Hooves and Blood

by Nugget

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Royal Guard, Slice of Life
Length: 1355

An angry Royal Guard writes an opinion column over the resent attack on Canterlot.

Based on the episodes "A Canterlot Wedding Part I and II"

A week has passed since the tragic attack on Canterlot by the forces of Queen Chrysalis. The city's newspaper, The Canterlot Herald, receives an opinion piece from an unknown Royal Guard, voicing his opinion over the public's thoughts about how they failed to protect them. Enraged by that concern, the unknown Guard member vents his frustrations unfiltered.

Mature for language.

Based on the song "Boots and Blood" by Five Finger Death Punch

Published 2017-07-03 13:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-03 13:30:07 UTC

Hooves and Blood

The Unedited Version

“Hooves and Blood”

Fuck all of this.

Fuck those ponies who seem to think that we, members of the most elite team of guardsmen, are the most incompetent, worthless service members since the bloody changeling invasion of Canterlot. Fuck them, and they can take their opinion and shove it up their ass! Why? While they panicked and ran in fear, praying that their rulers would save them, we placed our lives into our own hooves and took the damn fight to the opposition that threatened to completely enslave our own citizens and tear down the concrete foundations of our glorious kingdom.

Sure, the surprise attack made us easy targets for capture, but that doesn’t mean we lost the battle and surrendered. Oh Celestia no! We are the Royal Fucking Guard! Instead, it pumped enraged fuel into our wills, making us want to bash those love-stinking rodents into nothing more than worthless dust. We don’t just give up and accept defeat, that’s what cowards and weak-minded folks do. Instead, we live, breathe, and die by two of the strongest words we know in our line of duty; The Code.

I, and every Guard, Wonderbolt, and other military members, I know, have sworn to never fall to the enemies of our kingdom in peace or wartime. It’s our duty and commitment to protect the crowns and their citizens to the point where our lives can be taken so we can further others. The Code of Conduct outlines that in a perfect blend between our own dying commitment and loyal servitude.

Created by the Great Princess Celestia herself, The Code serves as the greatest piece of moral rules to our own stallion and mares placed under conditions that render them as prisoners of war (POWs). However, it also extends into war fighting in general and how we service ponies will conduct ourselves under fire or whenever we must provide resistance. They are our way of life, and can never be broken under any circumstances whatsoever. There is no excuse to go against The Code, everybody must uphold it. Otherwise, may Princess Celestia have mercy on them.

Article I

I am an Equestrian Warrior, fighting in the forces which guard the crowns, my kingdom, and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense.

Article II

I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist

Article III

If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy.

These first three articles are our life and blood, pumping heavily through our iron veins and giving us the spirit of the true Equestrian Warrior. I fight for those who have the privilege to live their lives without facing fear within its eyes since I am the bastard that slits its throat with a sharp knife before willingly kicking it to the curb. It belongs there, along with all the low lives, thieves, and assholes who bring nothing but terror and hate into our land of love and acceptance. And yes, I am prepared to die if it means that Equestria will continue to prosper.

Besides, I would rather do that than surrender.

Let me clear up one of the greatest misconceptions about our forces right here and right now. It’s fucking simple; You will never hear any member of the Equestrian Military give up and admit their own defeat. We will always hold our heads high and resist, never backing down from showing our enemy the fearsome strength of our kingdom. We are a proud country of ponies with everlasting loyalty to its crown, citizens, and values. Therefore, that is what gives us the power to resist and help ourselves when doing so.

Article IV

If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way.

Article V

When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies or harmful to their cause.

Article VI

I will never forget that I am an Equestrian, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in Celestia and in the United Kingdoms of Equestria.

NEVER. LEAVE. A. PONY. BEHIND.

Five simple words. Five very damn simple words that every member of the Guard knows and don’t just only obey, but etch into the foundations of their morals. No pony shall ever be left to die alone, it's a fate worth than the death itself. No pony shall ever be stranded, since that (in our minds) would lead to their deaths. No pony shall ever be faithless to their fellow Guards; thus, it leaves them to be stranded and alone. Therefore, their deaths.

Speaking of faith, I will never be disloyal to my fellow members of the service, the country, and The Crown. I think I have already spoke enough about this aspect, yet it doesn’t seem to clearly register into the minds of the citizens. Fuck’em. Fuck them all if they think for one second we will turn our backs to them since we see this thought as them turning their backs on us. We fight for them willingly because that is how much we fellow ponies love them. Otherwise, some of us wouldn’t be doing these jobs in the first place.

We serve our kingdom with dignity and honor, which enriches our valor and loyalty. It’s the first thing that is engraved into us from the moment we volunteered to become members of the ‘world’s greatest defense force.’ We swear by The Oath and The Code to defend this kingdom from those seeking to destroy it along with our lives and fellow Guards. With this type of commitment, I personally know this great kingdom will never fall because of those willing to not make it happen.

We are willing to give everything "So Others May Live."

If somepony was to tell me otherwise, then I have only these words for them, “Fuck you and have a nice day.”

Forward: From the Chief Editor

From the Desk of the Chief Editor of The Canterlot Herald

Approximately one week after the attack on Canterlot, by the forces of Queen Chrysalis and her Changelings, public opinion on the safety and protection of the Kingdom of Equestria sank as the commoners heavily criticized the Princesses over the failures to guard and keep Canterlot safe. Amidst the turmoil, The Canterlot Herald received plenty of opinion pieces that bashed The Crown Administration for their lack of effort, thought, and considerations if such an attack was to occur (to which it did).

However, not a single letter addressed the issue from the perspective of The Crown Administration until a letter came in from a Royal Guard who wishes to remain anonymous. After reading through what he wrote about the issue itself, we staff members at The Herald decided it would be fair to publish it (after editing out and changing the profanity) for the public to understand and gain a perspective from The Royal Guard's side of the current problem. But, to keep within the spirit of freedom to speak your mind without censorship, we members of the Canterlot Herald aren’t afraid to distribute the unedited version. To do otherwise would be to claim that those words and prejudices never existed in the first place.