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"Now, where did I put that cheese grater?"
Author's Note
I'm sure when you saw that title you thought the new Austreoh book had just been released. I'm sorry to disappoint you.
It's actually an acronym for the real title of the story that was just too long to actually use. It's based off of this band, actually: Link to the band!
Here it is, though:
Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside The Infected Maggot Infested Womb Of A Molested Nun Dying Under The Roof Of A Burning Church While A Priest Watches And Ejaculates In Immense Perverse Pleasure Over His First Fresh Fetus
"Now, where did I put that cheese grater?"
Ahh, Family Day in Ponyville.
A time for remembering the important things in life: Family, friendship, love and so on. A time where you go outside and fill your nostrils with the scent of fresh air. The leaves pepper the streets and walkways with their dappled orange and red tones, adding a sense of life to the soon to be barren wasteland of winter.
However, there was one aspect of Family Day that was more important than all the others.
Food.
Yes, food was as much a staple of this holiday as anything else you could think of, if not even more so. Freshly baked rolls, steaming out of the oven, wafting their scent through the house. Delectable desserts that even the most picky of palates can pleasantly peruse. And let’s not forget the honey glazed hay that is an absolute icon of this day of giving and thanks. After all, what better way to show your appreciation for life than by beating the absolute shit out of the soccer mom trying to take the last mound of hay from the grocery store.
Ahh, yes, ‘tis a time most glorious indeed.
This was a fact brought to the forefront of the mind of Rainbow Dash as she was putting the finishing touches on her Family Day creation.
“Just a pinch of sugar and salt and… Bingo!” Rainbow Dash smiled brightly at the bowl of ingredients in front of her. “Everyone at the Family Day feast tonight is gonna be so proud!”
As per the usual, Twilight had invited all of her closest friends over to share in a banquet, each one tasked with providing a hoof-made dish of their own. Spike was the only exception, as Family Day implied you had to have a family, which he does not.
Rainbow Dash took it upon herself to provide the sweet rolls this year, and she’d be darned if they didn’t come out to perfection.
“Alright now, let’s see what else we need.” Rainbow’s eyes scanned the cookbook laying on the counter with great ferocity and fierce determination. “Oh, shoot, I need yeast! One teaspoon!”
The pegasus pony perused the cupboards with primal power, possibly punching plates in the process. No yeast here, no yeast there. Where’s the yeast? There’s the yeast! Oh wait, that’s not yeast.
As she opened and slammed cabinet after cabinet, she could feel her soul sink into her chest. She didn’t have yeast. And since it was a holiday, every store would be closed.
Rainbow’s feathered wings drooped to the ground, followed quickly by her heart.
“I can’t believe this! These were supposed to be perfect! They need to be perfect for Twilight, especially since she’s hosting this whole shindig while under a nasty case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome,” the blue pegasus said.
That was when a notion struck her. She sniffed the air and caught a huge whiff of fresh Alaskan Cod. However, it was not fish she was smelling, but her own vaginal crevice. “That’s it!”
Rainbow reached a hoof behind her and scraped it across her sexual vortex. When her hoof returned to her line of sight, a hopeless amount of stringy, yellow goo chunks were plastered all over it. She took a solid sniff to verify the authenticity and if her gag reflex was any clue, she was right in her assumption.
“My yeast infection! That’s the perfect substitute!” Rainbow immediately glanced around at her surroundings. “Now where did I put that cheese grater?”
After a few moments of searching her puffy cloud home, Rainbow Dash managed to spot it, nestled between two cans of peaches. Peaches so good you could write home about them. That would be a story for another time, though.
The next step was to find an empty bowl for the fresh ingredient, something Rainbow was quick to do. Without a second thought, the mare positioned herself above the shiny receptacle, cheese grater in hoof. This was the moment she had been waiting for all year, where all of her dreams would come to fruition. However, as the boastful mare put the grater into position, it was very cold to the touch, almost unbearably so.
She had to steel herself. This was for Family Day. The fact that her vagina was the loosest in town would also be helpful, meaning she would have greater access to the goods she so craved. Rainbow Dash ran the cheese grater across her slammed canyon with great care, so as to get only the bits of gooey discharge, all the while doing her best to avoid any flakes of the dried up semen she wanted all for herself. Those could come out when she had her leftovers.
Still, Rainbow Dash looked down only to be greeted with a heaping pile of disappointment. She imagined this was how Twilight felt every time she looked in Spike’s direction. Sure, a few strings of discharge had landed daintily in the bowl, but the amount was very underwhelming.
“That’s it!” She exclaimed, speeding up her grating. She didn’t care anymore just what landed in the bowl, as long as discharge was an ingredient of this chaos. Her clit was the first to go, tearing free of its hostess violently, a thin spray of blood shooting outwards from where it used to be. The counters dripped with blood and odor of a thousand unwashed period creampies. Of course, the grating only caused that blood to spread out further every time the cheese grater passed over it, giving Rainbow Dash a nice red coat.
Still, she grated away. As bits of dried up cum, rapidly increasing clots of blood, and even that vibrator she had lost in there last Hearth’s Warming Eve fell into the bowl, she found herself aroused at the thought of how great this meal was truly going to be.
Suddenly, she stopped.
“Oh, hay, I forgot the eggs!”
This called for a quick trip to a friend’s house. But who would still have eggs at this time? Rainbow Dash pondered the question for a few moments before settling on the most likely candidate.
“That’s right, Fluttershy would have some eggs! She’s always got the good stuff.”
Rainbow Dash zoomed out of her home, trying to reach her destination as quick as possible. There was little time to waste, after all.
As she grazed the skyline, she left a trail of blood, semen and torn fur chunks in her wake. It was a testament to her patriotism as the red, white and blue discharge landed on the townsponies below.
When she finally arrived, she pounded on the door with the force of a thousand jackhammers. “Fluttershy! It’s an emergency! Open up!”
Her ear twitched as she heard the delicate pitter-patter of Fluttershy’s hooves crossing the floor toward the door. She cracked it open and got a big smile on her face. “Oh, Rainbow! It’s so good to see you. Are you ready for the Family Day feast tonight?”
Rainbow shook her head. “Almost, but there’s no time for greetings right now. I need your help with the last ingredient. I need eggs!”
“O-oh. Well, I actually just sold the last of my eggs to Daisy. She needed them for a cake she was bringing to the event.”
Rainbow Dash’s heart dropped, and the mare drooped to the ground. “Shoot, now I’ll never be able to make the perfect Family Day meal.”
“I’m sorry, Rainbow,” Fluttershy apologized, frowning. Rainbow Dash looked up at her friend. As her eyes grazed Fluttershy’s abdomen, an idea struck her. Maybe there was still a chance?
“I have an idea,” Rainbow Dash said, shooting up.
“Oh? What is—” Fluttershy was cut off as Rainbow Dash slammed the cheese grater into her face, scraping it up and down against her. She tried, but couldn’t speak as Rainbow kept slamming the grater down onto her cranium. Blood flew everywhere, even an eyeball eventually found its way into the air, where it was swiftly grabbed and consumed by one of Fluttershy’s many parakeets.
Eventually, once the twitching and squirming died down, Rainbow Dash dropped the grater to the floor with a clank. Fluttershy’s living room was a scene of devastation. Blood and fur covered the walls, but Rainbow Dash didn’t care about any of that. She had a mission to accomplish. It was Family Day, after all.
Pulling out the butcher knife she had prepared for just this moment, the sky blue pegasus carefully punctured her still-breathing friend’s abdomen. Fluttershy watched with her lone eye in abject horror as Rainbow cut an incision leading towards her never-before touched flower. Once the line was finished, the speedy pony used her hooves to rip her friend open. Getting to her goal was going to be a difficult task, one that would truly test her faith to Family Day.
With nary a care in the world, Rainbow Dash moved her timid friend’s internal organs aside. Intestines splayed out across Fluttershy’s hind legs, and her stomach churned sickeningly as Rainbow forcefully moved it out of her way. After a few moments, she finally made it to her goal. With a tug, she ripped the objects she so needed free.
“These are perfect,” she said, joy dripping from every syllable. “And I doubt anypony has ever had a cake made from real pony eggs,” she continued, looking at the ovaries she had stolen from her friend.
With a dash, she left the home, and Fluttershy, to their fate.
Rainbow Dash laughed with merriment as the plates of food were spread around the table to the group of friends. Hay, cheese, wine and of course, her hoof-made sweet bread.
“Alright, everypony, dig in!”
Nary a second passed before everyone bit into their feast. Rainbow, for her part, not wanting to waste Fluttershy’s sacrifice, bit into her bread immediately. It was yummier than she could possibly imagine.
“By the way,” Twilight spoke up once more. “Has anyone seen Fluttershy? I hoped she’d be able to make it.”
Rainbow nodded. “I saw her. She didn’t have the stomach to be here tonight, but if we all enjoy the bread she helped me create, I’m sure we’ll have a piece of her here with us.”
Everypony nodded and bit into their bread.
Family Day… What a beautiful time of year.
