The Big Book of Instructions

by Arbarano

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2355

Twilight's newest method of learning seems a little... hooves-on.

This is it. Twilight has set aside a whole day for fun, fun, fun, and her newest instruction book is going to show her exactly how to do it.

Published 2012-07-12 21:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-12 21:54:02 UTC

Twilight's Fun Day

“Right… ‘Before starting, do one final check to make sure that your preparations are in order. This includes all necessary cleaning and warming mentioned in earlier steps. Once you have finished this, you are ready to begin.’”

Yes!

Today was going to be so great! She’d already been practicing for this for the past few days, and, even if it had cost her several hours’ sleep, it was completely worth it. Who would have known how enjoyable this would be?

She was almost shaking with excitement!

Wait…

She put a hoof to her chest, and drew in several deep breaths. Calm down, Twilight. Even if you’re excited to be doing this, you can’t let it get away from you. The instruction book is there for a reason.

Satisfied with herself, she sighed and let out a happy little smile. She had every reason to, after all; it wasn’t every day she got to look forward to a whole day filled with fun, fun, and more fun!

Still smiling, Twilight surveyed her preparations, and couldn’t stop her expression from growing even wider. Being here since the crack of dawn had really paid off. Everything was in its place, ready for the day ahead.

Perfect.

“Twilight?”

Twilight looked up from her book and over to the door, where Spike stood with a cocked eyebrow.

“Yes, Spike?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help? Pinkie already showed me how to do some of this last week. I could save you some time so you get to the important stuff quicker.”

“No no, Spike, I’m fine. This is my first time doing anything like this, and I want to make sure that everything goes to plan and is kept on schedule, and this book,” she lifted it up for emphasis, “will give me the best chance of doing so!”

She gently placed the book back down, and eyed it for a moment like Fluttershy would one of her baby birds. No, wait, that was a little too… odd. Not that Fluttershy was odd for being so careful and tender with her animal friends, but they often needed it, being so small and fragile compared to ponies. They could be easily hurt. It wasn’t physically possible to hurt a book, obviously, since they weren’t alive.

But books could still be damaged, and every book in her library was a precious source of knowledge or fun, or both in this case. Hence why the Big Book of Instructions currently lay under a protective bubble of tiny, barely-visible purple sparkles.

That’s too excessive, is it? she thought, frowning for a moment. There was plenty of potential for messes to be made during her fun.

“Hmm, I don’t know…”

Jerked out of her thoughts, Twilight looked back at Spike, and couldn’t stop herself from smiling softly. How could she, with his big, wide, soft eyes looking at her with nothing but concern?

“Oh, Spike…” she shook her head but kept smiling. “I know you’re worried about me, but, honestly, I can manage. If there’s anything you know I can do, it’s learn things from books, right?” She grinned.

It was countered with a smirk of his own. “Well, that’s true.”

“See?!”

She stopped herself. Maybe letting her excitement back into her voice, and her almost-manic grin back out of its cage wasn’t the best way to convince him. She slipped back into her usual smile. “Now, I’ll need you to run the counter while I get on back here. Can I count on you for that?”

His eyes lit up, and she had to hold back a chuckle. “Sure thing, Twilight,” he said, saluting her and giving her his most trustworthy smile.

“Aw… thanks, Spike; there’s a reason why you’re my Number One Assistant!”

With a proud smile, and a giddy giggle that Twilight filed away for future reference, Spike left the room. Twilight was now alone. With her book. And with her fun, fun, fun lying just minutes away!

Grinning again, and feeling the excitement buzz through her from tip of ear to bottom of hoof, she began to read from her book. “Now, let’s see… ‘Step One: Preparing the Essentials’…”

“… ‘Step Fourteen: The Knot.’”

“Twilight?”

“Is something wrong, Spike? Is there a customer at the counter with a special order?”

“No… it’s just…”

“Spike?”

“Well… are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“Oh, Spike, I told you to stop worrying—”

“I know, Twilight, but this is what Pinkie showed me last week. Well, one of the things she showed me, anyway.” He chuckles to himself. “And my claws are gonna be better at tying those knots than your hooves… Uh, no offence!”

The sound of little magical tingles fills the air. “Forgetting something, Spike?”

“Oh… right… I’ll be at the counter in case you need me!”

“I’m sure I won’t, Spike!”

Spike groaned and let his head thud against the desk. There were worse things he could have done, but he still ended up rubbing his nose fro his troubles.

Maybe Twilight won’t mind if I read a comic… he thought, scanning the nearby shelf that he had prepared just for such an emergency. A shiny new issue of Filly Fighter brought him back for a second look. It’s not like anypony else is going to come in soon…

Spike took a glance at the clock, and nearly jumped off his stool.

She’s been in there how long?

From over his shoulder, he heard Twilight’s voice, and she sounded almost out of breath. “Whew! I didn’t realise it would get so hot in here! I think I need to open a window!”

Spike slotted his claws together, smirking caddishly. It was the same smirk that the stallions in the romance novels Rarity checked out used, and he’d learnt the word especially. Yeah, she’s not gonna’ mind.

“… ‘Step Twelve: Taste Test. This is slightly more complex than the action would have you believe. Due to the unique properties of the juice involved, there is no ideal comparison to another food.’”

“Twilight?”

“Ugh… Let me guess, Spike. Pinkie showed you how to do this step, too?”

“Uh, it’s not that…”

“Well? What else is there? Is it a customer, this time?”

“No…”

“Spike? Is something bothering you?”

“Um… a little…”

“You’re not upset with me, are you?” Her voice wobbled for just a moment. “I-I’m sorry for keeping you out of this, Spike—”

“What? No, it’s not that Twilight. Trust me, I’m fine for you to do this on your own.”

“Really?” Her tone brightened. “Then what is wrong?”

“Well… you’re being kinda’ noisy, Twilight. I can’t concentrate on my own book when you’re being so loud in here, you know?”

“Oh… Sorry about that, Spike. I’ll try to keep it down from now on.”

“Thanks.”

“Now… where was I… Aha! ‘However, while no comparison can be made, this rhyme works just as well: Whether tangy or sweet, a smile on your lips means that this is a treat.’”

Spike flipped the page, burying his nose into the next sequence of four-colour pictures. He couldn’t even contain his grin, anymore; this segment was just so cool!

She’s already fought off a ton of mule-mooks, leapt off a hundred-foot building without even ruffling her fur, and she’s just told Emperor Silver Wing where he can stick his plan for Equestrian domination! Is there anything Filly Fighter’s afraid of?

He looked at the next box, where the little filly was busily knocking down a whole squadron of stallions like they were made of straw, with kicks and upper-cuts and head-butts and lunges so awesome they made the whole boxes fill with bright lines like explosions and bolded ‘KAPOW!’s.

WOW!

“… ‘Though this may cause a bit of a mess at the moment, it will save you a world of aches and pains later on’…”

And that just had to take the edge off of that moment…

Spike looks around, his brows creasing in his annoyance. This was the first time he’d heard Twilight in what felt like an hour; of course it would come and interrupt one of the best moments. And he quickly found out why.

He didn’t know exactly how it had happened, though it might have had something to do with Twilight opening a window on quite a windy day, but the door back to her had come open.

“… ‘Lightly coat the area with your chosen lubricant’…”

He leaned over, and pushed it closed, letting out a smile as he heard a faint click. Now he could return to the amazing adventures of Filly Fighter in peace.

Before he let himself fall back into the world of the comic, though, Spike noticed just how orange the sky was. He sighed. She can’t be in there for much longer…

“… ‘Maintain a strong grip, and push firmly to release load of cream. Carefully line Slot A, as seen in Figure Thirteen, before moving to Hole B.’…”

“Twilight? Are you done yet?”

“Almost, Spike! … And… Now I am!”

Twilight sighed deeply but quickly, and wiped a hoof across her forehead. She took a few more heavy breaths, but these did nothing to stop her from smiling widely.

“Well, it took a lot of hard work, but I can safely say that I am finished!”

And it had been a lot of work, with a fair number of mishaps despite her preparations. Off the top of her head, Twilight could easily recall gaps being too narrow and holes being too small, as well as a couple of times when her equipment failed her partway through a step, requiring a recharge of magical energy. And there was the mountain of mess that she made the first time she tried to fill her holes with cream.

But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t all worth it. Entirely. Completely. Wholly.

Twilight took a long draught of air, and with it the sweet, delectable scent of her day’s labour: the tables full of cakes that she had baked!

There were those sweet little éclairs that Rarity had always goaded herself into eating during Pinkie’s parties, but actually turned out to be ridiculously difficult to make. The mix had to end up just flaky enough to give the correct texture, but any more flaky than that and the whole éclair could collapse. Or the cream cavity would simply burst the moment Twilight encountered resistance through her nozzle. Quite how Pinkie had the patience to make those so often completely escaped her. Still, she had persevered, and was now presented with a whole platter of the soft, thin slices that smelt of pure paradise.

And, now that she thought about it, at least they were only the most difficult thing to make. The elephants’ feet, despite needing to be even more crumbly and light than the éclairs, proved themselves to be far more in line with her book’s instructions. She only managed to ruin one of these, and that was when she came around to adding the cream, and accidentally flicked back to the instructions for éclairs. Once she had gotten around that problem, there was no halting Twilight’s progress, until she ended up with a whole parade of them, all wafting the smell of their chocolate icing towards her, drawing her ever closer to their goodness…

There were also the trays filled quite literally to bursting with individual muffins and cupcakes. She’d found these the easiest things on the list to actually bake, and had then been able to spend hours upon hours with a huge smile on her face as she squeezed icing into ever more intricate patterns. Simple splodges with other sweets added on top; swirls and spirals of all different colours, sure to offer a fantastic blend of flavours like cherry and apple and banana and all other sorts; circles within circles of all different colours but only one flavour, Zapp Apple, which sent Twilight’s mouth watering the moment she caught even the slightest whiff of it…

Dear Celestia… I might be turning into Pinkie, at this rate!

Twilight brought a hoof to her chest, and waited until her frantic breathing steadied before going any closer. While she waited, she couldn’t help but think of Pinkie’s offer. She smiled wistfully.

It’s going to be a long week without you, Pinkie, but I can’t thank you enough for asking Mr and Mrs Cake to let me do this!

Who really would have known that baking would be so much fun?

The sound of steps to her side pulled her out of her reverie, and she knew at once who it would be.

“So, what do you think, Spike?”

Twilight smiled at him, and he returned it with a massive grin, complete with sparks dancing across his eyes. “Wow! These look amazing, Twilight!”

Twilight chuckled. “So… I could handle myself on my first try, right?”

“I’ll say!” Spike slowly began to step towards the tables, a claw outstretched. “These look… delicious…”

Twilight laughed again, this time shaking her head. “Sorry, Spike,” she said, wrapping him up in her magic and plucking him off the ground. She could almost feel the guilt welling up inside her as he kept grabbing for the deserts. Almost. “These are for paying customers only, Spike. These are the Cakes’ cakes, remember?”

Spike laughed as he landed, and smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, you’re right, Twilight…” Then he looked back out the door to the front of the shop, his eyes twitching almost… nervously. “About that…”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow at him, feeling her nerves rise again. “What is it, Spike?”

Spike looked straight at her. “Weren’t these supposed to be sold today?”

Twilight looked at the cakes, and the honey-glazed doughnuts, and the giant wedding cake that sat in the corner, and then straight over them to the open window. Through it, she could see that the formerly light-blue expanse of the sky with barely a cloud had been swapped for a much darker tone, though one peppered with intricately-patterned stars, and where the moon loomed massive and mocking.

“Correct.”