How Equestria could have been unmade
Come on, Sunset. You can do it.
Sunet took a deep breath. She pushed the double door of the cafeteria and was blinded by several spotlights.
Putting her hand in front of her eyes, she glimpsed her challenger waiting on the stage. The pale blue skin and the confident smile couldn’t be mistaken. Trixie hadn’t chickened out. She locked her eyes with Trixie’s and smirked. The magician smirked back.
“Oooh, the contest hasn’t started yet and our two competitors are already in the right mood,” said Pinkie Pie from the left of the stage. “We’ll sure have an interesting show.”
Sunset glanced over at her friend. Pinkie Pie was sitting at a table — for how long, no one could tell — a microphone in hand, ready to commentate the oncoming competition. Next to her was Twilight, checking some electronic devices Sunset didn’t recognize. She smirked again, picturing how many hours her friend had spent working on these at two in the morning. She could clearly see her and her dishevelled hair, constantly pushing her glasses back up as she fought against exhaustion.
Sunset locked her eyes again with Trixie’s, and slowly walked with firm steps towards her, trying not to look at the crowd gathered in the cafeteria. She didn’t understand why so many people had come. Had she taken a closer look, she’d have seen that half of the crowd was wearing her colors, while the other half wore Trixie’s. Each half was hoping to see one, or the other, of the confident self-absorbed girls going down.
Sunset climbed up the stage, still smirking. “I hope you’re ready for this.”
“More ready than you’ll ever be,” replied Trixie with a toss of her hair.
The atmosphere was electric and even Pinkie’s joyful voice couldn’t ease Sunset’s tension.
“Boys and girls, welcome to the second smirking contest!” shouted Pinkie. “Sunset, our current champion, has taken up Trixie’s challenge. Twilight and your humble servant will be the judges for today. Without further ado, let’s BEGIN!”
The crowd erupted in cheers and applauses, the names of Sunset and Trixie merging into a roaring cacophony. Soon enough, the volume died down, leaving the two contestants the only centre of attention.
Sunset took the lead. “So you think you got what it takes to be the best smirker?” she asked, putting a hand on her hips and a devious grin on her face.
“Puh-lease, I’m a six-course meal and you’re just for toast,” said Trixie, matching Sunset’s expression.
Sunset switched the hand on her haunches. “Not bad. In fact, it would have been a great blow if we hadn’t already heard it. Find something new.”
“Good one!” commented Pinkie. She then turned to Twilight. “What does your detector say?”
“It’s not a detector, it’s a smirk-o-meter, Pinkie. How many times have I told you that?”
“That’s the ninth, actually.”
“Then why do you keep asking me if you already know?” asked Twilight with a sigh.
“Because the audience doesn’t, silly,” said Pinkie, pointing at an empty space right above the crowd.
Twilight looked at it, blinked once, twice, then turned her eyes back on the smirk-o-meter. “Whatever,” she whispered. “We are still in green,” she said louder. “Even if it’s almost reaching four thousand SmirKi.”
Now that the two commentators were quiet again, Trixie took her chance and smirked harder. “Find something new, huh? You mean like always defeating the villain with the magic of friendship?” she said, forming the shape of a heart with her hands.
“Touche,” Sunset countered. “But at least it's real magic.” She put a hand on her chest as she intensified her smirk
Trixie’s smirk changed into an open mouth, and a gasp followed suit, the crowd applauding the counterattack.
“Hoo, Sunset is doing the Crossed Smirk,” said Twilight. “It seems she wants to end her opponent quickly.”
“The Crossed what?” asked Pinkie.
“The Crossed Smirk,” explained Twilight. “Look how the corner of her mouth is almost reaching her left ear, while her right hand is on her hips. It creates a pattern allowing her SmirKi to better flow through her body. We’ve already reached five thousand SmirKis and I’m expecting it to keep going up.” The devices emitted a serie of beeps. “Yep, that’s what I thought. Less than six thousand. If Sunset continues, she may breaks her own record of six thousand and four hundred.”
Sunset could see Trixie fuming, though the magician still kept both her composure and her smirk. “Your magic comes from a pendant. Anyone could pull off the same tricks if they had the same,” she said, putting more disdain in her eyes than in her smile.
“Be my guest, then,” replied Sunset, holding her pendant in front of a gasping Trixie.
The magician’s eyes darted back and forth between the orange piece of jewelry and Sunset’s devious smirk. She knew exactly what Sunset was thinking at the moment. Unless Sunset had suddenly become stupid, they both knew Equestrian magic had the unfortunate tendency to alter someone not worthy of bearing it.
“What are you afraid of?” added Sunset. She overheard Twilight’s device beeping, and Twilight commenting that Sunset had broken her own record, but she was too caught in the confrontation to fully acknowledge her achievement. “Wanna try?”
Trixie gulped. “Sure, no problem. There is nothing to be afraid of…” She raised her hand but stopped halfway, gulping harder.
Seeing that she wasn’t moving, Sunset went for the final blow. She slowly spread her lips, showing her white, shining teeth. “Tell me, oh Great and Powerful Trixie, why is my pendant still in my hand?” Trixie opened her mouth but no sound came out. “That’s what I thought,” said Sunset, putting back her pendant around her neck.
“You win this one, bacon hair. But it’s far from over!” Trixie left the stage, her fists clenched, mumbling curses.
“Anytime, Boredini,” said Sunset. She didn’t know why, but she felt like putting on a pair of sunglasses. Unfortunately, she didn’t have any at the moment.
As soon as Trixie left the cafeteria, the crowd erupted in cheers, greeting the Smirking Champion. Pinkie, now standing on the table, joined in. “Woohoo! Congratulations, Sunny!” She leapt from the table and met Sunset on stage, raising her hand. “Now who would dare to face the Smirkiest Smirking Smirker of all Smirkers?” The crowd roared. “Yeah, I know. Hard to top that, huh? But I know someone who could. Since you were a really, reeeeaaaally nice audience, let’s have a bonus round. Everybody! Please welcome our new challenger!”
The double doors of the cafeteria slammed against the wall and a shadowy figure appeared. It took one step forward, and Sunset finally recognized who it was. She smirked.
“S-Sunset?” said Twilight, her eyes wide open. A too familiar face walked towards her counterpart, obviously smirking. The smirk-o-meter was beeping loudly, screaming the incoming danger, and Twilight looked at it. “That won’t end well,” she whispered.
“Aw come on, silly,” said Pinkie who had rejoined her friend at the table. “What could go wrong?”
“Pinkie, we’ve already gone beyond the safe zone the moment she entered the room. We’re above seven thousand SmirKis. Eight thousand. Eight thousand five hundred. If it keeps skyrocketing, we’ll soon be over nine—”
BOOOOM
The smirk-o-meter exploded, leaving the two young girls with light burnt marks on their face, and their hair frazzled. “Yippee! This is going to be so much fun,” shouted Pinkie, clapping and widely grinning.
The two Sunsets were facing each other, bearing the best smirks no one had ever seen. Ignoring the rest of the world, they didn’t notice the magical force field girding them.
“So I heard someone was impersonating me, claiming she was the best smirker in the world,” said human Sunset. “There can be only one Sunset. How foolish of you to think that you could match me.”
“Oh, I don’t think so. I know so. In fact, I’m already beyond your level.”
“And what makes you say that?”
“I don’t know, maybe having saved the world three times probably gives me a bonus.”
“Yeah, I heard about that. For me, it just evens up the score, considering the threat you were for the world at some point.”
For every jibe, each Sunset was putting more and more smugness into her smirk. With the third one, their hair started flowing from the powerful energy, created by the clash of the two smirking goddesses.
“Pinkie, we need to evacuate the room!”
Pinkie pouted. “Why? I wanna see what happens.”
Twilight grabbed her friend by the shoulders. “Can’t you see what’s happening right in front of you? They have dared the Crossing Smirk at the same time. At the same time, Pinkie!”
Pinkie tapped her chin. “I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but I guess it’s bad news?”
“Worse than bad news! When you do two Crossing Smirks, their energy doesn’t add or even multiply, it exponentializes! We must leave before their power reaches a critical level!”
“Okie-dokie-lokie.” Pinkie easily escaped Twilight’s grasp and took the mic. “Attention everybody! We need you to clear the room as soon as you can for your own safety!” When the crowd didn’t move, too enthralled by the unbelievable duel playing in front of their eyes, Pinkie tried a different tactic. “Leave now, or you’ll miss the chance to see our classmates Octavia and Vinyl making out session on the parking lot! I heard it involves ropes and strings!”
The absurdity of the statement snapped the crowd out of their trance. They paused for a moment, the sheer danger they were in suddenly hitting them, before they ran for the doors, screaming for their lives. Pinkie and Twilight, trailing the crowd, carefully closed the door behind them.
For a moment, the only sound coming from the room was the buzzing of magical energy, until a loud explosion rocked the building. The doors jumped under Twilight’s arms, smoke seeping under the doors, and silence fell.
Twilight and Pinkie looked at each other, terrified to open the door and discover how much of their friend had survived the blast. Eventually, Twilight gathered the courage to slowly open the door, poking her head inside. She discovered that Sunset was far from having painted the walls with her own body. In fact, she was safe and sound, sat down next to the other Sunset, the two genuinely laughing. She couldn’t say the same for the furniture, though. The chairs and table had all been thrown against the walls by the force of the explosion, most of them now shattered into several pieces.
“Hey, Twilight,” said Sunset, waving to her friend.
Twilight carefully took a few steps. “Sunset? You’re okay?”
Sunset smirked. “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”
She had barely finished her sentence when a wave of energy erupted, pushing Twilight back in Pinkie’s arms.
“Oops, sorry about that. I guess the residual energy hasn’t completely vanished.”
Twilight stood up and pushed her glasses back up her nose. “That was impressive. Thank God there’s only two of you. I can’t imagine what could happen if there were more.”
Pinkie beamed. “I know a way. Wanna find out?"
Author's Note
A little crackfic for a fellow Writeoffer. Sorry mate, I couldn't help it.
