Ship Mist(ake)

by All Art Is Quite Useless

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Random, Pinkie Pie, DJ P0N-3, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 8625

"I've thrown some pretty super parties in my time, but this one must be off the charts, cause two of my besties are finally trying to hook up! Wait, four of them are! Ohmygosh, they're all trying to hook up! ...Maybe this isn't the best party ever."

"I've thrown some pretty super parties in my time, but this one must be off the charts, cause two of my besties are finally trying to hook up! Wait, no, four of them are! Oh my gosh, they're all trying to hook up! ...Maybe this isn't the best party ever after all."

A fun and entertaining party at the Castle of Friendship takes a turn for the awkward (and strange). Rushed, predictable, and very forward romance ensues.

Published 2017-07-13 01:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-13 01:30:06 UTC

In Which Everything Goes Crazy

Twilight stumbled in place, the punch was starting to take its toll. Still, with the repetitive drum beat thudding around her, synths and deep bass thrown in the mix, she might have been able to pass it off as dancing.

Her eyes were caught by a stream of glowing neon light once more, momentarily disorienting her. Vinyl Scratch had really gone all out with the visual effects this time: A polychromatic light show complimented by mirror effects and a smoke machine --dispensing thick rosy mist which coated every surface of the castle's feature room in a delicate sheen-- surrounded her mixing table, and she could be witnessed spinning decks and flipping switches with reckless abandon, her forehooves pressed up against the decks at all times.

Come to think of it, this was the first time Twilight had heard music so intense, so inviting. Of course, she had already been introduced to electronica, but this was different, somehow superior. It was almost as if the hard track with its rapid BPM and skippy rhythm demanded to be paid attention to, danced to even.

If Twilight hadn't already started to lose all inhibitions due to the punch, the next transition sped things along significantly. Twilight noticed the main beat fade out, only the psychedelic synth remaining. The synth's buildup mirrored her inebriated anticipation, drawing her closer to the speakers in the middle of the dancefloor until suddenly, she heard a familiar quote, a sample from the latest Daring Do book's audio reading, and she was grinning like an idiot.

When the beat dropped, she was mesmerised. The quality of the music wasn't really a huge departure from the last track, her logical brain sought to remind her, but inside she was giddy from the reference, and a little drunk.

Throwing logic to the wind, she grew closer to the front of the dancefloor, her body aglow as she began to stomp and skank around with thoughtless elation. Her tail was flouncing, and there were bright lights in her peripherals.

"Yeahhhh, get it Princess!" she heard Vinyl's voice reverberating around her as she magically amplified it, "Twilight's showing you all up! You know right about now we're gonna be bringing you that selection, just keep bringing that fuuunk."

Apparently, this had a profound effect on Rainbow Dash, who had already been bouncing around merrily to the beat, as she sped to the front of the dancefloor alongside Twilight, leaping over a slew of dancers, looking her in the eye with steely determination and throwing down her best moves, incorporating her hooves, wings, and even head once or twice.

Twilight couldn't help but laugh at Rainbow's boisterous display, but proceeded to ramp up her surely terrible (but equally audacious) routine regardless, as impromptu as it was.

Things continued in this manner for minutes, and Twilight couldn't help but admire Rainbow's flexibility, she could definitely dance. Thick clouds of red smoke obscured her vision of Rainbow, but what she did see was all too astounding, almost beautiful in its own way.

Wait... Beautiful? I've been drinking too much. But that wasn't it. Rainbow continued dancing as Twilight stood surrounded by bedlam on all sides, absorbing the scene before her, transfixed by the colours bouncing off Rainbow's soft coat, her firm back muscles, her sweat glistened cutie marks... Okay, jeez, Twilight, get with the programme. You're acting like a silly schoolfilly that just finished her first racy story, this is your friend for Celestia's sake! Twilight looked at her friend. Her athletic, sexy, oblivious friend.

Twilight soon realised that she was physically salivating. She slapped herself across the muzzle. What the hell are you doing--no--thinking?! If Rainbow found out you were thinking like this... A counterargument crossed her mind before she could finish that sentence, Yeahhhh... If she did find out, just what might she do, huh? Twilight resolved to have serious words with herself when this night was over. She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself, and found a foxy grin on her face, which she barely noticed.

But mayyybe have words with Rainbow first. Could it really hurt that much? I mean, she's a mare's mare, right? A mare that likes mares. That chick digs mare flank. Oh, Celestia, why do I drink? Second guessing herself every step of the way, Twilight slowly trotted towards Rainbow, eventually gently tapping her shoulder with a hoof, reveling in the momentary contact, and signifying that they should go somewhere they could hear each other.

***

Vinyl looked down at the strong crowd of raving ponies stampeding in place to her latest banger. She hadn't expected her newest personal playlist, comprised of 36 and a half hours of Drum and Bass, Jungle, Breakbeat, Ragga, Garage and Dubplate, to be so well received, but it had gone down a treat. That, plus the large turnout (for Ponyville) and the energy of the party-goers had turned a fairly routine gig into something pretty exciting. As such, she was giving it her all, and was a little dismayed when her two most bombastic dancers --one of them being Princess Twilight herself-- decided to leave together.

Where the hell's Pinkie when you need her? Vinyl frowned for a second, then imagined the ramifications of the crowd seeing her without a smile on her face. You know what, screw it! Let's crank this baby up. Vinyl allowed two heavy tracks to synchronise before layering pop vocals over one, distorting and looping them as she went, eliciting a decent reaction from the ponies below. When she had segued into the newest track she began to add strings, cascading against the drum, syncopating the track until it was an almost inverted version of itself, the jumpy beat taking a backseat for a second, replaced by a truly enthralling and hypnotic work of classical art.

Eventually, the pair of contrasting sounds began to intertwine, and Vinyl felt her heart pumping in rhythm to the beat, watching the dancers below, and one in particular. In the corner of her eye, she saw Rainbow Dash and Princess Twilight having what looked like a heated discussion. Back in her focus, there she was.

Of course Tavi was drawn in by the classical, she's so predictable. Vinyl grinned, swapping a pair of discs and fading in yet another new sound, a long drawn out bass tone. Now, time to see if she stays. Surprisingly, she did. Octavia wasn't the best dancer by any means, but she gave it a good go, shaking and moving her rump to and fro as she bent her forehooves, stooping low and swaying to the beat.

Vinyl let loose a wolf whistle. "Yeah, Tavi, shake that thing! Hey, if anyone's got a spare bit put it in that mare's bow-tie cause she's going for it!" she looked down at Octavia, waggling her eyebrows over her shades, only to be met by a blush, followed by a chilling glare.

Wait, where the hell did that come from? Did I just wolf whistle at my flatmate? Vinyl glanced at Octavia once more, grateful for her shades and the anonymity they afforded her wandering eyes, and wander they did, staring past the vapour, obscuring her vision as she breathed in. Yeah... she admitted, She is pretty hot. Vinyl did a double take, noticing Octavia backing up against the centre of the floor, still shaking away. Like, really damn hot. Why haven't I noticed this in two whole years? Vinyl suddenly felt her eyes cross as she considered something important. Hold on, am I even into mares? Well, more than once a month at least.

Another glance at Octavia's firm backside, a treble clef tattooed across each side, and Vinyl was conspiratorially lowering her glasses to get a better look . Yeah, guess I am. Still, why am I being like this?

Vinyl inhaled hard, and inexplicably found a grin on her muzzle. "Yo, Tavi, get on up here! Time for some audience participation in here, I wanna see who can jump the highest to this one!" Vinyl slammed a button, a heavy tune slammed back, and Vinyl tried not to crap herself whilst somehow retaining her sultry look. Why did I just freakin' do that?

***

"For the last time, Pinkie Pie," Rarity huffed, "I'd much rather enjoy the entertainment from over here, where it's a little quieter."

"Oh, don't be such a party pooper!" Pinkie bounced in circles, before leaping onto the table Rarity and Applejack sat before, prancing in place. "Do you even know how much effort I had to go to arranging this? I had to appoint myself head of punch acquisition, book Equestria's hottest DJ at a moment's notice, procure a crazy cool smoke machine in the space of a day, not to mention the invites and food! And you two spoilsports," She glared at the pair, before regaining her cordial smile, "Won't even get up and have a little dance! I think that's pretty ungrateful, if you ask me. And who else would you ask? I'm the only pony on the table!"

Applejack guffawed as Rarity sipped her punch. "Ah just ain't rightly sure this is our scene, sugarcube! Ah mean, sure, we love a good party as much as the next pony, but this newfangled electronic stuff just ain't in mah blood, nor Rarity's. We'd likely be far more at home watching that Octavia play summin' calm and tranquil like."

Pinkie pouted, looked about, then grinned. "Well, funny you say that, cause she's up there on the decks with Vinyl right now! You said you'd rather see her perform, and she basically is! Funny how things work out, huh? I mean, not as funny as Jamarecan salamanders cause they just have the best accents, but a close second, or third!" Pinkie stopped prancing and scratched her head. "Guess it depends how many salamanders there are. Anyways, stop being such a stick in the mud and dance! I mean, unless you're scared you'll be shown up!"

Applejack's eyes became hard. "Don't be callin' me chicken, Pinkie, I'd expect that nonsense from Rainbow, not yerself. Now, ah'm sorry but ah'm not budging! Yer can't make me dance any better than ya can make a pig fly, so stop tryin' it."

Pinkie deflated, mumbling, "Well, Dashie made a tortoise fly so I render your point mute!"

"Moot, darling." Rarity offered, draining her glass in a most unladylike fashion, appearing to suppress a belch briefly.

Pinkie spun around, about to offer a retort when she noticed the swiftly emptied glass her friend held in her aura. Slowly, a grin spread across her face. "Come onnnn, guys, I've got stuff to do! The sooner you two get up and start living a little, the sooner I can go and refill the punch bowls!"

Rarity blanched, becoming whiter somehow as her eyes widened. "Y-you mean you're out of punch?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Until I go and restock, yeah! I mean, there's still the virgin stuff, but all the hard punch is--"

Rarity was up in a flash, grabbing Applejack in her magic as she writhed and struggled. "Dancefloor, now."

As Applejack attempted to run away, her hooves slicing through thin air, Pinkie suppressed a giggle, walking up to a table filled with cardboard boxes and puncturing one, pouring fresh alcoholic punch into a large bowl.

***

Rarity quickly managed to talk around Applejack, and there they were, on the edge of the dancefloor, edging closer and closer to the epicentre of bass. Rarity's dancing was ferocious, edged on by her desire for more punch. She really did love the stuff. She threw her hooves around wildly, clearing a space around her that only her hardy friend dared enter. Applejack's dancing wasn't nearly as manic, but she hadn't drank anything.

Eventually, her spastic movements to the repetitive drum beat (which she hated to admit was growing on her a little) were noticed by none other than Ponyville's resident DJ, earning a few words of praise.

"Niiiice, Rarity, getting your freak on! I wanna see you all go freakin' nuts right here... When I say 'pull up', you say 'now'! Pull up?"

"Now!" A chorus of rowdy dancers shouted back.

"Can't friggin' hear you! Listen, I wanna hear you go nuts for the reload--One more time, when I say reload, you say?!"

"Now!"

"That's more like it!" Vinyl shouted, wheeling up the track, throwing a switch, and unleashing a frenzied beat upon her crowd which swiftly grew into total pandemonium. Rarity looked up just in time to see Vinyl playfully bump her flank against Octavia's, causing her to drop her jaw --as well as her smile-- and stare at Vinyl with a confused and slightly violated expression.

Rarity dismissed the jovial behaviour and set back to the task at hand, securing her punch. As she danced, the air around her grew thick, although she supposed it might have been shortness of breath that made breathing such a strange sensation. Unbeknownst to her, a trail of mist straight from Pinkie's machine began to envelop her as she sucked it in with gusto.

Suddenly, she felt acutely aware of her surroundings, and her appreciation for the music around her went through the roof. She regarded the hyperactive light show surrounding her with wonder, slowing her movement a little, focusing on the allure of her strides, which steadily became more graceful.

Needless to say, she drew eyes then, but she noticed them the least. Eventually, she found herself regarding the simplicity of Applejack's dancing. She noted that it looked identical to any dance she might have performed in the past, to any music. She hadn't even attempted to adjust it to compensate for the tempo, but somehow, it worked. Rarity had no clue how such a thing was possible, but apparently it was.

That's Applejack all over though, isn't it? Rather than worrying about appearances, she does exactly what suits her. It's endearing really. To think, she hasn't a care in the world for what any of these ponies think of her, yet she wouldn't believe how beautiful she looked if someone told her! Rarity smiled dumbly, looking forwards as she retained her rhythm, spying on Applejack's struts when she could, her heart aflutter. She's positively radiant, and you know it. When are you going to tell her, you stupid mare? You've wanted to for years, have you not?

Rarity turned, putting some distance between the pair, masking a downcast expression. It's no use. She would run for the hills, and you know it. Best to leave foolish ideas where they belong and try to enjoy yourself. Now, take a deep breath, put your best smile on, and get back to it so you can drink this away later, yes?

Rarity nodded to herself, inhaled deeply, and turned around, the change of heart creeping into her veins as she approached Applejack once more.

***

Rainbow Dash's eyes bugged. Those gorgeous, huge rubies darted around the room, before their owner spluttered out: "Wh-what did you say, T-Twi?"

Twilight laughed, she couldn't blame the adorable little ball of fur for being confused. "I said that my love for you is wider than the widest library in Equestria, of course!"

Rainbow retched, holding a hoof to her mouth. Silly Rainbow, you know how hard it is for horses to throw up. "Everything okay, fuzzy snout?"

Rainbow subconsciously pawed at her snout. "N-not really, I don't get where all this is coming from all of a sudden?"

"From the bottom of my heart, where else? You're intuitive, you can figure out the rest," Twilight smirked.

Rainbow recovered from her dry heave, looking Twilight square in the eyes with concern. "Just how much have you had to drink, Twilight?"

"Only thing I'm drunk on is you, glow stick," Twilight bit her lip, giving her best attempt at bedroom eyes.

"Glow stick?" If Rainbow was feline, she might have coughed up a furball. "I think you need to lay down, Twilight, honestly."

"Well, will you lay down with me?" Twilight batted her eyelids seductively.

"Gah! St-stop that! Seriously, Twilight, I don't know if someone put you up to this or something, but it's seriously not cool, you're really making me feel awkward here, so... If this is some big joke can you just tell me?"

Twilight stole a glance at Rainbow's body, a sordid grin on her face "I wouldn't joke about something like this! But if you'd rather talk about it somewhere a little more private, I could show you around my castle?"

Rainbow stared at her levelly. "I already know my way around."

"Oh, you do, do you?" Twilight winked, "Care to prove it?"

It took Rainbow a moment to realise what Twilight was getting at. Groaning and rolling her eyes, Rainbow bit back some crass words, giving Twilight a tired look. "Twilight, please, you're really making me feel uncomfortable now, can you cut it out please?"

"Hold on, are you... Are you rejecting me, Rainbow Dash?" Twilight punctuated her sentence with a very believable sniffle.

"N-no, I wasn't trying to say anything like that, but--" Rainbow stammered, unsure how to respond to this without hurting her friend's feelings.

Twilight had to hide a gleeful smile. Well played, Twilight. She's mine now, just a matter of wearing her down.

***

"Just what have you been playing at tonight?" Octavia accused, her eyes drilling into Vinyl all the while.

"N-nothing!" Vinyl assured, weakly. "Nothing, Tavi, it's just, I-I dunno, I just saw you doing your thing tonight, and well, I saw your flank shaking and it was like something went off in my head, or, like, went on, or rather, turned on, like I was turned on, and-- Ugh, I'm not very good with my words. Basically, I think you're great stuff, and a hot cellist-- I mean a great cellist! And, uh, hot stuff too, yeah."

Octavia raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "So, you are saying that you are in fact attracted to me? And you never thought to tell me until now?"

"Well, I guess I just never noticed until now. I mean, it's more than that. Like, there's this heavy ass beat in my head, and my heart pumps to it, and that beat is you, Tavi." she removed her shades, staring at Octavia with a determined gaze, "And I'd like to dance to you forever. I mean, dance with you, or maybe, dance on you, or something like that. I haven't given it that much thought yet, but I know I wanna do it. Like, do it with you. I mean, not that," she considered her words for a second, then grinned, "Actually, yeah, that too. But still, I also wanna do that love crap, cause I've just realised I'm inanored by you."

Octavia had managed to keep up with most of that, she'd listened to enough of Vinyl's drunken rambles to be able to follow her rather unique train of thought. The last sentence, however, forced her to do a double take, and she almost facehoofed on the spot. "Enamored, Vinyl, it comes from Prench. Are you sure you haven't been drinking? Anyway, about what you said--"

Ha, she's activated my trap! "Prench? Like Prench kissing? Wanna try that?" Vinyl flashed a toothy grin.

Octavia's blush was almost audible. "If you think I cannot handle you being attracted to me, believe me, I've entertained the idea before, you are quite lecherous at times. However, what I cannot abide is your terrible means of admitting it, nor your terribly crafted attempt at flattery! I am a grown mare, Vinyl, if all you are after is a fling, be honest with me, do not carry on with false notions of love and deeper connections when there is no call for it."

"But, I'm pretty sure I love you. I mean, I'm like 70% sure, but five minutes ago it was like 50%, and every day up till tonight it's been like 5%, but that's still a big number, so I must, right? I'm like 72% now, and I haven't even kissed you yet! If we keep going like this, in an hour, I'll be like 265% sure! And if that happens I might overload and shut down, so it's best to just throw your lot in with me now while it's still safe, right? I mean, I could die otherwise, Tavi!"

"That literally makes no sense," Octavia scoffed.

Vinyl's eyes widened and she spoke with a panicked tone. "See, I'm already losing my ability to process logic! Only you can save me, Tavi, before I start to malfunction further!"

"Of all the bollocks I've heard," Octavia mumbled, rolling her eyes before straightening her eyebrows. "So, let me make sure I understand this. If I do not requite these feelings, you will become brain dead, or explode, or something? Very inventive, Vinyl," she laughed, "I'm almost inclined to believe you. Perhaps I will kiss you, if just to make you quiet about all of this."

Vinyl whooped and did a backflip on the spot. In the corner of her eye, she saw the smoke machine's produce seeping out, leaving the dancefloor and beginning to spread across the entire packed hall.

***

Applejack glanced curiously. "Ah'm afraid ah don't follow yer, sugarcube. Mind rephrasin'?"

"Applejack, dear, I was merely suggesting that with your supple curves and dreamy eyes and those gorgeous freckles, you'd make the most excellent poster girl for my spring line! I've thought so for a very long time, but I've never had the gall to ask you!" Rarity eyes beamed with splendor as they trailed Applejack's features once more. "Would you at least consider it?"

Applejack rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof. "Aw, shucks, Rarity, that's awful kind of yer to say, but ah just don't know if I'd feel comfortable with all those strangers ogling at me like a piece of meat, yer hear?"

Rarity waved off Applejack's concerns with a hoof. "Fine, fine, how about a private shoot, then?"

Applejack cocked her head. "What'd be the point in that if ya weren't gonna distribute the pictures?"

"Well, it would be just for me, darling, something beautiful for me to work with," Rarity's voice trailed off, "something to motivate me, something to look at in bed at night..."

Applejack's eyes narrowed. "Uh, Rarity? You okay, sugarcube?"

"Oh, I do love it when you call me that, it's so positively dreamy. And it's funny because I'm white, and you're, well, orange! But you're an apple too, a ravenous, lascivious apple."

"Uhh, lavisious?" Applejack attempted to echo.

Rarity sheepishly grinned. "Oh, nothing, darling, just making a small observation. Say, how would you feel about doing a pin-up shoot?"

Applejack's eyebrows raised as she looked at her friend with shock. "H-have you lost your dagnabbed mind, Rarity? Ah've got siblings that ah'm pretty sure wouldn't wanna see me saunterin' around all suggestively like that!"

"No no, again, this would solely be for my benefit."

Applejack eyed her with mixed embarrassment and confusion. "Now why in tarnation would you want summin' like that? How'd that help yer in the slightest?"

"You're really not getting this, are you?" Rarity laughed.

"Ah am not mffpfhfh--!!" Suddenly, Rarity's lips pressed against Applejack's, but it wasn't the long, passionate, drawn out kiss she had hoped for. Applejack's ears perked up, her body froze, and her lips remained firmly shut and dry. It was as if she had become as rigid and flat as an ironing board.

When Rarity realised she was making no progress, she pulled away, smiling pleasantly. "No, Applejack, you're meant to part your lips and return the favour, see? Now, let's try it again."

This time, Applejack flinched, batting Rarity's muzzle away with a hoof. "Wh-wh-wh-what?! What in blazes a-are ya doin', Rarity? Ah thought you wanted mah help with modellin', not to be yer hussie! Why would you do that?!"

Rarity appeared shocked and upset by her reaction. "N-no, Applejack! All I've been trying to do is tell you how much you mean to me, how much I need you around me, how attracted I am to you, please never think that you don't mean anything to me!"

Applejack squinted, panting slightly from anxiety and fear. "Yer--yer mean you actually like me?"

Rarity nodded vivaciously.

"And..." Applejack continued, slowly and uncertainly, "And all this modellin' business was just a trick to get me in yer boutique, I take it?"

"Well, the photos would have been a nice bonus too," Rarity replied with a promiscuous grin.

Applejack blushed heavily. "R-Rarity!" she exclaimed, backing away a few paces on uneven hooves, "Don't go sayin' things like that! I mean, if you like me, and I mean really like me, and it ain't just the punch talkin', it's gonna take me some time tah get used to that, you know?"

"Well," Rarity responded, slowly advancing on her prey, "We could always go back to the boutique and have a long discussion about it, hmm?" she blinked innocently, as if unaware of what she was insinuating, "And I'm sure Twilight has plenty of spare rooms in this big castle, wouldn't you agree?"

Applejack backed away frantically, bumping into tables in the process. "Ah really don't like what you're suggesting, Rarity, ah think I'm gonna have to give ya a rain check on that one."

"Nonsense, darling! Come, we'll indulge ourselves in all the splendor this castle has to offer!" she let a hint of lewdness creep into her tone, "And maybe indulge ourselves in a few other things?"

Applejack ran like Discord himself was on her heels.

***

Pinkie looked out at her creation, marveling in the energy surrounding her. She looked to the dancefloor, seeing ponies dancing, falling about, writhing against eachother... Wait, writhing? That doesn't seem right. Ah well! She skipped merrily around the room --looking for any problems that might require her attention-- when she spotted Applejack and Rarity, standing awfully close to one another.

Letting curiosity take over, she hung back and peered at the scene, before suddenly seeing what appeared to be a long kiss being shared between them. From her angle, and the mist disrupting her vision, she couldn't tell who initiated it, but she was shocked nonetheless. Shocked and excited.

After a few seconds, she saw Applejack backing away and skipped over, eager to ask a million questions.

"Hey, Rarity! Did you just smooch Applejack?! Hey, hey, did it taste like apples? How did it happen, what did she say--"

As she bounded over, she was cut off prematurely. "Yes, Pinkie, in fact I did, and I'll be doing more than just that just as soon as she lets her guard down!" Rarity squee'd before running off, not wasting any time in tracking down the mare of her desires.

"Oh..." Pinkie thought for a moment. "Okie Dokie Lokie!" Then Pinkie thought some more. Wait... That didn't sound like Rarity. I mean, I knew she had the hots for Applejack but still, to actively chase her? What happened to the whole 'I'm a proper lady' shtick?

She didn't get much time to consider this further, as Rainbow Dash chose that moment to collide with her, sending her sprawling into a snacks table. Pinkie stood, pretzels protruding from her mane, and gave Rainbow a stern look. "Hey! What's the big idea, Dashie?"

Rainbow zoomed behind her, panting heavily. "Gotta-- Gotta keep me..." another pant, "Away... From Twilight."

Pinkie turned, completely stumped. "Why would you wanna be away from your bestest friend in the whole wide world all of a sudden? That's not very loyal of you, Rainbow."

Rainbow took a few more breaths before wheezing out: "No, you don't understand! She--She kept hitting on me! All this really lovey dovey crud, and then she said she wanted me to sleep with her!"

"Oh? That's strange! Rarity was saying something about hunting down Applejack, cause those two just made out and--"

"Plffft!" Rainbow did a spittake with nothing but her own spit, an impressive feat. "Wait, what?! Since when was Applejack into mares?!"

"That's what I thought! Except apparently now she must be, cause I totally saw those two kissing! And now Twilight's trying to get with you, anddddd... Hold on, let me just add two and two together," a rare thoughtful look crossed Pinkie's muzzle.

At last, she gasped, opening her muzzle, but before she was able to share her big revelation with Rainbow, the leftmost doors burst open, and in trotted a very irritated looking Starlight Glimmer, walking straight up to Pinkie and Rainbow and sighing dramatically. "I know I said I had other plans tonight, but those have kinda gone down the toilet, so I'm here now. Looks like everyone's having fun," she grunted, surveying the misty room with her eyes.

Pinkie turned to face Starlight directly. "Actualllly, things aren't exactly ship shape right now... What happened, anyway?"

"It's Trixie," Starlight began, her tone laced with upset and annoyance, "We were meant to be having a girl's night in, but I swear she's been making subtle little advances on me all night, like romantic ones, and it's driving me crazy. I called her out on it eventually and she vehemently denied it, so I just told her I needed some time to myself and came here. She's probably still in my room right now. Seriously, though, would you believe that?"

Rainbow laughed awkwardly. "You'd be surprised, really."

"Hey, Starlight!" Pinkie beamed, "You're pretty good with mind altering magic, right?"

Starlight's face turned sour. "Is that meant to be a joke? Because no offense, Pinkie, but I'm really not in the mood right now, I came here to have fun."

"No, no joke! I really need some help here! You see, Twilight's been chasing after Rainbow's flank all night, and--"

"Uhh, right here, Pinkie?" Rainbow said, flicking her tail.

"Sorry. Basically, Twilight and Rarity are both acting really out of control, and I don't think they're the only ones! I was wondering if you could cast a spell or something to see if they're under somepony's influence? I mean, could you recognise if they were being mind controlled?"

"Wait, Twilight's been chasing after Rainbow?.." Starlight instantly seemed to be deep in thought.

The pair nodded back at her.

"Interesting. Anyway, what you asked about it a pretty simple spell, it shouldn't take me more than a few seconds." Not wasting any time, Starlight lit up her horn, a pale glow screening the room, mixing in with the myriad lights surrounding them.

When she had finished, she bore a worried expression. "It's not someone controlling them, it's something... And from what I can tell, it's only affecting unicorns, for whatever reason."

"Can you tell what kind of changes?" Pinkie asked.

"A feeling of ecstasy, mainly. Stronger emotions, a heightened libido--"

"Wait," Pinkie interjected, "Are you sure this is such a bad thing?"

"You try having your best friend describe your body as a 'table of contents', then tell me what you think, Pinks."

"Point taken," she snickered.

"We need to analyse the room. Search for anything abnormal and then--" Starlight paused to inhale, thinning the veil of red mist around the trio, "And then act on it." A couple of seconds passed. "By the way, Pinkie, have I ever told you how cute your mane is? It's so puffy!"

Rainbow's head tilted in confusion while Pinkie merely stared at Starlight, silent. "Uhh, Starlight? You do realise her mane's covered in pretzels right now, don't ya?"

"Delicious pretzels," Starlight corrected, not breaking her gaze. Soon after, her eyes flickered, and she looked away. "Oh, crap, it's happening to me too, isn't it?"

Once again, Pinkie gasped. Before Rainbow could ask, she put a hoof to her mouth. "It's the mist!"

Starlight and Rainbow both exchanged a glance before looking around them. "The mist on the floor?"

"The very same!" Pinkie stated, triumphant.

"Uhh, Pinkie, why would it be the mist?" Rainbow asked, "Isn't it just like, you know, regular smoke, but coloured?"

At this, Pinkie began to sweat, pawing at the floor nervously. "Uhh, well, it's probably better if I explain how I got it."

*Earlier that day*

Pinkie knocked on Zecora's door 36 times in quick succession, each knock in perfect rhythm. In the space of three seconds, Zecora answered.

"How you have knocked so many times is a mystery, but tell me, Pinkie, why have you come to me?"

"I need smoke that will make ponies really, really happy!" Pinkie yelled, ecstatic as always.

"Fear not my friend, for mist I can create, but there are many types, which one shall I make?"

"Whichever one will make ponies dance and have fun the most! I mean, I really wanna see these ponies having fun, and when I say fun, I mean a lot of fun, and when I say a lot of fun... I think you get the picture. You got anything like that?"

Zecora blinked slowly, trying to process Pinkie's barely intelligible barrage of words. "Forgive me if this seems rude, but it's important for me to ask, is the substance you're looking for an aphrodisiac?"

"Afros?! That'd be so cool!" Pinkie bounced in place as she continued. "Could you make a batch big enough to be dispensed around a two hundred pony feature room over a six hour period? If so, that'd be sweet!"

"I feel it unwise to ask what this is for, but by six I can have the potion by your door. Just pour it in a cauldron and it'll slowly take effect, and give the ponies that are afflicted a night they won't forget."

"That's great! I'm happy to pay however much you need, Zecora, you're a lifesaver after all! I mean, gee, when my smoke machine broke I thought I was gonna have to go to Manehatten to get a new one, but then I had this swell idea that you might be able to make smoke with your voodoo, and you can! But obviously, you already know that! I'm gonna go get the rest of the stuff ready now, speak later!"

As Pinkie left, gaily bouncing through the dark everfree, Zecora was sure she heard the words: "Best. Party planner. Everrrr!"

*Back in the present*

"I knew something was fishy when nopony ended up with an afro!" Pinkie snarled, kicking the air with a hoof.

Starlight stared at her in disbelief. "Pinkie, an aphrodisiac is something that heightens sexual desire! And if Zecora made it, there's no telling how strong it could be!"

"Wait," Rainbow cut in, looking between the pair, "Does that mean Twilight was already into me?"

Starlight chose to ignore that question. "If we don't find a way to stop this soon we're gonna have a big problem on our hooves, a lot of friendships could be ruined, not to mention relationships. There's well over a hundred ponies here right now, and I'd be willing to bet that almost half of them are unicorns. I'm surprised a fight hasn't broken out yet, or worse."

"Well, can't we just take the smoke machine away?" Rainbow asked.

"It'd help, but it's not enough," Starlight mused. "The effects would stop spreading, but they need to be purged from the minds of every pony here, and I can't influence all of them individually at once, especially not with that music playing. The only way to fix everything at the same time would be a magical amplifier of some kind."

"Orrrr, what about a physical amplifier?" Pinkie grinned, pointing at the DJ set up across the room, the dancefloor becoming more steamy by the second, a unicorn stallion being shoved away by a pegasus mare, two unicorns dancing and rubbing against one another, a load of the usual ravenous dancers, and at the centre, a unicorn DJ locking lips with a certain cellist, slowly and sensually kissing her while their tails entwined.

"Wow..." Starlight breathed, before twitching and tearing her eyes away. "Oh, yeah, the amps! If I can get up there, I can probably project my thoughts over the records and coax the mist's influence out of everypony's minds, but--" she glanced at the heaving dancefloor, becoming more and more crowded as fights began to break out amidst multiple passionate displays, "Getting there might be a problem. Plus, if we don't do it soon, I'll probably lose myself to the mist, then I won't be help to any one but Trixie..." Starlight paused, eyes closed. "Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing..."

Rainbow unfolded a wing, swatting it rapidly over Starlight's face. "Stay with it, Starlight. You said it yourself, this could get really bad for everypony! Now listen, I'll move the machine out of here, seeing as it won't do anything to me. Pinkie, you handle crowd control, clear a path for Starlight to get up there. Starlight, you go talk to Vinyl, tell her what's going on and put your plan into action. Ready?"

"Ready!" Pinkie nodded.

"Your wings are really soft..." Starlight purred.

"Ughhhh," Rainbow slowly dragged a hoof down her own muzzle, "Just go unhypnotise everypony."

With that, she took flight, zooming past as Pinkie hopped through the swarm of dancers, attempting to clear the way for Starlight, who followed with her eyes to floor at all times, trying her best to exercise celibacy. When Pinkie got about halfway to the centre, Starlight in tow, she found herself up against an impenetrable wall of dancers, predominantly unicorns, all appearing to be fighting over a group of mares standing across the room.

Tapping her chin in thought, Pinkie tried the first thing that came to mind. "Hey, guys, my friend Twilight over there," she pointed in no particular direction, "Is feeling real lonely right now, and she needs a strong stallion to cheer her up!"

At once, there was a thunder of hooves. "Really, where?"

"I'm gonna get to her first! I'm gonna cheer her up so hard!"

"Wait, I wanna be king!"

With the barrier dispersed, and the front portion of the dancefloor fairly scarce, Pinkie and Starlight were able to move in, where they saw Rainbow struggling to lift and carry a ridiculously large apparatus. Panicked, Pinkie shouted to her, barely audible over the thumping beats emanating from the speakers before her. "Be careful, dashie! If you spill the potion, that'll probably make things even worse!"

"Wait, really?" Is all she heard back as she bounded up to the centre stage in tandem with Starlight. Looking up, she shouted for Vinyl, but it fell on deaf ears. She was clearly heavily occupied.

Desperate, Pinkie lead Starlight on stage, taking her round to where the two mares continued to eagerly explore one another, slowly kissing as Octavia stroked Vinyl's mane, as Starlight tried to look anywhere but at them. After a few seconds passed, and it was clear they weren't about to stop voluntarily, Pinkie marched up and unceremoniously tapped Vinyl's shoulder ten times.

When Vinyl turned, she was grinning like a foal, and Octavia continued to stroke her mane. "'Sup, bitches! You enjoying the show?"

"Which show are you talking about?" Pinkie laughed, before becoming serious once more. "Okay, listen. Basically, the reason you're all over Octavia right now is that there's some really really super bad mist being pumped through this room that's turning all of the unicorns into loved up animals, make sense?"

Vinyl considered Pinkie's words for a moment. "Oh! Killer," she went to turn back to Octavia but was stayed by Pinkie's hoof, "Yes?" she asked, impatient.

"Anddd, that's a really bad thing because it's causing loads of fights and other bad stuff! Seriously, Vinyl, how long have you had your set on autopilot?! Don't you wanna fix this?"

Vinyl looked at Pinkie, looked at Octavia, then sighed. "I guess, yeah," she deliberated a moment, and her head seemed to clear, "Of course I do, this sounds pretty bad actually. What would I need to do?

"Can it not wait five minutes?" Octavia asked, looking at Pinkie with pleading eyes.

"No can do! We need to fix this now!"

Octavia's look became petulant. "Fine. Not as if I can ever have this again, but whatever. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Actually, there is," Starlight piped up, finally able to look at the pair. "Go and help Rainbow move the smoke machine away, the sooner it's out of this castle, the better.

Octavia nodded and set to work. Meanwhile, Pinkie regarded Vinyl, who had just reequipped her shades. "We need your heaviest, most attention grabbing beat! Starlight's gonna put her voice over it, but it's gonna be all subliminal and stuff, so hopefully everyone will snap out of it! I need the volume up too, this whole castle needs to be shaking!"

"You're speaking my language now, girl," Vinyl grinned, selecting a new, pristine disc, "I had been saving this for a special occasion, but I guess this night has been pretty special," she stole a glance at Octavia, "Screw it, let's do it."

Vinyl spun the record, and as soon as the crossfader started to drown out the residual sounds of the last song, it was replaced with the mother of all build ups. Pinkie imagined this might be what a choir of erupting volcanoes would sound like if instead of spewing molten lava, they shot out pure, unadulterated bass.

As the beat started to grow stronger, more sounds were added into the mix, a trance inducing sound that could and would captivate any present in a heartbeat. While the masterpiece reached its first, all encompassing climax, Starlight worked in the background, pouring her thoughts into the speakers before her. All around her, ponies were gazing at the stage in pure amazement, stopping whatever they were doing to bear witness to this spectacle of sound.

When the beat dropped, ponies could have written poems about its spellbinding sound. If Twilight hadn't been so busy trying to decide where her and Rainbow might honeymoon, she would have declared a national holiday for this banger's debut right then and there. It was the kind of beat that was so heavy, the walls shook and the ground quaked with each new vibration, the otherworldly sounds in the foreground forcing ponies to shake as much as the ground.

Then, something spectacular happened to each unicorn present. One by one, they began to spasm, as if the influence of the mist was being torn from their being, and in its place they began dancing with equally as much passion, smiles affixed to their muzzles. Ponies stopped fighting, stopped arguing amongst one other, stopped awkwardly trying to come onto each other. Somewhere in the far side of the room, Rarity stopped chasing Applejack. They all piled in to the dancefloor, looking to take part in this mass exorcism, this purge of latent desire, of sickeningly rushed and ridiculously random romantic notions.

At some point, Vinyl was also purged, and, looking out upon her crowd, all happy and dancing as usual, a huge smile formed on her face.

That smile lasted until she saw Octavia and Rainbow walking back in.

***

Hours later, a very successful party had wound down, the last party goers were leaving, and Pinkie and her friends --excluding Rarity, who had drank too much punch-- were all in the middle of cleaning things up, though they barely spoke to one another the entire time. Vinyl was in the middle of packing up her equipment, while Twilight and Pinkie wiped down tables, Rainbow removed overhanging party decorations, Applejack swept the floor, and Starlight put away excess furniture.

After a long period of silence, Pinkie looked over to Vinyl. "Are things gonna be okay at home?" she asked.

Vinyl appeared to mull it over for a second. "Hmm, I dunno, Pinks. I mean I kissed Tavi, I remember that much, and now she doesn't seem to wanna talk to me, so I'm a little stumped."

"Isn't it obvious?" Pinkie wondered aloud.

"What is?"

"She didn't want you to stop kissing her! She looked pretty pee'd off when you did! Maybe she's upset because it took a super strong scary sexy smoke machine to make you like her?"

"Did-did she actually look pissed when I stopped kissing her?"

"I dunno, am I fifty percent Pink and fifty percent Pie?"

Vinyl smirked for a second, then her face grew dark. "What should I do? I love Tavi, but I've never really thought about her in that way. Well... Before tonight, I mean," she added sheepishly.

"Do whatever your heart tells you, silly filly! If you don't like her in that way, be honest with her. If you do, being honest will be even easier! Either way, she'll respect you more if you tell the truth, so just go with that!"

Vinyl listened intently, then smiled warmly. "Thanks, Pinkie. You give some really good advice occasionally."

"Hey!" Pinkie shouted, "What do you mean, occasionally?!"

"Whaaat I want to know is," Rarity slurred, slumped against a table that was meant to be packed away, "Why did this awful, mortifying mist only affect unicorns?"

"Well isn't that obvious?" Pinkie bounced over, grinning jubilantly, "Unicorns are clearly the horniest race!" she stated.

"That was a little off-colour, Pinkie," Twilight said, "Besides, the reason it didn't affect the others as much is that unicorns have natural ambient fields which are interfered with by powerful magics. In other words, they're more susceptible to magic in the air than the average earth pony or pegasus would be. With a mist like that, we were all under its influence within ten minutes of being exposed to it, but it probably would have taken over an hour for a non-unicorn to start feeling the effects."

"Waittt," Rainbow spoke up, "Does that mean that if much more time had passed, I would have been head over hooves for you too?"

"Not necessarily," Starlight answered, speaking up, "the mist only heightened those feelings which were already latent, from what I could tell, at least."

"Darn it, Starlight! I could've told Vinyl that!" Pinkie exclaimed, looking about to find that the mare had packed up and left already.

"Let her work her own stuff out, I'm sure she'll get there a little easier if she doesn't have to be told what her feelings are," Starlight responded.

"Hold on..." Rainbow shuddered, "Does that mean Twilight..." she turned to her friend, "Does that mean that you like me?! Like, like like?!"

"That's a whole lotta likes," Pinkie commented while Twilight buried her face in her forehooves.

A few seconds passed, and Rainbow spoke again, albeit in a slightly softer tone. "Well? Do you?"

Twilight began banging her head against a table; Starlight took Twilight's actions as a cue to answer for her.

"I think Twilight's having a hard time admitting her feelings, but needless to say she thinks a great deal of you."

"Really?!" Rainbow jumped back, alarmed. A few seconds passed, and the hint of a smile briefly flashed across her muzzle. "Really?"

"And I supposeeee this means I must be obsessed with Applejack also?" Rarity bluntly asserted.

"Rarity, we all knew you were into Applejack years ago, it's hardly a big reveal!" Pinkie smiled.

"Well, ah didn't!" Applejack barked, looking between each of her friends in sequence, "Don't any of yer have a shred of common decency? If ah had known Rarity, err," she tilted her hat back, rubbing at her scalp, "liked me, ah would've been better equipped to handle it!"

"Well it isn't our fault you're soooo oblivious, Applespack!" Rainbow jived, nudging her with the elbow of her forehoof as she flew past.

"First off, that's offensive, and second, it's not like you knew that Twilight had a thing for yer either now, is it?"

"Hey, that's different!" Rainbow defended, before turning back to look at Applejack, wide eyed. "Wait, you knew?.."

"Ah can't well be the element of honesty without keeping a good secret now, can I?"

"But it's alright for you to complain about us not telling you about Rarity? Those are some double standards if I've ever seen 'em!"

"Now look here, Rainbow, ah've had a long, tirin', and confusin' night, and I ain't in the mood for yer sassin'! So if you'd kindly leave off fer once ah'd be much appreciative."

"Well you're not the one who--"

For the second time that night, the doors burst open suddenly, and with much force. "Starlight! I woke up and you weren't beside me! Just where did you go? I missed you in bed, and--" Trixie's face burned scarlet, "Oh, hello everypony."

Starlight's blush was equal. Her response was loud, and very forced. "Oh, hello, my just-friend, T-Trixie! Why exactly were you in my bed? I mean, uhm, l-luckily, the mist is gone, and the curse has been lifted, and you're not all over me anymore! Boy am I glad about that!" Starlight's voice was uneven and her brow was exceptionally sweaty.

Trixie appeared hurt."Starry, what the heck are you talking about? Don't you remember? You took me for a lovely picnic and we exchanged gifts for our two months, then we went back to the castle and--" Suddenly, Trixie caught on, and her voice became almost mechanical, "Oh, y-yes, the, uhh, mist... Glad that's fixed! T-Trixie doesn't even like b-beautiful, loving unicorns."

"Oh, you're back to calling yourself 'Trixie', huh?" Pinkie asked, eyes bright.

"It's a nervous reflex, okay?!" Trixie snapped, wild eyed.

"Well, what are you nervous about?" Rainbow wondered aloud. Twilight might have contributed to the conversation if she wasn't nursing her bruised head.

"Sh-shut up! Leave Trixie alone! Always bothering her with your questions!" she turned back in a huff, stomping her hooves against the floor as she trotted away. A second later, she turned with a small grin, "Come back to bed, Starry, it's late."

Starlight followed her with her eyes as she sauntered the rest of the way out of the room, before turning to face the others, wincing.

Rainbow raised a questioning eyebrow. "So, two months, huh?"

"Okay, so maybe I lied a little earlier to test the water, turns out I picked a bad time, heheheh," Starlight glanced around, looking at a random wall, "Oh, would you look at the time! Looks like it's time to, erm--I should--Uhh... Bye!"

With that, Starlight teleported away. Rainbow and Pinkie burst out laughing, even Applejack chuckled a little.

"Sooooo, quintuple date?" Pinkie asked, smiling a huge smile.

"Wait, quintuple?" Rarity asked, attempting to count through her still tipsy haze.

"Of course! You and Applejack, as soon as she works out her sexuality, Twilight and Rainbow, as soon as she's got all the angst out of her system, Starlight and Trixie, as soon as they're willing to admit they're actually together, Vinyl and Octavia, if they don't spend the rest of their lives not bringing up what happened tonight... And me and my date!"

"Hold on, who would your date be?" Applejack wondered.

"Princess Celestia, of course! I mean, she prefers Celly, but--"

"Hold on, what?!" Twilight shot up, suddenly teleporting right into Pinkie's face, "Are you serious?! When, how?! Tell me everything RIGHT now!"

"Well hey, Twilight's up." Applejack laughed, watching her all but assault Pinkie in an attempt to drag but a shred of information from her.

Things were definitely going to take some adjusting to from here on.

Author's Note

This is what happens when I read one too many badly written or rushed ship fics.

Fluttershy isn't in this story because I didn't feel comfortable bastardising her.

Will update this note with a tracklist soon, so people know just what kind of music inspired this.