Of Maids and Mistresses

It was already late afternoon by the time Applejack walked into Ponyville, and most other ponies were either dining or had just finished doing so. The walk back from her camping site had taken Applejack the greater part of the day, but it had been worth it; she had had much to think about, and some time alone always set her mind straight. The path ahead seemed clearer, and she followed it all the way to Twilight’s doorstep.

She took a deep breath, and knocked.

A few moments passed but then the door finally creaked open, revealing Trixie in her maid’s outfit. She had a look of worry in her eyes, and Applejack braced herself, as she was certain that Twilight would have given the other mare orders to keep her from coming in.

“Now, Ah know ya probably don’t like me, but-”

“Applejack!” Trixie interrupted. “Trixie is so glad to see you! Quickly, come in!”

The maid pulled Applejack inside and closed the door behind her before she even had time to react, and the earth pony frowned, dumbfounded. “Did Twi... did Twilight make you do something that you didn’t want to do?” Applejack attempted, at a loss for other reasons Trixie would welcome her with so much worry on her face.

But instead of launching into a sob-story like Applejack expected, Trixie threw her a look of confusion. “Trixie wants to do everything mistress wants Trixie to do,” she said in a “How is that not clear?” tone of voice.

“Then what in the hay-”

“Please help mistress!” Trixie suddenly blurted out. “Mistress looks so lost and confused, and it makes Trixie so... so...” She let out a pitiable cry that wasn’t altogether hard to interpret. “But Trixie doesn’t know what to do... but you’ve known mistress longer than Trixie... You have to help!” Trixie looked at her pleadingly.

“Well, of course Ah’ll help Twi, sugarcube,” Applejack reassured her, “but ya see, Ah’m not sure yer ‘mistress’ will even want mah he-”

But Trixie had already stopped listening, as she dragged Applejack through the room and into the library beyond. As soon as they entered, Applejack wrestled herself free from Trixie’s grasp and rubbed her eyes. The library had changed a lot since the last time she was there: Half of the books had been unshelved, and had seemingly been thrown around the room at random. Some effort had been made to pile them up into neat stacks in front of their respective shelves, but several of the stacks had, for some reason, collapsed already. Applejack quickly found out why, as a book soared past her head and flew straight into a pile to her left, bringing the whole thing down.

Applejack traced back the trajectory of the book, and found Twilight standing up, her front legs upon a lectern as she pulled book after book from the shelves with her magic, only to discard them at random a few minutes later.

The unicorn herself didn’t look much better than the room. Her hair was sticking out wildly in various directions, and even from where she was standing Applejack could see the occasional shiver passing through her friend’s body. She recognised that shiver, as it was the same one she’d felt when she had pushed herself too hard trying to harvest the orchards all by herself that one time.

Trixie let out a groan as she rushed towards one of the biggest piles of books in the room, stacking them neatly in a vague attempt to restore a semblance of order.

“Trixie?” Twilight said without looking up from the tome she was leafing through. “Who was that at the door?”

“Applejack, mistress.”

“Ah yes, Applejack,” Twilight replied, but it was clear that the message had not yet registered in her mind. Then suddenly it did, and she finally looked up towards the door, her mouth falling open upon spotting the orange pony.

“Howdy.”

Twilight turned back towards her lectern, and buried her face in her hooves. “Oh Celestia...” she groaned miserably. “I can’t do this right now... please, not right now... I... I have to look through these books... I can’t...”

“Look,” Applejack began as she stepped closer, making her way through the maze of books on the floor., “Ah didn’t come here to fight, ya hear? Ah just-”

“I bucked up, ok?” Twilight suddenly wailed, as her shoulders started shaking. “I... I bucked up s-so bad... I... I thought I knew... knew w-what I was doing, but... but you were right... I didn’t... d-didn’t know, and now Trixie...” A heartbreaking series of sobs prevented her from going on for a few moments as Applejack silently approached, letting the unicorn empty out her heart for a bit. “And I’m s-sorry... Oh, Applejack, I’m so... so incredibly sorry... about you, about Trixie... about everything...” She lifted her head up from the lectern and rubbed her eyes with a hoof, before pulling a new book towards her, as she continued with a choked voice: “But I have to fix this... there’s no time... so if you want to yell at me... if you want to tell me what an incredible foal I am, go ahead. But please do so quickly, I... I have to set this right.”

“You are a big foal,” Applejack said from behind Twilight, “but not for th’ reasons ya think. Ah did nay come here to argue, Twi. Ah came to say Ah forgive ya.”

Twilight turned around, surprise in her eyes. “You... what? But I... but I yelled at you, said... said horrible things, how can you... ?”

“And that’s why you’re a foal, Twi. Ah did some bleedin’ stupid stuff, too. Didn’t pay attention to your concerns not once, but twice... ran away from all o’ mah friends without sayin’ nothing... but ya’ll forgave me, every time, because we’re friends, ainnit right? And that’s what friends are for.” She gave Twi a stern look. “But only if you shape up and give me a darn proper excuse now, you hear? Excusin’ to ponies you got you back turned to, now Ah ask you...”

Twilight’s lip started to tremble, her eyes filling with tears once more, but this time out of pure gratitude. “Oh Applejack!” she said as she drew the mare in for a hug. “I’m so sorry I didn’t listen... I’m so sorry I yelled and threw you out... Can you... can you forgive me?”

“Of course I can,” the earth pony said as she returned the hug. “Now tell me what in tarnation is goin’ on in here. Ah had a few more things Ah had wanted to say, but it seems the situation’s changed a lick.”

“One moment. Trixie?”

“Yes mistress?” Trixie said as she popped her head out from underneath the mountain of books that had come to cover her when her last attempt at putting the library in order had, quite literally, fallen apart around her.

“If I’m not mistaken, the floor upstairs hasn’t been dusted in quite a while. It has to be awfully filthy in there by now.”

Trixie blushed. “It is, mistress, but the library-”

“-is not important right now. I want an upper floor befitting of my name, can you make that happen?”

“Of course, mistress!” Trixie said as she dug herself out from underneath the books, dashing up the stairs right afterwards.

Applejack frowned. “Why did ya’ll do that for?” she asked. “And why doesn’t she just put the books back on the shelves?”

“Because I told her not to put them back on the shelves--how would I know which ones I already checked?--and I sent her away because what we're about to discuss usually upsets her...”

“Alright. Ah’m listening.”

“Ok,” Twilight said as she took a deep breath.

She told Applejack all about the party the night before, about what had nearly happened, and what she had come to realise since then. Of the books she only said that she was looking for answers, and that so far, she had found none.

The farmpony remained silent for only a few seconds. “Alright. Ah’m not gonna lie, Twi... that’s bad. Like, serious kinds of bad. Ah didn’t say this earlier since ‘twas lookin’ like ya were makin’ progress, but... you need help. Ah mean, the princess-”

“No!” Twilight yelled out immediately. “She cannot find out! She can never find out!”

“But, Twi, she could-”

“When I was younger, I had... I had a pet,” Twilight blurted out. “It was a bunny. Fluffy. Not a fluffy bunny, that was his name, you see... well, he was fluffy, but that’s not what I... Ugh,” Twilight shook her head to dispel the confusion her sudden state of panic had brought upon her. “Anyway, he was my responsibility, but one week, I... I forgot about him because of all my studying and... and he died... Fluffy died.” She swallowed.

“Ah’m very sorry, Twilight,” Applejack said compassionately as she patted Twilight’s back. “But Ah don’t see how-”

“He was mine to take care of, my responsibility! And so when the princess found out, she... she was so... so upset... so disappointed... I... I’ve never been more scared in my life than I was then... Scared she’d send me away... scared I’d lose her...” A shiver went through her body. “And I promised then that, no matter what, I would take care of those I was responsible for... And she gave me another chance. And I almost ruined it! If she finds out what I did to Trixie, if she finds out I messed up again... This isn’t a bunny we’re talking about, this is my marefriend! If she finds out, she’ll never respect me, ever again! She’ll despise me, she’ll banish me into the sun, she’ll-”

“Aw come on, she didn’t even banish Nightmare Moon into the sun! ‘sides, Trixie’s a grown mare, can she really hold ya responsible for-”

“That’s... that’s not how it works,” Twilight said silently. “When I became her mistress I... I became responsible. I still am... And maybe she wouldn’t banish me into the sun, but she’d... it’d never be the same again... I... I want to bring Trixie back to normal... but I don’t want to lose the princess. Not before I try fixing it by myself.”

“But Twilight,” Applejack said cautiously, “what if ya can’t fix it?”

“Then we will tell the princesses,” Twilight said without a second of doubt. ”And anypony else who could help if he or she knows. But not yet... I... I can still fix her. I know I can. She’s safe here for now, so all I need to do is find a way... and it has to be here somewhere. I know it. I have to keep looking...”

So much for “She must never find out!”, Applejack mused.

“Alright, Twi,” Applejack said as Twilight turned back towards the books. “Ah won’t tell anypony unless you say it’s ok... but only as long as Ah believe ya’ll aren’t endangerin’ Trixie again.”

“Of course. I was just about to ask you to stop me if it seemed I was going crazy with power again. It’s a lot of responsibility to hold in your hooves, Applejack... the complete control over another who’s willing, no, begging for the opportunity to follow your every command... Even now, at times, I hear a little voice whispering...”

“Temptation is a part of all of us, Twi,” the earth pony said wisely, “what matters is how you handle it. And Ah have to say... Ya may finally be gettin’ it right.”

“Thanks.” Twilight smiled for the first time since the night before. “But now I have to keep searching, there’s still so much I haven’t read...”

“Hold on,” Applejack said. “Ya might have convinced me not to call the princesses just yet, but that doesn’t mean ya got to do everythin’ by yourself, you know?”

“But, Applejack,” Twilight protested, “I know you mean well, but you... I mean... you couldn’t... even if I let you help read the books, you... What I’m trying to say...”

“Look, Ah know you’re tryin’ to be nice because of before, Twi, but no need to sugarcoat it, either. Ah’m a farmer, Ah never gave a hoot about your fancy book smarts, and ah likely wouldn’t even know I was readin’ about the cure to Trixie’s condition even if I did happen upon it, it’s true. But Ah’m not stupid, and if ya talk to me a bit, mayhap it’ll sharpen your own thoughts. So?”

Twilight looked from the earth pony to the books, and back again. She didn’t want to waste any time, but Applejack... A friend’s help plus books had to be better than just books, right? “Alright,” Twilight finally said, “let’s try it your way.”

“Ah have some ideas...”

“Go ahead.”

“So we can’t ask the princesses, fair ‘nuff, but somepony else? Ah mean, there’s plenty a’ ponies ya can go to if you’re not feelin’ right in the head an stuff, ainnit?”

Twilight shook her head as she started to pace around the library, moving books away from in front of her hooves as she walked, until she had created a little circular path for herself. Applejack just stood in the centre of the room, turning around on her hooves to keep Twilight within her sights. “You’re thinking about psychological counselors--I have a license for that, by the way--they can help you if you’re feeling a bit depressed or anxious, yes, but they’ve never seen something quite like this. The only ponies with some insight into what we’d need would be psychiatrists, but...” Twilight bit her lip.

“But?”

The purple unicorn sighed, as she started to pace a new pattern upon the floor. “Well, you’ve got to understand... psychiatry is young, very, very young... When’s the last time you saw someone--other than Trixie--who had a real mental illness?”

“That one there barking pony from the hospital,” Applejack said after thinking about the question for a moment.

“No... The pegasus movers dropped their entire truck on her head, so now she has brain damage; that’s very, very different...”

“Alright, alright. So then I ain't know nopony else, but Equestria’s a mighty fine place to live, Twi. We ain’t got much sick ponies, much less sick in the head ponies, so what’s me not knowin’ anypony with a mental illness prove?”

“It’s not just about knowing nopony, it’s about never even having heard of any... Some ponies live their entire life without ever even realising such a thing like mental illness exists!” Twilight stopped pacing around for a moment, as she started gesticulating wildly. “And that’s a problem. Oh, it’s great for ponies in general, of course, don’t get me wrong,” she quickly added, “but it also means there aren’t many opportunities to find out more about mental illness. For a normal disease, we usually need to see quite a few ponies with similar symptoms to figure it out... for things that are only inside of a pony’s head it’s even harder... We’d need lots and lots of similar cases to even begin drawing a conclusion...”

“So, how many have we got?” Applejack asked with a frown.

“In Canterlot--the only place where they even study these things in the entire kingdom--five patients, and they are nothing alike. Only a handful of ponies are involved in the field to begin with, and they’ve written three books on the subject... all of which we have here. They were amongst the first I checked, but they’re vague, theoretical... inconclusive. A fun read,” Twilight added, and Applejack was convinced their idea of “fun” probably didn’t match up, “but nothing I’d dare bet Trixie’s health on.” Twilight’s voice sounded distant, tired.

Applejack nodded. “But... surely they could take a look?”

“No!” Twilight said, more fiercely than Applejack had expected. “No,” she repeated more silently, “I’ve been there a few times over the years--what can I say, it’s a fascinating field and being Celestia’s student opens many doors in the world of research and study--and, well... the patients were always in big, open rooms... with nothing they could hurt themselves on... nothing that could be used as a weapon, as they were observed, day after day, by ponies in coats behind thick panes of glass... In all the years I stopped by, I didn’t see even one of the patients show any signs of improvement. Not one.” She stopped, and stared Applejack into her eyes. “I’m not going to bring Trixie there so they can put her behind glass, you hear? Besides, she... she’d be so lost without me... she couldn’t live like that, for years, without her mistress...” Twilight shook her head sadly. “And I couldn’t last those years without her, either...”

“Alright, alright...” Applejack scratched her head underneath her hat. “So, no specialists we can ask... what about our friends?”

“None of them have any experience with it either... we’d just end up having this conversation over and over again... Besides,” Twilight said much more silently, “I don’t even know if Dash got her mind made up yet...”

“If Dash did what?”

“Oh!” Twilight said with a blush. “It’s nothing, I... Just forget it, I uh... it’s nothing... Heh... ehehe... heh...”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Out with it. This ain’t no time for secrets.”

Twilight finally became really flustered, and she fidgeted around nervously. “I may have... ummm... may have pushed Rainbow Dash to admit that she had the hots for mares... a... a little bit...”

“Oh, is that it...” Applejack shrugged. “Ya shouldn’t worry, Ah’m sure she was a teensy bit upset with you when you told her you thought she was a fillyfooler, but she gets it so often, you know... there’s no way she’d stay mad at you for...”

“Oh, oh no... I’m... I’m not worried she’s mad at me, although she could be, I don’t know... it’s just... I didn’t tell her... I just... I... no, actually it was she who... and Trixie, of course, but...”

“Come on, Twi, spit it out! Ah can’t make out a thing you’re saying...”

“We, uh, we had sex,” Twilight said quickly, before her courage would leave her again. “I thought that, you know, if we had sex and she liked it, she’d be... um... forced to admit she liked mares, and then she’d... not mind me and Trixie anymore, you see?” she said with an increasingly small voice.

“You... Ah...” Applejack stammered. “But... isn’t that... cheatin’?”

“Oh, oh no... Trixie was there... she was, with Dash, and then Dash with me, you... you see?” Twilight felt her cheeks burn with the power of the sun, torn as she was by embarrassment and a slight hint of excitement, as the scene played through her mind again. “S-stupid idea, I know...”

Applejack remained silent for a moment, and Twilight detected a small hint of disappointment (or was it anger?) in her voice as she spoke. “Twi, how could ya...”

“Look, it seemed like a good idea at the ti-”

“No, Ah mean... How could ya invite Rainbow Dash to have sex with ya... and then invite me for a round of arguing? Ah thought you liked us both equally!”

Twilight’s mouth fell open, but she quickly recovered. “What? That’s what you’re on about? You... I... No! I’m not getting swept into this. I know you and Dash have been making almost everything you can into a competition ever since that Iron Pony thing... But we’re not going to have you grumble about not being invited to turn it into a ‘Who can grab Twilight and Trixie’s sexual attention best?’ competition, alright?” She pointed a hoof at the ceiling above her. “We have more pressing concerns right now.”

Applejack grumbled for a few moments, during which Twilight quickly took another book from a nearby shelf, before depositing it into a pile next to her.

“O, Ah got it!” Applejack suddenly exclaimed. “Can’t you just order Trixie to go back to a more stable role?”

“No... I can’t make her do things she has no control over, and the role shifts are completely subconscious...”

“Then what about telling her to stop being your maid?”

“Heavens, no!” Twilight said in shock. “I tried getting her to stop feeding me this morning, and she almost burst into tears. In her current role, she believes her only purpose in life is to be my maid, take that away from her...”

“Ah think Ah see your point...” Applejack picked up a book from the ground for a moment, read the title, then threw it over her shoulder with a confused look. “So, take off her outfit? Slowly make her think for herself again? Give ‘er some free time to use?”

“The outfit is, to her, the proof that she’s officially my maid. Taking it from her is the exact same as telling her she’s not my maid anymore...” Twilight paused to think for a moment. “Right now the other two wouldn’t work... Maybe, slowly, we could make progress and she’d get more independent after a while... but it doesn’t solve anything.”

“Whatcha mean? If she isn’t so subservient anymore, then surely...”

Twilight shook her head. “Look... Consider Trixie’s Cutie Mark. What is it all about?”

Applejack thought about that for a moment. “Being a showmare, Ah guess. Performing.”

“Yes,” the purple unicorn nodded, “which means we have to get her back on stage eventually. Could you imagine not using the special talent you were destined for? It would be-”

“Like losin’ a part of who you are...” Applejack continued with a shudder.

“Exactly. So, if we slowly make Trixie more independent, that’ll work, but she’ll still be playing a role... she’ll still have a broken mind... So then if we put her up on stage to perform, chances are-”

“She’d go back to being her stage persona: arrogant, boastful, not carin’ about anypony else but you...”

Twilight nodded once more. “Indeed. So then we’d need to try to tone her down again. And if we overshoot even a teensy bit, we go straight back to Trixie the Maid, and we could keep doing this over and over again for years, pinballing Trixie’s mind around until we finally mess up and she... snaps.” Twilight sighed, and hung her head. “I’ve bucked up so badly...”

“It’s quite a pickle we’re in, Ah’ll give you that,” Applejack agreed. She looked out of the window. “Ah doubt ya’ll be able to get to the bottom o’ this in one go, Twi. Why don’t you get some rest? You look like you need it. Ah can go back home, an’ tomorrow we can-”

“Wait!” Twilight said, an idea lighting up in her eyes. “That’s it! You’re a genius, Applejack! How did I not...” She began rooting around in the piles of books frantically. “Buck, where did I put it? I saw it here somewhere, and the other one as well, I think it was over there, but...”

“Uh, what did Ah say?” Applejack asked in confusion, but Twilight wasn’t listening anymore.

The purple unicorn started digging through the books in a blur, and Applejack had to dodge a flying tome more than once.

“I did as you asked, miss... tress...” Trixie said as she came down the stairs, staring at the chaos in front of her with her mouth wide open.

“Hey Trixie, why don’t you, uh... serve me some snacks in the kitchen? Yeah, that’d be neat,” Applejack said, trying to get both of them out of the fray, as Twilight was obviously not intent upon stopping anytime soon.

“But... mistress didn’t say...”

“Shouldn’t a good maid look after her mistress’s guests when she’s a mite busy herself?”

Trixie had to admit the earth pony had a point so she, with a breath of relief, quickly lead AJ through the danger zone towards the kitchen. They slipped inside and closed the door behind themselves just in time, as that very door got hit with a loud “Thud!” merely a second later.

“I... is mistress going to be...”

“Ah think so,” Applejack quickly said. “She didn’t sound like somepony who’s lost it, she’s just bein’ a tad... overenthusiamastic.”

After that, they said nothing, as they both had their own concerns: Trixie worried about her mistress’s recent “strange” behaviour, while Applejack feared Twilight was being a bit too optimistic with her “sudden revelation”; she’d fall into an even deeper hole than before when she finally came down from it.

An hour passed, and Applejack quietly munched the food Trixie had prepared for her--the mare could cook, she had to give her that--when suddenly the door swung open. Twilight stepped in triumphantly, levitating not one, not two, but three books above her head. Her step was uneven, and Applejack assumed the worries of the day and the constant use of magic had thoroughly exhausted her.

“I got it! Ahaha... it was... right there all along... it’s so simple, yet... I mean, she even told me... Trixie, now we can... finally...”

Twilight stumbled, and she lost her grip on the books. All three of them fell to the ground, but one of them first stopped to hit Twilight on the top of her head in passing. Normally it’d have looked comical, but in these circumstances Trixie and Applejack rushed to the the purple unicorn’s side right away, as she lay still and unmoving.

Her chest slowly rose and fell, however, and AJ quickly reassured Trixie: Her mistress wasn’t unconscious, but merely deep asleep. The hardships of the day had finally taken their toll.

“Why don’t you bring her up to bed?” Applejack suggested, and Trixie quickly nodded, wrapping Twilight in a web of magic gently as she carried her off up the stairs.

Applejack gathered up the three books Twilight had dropped, and frowned upon reading the titles; she couldn’t make sense of it at all.

She didn’t believe anypony could solve Trixie’s problem using just Ritual Magic: For the Unicorn with the Time to Cast; Omnus Grey’s Travels of Equestria and a Historical Atlas of Equestria, but she put them aside anyway.

Because, hey, she mused, what could it hurt to try?