos placed his claw upon his face and muttered, “Bozarth...” “I never said I didn’t like tea, but it’s definitely not my beverage of choice.” Sean said with a shrug. “That’s... the best plan I’ve heard all day.” Satin said as he rubbed his claws together. Spike rose his claw as if he was going to say something but Celestia cut him off, “That sounds lovely.” Spike groaned as he trudged to the kitchen to perform the task, grumbling under his breath along the way.
Chapter 3: Satin was MolestedChapter 3: Satin was Molested Molested: past participle, past tense of mo·lest (Verb) Verb: Pester or harass (someone), typically in an aggressive or persistent manner. ~Satin~ I stared at the cup of tea sitting on the table before me. It was the same color, it was hot, but it smelled like flowers... I don’t know if I should trust this. For all I know Pony food and drink could be filled with something like cyanide... I took another sniff just to make sure. It certainly doesn’t smell like it’s going to kill me. I never took this into consideration. I wonder if anything in Equestria is actually edible for humans. The brony dream of coming here ends tragically as we all die within 3 day of dehydration I took a sideways glance at Kronos as he picked up his cup and slowly drank from it. I waited for a moment, watching him and making sure he didn’t start clutching at his throat as he slowly choked to death. I sighed slowly and took a long drink myself. One can hope. He was fine, he put it back down as he continued his ridiculous history lesson on Humans in general, skimming over all the violent stuff. So like, Human history in 3 pages. I did notice he left out a lot of about religion and about our knowledge of their world. I mean, I kinda understand the skipping over religion. That kinda goes with the violence when you get right down to it, but I mean, how long are we going to go without revealing that we know these characters and this world rather intimately. “...and then we invented the internet, and it was all downhill from there...” Kronos stated, his voice dropping to a low monotone at the end. Dex and I both gave him sidelong glances as the ponies sat there completely enthralled by the story. We both simultaneously leaned towards him, “Why would you tell them about the internet?” Dex intoned. “This is going to take hours just for them to understand what the internet is and how it works, which I’m half sure you don’t know yourself.” I added in an accusing tone. “...But it’s true!” Kronos sighed briefly, “Maybe they won’t ask about it?” Celestia quirked a brow, “What’s the ‘internet?’” He merely muttered under his breath, “Oh god dammit!” He looked back up at them with a nervous smile, “A great writer once described it like this, ‘Imagine your greatest dream, and your worst nightmare, and combine them.’ I held my hand to my head for a second before announcing, “Very poetic, but no. It’s a technology designed to share information with anyone on the planet. It ended up turning into a place for showing pictures, videos, and running jokes.” . Kronos chirped in a tad too enthusiastically, “...and don’t forget all of the terabytes upon terabytes of p...” Dex slammed his hand over Kronos’ mouth with a glare, immediately silencing him. “Poetry and other forms literature...” Dex stated simply, slowly removing his hand from Kronos’ mouth. Kronos smacked Bozarth upside the head and glared at him, “My mouth was open... and your hand tastes disgusting...” Our audience seemed to buy that cover up, but I really need to remind myself to punch Kronos upside his head. I’m supposed to be the one that gets us into ridiculous hijinx through not thinking before I speak. I shook my head. “Well, that’s a short, very incomplete retelling of human history and I’m fairly sure at least half of it is on the embellished side.” Kronos merely glared at me, “I can’t lie to them and you know that, if anything in there was wrong it was due to my own lack of knowledge...” He turned to the ponies gathered at the table with us, “Which I do apologize, if any of that information was incorrect.” I involuntarily rolled my eyes, “Any questions?” Twilight raised her hoof, “What’s a terabyte?” Kronos shrugged, “A unit of measurement used for computer data.” Twilight stared at him blankly, “Computer data?” Kronos stopped to think for a moment, “A computer is the device we use to share pictures, music, writing and the like with others by using the internet, which would be the data. Sadly that’s roughly all I know about them, I’ve never been very tech savvy.” I could just feel the headache grow with every word that fell carelessly out of Kronos’ mouth, “Kronos, please stop talking. You’re describing tech they don’t have here with words they don’t know. Every explanation begets another explanation, making this an endless cycle of mostly you talking.” I then turned back to our hosts. “Humans are more technologically inclined and we make machines that make our lives much, much easier. And no, I’d be willing to bet none of us know how these work and can’t replicate them. Sorry.” I said as I finished my tea hoping to get rid of the headache, tasting... I dunno was that a hint of lemon and... it kinda tastes like honeysuckle smells. “I just wanted to answer their questions...” Kronos said, lowering his head sadly. Celestia’s expression turned from a face of curiosity to her normal warm smile, “And I thought he was doing a marvelous job.” Ending that with an encouraging wink. Kronos blushed lightly and smiled, “Thanks, Princess.” Kronos turned to stare at Bozarth, “You’re awfully quiet, you have anything to add?” “Not really, it seems like you’re handling the whole explanation thing pretty well.” Kronos brought his hand to the bridge of his nose and muttered, “Ugh, one’s antisocial and the other’s a complete dick... Confound these ponies, they drive me to tolerate...” I murmured, “The feeling is mutual.” The silence filled the room as our poor explanation on humanity in general finished. I could judge each of the different reactions: Both Celestia and Twilight seemed interested and curious, whereas Trixie on the other hand, seemed to be trying to keep herself entertained by playing with my iPod... MY IPOD??!?!? “TRIXIE! How did you get ahold of my ipod!?!” I asked, more surprised than angry. “The Great and Powerful Trixie simply took it out of your pocket when you were sitting down.” She said in a bored tone as she continued to fiddle with it. I should probably be angry with her, I mean as long as she’s not going through and shuffling all of my music there’s a slim chance she’ll hit a pony song. Much less it being a recognizable track. However, it is a little adorable her trying to making an effort to figure it out. “Here, it works better if you take out the headphones and let the internal speakers do their job.” I reached across and yanked out the white cord, bundling it quickly and jamming it back into my front pocket. She played with it a bit more before an instrumental, classical piece began to play over my iPod’s speakers, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Kronos. “Huh... I didn’t take you for the classical type.” Sean slowly looked over and shook his head, “I wouldn’t have expected a guy like you to be into that genre, but whatever it’s your iPod.” I couldn’t help the immediate look of confusion and disgust appearing on my face, “What’s wrong with classical music?” Kronos rolled his eyes, “Nothing, admittedly, it’s not exactly my cup o’ tea, but there’s no problem with it. I just didn’t think you the type for it.” “I have the most eclectic music collection of anyone that you’ve ever met! Classical to rap, classic rock to death met-” Why would I say that. “...al.” Sean chuckled, “I wouldn’t think that the savior of the silk here was a metal head.” I turned to the ponies who had become oddly quiet, Celestia was enjoying the classical quite intently, eyes closed, a small smile gracing her lips. Twilight was next to Trixie, poking and prodding at my iPod. “Oooh, what’s this one?” She tapped the iPod once more and the speakers burst to life, a more electronic, aged song began to play. [song] This song... 80’s, but what song is this... The song began to build slowly as the I could hear the the lead vocalist begin. Sean smirked knowingly. I let out a brief sigh, “Oh no.” Well... it could have been pony related. Sadly, I will never live this down. EVER. “Humidity’s rising~ The sun is getting low~ According to our sources, the street’s the place to gooooooo~” “Can we skip this song?” I threw out pleadingly. Twilight looked up from the device, “Why? This song sounds pretty interesting.” A small, sad smile appeared on my face, “For my dignity?” Trixie just grinned evilly, “And what dignity would that be?” “For the first tiiime, in his-to-ry, it’s gonna start rainin’ meeeeeenn!~ Kronos placed a forearm over his head and lowered it to the table, he began to shake a bit before he burst out laughing. Celestia’s earlier bliss was quickly shattered, her smile grew just a bit, barely noticeable. My left hand slowly raised to my face as I held my now pounding head as I simply stated, “Oh, no reason... and no dignity.” Sean clapped his hands, “Oh Satin, that’s just perfect.” I slowly reached across the small table and hit the next button, “Let’s never speak about this again.” I could just feel the judging of eyes of ponies and the only thing I could hear was the now dying laugh of that jackass I call a friend, Kronos. Why couldn’t the tea have been cyanide. “If you want, I could play a playlist from mine to save you from further embarrassment. The most I need to worry about are meme songs...” Kronos asked, with a slight grin. “It’s fine, let’s just call that one bad luck and move on.” I responded flatly. “...Where’d my iPod go...?” Kronos’ eyes settled on Trixie and he began to glare at her. “Really Trixie!? Didn’t you just take Satin’s? Why do you need mine?” I turned to Trixie who was glaring at another iPod, while mine had found its way into Twilight’s hooves. Trixie merely grunted, “Trixie was curious to see if they were the same, but this one’s broken! It won’t unlock!” Kronos merely grinned smugly, “Passwords, a beautiful invention... You won’t be able to unlock it, can I have it back...?” Trixie placed the iPod back in front of him with a huff of irritation. He picked it up and returned it to his pocket. “So let’s see how talented she is. Dex you still got yours?” “Nope, I always have my ipod in my hand while I’m listening to it, notice how my hand has never left my hoodie pocket?” He said, pulling out his iPod. Kronos merely chuckled, “Two outta three ain’t bad, huh Trix?” “Well, you know what they say about curiosity, right Trixie?” I added. Oh yes, because sayings about dead cats translate to the pony world, stop using words! Trixie waved it off dismissively as she inspected a black wallet... I quickly checked my back pocket for the comfortable lump. Still there... I looked over to the other guys. Kronos’ palm hit his head with an audible smack, “Bozarth, Satin, check your pockets...” Sean reached in his back pocket, “Well, I guess she did take something from me, my wallet appears to be missing.” He looked over at Trixie, “There is nothing in that wallet that is important to me, that is all that needs to be said.” Kronos deadpanned, “Is pickpocketing her talent...? She seems to be doing it quite well...” Sean cleared his throat, “I’m sure what me and my comrades here are trying to ask is....uh.....I really don’t want to ask myself since, well we....uh wanted to know how the odds are of us staying here?” Million dollar question... Kronos shrugged, “That too.” Versus dime store intelligence... I let out an audible sigh, “I’m with Dexy here.” The room grew silent as my gamble with our fates seemed to be coming to an end. The Golden Goddess visibly rolled the decision around in her head as she daintily sipped her tea. I became a bit more nervous, I was living in the bronydom’s top dream and it may be stripped from me in a moment. Think fast! “How... how about a trade?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~A few hours later, in a room of Canterlot Castle~ “It’s cold....” A shiver ran through my body as I sat atop the simple white bed. I stared intently at my bare legs as I covered... myself with my hands, trying not to make eye contact with pristine white princess in the room. “So, how was it?” Her motherly voice carried over to me. “Quick and with a bit of pain.” Continue staring at floor damnit. “I apologize, it has been so long since I’ve done this...” Her voice tainted with an ounce of sorrow. “In hindsight, you’re very much like Diamond Dogs, a bit small though.” “...I said it was cold.” I let out weakly. “Is there anything else you need me to do?” “No, I’m perfectly satisfied with your performance.” “Can I... Can I put my clothes back on?” My eyes crept up, finally making eye contact for the first time since we started and she was smiling that ever comforting smile. It was reassuring, and yet, I still felt tainted after what she'd just done to me... It was definitely breaching some things I thought forever sacred. One man is NOT meant to be subjected to this kind of thing... “Of course.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Kronos~ It had been a few minutes since Satin had been taken for ‘study’ and the library had fallen into relative silence. Twilight was reading, Trixie was still playing with Satin’s iPod, occasionally finding a rather embarrassing song for Satin to never live down. A song, that I could only name as, 'Gay Bar' was playing through the speakers while Trixie merely laughed at the poor man’s expense. Spike was cleaning up the library and Bozarth was listening to his music in the corner. I hopped to my feet and walked over to Bozarth. I patted his shoulder, “Hey, let’s go explore!” He looked up at me for a moment, “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea...” I gave him a deadpanned stare, “Come on ya scrub, we just got here and you don’t wanna see the town? Whatever, have fun and make sure Trixie doesn’t find any pony shit on Satin’s iPod.” With that I began walking towards the door. Dex put his hand on my shoulder, “No, if we go out there it could cause panic, mainly because we are not from here and as soon as we step outside,” he looked around and whispered, “one of the flower mares or even Pinkie could possibly start a mob.” I rolled my eyes, “We were placed on display without panic setting in, now you stay here if you like, I have exploring to do.” I continued on my way and snuck out of the library, and by snuck out, I mean walked out the front door, shortly followed by Bozarth who decided to grow a pair. Those three were far too distracted to even notice. I stepped out into the fresh air and inhaled deeply. The air’s so much cleaner here, I could get used to this. “I guess you’re right, Kronos, there is somewhere I wanted to check out if I ever got here.” He walked off towards the center of town. “See ya later.” I nodded, “ Later.” I walked around town, learning the layout so I could find my way easily. It was surprisingly peaceful, a lot of the ponies about had seen Trixie’s display and greeted me graciously. Though they all held some level of curiosity, some even with fear. It was disheartening, I’ve never been much to fear, it helps that I was surrounded by adorable ponies. I soon ended up EXACTLY where I wanted to be, just down the path from me was a small cottage at the edge of town, animals scurried about, unaware of the scourge of a man walking towards them. I walked up to the house, This is a horrible idea... it really is. Oooohh, a kitty! I turned to see a posh, overly-groomed white cat, stalking an unsuspecting mouse. I crouched on a knee and called to it, causing the mouse to flee, much to the cat’s chagrin. The cat walked up to me, glaring at my outstretched hand. It smacked my hand, catching its claws into the back of my hand. I grimaced for a moment, but continued smiling, it looked at me curiously before removing its claws, and licking the cut. I took my free hand and began gently rubbing its ears. Ha, I knew Opal wasn’t evil! “See? I’m not that bad.” She began rubbing her cheek into the open palm of my hand. I heard a squeak from behind the cottage door. I turned to see the face of a butter-yellow mare with a pink mane and bright teal eyes peeking out from behind the door frame. “Hello,” I looked down at Opalessence, “Err... Sorry, I’ve always had a soft spot for cats.” The mare slowly walked out from behind the door frame, “I-it’s okay, i-if you don’t mind me asking... what are you?” I stayed crouched, worried my height might intimidate her, “My name’s Kronos, I’m a human. Nice to meet you miss...” She attempted to hide behind her mane, “M-my name’s... Fluttershy...” I nodded briefly, offering a hand to her, “Ahhh... Fluttershy sounds like a beautiful name, it’s nice to meet you Fluttershy.” She blushed slightly as she placed her hoof in my hand nervously, “T-thank you... It’s nice to meet you too, K-kronos.” I shook her hoof and returned my attentions to playing with Opal, “She really is an adorable little cat.” Fluttershy giggled quietly and nodded, “S-she is, I’m watching her for a friend, her name is Opalescence.” I nodded for a moment, “Cute.” I looked up towards Fluttershy, looking at her wings, they seemed so delicate. “So, a pegasus... what’s it like to fly?” She seemed to ponder for a moment before responding, “It’s scary... being up so high, knowing so much could go wrong, but it feels so free as well... It’s hard to describe... I nodded again in understanding, “It’s always been a dream of mine... to fly I mean. Maybe someday I’ll find a way, but for now, I’m stuck on the ground. So, you take care of the animals around here?” She nodded. “So what kinds of animals do you watch?” She smiled happily, “Oh, I watch all kinds of animals, birds, squirrels, bunnies, fish, there are just so many of them!” I chuckled a bit, “Sounds like you really enjoy it.” She continued nodding, “Oh yes, I just love taking care of all of the critters!” “I agree, I’ve always loved animals, ever since I was small.” I commented with a chuckle, “I had a dog back home, my folks’ll take good care of her, but I’m gonna miss her.” “What was she like?” She asked, genuinely curious. “She was young, and she loved everyone.” I sighed as I thought, “She would play and nuzzle up to anyone she met. She was a bit schizophrenic though, almost anything could scare her, especially storms... and my niece...” I shook my head in frustration. No. It was the right decision to stay here. I’ll miss her... but I was never much of an uncle anyways, her father can handle her... I was snapped from my thoughts as I felt a hoof touch my shoulder. “A-are you okay? You looked like you were somewhere else for a moment.” Fluttershy commented, her voice tinged with worry. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking a bit.” I said with a half hearted chuckle. I began pushing thoughts of my family and friends back home out of my head, as I put on a forced smile. I tensed up as I felt a pair of hooves wrap around my chest. I looked down to see Fluttershy hugging me softly. I smiled a bit before she pulled away. “I-I’m so sorry, y-you just looked so...” She began stuttering nervously before I stopped her. “It’s okay. Thanks, I appreciate it.” I chuckled as Opal began rubbing her face against my hand. “You too, Opal.” I may never see them again... but I’d be a fool to give up a chance at my dream. I’m sorry, but I’m here to stay if I have anything to say about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dex~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once Kronos walked through the door a thought ran through my head, Perhaps he’s right, I am in Equestria after all. Why not explore? “I guess you’re right Kronos,” I said walking past him towards the center of town, “See ya later.” after a few steps Kronos said something back, but I was too busy making sure I had the map of Ponyville etched into the back of my mind to hear him. Hmmmm... if I remember correctly from the poorly drawn maps back home Sugar Cube Corner should be this way. I pondered my mental map as I walked through the town, receiving waves from any of the ponies who recognised me from Trixie’s earlier stage show. Of course, those who hadn’t seen it, looked upon me with trepidation and fear... As if I was a completely unwelcome sight. It wasn’t all bad though; some seemed genuinely more curious about me than scared. That was better than nothing I suppose. As I strolled through the town, I admired all the brightly coloured houses and shops; adding them as best as I could to the slowly growing map in my mind. Eventually, I came upon the shop I was looking for: Sugarcube Corner. Feeling satisfied, I smiled, and walked into the establishment. A chime rang out as I triggered the bell above the door, and before the last jingle finished, a voice called out from the back room, “Hello! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” It was a sweet, slightly older female voice. “Just give me a moment, I’ll be out to take your order in just a second!” “I got it, Mrs. Cake!” another more energetic voice yelled from the top of some stairs that were against the back wall. Before I could even walk two feet passed the door a pink blur dashed up to me. “Oooooh, hello I’m Pinkie Pie!” “Um, hi I’m Dex.” I said, with a half-smile trying not to laugh at the silly Pink pony in front me. Pinkie gasped and ran around me lifting my arms and poking at my legs, “What are you?” I chuckled, “Well isn’t that the question of the century, What am I? Well, I’m a human being, a bipedal creature.” “A human? What’s a human? Is it like a pony?” She asked, cocking her head sideways with a large grin spread across her face. I shook my head, “A long story, not enough time to tell it in, but yeah you can say that humans are like ponies.” “Awww, but I love stories especially long ones about a hero saving a princess and fighting a deadly dragon and living happily ever after with a small house on the prairie.” She said this the eternal smile of hers never leaving her face as she spoke. I laughed, “I’m sorry Pinkie, I would tell you the story, but I’m afraid I would run out of time to tell it and end up in more trouble than I already am in.” “Why? Is somepony after you?” she tilted her head adorably “No, no, I’m just new here and wasn’t supposed to leave where I was.” I replied, smirking at her. “Oh, well would you like to meet Gummy?” she asked, completely forgetting her earlier question. “Gummy?” I asked already knowing the outcome. Before I could say another word, Pinkie pulled a small, toothless alligator from thin air and showed it to me, “This is Gummy.” The alligator jumped from her grasp and chomped on her mane. Pinkie giggled at her little alligator friend, “He’s pretty awesome for a pet.” I said, not knowing what to say. Pinkie nodded, “Yes, he’s an amazing pet, he’s a ton of fun when I throw parties.” “Parties? Sounds fun.” I commented knowingly. “Yeah, it is.” Pinkie suddenly gasped, “You’re new here that means, I gotta go.” She disappeared in a pink blur just like she did when she entered the room. Hm, well I better get going, Twilight will be looking for us by now and... “There you are!” A familiar adorkable, somewhat frazzled voice called from behind. “I didn’t do it, don’t shoot.” I said aloud raising my hands in mock guilt. Twilight trotted in front of me, “What?” I chuckled and lowered my arms, “Just a small joke, sorry.” “You should be! If Princess Celestia came back while you were gone she might’ve decided to send you home!” She said, chastising me. “Sorry.” I frowned guiltily. “It’s okay Dex, lets go find Kronos. It shouldn’t be too hard to find him...” Twilight said, calming herself a bit. I nodded, “Probably not, we stick out like a sore thumb.” She quirked a brow at me. “It’s an expression from back home.”
