Uh Oh Super Trampoline is Super Drunk
Oh yeah Spring Loaded really likes springs! I mean he's like super loaded with them. Spring loaded! Oh yeah! He also has elastic fabric. Isn't that swell?!?! Isn't that neat! So yeah he was like second nephew of Grand Pear and stuff. He really liked them springy stuff. So he built a trampoline and it went spring spring spring and booooom sproing up into the air!
And it was wonderful.
He bounced and flounced and trounced and announced up and down and up and down and up and down over and over and over and over. He started telling ponies about his trampoline and they all wanted to bounce on the trampoline. He charged five bits for five minutes of bouncing and all the ponies went bouncing on it and he made a lot of a lot of money. He was a very happy stallion. His life felt like it had meaning.
BUT THEN
Everything changed when he built...
An even bigger trampoline. It was... a Super Trampoline! Wow. How lovely.
It was fifty feet wide and fifty feet long and in the shape of a circle so I guess you could say it was 12.5 feet radius.
And Spring Loaded built a fifty foot diving board to bounce onto it. He loved it so much, this beautiful, magical trampoline. That magical part was very important. So tragedy struck when he climbed up the diving platform and launched himself off of the trampoline. Oh no, oh my! How he fell with such disdain for lack of gravity. He fell with amazing amounts of speed. Swooooooooosh, He falls down down down down down until he goes SSSSppppprrrrroooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggg waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up into the air. He loved his trampoline so incredibly, amazingly much, and so all the love and affection Spring Loaded had ever given to his trampoline, it now returned in kind. Magic is like that in Equestria, you know. It knows the power of love and friendship. And that magic super duper amazingly launched Spring Loaded waaaaaaay too high into the air. He launched AT LEAST 💯 feet into the air. Ponies don't even count that high, usually. That was way way way up in the sky! Wooooaaaaaoahhhhh maaaaaaaan.
But uh oh, that means Spring loaded way way WaY up into the air and so he now had to launch down into the air. He fell faster and faster and faster and as gravity proved to be a cruel master. Tragically, that amazing magic was not perfect. It was not quit perfect yet! It was a little bit off! And so he launched not straight up, but at an oblique angle, about 75° from horizontal. Thus SL (Spring Loaded) flew out from about the super trampoline. And so he saw the ground beneath him, and do you know what happened?!?! It got closer and closer and closer, because he was falling down towards it. What tragedy! When encroaching sense of doom, falling to one's death. Spring Loaded at this moment learned to accept his death. He came to his dreadful conclusion that his essience would one time soon cease to be.
He prayed a prayer he hoped some mad or sane god noticed, that he or she might take pity on his rapidly falling soul.
And do you know what happened that day?
Gasp! The earth pony hit the ground and went
SPLAT!
Oh no! He was about to be dead. He was feeling his life energy flying away. And soon it finished flying away.
Spring Loaded was dead.
Angle Bunny had really big ears, and so he was like "Yo, Shy to the Fly, y'all have a dead pony nearby." Oh dear, oh bunny, what cruel torments have your soft fuzzy ears been subjected to? So traumatized you now must be!
Fluttershy gasped. "Oh no, that's horrible. That is a significantly terrifying statement. Please, dear Mr. Angel Bunny, In what directed did this fowlest sound eminate in from? That vile vile sound of squishing, please do tell from whence it came."
Angel Bunny*
*I'm less drunk now.
aimed an arm towards Ponyville proper, his little nose twitching spasmatically. Fluttershy flew off into town as quickly as her weak wings would take her.
Meanwhile, Twilight's seismograph monitors had also picked up vibrations caused by the frightful fall. "Spike, I'm going to go investigate what happened. There's something rotten in the state of... does Equestria have states, or is it small enough to be organized only by townships? At any rate, Equestria is a state, when using this definition of state, and so something is rotten in the state of Equestria."
Spike nodded. "I understand, Professor Sparkle. Goddess Speed, Purple Emperor."
Twilight *poof!*ed out in a teleportic flash.
Twilight and Fluttershy arrived at ground zero at the same time. It wasn't pretty. Earth ponies are strong, but gravity and dirt are stronger. And so there, a good twenty feet from a quite super trampoline, the mangled, compacted, quite broken body of Spring Loaded lay, dead.
They both gasped in unison. Fluttershy couldn't speak, and Twilight barely managed to squeak out "Oh my Goddess!"
Fluttershy descended to the body, optimistically putting a hoof to his neck. There would be no miracle. This deserved no longer to be called a body, but rather, a corpse.
"I-I... I don't. I don't know w-w-w-hat t-to do. Twilight, what, what d-d-o we do?!"
Twilight ignored her friend's please for direction, instead postulated what might have possibly happened. "He... t-the trampoline. It's... it's huge! He- oh stars, oh stars! Fluttershy, he bounced to his death! How horrid!"
Flutter looked up from the pony remains at her friend. "I... oh, Twilight, he... I think he went quickly. His brain would have been mushed instantly."
"That's... that's reassuring I guess. Poor guy, why, he died doing what he loved."
"So, uh, what should we do? I mean, who do we tell next?"
Twilight shook her head sadly. "I...guess...the coroner, and the constable , and... I mean, I guess we should probably gather the rest of the girls, and... ugh, notify his next of kin."
"Yeah. Wow, I, I'm used to death, but... but this is um, different than usual."
"Yes," Twilight concured, "it certainly put a spring in his step."
A record scratch noise was heard, and Fluttershy rolled her eyes, huffed, and mounted her forelegs on her hips in one unapproving movement. "Twilight, was that supposed to be a punchline or something? It's horrible. It doesn't make any sense!"
Twilight blushed. "I, uh... yeah I was hoping for a great feghoot, but like Spring Loaded, that line fell flat."
Fluttershy facehoofed.
Author's Note
Pinkie Pie reenacts Spring's horrible accident
