Author's Note

This first chapter is a complete rework of a story I had begun writing before it. This is far closer to my original vision, much truer to the ideas I'm trying to convey. I hope it finds you well. I will be posting the companion story to this soon.

To The Blade

Starlight Glimmer chewed her upper lip. She was nervous, but for what? Twilight was her friend, Ponyville her home. There was nothing to be afraid of anymore. She didn’t control through power, rule through fear. No longer was she the tyrannical oppressor of innocents. Still a part of her felt out of place, a chunk of her heart that refused to beat its’ drum to the tempo of the present.

She was relaxing outdoors when this inexplicable wave of paranoia gripped her. It happened every now and then, a product of the life she lived before this point but it was happening with such a degree of frequency now that it stunned her, forcing her to sit entire days on the sidelines while she grappled with her demons.

That was why she called Twilight out today. She needed to talk to somepony and Twilight had a knack for being that perfect somepony. The Princess of Friendship had proven herself to be a shining beacon in Starlights life, time and time again. Even the arrival of Sunset Shimmer did not change that. If anything, it cemented Starlights worth in her own mind. There were many ponies like her, driven mad with power, and those that Twilight encountered had that madness dissolved and their ponyhood restored through the healing touch of magic.

But even the memory of that soothing feeling couldn’t smother the fire that was enveloping her mind. It threatened now to consume her thoughts entirely, so she let it. It was a trick that Celestia had taught her, actually. She remembered that conversation clearly.

“Princess, I’m scared sometimes. I get thoughts that are… Unbefitting of a friend of Twilights’. Sometimes my old self comes back to haunt me. What should I do? I never, ever want to go back there.”

“Sometimes, Starlight, the best thing you can do is fully accept those thoughts. Do not act on them and do not give them any legitimacy, but do not deny their presence in your mind. Even I am consumed by my demons on some days. To deny them would be to deny who I am, to deny how far I’ve come on my own journey, and that only builds their position in your mind. You must acknowledge your darkest parts if you are to ever see the light inside you.”

So she let the feelings she felt now wash over her. She felt guilty, like she had blood on her hooves. Had ponies died under her reign? She could not remember. It felt like it was so long ago, hidden behind the thick fog of traumatic memory. How funny that she should hide her own abuse behind a mental door. She dared herself to sink back into those days, to relive the violence she had perpetrated, but she could not.

Still, this guilt felt stronger than anything she had ever experienced. Even while alone, after Twilight and the Elements chased her out of town, she did not feel this wholly terrible. She was very remorseful during those days but this was different. It was as if she had snuffed out the sun itself, as if Equestria was singularly doomed by her own doing.

That wasn’t right, was it? What had she done? Why did she feel so guilty, so convinced of the criminality of her own life? As if summoned, Twilight teleported in beside her. It always surprised Starlight when she did that and this time was no different.

“You’re never going to get used to that, huh?”

“.... No, I’m not. I never really know when to expect it, you know?”

“Hmmm. I’m sure I could figure out some way to warn you ahead of time. I’ll have to check my books to see if there’s a spell for that. But discussing the issues inherent in teleportation isn’t why I’m here! You wanted to talk to me, right?”

“Yes, that’s right. I’ve been feeling pretty terribly emotionally recently and I just can’t figure out why. I feel so… guilty of something. I don’t know why I thought you might be able to help but it’s always nice to hear your voice.”

“Well, it makes sense to me that you’d feel guilty. Even now Sunset feels guilty for what she’s done and even if Trixie doesn’t show it all the time she feels the same way. It’s a sign of good conscience to feel guilty.”

“Yes, yes, I’m well aware of that. The issue here is that it’s a… special guilt. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s like I’ve done something terrible, something hidden to myself but known by everypony else. It’s almost like I’ve-”

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Starlights’ mouth quit working entirely as she became aware of her surroundings. Gone was the familiar location of Ponyville. Gone was the sun and the trees and the pleasant breeze through her mane. In it’s place was stale air and dirty cobblestone streets. They were surrounded on all sides by looming buildings that were ablaze. The fire offered no heat, no warmth to soothe the cold isolation spreading over her. They served only as towering monuments to the atrocities she had committed.

“Like you’ve killed the Princess? Eaten the sun itself? Yes, I can see why you’d feel that way. But can you see why you feel this way? Look at yourself, Starlight. Tell me what you see.”

She turned her head and saw herself for the first time since the change of locale and what she saw sent a spike of dread through her heart. She was splattered with blood, the shiny red liquid covering her horn and matted in her mane. Her hooves were slick with gore and she had memories of skulls fractured; bones crushed under the strength of her own body. Sat just behind her shoulders were powerful wings. Was she… an alicorn?

“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Why am I an alicorn? Where did this blood come from?’ Does the tiara on your head not serve as a reminder? What of this dark, this terrible pervasive night you’ve plunged us into? What do you have to say about that?”

“I’m not- I never-- I didn’t do this! It wasn’t me! Twilight, you have to believe me. Please, I would never-”

She felt hot, fresh blood spill down her forehead, stinging her eyes. She felt no remorse, no pity in her heart as she withdrew her horn from whatever fresh wound she had created. On the receiving end was one of Celestias’ royal guard, alabaster coat now red with his own blood. He was dead. She levitated his body some meters away, placing him down just 5 meters from the last corpse she had produced. Later on, when her prey finally showed itself, she would use these bodies as distance markers. She had quite a few spells that benefitted from well-judged distances.

“Really? Tell me, dear Starlight, whose wings did you tear from their owner as a trophy, a sign of your triumph? How did you prove your ascendancy?”

Starlight screwed her eyes shut, refusing to drink in any more carnage. She had seen enough. She knew who she was, who she was meant to be inside. It was no use, however, as Twilights’ magic forced her eyes to see that which she wished she couldn’t. In front of her was… Celestias’ corpse. It was broken, bloodied, charred in some places and missing chunks of flesh in others. She was split open, her organs nearly rendered into paste from the violence she experienced. She heard, felt a sickening rip as she pulled the wings from her lifeless body. She held them aloft in her magic, feeling a terrifying power wash over her. Now Equestria would know true darkness.

“Do you see now? Do you see what you’ve done? Do you understand who you are? If I was you, Starlight, I would end this all as quickly as possible. I would find myself, find my parents, and undo my creation before I ever have the chance to see the light of day. But we’ll see if you have the will to sacrifice yourself to save everypony else. If you ask me, I doubt you do.”

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This… vision disappeared as quickly as it came. To her left stood an anxious-looking Twilight Sparkle, that familiar look of concern plastered across her face.

“Starlight, are you okay? You haven’t said a word to me since I got here!”

Starlight couldn’t help but vomit. Once that initial panic had cleared her system she turned to face Twilight, a sickly look on her face. Here she recounted what she had just experienced, trying to avoid the more graphic details. Twilight grew increasingly worried as Starlight spoke, her face ending in a very hard look of controlled fear.

“Okay. Tomorrow you and I are going to talk to the Princesses. We’re going to figure out what this means and fix whatever needs fixing, okay? I promise.”

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When tomorrow came, her fears were made manifest. When she went to examine herself in the mirror, she found she had wings.