Apple Bloom scrubbed and scrubbed, but the mud came off slowly. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Piggington was sparkling clean. Apple Bloom turned to gather the brushes and bucket – Splosh! Apple Bloom found herself covered in muck and turned to see the recently clean pig now wallowing in thick mud. Apple Bloom sighed as she prepared to start cleaning the pig again.
“Whoa, what happened to you?” asked Applejack as she trotted up to the pig pen.
Apple Bloom, the mud dripping off of her, responded in an annoyed tone, “Well, Ah was done cleanin’ Miss Piggington, but it seems Ah’ve got to start over again. What are you up to ’sis?”
Leaning over the fence post, Applejack related the day, “Well, Ah just got back from the market. Ah sold a whole heapin’ of apples and pies. And Rarity stopped by.”
“How’s Rarity t’day?” asked Apple Bloom.
Applejack tipped her hat back slightly. “Oh, she’s fine. Workin’ on all our’s dresses for the Grand Galloping Gala.”
“Will I be your plus one again?”
“Ah wouldn’t have it any other way,” declared Applejack with a smile. “Well, Rarity told me a Mister Border stopped by to see her. He would like you and the fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders to come help them with their daughter’s cutie mark.”
“Ah’ll go meet the others right away.” Looking at herself, she added, “Right after I take a bath.”
***
“Dear, I’m sure Scootaloo would love to see your rock collection,” prodded Hyacinth.
Her face lighting up with excitement, Mica eagerly hopped off her chair and turned to the pony sitting next to her, “Follow me. I have a big collection of rocks and minerals in my room. I’ve got: alabaster, basalt, chalk, dacite, epidote, feldspar, gneiss, hornblende....” Mica’s rambling voice trailed off as the two fillies climbed the stairs and walked down the hallway.
With the two girls gone, an awkward silence hung over the living room. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom stared across the coffee table to their hosts, two unicorns sharing a loveseat. The male, a large stallion with a few strands of gray hair intruding upon his black mane, sat rather uncomfortably. The middle-aged mare still showed traces of youthful beauty despite her slightly-overweight and weary appearance. She remained silent, taking a long sip of her tea.
“So,” began Sweetie Belle hesitantly, “what is it you wanted to talk to us about?”
“Well,” began Hyacinth as she nervously sat down her tea cup and saucer, “it’s about our daughter.”
“Is somethin’ a matter with Mica?” asked Apple Bloom.
“No, no,” assured Hyacinth. “It’s just that –” She paused as she tried to find the right words.
“It’s her cutie mark,” clarified Border, running his hoof through his mane.
“What about it?” asked Sweetie Belle. “She has a cutie mark.”
“Yes,” said Hyacinth. “And we’re so very proud of her. You see, our situation is... we aren’t exactly sure what her mark means. Both Border and I know what our cutie marks are telling us. My mark shows I’m good at gardening.”
“And you see this?” he asked, pointing at his flank. “This is a theodolite on a tripod. I got it when I earned my surveying merit badge as a colt scout, and I’ve been working in the business ever since.”
Hyacinth continued, “You saw her cutie mark. It looks like a traffic light.”
“It’s a stoplight,” said Border. Further explaining their concerns, he asked, “But what could it mean?”
“I thought that she could be a traffic cop, you know like the ones in Manehattan,” Hyacinth said.
“Maybe...” pondered Sweetie Belle.
“Did you notice that it’s actually a red light?” asked Apple Bloom.
Sweetie Belle’s face lit up at the observation. “That’s it!”
“What?” asked Border.
“The red light,” said Sweetie Belle, expecting everypony to know instantly what she meant.
“Could you explain it to us?” asked Hyacinth.
“You daughter is meant to work in a red light district!”
“What!?” asked a stunned Border.
“She’s meant to work in the adult services industry,” clarified Sweetie Belle.
“What!?” echoed Hyacinth.
“She could be a Lady of the Night.” Seeing the two parents sitting there speechless, she explained, “You know, an adult entertainer, bawd, bedwarmer, bimbo, broad, brass, call filly, call girl, cocotte, escort, fifty-bit filly, floozy, harlot, hoe, hooker, hustler, magdalene, mare tonight – gone tomorrow, midnight mare, moll, night mare, paid fillyfriend, streetwalker, strumpet, slut, tramp, wench, whore.”
“Wow, you sure know a lot of words for prostitute,” noted Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, Twilight gave me a thesaurus for Hearth’s Warming,” responded Sweetie Belle.
“She did? Funny, she gave me a book on reducin’ one’s akcent,” said Apple Bloom, wondering if there was a hidden message to the gift.
“Really, I wonder what she’s driving at?”
“Girls,” interrupted Border. “My daughter is not going to be a prostitute.” Meanwhile, Hyacinth continued to have a shocked expression upon her face.
“Well,” continued Sweetie Belle, “she could still work in the industry.”
“Yeah,” added Apple Bloom, “she could be a mistress.”
“Or a pole dancer.”
“Or a stripper.”
“Or a movie star.” Seeing Apple Bloom’s confused response, she clarified, “A porn star.”
Upon hearing Sweetie Belle’s words, Hyacinth finally fainted. Border held his wife in his forelegs, then turned to the two Cutie Mark Crusaders, “I think you should go – now.”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stepped outside and waited for Scootaloo. After a long time their fellow Cutie Mark Crusader emerged from the house. “How did it go?” asked Scootaloo.
The other two fillies shared a concerned glance. “Actually it didn’t go well,” replied Apple Bloom.
“Mica’s parents didn’t want to hear our analysis,” confessed Sweetie Belle.
“Really?” asked Scootaloo.
“Yeah,” said a sad Apple Bloom. “How was the rock collection?”
“It was really cool. She had lots of samples. She also showed me her other project.”
“What’s that?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“She’s really into electricity and electronics. She’s made a capacitor, inductor, and a battery,” continued Scootaloo.
“Huh,” remarked Sweetie Belle as she began to think.
“Yeah, she’s even building a working stoplight for Ponyville.”
Author's Note
It's amazing what you come up with when it's 2:30 in the morning and you're still not asleep yet. Your mind tends to come up with the most... original of ideas.
Dreadnought
