Career Advice

by Syeekoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Granny Smith
Length: 1390

Granny Smith gives some advice to a passerby selling novelty steaks.

A certain individual tries to sell Granny Smith novelty steaks, but doesn’t expect the old coot to have some tricks up her sleeve.

Published 2017-07-09 19:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-09 19:10:07 UTC

Can’t outfox a fox like her

Granny Smith was cleaning the kitchen when she heard a knock at the door. She moved to call out for someone to get it until she remembered that everyone else was busy―Applejack was out on some friendship quest, Apple Bloom was off helping someone with cutie mark or whatever nonsense she was on, and Big Mac was off with that floozy Sugar Belle or whatever her name was.

She sighed. As long as they’re happy, I guess. Granny ambled towards the door and opened it to see some kind of big bug-lookin’ pony thing wearing a blazer with a knapsack slung over its back, as well as a smile that was schemin’ to pull one over on her.

Granny rolled her eyes. “Get on with it so I can ask ya to leave.”

The smiled faded from the bug-thing’s face. “Well, that’s not very neighborly―”

“Ya ain’t my neighbor. Yer looking to hock some worthless junk on me that I’ll instantly regret buyin’. Now go on with your spiel so I can politely ask ya to leave.”

The bug-pony’s eyes darted left and right. She, judging by the timber of her voice, wasn’t expecting this kind of reaction, which drew a smirk from Granny’s face. “Weren’t expecting some ol’ coot to see right through yer game, were ya?”

“Actually, uh, I was kind of expecting you to cower in fear instantly and buy something so I’d leave.”

Granny put a hoof to her chin and looked to the side. “Well, that’s no way to run an honest business.” She looked at her intruder. “Tell me, what’s yer name?”

“Um, Kris?”

Kris’s comment drew a chuckle from Granny. “I suppose that’s good enough. Mine’s Granny. Now why don’t you come in fer some tea?” she said as she turned around and walked inside of her home.

“W-what?” Kris asked before shaking her head. “You’re not terrified of my mere appearance?”

“Please.” Granny snickered. “It’d take more than some scary looking bug thing to scare this ol’ hag out of her withers.” She turned back. “So you comin’ in? I ain’t askin’ again.”

Granny’s insistence was rewarded by the shuffling of hoofsteps behind her. “Take a seat here,” she said as she trotted into the kitchen and pulled a teapot out from one the the cabinets with her mouth. She heard the movement of a chair as she set the kettle in the sink and turned the water on.

“Um… Granny, do you need any help?” Kris asked as she tapped on the table. “It looks like―”

“Nonsense,” she said as the pot filled up and she moved it to the stove. “Nothing these old bones can’t handle that a youngin’ like yours can’t,” she said as she turned the heat on before pulling out a chair across from Kris. Celestia, was she ugly. Although she supposed a young buck might have the same thoughts looking at her ancient face. Beauty’s only skin deep, after all. “So,” Granny asked, “‘what got you into the, uh―”

“Novelty steaks,” Kris said, the smile reappearing on her face.

“Pardon?”

A green glow opened up Kris’s knapsack and pulled out what looked like a fresh hunk of meat. “Novelty steaks!” she said as she moved it closer to Granny’s face. “A macabre, yet interesting addition to any living room! Great for a conversation starter.”

Granny grabbed the steak and perused it up and down, the plastic smile never leaving Kris’s face.

Kris watched Granny examine the steak. “Is there an issue?”

A breath escaped from Granny’s nostrils. “This here’s fake.”

“Well,” Kris said as she clapped her hooves together, “that’s why it’s a novelty steak! Also,” Kris said with a light snicker, “could you imagine the stench of having to carry around actual steaks in my unrefrigerated knapsack, in addition to how angry the cow population would be if we sold actual steaks to ponies?”

“‘’spose that makes sense,” Granny said before she put the steak on the table and slid it back to Kris. “Although it seems to me that yer not very good at being a sales, uh,” she continued before peering at Kris. “Anyway, what are ya?”

Kris bit her lip and looked away. “A, uh… I’m a changeling.”

“Well, then,” Granny said as she leaned back and put a hoof to her mouth. “It seems like you’re not usin’ the right skillset, then.” Granny hummed a bit. “Changelings can change shape, right?”

“You don’t think I’ve explored that avenue?” Kris said as she glared at Granny, “I looked at the paper and there really aren’t any entry-level jobs, or jobs of any sort that would utilize that skillset.”

Granny got out of her chair and headed towards the living room. “If the kettle goes off, could you be a dearie and take it off the stove for me?

“Sure thing.”

Granny found the newspaper she was looking for right as the kettle went off and went back to the kitchen, where Kris had poured the both of them a cup and sat the tea kettle between them. “Well, at least you’re not dumb.”

Kris nodded. “Proactivity is valued in the―”

“Shut up with that tagline nonsense. Now,” Granny said as she folded the paper, “I want you to look at the jobs I listed and see which ones look like ones you can do.”

“Um,” Kris said as she grasped the newspaper, “let’s see here, plumber, no, electrician, no… there’s an opening at the local theater, but I’ve never been very good at acting.” She set the paper down. “Nope, I didn’t see any that fit the bill.”

Granny smirked. “Ya missed one.”

Kris picked up the paper again. “… you don’t mean…” she said as she trailed off.

“Eeyup,” Granny said as she picked up her cup of tea and took a sip.

“I will not engage in that sort of… ignominious activity!” Kris said as her eyes slitted and her mouth sneered. “That is so far beneath my station as to not even be an option.”

Granny took another sip. “Honey, you’re scaring ponies into buying hunks of plastic.”

“B-b-but,” Kris stammered before she slammed the paper down. “It’s lewd! It’s vile! It’s―”

“Perfectly within yer skillset.” Granny set the cup down. “Look, you can change shape into whatever the customer desires.” She let out a mischievous giggle. “Celestia, you don’t even have to pretend to be the pony, just look like ‘em!”

Kris opened her mouth before Granny waved a hoof. “Look, yer obviously out of options and this seems like an expedient way to make a lot of cash quick to get you on yer feet.”

“But,” Kris said as her cheeks turned white. She looked away, then back at Granny. “I’ll… I’ll look into it.” Kris growled. “But I can’t promise anything.”

Granny picked up her cup and took another sip. “Whatever. It’s your life.”

Kris exhaled slowly, then took a practiced sip of tea. Granny noticed the changeling avoiding eye contact with her as they both alternated sipping their tea for the next ten minutes as the sounds of birdsong accompanied the awkward silence.

They both finished their tea, which led to a pregnant pause. “Well, like I said, I suppose I could look into it.” Kris got out of the chair. “Thanks for the advice.”

Granny waved at her as she left the house, whereupon Applejack walked in with a very worried look on her face. “Granny, I hope I didn’t see what I just saw.”

“What did you just see?” Granny asked with a devilish grin on her face.

Applejack looked back. “It looks like,” she said as she faced Granny, “it looks like I just saw Queen Chrysalis walk out of the farm.”

“Then it’s just as it looks like,” Granny said before she waved a hoof to stop Applejack’s next words, “but before you say anything, I think I may have just convinced our lovely Queen to take up a career in prostitution.”

“Um,” Applejack said before blinking a few times, “I don’t see what’s so bad about that that you’re smiling like you killed her dog.” She inhaled. “Hooking’s a perfectly fine job to have.”

Granny looked outside. “Not to her it ain’t.”

She popped her jaw. That’ll learn you to kidnap my granddaughter.