Eli woke up like he usually does, with a heavy hangover, and on the floor, "Never again." He slowly sat up and chuckled, "Ya right." He stood up and wobbled a bit.

He walked out of his room to see a guard standing right in front, "Not this shit again, I'm to hungover."

"This isn't anything to do with fighting, I was told to inform you Spitfire went back to Cloudsdale and Rue went off with her people to the crystal mines. And miss Rarity sent over the clothes Celestia ordered."

"Oh, thanks.... Wait she got me clothes?"

"She did."

"Lousy Christmas gift. But great right now."

The guard asked, "Christmas?"

"Sorry, human hearts warming eve."

"Ah, hehe, that's funny." Eli walked away with the guard still snickering.

"It wasn't that funny dude." Eli took a quick shower and promptly threw up in the toilet, I'll spare you all with the details. He put on a solid gray short sleeve shirt and more camo pants.

He was quite pleased with the outfit, but when he got back to his room to pick up his stuff, there was a letter on the bed with a yellow feather. He picked it up and read it.

"Dear Eli, I meant to ask you last night, but you were to drunk. But I would like to ask you out for dinner tonight. Just the two of us. Around seven, if you'd rather not I'd understand, but I hope you come.

Spitfire." He just stared at the paper, unsure what to do, say, or really anything.

"I-I." Was all he could say.

After a minute to process the invite, he folded the paper up and placed it in his pocket, he was about to leave until he saw the feather, "Why the feather?" He picked up the feather and carefully put in into his backpack, he had questions that needed answers.

He got to the dining room, he knocked on the door and it opened, it was Celestia eating an adorable looking stack on pancakes. Eli just stared at those pancakes with pure amazement, until.

"What do you need Eli?" He snapped out of it and walked to Celestia and took a seat next to her.

"Something happened, something I need some help with."

"What happened Eli?"

"Well, Spitfire left me a note basically asking me out tonight, and the part I'm confused about is why she left a feather? Was it just to say it was her, or something else?"

Celestia cleared her throat, "It's how pegasi court other ponies, it's just saying she really wants you to agree. If not I think it'll hurt her. But are you wanting a relationship?"

"Well, I never had one before, for a couple months I helped a bitch with her carrying my son, but that was it. So, I guess I wouldn't mind someone to be with, I am kinda lonely."

"Then go for it, but you can't wear that."

"Well, how about a suit? But I don't know who to talk to about a suit for someone like myself. Do you know anyone?"

"Well, I think Rarity's at her boutique, and I know she'd take a job from a human. And just so you can get the suit today, I'll order it, you just need to be there."

"Alright, I can do that, thank you so much, I'll pay for it, I just wanna look good, and I even have a picture of me in a suit for job interviews, so I can show her the general style."

"Excellent, now off you go, it's not gonna make itself." Eli quickly got out and to the boutique.

He was speed walking all the way, it only took about fifteen minutes, but he made it. He entered the boutique, he was greeted by Sassy Saddles, she stared at him for a minute, adjusting to him.

"Um, welcome to the Canterlot boutique, I can assume you're Eli, for a rush from the princess herself?"

"Correct."

"Well, right this way please." Sassy led him to the back, Rarity was there waiting, once she saw him she asked.

"So this's what a human looks like? I'm impressed. Where's my manners, I'm Rarity."

"Apologies as well, I'm Elius Korben, or just Eli."

"Thank you Sassy, I'll take care of him from here." She nodded and walked out, "Now, I need to see you're body, take off the cloths until the underwear, which I assume you have on?"

"Well, alright, I'm looking for a nice suit, I have a couple pictures of me in a suit back on Earth when I applied for jobs."

"Excellent, that'll help immensely." Eli slipped out of his backpack and he took off all of his clothes except for his white underwear. He grabbed a small box and looked around for a couple pictures, once he found them he handed them to Rarity. "Thanks darling... I see... I know what to do. just let me get some measurements and I'll get started."

"Alright." He stood on a small table like thing and let her measure him.

"I couldn't help, but I saw a picture with you and a child, mind telling me about him?"

"Aw fuck, of course I gave you one of his pics. Well I know you'll just keep asking me, so. He's my son."

She looked at him with pretty wide eyes. "Wow, okay, so where's his mother?"

"Dead, and good thing to, she was just a bitch I banged in high school because she had the finest body I've ever seen. Our protection broke and later she had Theo, the kid. We sued the company and got quite a wad of cash, she used it on her, I got a house, car, and an education.

Everything was perfect."

"It sounds lovely, so I take it he's out there?" He closed his eyes and balled up his fists, she saw his face, "Oh my, I-I'm so sorry."

"Thanks, now do you have the measurements?"

"Yes I do, just give me a couple hours to work on it, and I'm truly sorry for bringing that up."

Eli nodded and got his clothes back on, he was about to leave when he said, "Don't worry, no hard feelings, it was just a question." He walked out with her feeling a bit better.

Suddenly a scroll popped in front of Eli, "Oh great, what now?" He unrolled it and it read.

"Dear Eli, another portal opened up near Manehattan, and the creatures you described as zombies started to come though, there's like fifty of them, maybe more, I need you to kill them before they get to that city. I'm trying to hold them off, but my shield won't last long. I'm sending a chariot.

From your boss."

"Now she's just my boss? Damn, well, I got some time to kill, why the fuck not?" He was about to run to the castle, but Luna teleported in front of Eli, making him jump.

"Sorry Eli, but this needs to be done now, no time for a chariot, get that armor on and let's go!" Eli nodded and quickly slipped on the armor, he was still in the boutique with Sassy Saddles just watching the whole thing.

"Alright, ready princess, let's kick some rotting ass." Luna enveloped them in a blue aura and poof, they were gone.

At the large field in front of Manehattan borders, there were several tents with guards ready to fight, and Celestia at the end trying to close the portal, but she was too far, and too many zombies.

Eli popped in next to her, Luna ran and started to blast zombies with her magic. "Let me at em, I'm ready." Said Eli, she looked at him and his eyes showed something... Crazy, like he went psycho.

"Very well, go, I'll follow and try to close the portal when I can."

Eli jumped off the small ledge and got right next to the shield, he yelled, "Witness me princess! Witness!" He threw a punch at the closest zombie, the punch went right to it's face, it basically evaporated from the force of the punch, he just started punching every zombie he could.

There were about fifty of them, "Grenade!" Eli shouted throwing one, it blew up a nice circle, he jumped right in and grabbed his Uzi, he sprayed around in a circle killing about twenty or so.

When it ran out of ammo he dropped it and just went over to the largest group of zombies and punched each one, their flesh was rotting so it was like punching through paper, Eli was wrecking them, it was a brutal slaughter, "Is that all ya got fuckers!"

He heard a loud roar and looked out, there was a giant zombie, about twelve foot with huge arms, "Oh shit charger! Luna shoot that bitch!"

She did so, but it barely burned the huge hulk, Eli smashed through the line of zombies and jumped on the charger's chest, he climbed up thanks to the sharp objects on his fists, the charger tried to swing him off, but it was futile.

Eli got to his head and just punched it right in it's blind eye. It screamed out as it fell, Eli jumped off and rolled, he jumped back on his feet to see the charger fall dead.

"Boom bitch!" He shouted, he heard Celestia shout.

"I got the portal, get the rest!"

"Yes ma'am! This one's for my mother!" He punched a zombie in the face, "For my father!" He punched another one in the face, "This one's for Theo!" Ya you get the idea.

He was down to the last one, it was a crawler, it was slowly crawling towards Eli, he just watched as this pathetic excuse for a zombie tries to get Eli, "Wait, I have an idea." The princesses were a bit confused, but Eli ran back to the small camp.

He came back moments later with a small rod, and a spear, they were very confused.

But Eli stopped the zombie by standing on it's back, he took the spear and shoved up what was left of the torso, it didn't come out, nor was the zombie dead, he took the smaller rod and shoved part of it into the crawler's right arm

He stood the spear up and just watched it slowly pierce the brain, it's head fell limp, Eli stopped the body and got behind it.

He grabbed the zombie's lower jaw, and the small rod.

He turned the zombie towards the princesses and move the zombie's mouth to his, "Hello, I'm mister Zombie Bastard, I love to crawl around and try to eat things, oh what a life it is, isn't it the great and oh so glorious Eli the zombie exterminator?

"Well stop now, I'm gonna blush, but you're being modest at best, how about talking with the princesses.

"Oh right, hello."

Celestia asked. "What's wrong with you?"

"What isn't. But this, this's just a little fun, I mean come o, tell me this isn't funny." He made the zombie reply, "Of course it is, you're the funniest human here. And I'm just a dumb crawler.

Wait! Celestia do you have a camera?"

"Why?"

"So I can show Rue this, she'd love it, she loves stuff like this." Celestia rolled her eyes and teleported a camera in, she stood it right in front of Eli, he posed with the zombie and Celestia took the picture.

"I must ask, do I look fat in that picture?"

"Um, no, you still look... Well starved."

Luna asked, "So, do you have any bookings with that zombie body? Because I think it's hilarious!" She fell down laughing.

"Sister, it wasn't that funny, it's literally a corpse!"

Eli said, "Calm down Celestia." He made the zombie say, "I'm no body. He made me into somebody." Celestia gave the most deadpan face, "Why the long face Celestia?" Said the body.

Luna was on the ground trying not to wet herself, while Celestia said, "That's it, enough bad jokes." Her horn glowed and a red beam shot out of her horn. It hit the body evaporating it.

"What was that about?"

"Sorry, I was aiming for you. But like I asked, what's wrong with you?"

"Celestia, I lost everything back on Earth, and with that, a part of my mind went with it, now I don't care if say a dummy is made out of wood, or a zombie. I don't care, I want to, but that part died long ago."

Luna stopped laughing and stood up, dusting herself off, Celestia said, "Well, alright, but no more long face jokes, we hear way to many of those." She walked off, Luna got a bit closer to Eli and said.

"I don't know what kind of stick she has up her tail hole, but that was funny, oh and you need a shower before your date."

"Oh shit, I forgot! How long has it been?"

"Long enough, maybe half an hour."

"Good, enough time for a shower and to get my clothes, I need to be at the house by seven, and with a ride I should be there at about six thirty, plenty of time to change."

"Well, I'll teleport you back to Canterlot, but next time we see each other, bring that sense of comedy with you, I love dark humor." Her horn glowed and Eli was teleported to Canterlot, but more specifically right in front of the royal guard shower room.

He sighed when he heard water running, but he needed to take a shower, so he stripped down to nothing and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He entered the shower room to see three guards, all male, they were showering, luckily the shower head was in the ceiling so Eli didn't have to duck.

He took off the towel and set it to the side, he turned on the water and started to wash up. Eli poured some soap on his hand and he quickly washed his hair.

Then he washed his body and just savored the hot water washing away to zombie guts and the stress.

Eli finished up and dried off with his towel, he walked out and put on some clean clothes, more camo pants and a maroon short sleeve shirt.

"I love these shirts, I don't know why, but I do." He stepped out and headed to the boutique.

He looked at the time and found out he's fifteen minutes off schedule, so he hoofed it, pun intended.

When he reached the boutique he entered, Sassy Saddles was handling a couple customers, so Eli just walked to the back to pick up his suit.

He opened the door to see Rarity working, she had her glasses on, he knocked lightly. She looked over to him and said, "Oh good, you're here, I was worried you wouldn't be here today."

"Why?"

"Because of the Manehattan event."

"How'd you hear?"

"I know ponies, and might I say that puppet thing was just wrong."

He blushed, "I guess it was, but hey I'm dark, I'm great with dark humor, Luna was on the ground and she almost wet herself."

She giggled, "I don't doubt it, now your suit is over there, hope you don't mind, I didn't have anything long enough to hold it so I used a black trash bag."

He took it off the hanger, "I'm just glad to have a suit, I don't need the cover to be super nice, also what'd I owe you?"

"Nothing, Celestia covered it."

"Wow, okay thanks, have a good day."

"You too." Eli stepped out and walked to the exhibit room, he waved to Sassy Saddles before he headed out, she waved back with a warming smile.

He exited the shop and saw that there was a chariot ready to take him to Cloudsdale.

"Nice to see you again sir." Said one of the guards, he had a blue mane, and a brown body.

"Wow, I guess you two are my drivers. Neat."

"Quite." Eli stepped in and sat down, the guards took off in a flash.

Author's Note

I read it and figured I could make this two short chapters, the one I had was just a bit too long. So it'll be coming out sooner than the others, maybe tomorrow, depends on my schedule.