"After all, this was the first time anypony thought to prepare roast fetus..."
It was a cold afternoon, but all the ponies of Ponyville were happy and warm, surrounded by the love and friendship of their fellow townsponies.
It was time for the annual Ponyville feast and none were more excited for it than Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, for they had worked hard together to make sure everything went according to plan.
“Oh, Rainbow, look at all these fellow citizens enjoying the time off together. It’s absolutely wonderful.“ Fluttershy wrapped Rainbow in a hug. “I’m so excited for the food to be served."
Rainbow looked around the giant dining room of the castle where many a pony were ready for the food. “Definitely. It’s nice seeing everyone get together. Especially considering how hard we worked together to make the main course. I know they’re gonna love it, especially because I did most of the work.”
“Oh, stop bragging,” Fluttershy said, waving a hoof. “We both worked hard.”
Twilight, who was sitting at the end of the table, stood up. “Everypony, may I have your attention please? We have a special guest this afternoon to enjoy a meal with us. Please, welcome to our feast… Princess Celestia!”
The regal Princess of Equestria strolled in, waving a hoof at all the ponies. “Thank you one and all for welcoming me here. I really appreciate your generosity. Now, let’s say we eat some food. I’m simply famished!”
Rainbow and Fluttershy smiled and nodded to each other.
“Alright!” Rainbow said. “We’ll be right back with the main entree.”
In a dash, Rainbow had flown off to grab their dish and was back. A metal cover concealed their creation, and the fleet-footed pegasus pony placed the platter down in the middle of the main table.
Even with the cover, a heavenly smell began to waft through the air. None other than Princess Celestia found herself sniffing the air frantically, ready to chow down. Finally, it was the moment everyone was waiting for. With a little wink, Fluttershy removed the aluminum cover, finally revealing the fantastic food she and Rainbow Dash had planned for everyone.
Celestia licked her lips. “Oh my, this looks absolutely delicious.”
Everypony else in attendance nodded their heads in agreement, drool running from their mouths. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy looked proud, and rightfully so.
After all, this was the first time anypony had thought to prepare roast fetus for the Ponyville Annual Feast. It was a simple dish, but elegant in its own way. That Fluttershy had had the foresight to clean out Angel Bunny’s ears before the event was, in a way, perfect. His earwax had turned out to be a fantastic glaze, one she was sure everypony would like.
“Where did you girls find this one? It’s rather large.”
“Well, once you made third trimester abortion legal in Fillydelphia, these suckers started popping up all over there. I managed to grab one while I was on a trip there to visit family,” Rainbow Dash explained.
The roasted food wasn’t without Rainbow Dash’s hoof stamp, of course. It had been her idea to add her own glaze composed of the yellow discharge she had expelled during her recent yeast infection. It was during that infection that she had tasted it for the first time, and came to realize just how delicious it had the potential to be. Of course, their mixed glaze wouldn’t have been complete without their special ingredient: Celestia’s ass hair.
Admittedly, getting their hooves on some of that regal rectal hair had been a bit of a challenge, but Pinkie Pie didn’t have a spy getup for nothing. Once she had delivered the hair back to Rainbow Dash, they had considered the outside of the fetus to be perfect.
Of course, the outside of the fetus only told half the tale. As the eager townsponies watched, Rainbow Dash made the first cut into their roast fetus.
Finally, the tasty looking contents began to spill from within. What looked to be weeks old period blood had coated the inner walls perfectly, providing what was sure to be a tangy taste that anypony could enjoy. That was nothing compared to the mix of eyeballs and toenail clippings mixed in with the coagulated blood. It looked almost like a stew, and the ponies around all licked their lips in anticipation.
“It actually took us a while to gather up all these toenails,” Rainbow Dash spoke up yet again. “Fluttershy and I had to camp outside of Twilight’s house and rifle through her trash to find some of Spike’s clippings.”
Many ooh’s and ahh’s could be heard, with one pony even exclaiming that he found the idea genius.
“Heh, yeah, it was pretty genius. Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash addressed her friend, “care to explain where we found the eyeballs?”
“Oh, well that was simple,” the shy pegasus pony smiled. “Rainbow Dash and I simply posed as potential parents, and went to every orphanage in Equestria. After we had signed over the papers declaring us a filly or colt’s parents, we would take them home and smash their jaw in with a sledgehammer.”
Gasps were heard all around. “Hmm, I can’t say I’ve ever heard of such a method. Do go on,” Celestia spoke calmly.
“After their jaws had been shattered and they could no longer scream, Rainbow Dash and I scooped out their eyeballs with a flathead screwdriver, then disposed of their bodies in a tub of sulfuric semen.”
That explanation had ponies smiling, eagerly awaiting this amazing dish even more.
“I hope you guys are ready to dig in,” Rainbow Dash said. “There’s just one more ingredient we need to add. Fluttershy?”
“My pleasure,” the butter-colored pony smiled, placing her front right leg onto the table by the roast fetus. With a punch that could break bricks, Rainbow Dash split Fluttershy’s leg in two, the limp bit hanging off by a mere tendon, leaving her broken bone sticking out. Blood sprayed everywhere as Rainbow Dash moved Fluttershy’s bone over the fetus. Liquefied bone marrow dripped out and coated the fetus like a gravy as Fluttershy passed out from shock.
“Eat up!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, declaring the Ponyville Annual Feast active.
The first pony to come up and grab a plate was none other than Fluttershy’s agent, Photo Finish. The fashion pony was quick to gobble down a few bites, and through a full mouth exclaimed, “Mmm, this is delicious!”
This Ponville Annual Feast was shaping up to be the best Ponville Family Bar and Grill Festival yet.
Author's Note
No orphaned foals were harmed in the making of this story.
Just kidding, they're dead.
