Don't Drink and Science

Chapters

Dude, Where's My Underwear?
Twilight and Sunset Built This in a Garage. Withaboxofscraps!
Like a body it's reassembled from various pieces, it lives!
In a Mode

Dude, Where's My Underwear?

Twilight Sparkle let out a soft, pained groan as her eyes fluttered open, inviting in blurry shapes and harsh light that seem to stab at her forehead and remind her that perhaps she enjoyed herself a bit too much last night. Shutting her eyes tightly, she brought a hand to her face, sighing internally that the target of her immediate need was not found. With a grunt and brought on by the dull ache of her head, Twilight began to grope about her surroundings. She first noted that what she touched was far too cold and hard to be her bed, though the tools that were strewn about threw her off at first.

“Come on… come on… Where are they…?” Twilight murmured to herself as her hand continued its mostly blind journey across the floor. Okay… Hammer… Screwdriver… er… Power drill… Wait… This feels softer and, uh… kinda squishy?

Twilight felt something swat her hand away. “Stop being so grabby…” she heard a woman mutter. “Adagio… or Flash… whichever of you is responsible…”

“AH!” Twilight suddenly bolted upright and turned, noting a not-unfamiliar orange, red, and yellow blob. “Sunset?!”

“Twilight?” the blob answered woozily. “Why are you so… blurry?”

Twilight frowned and reached her hand out as she attempted to gently search Sunset Shimmer.

“Ow… Ow! Twilight! Could we keep the physical contact between us to love taps first thing in the… whatever time it is…”

Okay, apparently, Twilight failed at the ‘gently’ part, still she persevered.

“Twilight? TWILIWFFFT!” Sunset shouted in an angry muffle.

Twilight couldn’t help but feel a half smile come to her face as she finally found the object she was looking for. Pinching her fingers at the bridge of Sunset’s nose, Twilight plucked off the thick-rimmed black glasses and placed them back onto her face, the world finally coming back into focus.

Sunset let a sound that was something between a grunt and a growl as she sat up. Cringing, she raised a palm to her head and surveyed the tool-strewn workshop. “What the heck did we do last night? I mean… aside from drink… I remember that part, as does my head…” Sunset quipped in a remorseful tone. She looked down at her half-unbuttoned lab coat and the black tank top she was wearing under it. “Also, where’s my shirt?” Sunset added.

“Ugh… I don’t remember,” Twilight replied.

“What we did last night, or where my shirt is?” Sunset asked.

“Yes,” Twilight replied with a smirk.

Twilight and Sunset used a lab table to climb their way back to their feet, Sunset arriving at the ‘peak’ of the table first and offering a hand to help up Twilight. Both women sported bedhead, or ‘cold floor of a laboratory’ head as was the case. Additionally, both sported white lab coats that were practically falling off the girls’ shoulders and barely buttoned, poorly at that. Twilight still retained a light-blue shirt under her coat.

“Ow, ow, ow…” Twilight uttered as she rubbed her forehead. “Everything about last night is so fuzzy…”

Sunset frowned and turned. This was followed by the sound of elastic snapping and a sigh of relief from Sunset.

“Uh… What was that about?” Twilight asked.

Sunset turned, a slightly pink hue on her cheeks. “Just checking that I was still wearing underwear… and that it was my underwear.”

“… Why would you not be wearing underwear… or someone else’s for that matter?”

“You don’t go on a lot of benders, do you Twilight?”

“Uh, not as such, no.” Twilight frowned and turned. There was another snap of elastic as Twilight cringed.

“What’s wrong?” Sunset asked.

Twilight turned, her face having turned beet red. “I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“You see! This is exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about!”

“Well, what do I do?!” wailed Twilight.

“Uh… Find it, er... them?” Sunset replied, grumbling to herself about "...pairs of things," and the oddity such items present to language. “And hope they're not currently being worn by someone you don’t like or don’t want to have an awkward conversation with?” She couldn't help but chuckle to herself. "Start praying Trixie isn't wearing your panties at the moment."

Twilight winced. "Yes. That would certainly check both boxes." She sighed heavily and brought her left hand up to message a temple. “Well, I know what I’m doing today… You know, talking would be easier with some water.”

As if on cue, a peach-toned hand holding a cup of water extended.

“Oh, thank you,” Twilight replied.

“You are welcome, mother Unit Alpha,” a feminine, if oddly robotic voice replied. “Your hydration level was low, so it seemed logical to bring you a glass of dihydrogen monoxide.”

Twilight and Sunset paused, awestruck and somewhat horrorstruck by the sight in front of them. It’s not that what they saw was particularly ugly, in fact, both women would be hard-pressed to describe what they were seeing as anything but ‘cute’. However, they were staring at an android that had not existed yesterday.

"Does Mother Unit Beta want one too?" the automaton asked.

The women glanced at each other as dread clearly grabbed hold of their faces like a vicious attack dog.

Slowly, Twilight reached her hand forward, gently grasped the glass of water, then doused her face with it.

This did nothing to make the bizarre phenomenon she was looking at disappear. In fact, it responded with, “Mother Unit Alpha, you are seemingly suffering from a malfunction or a corruption of your ‘dihydrogen monoxide’ intake protocols. Shall I demonstrate for you?”

Twilight swallowed as she placed the cup on the lab table. “That’s… that’s quite alright… I’m just a little… completely floored at the moment." She turned towards Sunset. “I-I don’t… H-how did we…?” Twilight sputtered out.

Sunset shook her head. "Oh, this is just unbelievable..."

"I know!” Twilight agreed in a harsh whisper. “Who'd have thought we could have built our own android?! Especially as inebriated as we were."

“No, not that… I mean. Okay, yes. That’s super impressive, but we’re both crazy smart. What I want to know is why do you get to be ‘Mother Unit Alpha!’ and I have to be ‘Beta?!’ I can’t believe I signed off on that!”

Twilight stared at Sunset in disbelief. “…That’s really what you think is important right now?”

Sunset nodded. “Only in that actually dwelling on the actual ramifications of creating a semi-autonomous AI unit self-contained in a robot body that’s CLEARLY modeled to be some sort of science lesbian spawn of ours fills me with such a sense of existential dread that I can’t even even right now!”

“I…uh… I see your point…”

Sunset turned towards the peach-toned android in the room, and looked into its glassy sky blue eyes. “So again… I ask why I signed off on being ‘Mother Unit Beta’.” Sunset let her eyes wander downwards, taking note of the android’s purple hair with a red and yellow tuft to the left of her bangs as well as the long length that eventually took on a red hue as the waist-length hair took on some orange streaks. She took her eyes off the android’s hair. “Also, I found my shirt,” she declared, taking note of the tea-green t-shirt that covered the android’s chest. She let her eyes drift down further. “Aaaand your underwear, Twilight.”

“Mother Unit Beta?” the android inquired.

Sunset grit her teeth.

The android continued, “Have you completed your scan of my personage?”

“Uh… sure?” Sunset said.

The android nodded. “Then I shall address your previous query. You likely forgot the nature of accepting your designated mom Unit identification on account of achieving a rather high alcohol to blood ratio during my construction.”

Twilight pursed her lips slightly. “… I’m not sure ‘achieving’ is a good word to use here.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Alright, Officer DARE to Keep Kids off Drugs. I think it’s fine… Hence, why I’m undoubtedly the ‘fun parent’,” Sunset said as she pointed to herself with a thumb.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Are you competing with me for our newly created daughter’s affection?”

“Pffftt… No! It’s only a competition if you stood a chance here.”

“Sunset, this is serious! We just made her last night!

“I know! And I’m already winning the ‘who she loves more’ game! Maybe if you could get over your initial shock about us creating an android in our likeness, you could step up and and challenge me a little here.”

Twilight shot a Sunset a glare stepped in irritation. “Oh, this is ridiculous…”

Sunset smirked. “You’re just saying that because you’re losing!”

The android spoke up, “I have to express agreement with Mother Unit Alpha.”

Twilight motioned to the android. “See? Our android daughter agrees with me.” Twilight frowned heavily. “I can’t believe that was a sentence I really just said out loud.”

Sunset’s lips and forehead crinkled in annoyance as she turned towards the android. “No offense, uh… robo-offspring, also… uh… We didn’t by chance name you last night, did we?”

“Negative,” the android replied. “In response to your first query, it’s impossible for you to offend me, Mother Unit Beta.”

Twilight frowned slightly. “Is it because you don’t understand emotions?”

The android turned towards Twilight and narrowed her eyes in a clear sign of annoyance. “Wow, rude!”

“S-sorry!” Twilight sputtered in response as her cheeks began to burn crimson.

Sunset snickered. “Obviously not…”

The android pointed at Sunset. “Mother Unit Beta programmed me to receive her ‘personal jabs’ as a sign of affection.”

Sunset whistled. “Apparently drunk me knows what she’s on about.”

“However, in regards to any sort of competition for my affection, I should state that I’m programmed to love you both to an equal degree.”

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Okay, that was clearly a ‘drunk Twilight’ thing.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Drunk Sunset Shimmer really should have insisted on doing all the programming herself.”

“Is that bad?” Twilight asked. “I mean, that should askew a lot of future drama, not that… you know… we probably aren’t in for that anyways by creating an android in our likenesses.”

Sunset held her hands, palms up and fingers curled, up in front of her. “But it interferes with how much fun we can have as parents!”

“Uh… No?” Twilight replied. “I mean… My parents are pretty good at working together and Shining Armor and I still have lots of fun with them.”

Sunset frowned. “Okay, but I bet a little healthy competition between your parents would really increase how much fun you have!” Sunset turned towards the android. “Back me up here, robo-daughter.”

“Calculating…” the android replied. “Such a parenting approach is indeed likely to dramatically increase short-term joy from children in the family unit.”

“You see!” Sunset said.

The android continued, “Long-term repercussions include increased stress, especially between parent units, and a high probability of divorce.”

Twilight puffed out her lower lip. “I don’t want my parents to get a divorce.”

Sunset scratched the back of her head. “Okay, okay… I think I see the problem here…” Sunset placed her hands on Twilight’s shoulders. “Twilight?”

“Uh… Yes, Sunset?” Twilight replied, her cheeks starting to glow with a red hue.

“I want a divorce.”

The android’s eyes opened wide and she let out a soft, distressed whimper.

“We’re not even married!” Twilight cried as she swatted Sunset’s hands away.

Sunset couldn’t help but smile wickedly to herself. “I want five divorces from you!”

Twilight let out a heavy sigh. “Sunset… I’m guessing you’re using humor as some sort of defense mechanism to deal with the situation…”

“I can confirm that Mother Unit Beta is indeed doing that.”

“Snitch!” Sunset hissed at the android. “Wait… You can tell that?”

The android nodded. “I’ve been programmed to recognize a number of behavioral patterns from both of my Mother Units.”

“Huh,” Sunset uttered, “drunk Sunset and drunk Twilight apparently both really know their stuff.”

“Anyways!” Twilight exclaimed. “I’d appreciate it if you started taking this a bit more seriously,” Twilight said. “I mean… We have to do something here.”

Sunset glanced at the android briefly. “Lock her up in a closet and pretend this never happened!” she suggested.

“Sunset!” Twilight snapped.

The android snickered to herself. “I love you too, mother Unit Beta.”

Twilight groaned and smacked a palm against her forehead. “And now I’m hoping you aren’t taking this seriously yet.” Turning towards the android, she asked, “You really think it’s funny that you’d just be locked away in a closet forever?”

The android turned towards Twilight, a clearly pained look emblazoned across her face. “Why, mother Unit Alpha? Whatever did I do for you to even suggest such a horrible thing!?”

“What?!” Twilight exclaimed. She pointed at Sunset. “B-but… it was her idea!”

“Fun parent~!” Sunset sang out.

Twilight groaned. “Okay, assuming we don’t want to deal with this in a completely morally bankrupt fashion…” she turned towards Sunset with a concerned inquisitive countenance.

Sunset held her palms out in front of her. “Give me a little credit, Twilight. I’m not quite sure if we could say we ‘created life’, but I’m not just going to hide away one of the greatest scientific creations, possibly of all time, in a closet somewhere… I’m also going to strike off any solutions that require the use of a shovel.”

“… A shovel?” Twilight replied. A horrified look danced across her face. “You were going to suggest we bury our daughter alive?! Uh… pseudo-alive!?”

The android cringed and began to hide behind Sunset Shimmer. “Mother Unit Beta?”

“Still hating that name,” Sunset commented.

The android continued, “Mother Unit Alpha is scaring me.”

Sunset turned enough to pat the android on the head. “There, there. I won’t let the mean, mad scientist hurt you.”

Twilight let out a growl. “Why do I keep getting the blame for these things?! It was Sunset’s horrible idea!”

“Hey, I didn’t suggest we bury her while still activated!” Sunset said. She pointed at Twilight. “That was all you.”

Twilight frowned. “I guess you’re right… I’m sorry, Sunset.”

Sunset nodded. “I was just thinking we could hypothetically have her dig a hole, smash her with the shovels, dismember her, and bury the pieces in the hole.”

The color drained from Twilight’s face. “You’re a monster.”

“I’m a hypothetical monster.”

The android responded by smiling contently, closing her eyes, and wrapping her arms around Sunset’s torso as she hugged her mother from behind and nuzzled Sunset’s long red-and-yellow hair.

Sunset smiled smugly at Twilight.

Twilight’s horrified expression fled as her face contorted in silent anger. She took a deep breath then let it out. “Okay, well… Now that we’ve established that imprisonment and murder are not options…”

The android let out another whimper.

“Come on, Twilight!” Sunset said as she turned to return her android daughter’s hug. “You’re scaring the poor android girl.”

Twilight continued, hissing out her words through clenched teeth. “I think we need to establish a list of priorities.” Twilight took another breath. “First thing we should address is coming up with a name.”

Sunset shook her head. “I think we have a bigger concern.”

“Oh?” Twilight replied.

The android decoupled herself from Sunset and nodded. “I believe we need to address the fact that you two are unwed, and therefore, living in sin.”

Twilight turned and glared at Sunset.

Blushing slightly, Sunset rubbed the back of her head. “Okay, in drunk Sunset’s defense, she probably thought that was funny…” Sunset chuckled. “Still a little funny.”

Twilight turned towards the android. “Sunset and I don’t even live in the same house.”

The android frowned. “Then this is a bigger problem than I previously calculated and should take up our full attention.”

Sunset shook her head. “No, the first thing we need to make sure of is that no one else finds out about this, at least… Not for a little bit. The last thing we need is all our friends getting wacky and weird over a little thing like creating android offspring of ourselves.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “‘Big thing’. The android definitely qualifies as a ‘big thing’.”

The android let out another, sad whimper. “Mother Unit Alpha thinks I’m fat.”

“What?! No I… I just meant…” Twilight turned towards Sunset with a pleading look in her eyes. “Help me...” she muttered.

Sunset just stared at Twilight. “I can see why you programmed in that ‘equal love’, thing.”

“I’m not good at social interaction!” Twilight exclaimed. “Even with programs!” she added, hanging her head. “I’m even bad at dating sims!”

“… You play dating sims?” Sunset asked.

Twilight sighed. “I did. Except the last time I played the target of my affection turned out to be a ghost that had committed suicide.”

“Okay. Just. What?” Sunset replied with a dumbstruck look on her face. “Was that like… actually part of the game, or…?”

Twilight threw her hands up in the air. “He was the pigeon that hung out at the library! How was I supposed to know he was a ghost?!” Twilight sniffled to herself. “I’ll never forget you, Nageki…” she muttered.

Sunset turned towards the android. “Robo-daughter? Never take Twilight’s advice regarding dating.”

The android nodded. “Restriction confirmed.”

“… Or birds…”

“Restriction confirmed.”

Sunset turned and began to pace away as she looked at the floor. “Okay, well we need to get our ducks in a row before others find out about this.”

“Initiating duck ordering protocols.”

Twilight sighed. “That’s just an expression, uh… Daughter Unit…”

“Mother Unit Beta’s restriction regarding birds in effect, disregarding advice.”

Twilight let out an exasperated groan.

Sunset started up at the ceiling and stroked her chin. “There’s got to be a way we can do damage control, or at least get in front of this whole thing before things spiral completely out of our hands…” Sunset closed her eyes and sighed. “I guess the most important thing is that we lay low for a few days. It sucks, but under no circumstances do we just want our friends finding out about this.”

“…”

“You two have gone quiet…”

“Affirmative,” the android’s robotic voice answered.

Sunset pursed her lips and glared at the wall she was facing. “Our friends are like… Right behind me and just staring at you in shock, aren’t they?”

“Affirmative.”

Sunset ruffled her hair, growled, and spun to face Twilight, not bothering to make eye contact with the five sets of eyes that now also occupied the room. “Damnit, Twilight!”

“Sorry!” Twilight exclaimed. “I was lost in thought about my dead pigeon boyfriend and didn’t notice them come in!”

Sunset frowned heavily. “I can’t believe that was a sentence you really just said out loud.”

The android chimed in. “My sensors detected multiple humanoid lifeforms approaching, but I’m also programmed for comedic timing.”

“Damnit, drunk Sunset!” Sunset exclaimed. She turned to her friends who were all busy gawking at the android. Even Twilight’s bizarre ‘dead pigeon boyfriend’ comment seemingly having been lost on them. She elected to turn towards her android-daughter. “Okay, robo-daughter. I need you to get five shovels and five body bags.”

The android nodded. “Affirmative, Mother Unit Beta,” she answered as she began to walk towards the door.

“Damnit, hung-over Sunset!” Twilight exclaimed. “Uh… daughter unit, belay previous instruction and hold position.”

“Acknowledged,” the android replied as she ceased walking towards the door. “Previous instruction rescinded and holding position.”

Sunset turned towards Twilight with a displeased look on her face. “Look, I know I said murder was off the table, but, you know… it’s nice to have hypothetical options.”

Twilight motioned towards the android. “Sunset, she can’t go out like this. She’s not even wearing pants.”

“Oh!” Sunset said as she took note that the android was, in fact, still wearing a t-shirt and a pair of purple panties. She turned towards Pinkie. “Pinkie, can you lend our robo-daughter your skirt so she can go out and get shovels and body bags so we can—” Sunset air quoted —“‘hypothetically’ dispose of you all as witnesses? Pretty please with sugar on top?” Sunset asked sweetly as she fluttered her eyelashes at Pinkie.

“Uh… I mean… I don’t really want me or any of my friends to be ‘disposed of’ for realzies or even hypothetically,” Pinkie replied. “But, you did ask super-nicely, so okay!” she said cheerfully as she began to take off her skirt.

A series of chastising “Pinkie!”s rang out from the other women present.

“Whaaaaaaaat?” Pinkie protested. Pinkie reached into her hair and pulled out a skirt identical to the one she was wearing. “I have a spare!”

Twilight folded her arms across her chest. “Also we’re not having our friends dig their own graves.”

A series of agreements sprung up amongst the newly arrived group.

Twilight shook her head. “Sometimes, I can’t believe you’re the one teaching me about friendship…”

“First off, I’m a better teacher than… well… you,” Sunset said. “Second of all, I was just joking.”

A series of sighs went up.

“... Probably,” Sunset added.

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Daughter unit, please slap Mother Unit Beta.”

Sunset chuckled. “Twilight, do you really think you—”

“Slapping protocol initiated.”

‘SLAP!’

“Ow!” Sunset exclaimed as she reached a hand up to her freshly slapped cheek. “Should have programmed you with the three laws…”

Applejack cleared her throat. “Okay… I think I speak for everyone here when I say, ‘What the hell?!’ Also, that none of us would dig our own graves.”

“... I would… ” Fluttershy said.

“Right,” Applejack said. “Well, Fluttershy would.”

Pinkie piped up, “And I would if you told me I was digging for treasure!”

“Pinkie, dear,” Rarity said, “stop helping Sunset commit horrible crimes.”

“Hypothetical crimes!” Sunset stressed.

Pinkie frowned. “So… is that starting now, or…?”

Sunset glared at Pinkie and raised a finger to her lips. “Shhhhh!”

Rainbow Dash spoke up, “Uh, I think we’re kinda ignoring the elephant in the room, or rather… The weird robot girl in the room?”

Sunset sneered at Rainbow Dash. “Android!”

“You already called her ‘robo-daughter’!” retorted Rainbow Dash.

“Yes,” the android chimed in, “but when Mother Unit Beta does it, it’s noted as a term of endearment.”

Sunset smiled and motioned towards the android. “See!”

“Regarding elephant comment…” The android turned towards Twilight. “Mother Unit Alpha?” She said in a distressed tone. “Why did you build me fat?”

“What?!” Twilight exclaimed. “I didn’t! I mean… You’re fine just the way you are!”

“You are just saying that because you’re my mother unit!”

“Seriously!” Twilight said in exasperated tone. “Who programmed you to be so moody?!”

“To answer your query, Mother Unit Beta is responsible for most my programming while you’re responsible for most of my physical appearance.” The android sniffled. “Overbuilt as it is.”

Sunset grinned to herself. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

“To respond emotionally to your query: why can’t you love me for who I am, Mother Unit Alpha?!”

“I do, but…! I mean… we just built you, but… I, uh… I guess if I did more programming of you, there’d be a lot more multiple choice options when I respond…”

Sunset shot Twilight an unamused expression. “... And you wonder why I’m teaching you about friendship…”

“Paranoid feelings confirmed!” the android shouted as it threw its hands up into the air. “Mother Unit Alpha doesn’t fully love me! Initiating ‘dramatically run to room sobbing protocol’.”

“No wait! Daugher unit!” Twilight exclaimed. “Let me explain…”

Sunset nodded. “I programmed her alright.”

The android ran out of the room, sobbing loudly as it did.

Twilight turned and glared at Sunset. “You programmed our daughter to overreact to just about everything I do, didn’t you?”

“Hey, your beef is with drunk Sunset, not me,” Sunset replied as she held up her hands defensively in front of her.

“Sunset, that’s still makes it your fau—”

Twilight was soon cut off by the android returning to the room to give Twilight and Sunset a sheepish look. “Please insert room parameters.”

Twilight let out a sigh of relief and placed a hand on the android's shoulder. “Don’t worry… I’m sure I can figure out a room for you.”

The android smiled. “Thank you, Mother Unit Alpha… You’re the best.”

Twilight grinned widely.

“After Mother Unit Beta, of course.”

Twilight turned and towards Sunset with a look that suggested she honestly hoped knives would shoot out of her eyes.

Sunset just looked away with a small smirk on her face. “Fun parent…” she uttered.

“Girls,” Applejack said, “Ah think we need to focus on what’s important here…”

“I know, right!” Pinkie said. “We need to throw a babyshower!”

“Er…” Fluttershy looked towards Pinkie. “Actually, I think she needs a name first.”

“Well!” Rarity exclaimed. “I think we need to fix the poor dear’s room arrangements, to say nothing of her clothing, or rather lack thereof.”

“None of that is what Ah’m gettin’ at!” Applejack snapped. “Are we really just gonna accept that fact that Twilight and Sunset built some sort of crazy robot monstrosity that’s probably going to rebel and kill us al—” Before Applejack could finish her sentence, she found herself lifted off the ground and being hurled towards a wall which gave way with a solid ‘CRUNCH!’

Everyone save Twilight and Sunset took several steps back from the android as it slowly lowered its arms back down to its sides and emotionlessly stared at the hole in the wall where it had just thrown Applejack.

“Robo-daughter, what the heck?!” Sunset exclaimed.

“Apologies, Mother Unit Beta. I’m programmed to respond to any statements using my robotic nature as a pejorative with violence.”

“Oh,” Sunset said. “Okay… yeah… Forget the three laws. This is way better.”

Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity quickly ran over to the hole which used to be part of a wall before Applejack was thrown through it. A slightly bruised orange arm emerged from a small pile of smashed drywall, the hand’s index finger pointing upwards. “T-this only helps prove my point…” Applejack said woozily.

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, “Well, what I want to know is if she’s anatomically correct.”

A series of disgusted exclamations escaped the lips of the others present.

The android replied, “Pre-Programmed response: Where it counts,” she said with a smirk as she placed a hand on her hip.

Sunset and Twilight flushed crimson as most the eyes on the room turned towards them.

“Well… we were drunk…” Twilight offered meekly.

“Right,” Sunset said. She pointed at Twilight. “Plus, I think Twilight is mostly responsible for the body.”

Twilight turned and glared. “But you were likely the one who programmed her to say that.”

Sunset frowned. “Okay… uh… I’m sure it was funny at the time.” She let out a heavy sigh. “So much for getting a handle on things before they got wacky and weird...”

Twilight and Sunset Built This in a Garage. Withaboxofscraps!

Author's Note

Thanks to The Albinocorn for the chapter title suggestion (way better than then my original title) and, of course, Tired Old Man for his tireless ( :trollestia: ) editing and great suggestions on this chapter.

Twilight and Sunset Built This in a Garage. Withaboxofscraps!

Twilight looked over the fresh faces in the room that were mostly looking at her and Sunset with concern. Excluding Pinkie who just seemed happy to be here, Rainbow Dash who kept leering at Twilight and Sunset’s android in a manner that didn’t make Twilight at all comfortable, and Applejack who was still buried under a modest pile of drywall…

Okay, so only fifty percent of the fresh faces that could look with concern at her and Sunset were doing so, and it seemed Rarity had started to also take a bit more interest in the android in the room. Twilight took one more glance at the new arrivals. “Uh, not that I want to discourage the odd surprise visit, bad timing aside, what are you all doing here?”

Pinkie gave Twilight a wide, full-toothed grin. “We’re celebrating the first time we all unexpectedly showed up at your house!”

Sunset gave Pinkie a bemused look. “This is the first time you’ve all unexpectedly showed up to Twilight's house!”

“Right!” Pinkie said with a nod. “And we’re celebrating!” Pinkie reached into her hair with both hands and pulled out a noise maker in one. She used her other hand to throw some confetti into the air then blew on the noise maker.

‘PhweeeEEEEE!’

“Surprise!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Sunset raised a palm to her face. “Of all the days…”

The android spoke up. “Pinkie Pie’s logic does follow, Mother Unit Beta.”

Sunset crinkled her brow at the android. “Don’t encourage her… and that might actually be the strangest thing someone has said today…”

“Forget that!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Believe me, I’m trying,” Sunset replied.

Rainbow Dash continued, “What I want to know is why you two were drinking!”

Rarity and Fluttershy nodded in agreement as Twilight’s face flushed crimson.

“Er… Do we need to, um, to have an intervention? I mean… you’re both underage…”

Sunset’s face tightened. “Twilight is underage by your stupid human laws, I just look young. Besides, clearly us drinking is a good thing!” Sunset motioned to the android. “Look what we accomplished!”

“Ah assume Sunset is pointing at the killer robot,” Applejack said from under the drywall pile. “Ah’m gonna count that as a reason those two shouldn’t drink!”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh, wow, gee… Sorry Twilight and I created a technological marvel together!”

“Yeah, that might kill us…” Applejack retorted as she picked pieces of the broken wall off her face.

Rainbow Dash spoke up, “Actually, I was just upset I wasn’t invited. Guess it was an ‘eggheads only’ sort of deal.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you’d have better luck if you didn’t call Twilight and me ‘eggheads’.”

Holding a long length of measuring tape, Rarity slowly shuffled over to the android. “Uh… Sunset… Twilight? Erm… May I….?” she asked as she pointed towards the pair’s robot creation.

“Uh, sure…” Twilight said. “but Daughter Unit is basically a teenager… I mean, most anything we can spare should fit her…”

The android stuck out her lower lip in a pout. “Am I not worth new clothes, Mother Unit Alpha?”

Twilight cringed. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to imply… uh…” She turned towards Sunset.

Sunset just shrugged. “Hey, you dug this hole, not me.”

Rarity gave Twilight an incensed look. “She most certainly will not be dressed in hand-me-downs! And certainly not when I can easily come up with a few stylish outfits or even resize some existing ones.” Rarity took a long look at the android and her purple hair that turned into a red-and-yellow striped gradient. “Besides, we simply must get her something to bring out this delightful hair coloring she has!”

Sunset smirked at Twilight. “You really should know better than to get in between Rarity and an excuse to make new outfits.”

Twilight put on a sheepish grin and shrugged. “Right, what was I thinking? Go ahead, Rarity.”

Rarity giddily bent down and began measuring the android’s legs.

“Uh… Little help?” Applejack said from the pile of drywall she was in.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash leaned down and helped Applejack back to her feet.

“Eeehehehe!” Pinkie giggled excitedly. “And I’ll dress your wounds!” she said as she began to undress.

“Uh, Pinkie?” Applejack said. “Ah’m not sure if dressing my wounds means what you think it means.”

“Huh?” Pinkie said as she took off her shirt, revealing a baby-blue bra underneath. “Oh! No… I just need to get changed, silly-billy!” she said as Rainbow Dash’s attention suddenly changed from the android to an increasingly nude Pinkie.

“Uh, okay…” Applejack turned towards Twilight and Sunset. “Look, can we please talk about you two creating something that has, like, a ninety-percent chance of turnin’ on us humans?”

“Oh, you’re over exaggerating!” Sunset exclaimed. She turned towards the android. “Right, Robo-daughter?”

“Correct,” the android said, “the chances of me turning against humanity is significantly lower than that.”

“Uh… See?” Sunset said as she motioned towards the android and turned back to Applejack. “Over exaggerating!”

Applejack merely shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“Darling? Could you raise your arms?” Rarity asked the android.

The android complied, raising its arms up and out horizontally from its body.

“You too, Applejack!” Pinkie chimed in.

Applejack sighed as likewise lifted her arms so Pinkie could begin wrapping one in gauze. “Look, Ah’m just saying that most every time someone makes a robot, they end up turning on their human masters! There’s about a hundred movies about this!”

Standing next to Sunset, Twilight Sparkle stared off into space and stroked her chin as if she was seriously considering Applejack’s words. However, Sunset’s irritated expression betrayed that she was having none of it. She sighed. “Yes… Movies, Applejack! Movies! This is real life!”

Fluttershy frowned. “Well… a strange and scary ‘real life’ where we have to deal with magical threats from time to time.”

“… Yeah, so?” Sunset replied.

“Uh… erm… I guess, well…”

Rainbow Dash spoke up, “I think what Fluttershy is trying to say is that none of us had to deal with ‘weird magic’ stuff until you showed up.”

“Oh, right…” Sunset said, scratching the back of her head. “In my defense… Starswirl was using this dimension as his personal dumping ground for stuff he didn’t want to deal with long before I showed up.”

Applejack continued to shoot Sunset a sour look as Pinkie began wrapping Applejack’s entire chest with gauze. “Well, crazy, potentially genocidal robots aren’t magical!” Applejack glared down at Pinkie. “Pinkie! Would you ease up there?! I just got a few bruises! I don’t even need bandages!”

Pinkie puffed out her lower lip in a pout. “But I’ve been carrying around this nurse’s outfit and first aid kit in my hair for years! Don’t take this from me!”

Applejack frowned and looked Pinkie up and down. Pinkie had changed out of her clothing and was now wearing a pink nurse’s cap with a red cross on top, a pink medical jacket that clung to her chest so tightly the buttons looked to be actively rebelling, to say nothing of the bottom of the jacket that barely reached Pinkie’s thighs which also seemed to be trying to escape. This was accompanied by white stockings that went a few inches past Pinkie’s knees and trendy pink flats to complete the ensemble.

“I doubt that’s a standard nurse outfit Pinkie…” Applejack quipped.

“But Rarity made it for me!”

Applejack shot an accusing look at Rarity who responded with a nervous chuckle. “In my defense,” Rarity began, “Pinkie has grown a bit since I made that…”

“Proceed,” Applejack sighed out in a defeated tone as Pinkie gleefully returned to wrapping Applejack’s arms.

Still glaring at Applejack, Sunset pointed behind her with her thumb towards the android who was standing with her arms stretched out to either side of her body. “Well this Skynet you're so sure is going to destroy us all is currently being fitted for dresses!”

Humming contently to herself, Rarity ran the tape measure down the length of the android’s left arm.

Applejack just rolled her eyes. “Right… so we’ll all be murdered by a well-dressed genocidal robot.”

Rarity simply tittered to herself as she wrapped her tape measure around the androids waist. “I suppose if humanity is to end, at least the last thing everyone will see is one of my stunning outfits.”

“Yer a big help…” Applejack muttered.

Sunset turned and raised an eyebrow. “You know, Rarity, you probably don’t need to do that. I’m sure Twilight and I have her exact measurements somewhere.” Sunset frowned slightly and turned towards Twilight. “Uh… right?”

Twilight turned towards Sunset at the sound of her name, though it took about a second for her eyes to focus as if her mind was having to shift focus. “Oh, uh… Daughter Unit’s measurements?” Twilight looked down at the floor and scanned her soundings. She walked over to a tablet on the floor, picked it up, and swiped at the screen a few times. “Yeah, I have them.”

Rarity raised a hand and waved it at the girls. “No need! ‘Sometimes the old methods are the best’, as they say!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and muttered to herself, “… Yeah. It sure would suck having measurements down to the second decimal point just handed to you…”

Sunset likewise responded to Rarity’s comment with annoyance, “First off, you’re taking the measurements of an android, Rarity. Second off, I’m pretty sure ‘they’ do not say that, as I think you got that from a movie… Uh… Robo-daughter?”

“Yes, Mother Unit Beta?”

Sunset couldn’t help but grimace slightly. “Where does the line ‘sometimes the old methods are the best’, come from?”

The androids sky blue eyes glowed momentarily as they darted back and forth. “Searching… The quote is from the movie, ‘Skyfall’.”

Sunset smirked. “Better than Google…” she murmured to herself. “There you go,” Sunset said to Rarity. “You just made a quote about the ‘old ways’ from a franchise that gave us the ‘laser watch’ and ‘invisible car’.”

Rarity turned up her nose. “Hmmff! Well excuse me if I like making outfits to be a more personal affair!” she snapped.

The android spoke up. “I should also point out that I could easily list off my own measurements if asked, so ultimately both taking my measurements and looking them up are fruitless endeavors. However, I am willing to allow my measurements to be taken in such a crude fashion and even have my own stats read back to me if it will make anyone present to feel better about themselves.”

Silence descended on the room.

Sunset’s face crinkled. “Did you just robo-sass all of us?!”

“Affirmative.”

Sunset’s face tightened further. “Well, please stop.”

“Acknowledged. Robo-sass subroutines have been suspended.”

Sunset gritted her teeth. “You’re still sassing me, aren’t you?”

“Affirmative,” the android replied.

Sunset let out an annoyed growl as Rarity continued to take measurements, though with a sour look on her face.

Twilight chuckled and gently elbowed Sunset in the arm. “Hey, at least you now know what it’s like to be friends with you.”

The left side of Sunset’s lips pulled upwards as if they had just been snagged by a hook. “Yeah well… uh…” She turned towards the android. “Robo-daughter, please insult Twilight… make it a scathing insult.”

The android turned towards Twilight. “Mother Unit Alpha, you’re only friends have been your brother, a dog, and a stuffed animal for almost the entirety of your life.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide as she let out the audible love-child of a sad whimper and distressed shriek. Everyone else in the room cringed.

Pinkie Pie ceased wrapping Applejack who was beginning to resemble a glowering mummy at this point. Reaching into her hair, Pinkie Pie pulled out a large tube marked ‘burn cream’.

Sunset waved her hands in front of her. “Too scathing! Too scathing!”

“Acknowledged,” the android replied, “adjusting scathing levels.”

Twilight’s amethyst eyes began to turn watery from behind her glasses. “Why would you program our daughter to say something so horrible?!”

“I don’t know!” Sunset said throwing her hands up in the air. “I mean… Maybe I was like… crazy mad at you last night?”

Twilight sniffled. “I… I guess… makes sense… I mean… it being my fault would help explain why I basically didn’t have any friends until now…”

A panicky expression smashed into Sunset’s face like a bird accidentally flying into a plate-glass window. “That’s not… I didn’t mean…”

“Clarification,” the android began. “I am not preset with any insults. I possess an algorithm that allows me to craft verbal attacks based on the information in my databases.”

Twilight began to shake as silent sobs wracked her body. “Right… because the best insults are true…”

Fluttershy looked on with a troubled look as Rarity silently walked over towards Twilight and handed her a handkerchief. She shot Sunset a glare.

“B-but-but…” Sunset sputtered out. “I didn’t mean for things to go this far!”

“Mother Units?” the android called out. “You both seem to be suffering from elevated stress levels. Is there something I can do to assist?”

“Insult me!” Sunset exclaimed.

Twilight lifted her glasses and dabbed at her tears with the handkerchief Rarity had handed her. “Sunset, it’s okay, that’s not—”

The android piped up, “Mother Unit Beta, your hair is not dissimilar in visual appearance to a plate of bacon.”

Sunset frowned. “Uh… I was kind of hoping for something a little more cutting…”

The android frowned. “Scanning…” She bent down and came back up with a box knife, blade extended. “Initiating cutting sequence.”

The atmosphere in the room grew thick with near panicked level of worry.

“Stop! Stop!” Sunset exclaimed.

“Daughter unit!” Twilight exclaimed. “Please disengage cutting command.”

“Acknowledged.”

Sunset let out a sigh of relief.

Applejack laughed to herself. “Keep digging that hole, girls.”

Sunset’s lips tightened. “Robo-daughter, insult Applejack.”

“Acknowledged. Applejack, your love for apples borders on the obsessive.”

“… Uh,” Rainbow Dash piped up. “Like… everyone knows that.”

Applejack snickered. “Ah think yer dumb robot has run out of steam.”

The android retracted the blade of the box knife and threw the item at Applejack, catching her in the face with a solid ‘Thud!’

“OW! Or not!” Applejack exclaimed as she reached a hand to her face.

Pinkie put on a giddy smile as she reached into her hair and pulled out another roll of gauze.

Twilight frowned. “Well… her routine against derogatory comments regarding her robotic nature is still working...” Twilight turned towards the robot. “But, ‘Bacon hair’ and ‘likes apples’? Certainly, you can do better than that!”

“Apologies, Mother Unit Alpha, Mother Unit Beta has lowered the ‘scathing’ levels of my insults.”

“Well turn them back up and try again!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Acknowledged. Applejack, your love for apples borders on the obsessive.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “That’s literally the exact same thing you said earlier.”

“I was not finished,” the android clarified. “Your obsession with such a low-quality fruit is unfortunate as they as there are so many fruits that are objectively superior in every way. See: Strawberries. And also: literally any fruit besides apples.”

Applejack’s face tightened so quickly that those present were certain they heard an audible ‘snap!’ “That tears it! Potentially killin’ everyone is ONE thing! Besmirching apples is another!” Sunset and Twilight quickly place themselves in between Applejack and the android as Applejack took two steps forward, then tripped on a loose bandage and practically face planted on the ground. “… Ah might be ready for the robot apocalypse now…” Applejack uttered dejectedly before Pinkie skirted a generous glob of burn cream into her hand and mashed it against Applejack’s cheek, much to Applejack’s annoyance.

Sunset and Twilight let out sighs of relief.

“Uh, Pinkie?” Fluttershy said. “You’re supposed to use the metal clips to keep the bandages in place.”

“The wha…?” Pinkie replied in a confused tone.

“Um… they look like little metal bow-ties.”

“Oooooo! So that’s what these are for!” Pinkie said as she examined one of the metal clips. “I thought they were, like, little bow-ties for robot guinea pigs!”

“I…” Fluttershy trailed off. “Er… I’m actually a little sad I told you what they were really for, now…”

Sunset turned towards the android and chuckled. “Nice one, but I think Twilight wanted you to insult me.”

“Understood. Mother Unit Alpha did not specify. Mother Unit Beta, you only have friends now because Princess Twilight Sparkle thought you looked so pathetic the night all your horrible and morally devoid machinations backfired on you that she personally asked her own friends to tolerate you.”

Again, silence returned to the room like someone repeatedly opening the wrong door as it looked for the bathroom.

“Oh yeah…” Sunset uttered as she placed her right hand on the left side of her chest. “I felt that right in my cockles.”

A heavy frown on her face, Fluttershy walked up to Sunset and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Sunset offered Fluttershy a small smile before her expression fell back into the depths of depression.

“I don’t… I don’t feel any better about myself,” Twilight uttered, her expression matching Sunset’s.

Sunset wrapped an arm around Twilight’s shoulders. “On the bright side, now we both feel bad about ourselves!”

The android smiled. “Mission successful, mother units are no longer stressed.”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Yeah… instead of stressed and angry, they’re just depressed.”

“I’m programmed to take whatever victories I get.”

Rainbow Dash turned towards Sunset and Twilight. “Uh… I hope this isn’t too insensitive to your android’s subroutine program parmesan-meters. But I think your robo-daughter unit needs to have her calculations and alto-rhythms updated.”

Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash in confusion.

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Rainbow Dash, stop saying random words you don’t understand to sound smarter.”

Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. “Oh yeah? Robo-android-whatever, insult! Now!”

“You being the element of ‘loyalty’ is window dressing to hide the fact you have almost no notable or redeemable qualities.”

Rainbow Dash winced hard. “I meant insult Sunset!”

Sunset held up a hand. “Let’s switch topics before robo-daughter gets asked to insult Fluttershy and we have a major crisis on our hands.”

Fluttershy responded to this with a soft whimper.

Applejack smirked. “Ya mean besides the potential murder mach—Mffff!” Applejack was suddenly cut off as Pinkie’s bandaging reached Applejack’s mouth.

“Thanks, Pinkie,” Sunset said.

“Nurse Pinkie is on the job!” Pinkie replied happily.

Sunset continued. “Plus, she still needs a name…”

“Ivvvfff hvvv a nffmmmm!” Applejack said from behind the gauze around her mouth.

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t quite catch that, AJ.”

Pinkie grinned widely. “She said, ‘Ivvvfff hvvv a nffmmmm!’”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Right, that clears things up.”

Applejack reached up a wrapped hand and pulled down the gauze from in front of her mouth and opened her mouth. “Ah said, ‘I have a name.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Do I even want to know?”

“Crime Against Nature!” Applejack informed.

Sunset raised her fingertips to her forehead. “‘No’. The answer to my question was ‘no’.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Applejack. “We’re not going to call daughter-unit that!”

Applejack smirked. “But we can call her C.A.N. for short! You know, short for Garbage Can!”

Sunset’s face twisted as if she had just smelt something foul. “I’m prepared to make it so you need all those bandages and burn cream Pinkie put on you.”

“Applejack, that’s racist!” Twilight insisted.

“Ah can’t be racist against a machine! It doesn’t have a race!”

Twilight pondered this for a moment. “That might be technically true, but it just makes you sound more racist!”

Sunset looked over at the Android. “Why haven’t you attacked Applejack again, anyway?”

The android turned towards Sunset. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Shall I initiate my savage beating subroutine?”

“Tempting, but I’m actually just wondering why you haven’t responded to the last few things Applejack has said by attacking her.”

“Applejack has not triggered any of my retaliation criteria.”

Sunset frowned. “Uh… Really? Because what she’s said has been pretty demeaning.”

“Ooooooh!” Pinkie piped up. “Maybe she only responds that way if someone specifically mentioned stuff like her being a dumb ol’ robot!” Pinkie immediately let out a sharp shriek of alarm as the android rushed over to pick her up and created a new hole in the wall via throwing Pinkie through it.

Sunset frowned as most everyone rushed over towards Pinkie. “I really should adjust that retaliation routine...”

“I’m okay!” Pinkie said as her hand emerged from the modest pile of rubble. She reached into her hair and pulled out more gauze. “Or rather, I will be!”

Twilight looked at the twin massive holes in the wall. “Man… My parents are not going to be happy about this.”

Sunset put a hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “You helped made artificial life, Twilight. Somehow I think you have bigger concerns than a couple of holes in your home’s garage.”

“I’m not entirely sure my parents will be surprised by that, honestly.”

Sunset retracted her hand and rubbed her chin a few times. “Hmmm… Robo-daughter, are you programmed for repairs?”

The android nodded. “Affirmative, Mother Unit Beta.”

Sunset smiled. “Good, could you fix the holes in the wall?”

“Acknowledged. Repair sequence initiated.” The android looked around the room. Walked over towards a roll of duct tape, picked it up, and then walked over towards the first hole she made. She proceeded to run strips of the tape down the entire length of the hole.

Sunset’s eyes began to twitch in irritation. “I’m mad at someone… I’m just not sure who.”

“You know,” Applejack said, “we still need a name for your robomination.”

Twilight shot a glare at Applejack.

“Ah, yes,” Sunset said, “now I remember… And no! We’re not calling her ‘Robomination’.”

“Actually, I was gonna suggest ‘Future Scourge of Humanity’.”

Sunset sneered. “Applejack, you’re banned from attempting to name our robo-daughter!”

“Besides,” Twilight chimed in. “It’s not like she was programmed with some sort of ‘kill all humans’ protocol.”

“Kill all humans protocol initiated,” the android said as she let go of the tape and bent down to pick up a hacksaw in one hand and power drill in the other. A drill which she pumped the trigger of to an accompanying ‘wirrrrr!’

Fluttershy and Rarity uttered shrieks of alarm as they hid behind Sunset and Twilight.

“Huh…” Spike uttered. “Glad, I’m not a human…” he said as he scratched at an ear with a back leg.

“Ah! Stop! Stop!” Sunset exclaimed.

“Disengage protocol!” Twilight said in a panic. “Disengage protocol!”

“Kill all humans protocol disengaged.”

Applejack stared at the android with a startled expression. “Ah thought being right about Murder-bot would feel good… Ah was wrong…”

“Applejack!” Sunset snapped. “You are double-banned from naming Robo-daughter!”

“... Suits me…”

Pinkie raised a bandaged wrapped hand. “Ooo! Ooo! How aboooout… Dusk Shine or Sunset Glare!”

Rainbow Dash considered the suggestions for a moment. “Pinkie, those sound like boys’ names.”

“Okay! Then how about Starlight Glimmer!” Pinkie said with a smile.

Sunset let out a sigh. “Pinkie, you are also banned from naming Robo-daughter.”

“Aw, nerts!”

“How about ‘Dawn’?”

Everyone turned to stare at the small purple-and-green dog that was now standing in the doorway.

Sunset and Twilight paused and put on twin looks of consideration.

“Gasp!” Pinkie exclaimed. “A talking dog!”

“Still not funny, Pinkie,” Rarity replied.

Spike chuckled. “It’s a little funny.”

“Stop encouraging her,” Rarity quipped.

“Erm, Hey, Spike,” Fluttershy greeted. “How long have you been listening in?”

Spike chuckled. “Since before you girls showed up.” He swatted at one his floppy ears. “Dog ears, you know? I just hung back until I figured the dust settled and I wouldn’t accidentally have someone thrown at me.”

“Huh…’Dawn’,” Sunset said. “I like it!”

Twilight smiled and looked down at Spike. “Nice work, Spike!”

Spike grinned. “Heh. I figured my superior canine insights would help!” He quipped before taking a moment to lick the space between his back legs as many of the girls let out sounds of disgust. Spike glanced up from his ‘grooming’. “What?”

Fluttershy giggled, walked over to Spike, and bend down beside him. “Maybe some ‘good job’ scratches are in order.”

Spike chuckled. “Well, I’m certainly not going to say ‘no’ to that,” He said before Fluttershy reached a hand down and began scratching him behind the ears.

“You know,” Rainbow Dash began, “I actually think that just help proves Spike’s point…. I mean… Gotta admit I’m a little jealous of the little guy’s flexibility.”

Sunset fixed Rainbow Dash with a glare. “Rainbow Dash! You’re banned from… something… I don’t know… being weird!”

“Hey, no fair!” Rainbow Dash protested. “You let Pinkie be weird, all the time!”

Pinkie grinned at Rainbow Dash as she wrapped her legs up in gauze. “Yeah, but my shenanigans are cheeky and fun!”

Sunset nodded. “Your shenanigans are gross and kinda skeevy.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Alright, so they’re sexy shenanigans!”

Sunset groaned. “Right, we’ll you’re banned from those for the rest of the day.”

“Ah, man…”

“Now, then…” Sunset turned towards the android. “Uh… Robo-daughter? Please, self-designate as ‘Dawn’.”

Dawn smiled. “Acknowledged, Mother Unit Beta.”

Pinkie tittered as she continued wrapping herself. “She likes it! She likes it!”

“Well, now that that’s out of the way,” Sunset began, “maybe I can get you to call me something other than ‘Mother Unit Beta’.”

“I’m sorry, Mother Unit Beta. Would you perhaps like to choose a different name from the designations I have stored?”

“Finally! Now we’re talking,” Sunset said. “What are my options?”

“A partial list includes the designations ‘Smugset Stinker’, ‘Her Royal Bitchiness’, and ‘The Baconator’.”

Spike began to pant excitedly. “I vote for ‘The Baconator!’”

Sunset felt a heavy frown began to weigh on her face. “I thought you weren’t programmed with any preset insults.”

“Affirmative.”

“Okay… Then why are those the names available to me?”

Dawn regarded Sunset with confusion. “Those are the other designations that were programmed into me during my creation.”

Sunset turned and glared at Twilight who simply responded with a snicker. “Oookay…” Sunset growled out. “Well can you accept additional designations?”

“Yes, but only from Mother Unit Alpha.”

Twilight let out a laugh.

Sunset turned and shot one last glare at Twilight. “You’re just lucky I pretty much deserve this at this point…”

Dawn continued, “I have additional names, most of which seem to play on your given name, Mother Unit Beta.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “If you know my given name, can’t you just use that? Or like… just call me ‘mom’?”

Dawn shook her head. “Neither of those options are listed as viable alternative designations. However, I can go through the list of available designations that are similar to your given name. Warning: Please remove any small children, impressionable teens, or easily offended or upset adults from the premises before confirming request.”

Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity all sighed and turned towards the door.

“You know what?” Sunset said. “I guess I’ll just put up with ‘Mother Unit Beta’ for the time being…”

“Er,” Fluttershy interjected, “or you can just ask Twilight to change it?”

“Naw,” Sunset said dismissively, “again… I kinda deserve it.”

“… You really think so?” Fluttershy asked.

Sunset turned towards Dawn. “Hey, Dawn.”

“Yes, Mother Unit Beta?”

“You’re ugly and annoying.”

Again, a series of gasps went up around the room.

Dawn let out a melodic laugh. “Oh, Mother Unit Beta! Stop!” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “There are friend units present!”

“Hey!” Twilight protested. “Stop telling Dawn she’s ugly and annoying as a bizarre way to curry favor with her!”

Dawn puffed out her lower lip. “I… I am sorry you find me visually unappealing and unpleasant to be around, Mother Unit Alpha.”

“What?! I didn’t say anything like that!”

Dawn opened her mouth and the phrase “…Dawn she’s ugly and annoying… ” was repeated in Twilight’s voice.

Twilight directed a frustrated roar at the ceiling.

Sunset motioned towards Dawn and Twilight.

“I, erm, see your point,” Fluttershy said.

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out. She smiled at Dawn. “I’m sorry I said those mean things about you, Dawn. I didn’t mean it…” Twilight shot Sunset a quick glare. “Really, I didn’t mean it.” She turned back towards Dawn. “Maybe I can make it up to you by helping sort out a room for you?”

Dawn’s face lit up into a smile once more. “That would be most appreciated, Mother Unit Alpha.”

Twilight nodded then turned towards Sunset. “Okay… but then what?”

Sunset sighed. “I don’t know. I guess we keep her out of sight for a little while? At least until we figure out a plan…”

A morose smile appeared on Twilight’s face. “I guess we don’t know if the world is ready for androids…”

Dawn sniffled and gave Twilight a sad look. “Are you ashamed of me, Mother Unit Alpha?”

Twilight’s brow crinkled. “No,” she answered as she looked at Sunset with a look of contemplative violence.

Sunset smirked. “If you want to take a swing at me, I’ll understand.”

Twilight sighed. “Violence isn’t really my thing… Dawn, please punch Mother Unit Beta in the arm.”

Sunset’s smile dropped. “Hey, wai—”

“Arm punching protocols activated.”

‘Pow!’

“Owwwww!” Sunset exclaimed as she rubbed her freshly punched arm. “Owie… Owie… Ow!” She began to talk through gritted teeth. “Nice swing, Dawn.”

“Thank you, Mother Unit Beta.”

“Ow, though!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Great… We’re just gonna have the violent robot sit in her room for a while so she can scheme to take out humanity.”

Dawn shook her head. “That is untrue. I am only programmed to formulate a plan to kill everyone I meet and have yet to be introduced to every human on the planet.”

Everyone turned to glare at Sunset, who grinned sheepishly in response.

“Uh… Oops?” Sunset offered.

“You know… Applejack has a point.”

Sunset and Twilight turned towards Rainbow Dash with a scowl and saddened look respectively.

“Hah!” Applejack exclaimed. “See! Rainbow Dash agrees with me!”

With a simmering expression, Sunset grumbled out, “And this is why Dawn made that ‘loyalty’ crack.”

Rainbow Dash raised her hands in front of her defensively. “Hear me out… I mean, look… there are a ton of movies dealing with the whole A.I. thing and a lot of them end kinda bad for everyone involved.”

Sunset raised fingertips to her forehead. “I don’t believe this,” she grumbled.

“Well, she’s not exactly wrong,” Twilight said.

Sunset’s forehead wrinkled in surprise and annoyance as she turned towards Twilight. “Don’t tell me you’re buying all this crud about movies!”

The left side of Twilight’s lips pulled her mouth into a frown. “Well, even if they are made for entertainment purposes, they also are designed to show the potential pitfalls of creating something that can think for itself…” Twilight leaned in close to Sunset. “… and it doesn’t look like we built in any fail-safes to make sure Dawn doesn’t hurt anyone… In fact, it quite seems the opposite.”

“Okay, but those have all been pretty funny… in hindsight,” Sunset countered.

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not sure if we really should be encouraging such behavior.”

Dawn began to sniffle once more. “I just want to state that my audible receivers are far more efficient than human ears, and also that I’m going to my room so Mother Unit Alpha can simply openly complain about my actions to Mother Unit Beta and all her friend units!” she announced dramatically before turning and running out the door again.

Twilight let out an exasperated sigh.

“Wow,” Sunset uttered, “this must be what it was like to have me as a daughter…”

“And yet I’m the one who has to deal with it,” Twilight grumbled.

Sunset shrugged. “Eh, she’ll be back.” She sighed. “Anyways, please continue, Rainbow Dash.”

“Hey!” Applejack said. “Why does Rainbow Dash get to voice her concerns over the homicidal death bot?”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “I think you just answered your own question, AJ.”

Rarity nodded. “You voicing your misgivings is starting to get a bit tedious, dear.”

“Also,” Fluttershy piped up, “her name is Dawn.”

“See!” Sunset said. “Even Fluttershy is getting sick of your griping!”

“Fine…” Applejack growled out. “Jus’ don’t come cryin’ to me when we’re all hooked up to big, scary tentacle robots as a power source…”

“Anyways,” Rainbow Dash continued, “movies with robots seem to go one or two ways… Either they learn to hate humans or learn to love them.”

Silence once again tiptoed into the room. Silence Sunset Shimmer viciously attacked with a sledgehammer. “Rainbow, if you suggest we need to teach our daughter ‘how to love’ I swear I’ll have you maimed… by someone other than Dawn as to not help prove anyone’s point.”

“I wasn’t!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “I mean… Kinda wasn’t.”

“Rainbow…” Sunset growled out. “Your ban is still in effect!”

“I was just going to say that if you want Dawn to learn to love humans and not start a robot apocalypse you should let her be one. You know… do regular human stuff.”

Everyone silently stared at Rainbow Dash.

“Er…” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. “I mean… just spit-ballin' here…”

Twilight smiled.

“Wow! Great idea, Rainbow!” Fluttershy exclaimed.

“Yeah, way to go!” Spike barked out.

Rainbow Dash sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. “Heh… You all really think so?”

“Why, it’s a capital idea!” Rarity declared.

“Mummmfff! Mmmmm! Mmmmhmmmm!” A completely wrapped Pinkie said.

Applejack cocked an eyebrow at Pinkie Pie. “Uh… Anyone else wondering how Pinkie managed to wrap herself from hair to toe?”

“Don’t change the subject!” Sunset hissed out. “Look, are you on board with helping Dawn integrate or not?”

Applejack let out a grunt. “Someone has to be the voice of reason.”

Twilight’s smile grew.

“Okay, but no more murder-bot cracks!” Sunset insisted.

“What if she actually kills someone?” Applejack asked.

“Doesn’t matter!” Rainbow Dash said as she walked over to Applejack and leaned an elbow on her shoulder. “If I learned anything from movies… and really, aside from Danger-Do books, I’ve learned everything from movies, if Dawn does go kill-crazy, she’s going to start with you ‘cause you’re the one who suspects her the most.”

Applejack’s face went as sour as if she had just taken a bite into a granny smith. “Ah hate how much that makes sense to me.”

Sunset smiled at Rainbow Dash. “That is a really good idea! I’m surprised it came from you.”

“Thanks, Sunset! I-Hey! Wait-a-minute…!”

Dawn ran back into the room, her expression a mix of embarrassment and exasperation. “Please input room parameters,” she intoned, clearly annoyed.

“Good news, Dawn!” Sunset said in an excited tone.

“Yes, Mother Unit Beta?”

“You’re going to high school!”

“… Mother Unit Beta, I believe you’re suffering database corruption as you just suggested going to ‘High School’ as a positive thing.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Yeah, we want her to learn to love humanity! Not come up with more reasons to destroy it!”

“Quiet, you!” Sunset demanded.

Twilight smiled at Dawn. “Don’t worry… I know that High School can seem boring and tedious… pointless even! A complete, absolute, waste of time!”

“Uh, Twilight?” Sunset said.

Twilight continued. “I mean… You likely have the entire wealth of human knowledge at your beck and call! What can you possibly learn in school?!”

“Twilight!” Sunset said more forcefully.

“Just… hours of your days spent listening to teachers that you know you’re smarter than! And don’t get me started on the constant fear of being judged by your peers!”

“Twilight!” Sunset yelled. “We’re trying to sell Dawn on the idea of going to school! Not give her more ammunition to hate the idea!”

“Oh, right… umm…” Twilight smiled at Dawn. “Your parent units will be there!” she said cheerfully.

“Processing…” Dawn said. Her sky-blue eyes flashed for a moment. “I have calculated that this fact likely makes things worse.”

Sunset and Twilight winced.

Sunset thought for a moment. “Just think about it as a chance for you to observe more humans.”

Dawn nodded. “So I can develop more plans to dispose of them individually. Brilliant suggestion, Mother Unit Beta.”

“Er… Maybe play that close to the vest,” Sunset said as she ignored a smug grin from Applejack. “Think of it more to practice integrating into human society.”

“Processing… This suggestion is acceptable.”

Fluttershy grinned sheepishly. “Uh… Maybe it’ll help if she stops saying stuff like ‘processing’.”

Rainbow Dash piped up, “Or we can just say she’s related to Twilight… I mean… that’s pretty much true and means most people would probably overlook any egghead weirdness.”

Fluttershy smiled. “That could work!”

Twilight walked over and placed a hand on Dawn’s shoulder. “Okay, but, uh, if you see someone you like, you know… like someone older or an upperclassman, and er… you start to feel jealous of other people talking to him, please talk your feelings out with Sunset or me before killing off any potential rivals for their affection.”

“Technically almost all humans on this planet are older than me, Mother Unit Alpha.”

Twilight nodded. “All the more reason to talk to your Mother Units about these feelings.”

Dawn nodded. “I have added the appropriate directive into my programming.”

Twilight smiled. “Good!” Twilight glanced around and noted she was now the receiver of many concerned looks. “Uh… please tell me I’m not the only one who’s played Yandere Simulator.”

Twilight’s question was met with silence.

“Okay… Just me then…”

Sunset shot Twilight an unsure smile. “We should maybe talk about your taste in video games… You know… for friendship reasons.”

Twilight sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. “I guess video games have sort of taken the place of social interactions for a few years…”

“Hey!” Spike protested. “You’ve always had me!”

Rarity tittered. “Considering you only recently have been able to talk, I don’t think that counts, darling.”

Fluttershy shot Rarity an incredulous look and bent down to cover Spike’s ears. “Don’t listen to her! She doesn't understand.”

“Uhhh… Could we refocus a bit, please?” Sunset asked.

Applejack piped up. “Well, to call a spade a spade, or a robot a robot in this case—”

“Maiming…” Sunset hissed out in a warning tone.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah was jus’ gonna point out that ‘Dawn’ doesn’t exactly look human.”

Sunset pursed her lips. “Okay… That’s actually a good point, but you’re still on short notice for how you said Dawn’s name.”

“Hey! Ah at least used its name.”

“Er, yes…” Fluttershy said. “But, well, you kinda had a tone…”

Sunset grunted in displeasure. “And you just called her ‘it’.”

“Ugh…” Applejack uttered. “Jus’ because Ah said Ah’d participate in this cockamamy scheme doesn’t mean Ah have to have a good attitude about it.”

Sunset stared up towards the ceiling and considered this for a moment. “Okay, yeah… I can’t really fault you for that.”

Rarity squinted and approached Dawn with a “Hmmm…” She smiled. “Well, a little makeup, some contacts, and perhaps an ensemble that hides her various uh… robot-cracks—”

Rainbow Dash snickered.

“Still banned!” Sunset reminded.

“—I do believe I can get her to pass for human unless she’s heavily scrutinized.”

“Er, okay,” Spike interjected, “but what about her smell? I mean… she doesn’t smell human.”

“Leave that to me!” Rainbow Dash said in an energetic tone.

“No!” came the overwhelming response from the others present.

“That’s it!” Sunset declared. “Rainbow Dash, go sit in the corner!”

“Ah, man…” Rainbow Dash said as she turned and obediently walked over to a corner, practically sticking her nose to the wall.

Fluttershy grinned down at Spike. “Humans don’t have the developed sense of smell dogs do… I’m sure a light spritz of perfume will help for the most part…”

“Alright,” Applejack said, “but how are y'all gonna get Dawn enrolled in school?”

A demonic smile slid across Sunset’s face. “Leave that to me…”

-~oo~The Next Day~oo~-

‘Knock, knock!’

“Come in!” Principal Celestia said as she peered past the microphone sitting on her desk to look at the metal light blue door of her office.

Sunset Shimmer walked in followed by a clearly nervous Twilight Sparkle. “Hey, Principal Celestia!” Sunset said. “Look… I have a potential student who just showed up under mysterious circumstances and was wondering if she could enroll here at Canterlot High.”

Celestia frowned slightly. “Is she a teenager?”

“She looks like a teenager!” Sunset replied.

The sides of Celestia’s lips began to rise like the morning sun. “Sounds good to me!”

Like a body it's reassembled from various pieces, it lives!

“Now wait just a moment here!” a woman’s voice called out in an authoritative tone.

“Ah!”

“Eep!”

Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle turned and jumped back toward Principal Celestia’s desk, laying eyes on Vice-Principal Luna. The school official was already fixing the three girls with a glare as if they had committed some sort of future crime she alone had pre-cognizance of. Twilight quickly decided that she was overexposed to the stern look and hid behind Sunset, her amethyst eyes peeking out fearfully from behind Sunset’s shoulders. Taking a moment to look at her fire-headed Mother Unit Beta and then further back to her glasses-wearing Mother Unit Alpha, Dawn decided to hide behind Twilight.

“Vice-principal Luna!” Sunset cried as she found herself the elected head of this conga line of fear. She forced a smile. “Uh-Hi! We didn’t think you’d be… hiding behind the door in Principal Celestia’s office because that sounds kind of crazy!”

Luna nodded. “I’m afraid I’ve had to resort to somewhat drastic measures to ensure my sister’s ‘laid back’ methods of running the school don’t land us in hot water with the local School board… or the police… or the national guard, honestly.”

Sunset turned and shot a glare at Principal Celestia.

“Oh, don’t look at me like this is my fault!” Celestia snapped.

“It pretty much is your fault!” Sunset exclaimed.

Celestia leaned her head over to look at Sunset, past the two other cowering girls. “Okay, but you wouldn’t even be a student here if it wasn’t for my, some might say ‘lax’, requirements for entry.”

Sunset grimaced. “Alright, fair.”

Luna narrowed her eyes. “I don’t say ‘lax’, I say virtually non-existent. I’d suggest that the only thing you require is that one is simply present and have a corporeal body, but I’m pretty sure you’ve already gone ahead and enrolled a ghost.” Luna shook her head. “With at least one student apparently no one has seen attending classes, taking tests, and handing in homework on time.”

Celestia shrugged. “The important thing is no one can prove Wallflower Blush is not a student here.”

Luna sighed. “No. The important thing now is you were about to let in yet another student just because Sunset Shimmer flashed a smile and asked nicely.”

“Hey, I only did that once!” Sunset protested. “… Twice if you count this time.” Sunset pointed past Twilight and Dawn at Celestia. “The Dazzlings? All Celestia.”

Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Wow. Would you maybe honk the horn on that bus before you run me down next time?”

Sunset suddenly wheeled around, ripping herself from Twilight’s grip much to the bespectacled girl’s dismay. “Oh! Like when you gave me warning before smashing right into me—” Sunset smashed her palms against each other producing a heavy ‘clap’ “—when pretty much the entire school was preparing for the Band Showcase?”

Celestia grimaced. “Alright, fair.”

Luna sighed. “Look, the past is the past and by some miracle we’ve managed to get by without any serious investigations—”

Twilight let out a small whimper of protest.

Luna fixed Twilight with a stern look. “—or gruesome deaths.”

Twilight swallowed.

Luna refocused her attention to Celestia, “Literally every student we’ve let into the school under mysterious circumstances has been trouble with a capital ‘C’ for ‘Cataclysmic’, and forgive me for perhaps profiling here, but both of you are pretty much directly responsible for two of those cataclysmic events. ” Luna motioned towards Dawn. “How is she different from these students of which you two form 40% of the total and account for 60% of the potentially apocalyptic events?”

Dawn stepped out from behind Twilight. “Well, Vice-Principal Unit—”

“Luna…” Luna corrected. “I am actually completely unsure as to why I had to clarify that just now.”

Dawn nodded. “Entry for ‘Vice-Principal Unit Luna’ has been updated.”

Luna said nothing and instead motioned towards Dawn with both hands as she flashed her elder sister the loudest ‘LOOK HOW WELL THIS IS GOING!’ look she could muster as Sunset and Twilight put on smiles that made them resemble two guilty parties standing next to each other in a suspect line-up.

“As I was stating, clearly the primary aspect that sets me apart from all other students of this school that have their ‘mysterious’ box checked, or even unchecked, I am an androi—”

Sunset and Twilight quickly covered Dawn’s mouth.

“She’s Twilight’s cousin!” Sunset quickly blurted out.

Twilight nodded her head up and down emphatically.

Luna pursed her lips slightly. “Okay, but why is she here… trying to enroll in this school?”

Twilight spoke up, “Her parents are going through a rough time and she’s staying with me for now!”

“Both things are technically true!” Sunset attested.

The pair of hands on her mouth slipped off as Dawn slumped forward dramatically. “I blame myself for this newly inputted information,” she said as a miserable expression came across her face. “Initiating sad, self-pitying mode.”

Sunset winced. “Aaaaand now I feel like a total d-bag. Thanks, Twilight!”

“Well you didn’t have to agree with me!” Twilight exclaimed. “Besides, ‘Sad, self-pitying mode’ has got to be all you!”

“That statement is accurate,” Dawn attested.

“I… just…” Sunset narrowed her eyes and threw her hands in the air. “I don’t always deal with my emotions in a healthy way, okay?!”

Twilight motioned to Dawn with her left hand. “Okay, but if you know it’s unhealthy why would you program that into Dawn?!”

Dawn turned to Twilight, her expression clearly not having improved at all. “I know I am not perfect, designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Cousin Twilight’. Why can’t you just accept me for who I am?”

Twilight cringed as she clenched her fists together under her chin. “I mean… I do! I just… I’m just still getting you know you… and it’s all just so new… and weird.”

Dawn sniffled. “Are you saying I’m weird, designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Cousin Twilight’?”

Twilight shuffled her feet nervously as she glanced from side to side. “Before I answer that, do you have a lie detection program?”

Sunset groaned and closed her eyes as she raised fingertips to her forehead. “Oh, Twilight…”

“Initiating hysterical overreaction cry mode!” Dawn exclaimed while a clear solution of something or another began leaking from her eyes.

“No! No! Don’t do that, please!” Twilight exclaimed. She turned to Sunset. “Sunset, why?!”

Sunset removed her hand from her face and shot Twilight an apologetic look. “Er, Okay… Your inability to apologize without making things worse aside; I’m sure that program was all me and… I’m sorry?”

Dawn continued in a pathetic tone, “Sob! Cry! Sob, Sob-sob! Cry! Designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Friend Sunset’ just wanted to put as much of herself into me as possible! Why must you be so judgmental, designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Cousin Twilight?!”

Luna’s forehead folded like a deck of cards that was also placed into vertically under a high-powered hydraulic press.

Sunset folded her arms across her chest and shot a glare at Twilight. “Okay, but the phrasing on that second to last sentence? I blame you for that.”

“Sniff. Sniff. Cry. Designation—”

Twilight leaned over and whispered, “You can stop saying ‘Designation-while-on-school-grounds.”

“—Cousin Twilight—”

“And ‘Cousin”

“—Unit Twilight is indeed responsible for most my language subroutines.”

Twilight groaned. “Okay… But what exactly is wrong with the statement ‘Sunset just wanted to put as much of herself into me as possible.’”

Sunset closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Phrasing,” Dawn said simply, seemingly breaking out of her emotional mode on the spot.

Sunset removed her hand and raised an eyebrow. “Wait… You’re programmed to understand accidental innuendo?”

Dawn nodded. “Yes, thanks to you. However, there’s no routine to stop myself from making accidental innuendos.” She hung her head and let her shoulders drop. “Oh, why was I programed to be such a bothersome and flawed unit?”

“Oh, Dawn! It’s fine! Really!” Twilight insisted. “Honestly you’re pretty amazing, flaws or not.”

“Right, right!” Sunset agreed. “You’re just as the gods intended you to be!”

Twilight turned and looked at Sunset with a flabbergasted expression. “Did you just compare us to deities?!”

“I mean, yeah! Kind of!” Sunset motioned to Dawn. “I mean, that’s a little fair, dontcha think?” Sunset leaned over and put her arms around Dawn. “Look, the important thing is that we both love you Dawn, no matter what we programmed you with or forgot to program you with.”

“Oh, er…” Twilight also leaned over and wrapped her arms around Dawn. “That’s right. By all accounts you’re a miracle of science!”

Dawn smiled. “Affection and reaffirmation of personality matrix received.” Dawn closed her eyes and pulled Sunset and Twilight close. “Initiating family group hug mode!”

Luna simply stared at this with a bemused look as she raced through the mental file cabinets in her head for an appropriate reaction… or any reaction at all.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Girls, I’m glad the three of you are working out… whatever it is you’re all working out, but I somehow feel this wasn’t a conversation you should've had in front of my sister and I.”

Sunset and Twilight winced and quickly broke from the hug looking like two burglars who just had a giant spotlight shined on them. Dawn took a moment to study both her mother’s features then adopted a look much like theirs.

Luna simply sighed and shook her head. “Well, the fact that she’s Twilight’s cousin explains her odd manner of speech such that I have no reason to question it further.”

Sunset and Twilight let out sighs of relief. Dawn again took a moment to examine her mother’s reactions then copied them.

“However, it doesn't explain why you two keep on mentioning this programming!”

“Dawn’s not an android!” Twilight blurted out.

Sunset smacked a palm over her eyes and held it there for a moment.

Luna raised an eyebrow. “Well… of course not… That would be pretty silly to even consider…”

Sunset removed her hand from her face. “Look, ‘programming’ is just… slang? You know? Like… ‘Hey do you want to go down to the cafe and ask the barista to program a shake?’ Or Uh… ‘Hey! Let’s go program ourselves a sandwich!”’ Sunset risked a quick glance at Celestia and noted the Principal was flashing her a rather skeptical look.

Luna just groaned and shook her head. “I am unsure how you students always manage to come up with new slang that’s somehow more senseless than the last new slang you invented, but here we are.”

Twilight let out another forced laugh, “Oh, it’s wacky alright! Like…” Twilight cocked her elbows and swayed her arms from side to side as if this somehow helped her example. “Who wants to help me program this complex algorithm that analyzes human speech and formulates an appropriate response! Hey, why don’t we—” Twilight airquoted “—’program’ up an entire rules set for identifying new objects and people and efficiently categorizing them!”

Sunset frowned. “Twilight, stop helping…”

Dawn nodded. “For instance, I might say that I have a program that is telling me this exchange would go much quicker if I simply applied a mere 2.27 kilograms of force to one or more temples, but I also have a separate program that is telling me that’s—” Dawn airquoted “—‘illegal’ and ‘morally questionable’ in this a situation matching this one’s current parameters.”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “Indeed.”

Sunset’s frown deepened, “Dawn, stop helping…”

Luna turned back to Sunset. “You know, she also reminds me quite a bit of you, Sunset.”

“Oh, I’ve known Dawn literally her entire life!” Sunset said cheerfully. “Which was a really stupid thing to say out loud, I just realized!”

Luna narrowed her eyes. “Wait, so you’ve known the girl your entire life, which would have to make her from Equestria, but she’s also Twilight’s cousin…”

Twilight’s face turned a lighter shade of purple as Sunset’s eyes darted all around her sockets as she searched for some sort of answer. “Er… Would you believe the answer is magic?”

Luna smashed a palm against her forehead. “Of course, that would be the answer with you two.”

Sunset nodded. “Yes, but the important part here is that you believe it!”

“Even if she does, that doesn’t explain anything, Sunset,” Celestia said dryly.

Sunset turned and shot a glare at Celestia for a moment before turning back to the others in the room. “Would you excuse us?”

“Uh, Sure?” Twilight replied in confusion.

“Quiet eavesdropping mode engaged!” Dawn stated.

Luna just huffed out a sigh and folded her arms across her chest.

Sunset leaned over Celestia’s desk and talked in a half-hushed, half-raised voice tone. “Why are you being difficult?! I thought you were on our side!”

Celestia matched Sunset’s tone and threw her hands up in the air. “I am, but really?! ‘Magic’?! That’s your ‘A’ game?! ‘A wizard did it’ is just like… a cheat mode that you shout out and hope no on calls you out on!”

“I… I don’t think I got a lot of sleep last night, alright?!”

Celestia sighed and messaged her closed eyes with a thumb and forefinger for a moment. “Okay, but I am sticking my neck out for you here.” She removed her hands and opened her eyes. “You know that, right? Luna might be a bit of a grump—”

“You two realize I can hear every word you’re saying, correct?!” Luna said in an incredulous tone.

“Yes!” Sunset replied. “And we appreciate your patience!”

Luna snarled as Sunset and Celestia continued their conversation.

“As I was saying, Luna might be an angry and joyless spinster who never makes breakfast—”

“Tia, you Craven Beef-witted Codpiece!”

Dawn burst out laughing. “Insult filed for future use!”

“What! No!” Twilight protested. “Sunset!”

“Busy!” Sunset snapped.

Celestia continued, “But my sister really does have this school’s best interest at heart, and I kind of owe her for the whole ‘you’ thing, and then the Siren thing… and then again when I let them continue to attend school!”

“You owe me for the Siren thing, too!” Sunset insisted. “You’d think I’d be madder about the first time, but no… No, really the fact that those three are a constant drain on my existence is much worse than them playing with my emotions a couple times and trapping my friends and I under a stage in an attempt to syphon our powers to go ‘hog wild’ on the planet!”

“Ugh… Fine! But this makes us even!”

“What?! Oh, you can’t possibly be serious!”

Celestia put on a fake smile and bobbed her head back and forth as she spoke in a higher pitch, “I’m Sunset Shimmer and if I just remind everyone that I’m a maaaaaagic pony all my problems go away and I won’t have to explain myself at all!”

Sunset let out an incredulous scoff. “I am not like that!”

Twilight thought for a moment. “Well… You do use that to explain your habit of eating grass and sometimes throwing off most your clothes and then frolicking into a field to… eat grass!”

“AH! Twilight!” Sunset protested. “Why?!”

Celestia smiled widely. “Oh, I’mma remember that one!”

Dawn nodded. “I, too, have filed that in my memory banks for future blackmail!”

“Damnit! I put too much of me into you!”

“Phrasing,” Dawn and Celestia said simultaneously.

Sunset growled and ruffled her huge mane of red-and-yellow hair with both hands. “FINE!” she extended her right hand across Celestia’s desk. “You’ve got a deal!”

Celestia shook Sunset’s hand. “DONE!”

“WHAT?! TIA! YOU CAN’T JU—”

“Putting Dawn’s admission to a all members present faculty vote in three-two-one!”

“Gha! Uh… Not until we have—”

Celestia raised her hand. “I vote ‘aye!’ My vote counts for more as NOT vice-Principal.”

Luna’s forehead began to cramp up. “Oooohhhh… You owe me for this.”

Sunset turned to face Luna with a smile suggesting that she was actually a big orange cat, and not a pony, a big orange cat that had perhaps caught a flying pet. “It’s not important where she came from…” Sunset motioned to Dawn. “The import thing is that she has a mind that’s eager to learn.”

Dawn nodded. “Yes, this unit possesses one mind that is eager to learn. Perhaps more in the future depending on hammer, jar, and embalming fluid availability.”

Luna groaned and raised a palm to her forehead. “Sister, do you have an ice-pack handy?”

“No, it’s fine!” Sunset said. “Dawn was joking! See… Twilight and I watched Frankenstein last night with her…” Realization was suddenly zapped onto Sunset’s face like a mad scientist throwing a lever in a lightning storm “…in all likelihood.”

Twilight let out a said sigh. “Probably… It’s my favorite movie even though it’s just so sad.”

“…Wait, sad?” Sunset inquired.

Twilight sniffled. “Yeah… Poor Doctor Frankenstein… Just… so misunderstood. His creation, too.”

Dawn wrapped comforting arms around her Mother Unit Alpha, “It’s alright Unit Twilight… We’ll be better… better than both of them…”

Twilight’s lips began to surface out of her sadness into a small smile and she patted Dawn on the arm. “I know, Dawn… I know…”

Sunset threw her hands up in the air. “How is it you two agreeing with me somehow made things worse?!”

Celestia cleared her throat to get Sunset’s attention then pointed her in the direction of Luna.

Luna lowered her hand. “Look… The REAL important thing here is that you convinced me Dawn is not a danger to anyone here at school,” she said, her voice once again becoming stern. “Yet knowing that Dawn is somehow magical only increases my suspicion that she’ll cause trouble!”

Sunset motioned to Twilight. “Okay, but she’s related to Twilight, right! And I mean… ignoring magical shenanigans, Twilight is a model student.”

Luna placed her hands on her hips. “I refuse to rule out magical shenanigans!” Luna said in a serious tone. “Magical shenanigans is, in fact, my primary concern!” She folded her arms across her chest and glared at Twilight.

Twilight flinched. “Midnight Sparkle was just the one time! I have her under control now!”

Luna’s forehead muscles once again constricted with a speed that made her worried she might have pulled something. “Wait, ‘now’?!”

“And that thing with my magic and the singing plants!” Twilight laughed nervously. “Total fluke! Won’t happen again!”

This time Luna was SURE she pulled a forehead muscle. “‘Singing plants?’”

Sunset quickly inserted herself in-between Twilight and Luna. “Look, don’t listen to Twilight, she’s just a little out of it! She and I were up late drinking age-appropriate stuff and erm… She was so out of it this morning she couldn’t even find her underwear! Turns out Dawn was wearing them!” Sunset’s eyes darted one way than the other nervously. “Hahahaaaaaaa...”

Twilight buried her bright red face in her hands.

“Observation,” Dawn began, “Friend Sunset, you have done nothing but made this situation worse with your last couple contributions to this conversation.”

“That I have, Dawn!” Sunset agreed with a nod. “That. I. Have.”

Luna once again shot her sister a stern look and motioned to Sunset with both hands.

Celestia just shrugged. “She’s not human, Luna. She’s a unicorn from another dimension who happens to have a human body when she’s in this dimension. How do you expect me to handle this?”

“I expect you to enforce school rules!”

Celestia tilted her head and looked at Sunset. “What she does off school grounds technically is none of our concern unless it affects the school or other students.”

“She’s corrupting Twilight!” Luna insisted.

Sunset raised an index finger and opened her mouth as if to protest, but then quickly lowered her finger and closed her mouth as she thought for a moment.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “I’ll admit that there’s perhaps a mundane law or two she’s broken with Twilight, but unless Twilight suddenly stops becoming a model student under Sunset’s influence, I don’t see that there’s anything Sunset has clearly done... recently“—

“Really?!” Sunset protested.

—“to warrant any sort of action from us,” Celestia concluded.

Luna again folded her arms across her chest and gave her sister the sternest look she could with a sore forehead. “I still strongly protest against the potential imbibing of alcohol amongst those not of age… Not everyone in this potential situation was originally a magical pony from another dimension.”

Celestia smirked. “You certainly didn’t protest when I turned twenty-one!”

Twilight’s eyes widened in surprise as Sunset flashed Luna the clearest ‘Ooooooh! Busted!’ grin she could manage.

“New information logged in blackmail fi—”

“Discussion over!” Luna snapped. “Dawn can stay!”

Sunset pumped a fist into the air. “Yes!”

“Alright!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Initiating celebration mode!” Dawn began to bob her body back and forth and rhythmically point one index finger in the air followed by the other.

“Under ONE condition!” Luna added.

“What?!” Sunset exclaimed, she cupped her hands over her mouth. “Boo, Vice-Principal Luna, Booo!”

Twilight shot Luna a worried look.

“Initiating, ‘what the heck’ mode!” Dawn exclaimed. She glared at Luna. “What the heck?!”

Luna grit her teeth. “Dawn has to fill out a proper registration form.”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Luna, where are we going to get something like that?”

“Sister, I’m already going to need to ice my head or get acupuncture or something… just… check the drawer second from the bottom on the left-hand side of your desk.

Celestia groaned. “Right, right… the boring drawer!”

“Yes, you insufferable weasel-snorting foppish courtesan—”

“HAH!”

“Insult filed.”

“—The boring drawer!” Luna exclaimed in an irritated tone.

With yet another exaggerated groan, Celestia reached down and opened one of her drawers. After some brief rifling through papers she came back up with a modest form of several pages stapled together on the left-hand side. She handed the paper to Dawn. “Okay, but classes are about to start and it’s going to take Dawn a while to—”

“I have completed filling out the forms as requested.”

“—Or not…” Celestia shot Sunset a quick glare.

“What! She’s related to Twilight, remember?” Sunset replied.

“I find that answer sufficient,” Luna said, “Though I didn’t notice that Dawn had a pen…” She sniffed the air. “And it smells faintly of fire in here, now…”

Sunset cringed. “Celestia sometimes smokes pot!” she blurted out quickly.

A nameplate suddenly bounced off Sunset’s forehead. “Ouch! What the hell?!”

“NARK!” Celestia exclaimed. She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest, “And reminding the entire school of your crimes or not, you’re now officially the one with the biggest bus.”

Dawn’s eyelids shut briefly and when she opened them they were glowing red. “Mother Defense mode engaged!” She said in a dark tone as she raised her right hand and pointed it at Celestia.

“Ah! AHHH!” Twilight practically dove on top of Dawn. “Disengage! Disengage!”

“Dawn, it’s fine!” Sunset said as she rubbed her forehead with her left hand and held up her right palm in front of her. “I mean… even I think I deserved that.”

“Girls, do you know what a cluster headache is?” Luna asked as she pressed her left hand against her her left eye-socket with enough force it looked like she might be trying to cave in her own skull.

Dawn nodded. “Cluster Headache is usually defined as a painful recurring headache associated with the release of histamines from cells.”

“That answer is utterly unsatisfying,” Luna said. “Let’s just say they go by another name, and that name is ‘suicide headaches’.”

“Look, I don’t smoke pot on school grounds!” Celestia said. “So that smoke couldn’t have been from me!”

Luna groaned. “Tia, that’s just one of many things I’m trying to unpack from the last few seconds!”

“Besides! Marijuana is legal now!” Celestia added.

Luna moved her hand off her eye and used both hands to force her forehead into a ‘glare’ directed at her sister.

“… In some states…”

“… An eighth…” Luna said simply.

“Uh… What?”

“An eighth,”Luna repeated. “That’s my price for allowing Dawn into the school and putting up with… Whatever it is that just transpired in this office.”

A somewhat stunned silence fell over the room.

“Luna… I didn’t know you smoked,” Celestia admitted.

“I’m Vice-Principal at a highschool that doubles as the entry gate to our world for all things magical and dangerous!” Luna pointed out. “I have to calm my nerves somehow.”

Celestia sighed. “Okay, but you know an eighth is kinda a lot…”

Luna nodded. “Yes. Three-point-five grams, to be exact. I am aware… It’s been quite the morning and we’ve apparently only just started.”

Sunset and Twilight continued to fidget nervously as Dawn followed their lead.

“Bruh…” Celestia replied in a sad tone. “Harsh toke.”

“An EIGHTH, Tia!”

“Alright, fine!”

“And absolutely NO smoking on school grounds!”

“What do I look like? Someone who isn't a professional?”

“Your looks have never been the issue, sister.”

Celestia shook her head. “Well, that smell still didn’t come from me.”

Twilight spoke up. “Well it certainly wasn’t because Dawn has a small laser built into her left index finger for writing in addition to a much larger and more destructive proton cannon in her right hand!”

All eyes were suddenly on Twilight.

“Hahaaaaaa! I mean… That’d be crazy to think!” Twilight said as she punctuated her statement with a rather unconvincing a grin.

Dawn nodded. “Version of the truth somewhat askew of reality mode activated: It would indeed be downright astro-nomical.”

Sunset cringed. “I am simultaneously proud and angry at you two… and also me… especially me!”

Celestia coughed. “You’re still in MY office with Luna and myself, Sunset,” she reminded.

Sunset swallowed nervously and mirrored Twilight’s grin. Dawn who once again checked her mothers for cues and copied them.

Luna spoke up, “I’m going to have a life-threatening aneurysm if I continue this conversation for much longer. Magic or not, Dawn is welcome so long as she doesn’t cause trouble…”

“Worry not, acknowledged person of some authority,” Dawn said, “causing trouble is designated as one of my least favorite things to do.”

“No seriously,” Luna said, “the top of my head feels like it’s in a vice that is also in a smelting pot.”

Dawn handed the packet to Sunset and Twilight. “All that’s left now is for my parental units to print their names, sign, and datethe packet.”

Sunset chuckled. “Okay, Dawn, Twilight will—”

“AH!” Twilight snatched the packet from Dawn.

“—totally freak out for no apparent reason!”

“I, erm… It’s fine!” Twilight said as she waved the packet around. “Geez, that’s warm… Uh…” she clenched the packet to her chest. “We’ll make sure Dawn’s parents, who are totally not us, erm…get this! And sign it! Yep! You’ll get it back soooon!” Twilight assured cheerfully and anxiously.

Sunset smacked a palm against her head. “Damnit, Twilight…”

A completely crestfallen look came over Dawn’s face. “Was… was I just disowned?”

Sunset added her other hand. “Double dammit, Twilight!”

“Could… could everyone get out of my office, please?” Celestia said. “I feel that was like… a day’s… maybe two days worth of Principalling done in a short period of time and I kinda just want to surf MyStable for the rest of the day and listen to Sublime albums, while definitely not smoking on school grounds.”

Luna’s forehead tightened briefly and then snapped back into place as a trickle of blood ran down her nose. “If anyone needs me, I will be in Nurse Redheart’s office. There is something of a chance that I will even be conscious.”

“Okay, so which one of us designated that ‘causing trouble’ protocol?!” Twilight asked. She, Dawn, and Sunset all walked down a hall of Canterlot High as other students quickly retrieved things from lockers and scurried on to their first class.

"Friend Sunset,” Dawn answered. “She wanted an override protocol just in case she programmed too many 'Mischief' sub-protocols and accidentally made me evil."

Twilight turned and glared at Sunset.

Sunset threw her hands up in the air. “Hey, Sober Friend Sunset may not remember doing that but Sober-me also thinks drunk mother Sunset knew what I-she was on about when she-me programmed in that fail-safe!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Oh, this should be good…”

“Look, an A.I. has like… an eighty percent chance of turning evil!”

“Statement: That’s racist, Friend Sunset.”

Twilight glared at Sunset who cringed at her robotic daughter’s observation.

Dawn continued, “but also demonstrably true, for every ‘Johnny Five’ there are four other evil robots waiting to destroy humanity or be reprogrammed as hilarious Three Stooges expies.”

“There! You see!” Sunset said motioning to Dawn with both hands. “Dawn knows the score! And I mean, the chances that I’d make an A.I. that wasn’t slightly more evil are, well… Slightly more likely than usual!”

Dawn nodded in agreement. “Without the proper fail safes and ‘don’t be evil’ subroutines, Friend Sunset’s influences would make me four point two percent more likely to become evil than the average artificially created being.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “You’re saying that if it wasn’t for a bunch of programming that was literally designed to prevent you from turning, there’s an eighty-four point two percent chance you’d become evil.”

“Negative.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “That did seem a little excessive.”

“There’d be a total eighty-seven point six percent chance. Unit Twilight adds an additional three point four percent to the total!”

“HAH!” Sunset exclaimed.

“What?! Oh, come on!” Protested Twilight.

Sunset chuckled. “Alright Dr. Twilight Frankenstein—”

“Who told you about my fanfic?!”

“Uh, wow!” Sunset shot Twilight a nervous grin. “Just going to power right on past that one… Look, we need to split up who gets Dawn when.”

A dejected look fell over Dawn. “Already my existence has caused a rift between my parents and now I am but a mere inconvenience to be passed back and forth. Initiating ‘Woe is Me’ Mo—”

“You! Hush!” Sunset said as swatted at Dawn’s arm lightly.

“Volume reduced to thirty percent.”

Sunset let out an exasperated sigh. “Twilight, what’s your first class?”

Dawn began to sing in a quiet, sad tone. “It’s hard to wake up♫ Sob.”

“Calculus,” Twilight answered.

“Uh… Isn’t that beneath you? I mean… it’s even beneath me…”

“When the shades have been pulled shut♫ Sniff. Cry”

Twilight smiled and shrugged. “An easier course load means more time to learn about friendship! The only thing better would be a school dedicated just to friendship.”

“This house is haunted♫ Sniff. Sniff. Cry It’s so pathetic♫.Sob. Sob. It makes no sense at all♫ Sniffle”

Sunset cringed. “No, Twilight… That actually sounds a little insane everyone is just supposed to pick up social interactions as part of school…” Sunset massaged her forehead for a second with a thumb and forefinger. “Anyway, I think Dawn should go with you. I don’t think she’ll get into too much trouble with math.”

Dawn’s tune immediately shifted to one a bit more upbeat. “Don’tcha think that I’m bound to react now?♫”

Sunset continued, “I mean… I don’t think we want Dawn in my first class…”

“Well, my fingers definitely turning black now♫”

“It’s biology… And Dawn’s already shown some… worrying tendencies…”

As if picking up on exactly what Sunset was getting at, Dawn changed her song again. This one once again a bit slower. “I’m a killer, cold and wrathful♫”

Sunset continued, “Especially into her thinking regarding humans…”

“Silent Sleeper, I’ve been inside your bedroom♫”

Sunset frowned heavily and motioned towards Dawn as if doing so proved her point.

“I’ve murdered half the town!♫”

“Honestly, I agree with you completely,” Twilight said.

“Left you notes on their headstones!♫”

“Oh, really?”

“She can use some time away from you,” Twilight stated. “You’re a horrible influence on Dawn’s behavior!”

“I’ll fill the graveyards♫”

Sunset raised an index finger and opened her mouth as if to protest, but then quickly lowered her finger and closed her mouth as she thought for a moment. “Alright, fair…”

“until I have you♫”

In a Mode

Sunset Shimmer stared at the gray-blue door with its large rectangular window that Twilight Sparkle and the pair’s android daughter would soon disappear behind as if potentially might swallow them whole and she’d never see either again. She turned towards Twilight. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Twilight smiled as she sat her gray backpack on the ground. “Does an isosceles triangle have exactly two equal sides?”

Sunset folded her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes. “No,” she said coldly, “because it has at least two equal sides.”

Twilight put her hands on her hips. “But that would include equilateral triangles!”

“Because equilateral triangles ARE isosceles triangles, Twilight!”

“Oh, that’s just your wishful, inclusive nature talking and you know it!”

Sunset motioned to Dawn. “Well let’s just ask Dawn what she thinks!”

“Yes, lets!” Twilight aggressively agreed.

The pair turned their android daughter expectantly.

Dawn’s eyes darted between the pair so quickly they made audible ‘wrrr’ sounds as they pendulum swung one direction then the other. “You two programmed me to avoid political discussions.”

Sunset and Twilight both took a few calming breaths.

“Alright,” Sunset said. “Well, it’s comforting to know we programmed her well in some regards.”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Hopefully it’s enough.”

“’Disappointment in Dawn Unit detected, initiating ‘Why don’t you love me?’ mode,” Dawn said electing a groan from Twilight. “Oh, Unit Twilight, isn’t there anything I do that you love?”

“Honestly, there are lots as you’re a beyond-modern-miracle of science by any and all metrics,” Twilight replied simply. “There are also aspects of your programming that I find troubling…” Twilight looked at Sunset. “I blame your parenting, to be honest.”

“Hey,” Sunset protested. “It takes two tocreate a dysfunctionally-functional miracle android!”

Dawn stopped for a moment. “Processing…” she said while she put on a thoughtful expression.

“Processing what?” Twilight asked.

“I’m calculating if I should be offended by the term ‘dysfunctionally-functional miracle android’,” answered Dawn. She turned to Twilight. “I also noted an unsatisfactory lack of theatrics generated from my previous statement directed at Unit Twilight.”

“You’ve been guilting me all morning!” Twilight exclaimed. “It was bound to get old sooner or later!”

Dawn puffed out her lower lip into a pout. “Drama levels still at suboptimal levels, imitating ‘overreaction tantrum’ mode.” Dawn’s eye narrowed. “You’re both so meeeeaaaaan!” she whined “Friend Sunset, why do you have to verbally attack me! And, Unit Twilight, why can’t you behave exactly how I want you to behave whenever I expect you to act that certain way that under no circumstances will I disclose or even hint at to you?!”

Sunset shrugged, “I use casual insults to display affection in a low-key manner… but also often very real annoyance. Sometimes at the same time!” She added with a smile. “Good luck untangling that mess, Kiddo.”

“And I’m not an enabler!” Twilight said.

“… I am,” Sunset muttered.

Twilight thought for a moment. “And I’m pretty much objectively nicer than Sunset…”

“There you go!” Sunset said. “If you just flip your expectations between Twilight and me, you’ll be set!”

“Calculating…” Dawn said as she seemingly pondered this. “Calculations complete. I have determined that would be far less entertaining for myself and those observing me.”

Sunset let out a laugh. “Okay, yeah. I definitely had more than a hand in programming you.”

Twilight simply replied with an annoyed grunt.

“Well, I suppose we’ve kept Ms. Cheerilee waiting long enough…” Sunset mused.

“Oh no, that’s fine!” Ms. Cheerilee responded cheerfully from the other side of the classroom door. “The longer you girls take to work out whatever strange, probably magical issues you’re dealing with on this particular day out there is just less time I have to deal with it in here!”

Twilight cringed and blushed slightly as Sunset ignored Cheerilee’s comment entirely and placed a hand on Dawn’s shoulder. “You be a good girl for Twilight while I’m away, alright?”

Dawn nodded as her pouty demeanor vanished in a second. “Understood, ‘Good Girl’ mode engaged.”

“See!” Sunset said as she motioned towards Dawn. “We even prepared a mode for her to be on her best behavior.”

“Friend Twilight, you look quite stressed,” Dawn commented in a soft voice.

Twilight sighed. “Well, it’s been quite the morning…”

“Perhaps I could help you… relax…” Dawn added in an oddly breathy tone.

Sunset’s left eyebrow raised.

“Uh…huh?”

Dawn continued, “I could… run my fingers over those tense shoulders of yours… or prepare a bath for one… or two.”

Twilight reacted as if a bolt of electricity slowly worked its way up from her feet to her head before she cried. “Sunset, none of what is going on is reducing my stress levels!”

“Er, disengage ‘Good girl’ mode, Dawn,” Sunset said.

“‘Good Girl’ Mode disengaged.” She glared at Sunset. “Why’d you stop me?!” She cried. “It was just getting goooood~!” she added in a whiney warble.

Sunset groaned. “Now disengage ‘overreaction tantrum’ mode!”

“‘Overreaction tantrum’ mode disengaged,” Dawn said. She turned towards Twilight. “Oh, Unit Twilight. Do you find me that disgusting that you won’t even let me touch you?!”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Disengage ‘Why don’t you love me?’ mode.”

Dawn huffed out a sigh. “Default ‘cold, distant, but oddly sassy’ mode resuming.”

“Seriously, girls!” Cheerilee called out. “Take aaaallll the time you need!”

Twilight’s stared accusingly at Sunset. “Sunset! How could you?!”

An embarrassed smile on her face, Sunset shrugged. “I uh… get kinda horny when I’m drunk? … Kinda really horny…”

“That’s no excuse to program our daughter to do that! I mean…” Twilight looked down at her index fingers as she sheepishly pressed them together repeatedly. “If you felt that way, you could have just asked…”

“Give me a break!” Sunset exclaimed. “You were probably completely face down in that metal chassis and too busy sciencing it up for me to ravage you in good conscience!”

“Can confirm,” Dawn chirped.

Twilight sighed. “Well… still… ‘Good Girl’ Mode?!”

“Master Twilight,” Dawn began in her soft tone oddly full of desire, “perhaps if you don’t want a shoulder massage…” Dawn paused to let her eyes slowly travel down Twilight’s body “…there’s somewhere else my hands would be better suited to rubbing?”

“Ah! Ah! Disengage! Disengage!” Twilight exclaimed.

“…Fiiiine!” Dawn replied irritably.

“You can even skip this class today if you need to!” Cheerilee added. “I’ll write you a note! I’ll write you five! Just… take the day off and keep all of whatever is going on behind that door away from me!”

A series of groans erupted from the other side of the classroom door.

Cheerilee addressed her class in an indignant tone. “Look, when you all start being involved in magical capers that threaten the safety of the school and world, we’ll talk!”

Twilight wordlessly glowered at Sunset.

“…Uh… I blame Adagio Dazzle…” Sunset said sheepishly

Twilight thought for a moment then sighed. “Alright, fair… Still! Who knows what other weird modes you programmed her with!”

“I possess a fully comprehensive list, friend Twilight,” Dawn answered. “In addition to “Good Girl” mode, I also have “Bad Girl”, “Girl next door”, “Open to alternative forms of payment pizza delivery person”, “Open to alternative forms of payment plumber”, “Open to alternative forms of extra credit student”, “Hot MILF”, “Little sister”, “Eager to make headmaster happy student”, “Eager to please daughter” and “Fluttershy”.

Twilight’s face got redder and angrier the longer the list went on as she glared laser beams at Sunset.

“All personally programmed by you, Unit Twilight!”

The color drained from Twilight’s face.

“HAAAAAaaaaaaah?” Sunset replied. She turned towards Twilight. “Okay. Just. What?”

“I BLAME ADAGIO DAZZLE!” Twilight quickly shouted

Sunset pursed her lips for a moment. “Okay, yeah, fair…”

“Addendum: Every mode was heavily encouraged by friend Sunset while she consulted with her three ‘wise men’…”

“… Wait…” Twilight said. “There were three men who helped us build you?”

“Processing…” Dawn replied, “Only if amber, liquid substances can be assigned gender and that gender exclusively is masculine.”

“Well… At least I know I need to pick up more bourbon, scotch, and whiskey…” Sunset mused.

Twilight motioned to Dawn. “Can we please focus on how the two of us apparently loaded Dawn with several ‘fantasy fulfillment’ modes’.”

“Unit Dawn likes where this is going!”

“Dawn, listen,” Sunset said. “I need you to really focus on what I’m saying…”

Dawn nodded. “‘Serious mode’ engaged.”

Twilight watched the scene in front of her expectantly.

“Did I really encourage all those different modes?!” Sunset grimaced. “Even ‘Fluttershy’?”

Twilight shot Sunset a disappointed glare as her shoulders slumped forward her nostrils flared in irritation.

Dawn nodded. “Fluttershy mode was encouraged thirty-four-point-four-two percent more than the next leading mode—”

“I don’t want to know!” Sunset blurted out.

Dawn nodded. She leaned over to Twilight. “It was ‘eager to please daughter mode’,” Dawn said in a not-at-all whisper-quiet tone.

The color drained from Sunset’s face.

Twilight just swallowed. “I really wish I could forget this whole conversation.”

“Initiating memory erasing mode!” Dawn said as the ‘wrrr’ of a power drill coming to life could be heard.

“Disengage,” Sunset and Twilight said in unison.

Dawn threw her hands up in the air. “Engaging ‘No fun allowed’ mode, I guess!” she cried irritably.

Sunset let out a heavy sigh. “I better get to class and also consider therapy for some of my more deep-seated mommy issues…”

Twilight nodded. “A completely reasonable set of priorities… I just hope everything goes smoothly with Dawn and me.”

“Worry not, Unit Twilight,” Dawn said, “I’m equipped with spackle, sand-paper, and a high-powered blending unit to smooth things in a variety of contexts and people.”

Twilight swallowed. “Sunset, I’m having second-through-seventh thoughts, here…”

“Welp, that’s my cue to leave!” Sunset said as she playfully swatted Twilight on the rear electing a short, surprised “Eep” from the girl before she turned and began walking away. “Don’t worry! Yooove’ got this~!” Sunset warbled.

“Stop SAYING that!” Twilight called back hotly.

“NEVER!” Sunset declared as she thrust a fist into the air.

Smiling to herself slightly as she rubbed the recently swatted section of her posterior, Twilight picked up her backpack then mustered her courage and opened the classroom door. A class full of curious teens and one cringing teacher stared at her as she and Dawn walked inside.

“Twilight!” Cheerilee said while forcing her best ‘definitely satisfied with her job’ smile on her face. “And, Ooooooh, good! You’ve brought a mysterious friend who clearly isn’t on my role sheet or anything.”

“Sorry, Ms. Cheerilee,” Twilight said earnestly. “This is my cousin, Dawn. Principal Celestia already approved her admission as a student.”

“Why of course she did!” Cheerilee replied in an oddly high-pitched tone. “Who’d ever think she’d or anyone else would have a problem at instant enrollments despite multiple incidents here at school?!”

“Oh please, teaching Unit Ms. Cheerilee!” Dawn began in a pleading tone. “My primary function while I’m in this class is to be the best error: subject unknownstudent I possible can be.”

Twilight pursed her lips in concern. “Advanced calculus. This class is advanced calculus.”

“Processing…” Dawn said as she put on a thoughtful situation. “Irreconcilable classification error with terms ‘Advanced Calculus’ and ‘High School class’.”

“And we’re already off to a GREAT start!” Cheerilee said, her voice and smile practically cracking.

“Please just give her a chance!” Twilight pleaded. “I’m sure Dawn will exceed your expectations!”

Cheerilee sighed and her voice returned to something a bit more even - if steeped in pre-disappointment, “Oh, I’m also sure that’ll happen one way or another. Please take a seat, you two.”

Twilight and Dawn quickly sat down in their seats in the front row, Dawn having already resumed her somewhat blank default expression as Twilight maintained one of worry.

Cheerilee motioned to a problem already on the chalkboard board. “Now then, can anyone tell me the answer to—”

Twilight’s eyes already began feverishly scanning the numbers and symbols drawn on in white chalk on a green board, however Dawn’s hand shot up.

“Uh, yes…. Dawn?”

“Cosine times Pi divided by three or one-half,” Dawn answered.

Cheerilee blinked. “Uh… Very good, Dawn!”

Twilight turned and smiled at Dawn. “Wow, I’ll say.”

Dawn beamed at Twilight. “I’m programmed to impress you, Unit Twilight.”

“Oh, I’m impressed for sure!”

Cheerilee began to clean off the board. “Well, if you’ll turn your attention to problem five—”

Dawn’s hand shot up.

“OH!” Twilight said in realization as she leaned over and unzipped her backpack. “Hehe, guess you’ll need to see the—”

“Yes, Dawn?” Cheerilee said.

“As x approaches infinity from the right, y equals three cosine x over x approaches 0,” Dawn answered.

“—text… book?”

Cheerilee stared at Dawn for a second then glanced down at her desk. “Why… Why that’s correct!” she said excitedly.

Dawn smiled. “I’m also programmed to be best at math!”

Twilight frowned heavily. “But… but I’ve been programming myself to be best at math ever since I learned what numbers were…” she bemoaned. Twilight took a deep breath and put on a determined smile. “Guess I’ll just have to push my limits a bit.”

“You also downloaded the complete knowledge of all your textbooks into me,” Dawn added.

“Oh…. Oh no…” Twilight murmured.

“Oh, yes,” Dawn purred out.

Across the school, a drama of a rather different sort was beginning to unfold

“Ms. Shimmer,” Mr. Doodle said, his gruff voice clearly grumpier than usual as Sunset entered the classroom, “sooo glad you could join us,” he added, not bothering to disguise his sarcasm.

Sunset just smirked. “Sorry, Mr. Doodle. Just had a little something I needed to take care of this morning. I’ll do my best not to disrupt class with any out-of-the-ordinary shenanigans. “

Mr. Doodle pointed. “It’s far too late for that, Ms. Shimmer.”

Sunset followed the finger to a sight that made all her base mammalian urges simultaneously vie for control of her body at once. The result was a rather awkward grimace-smile as one leg shuffled towards the door and the other scooched her closer towards the desks.

Adagio Dazzle was sitting at a desk.

Correction.

Adagio Dazzle was lounging. Her legs crossed and on top of the desk as she rested against her mass of hair. Hair that she had basically managed to turn into the world's fluffiest beanbag by stuffing it into the space between her desk and chair which was affixed via metal pole to the desk.

“Hello, lover,” Adagio purred as Sunset made semi-unwilling eye contact.

“Adagio!” Sunset exclaimed in mock enthusiasm as she walked over and took her seat. “Twilight and I were just talking about how you are kinda ruining our lives!”

This just caused Adagio to grin widely. “Ah, then I’m doing my job, it seems.”

Sunset sighed. “Speaking of jobs, why are you even here?! I thought you got an actual job, against all odds,with a noted marked uptick in having valid tax documents and far less chance of you getting picked up for solicitation and thus stopped from going to school entirely!”

“Oh, I still check in every now and again to see what my dear friends in the springtime of their youth are up to.”

Sunset’s forehead crinkled. “Are you trawling for high school students?!”

Adagio smirked wickedly. “Once they hit 18, the law and I no longer have a problem with each other!”

Sunset cringed. “… Really thought you wouldn’t openly admit that…”

Adagio paused for a moment and extended a hand. “Hello. My name is Adagio Dazzle. I like sex. Have we met?”

“Is there anyone in this class you haven’t ‘met’?”

Adagio took a cursory glance at everyone in the room. “No,” Adagio said simply. “Consider all those boxes marked.”

“LADIES!” Mr. Doodle snapped. “If you haven’t noticed, we’re trying to have a class here.”

“Well, not like… very hard or anything,” Vinyl quipped from the row in the back.

“Totes,” Treehugger agreed as the two girls exchanged a rather lazy fist bump.

Mr. Doodle shot the two girls a warning growl and turned back to the primary targets of his ire. “That’s QUITE—”

Adagio pointed at Mr. Doodle. “Marked that particular box several times… Or I guess he marked mine…”

“—enough of me trying to interrupt your conversation.”

Sunset gave Mr. Doodle an incredulous look. “Okay, I know Adagio Dazzle kinda ‘doesn’t count’, but you’re married for crying out loud!”

Mr. Doodle folded his arms across his chest. “Who said my wife wasn’t there?”

Sunset inhaled sharply through clenched teeth, as did most the classroom. “Okay… I brought this pain upon myself.” She turned back to Adagio. “So why are you here?”

Adagio flashed Sunset a smile reminiscent of a predator about to devour its prey, which probably wasn’t far off, “I’m given to understand we’ve got a new student at school and I wanted to—” Adagio licked her lips “properly introduce myself.”

Sunset’s features tightened in confusion. “What?! We’ve only been at school for about an hour, how can you—” realization hit Sunset like a balloon popping in her face. “Pinkie Pie…” she growled out.

Adagio chuckled and produced a smartphone. “Pinkie Pie…” she confirmed as she flashed a text conversation littered with cheerful emojis which she proceeded to ‘dance’ one way than the other in front of Sunset. “I know all about Twilight’s ‘cousin’, and I can’t wait to get to know her…”—

“In the biblical sense.”

—“In the biblica—Damn, you’re fast.”

“Jinx!” Sunset exclaimed exuberantly as she slugged Adagio in the shoulder.

“Owwww…” Adagio moaned. “Sunset, you’re so rough… hit me again…” she purred.

Sunset closed her eyes tightly than began to massage her temples with her fingertips. “Ugh… hopefully Twilight is having a better time…”

-~o~-

“Speed is the absolute value of velocity,” Dawn answered.

“Right!” Cheerilee answered.

Twilight sighed. “In hindsight, I didn’t need my textbook for that one…”

-~o~-

“4”

“Right again!”

Twilight grit her teeth, “Okay, now you’re clearly picking questions that’ll just irritate me!”

-~o~-

“Three hams and a box of gravy.”

“Correct!”

Squinting from behind her glasses, Twilight held her textbook sideways and began flipping through the pages rapidly. “Why is that question even in here?”

-~o~-

“Look,” Sunset said sharply. “I’m sure you have wild and wicked plans for Dawn, but while we’re in class I’d really like to pay attention to… uh…”

“The reproduction cycle of Goblin Sharks,” Mr. Doodle informed as he wheeled a TV in front of his desk. He held up a rectangular box in one hand. “I even have a disk that goes into great detail regarding these oft-misunderstood creatures.”

Sunset’s forehead tightened. “What are they actually gentle, or something?”

MR. Doodle shook his head. “Oh no! They’re much worse than most dare to imagine.”

Adagio suddenly sat up in interest, adjusting her legs and hair so she was sitting at the desk like an attentive student.

Sunset cringed as she laid eyes on the disk. “Seriously? Why?!”

Mr. Doodle narrowed his eyes. “If I’m not having a good time, no one gets to have a good time!”

Sunset groaned. “Still a better option than just dealing with Adagio for an ho—”

“Would you pipe down and let the man start the movie, already?!” Adagio hissed out.

Sunset turned towards Adagio in confusion for a moment before her features softened. “Wait, let me guess… This is the closest to watching porn at the school for you without commandeering a school computer.”

“Oh please,” Adagio said as she swatted at the air dismissively, “like I’ve ever had to resort to watching porn at this place conveniently filled with nubile teens with raging hormones and teachers trying day-in and day-out to keep their taboo fantasies in check.”

“… Okay, you got me there,” Sunset admitted.

Adagio continued, “I suspect this video will be nostalgic for me if nothing else.”

Sunset eyes widened as her mind attempted to sort out an appropriate response to that. Finding one, she turned stared wide-eyed at the TV. “I brought this pain upon myself…”

“Sunset, it was horrible!” Twilight declared as she practically flung herself at Sunset who instinctively wrapped her arms around the distressed woman.

Fighting her own feelings of lingering nausea, Sunset swallowed and looked past Twilight with a horrified expression that suggested she might see the usually green lockers painted with red from blood. “What?! What did Dawn do?!”

“Friend Sunset,” Dawn began, “I have a detailed log of events if you’d like to—”

“She answered all the teacher’s questions before me!” Twilight cried pitifully. “It got to the point where Ms. Cheerilee was just picking random questions out of the calculus book! … I mean, really, really random!”

“Initiating ‘smug grin’ sub-routine,” Dawn chirped as she did just that.

Sunset’s face tightened as he held Twilight at arm’s length. “That’s your problem?!” Sunset exclaimed. “I thought she might have killed someone!”

“Not to worry, friend Sunset,” Dawn said. “There was no reason to terminate any other unit’s life.”

“Well, she killed the only enjoyment I get from”—

“The lights stayed on the entire time, for instance.”

— “attending classes here! Showing I’m the smartest person in the room! I mean, aside from” —

“The chairs and desks are affixed to one another making them awkward bludgeon tools.”

— “learning about friendship, there’s basically no reason for me to come here and spend hours out”—

“And at no point did Unit Twilight or any other unit hand me a sharpened pencil or another pointed implement.”

“— of my day when there’s so many more intellectually stimulating things I can do with my time!”

Sunset sighed and rolled her eyes. “While I can appreciate that line of thinking, I mean… Dawn posses our combined knowledge backed behind some sort of super-speedy artificial brain that we’re both only smart enough to make when we’re blackout drunk… Of course she’s smarter than us!”

Twilight wiped the tears from her eyes. “That does make me feel somewhat better.”

Sunset nodded. “Also, Adagio visited me in my class and then proceeded to ‘coo’ and gush over a video on Goblin Shark reproduction like she was going over someone’s baby photos, so I clearly had a much worse time this period!”

“Not as bad as me!” Mr. Doodle called out.

Twilight’s eyes shot open wide. “Adagio is here?!”

Standing outside the classroom door, Adagio turned and shot an indignant look into the classroom while she began liberally air-quoting. “Hey, I keep offering to turn each class I attend into ‘Sex-Ed’ but you prudes keep insisting there are ‘permission slips’ required and also that what I’m actually suggesting is ‘highly illegal’.”

Twilight gasped. “She is here!”

Adagio began to mumble to herself. “I mean… when there’s no cops around, anything’s legal…”

Sunset’s brow furrowed. “Twilight, she was standing right there and she’s twice as much hair as she is woman. How could you possibly miss her?”

Twilight began sheepishly pressing her index fingers together. “I guess I was a bit focused on finding you first so you can make me feel better, is all…”

“Awww… bring it here…” Sunset said as she leaned forward and hugged Twilight. “I’m sure we can go on another bender and program a ‘stop overshadowing your poor, insecure mother unit’ mode.”

Twilight returned the hug. “I’d like that.”

“Initiating ‘let me get in on that’ mode,” Dawn said as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the two women.

“See, Twilight,” Sunset began, “everything worked out in a significantly after-school special fashion, and it’s not even second period yet!”

Twilight sighed. “Do you have to ruin every hug with a quip?!”

“Yes,” Sunset answered, “it’s my own personal defense mechanism to keep myself at least somewhat emotionally detached so I don’t start crying after every little bit of affection someone shows me.”

“Inquiry:” Dawn began, “Which one of you would the hypothetical ‘stop overshadowing your poor, insecure mother unit’ mode be for?”

“I deserved that…” Sunset uttered.

“Oooooo,” Adagio purred out, “let me get in on that action, too!” with that, Adagio wrapped her arms around the trio. She placed her lips close enough to Twilight’s ear that they brushed against it as she whispered. “Just in case you already forgot about me…”

Twilight involuntarily shivered as Sunset groaned. “Believe me,” Sunset said, “We’d forget about you if we could.”

The familiar sound of a drill powering up caused confusion to sprout up on Adagio’s face as Sunset and Twilight both froze in place. “Disengage!” the girls shouted as they broke the hug.

Dawn merely let out a disappointed sigh.

“Well… that’s a strange… and super-nerdy method to end a hug,” Adagio observed.

Sunset rubbed her forehead in frustration. “It’s better than being unexpectedly penetrated…”

Adagio let out a short laugh. “Threaten me with a good time…”

Twilight groaned. “There’s got to be some sort of accidental innuendo coefficient that increases when you’re around that can be studied…”

“I didn’t follow all that, but I assume you’re asking me out on a date,” Adagio replied.

Sunset rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “You know, you’re not far off, for Twilight.”

“What?! No!” Twilight declared. “I mean… Sure, dates and scientific experiments both elicit a number of predictable and overlapping reactions for me if done right and if one looks at studied a Venn diagram of such things it'd basically be a circle, but…” Twilight frowned heavily. “I have no counter argument.”

“Statement:” Dawn began, “It’s comforting to know my conception was suitably romantic.”

Sunset grinned. “Oh, sparks were flying alright.”

Both Dawn and Twilight cringed.

“Initiating ‘thumbs down while booing’ mode!” Dawn declared while she gave Sunset a thumbs down and began booing.

Adagio grinned wickedly as she lightly brushed a hand across Twilight’s cheek. “Well, maybe you and I can put on some lab-coats and get ‘scientific’ some evening together.”

Twilight swallowed. “Well, I mean… That doesn’t sound completely repulsive and…” Twilight turned. “Sunset?”

“Yo.”

“Help.”

Adagio grinned wickedly as she clasped the side of Twilight’s face with both her hands and placed her face against Twilight’s other cheek. “Oh, you’re doing fine…” she murmured.

Sunset shook her head. “Hey, if I knew what phrase or action would get Adagio to leave me or anyone I knew alone, I’d have started employing it quite some time ago!” Sunset shivered. “I mean, if you spend too much time trying to work out what she’ll say ‘no’ to, you just end up learning too much about what things make her say ‘yes’.”

“See!” Adagio said to increasingly worried and red-faced Twilight. “It’s easier if you don’t resist…”

“Observation:” Dawn chimed in. “I’m starting to feel rather ‘left out’ of current events.”

Adagio suddenly let go of Twilight, much to the purple-skinned girl's relief mixed muddled with more disappointment than Twilight would ever care to admit. “Sorry!” Adagio said. “‘Shy, vulnerable, and awkward’ just so happens to be one of my types…”

Sunset smirked. “Let me guess, and the other is”—

“Anything with a pulse!” Adagio hastily added.

— “Anything with a pul—Damn your shamelessness!”

“Jinx!” Adagio said gleefully as she slugged Sunset in the arm.

Dawn’s eyes narrowed. “Initiating defense-mode for friend Sun—”

“Again, sorry!” Adagio said as she quickly pivoted placing her face inches away from Dawn’s. “Your cousin was distracting me with her irresistibility.”

“Yeah, she does that,” Sunset said.

“Sunset!” Twilight said as her cheeks flushed crimson. “I…erm… uh… thanks…”

Adagio continued. “My name is Adagio Dazzle, and it’ll be your absolute pleasure to meet me,” she said in a sultry tone as her eyes focused sharply on Dawn’s bright baby-blues.

Dawn’s brow creased in confusion as her lips pursed and twitched. “Error: Can’t initiate ‘self-defense’ and ‘prospective lover’ modes at the same time!”

Adagio let out a laugh. “I didn’t hear anything that sounded like a ‘flight’ reflex there, so if the other two ‘f’s are how you react to meeting me, well…” Adagio caressed Dawn’s cheek. “We’re going to get along swimmingly.”

“No, seriously,” Dawn continued in the same robotic tone, “I detect I’m going to be eaten and mated with at the same time. Does. NOT. Compute.”

“Ooooh, and you’re so observant as well…” Adagio said, as her smile turned devilish. “How simply delicious…”

“Sunset!” Twilight shrieked. “Do something! I only have one idea and it’s just to offer myself up in Dawn’s stead!”

Adagio turned sharply. “You wait your turn.”

“See!” Twilight said. “And it’s not even a good idea!”

“Alright, alright,” Sunset said as she not-so-gently made some space between Adagio and Dawn by placing her hands on their shoulders and pushing the Dazzling away. “Look, you wanted to make your introduction, you have, now if you’ll excuse us, the three of us have classes to attend and pretend we’re interested in.”

“I already told you,” Adagio said, licking her lips as she looked at Dawn, “I meant a proper introduction. Besides,” Adagio shifted her attention to Sunset, “if you knew how to stop me, you’d have done it already.”

Twilight swallowed. “Sunset?”

Sunset thought for a moment, then a smile slowly began to dance across her face like a fire slowly spreading over a dry woodland. “Dawn, initiate ‘good girl’ mode, target: Adagio Dazzle.”

“What?! Sunset!” Twilight shrieked in protest.

Adagio’s forehead wrinkled almost instinctively as Dawn’s demeanor suddenly changed from ‘hopelessly confused’ to ‘demure, yet eager’. She took a step forward. “Adagio Dazzle Unit?” She said in a soft, unsure tone. “Your recent actions indicate your lips are feeling dry. Perhaps I can moisten them for you…” she suggested with a blush.

“Suuuuuunseeeeet!” Twilight whined.

Adagio took a step back as she suddenly regarded Dawn with suspicion. “Wha…what is this?”

Sunset smirked. “It’s ‘good girl’ mode. Weren’t you paying attention?”

Dawn took a step forward and continued. “Or perhaps there’s something else I can do for you? Some chore that requires a lot of bending over or climbing a ladder that also requires I’m dressed in a low-cut dress with a short skirt?”

Twilight simply let out a distressed ‘Why is this happening!?’ squeak.

Adagio took another step back. “No, seriously,” she said. “What game are you playing here?!”

Sunset’s smirk turned into a demonic smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know…” she purred out.

“Or perhaps I can help cleaning your own clothes? You must get awfully hot and bothered in that tight outfit with all those spikes…”

Adagio turned. “Right. I’ll just be leaving very quickly then!” She announced as she began to quickly walk away.

Dawn matched her pace. “Please, master, I only live to serve you so long as this subroutine is still in effect.”

“Stay away from me, you depraved nymphomaniac!” Adagio shouted as she broke into a run, uttering a quick “… Oh my God, what is happening here…” before Dawn likewise began sprinting.

“Well, that was satisfying,” Sunset said, still smiling widely to herself.

Twilight turned to Sunset in awe. “How… how did you know that would work?!”

Sunset shrugged. “Honestly, I gave it about a fifty-fifty chance Adagio’s natural predator instinct would short-circuit from someone throwing themselves at her or she’d simply just jump all over that.”

“What?!” Twilight exclaimed in a disbelieving tone. “I can’t believe you’d gamble with our android daughter like that! Adagio could have corrupted her!”

Dawn’s voice shouted from down the hall, “If clothes are not an issue, maybe there’s something else I can clean? Your feet must be getting hot and sweaty in those boots from all that running!”

“How are you this fast?!” Adagio cried out.

“Right,” Sunset said dryly. “Because that’s a legitimate concern….”