One couldn't begin to describe the feeling I had, this....bleak, voidless existence, I....was dead, but my mind, coiled among the icy fingers of life, I couldn't breathe, at least I couldn't tell if I was. Am I asleep? I couldn't be paralyzed....and yet my world soon trickled life into my being, starting with my touch. Everything was on fire. My body, my Blacklight, every atom of my being was burning, then healed, then burned again. Either Sunbutt finally decided to off me or the world wants to be rid of me, I am a parasite after all.

"You are by far the worst creature to have been spawned by humankind." Since when did my thoughts agree with me? And were female? Oh wait, my eyes are still closed, let's fixed that

Lifting a finger to my eyelids I sliced the index finger across my sealed eyelids, and my vision cleared again, the Blacklight reconfiguring my working eyelids to act as they should again. I was alive again, this was the third time I've died, once of natural means the other two by Ruin. I was sitting in the same bed as the time I wasted in this castle, huh, I actually remembered that despite how irrelevant it was.

"So, you are alive." Oh right, someone was talking to...me? It was that bitch again...uhh, fuck what was her name? She was with Loki last time, gave me annoying fire powers too and yet I can't use fire without messing myself up even more than I have

"I am, that much is clear." A dry stare to a dry response. "...Hello?"

"..." No response, only that creepy stare, no pupils made it more creepy to look at. "How many times have you done this?"

"What, said 'hello', a lot more times than I actually remember." Still, nothing, not even an irritated sigh, what was she that emotionless? Wait, why would I care, I have no emotions?

"Since you seem the be the only person here, mind answering me the question of how I was nearly shafted?" My question was important, not why she was here

"You were struck by an unstable spell, infusing ether and dark matter into a condensed form, if shot through the soul of any living being it would fracture their soul, leaving them to fall apart mentally, before they are merely a mindless thrall." Well, that's dark, but shit that was close, I actually felt my body die from that too. "You are lucky to be alive."

I am alive? No I'm not, I mean I am but not with Blacklight running through me. But does that mean I'm dead? I'm a virus so...okay, deep questions that's not natural in the slightest.

"You feel that? Your own soul is starting to contradict itself. You doubt things you don't usually do, you remember things that meant nothing yet something at the same time." Serafin! That was her name, I also had no clue what she was going on about. "What I was asking is how many times you've put your life through torment, accomplishing only selfish ideals and chaos with every end game. To simply put, how many times have you been worse than Ruin?"

"...If that's supposed to make me feel guilty, then you're wasting your time." Have I actually killed more in Equestria than Ruin? Maybe, I did erase a kingdom before - Ok, stop doing that, it's distracting. "Okay...Serafin, why am I constantly contradicting my own thoughts?"

"Your soul is splitting." That sounds...bad. "You have gained power equal to Gods, but that 'Blacklight', it is only a thing that wishes to perfect and consume, you are a being of reason, choice, knowledge, you have free will, it does not understand that concept, so it is trying to remove it."

Moving to sit against the board of the bed I stared directing back at this Goddess with a slightly increased amount of interest in what my own body was doing to itself.

"Wait, so the Blacklight wants to remove...me?" Does that make any sense? Probably? Maybe? No? Ugh, this is getting annoying! "And you're here to tell me this and not Loki why...?"

"Loki...he has no time to waste on an idea gone wrong." Serafin had done what I think many have failed to do, they made me feel something gloomy...hopeless, so that's what 'weight on your shoulders' means. "He said that if you could not realize your own mistakes then there's no point in trying so hard to make it right."

"So, he left me to my own devices?" How was that - she was about to shoot me down again

"You have only one option." Dramatic pause much? "You need to rid yourself of Blacklight."

...

...

Oh.

"That's..." Get rid of Blacklight. Why would I do that? I should do that? No, getting rid of immortality is stupid. So is dying again. No - Okay, this was frustrating! "..."

Serafin merely stood up again, sighing as her arms laid crossed tightly to her chest, but she didn't look angry, frustrated, I swore she gave me a look not many would give me nor would I care in return, if I could care in a mindless form of Blacklight, the same power I've used to grow stronger than most would consider overpowered, that same, single wish I asked for from Loki. This power was far too real and it was going to consume me. Serafin stood above me, and slowly, her hand rested on my shoulder, I did feel the Blacklight attempt to take her DNA, replicate and evolve, but nothing occurred, only the black tendrils smoldering at the soft grasp on my shoulder.

"Loki left you with one chance, you can either let this go or, you can be left alone, forever." Simply put, I had no retort or remark. She was right, and I was wrong. "You can choose you to exchange the Blacklight for a lesser power, but that's up to you."

To my curious stare, she procured a white mask from her belt, holding it out to me in full view. A white mask with crimson lines painted across the left side, sharp teeth too. I see a Hollow Mask. Grabbing it I felt the cold surface of it as I flipped it around. With a final look to this Goddess, she merely kept a neutral expression towards me.

"I suggest you take a moment to decide, but whatever you chose it could be the last choice you make or the first step in the right direction." With that, I saw her body begin to turn to nothingness, but I did have something to say, might be the first time I have a question

"Why did you help me? You have no obligation to do so." I wouldn't piss on myself if I was on fire. Would I? No. Yes. Shut up thoughts!

"You bare the mark of my own paladins under Loki's request, therefore I will always make time to guide my followers, even if they are lost to my order." Then she gave me a small smile. "Even if they are a pain to handle."

"Up yours too." With that, she was gone, and I was left with contradicting thoughts and not much time to handle that Changeling Queen, whatever her name was, I don't remember, do I? Ugh...this is a migraine. "Okay, Queen...Mephiles, fuck it, Mephiles, time to throw strategy out the window."

I had two options, one of which was logical and the other stupid. I was on the clock with my own mind slowly turning into a mass of inconsistent thoughts and feelings. And I'm alone in this, no-one to blame but myself if shit hit the fan. Ruin is also a factor. I also survived dying by an ether-infused arrow and I'm about to go fight a Queen straight after, Swift is going to kill me, bring me back and kill me again.

I fucking hate weddings.

Author's Note

Oh look, an update made in record time, given how much I write including Lucaridis, this should keep consistent for a while. Chapters will be short, but not pointless. Hope this was interesting to read.

Slendy

Is Chris a xenophile, maybe?