How to Kill a Healthy Dragon
one-shot is not enough, that's for sure
The SquidLord’s Dome, a battleground made to please the spoils of the current ruler of the land. A monument built to resemble the appearance of a corroded prison with the only purpose to create a feeling of despair upon the gladiators who got dragged to this pit of hell. The appearance and history of the dome was commonly known for the venturous mercenaries as a graveyard for heroes and victims. For the poor citizens who lived under the dictatorship of the Lord, this place was a cauldron where their hope is sent to be crushed and destroyed.
At the top of the dome, the Lord Squid rested on his throne, waiting for his slaves to bring the new rebels that dared to try going against his reign. The sound of a bighorn soon woke the Lord from his bored state, he composed his posture, and as on cue, two skeletons came to his side bearing fruits and liquor to their master.
The sound also awoke the creatures of the dome, powerful monsters made out of the chaotic magic of the Lord. From little abominations of nature to gigantic beasts reminiscents of absurd proportions, they erupted from their cells, hunting the place in search of prey. Only the remains of their previous battles: the skulls and bones of fallen victims were on sight, distributed in such a way that it could be disguised as a carpet in the distance.
One by one the captured so-called ‘champions’ were released to be tested against the sheer might of the domes beasts. The first of them, known as the Vanguard of protection, Prince Mac, soon found that his shield would prove to be as useful as cardboard and his longsword was nothing but a chopstick for the monsters of the dome. He was a great warrior in his own right, a tank that led his friends to victory in many battles; but this time he was alone. With no one to protect or support him, he understood that even with all his strength and endurance, he couldn't even represent a threat to his enemies. The prince was quickly defeated, obliterated by the sheer power and numbers against him. The gates of the dome's cells opened again, giving way to the next contestant and a path towards her imminent doom.
Unlike the prince, the next participant was well aware of her weaknesses, but her ego did not let her think properly about the odds against her. Quickstep, also known as the Blue Shadow, was a rogue pegasus known for her dexterity, speed and combat skills. She was a troublesome champion for the Lord, after all, the emperor was known to become annoyed when food played around with his pets.
But everything in this life has an end and the stamina of the athletic pegasus was no exception to that rule. As soon as she wasted her strength and touched the ground the tiny creatures that waited below the humongous beasts took the chance to usurp the title of harbingers of death, making the young rogue their first victim in decades.
The gates opened again showing that the next one on the short list of champions was the group's bard, Pinkie Strings, an earth mare who had earned her title as the bringer of joy and prosperity in every village she visited. Unlike the other champions, the ever charming bard wasn't as skilled in the art of combat as her former companions. The Lord dismissed the idea of killing her, knowing that she would serve better as a jester for his court.
It all led us to our final contestant, a wingless little dragon. A hatchling of purple scales that at first view could be confused with a cute plushie. The Lord snickered, the cute appearance of the little creature was something beyond the lord's comprehension.
"What is the meaning of this?" he asked, "I was told that there were four heroes, not three heroes, and their pet." He teased with a smug grin.
The young dragon didn't mind the Lord's insults and looked at the enormous beasts in front of him that had murdered his friends and companions. He couldn't be sure, but at least ten of those creatures were forty feet tall; while the monsters below didn't surpass the height of a grown up alicorn. With a toothy scowl, he huffed with content; those monsters could give the yaks a run on their bits with the amount of fur they had.
Fuzzy, dry, and flammable, fur.
While the Lord kept rambling and joking about the young champion's appearance, the dragon took the opportunity to attack. He spat a potent jet of flames towards the furry feet of the humongous beasts, making them growl in pain at the mere touch, the beast tried to dismiss the fire with quick swipes while waiting for their master's orders. Orders who never came since the Lord couldn't contain himself between the laughs.The flames used the time and fur as a fuel, growing to the point they grazed the twenty feet of height, making the creatures ravish in fear, stomping and streaking against anything that could serve as an extinguisher.
The Lord stopped laughing as soon as he heard the chaos happening under his eyes. His previous joy replaced by confusion and surprise that struck him like a cannonball, how he could be so foolish? He wasted his time mocking the wingless dragon, but the only one who ended up as a fool was himself.
The Squid Lord howled in anger. His creatures were nothing but cooked meat, and with them, his pride was also burned to the point only ashes remained. He signaled one of his arms towards the sky, and from within the clouds, a dark magic shaft came at blinding speed, stopping just mere inches aside of the summoning arm.
The Lord grabbed his weapon, and with a wrathful look on his eyes, he pointed it at the dragon.
"Disgraced creature. I wanted to make you my new pet, but this is unacceptable!" he shouted as his shaft started blooming with dark magic, "It doesn't matter if you were able to handle my creatures, you have no chance against my sheer power".
"Ha! Just look at me trying!" The dragon barked back, "I'm gonna make a dish out of your arms before you can cast anything!".
The young dragon started to charge in the Lord’s direction, but, as if God itself hated the little drake, he stumbled upon a tiny bone, striking the solid ground head first. He groaned in pain, his consciousness fading back and forth as he tried to stand up again.
"Dang it, perfect time to be hit by bad lu..." He trailed off, watching at the distance the humongous sphere of dark magic hanging in the sky. "Well, there goes our last hope..." he resigned and closed his eyes waiting on the cold floor for his imminent death.
"And so, the powerful Lord conjured his magic bomb," Discord narrated, "landing a total off..." he spun four dices in the air as the story kept happening like it was reality itself.
The giant sphere landed at high speed, crushing the poor dragon and his near surroundings. After that, a huge explosion made the entire dome shake before the whole place got covered in a dark smoke. After some seconds the smoke dissipated, leaving the sight of a huge crater in its place. and in the middle of that crater laid the young dragon.
"Ha, that’s what you got for making a fool of your Lord!" The emperor cheered in victory, paying no attention to the current dragon inside the crater. "HAHaHA-"
"Could you stop with your rambling and finish your magic already?!" The dragon shouted, making the Lord stop mid-cheer.
"What?!" he paused, "How? But? I.... this shouldn-"
"Wait a second there!" The rogue shouted, "Pause, I call for a pause!".
"What is it now Rainbow?" Spike asked, breaking the role of being a champion. "I just want to finish this playthrough and start again”.
"Uhm... Spike" Bigmac interrupted, "How are you still alive?"
"Say what now?"
"Your hp points you dummy" Pinkie pointed out, "Didn't you feel anything after that huge explosion?!"
"Huh?" Spike did a double take, noticing now the change in the surrounding area, "Wow... I survived that?" he asked astonished, "Discord how many points I have left?"
"Actually.. your HP points were untouched" Discord responded, being the dungeon master meant that he was the only one capable of knowing the exact amount of life points remaining in each character.
Rainbow Dash stepped out of her place and made her way to her purple friend, "I already told you that something was wrong with these new rules back at the beginning when the minotaur tossed Spike with his hammer." She looked at Spike`s body, searching for any trace of the previous magic attack.
"I already told you, that time the minotaur rolled a one, so his attack was as powerful as a baby swinging a lollipop." Discord explained before popping the mentioned candy into existence, alongside a pair of bowls filled to the brim with goodies, "But, now that you pointed it out Rainbow, it really seems weird, even for me, and I'm an expert on weird things".
Discord created little representations of himself, which grabbed the bowls and started to serve them to his friends, "What about some snacks while we figure out what happened?".
"That depends, do you got my stuff?" Pinkie asked. A little Discord gave her a bottle filled up with rainbow extract as an answer, "Now we are talking" she cheered and grabbed the spicy condiment.
While Pinkie was expelling flames out of her coat, Spike looked intrigued at the crater, still confused about what was really happening, "This is really weird. Discord, what did the boss get when you threw the dice?"
"He got a sixteen for the action and a total of four for the attack. It is a low number that's true but you have to remember that Lord Squid has three times your level so you should have lost anyway."
Rainbow groaned and stepped into the conversation, "I don't know why we are even bothering. Discord is Chaos itself, how are we sure that this isn't his magic playing around with himself?" she crossed her forehoofs.
"Now now my dear quick minded friend, I can assure you that my spell works just fine," He paused in order to take some nachos from one of the bowls, "The real problem here is that we are dismissing the fact that Spike could and does have a handicap"
"A handicap?" Rainbow asked confused, "And before you say anything. Yes, I do know what handicap means," she pointed out, "I ask because the only thing I knew that dragons were immune was fire".
"I'm not like most dragons though," Spike interrupted, his tone hinting pride as he spoke, "Maybe this is just another perk, giving the way I was raised.”
Bigmac approached the group, wanting to add something to the conversation, "Spike was hatched with magic right? Maybe he is immune to magic too". Discord furrowed his brow amused before raising the afford mentioned dragon in the air with his magic, "I think immune is not the word for this case".
"Maybe he is just resistant to magic attacks" Pinkie added before literally ‘jumping’ into the conversation, "I mean, he had never been hit by a powerful magic attack, so that's why we didn't know about it until this point.”
Rainbow Dash swallowed the last hoof of snacks in her hold before pointing a hoof to Discord, "Either way, this is unfair, Lord Squid only knows magic attacks, and most of the powerful monsters use magic too, the game is going to get really easy if we keep using this set of rules.”
"So what? Are we going to use the dice again to set our stats?" The red-coated farmer asked.
"Aww but I really liked this playthrough, last time we played a normal round I ended up dead because I couldn't stop in mid air before falling off a bridge."
"Pinkie that is cheating too," Rainbow said.
"If I can do it in reality then I can do it in a fictional world." The pastry mare refuted before huffing with discontent.
"I dislike the fact that I only can use my fire as a weapon, but this set of rules make everything feel more immersive. I would like to keep using these rules." Spike added.
"Come on everypony, and dragon, don't worry, I have an idea," Discord pointed out, "What if we search what is Spike’s handicap?" he asked before popping a clone of Spike beside him, "That way I can make a capable boss, and we can use this set of rules for our new playthrough.”
Bigmac and Pinkie Pie approved the idea, but there was something concerning them too.
"Am... Discord, could you mind to..."
"Use another model for this? I wouldn't like to see a copy of Spike being treated as a lab rat".
Discord huffed, "okey okey, but don't go crying to me when a zombie apocalypse happens and you aren't ready to face your relatives," he said before transforming the Spike clone into Garble.
The whole group stood astonished at the sight of the known brute red dragon.
"Discord how did you meet garble?" asked Spike, who was the first one to recover.
"Huh? I don't know him, I just used my magic to get a dragon out of your memories that you would agree to hit like a piñata" he explained before clapping his hands, making the world around them turn into a vast and empty landscape. "He has the same stats that Spike whatsoever. So~ shall we begin?"
"Aw yeah. If is Garble, you can count on me to kick him until he prays for mercy." Rainbow exclaimed in delight.
"Time to get some stress reliever." Spike commented while bumping his fist together.
"Eenei Minnie dragons is going to die, woo hoo!" Pinkie cheered before taking her role-signature weapon, a lyre.
Bigmac looked at the others in confusion, since he didn't know too much about Garble after all. But He did not have to think too much about it, hearing his friends comments about the red dragon in front of him was enough to convince him to go for the kill.
The group took a combat stance, almost ready to charge against the red brute, but just went they were about to start their attack, a magic aura enveloped them.
"Hold on, dragon and ponies" Discord interrupted, "where are your manners? Creatures of chaos and fillies first.” he said with a regal tone before his finger started acting like a spaghetti monster.
Just as the embodiment of chaos moved his fingers left and right, a storm clouded the sky upon the unmoving representation of garble. Seconds later, a tornado made up of chaotic magic surrounded him, the indescribable sounds made it impossible to the others to know what was really happening inside the clouded mayhem. The only thing they knew for sure was that the clone wasn't going to survive that first move.
"Funny, I always wondered: why no one uses their most powerful move at first?" Discord said to no one in particular.
After a couple of seconds, the tornado disappeared, leaving a cloud of dirt in its trail. Discord conjured a giant fan and ordered it to wipe the dust away before pulling out a prideful smile, "Now, I'm sure that the real Spike would have at least five percent of HP le..." Discord stopped mid sentence, his eyes stuck in his target health bar.
"Uhm.. Discord?" Rainbow approached him, "Is everything, alright dude? Well, you can't be all right because you are chaos itself but you know what I mean,” There was no response from him, "I think we should call Fluttershy.”
"I'm fine Dash" an echo resonated through the landscape, "It's just that I got surprised. Spike clone's hit points are intact." Discord explained, "Let me create another me, seems like this one stopped working." He added before the current image of Discord disappeared. After a couple of seconds Another Discord appeared from within a black hole.
...
"I'm never gonna get used to Discord's shenanigans." Pinkie Pie commented, earning confused looks from the whole group, "What?".
"So..." Spike trailed off, trying to dismiss Pinkie's last comment, "What was that tornado for, Discord?"
The Draconequus played with his beard, "Well, to be precise, that was a mix up of elemental magic. Usually, a dragon is weak to his counter element... but it seems like you don't have a counter element." he explained perplexed.
"Then what about physical attacks?" Rainbow proposed while taking a knife out of his costume pocket, "If Spike is able to feel pain in the real world, physical attacks may be his weakness.”
Rainbow threw her knife towards the Garble's clone with all the confidence in the world, "I'll take care of this in a second!" she added while the knife flew.
...
The knife bounced off of the clone's scales like a pencil hitting a steel board.
Spike and Discord weren't able to hold their snickers after witnessing such a demonstration of ego being crushed so easily.
While Rainbow's was huffing her way out of the laughing duo, Bigmac approached the illusion. He looked at his shield, a solid iron shield capable of stun heavy monsters of all kind; he wasted no time in explanations and punched the solid illusion in the head with the shield.
...
The illusion did not move whatsoever. "This is really weird..." Bigmac commented with a hum.
Discord noticed the loud sound who came from the iron hitting the scales and watched in glee how the life points of the illusion dropped slightly for a second, "Hey Bigmac you made something!" he cheered, "I wasn't paying attention but I did notice a loud clank sound. Tell me, my hardworking friend, what did you do? The clone lost some points for a moment. Unluckily for us, the dragon's body tends to heal by itself".
"Well I just hit his head hard with my shield," He explained before inspecting the Drake, "But he didn't even bother to say ouch..."
"Oh you silly stallion, he is just an artificial body made out of magic, it’s obvious that he would not say anything. Actually, he doesn't even have the ragdoll physics active." He explained before a snap of his fingers made the illusion fall like a puppet in the ground, "I first let it up like that so it would be easier to aim at him".
Suddenly, each member of the group found a hammer in his claws or hooves, "Now that we have a clue, I say it's time to beat this conundrum”
"Yeah! Time to beat the meat!" Pinkie shouted in joy, her face turning into a frown seconds after she noticed the void expression on the illusion's face, "Discord can you give this dummy a lesson in how to wear a face? It really puts me off seeing that thing as if was a box… No, forget it, a box can show more emotions than this thing.”
Discord nodded and with a clap the illusion's expression turned into a face of utter terror and shock.
"That's better! Now I can go all out. Banzai!"
Pinkie's friends just shrugged and smiled, following the hyperactive pony initiative with the same shout.
It has been half an hour since the group of friends started to smash the defenceless clone, but it has been all a fruitless effort. The representation of Spike's stats and Garble’s appearance healed itself faster than what they expected.
Discord grunted and turned all the hammers into tables. Seconds after a stampede of Discords appeared in the place just to turn the tables upside down, "I'm sick of this, it's useless!" they exclaimed in unison.
Rainbow by her part was still recharging her energy after the workout, "Jeez Spike... Next time we are on a mission I'm gonna use you as a shield"
"Hey, I may be invincible but it still hurts!" Spike said amused before turning to Discord, "Are you done?"
"Just one more." He said before throwing the table in the air; the table did a double backflip and a three sixty degrees turn before perfectly landing on all fours, the other Discords present cheered and celebrated at the display of skill from the original, "Winning in something always works to ease me up.”
"Could you read the guide book? We used magic and physical attacks but there are others kinds of way to deal with someone in the game." Spike said while Discord used his magic to teleport the tools used for the game into the landscape.
Suddenly, the door of the actual room blasted open; Twilight soon galloped inside the room, "Girls there is an emergency?! A group of manticores are on the loose and if we don't do something they will be in Ponyville within an hour!" she exclaimed.
At the same time, Twilight was doing her short explanation, Trixie and Starlight went inside the room, they were following the erratic alicorn out of curiosity while she was running through town.
"Can you wait for a second Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked, "We are trying to figure out something here".
"What do you-".
"Here!" Discord shouted, "We can use status effects like sleep, poison or curse!"
"Could you stop playing that silly game a-"
"Poison is not going to work, I took a whole cup of venom when I was little and just felt a little ache in my stomach. If I remember well, some dumb stallions thought that they could kill Celestia with it, now they are some cells apart from Tirek's"
Twilight was starting to lose her temper as the debate was continued to be discussed, making her feel completely ignored. After taking a huge breath to calm her nerves, she asked, "Can you tell me what in Equestria are you all talking about?"
"We are trying to figure out how to kill a dragon!" Pinkie exclaimed, before furrowing her brows like everyone else.
"What? That is an easy one, use a lightning spear spell, dragons are vulnerable to electricity; the scales will wear off and then the spear should seal the deal." she explained as a matter of factly.
"We already tried that one out at the beginning" Discord refuted while his eyes kept searching inside the guide-book of the game, literally his eyes got out of their sockets for the sole purpose to look up what he hoped could be inside the book, a clue. "Pinkie, the book says that a bard can curse an enemy with death.”
Before Twilight could say anything Discord enveloped everyone in the room with a sound barrier shield so they couldn't get hurt by the pink bard's song, unfortunately for a future Spike, Pinkie's song had no effect on the illusion but did have an effect on the windows of the castle.
"Great, now I will have to clean that up..." he growled after the barrier got dispelled.
Discord furrowed his brows at the sight of a peculiar warning above the illusions life's bar, "It says here that the target is already cur-"
"Guys, we don't have all day, why is so difficult to you to kill a fictional dragon?" Twilight asked.
"Don't know maybe you can help us with that, after all, he is your best friend right?" Rainbow said.
"Wait, what? That is not Spike-"
"We created a new set of rules for our game in which each one of us has the same stats that we have in real life, but just when we were about to lose in our first playthrough we discovered that Spike is invincible. We created a clone of Spike, that looks just like Garble, to test out how to kill it but we have been here almost for an hour trying everything we could think off and now we are starting to lose hope in finding an answer!" Pinkie Pie explained nonstop, "Are you gonna help us now?!".
...
Twilight stood shocked for a moment while her brain processed the previous hyperactive rambling. She blinked twice afterward, her horn glowing with a spell in the making before a scroll and a quill appeared beside her.
"Which were the spells Discord have used to this point again?" She asked in a serious tone, her internal joy for something new to discover was only noticed by her assistance and her former student.
"Don't worry about making a list dear Twilight, I had you covered," the embodiment of chaos said before covering Twilight's body with a scroll large enough to be considered endless.
Twilight huffed in annoyance to the bad joke before settling her eyes on the list, after a minute she concluded, "Those are all basic spells. They are powerful, that's for sure, but if we are going through this knowing that Spike is an extraordinary case, then we will need to improvise".
Discord snapped his fingers as if on cue, turning the interior of the room into a bunker; at the same time, he popped into existence chairs and a table filled with snacks and drinks.
"A bunker? this is perfect! I can test every kind of spells combinations now." Twilight cheered while her horn started charging.
"Well friends." Discord started before handling sunglasses to the ones present. "It's time to pop one out while Twily does her magic."
"Hopefully I would not drift off while testing, me and Spike used to hang out for hours testing spells on his scales in the past."
"Yeah, I remember. We stopped after your thunder spells managed to hurt me." Spike pointed out, "Who would have thought that my scales will get immune to that spell in the future?"
"Well, maybe you are not totally immune," Twilight said, her horn blooming while a thunderstorm grew atop of her, "But there is only one way to find out, it's time to do some tests! Spike start taking notes!" she exclaimed with joy.
Spike, who was about to take a claw full of snacks, stopped in mid-action and furrowed his brows in annoyance, "Oh, come on I wanted to enjoy the fireworks like everyone else!" he growled before conjuring his tool from within his green flame.
Forty minutes passed since Twilight started to throw spells combinations left and right, from simple destruction to alteration spells. Each time trying to get closer to an answer, she knew that she was getting close to an answer, the spells were starting to have a patron, she only needed to replenish her energy.
“Okay, I need to rest a little, but I think I got it now...” she commented before taking a drink from the table.
Rainbow took a large sip of her drink before commenting, “You know, I have to admit, Spike’s endurance is something awesome, but it seems like not all the dragons are like this”
“Actually Rainbow,” Discord interrupted, “I was asking myself the same thing. Spike our little fella, could you enlighten us?”
Spike scratched his chin with his quill while thinking for an answer, “I don’t really know… maybe is my diet, Ember seemed to be envious when I told her that I don’t have to worry about eating my gems, most dragons don’t eat their gems because they fear it could weaken their hoard, that’s not my case since I don’t wish to hoard things.” he explained before humming in thought again, “Maybe is because of the amount of magic power that was used when Twilight hatched me?”
“Ok guys,” Twilight interrupted, “I’m ready to solve this once and for all.”
Twilight took a battle stance, her horn filled with powerful magic pointing at the target, "First I need to get his scales trapped inside a point of time and space," she said between heavy breaths.
"Done... Now I need to weaken its scale with a corrosive substance," her exhaustive moans were now easy to hear.
"Finally thunder, to make the scales resistance fall.”
Twilight's control of magic could be described at this point as something godly, but all this power was wearing her out quicker with every passing second, either way, she didn't mind it because it was working, after all, the scales of the clone were falling apart.
The rest of the group were expecting with shaking hoofs and claws, the tension and joy almost palpable in their faces. Not only because all the exceptional display of magic showed till this point, but because there was finally hope that this puzzle would be solved.
"Now l just need a trusty weapon, a spear should do the job..." Twilight said with the little force she had before conjuring a magic spear and throwing it at the illusions exposed chest.
...
"She did it, the life points of the clone got to zero. hurray!" Discord cheered.
"Go Twilight woohoo!" Pinkie added.
"Finally! This took forever..." Rainbow commented.
"Eyuup".
"Now we can finally get back into the game," Spike said while rolling the large scroll in his hold.
Twilight turned to her friends with a smile filled with pride and victory, "I did it!" she celebrated with a jump before fainting and falling face first into the solid ground.
...
"Well, that was anti-climatic" Discord commented.
Sudden shouts and screeches echoed their way inside the castle, disturbing everyone inside the chamber.
"Uhm... guys" Starlight started, "Shouldn't you had to deal with some manticores before they got here?".
"Aww shoots, that's right we forgot!" Rainbow said before taking Spike with her hooves.
"Hey! what are you doing?"
"I told you! next time we are on a mission you are gonna be our po... eeh dragon shield!" Rainbow said with a sly smile, "Also you just wasted our winning card so you have to deal with the consequences. Let's go Pinkie! The others must be waiting for our help".
“I already told you! I might be invincible but it still hurts!”
"Weehee real fighting!" Pinkie Pie cheered before going outside the castle with Rainbow Dash and Spike. Leaving the others enjoy the afterglow of their previous victory.
"Well, in the meantime I'll be preparing the story for the new playthrough, Bigmac, my good friend, I will need your supportive talks for this one." Discord explained, already holding the book of the game in his paw.
"Of course, my fellow friend I will do my best to assist you." Bigmac said with a forced regal tone.
...
"Please don't do that again I almost got a heart attack, lucky me I wasn't using my heart at the moment.”
"Sorry, I wanted to improve my speech for the next playthrough.”
"Okay it seems fair, just tell me next time so I can be prepared..." Discord said before his eyes turned to Trixie and Starlight, "You girls want to help too?"
Trixie and Starlight exchanged glances between each other before shrugging.
"But," Trixie added, "There is something that I need to ask first: Did we just spend the last two hours trying to figure out how to kill one of our friends?" she pointed out, "I'm not expert on friendship but that does not seem like something a friend will do."
Starlight started to think in a good and reasonable answer to that question but found nothing to respond.
Discord by the other hand had already his own answer to that question, but he was interrupted as soon as he opened his mouth.
"Sharing your weakness only enhance your friendship, since you trust your friends enough to tell them your deepest secrets. True friends should take this kind of information and be supportive around the matter in order to make his friend a better pony... dragon." Twilight recited loudly while she laid on the ground sleeping.
"Well..." Starlight said impressed, "That's my teacher for you, dedicated to teaching about friendship even if she is unconscious".
"I still believe that is a good countermeasure against a zombie apocalypse." Discords concluded with an amused tone.