It had been a few days since the Elements—minus Twilight Sparkle—had set off to Fillydelphia on a friendship mission. An upcoming meeting with some royals from Trottingham prevented Twilight from accompanying her friends. Of course, something told her that conflict would still find its way to Ponyville.
“Starlight?” Twilight called out. “Have you seen Spike? He wasn’t here when I woke up.”
“I thought he was still sleeping!” Starlight shouted back from her room. A few moments passed before the former villain trotted into Twilight’s chambers. “I didn’t see him on my way to the bathroom or back, is he not in here?”
“Not to my knowledge,” Twilight replied. “Maybe he’s just really dug up under his covers.”
Shifting around the sheets on his little bed revealed a crumpled up piece of paper. Using her magic to bring the paper eye level, she could see clearly that someone had hastily scrawled some words onto it.
“I think it’s a letter.”
“Well what are you waiting for?” Starlight shimmied her way over to read along. “Read it.”
Twilight Sparkle considered herself a pretty level-headed mare. It took a lot to get her mad, and even more to make her downright furious. As her eyes scanned over the letter left behind in Spike’s bed, she discovered that this could certainly qualify as ‘even more’.
Greetin', Princess Twilight,
If ye wish t' see yer precious dragon alive, then meet us at th' docks southwest o' Las Pegasus wit' no less than ten thousand unmarked bits.
If you’re not here by tomorrow afternoon, then we be goin' t' maroon th' wee drake 'n leave 'im t' rot. Or maybe we'll skin 'im alive 'n make ourselves some dragon leather boots!
Regards,
th' Golden Age Pirate Crew
“Oh my Celestia, this is awful…” Twilight muttered, one of her hooves moving up to cover her mouth.
“You’re telling me! They took Spike!” Starlight cried out in agreeance.
“Not that,” Twilight shook her head. “Spike can definitely handle himself until we find him, but did you see how illegible this note is? Whoever these pirates are, they could certainly use some tutoring!”
“Really?” Starlight deadpanned. “I think we have bigger issues at hoof, Twilight.”
“Right, right. Alright, let’s think this over logically.”
“Well, we know who took him,” Starlight offered. “Why don’t we see if there’s anything in the library about this ‘Golden Age Pirate Crew’?”
Twilight nodded. “Good idea. And while we’re there, I can grab a few dictionaries to lecture them with!”
Twilight galloped off towards her library, leaving Starlight to sigh.
“Found it!” Twilight called out, waving a hoof at Starlight. “‘Full Sail: A Comprehensive History of Pirates in Equestria’.”
“Of course you would have a book like that,” Starlight chuckled, making her way over to her friend. “But is there anything about that gang that took Spike?”
“Hmm…” Twilight’s horn lit up, and the pages of the book rapidly began to turn. The unicorn watched in awe as her mentor quickly scanned over every page. With a thump, the book was closed again. “Nope, nothing about them here. Of course, this is just the first edition.”
Starlight smacked a hoof to her face in frustration. “Maybe we could just do what they said? I doubt Mayor Mare wouldn’t be willing to help save Spike.”
“Actually…” Twilight blushed, “Mayor Mare and Spike aren’t exactly on the best of terms.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, a couple years before we met you, Spike sort of grew into a giant dragon and wrecked the majority of Ponyville,” Twilight explained. “There were a lot of lawsuits, but we managed to settle them out of court.”
“Great, there goes that idea…” Starlight muttered dejectedly. Her gaze fell to the floor, a morose look cast across her face. “What are we going to do then…?”
Twilight idly kicked her hoof across the floor. Rescuing Spike wasn’t going to be easy, that much was certain. Finding a way to reach Las Pegasus by tomorrow would be difficult enough, but procuring ten thousand unmarked bits? These pirates were demanding a hefty price, one that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to pay.
Still, she couldn’t simply give up on Spike. Would he ever give up on her?
“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do,” Twilight smiled, brimming with newfound confidence. “We’re going to round up a crew of our own and take these pirates head on. They may outnumber us, but the magic of friendship is undefeated!”
Starlight perked up a little at her friend’s speech. If there was one thing Twilight Sparkle was good at, it was instilling her own confidence into her friends. There was just one question.
“Who will we round up?”
Starlight rapped her hoof against the weak wooden door of her friend’s wagon. She could hear a bit of shuffling on the other side, followed by a shout. “Who is it?!”
“It’s Starlight. May I come in?”
The wagon door swung open, and Starlight peered inside. It was messier than usual, with bits of clothing and various magical items strewn across the floor. “Why didn’t you just tell Trixie! You are always welcome, Starlight. Come in!”
Starlight crossed the threshold into Trixie’s rather humble abode, being careful not to step on any potential valuables. “The place certainly looks… different, than I remember.”
“Hehe, sorry about that,” Trixie blushed. “I haven’t cleaned up since my performance last night.”
“It’s alright,” Starlight smiled. This was her first friend, so a little messiness wasn’t going to come between them. “I actually came to ask you a question.”
Trixie trotted over to her mirror, adjusting her mane a bit as Starlight spoke. “Mm… what is it?”
“You like Spike, right?”
“The little purple dragon?” Trixie recalled, running her brush through her hair. “But of course. He is one of Trixie’s most avid supporters now. Actually, he was at my show last night.”
“Right, well… here’s the thing,” Starlight coughed nervously. “You’d never want to lose one of your biggest fans, would you?”
Trixie span her chair about to face Starlight, all the while magically running that brush through her hair. “Of course not, why?”
Starlight chuckled, trying to alleviate the tension she felt. “He was kinda, sorta, um, foalnapped by a pirate crew.”
The brush that had been so gracefully running through Trixie’s mane found itself yanked hard in her surprise, ripping out a bit of hair. “Ow…” Trixie moaned, rubbing her head to alleviate the pain. “What do you mean he was foalnapped?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. We woke up this morning and all they had left behind was a letter telling us to meet them in Las Pegasus.”
When Trixie was sure the pain was finally gone, a look of anger shot across her face, and she nearly growled. “NOPONY is going to take away one of my fans!”
“Right!” Starlight shouted. “So, you’ll help us, then?”
“Help you?” Trixie laughed, hopping out of her chair. Within moments, the magical mare had retrieved her entire getup. “No, Trixie is doing this for her greatest fan!”
Awesome, Starlight thought, I just hope Twilight can convince him to help us too.
“Now, I know that you’re not exactly the biggest supporter of harmony—”
“Try not at all,” Discord yawned.
Twilight sighed. This was going to be frustrating. “... Okay, I know you’re not at all supportive of harmony, but there’s an emergency.”
Discord finally rolled out of bed, quite literally. The moment he smacked into the floor, he disappeared in a flash, popping back up beside his former nemesis. “Tell me, why is it that the fate of Equestria always seems to be in your hooves?”
Twilight tried to speak up, but quickly found herself interrupted. “That’s not—”
“And then,” Discord snapped a talon mid-speech, shrinking down enough to stand on Twilight’s nose, “you ponies always come to me. Tell me, what did you do before I was freed of my prison as a bird toilet?”
“Well, we—”
“Used the Elements of Harmony?” Discord guessed, flashing out of existence for a brief moment, only to appear back in front of her. In his hands, he held what looked to be replicas of the original stone elements. “Let me tell you, these things were far more trouble than Celestia let on.”
Twilight stamped a hoof down. “And just what is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, just that the burden of being an Element far outweighs the benefit. Sure, you can save Equestria time and again, but is that really how you envisioned your life?” Discord asked.
Normally, Twilight would have had no issues getting into a philosophical debate with Discord, but now just wasn’t the time. “We don’t have time for this. I’m not here to ask for your help saving Equestria, Discord.”
“Oh?” Discord paused. In a flash of light, the mock elements were gone. “Then why are you? Hasn’t Fluttershy told you that I need my afternoon naps to recharge for work?”
Twilight cocked her head curiously. “What work do you even do?”
“Lots of things,” Discord chuckled. “Mostly selling practical jokes to ponies, which reminds me. How would you like to see Rainbow Dash’s home turn into a raincloud and vanish for a day?”
“That’s awful!”
“I know!” Discord’s chuckling turned into full-blown laughter. “Just imagine the look on her face, it would be priceless!”
Well… that much was true, and Twilight couldn’t deny it. Still, Discord’s antics were far too distracting. “Alright, look. Like it or not, you’re our friend, and friends are there for each other.”
“Fine,” Discord finally relented. “What do you need, Twilight?”
“Spike’s been kidnapped by a crew of rowdy pirates,” Twilight explained. “We need your help in case the situation goes south.”
“Oh, wait, this is about Spike? You should have said that from the start, Spike is my bro!”
Twilight deadpanned. “‘Bro’?”
“Yes, and I’ll have you know that the term ‘bro’ is nothing to be made fun of,” Discord harrumphed, crossing his arms over his chest. “It is an endearing term, one which you wouldn’t understand.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Twilight said. “So then you’re on board?”
“I never said I was ‘on board’, Twilight. I’m going to need something from you before I agree to anything.”
Discord smirked, scaring Twilight. “Just tell me what it is, Discord.”
His smirk slowly grew, and his hands rubbed against one another deviously. Laughter rose from his lungs, and Twilight knew she was in trouble.
Twilight sprinted through the main market of Ponyville, constantly looking behind her. Noticeably absent from the alicorn was the appendage that allowed her to manipulate magic.
“Help, goblins stole my horn!” She shouted. Almost instantly, everypony in the market fled in panic and terror. Once they were all gone, Twilight’s horn reappeared on her head. “There, are you satisfied?”
“Absolutely,” Discord laughed, appearing at her side. “Did you see how those flower ponies just sprinted away? Classic.”
“Yeah, that’s certainly a word you could use to describe it,” Twilight frowned. “Now, what do you say we meet Starlight at the train station?”
“After you,” Discord bowed mockingly.
Starlight and Trixie had been waiting for about fifteen minutes, and the latter was beginning to grow impatient. “Must we really wait for them?”
“If we want to have any chance of rescuing Spike, yes.”
“Come on. The two of us would be more than a match for any pirate crew!” Trixie shouted.
“That may be,” Starlight giggled, “but Twilight is counting on us.”
“Well, Trixie thinks that—”
“There they are,” Starlight cut off her friend, pointing a hoof out towards the distance. Sure enough, Discord and Twilight could be seen making their way to the pair. “Alright, let’s get ready to go.”
The two raised from the bench they’d been waiting on, regarding their friends.
“So, I see you managed to get that… weird snake thingy, to help us,” Trixie spoke. “I’m not sure what use he’ll be of when you already have the three greatest magicians in Equestria.”
“Trust me, Discord will prove his worth to you,” Twilight smiled.
“Not that I need to,” Discord muttered.
“Well, now that the gang is all rounded up, what do you guys say we get this journey underway?” Starlight spoke up, attempting to get the troops in order. “It’ll be a long journey to Las Pegasus.”
“That reminds me… Why didn’t we pack any luggage?” Discord asked. “It feels strange going on a vacation without having packed.”
“Um, because you can just use your weird snake powers to make anything you want?” Trixie guessed.
“Plus, this isn’t a vacation,” Twilight added.
“Oh, please, an adventure through the high seas, and you don’t call that a vacation?”
“I doubt it’ll come to that,” Starlight answered, making her way into their train. The rest of the gang followed suit. As the doors shut, Discord chuckled.
“We’ll see about that.”
Author's Note
Greetings! It's me, three years in the future, here to deliver some amazing news! The story has updated!
Quest for Ships
“What do you mean a ship is three hundred bits per day!?” Twilight exclaimed. An overwhelming urge to leap over the counter and throttle this shipwright came over her, but luckily for her, Trixie decided to take her place at bat.
“What Trixie’s friend means to say is, don’t you have some sort of discount for princesses who have saved the entire world?” She bargained.
Unfortunately, it was to no avail. “Sorry, ladies. You may not like our prices, but we can’t offer discounts to just any popular pony that comes through here. Three hundred bits per day, take it or leave it.”
“Then Trixie and her friend will t—” Trixie was cut off as a zipper suddenly appeared over her mouth and was swifty drawn shut.
“What our loud-mouthed associate means to say is that that is simply unacceptable,” Discord said, popping in front of the shipwright with a flash, “Mister… Wright? Seriously? Wright? Do you ponies even have a chance to be something other than what you’re named?”
“Hey, I’ll have you know the Wright family is a proud and historic one,” he countered. “But you can call me Whinny.”
“Heh, Whinny, that’s such an old lady’s name…” Starlight chuckled, earning a glare from everyone involved.
“Alright,” Twilight spoke back up, seemingly calmed down. “We’ll pay it. What models do we have to pick from?”
“Are you sure you can afford that?” Starlight asked, raising an eyebrow. “Isn’t your salary only two hundred bits a day?”
“It’s fine,” the Princess of Friendship replied, reaching down to take out her satchel. “Celestia gave me a company credit card with no spending limit. We’ll just use that.”
“Isn’t that against policy or something?”
“Not if I claim it was stolen,” Twilight shrugged, causing Trixie and Discord to nearly fall over in laughter.
“W-wow, I didn’t know you had it in you, Twilight!” Discord exclaimed. Snapping a talon, he shrunk down to the size of her satchel, quickly peering inside of it. His voice raised in pitch as he spoke. “Have you ever thought about letting your favorite draconequus use it?”
“Trixie is confused,” the magician spoke up. “Can’t you just make anything you want out of thin air?”
“Well, of course!” Discord shouted as he turned back to regular size, now resting on Twilight’s back. “But that’s not as fun as getting Twilight here in some trouble with our dear Celly.”
“One, get off of me,” Twilight replied, bucking her hips up. Discord tumbled towards the ground, but disappeared before he made impact. Hoofing the card over to the shipwright, she continued. “Two, don’t ever call her Celly again. We have standards here in Equestria, not that you would know. We don’t make fun of Princesses, or use leeches in medical science, or eat generic brand mac n’ cheese. So please, correct yourself moving forward.”
“Oh, you’re no fun!” Discord replied, his arm suddenly covered in an abundance of leeches.
“Alright, so the manual says to take this rope, and loop it through—” Twilight was cut off by a thud, followed by all her hard work turning into a tight rope coil on the floor. With a sigh, she turned her head to see her friends in a pile on the deck. “Fasten it…”
“Oh… You have to tie these?” Starlight asked, tittering nervously. “Hehe, sorry…”
“No, you just let the rope stay there and it magically doesn’t move,” Twilight deadpanned. “YES, YOU HAVE TO TIE IT, DO YOU WANT ME TO PAY EVEN MORE?”
“You’re not even paying anything at all, Ms. I have a credit card and it’s one more thing to hold above The Broke and Feeble Trixie’s head” Trixie retorted. “So calm down and just read out the instructions again.”
“Oh, to Tartarus with this!” Discord shouted defiantly. He snapped a talon rather aggressively, with a level of sass not seen since that time Celestia had found a hair in her cinnamon babka and thrown up.
In an instant, the sails and masts were all in position. Unfortunately for Discord, he had forgotten one crucial element to making a ship move. Well, forward at least. With a creak, the hull of their ship began to splinter and give way to the blustery winds roaring through the sails. In a comically quick manner, the ship suddenly turned onto its side, knocking everypony into the water.
“Help! Trixie can not swim!” Trixie cried out. Luckily, Starlight came to her rescue, using her magic to lift the four of them out of the water. “T-thank you, Starlight.”
Her best friend blushed. “Don’t mention it…”
“Hey, Discord?” Twilight said, grabbing his attention.
“Hm?”
“... You forgot the anchor.”
With a sigh, Discord snapped his talons again. The ship was, for the time, back to normal with no wear and tear, this time with the anchor raised. “So it would seem…”
“Alright,” Twilight continued as their ship began to ever so slowly leave port. “We’re off!”
“Um, to where, exactly?” Starlight inquired.
“...”
“You don’t know, do you?” Discord asked, dramatically dragging his lion’s paw down his face in frustration. “Oh, for hay’s sake, let me see the letter,” he demanded.
Reaching back into her satchel, Twilight grabbed it between her teeth and pulled it free. Turning back to Discord, she dropped it into his waiting paw.
“Twilight, it says Las Pegasus right here on the note,” Discord replied with a groan, smacking his face yet again. “Did you not read the entire note?”
“I did!” Twilight exclaimed. “But the grammar and syntax were just so terrible that I couldn’t focus on anything but wanting to fix their mistakes!”
“Not to mention you read it three and a half years ago when the last chapter of this fiction was written…” Discord muttered under his breath. “Seriously, can we get some narrative going in here?”
It had been a few hours since the crew had taken off, and it was already nearing dusk. Discord was off doing things that would most likely cause insurmountable amounts of inconvenience while the rest of the group was busy drinking grog and telling nonsensical stories, as one does aboard a ship.
“So then I told her, ‘The jerk store called, and they’re all out of you!’” Trixie exclaimed. Twilight and Starlight joined her in their uproarious laughter.
“Oh come on, Trixie!” Starlight exclaimed between chuckles. “We all know you’re the all time best-seller!”
They all erupted into a fit of laughter once more. Laughter that was broken up as the ship suddenly lurched forward and they heard an enormous thud, followed by the crunching of broken wood planks.
“Sorry!” Discord called out from the bow of the ship. “I wanted some ice in my martini, but I made the cubes too big and they may or may not have been an iceberg instead! An iceberg that the starboard side of the ship felt the need to say hello to.”
Twilight immediately stood up. “Discord!”
