A cold wind smelling faintly of old decay swept over a small park full of dying trees. Crumpled leaves rustled as the wind passed. Voices could be heard as a slight glow brightened in the middle of the park. Just then, a car appeared and the glow faded.
“What do you think of Elizabeth?”
“She seems okay for a mare with a metal fore-hoof.”
“What do you think happened to her, Uncle Rusty?”
“Who cares, Ricky? I like damaged goods!”
Two ponies stepped out. One was a white-coated unicorn stallion with a spiky gray mane and tail. He was wearing a lab coat.
The other pony, an earth-pony colt with an auburn mane and tail, stared at the vista in the distance. “That's one creepy castle, Uncle Rusty.”
Rusty looked up. “Damn, old Walt really let the place go. I wonder if any of the E-Ticket rides work?”
“Um, I don’t think this is Disney World.”
“Yeah, kid, you’re right. Lemme check the Multidimensional Guide.”
A few moments later, Uncle Rusty started to curse. “Damn expansion pack! All it says is Lothric.”
“Lothric? What’s that?”
Rusty started hitting buttons. The red glow from the dashboard covered his face. “Don’t know. I don't like it here. Best to get this car going before nightfall.”
Ricky looked around. It seemed like the trees were clawing at the sky. The cobblestones reminded him of small skulls. There was not much he could look at without feeling a chill race down his back. “Yeah, Uncle Rusty. What do we have to do?”
“Gimme a sec.”
Ricky watched as the leaves shook in one tree. He was sure that it wasn't a breeze. With a grimace, he looked away from the park and back at the Universe-Mobile. It looked like a normal station wagon, but the space inside seemed to shrink or expand on demand, somehow.
Uncle Rusty looked up at Ricky from the dashboard. “Okay kid,” he said, “I need some metal. Go get me some and we can be out of here.”
Ricky nodded. The park had a black-metal fence around it, but it looked ancient and pitted. He figured it was too messed up to use. There was a path that led out of the park and over a bridge, towards a castle that loomed up in the darkening sky.
With a sigh, he set off along the path. His hooves clopped on the cobblestones as the cold wind blew. Other than that, it was quiet. Too quiet. No birds chirped. Ricky wondered what sort of place didn't have birds.
He thought about one of the worlds he’d visited, where the birds had turned against the ponies. Ricky looked up into the black, abyssal sky to see if a cloud of sharp-taloned death was waiting to swoop down and savage him. Nope - the sky was clear.
He turned his gaze back to the path ahead. It led to a staircase which passed over dark flowing stuff he was sure wasn't water. Ricky cantered to the bridge and noticed a pole with figures on it. When he got close, he saw that they were impaled by a metal rod.
Ricky tore his gaze away from the sight and kept it straight on the path that led up to the bridge. Up ahead, there was a skeletal creature standing at the middle of the bridge. He slowly walked up to it and tried to go past. Then it spoke.
“Mary Kate, sooon you will be thin enough for me! Those sunken eyes... Oooh yesss.”
Before Ricky could take another step, the creature whipped around and stuck its halberd in his face. He saw a few cleaved hairs drift from his muzzle and float to the ground.
The creature raised its halberd. “A pony? Hmm. My contract doesn't mention one of those. Unarmed, too.”
Ricky stepped back. “Hey, that was kinda close.”
The creature stood up a bit straighter. “Well, I am a professional. A century of guarding this bridge and stopping interlopers gives one confidence and skill.”
Ricky peered at the creature. It seemed to be a skeleton, because of its whitish coloring, but the strange being had some sort of parchment-thin skin stretched over its bones. Also, the creature was wearing some sort of cloak that seemed more like a collection of black rags. The weapon it wielded looked new and clean, like it had been forged that very second. “Your halberd looks new.”
The creature smiled or grimaced, Ricky couldn't tell. “Well, that is a wonderful complement. This halberd is quite old, but I keep it in such fine condition. Now, enough about me and my weapon. What about you, pony?”
Ricky stepped back again. “Um, what about me?”
The creature sighed. “Well, what am I going to do with you? My contract states that I have to stop interlopers from entering the castle grounds. You aren't Hollow, so I could let you pass.”
Ricky nodded. “Hollow?”
“Without a soul. I can tell you got one, but I'm not sure what to do with it.”
Ricky stepped back once again. “Um, I just need a piece of metal.”
The creature made a creaky noise. Ricky saw that its body shook. “Are you okay?”
The creature creaked again. “Well now, I haven't laughed for quite a while. Look around, pony. Do you think that you can find anything that isn't decaying?”
Ricky didn't want to look around. He didn't like what he saw earlier and things probably hadn't improved since then. “The name's Ricky, and I would like to pass.”
The creature looked up. “Well now, I could let you pass, but I might be breaching the contract. And that's less than good. Hmm...”
Ricky had been on a bunch of different worlds and knew that bribery was almost a constant. “How about I give you something?”
The creature recoiled like Ricky stuck a flaming torch in its face. “No. I don't like being bribed.”
Ricky sighed. The sun would set soon, and he didn't want to be in this place when it got dark. “How about a gift? Your contract doesn't have anything on ponies, right? So, there are no rules about accepting gifts from ponies, right?”
The creature looked around. “You know what? I’ll take a ‘gift’ if you don’t mind. I doubt you are capable of mass destruction.”
Ricky sighed. Too bad, the skeletal creature didn’t know about the moon people in another universe that got wiped out just by accident. One little sneeze. “No problem, let me see what I have.”
The creature nodded. “You give me something nice and I'll let you go up this path three times. After that, we will have to fight.”
Ricky started hoofing through his saddlebags for items. The creature just shook its head when the items were shown. At the bottom of his saddlebags, he found a shoe.
Ricky presented it and was surprised when the creature's voice sounded in his ear. “Ohh, yes. I like the stitch work, and the color of the leather there.”
The stench of the creature's breath made Ricky wobble on his hooves. “You want this shoe?” The creature nodded vigorously. “Why do you want a leather shoe? Steel or iron sabots would be better.”
The creature stood up. “Armor would give me more protection, but as you can see, I don't wear armor. That will only slow me down. Also, metal shoes are hell on bony feet. These cold decaying cobblestones aren't much better either.”
Ricky nodded. He checked the saddlebags again. That was it, one shoe. “Let me go back to my uncle and see if he has the other one.”
The creature nodded. “Tick tock! You don't want to be out here at night. I don't want to be out here at night either.”
Ricky glanced at the setting sun. “Why not?”
“The Bosses let loose the Hounds. Horrid creatures who like to rape, eat and piss on things. Not in that order though. If they find you, it will be quite unpleasant. They can't do much to me, that's against their contract, but their piss is corrosive and sometimes they leave puddles. I had a buddy who stepped in one and now we call him Stumpy. In the morning, the rising sun boils away anything the foul beasts leave behind.”
Ricky's eyes widened. “He lost his foot?”
The creature creaked again. “He lost his feet, legs, most of his torso and his hands. He kinda sunk into the puddle. Now run along, and get me that other shoe!” Ricky nodded and galloped back to the UniverseMobile.
When Ricky returned, Uncle Rusty was fussing with a bunch of cardboard boxes. He didn't look up.
“Uncle Rusty, I need another fancy leather shoe.”
“Kid, do I look like a Fhorseheim store?”
Ricky wrinkled his nose.
Uncle Rusty sighed. “Really, kid? You never heard of Fhorseheims?”
Ricky shook his head.
“Well, they were a store that was around for a while. I remember getting my first fancy shoes there, when I was a colt.”
Ricky smiled. “Was that when the dinosaurs ruled?”
“Seriously, the eggheads got it wrong. Heavy smoking killed the dinos. Not a freakin meteor. You have no idea what a wheezing T-Rex sounds like. Once you hear that sound, you'll never forget it!”
Ricky looked at the setting sun. “Um, Uncle Rusty?”
Uncle Rusty looked up. “Sorry kid, don't have an extra shoe in the car. You better hoof it!” Ricky galloped back the way he came, but before he reached the bridge, he saw an interesting sight.
A knight in dark armor was sitting in front of a fire. Ricky moved carefully up to the warm flames.
The knight turned and peered at him. “What? A pony? Well, you're unarmed and probably not a threat. ”
Ricky flinched. “Probably not a threat? No, I'm definitely not a threat.”
The knight nodded. “Good. I got this sword, Hell Razor, just for the abomination on the bridge.” Then he pulled the sword out of its scabbard.
Ricky looked at the black blade, and noticed it didn't reflect the surroundings. “Well, it should like the gift.”
The knight laughed. “Yes, I will gift it right in the gut! You aren't going to help that creature, right pony?”
Ricky shook his head. “No, I'm armless, remember? Can I ask you a question?”
The knight nodded.
“Why did you come here in winter?”
The knight laughed. “Really, pony? This is summer.”
Ricky flinched.
The knight got up and walked up the path toward the bridge.
Ricky followed a few steps behind. He didn't want to get in the way when the fighting started.
He expected some sort of witty banter when the knight reached the creature, but the fight was pretty quiet other than steel hitting armor or blade. Ricky was surprised to see how bad the knight was at parrying or dodging.
Eventually, the knight dodged in the wrong direction, and the ground was splattered by blood when his neck met the creature’s halberd. Ricky looked away as the headless body fell to the ground with a loud metallic ringing.
The creature shouted, “Yess!”
Ricky walked up and tried to avoid the pools of blood.
Then the creature picked up the knight's sword. “Too bad I didn't have a basket.”
“Why?”
“Well, so I could get ahead, of course.”
Ricky sighed.
“What?”
Ricky looked away. “You know that was terrible.”
The creature looked at Ricky. “Perks are few here.”
“That's Hell Razor.”
The creature nodded. “Yes, I've heard about it. Such a blade would've given me quite a thumpin’ if the newb had been able to hit me. I see it all the time: the inexperienced get super powerful weapons to try and beat me, but their lack of skill betrays them.” The creature stood up straighter. “They shoulda got gud!”
Ricky looked at the blade. “What are you going to do with it?”
The creature shrugged. “I have no need for such a blade.” It presented the blade to Ricky hilt first. “For you pony.”
Ricky bowed. “Um, thank you.”
The creature bowed. “Name's Jennifer.”
Ricky wrinkled his nose. “Jenni-”
Jennifer peered closely at Ricky. “Is there a problem?”
Jennifer's tone reminded Ricky of his mother when he said something to piss her off, and she was giving him a chance to clean up.
“Um, no problem Jennifer, thanks for the sword.” Ricky grabbed it with his mouth and cantered down the bridge back to the car.
This time, instead of cardboard boxes, there were several hard drives on the ground. Uncle Rusty was pulling drives out of the car using his telekinesis.
Ricky stopped and managed to talk past the hilt in his mouth. “Uncle Rusty, I got the metal. We can go now.” Uncle Rusty pulled the blade out of Ricky's mouth using another telekinetic beam.
“Nice sword kid. Let's see, yeah. Hell Razor. Nice bit of DLC.”
“So you can do something to it and we can leave?”
“Sorry kid, no can do. I need a Flux Capacitor. Gimme a sec while I scan for one.” Ricky frowned as Uncle Rusty conjured up a view screen and started scanning.
“Yeah, up the path and past the bridge there's an area with one. Once we get that we'll be gone.” Uncle Rusty looked at Ricky's frown. “Sorry kid, I got confused a bit. Now I'm sure we need that.”
“What about the sword?”
“I'll sell the sword and split the profits with you. How does seventy-thirty sound?”
Ricky glared at Uncle Rusty.
“Sorry kid, how about sixty-forty? Get going. I don't want to be here when it gets dark. I promised your parents to have you back early. It's a school night.” Ricky sighed and galloped back up the path.
When Ricky reached the bridge Jennifer was standing right in the middle. “I think you owe me something?”
Ricky nodded. “Oh, yeah, the shoe.” He fished out the shoe and held it up.
Jennifer grabbed it then pointed toward the castle. “You have one trip up and down the bridge, since it's only one.”
Ricky nodded and galloped up the bridge. He passed several pale, seated creatures with hoods. For a moment, he thought about taking a closer look, but the way the setting sun hit their pasty-white skin almost turned his stomach. Also, time was running out. He continued up the path.
The path led through open doors to an enclosed arena-like area with a pool of water in the center. Slumped in the middle was an impaled, armor-wearing giant holding a halberd. Beyond that, Ricky saw a small, pink, glowing object.
He cantered up to the item. It looked like an old-school electrical tube. A moment later, he sighed. This was too easy. Once he touched the flux capacitor, the doors would lock and the fight would begin. Years of playing video games taught him that much. Then again, he didn't have a lot of time. With another sigh, he picked up the device and put it in his saddlebags.
The doors locked with a thunderous boom. Right after that, there was the sound of a blade sliding out of flesh and hitting the water with a splash. He watched as the giant ran toward him. Again he sighed and ducked under the halberd's slash. For a moment, he thought about fighting with his hooves. The mental image of his hooves shattering like glass against his opponent's armor killed that idea. Then he saw a sword lying in the water. It looked like a combination of a spring and a bladed weapon. He ducked another attack, then grabbed the weapon in the water.
Ricky expected that the sword would be heavy, but it wasn't. As he dodged another attack, he realized that it was only a matter of time before he got tired. At least he had a weapon. When the knight jumped at him, he cantered out the way and slashed. Sparks flew as the blade tore into armor.
For a few minutes, he dodged attacks and dove out the way of lunges. When his enemy over-extended himself, Ricky would slash him. It seemed that he had the upper hoof when the knight knelt for a moment. Then the top half of the enemy turned into some sort of black, slimy snake monster.
Ricky screamed past the hilt in his mouth, “No way, not fair!” The creature grew a long, skinny arm and gave him the bird. Things went downhill from there. Unlike the previous version, this creature didn't have a backbone. So the head could move in one direction and the arm could strike from another. He was still able to hit his enemy, but that also made things worse. The black blood that oozed out of the cuts was corrosive. He had to watch his step as he dodged attacks. Every slash he gave his enemy made the ground more dangerous to step on. Also, Ricky was getting tired. So far he was still fighting.
Meanwhile, back at the car, Uncle Rusty was watching the fight on the viewspell.
He shook his head. “Kid's got moves, but he's getting tired. His parents are going to be pretty pissed if I get him killed again. I'd better do something.” Uncle Rusty went back to the car and opened the truck. A silvery box fell out. Rusty smiled for a second. “Hey! I was lookin for that.” He placed the box in his pocket, then used his telekinesis to move the junk in the trunk around. There was a lot of stuff to sift through. He was starting to lose hope when he found a silvery doughnut-shaped object. Every few seconds, a pink mist would surround it.
Rusty smiled. “Yeah, this helped against the guy with the infantoray, let's hope this helps the kid.” He used his telekinesis to flip the object into the viewspell.
Back at the arena, Ricky was beginning to think that he was going to lose. The once light blade was starting to weigh more than it should have, and his neck started to ache. His hooves were barely missing the puddles of corrosive blood. Then a silvery object clattered next to his hooves. Before he could move back, a pink mist surrounded him. He barely fought back the urge to scream, ”Kimmee!”
Then his body changed.
Ricky grew up into a mature, muscular stallion within seconds. Not only that, a surge of confidence filled him. All of the weak points of the enemy that he vaguely guessed at were now as obvious as if they were covered in Day-Glo paint. Richard narrowed his eyes and gave the snake-knight a piercing gaze. Then he ran his hoof across his throat and pointed at his enemy. The creature blinked its shiny-black eyes and flinched.
Richard hefted the sword in his mouth. “Good, bad. I'm the one with the coilsword. Let's dance.” His enemy tried to attack, but he wasn't there. Then the creature tried to dodge and it met his sword. He smiled at the thought that the dance was going to end too soon.
Just when he was about to give the snake a killing blow, the pink mist covered him again. Stallion shrunk back into colt. Ricky fumbled around with a sword that felt like a ten-ton weight. He barely dodged an attack, and swung wildly. Somehow he hit the snake and it turned back to the knight. Unfortunately, he didn't see the change because he was stumbling across the arena while trying not to step in hoof searing blood. Exhaustion was creeping in. His neck was getting so tired. At the last moment, he turned and something hit the sword hard. He let go and moved back.
The sword was stuck into the knight, and it pressed forward until Ricky saw the blade stick out its back. With a splash, the halberd fell into the water. The doors opened with a rumble. For a moment he thought about celebrating, but a hound's howl sent a chill racing down his back. The sky was a dark orange color, and the sun was gone.
Ricky galloped out of the arena. He met Jennifer, who gave him a quick nod while she ran for the castle. Every time his hooves hit the decaying stones, he worried that the Hounds would catch up with him. Finally, he was at the UniverseMobile. Uncle Rusty was standing next to the driver's side looking around.
He stopped and hoofed through his bag for the flux capacitor. “I got it!” A moment later it was in his mouth then it was snatched up and brought to his uncle.
Uncle Rusty shook his head. “Damn, four pevasters instead of three. We can't use this, kid.”
Ricky gulped. “Wait, what? I almost died for that. You told me to get it!”
“No prob kid, we don't need it.”
“Uncle Rusty!”
“Seriously kid, the only time stuff works out like this is in video games. This is reality.”
A howl sounded in the distance. Ricky and Uncle Rusty traded glances.
Uncle Rusty pointed at the car. “Come on kid. Get in the car. You did good. It's a school night, and your parents have been riding me about bringing you back late and tired.”
Ricky frowned. “No! I want to know why I risked my life for junk!”
Uncle Rusty looked at the car. “Really, kid? You're gonna do this now? Come in the car and we can talk. I, um, don't like dogs. We just heard one earlier. I'd rather not see what it looks like.”
Ricky just planted his hooves and glared at Uncle Rusty.
“Fine kid. When we got here, I just wanted to bail as soon as I could. Maybe I should have taken some time to check stuff out at my end. I'm not a fan of dogs. There is just something messed up with canine brains. Please, get your plot in the car! We still have a bunch of stuff to do together, like finding another source of szehorsesan sauce.”
Ricky wrinkled his nose. “Szehorsesan sauce?”
“Yeah kid, it's like the nectar of the alicorns. Really good. I'll share it with you.”
“Um, okay, Uncle Rusty.”
Ricky looked around and cantered to the car. He got in.
Uncle Rusty got in too and locked the doors. “Kid, did I tell you this story about a crazy chihuahua that lived with a cat? That dog had a pretty cool collection of infectious diseases, but stallion was his cat roommate stupid! A bag of hammers were MENSA candidates compared to that idiot feline.”
The car began to glow until it was too bright to look at then it was gone.
Then a scream of anguish came from the castle. “MY LOVELY SHOE, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN IT?”
Author's Note
Edited by PseudoBob Delightus
With assists from Dan The Man