Immortals: Book One - Immortal High

by Lastingimage24

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 19143

High school can be a pain... When you're immortal.

(WARNING: Contains A LOT of intentional OOC) The books tell of Celestia's battles. Between her sister, Discord, etc. But no one seems to understand what it was like beforehand. When Celestia was a loud, obnoxious, impulsive teenager. When Luna was a anti-social, non-tolerant, bookworm. When Discord was their friend. When he was just another teen, albeit a bit... mixed up. When Celestia's dad was still alive. When he ruled alongside a griffon. This is the story of Tia's high school years, and the unbreakable bond she shares with her dear friends Luna and Discord.

Note: The cover art is kinda terrible, I know. I haven't got a chance to finish it, my comp died. Celestia is not standing, she is sitting on a bench with Luna and Discord. There's no bench cause I haven't finished it yet.

Published 2011-12-04 17:58:04 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-28 03:50:57 UTC

Prologue - Every Morning

Immortals: Book 1 - Immortal High

Prologue

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Celestia moaned and shifted in her bed. The darned thing was loud. She brought her pink frilly sheets over her head and tucked it under her muzzle. She was not in the mood for any physical activity at all today. She should have been getting up for school, but she decided against it. I’ll just wait until Luna wakes me up, she thought, maybe she’ll bash my head with that lamp again; it was pretty fun the last time. A thought had passed her mind of telling Luna she was a masochist, but she thought better of it. I’ve tortured her enough for the week, she thought with a chuckle.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

That beeping was getting annoying. She should have gone to sleep earlier yesterday so waking up wouldn’t be such a pain, but no she just had to stay up until three in the morning. Celestia rolled over and let her eyes adjust to the brightness of the morning. She smiled. It was definitely worth it though. Last night was fun.

ALFALFA ALFALFA ALFALFA ALFALFA ALFALFA

Wait… that wasn’t right. Celestia poked her head above the sheets to get a look at her alarm clock. Her eyes adjusted to the sudden change of depth and with it came a clear vision of a small green letter “T” with a digital display spelling out “SCREW YOU” in a LED letters.

“What the hell?” Celestia managed to blurt out whilst staring at the strange new item in her room.

“Good morning, Tia!” A sultry, taunting voice yelled beside Celestia. She screamed and nearly jumped out of her bed. She caught sight of the serpent-like creature floating upside-down with mismatched appendages smiling, in a mocking manner, arms crossed.

“Discord?! What the fuck, man?” the white, pink maned alicorn squealed in complete shock.

“Hahaha! The look on your face right now is priceless! I think I really am getting good at this ‘god of chaos’ thing.” Discord stepped down to his usual bi-ped demeanor. “Like what I did with your boring old clock?” Discord chided with half-closed eye lids. He enjoyed Tia’s frazzled hair and frantic mannerisms that contradicted her usual calm and collected personality.

“No I do not!” Tia yelled in frustration. “You scared the living shit outta me!”

“Language, Celestia, honestly,” Discord tsked as he wagged his finger-talon-thing. “That’s no way for a princess to speak!”

Tia had to hold back a smile as she turned away from Discord. “Up yours,” she retorted whilst trying to shake the tired out of her. Today is going to be a LONG day, she thought with a sigh. She was startled out of her thoughts with three loud thuds on her door. Discord glanced towards it, mildly interested.

“Tia, you okay? What was that racket?” Luna yelled from behind the door before opening it to investigate. She was presented with the questionable image of her sister with a frazzled mane and wide-eyed expression with a smug god of chaos floating next to her bed.

“D-Discord? Did you… sleep here?” Luna asked with a twisted face of horror, realizing what she might’ve come across. Discord found this hilarious and started laughing hysterically, practically in stitches. Tia, however, was not amused and stumbled out with a blush.

“NO. What’s wrong with you, ya sicko?”

“Look who’s calling who a sicko,” Luna chided, particularly relieved at her reaction. She instantly started regretting at what she had implied. Cue the awkwardness… Luna thought as she shuffled her hooves. She decided to change the subject before an awkward silence took hold. Well, it would have been silent if it wasn’t for Discord’s laughter. “We have to get to school, Tia. I don’t want to be late.”

“Wait, whaddya mean we?” Tia asked quizzically as she finally got out of her bed, trying to untangle herself from her sheets. Discord had finally stifled his laugh to a small comedic wheeze. “I’M the one that goes to high school, little Luna.”

“Not anymore Tia,” Luna sighed.

Has she honestly forgotten already?

“I’m a freshpony this year, remember?” It saddened Luna to see that her dear sister didn’t care for her life other than their interactions together.

Celestia instantly lit up and squeezed her hooves together to squish her face in a comedic puff. “Oh yeah, that’s right! We finally get to go to school together again!” Celestia’s thoughts turned to their time as grade schoolers, always hanging out at lunch together. It was a real shame when Celestia and Discord entered middle school; they got separate lunch/recess periods. Luna handled it well, but Tia was distraught. Those were good times.

Luna had to hold back a smile, trying to force it down with thoughts of her sister’s selfishness. “Yeah, whatever.”

“So, little Luna goes to high school this year?” Discord mused while edging towards the midnight blue alicorn. “Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as Tia says it is. It’s much worse.”

“Well my point is that it’s pretty shit!” Tia laughed while slapping Luna on the back. Luna sighed. She really hoped that they were joking.

Tia had always told Luna horrific stories of her high school experiences, but always in a light hearted tone. “Well, today I got the crap beat out of me and almost got raped by this really big guy!” She would say, her mouth still full of the pie she was eating, that stupid grin on her face. “But luckily I screamed loud enough and the coach saved me. He started blackmailing me, though, saying I should have some way of paying him back. Hahaha!” She would put her arm around Luna in an almost drunken stupor, laughing loudly. Luna would chuckle uneasily and try to scoot away from her loud sister. She could never tell if Tia was making up her stories, or telling the truth. She wasn’t drunk (usually) but she sure acted like it.

“Don’t worry, little Luna, we’ll protect you,” Discord said mockingly. Luna couldn’t tell if he really was mocking her or if he was being serious. Saying the god of Chaos was unreadable is a laughable understatement.

“Hey Discord,” Celestia said taking a step forward. “Lay off the ‘little Luna’ nickname, she’ll get teased.” Luna looked up at her sister, surprised to hear her somber tone, but not so at the stupid grin she wore. Luna’s nickname was fitting; she was a good foot shorter than Tia. Despite the two year age difference, Luna was still considerably small for her age, much smaller than Tia was at her age. Luna could actually pass for a filly, if it wasn’t for her baritone voice.

“C’mon Tia, you know I don’t mind that little nickname,” Luna said, not catching her pun. “In fact, it has grown on me.”

“I know, I know… but high schoolers can be vicious…”

“Celestia’s right, Luna. You don’t want to give them a chance.” Discord added while putting an arm over Celestia. “Though I have to say, it will be difficult when Tia’s your sister.”

“That’s ri- Wait! Just what does that mean?” Celestia extended her hoof to slap Discord with feign anger.

Before Celestia could hit him, Discord slithered into the air in an act of self-defense and agility. “Well come on Tia, just look at your face! I’m having a hard time not punching you right now.”

“Why you little-“ Celestia sputtered, reaching up to snatch Discord’s serpent-like figure out of the air, missing horribly.

Luna rolled her eyes. “Come on guys; get a room.”

Before Tia could reply, Discord interjected, “Wouldn’t this be the room in question?”

Luna eyed her environment, dumbstruck. Celestia snickered with a hoof to her mouth.

“Oh, right…”

Luna left the room remembering that she had a School to go to as well. After she was gone, Celestia and Discord remained quiet.

After a while she started to eye him. “Well go on then!”

Discord was busy with his thoughts, that smug smile plastered on his face. Tia’s outburst snapped him out of his reverie. “Huh, what?”

“I need to get dressed for school.”

“…And?” Discord asked, puzzled.

“I won’t let you just watch me.”

“…Why not? You’re not normally clothed, Tia.” Discord deadpanned.

“Well, yeah… but it’s a little creepy if you just… stare at me.”

Discord rolled his eyes and headed for the window. “Sure.” Whipping his body back and forth to get air, he rocketed out the window. He did a backflip in order to close the window, and then kicked off the wall to propel himself even faster towards his house.

Celestia watched with half-closed lids as she muttered, “Show-off.”

“OKAY KIDS, TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL.” Josephner (Ya-sef-ner) yelled in his royal Canterlot voice.

“Dad, you’re doing that thing with your voice again.” Luna groaned as she slung her backpack across her spine. “Plus we’re already leaving.”

“Oh. Whoops, sorry.” Josephner apologized as he rubbed the back of his mane. His reading glasses were balanced on the tip of his snout, with a newspaper in his hooves and a cup of coffee floating next to his head. He was a brilliant stallion; the only fully grown horse in all of Equestria. His elegant silver ephemeral mane was complimented by his pitch black coat, his neon green iris seemingly glowing in soft, caring eyes. He was over 1,839 years old, his era being one of the most peaceful in history, along with his co-ruler, the beautiful, and spastic Chaos. Chaos was… well, chaotic. And she was a griffon. Her chaos mixed with Josephner’s forgiving and kind demeanor allowed them to be incredibly effective and a great judge of character; always just, but never cruel. “Luna, have a great first day of school.”

“Thanks dad!” Luna replied, the rare, genuine smile spreading across her face.

Celestia entered the room, heading towards the front door along with her sister.

“Celestia.” Josephner called, causing the white pony to cease. Josephner lowered his reading glasses and said through a warm smile, “Stay out of trouble.”

Celestia smiled and replied as if it were a challenge. “I’ll try. No promises.”

After sharing a laugh the two ponies left the quiet house to the even quieter streets of McLavender drive. Josephner had the option of living in the castle as all the other monarchs have, but instead chose the quiet streets of the average suburbs. He had claimed that the silent neighborhood would be a more suitable environment for him, his wife Marlabel, and his two kids to live. He couldn’t have been more right; it worked wonders for stress.

If only Marlabel had lived seen her two children grow up to be their flawed, but wonderful ponies they are today.

As the sisters trotted down their driveway, Celestia decided to voice some of her thoughts to Luna, whom was deathly silent. “Man, Dad is weird.”

Luna nearly tripped, the rude comment catching her of guard. She recoiled in rising anger, but before she could comment, Celestia elaborated.

“I mean he’s not like ‘creeper’ weird, I meant the effect he has on ponies.”

Luna stared at her sister, slowing down to a walk. She honestly didn’t know what to think. Was she leading into a compliment or criticism?

“Seriously, he’s like a complete push-over. Yet he’s so nice, and so forgiving, you feel terrible when he shrugs off major delinquencies completely, not even sounding disappointed.”

Oh. She was doing that thing again. Celestia would sometimes get really depressed, and then when it looked like she was going to become suicidal, she would make this very intellectual observation on life and go back to her old self. This cycle last anywhere between five seconds, to over a month.

“It makes you feel like shit, and leads you into changing yourself so you don’t make the same mistake again.”

Luna blinked through wide eyes. She was right. Dad must’ve been the nicest pony on earth; he could be a pushover at times. In fact, Luna couldn’t remember if he had ever taken disciplinary action towards either of the two. “Yeah… Dad’s really cool like that. But what brought this up all of the sudden?”

“Well I was thinking and found myself surprised at actually how much I loved him.” Celestia looked at the ground, then at the sky. For a moment, her face fell in what might have been days. “I really love you both. And Discord.”

Luna found herself having a look of sympathy for her sister. She knew Tia loved her family dearly, but she hardly ever spoke it. It must be horrible to think that your family believes you don’t appreciate them. But what caught Luna off guard was saying she loved Discord. She said it not in physical attraction, but in a way that made her believe Discord was part of the family. Perhaps he was. The three were friends ever since the first grade.

“Tia… don’t beat yourself up.”

Celestia instantly lightened up at her sister’s interjection immediately, as if the world had been lifted off her shoulders. “Nah, don’t worry. If I ever did it would be for the fun of it!”

Luna rolled her eyes with a faint smile. At least she’s back to normal. However normal that may be.

“Aw, did I miss sad-sack Tia?” Discord mocked as he stepped up next to Celestia. “What philosophy did you spew up this time?”

Luna shot Discord an angry gaze, but Celestia put her arm around Discord’s neck, squeezing him against her chest. “Oh you know, I was just suggesting we kill you before your more trouble than your worth.”

“And how much trouble am I worth, exactly?” Discord chided smugly, playing along.

“About a genocide or two. Be careful though; you’re losing points fast.”

The two immortals burst out in a healthy laughter. Luna rolled her eyes for what have might’ve been the umpteenth time by then.

She couldn’t say she was particularly thrilled going to school with her sister and Discord, but hanging out with them made her feel inexplicably happy. Guess that’s the way family makes you feel sometimes…

Luna’s thoughts were interrupted by the force of a certain pure white Alicorn slamming in her face. “Aw, what the-“ she was interrupted (once again) by the force of the ground hitting her haunches.

“Luna we’re here.” Celestia apologized as she helped her little Luna up. “We take the bus, ‘member?”

Luna chuckled nervously. “Oh, right.”

The three waited for the bus on that soon-to-be familiar bench, Discord sitting in a very curious manner, Celestia joking as she reached out her arms around her two friends, and Luna sitting quietly in a dog-like position because of her size. This is going to be one hell of a High school year.

Chaos shifted in her seat, the stress of the day building up. She became more and more restless by the absolute idiocy that was in her talons right now. “’Bill 101: The Right To Fart In Public’? ‘Bill 329: Homes For The Lazy’? ‘Bill 230: Cutie Mark Class For Those Unfortunate Enough To Not Get Them Before The Fifth Grade’?”

She took one last look of the stupid inconveniences that could’ve been remedied via simple problem solving. Instead, they came to the Queen to help. “Seriously, it’s like me and Josephner are the last two living creatures with a brain!” She threw all of the ridiculous bills and propositions on the desk in front of her. “This is a job for Josephner. I solve practical problems, damn it!”

Chaos rubbed her temples with her talons, realizing how useless the attempt was. If only Josephner was here, I could coax him into giving me a backrub or something. Hooves feel heavenly compared to this crap.

She looked at her talons and cursed at them. “Useless pose-able thumbs, I wouldn’t need you if I were just a unicorn.”

Chaos slammed her head against her desk and muttered something under her breath.

“Fucking stupid-ass ponies.”

“Ahem.”

The griffon raised her head and found herself looking at a pitch black horse with those out-standing features, looking down on her with a sideways frown. “Oh. OH! Oh h-hey Josephne… Josephner…” Chaos smiled nervously and started backing away at the authority figure, nearly tipping the chair backwards. “Wait a second- Why am I scared of you?”

“Good question.” Josephner said, his former frown slipping into an innocent smirk. “Come on now, let me get to work.”

Chaos got up aggressively enough to scoot the chair she was sitting in backwards a little, providing enough room for her co-ruler to sit after her. “I don’t know how you put up with all of this bullshit.”

“I enjoy it,” The black alicorn deadpanned. “Now go do something you enjoy.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” The job could be boring if you don’t have someone doing the grunt work. Luckily for Chaos, Josephner enjoyed solving the people’s problems. Chaos enjoyed the large-scale stuff, such as attending massive court sessions, or making trading deals with other nations. It was how she could create the most controlled, harmless chaos without killing anybody or pissing off her subjects. That’s how she found husband after all.

Before leaving, Chaos turned her head and faced Josephner, staring at his calm expression before mustering up the courage to ask him that question that has been bugging her for quite some time. “Josephner?”

Yes, Chaoita?”

Chaos cringed a little from her full name, but continued to speak. “Did you ever wish that… you could’ve died along with your wife?”

The severity of the abrupt question caused the calm horse to look up from his work. He stared at her with those soft, sympathetic eyes, trying to find his answer.

“Hmm… Why yes, I think I have,” The alicorn looked blankly down at his desk. “But… that’s not a good mindset to be in. I admit I have thought it at a time, but I had to remember that she would have wanted me to be unaffected by it. And that I have ponies to care for. Not just my daughters but my nation too.” Josephner looked back up at Chaos, whose gaze drifted elsewhere. “Why?”

“Just… wondering.” Chaos turned to leave once more, but Jospehner halted her.

“Disner was strong, Chaos. You should reflect that. I’m here for you.” Josephner smiled. “Also, it’s not a wrong thing to think, it’s just… unadviseable.” Josephner got up from his desk and started to walk towards the seemingly troubled griffon. “It’s the unfortunate side effect of being an immortal. We all shall out live our friends, our loves, possibly our family.” He put a hoof on her shoulder as gently as he could. “But we must be strong. We all grieve the dead, but sooner than later we must move on.”

Chaos felt herself lighten up and smiled back at the alicorn. He turned back to his desk to continue his work. Chaos felt as if it were necessary to ask him another question. “Would you consider remarrying?” She asked, her taunting voice mirroring that of her son’s.

Josephner nearly fell over his own hooves, his knees instantly becoming weak. Barely having the ability to catch himself from falling to the floor, he tried his best to make it appear he didn’t lose his composure. Josephner was handsome, that was something Chaos didn’t deny. She was kind of into the whole inter-species romance, her 'first time' being with a deer, and her husband being a buffalo. It was a fetish she embraced fully. But she herself didn't know her own feelings for the stallion. Neither did she know how Josephner felt; he was very… unreadable, this stupid look of joy and caring never leaving his face. Not one who was particularly skilled at showing her emotions she decided to mask her uncertainties with teasing the alicorn. Not only did it seem like she was flirting with the stallion just for the laughs and not for her actual attraction to him, but it was also pretty damned hilarious.

“W-why would y-you ask that?” Josephner tried to say casually through a cracking voice, horribly failing.

Chaos stifled a chuckle; as she left she sang, “Just curious!”

Luna. That was it. She had lost her last friend. The last one she truly cared about. Celestia entered her room, closed the door, and stood. For what seemed like decades, she stood. She stood until her legs gave out. She hit the ground with a thud. She tightened her legs until she couldn’t anymore. It looked as if she was hugging herself. It was starting to actually chafe, her grip shredding her own skin. As if she believed she could squeeze the existence she lived in to oblivion. To kill her history. Maybe reconstruct it to absolutely suck a little less. She couldn’t be strong anymore.

She cried.

She sobbed.

Chapter 1 - Lessons and Trials

Immortals: Book 1 - Immortal High

Chapter 1 – Lessons and Trials

“That’s bullshit, LEARN HOW TO DRIVE! Hey, you’re better off using a chariot grandma!”

Luna held herself to the sticky leather seat of the large, rundown bus. The driver was a light blue earth pony with a gruff five o-clock shadow and tired, impatient eyes. He was driving like a maniac, weaving in and out of traffic, WITH A 20-FOOT-LONG BIG YELLOW DISEAL FUELED BUS HOLDING FORTY CHILDREN. Luna frantically observed her surroundings: Discord and Celestia were casually chit-chatting, a few freshponies were in the fetal-position, a few were gluing themselves to the seats using their unicorn magic, a dark green pony with the most bored expression on her face, and the world whizzing past outside the window.

Well if I die, at least I’ll die knowing Tia died with me. Too bad Discord has to go, though.

“What is wrong with you ponies, we’re all going to die and you all don’t even care!” Luna yelled through wide and tearing eyes. Celestia looked at Luna, puzzled. Then she remembered her first ride with Discord.

“Oh, don’t worry Luna, you’ll get used to it.” Celestia patted Luna’s head reassuringly.

“B-b-b-but he’s driving into oncoming traffic!” Luna screamed, not attempting to lower her voice.

“Little Luna, his cutie mark is a large yellow bus. This is his special talent; he can’t possibly fail.” Discord remarked. His facial expression darkened, and his smile widened. “…Unless I’d like to wreak some havoc.”

Luna screamed. Celestia rolled her eyes and elbowed Discord, hard. Discord recoiled in pain and yelled, “Hey! I was just kidding.”

Celestia put her arms around Luna and pressed her up against her chest. “Shu-sh-sh-shhhh. Don’t worry little Luna, I got you.” Luna tried to voice her distress, but Celestia gripped her too tight, her voice muffled by Celestia coat. “I won’t let the mean, mean, bad pony hurt you. Or the donkey, griffon, dragon, deer, ram, thing either.”

“Hey, watch yourself.” Discord stated. Discord wasn’t exactly sensitive, but he got annoyed if you made comments about his appearance. Celestia just smiled at him through closed lids, as if to say, ‘Sorry.’

“Let go of me ya psycho!” Luna yelled as she was able to unmask her mouth. Celestia loosened her grip a little, allowing Luna to inhale sharply for some air. “Damn what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing at all,” Celestia sing-song’d with a smile.

“Why would you do that?” Luna asked as Celestia finally let go. She was still a little bewildered at her sister’s spontaneous actions.

“Well, think about it like this: Have you noticed we’ve made it to school alive?”

Luna looked around herself. The bus was at a standstill and all the students stood up and began to trot out of the yellow deathtrap. Well, except for the freshponies that passed out.

“Oh.” Was all Luna was able to say as she stood up and began to trot out as well. Tia rolled her eyes playfully through a smile and began to trot after her sister. Discord followed suit.

Luna could barely walk, her knees kept giving out every couple of steps. Never again. I’m frigging flying to school; I don’t need a stupid flight license, that bus is more dangerous than lack of training. Luna held the lamppost next to her in order to regain her equilibrium and composure. The sight of this made Tia laugh obnoxiously loud.

“The magic school bus a little much for you?” Tia called impishly as she stepped up to comfort her sister… who slapped her hoof away with great annoyance.

“You are SUCH a douche!” Luna uncharacteristically yelled, loud enough for all the students surrounding them to hear. Tia reacted innocently to this, defending herself.

“Hey, hey, if I knew it would affect you like that, I would’ve never let you on that bus. It’s been the norm for me for a while and I guess I forgot how crazy it could be the first time around.”

Luna scoffed. “Fine.” She walked up to Tia and hit her playfully in the shoulder. Discord finally caught up to the two alicorns. At that moment it seemed half the crowd around them stopped, and became silent. Luna investigated, and found all the jaw-dropped ponies were freshponies. Why are they staring at us? We aren’t that interes- Luna froze her thoughts as she came to a realization, Oh duh. We’re all royalty; not to mention Discord looks like the result of an animal blender. She saw some of the older students silently chuckling to themselves.

What’s so funny?

On cue, Celestia violently wrapped her arm around Luna and Discord’s neck, Discord being a little more knowing. He wasn’t bothered and played along. “YES! Your eyes are lying on royalty!” Celestia yelled at the top of her lungs, her voice sounding very… regal. “You shall love us! And respect us. We will be the center of your attention! Today, I have before you my sister.” Celestia released Discord and held up Luna so she was facing the crowd. Luna was too bewildered to act. “She will be under my protection!! Hail! Hail! Kneel before her, foals. Kneel, I say!” The terrified freshponies frantically bowed, the sweat rolling off their brows. The elder classponies nonchalantly got on their knees, obviously playing along. Tia abruptly dropped Luna, making her fall to the floor like a neglected foal. Tia then motioned Discord to the front. He smiled a wide, incredibly unsettling smile.

“And I? I am the son of Chaos, our beloved queen! That’s right; the god of chaos stands before you: Discord!” After yelling this in an amplified voice, he laughed maniacally, using his powers to make thunder crack behind them. Looking at the hopeless, terrified faces of the freshponies, Luna had to admit: this was actually pretty funny. She may have even laughed if she wasn’t just dropped like a pile of shit. “Do not upset me for I can, and will, find my revenge.”

There was silence for a moment. A deathly silence. Then, Tia and Discord both cracked up, along with a couple of upperclassponies. In stiches, Celestia breathed, “Man, you freshponies are too easy!” The ponies still somewhat uneasy, Tia elaborated. “We aren’t really like this, guys. Just think of us as any other classmate.” Tia wiped a tear from her eye. “We just do this every year to break that ‘royalty’ tension.” The unsure faces of terror turned into uneasy faces of acceptance. Pretty soon the freshponies lightened up, beginning to chuckle themselves.

Discord approached the two alicorns as the other ponies left, “Works every year. Excellent performance there, Tia.”

“And you as well.” Tia turned to Luna who looked at her sister, unsure what to think. “Sorry about that Luna, but it feels really weird when random people start giving you gifts just because your royalty. Doing what we just did prevents that jazz.” Luna thought about this. She had to admit, she would’ve hated the attention. She then turned to Celestia and smiled.

“Okay, okay. I guess it was necessary.” Tia smiled back and offered her hoof to help Luna up. Luna accepted it. “But give a little more warning next time, m’kay?”

“Haha, nope.”

“Are you serious? I mean, is this a real session?” Chaos asked in utter disbelief. The pony suing the defendant just looked at her. If it were any other pony he would’ve yelled at them in frustration and rage, but this was the damned queen of Equestria, Ms. Chaoita herself, mother of the god of chaos. She pointed at the offender, “You’re actually suing this pony, on charges of…” Chaos picked up some papers trying to hold back a laugh. “…assault on the good nature of your fruit?” Chaos began to laugh hysterically, rocking the podium she was sitting in.

“W-w-with all due respect, your highness,” the offender’s lawyer stuttered, sweat literally pouring off his brow, “This is a very serious crime-” The pony’s lawyer began to say, but then got cut off by Chaos’ sultry voice.

“No. No it’s not.” She deadpanned, a very large, sarcastic smile spreading across her face. “You know what a serious crime is? Killing ninety-seven innocent ponies as a cover up to one murder, that’s a crime.” Chaos flew towards the lawyer as she said this, leaving her incredibly high royal balcony. “You know,” She began to say again, flying upwards and floating near the ceiling so all the ponies in the room could see her. “The Clop Nixxon case? He robbed forty-seven banks and killed twenty-four security guards. How about the .22 Case? The pony who etched all of his target’s names into the bullets of his pistols? He killed about thirty-one good people.” All eyes were on Chaos, the elegant brown feathered griffon who had one talon on her chest and one outstretched as if she were presenting something. “And guess what? I didn’t attend any of those trials.” She stopped flapping her wings and started to fall. She aimed at herself at the suing pony in the left most part of the room. She flapped her wings softly once she got low enough to touch down. She landed on table with grace and faced the pony who wanted monetary compensation for an incredibly simple thing. “And YOU expect ME, Chaos, to attend and determine a court trial for such a thing as trivial as business principle, hmmm?”

“Uhh…” was all the pony managed to say.

“Look,” She stated honestly, “I don’t blame you; it’s not your fault. You don’t know any better.” She rolled her eyes, the obliviousness occurring to her. “But trust me; this is just an excuse for money. Even if you’re telling yourself it’s not; that you actually believe it to be not so? No. You want money, we all want money. Well, except me, but I don’t want to sound full of myself.” Chaos took a look at the defendant who had the biggest, almost adorable smile on his face. Not a malicious one, but a genuine one filled with the joy of knowing the Queen was on his side. He looked like a good pony. “So could you pretty please drop the charges? For me? I’m not ordering you to, I’m ASKING you to.” Chaos noticed the lawyer shooting a look of displeasure at the pony. The pony looked unsure and confused. Alright, Chaos thought with a smile, time to bring out the big guns. She leaned in closer to the terrified pony. She whispered, “After all I’ve never done it with a pony before…”

The pony froze, blood rushing to his face. His pupils nigh disappeared, and his noise began to drip a little blood. The lawyer was the only other pony able to hear her, and he nearly fell out of his chair. His face was red as well. “U-u-uhhh… n-no thanks…” He began to say. Chaos was a little disappointed; he was pretty handsome, but most ponies found griffons to be extremely unattractive, for whatever reason. Also she would have to sit through this damned pointless tri- “I drop t-the charges.”

Wait, what?

The pony whispered in Chaos’ ear, “Not because of your seduction, but because of what you said.” Chaos turned in surprise. Well it looks like old stupid pony had a soul. She was impressed. The pony smiled, “You’re right. This is stupid.” Chaos heard the screech of a chair and turned to investigate. It was the defendant. He stood up on his hind legs and began clopping his hooves together slowly in applause. The pony pressing charges began to as well, then the judge, followed by the jury, followed by the audience. Pretty soon the entire royal court erupted in a grand applause, all for Chaos’ words of wisdom. She smiled, the loud cheering of the crowd roaring in her ears. She took the pony she had persuaded, picked him up with her talons and landed a giant kiss on the pony. Poor guy never had a chance.

“You’re serious?” Celestia asked in disbelief. Luna face-hoofed.

“Eeyup.” Sir Apple deadpanned. “All the electronics have failed, disappeared, or exploded. In all of Equestria.”

“And no one can remember how to make them?

“Nnnnope. It’s like everyone’s knowledge of technology have been wiped clean.”

“Wow. Perfect. Just, perfect.” Celestia looked at the statue in the front yard, a pang of familiar pain shooting through her heart.

She sighed. “You just needed to pull off one last prank to cause some last-minute chaos, didn’t you…?” Luna looked away at the ground, painful memories resurfacing. “…Discord.”

Luna galloped, looking all over the school in search for room 153. She saw the numbers of the classes whizzing by. 198, 233, 009, 322. These classrooms aren’t organized in any logical order! Maybe if I-

BAMPH

Luna tumbled to the floor in a series of embarrassing tumbles and rolls. Behind her, she could hear the stallion she ran into doing the same. Books and papers flew everywhere, no longer being held by Luna’s unicorn magic. Luna laid on the ground in disorientation for a couple of moments before getting up, pain pulsing through her limbs. “Owww…”

“Oh god, sorry!” The stallion yelled, rushing up to the midnight blue alicorn. He extended his hoof to help her up. She angrily accepted it and shook her head out of courtesy.

“No, no, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have been running.” She smiled, trying to mask the pain her throbbing body was making her feel.

“Well, to be fair, I was running as well.” The copper-colored stallion said, smiling innocently as he rubbed the back of his mane. Luna lit up at this. Maybe he was another freshpony.

“Really? What year are you?”

The stallion straightened up his demeanor and said politely, “My name is Marathon Miles, but you can call me Miles. I’m a Sophomare, nice to meet you!”

Luna recoiled, Oh a gentlepony? But if he’s a Sophomare why was he galloping, he should be in no hurry. “Likewise. My name’s Luna, I’m a freshpony.” She turned away from the pony as she asked, “Why were you running in the first place?”

“Oh, that?” He asked shamefully, “My special talent is running marathons, but as a result it’s impossible for me to go any slower than a trot. A disorder or something.” He rubbed the back of his mane again apprehensively. Luna smiled.

“Oh, okay!” She said, excusing him from his mistake. “If that’s the case I could use some directions.”

Miles straightened up once again and asked, “Sure, what do ya need?”

“Do you know where room 153 is?” Luna asked, a bit embarrassed from her lack of knowledge.

“Sure! I’m actually heading there myself, care to follow?”

“Sounds nice.” She remarked as she trotted up to the pony. He trotted as well, keeping a brisk pace.

“Sorry, this is the absolute slowest I can go.” The copper-colored earth pony apologized. His mane was a deep brown and his eyes were gold. His cutie mark boasted four tennis shoes optimized for long-distance running.

“No problem!” Luna reassured, easily able to keep up. “Why do you have this class? Biology is a freshpony class, no?”

Miles laughed, “Yeah, but I took physics last year, so this year I have to make it up.”

“Oh,” Was all that Luna said. Miles turned to face her and found something strange he hadn’t noticed before. She had wings, a horn, she was blue, her name was Luna…

Oh crap…

“W-wait, you’re… You’re Luna! As in King Josephner’s daughter Luna, the princess of Equestria!” Miles stuttered in disbelief. Luna turned to Miles, not expecting the shocked reaction of the copper stallion.

“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” Luna said, trying to calm him down, offering a hoof in comfort. Great, Luna thought, Tia was right about the whole royalty thing. “Why is it such a big deal?”

“Because that means that you’re Celestia’s younger sister! Man, I can’t be seen with you.” Luna felt a twinge in her heart. “Do you know what she’ll do to me if she found me talking to you?!”

“No…” Or maybe it wasn’t because of being royalty.

“She would kill me, or rape me, or-or torture me!” Luna reached forward. He flinched and dodged her. Maybe it was out of fear of Tia... but why?

“Come on…” Luna said, holding back tears. “Don’t be like that.” Luna thought for a second as Miles came to a halt. “She won’t hurt you, she’s harmless.”

Miles looked away from the mare, unable to resist the puppy dog eyes that she was forming unconsciously. “But all the stories the Juniors, Seniors and my friends all tell me! Flasket told me that she took him to the castle and used a microwave to cook frozen burritos then just burned his face with them.”

Frozen burritos? Wait a second -stories? Was Celestia… ‘Talked’ about? Just exactly how much of what Tia told me was made up? “Celestia doesn’t even go to the castle; hell we don’t even live there. I’m sure those guys were just making it up.” Miles looked uneasy. Luna sighed. “It’s okay, she loves me; she wouldn't do anything that I wouldn’t approve of.” Well that was a big fat lie. Though, Tia DID take the physical well-being of her sister very seriously.

Miles looked around himself, trying to come up with a decision. He sighed, defeated. “Okay… but only when Celestia’s not around.” Luna smiled as he led the way.

Discord eyed the room he was in. Some ponies around him he identified as freshponies were staring at him from different angles, their patronizing gaze nearly penetrating his physical being. While he didn't like when ponies made wisecracks about his appearance, he had to admit: He absolutely loved the attention when freshponies first saw him. It was kind of adorable, like puppies looking at a potential new owner except that owner looked as if he’d beat them with a belt as soon he or she got their hooves on them.

“HI!” Discord nigh jumped out of his seat. While he was menacingly posing as best as he could, sitting in a desk, he didn’t think that anypony would have the gall to actually approach him. He looked to his left in the direction of the voice, and his vision filled with a mint-green colored quadruped with purple eyes and cotton candy pink hair. “So, you’re that thing that goes by the name Discord, hmm?”

Her voice was high pitched, but not distinctly annoying. Though he had a feeling if she were to scream in any octave glass would shatter. “Uh… yes.”

“COOL!” She nearly yelled in his ear. “My name’s Velocity Terminal, but you can call me Vel!” Terminal… Velocity? Funny; some parents can get creative, huh? Her cutie mark boasted, what looked like to Discord, a speedometer. “I’m a freshpony, but of course you already know that. After all, if I’ve been here before you would’ve known!” she sang, chuckling to herself.

“Uh… heh.” Discord honestly didn’t know what to say. When you present to the god of chaos pure chaos, then there’s not much he can do with it. Hand him something sensible, and he could fuck it up. This girl was something in the formal category.

“SO, what year are you?” She asked, pressing her nose up to his snout.

“Junior.” Discord deadpanned, his brain finally clicking to what was going on.

“Ooooh, you’ve been here a while!”

“W-“

“So what’s it like being the god of chaos, hmm?”

“P-“

“And why is your name Discord when you’re the god of chaos and the dictionary definition of discord is ‘disagreement’?”

“Would you let me finish- wait, it is?” That was something he honestly didn’t know. Damnit, mom.

“Yup!” She exclaimed, her head tilting as she smiled. Discord looked around. Most of the freshponies had left, but the ones that were still there were smiling with a lightened expression. His prank had just failed. He was thinking about fabricating a sword and threatening their lives or something. He turned back to Vel, her face unchanged.

I guess it’s okay, this girl is pretty cool.

Josephner was still sitting as he had been for the past five hours, hard at work solving ponies’ problems. What Chaos had said to him was still dangling around in his brain, and memories of his wife, Marlabel, were returning to occupy his thoughts. It didn’t make him sad, but it didn’t make exactly happy either. It just made him… wistful, longing even. The void was still there. He felt guilty; he should be thankful he still has two beautiful children, his dear colleague Chaos, his applicable teenager friend Discord, and a nation that loved him as much as he loved them. But there was no denying it; he still had an empty space in him. Someone he could truly love. Someone that cou-

“Hey, Josephner, I need to borrow like, seven pens.” Chaos called as she walked in the office.

“Help yourself.” He said, pushing his mug filled with writing utensils toward the griffon, making sure to give a welcoming smile.

“Thanks!” She yelled as she grabbed the pens and left.

He simply closed his eyes through a smile in response. As he was saying: Someone that could spend time with him, someone who could be more than a friend. Someone he could sleep with and talk to. Some-

Wait. “Chaos why do you need my pens?!” Josephner yelled as he galloped from his desk.

Luna was late to her next class. Miles had explained that the school was originally built for pegasi and the layout reflected that. It was still hard getting around. She decided to lay off the galloping and just keep a brisk trot. The last few classes were actually pretty fun. She was with Miles in first hour biology, Tia in second hour Fine Art, Discord in third hour geometry, and Tia again in fifth hour Equestrian history. She knew no one in fourth hour Enquish, but she loved writing and she figured she would need peace and quiet for that anyway. Normally the picture of sitting next to Tia in a classroom sounded horrid, but she was actually pretty tame and helped out Luna with the workings of High School; Luna guessed that Celestia was only trouble when Discord was there and vice versa. Lunch was crazy; Luna had found out that Celestia and Discord were the most popular (and most hated by some) people in the entire school. She sat next to Tia and Miles, but the plethora of ponies around them made Tia hard to talk to, especially when they were all crowding her. Discord sat to the right of Tia, doing tricks with his chaos powers. A bunch of ponies (mostly freshponies) were crowding around him, oohing and ahhing. Miles was pretty quiet. He was probably just hiding from Tia.

Luna finally made it to her last class, room 333, Computer Science. Panting, she grabbed ahold of the door via her magic and swung it open. “I’m here, sorry I’m late.”

The male teacher looked at her over the sunglasses on the tip of his muzzle. He was the first male teacher she had met, and he was pretty handsome at that. He had a silver coat and a jet-black mane, and had a cutie mark that showed an old style terminal with a keyboard and mouse. “Ah,” He said, his cool voice flowing like liquid-neightrogen, almost like a late night radio announcer. “Luna. Don’t worry; it’s the first day of school, your excused.”

“Was that little Luna I heard?”

Oh, hey, Discords in here.

“Really?! Holy shit! Yo sis, over here!”

Oh no…

“Celestia, you need an heir. You know that.” Advisor said nudging her.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had a terminal illness in which there is no cure for.” Celestia remarked sarcastically after rolling her eyes.

“Well, whatever. Listen, I know it sounds… morbid, but there is a danger of assassinations and natural disasters, Princess, and since your sister ‘left’ there would be no one left to rule if something were to happen.”

“Advisor, bite your tongue!” Celestia inappropriately joked, signaling him to roll his eyes, exasperated. “But seriously, my sister’s been gone for a little over nine-hundred eighty years, you don’t think I know that?”

“Well I don’t mean to insult your intelligence, your highness,” Wow, he said ‘your highness’ in such a sarcastic way. “But the well-being of your empire is at risk.”

“Listen Advisor, I know of the dangers, but I am in no mood, nor do I have the time, for a relationship.” Almost sensing what Advisor was going to say, she added, “And I’m not just going to mate with a random peasant. either.”

“Princess you-“

BLAM

A large explosion rocked the ground they were standing on. The audible bang ringing in their ears afterwards. “What in my name was that?” Celestia yelled. On cue, a gigantic purple pillar crashed through the roof of the Canterlot School for Gifted Unicorns to the right of them. It seemed like it would grow forever, but it stunted as soon as it started. Celestia saw green spines protruding out of the back of the piller. It looked like…

“Is that a dragon?!”

Chapter 2 - Distilled Chaos

Immortals: Book 1 – Immortal High

Chapter 2 – Distilled Chaos

“We had sex,” was the way Josephner had answered his child when she asked how she was made. She had asked him ‘Dad, you keep saying you and mommy made me and Tia, how does that work?’ Tia had overheard this and anticipated that her dad would no doubt say something stupid and had immediately started galloping towards him yelling ‘NO!’ Unfortunately for her, it was already too late.

When Josephner realized what he had just said to his nine-year-old daughter, he froze in his place, the newspaper he was reading crumpling and the tea he was magically holding nearly spilling over. Luna had replied with “What?”, and Dad tried to keep his cool.

“W-w-well, L- Luna, Y’see, what I mean is- what I’m trying to say is- I don’t think you’re ready f- But you’re old enough to k- Marlabel-“ Dad failed to keep his cool. On cue Celestia threw herself in front of Luna, between her and her dad.

“Well, hey, Luna, wanna go do something fun? I have something fun we can d-do!” Celestia yelled, attempting to sound casual, but failing miserably.

Luna started to argue with her sister, “Yeah Tia, but I’m talking to Dad right n-“

“That’s a great idea, Tia!” Josephner interrupted, finally managing to spill his drink. “Here’s two hundred dollars, knock yourselves out.” Josephner reached into his wallet and pulled a wad of money out, not bothering to actually count it.

“Bu-“

“See you later Dad!” Celestia yelled as she grabbed Luna by the throat and rushed her outside. Josephner just sat there, even after the door slammed. He just stared in a random direction, not particularly looking at anything. When the initial shock of what happened faded away, he just sighed.

“Maybe lying once in a while would be a good idea.” Oh Marlabel, if only you were here.

Celestia had wanted to protect Luna. It occurred to her now that that’s why Tia acted so oddly sometimes. If Celestia could absorb all the knowledge and corruption, and was a bad pony herself, then maybe Luna could be saved. That’s the thought process which Tia has, although she may not realize that herself.

But god, Tia, you don’t have to absorb ALL of it.

Tia was laughing loudly, cursing and making tons of innuendos, some more blunt than others. Discord was doing it as well, though surprisingly less intense than Tia. In fact he was usually quietly working on his computer, acting completely disinterested. How do you possibly be more chaotic than the god of chaos himself? Their instructor, Technas BiNary, had given them their assignment and with it the freedom to do it as they saw fit. He had specified a reasonable, yet somewhat curvy deadline, and had said that if they really wanted to learn that he wouldn’t need to discipline them. Luna was already half way done the assignment which had a four day deadline. Tia, astonishingly, had finished it within 20 minutes, and somehow was able to start playing Quake 3 with some of her friends, after installing it on everypony’s (and Discord’s) computer within 2 minutes. How she was able to do that, Luna had no clue.

“Haha, fuckers! Twenty frags and no deaths! I’m absolutely wiping the floor with you douchebags,” Tia yelled, her voice reaching to the far corners to the room. Luna shifted her eyes, spotting Mr.BiNary behind his desk, nonchalantly using his computer with a soft smile on his face.

“Tia, shut up. You’re going to get us in trouble.” Luna whispered apprehensively, her eyes still watching the teacher.

“Ah naw, don’t worry Luna, Mister BiNary doesn’t care. In fact he sometimes plays with us."

At that moment, the pony on Celestia’s screen exploded in a mess of glorious red meat chunks as a beam of elegant light flashed across the screen. “Aw man, what faggot has a rail gun?” Celestia asked as she slumped her hoof. Luna was about to shush her again when Mr. BiNary spoke up.

“Celestia,” he scolded as he looked over his PC with a disappointed look on his face. “You should watch your back.”

What? What?! He’s playing too?! WITH CELESTIA?!

“Haha! Technas, you sneaky bastard!” exclaimed Celestia as she leaned in closer to the monitor, her focus spiking. “Just wait, Technas, I'm gonna shove that rail gun right up your ass!"

"I'd like to see you try, Ms. Celestia!" Technas shouted competitively. Luna's jaw dropped. How could he be doing this? He’s acting like this is something he does every day with his students!

Discord was just sitting in his seat, quietly working on his assignment. He hadn't said anything in a little while, so Luna got up and trotted over to him. "Discord, what's happening?" Luna asked, her voice quivering at the absurdity of the preceding events.

"What, you mean Celestia and Technas? Yeah, it’s always been like this." Discord said, sounding completely casual. You mean this is NORMAL? "It gets really boring for me here." Wait, boring? You'd think the god of Chaos would be all over this. Anticipating her thoughts, Discord added, "When chaos is already present, I can't do anything to cause more."

He acted like he had explained this a million times, and the only reason he felt it was necessary to do so again was because Luna was standing before him. "Well, unless I kill somepony, or do something illegal. Which I don't plan on doing." Luna thought about this. It's like he's an addict and drugs are all around him, but he doesn't get high cause he's not using them himself. She started walking back to her seat. That's a pretty dark analogy. I shouldn't say that aloud.

Discord stared apathetically at his whizzing computer screen, the spreadsheet he was working on half done. He ignored Celestia's constant gloating and rants. If only Celestia would shut up, maybe I could forge some disharmony, He thought, somewhat annoyed. Lost in thought, Discord didn't notice the evergreen colored pony sneaking up on him. "HEY DISCORD!" she yelled, causing the god of chaos to jump slightly in his seat. He turned to see the pink-maned menace staring at him with the widest grin he'd ever seen.

"Woah!” he exclaimed in the midst of his shock. “Uh, hi… Vel, was it?" Discord asked carefully. He didn't know why, but this mare seemed almost dangerous somehow, like if you shook her too hard she would like explode or something.

"Yuptidoo! Sorry I couldn't hang at lunch, my friends were being meanies." She looked to the side and smiled nervously, a blush forming.

"Meanies?" Discord asked, his eyebrow raising.

"Yeah they said that you were a bad omen or something. Like bad things always happen around you." As she said this, a look of disgust spread across her face, herself not believing what she said.

"Well that's understandable. I am the god of chaos, after all." Not to mention he does it on purpose sometimes. "I seem to attract misfortune at times."

"But that's no reason to shun you like a monster." Her eyes swelled in a sympathetic gesture. "It can't be anything too bad, I mean I'm here and nothing bad is happening to me."

Discord rolled his eyes and faced the computer again. "Really, I don't mind. I know some ponies say that but they don't really mean it, but take it from me; I don't mind at all."

"Okie doki!" Vel giggled as she turned away and started trotting back to her seat. "Well I gotta work on my stuffs so talk to you later 'kay thanks bye!" Discord sighed. Well she took hardly any convincing, he thought, continuing his work. She's going to be such a great friend. It occurred to Discord that even his thoughts were sarcastic. When Velocity was out of sight and earshot Celestia leaned over to Discord with a smug smile on her face.

"Cute girl," she said through half closed eyes. "You gonna do her?"

Discord sighed, the lack of chaos he was unable to wreak frustrating him. "Tia, I'm not in the mood."

"You’re not answering my question." She drew out the word question in a mocking sing-song voice.

"No, I'm not," grunted Discord, the urge to choke Tia growing.

"What do you not find her attractive?" she chided as she nudged him with her elbow. She gasped as she put both her hooves to her mouth. "Are you... gay?"

"Tia, if you don't stop, I'm going to give Luna a list of every guy you've committed a sexual act with since the seventh grade." Celestia froze in place, her eyes wide, her smile instantly fading, and her white coat turning red over her cheeks. She quietly turned over to her computer and continued her game. Discord smiled, the chaos he had caused giving himself a satisfied feeling. Luna had observed Tia's mannerisms and approached Discord.

"How'd you do that? Tell me, I can use that to shut her up."

Discord chuckled and turned to his midnight blue friend. "Haha, no."

"Mom, why do I look so different from everyone else," Discord had said. He didn't ask, he phrased it as a statement, as if he not only didn't expect an answer, but didn't want one. He only wanted to shift the conversation to this particular problem. Chaos, not wanting to offend her son, dropped the paperwork in her talons and stared at Discord through wide eyes. She hadn't expected this kind of question.

When Discord was born and the medical ponies shrieked in fright, Chaos got worried. They handed the baby to her reluctantly, warning her that he had a terrible birth defect. Chaos had anxiously unwrapped the fabric surrounding her son. When she saw that mismatched body, and glowing red iris with bright yellow eyes, she practically gushed in adoration. It was a reaction the doctors didn't expect. She loved her son's weird appearance. It's what made him, Him. And yet here Discord stood, ashamed by it.

"Because you're the god of chaos, my boy." She had answered. Discord wasn't satisfied.

"But I don't want to be the god of chaos!" he had yelled in reply. "I want to be normal."

Chaos twisted her face in exaggerated disgust. "Normal? Blegh." She walked up to Discord, her beak pointing towards the sky. "Normal is overrated. Normal is boring. But you, Discord, you are unique. Delightfully so!" She threw her arms around her troubled son in an affectionate embrace. "Don't be normal. Mommy doesn't like normal people. Why do you think I married a buffalo? I mean, I'm not normal- do you not like me?"

Discord flushed with a smile, his spirits lifting. "You're special," his mom added. "Normal is crap. You're not normal, and that's a good thing."

"We think that thou hath gone crazy, sister," Luna said, her eyebrow raising, an uneasy frown spreading across her face.

"Oh really, sister?" Celestia shot back, the glass of light wine in her hoof. It was in her hoof, but she was holding it with magic. "Enlighten us, dear Luna: Discord basically nuked all of our technology, correct?"

"Thou art correct." She said slowly. Celestia was by no means drunk, and she only had a very slight buzz. Luna didn't know what was causing her sister’s weird behavior. Maybe she had an epiphany or something.

“And that is why we are speaking like this, is it not?”

“We guess so…” Luna thought back of their High School days with Discord: Using computers, her sister being a lot less mature than she is now, etc. Somewhere along the way, Everypony’s speech patterns changed, and Luna could no longer recall when that was. It had been so long, talking like this is considered normal now. The only evidence of the old way of speaking was the slip-ups Celestia occasionally spat out, but it would only be with ponies she knew for a while, like Luna or Advisor.

“That means this is not the way we should be speaking. Come, sister, let us try to get our old language and ways back.” Luna recoiled. While she didn’t really have a say in the change in the first place she had to admit, everyone sounded and acted a lot more intelligent this way and she actually preferred it this way. Plus the subtraction of the internet and electronics made everyone a little more sociable. Celestia had agreed at the time, but now she was spewing this nonsense.

“We don’t think that it is a good idea to force upon change, Celestia.” Luna stated, taking the alcohol from Celestia’s grasp. “Plus, we like it this way; we thought you had liked it too.”

“Yes, we said it would be good for everypony if we got a well-needed break from the corruption of technology, but we can’t avoid it forever. Ponies are getting smarter, Luna.” Celestia got up from her chair. “A society should not have to go through evolution twice. If so they will learn and go through the second time that much faster.” Luna found herself cornered. While they outlawed use of electric based magic, ponies were starting to figure out a way around that. If they kept up the law, ponies would probably find a new electricity source other than magic, and would create life changing tech. However, if they lifted the decree, the surplus of power may lower the ambitions of the more scientific ponies, thus prolonging their time without the corrupting machines.

“You’re right, Tia,” Luna sighed. Celestia smiled.

“Aren’t I always?"

“Chaos…” Josephner sighed, looking over her desk, the odd contraption almost beckoning him to take a close look. “This… this is what you needed my pens for?”

“Yup,” she deadpanned, talons on her hips, looking proudly over the weapon. “Built it using nothing but pens.”

“Well, that’s all well and dandy, but what IS it?”

“Well, you know hoof-guns?” She made her talon into a fist and thrust it back and forth in a recoiling motion, simulating gunfire.

“…Yeah?”

“Well this is the griffon version. I call it a talon-gun!” she picked up the contraction and stuck her index finger in the hoop that held a single small lever. She gripped her entire talon over the base of the weapon where a makeshift grip had been made. Extending from the grip was what Josephner assumed was the barrel. Josephner noticed an almost crazed smile stretching across her face.

“I hope that thing doesn’t use gun powder.” Josephner stated, backing up slowly.

“Of course it does!” She retorted, pointing her gun at the wall and pulling the trigger. There was a small bamf noise before the pen in the barrel flew forward at a speed that Josephner couldn’t track. The pen reappeared embedded into the drywall, over half of its body concealed by the wall surrounding it.

“GEEZ! That thing looks lethal, Chaos!” Josephner announced in awe.

”Well, duh! It’s a gun Josephner, that’s kind of the point.” She twirled the weapon carelessly with her finger, causing Josephner to take yet another step back in caution. Before Chaos was able to continue, another bamf noise made Josephner dive forward into cover. Midway through his fall, the pen that was discharged went straight through his ephemeral mane, taking some hair with it. Josephner turned to see a pen in the wall, pinning a small amount of waving hair to the center.

He looked back at the rose feathered griffon with a scolding, yet somehow forgiving, stare. Chaos looked back and forth at the wall and at Josephner a couple of times with a blank face before smiling sheepishly. “Uhh… How about I just give this to you?”

“Yes, I think that will be in everyone’s best interests.” Josephner got up and gently removed the weapon from Chaos’ grip and proceeded to walk out of the room. Before he could make it past the door, one of the office ponies ran up to him and stopped him in his tracks.

“Your Highness,” he spoke through exhausted breaths, “There is something urgent that requires your attention.”

Josephner’s voice grew tense. “What is it?”

“There is somepony who wants to speak with you.”

Josephner loosened up a bit, relieved it wasn’t as serious as he expected. “Well… who is it?”

“Sir, he calls himself Squada Advisor. Sir, he’s an Alicorn.” Josephner froze again. “Sir… He’s immortal.”

Princess Celestia shuffled the papers in her hooves, anxiously awaiting the griffon she had summoned. She had not heard much of this… Gilda, but she was related to Chaos, and that’s all Celestia needed to know. It was time the truth was told to somepony, or at least, somegriffon. Celestia’s ears perked at the sound of an angry voice shouting through the halls.

“Get your damned hooves offa me you rats with hooves!”

Chaos?!

“I didn’t do anything you stupid, dumb equines!”

No. Not even Chaos was that harsh.

“Here you are, Princess.” The royal guard (amazingly apathetic considering the cursing griffon in their custody) said as he led his company into Celestia’s private quarters. The guards somewhat rudely tossed in the griffon in tow into the room then just… stood.

“You may go,” Celestia said darkly. “I’ll deal with this one myself.”

The guards remained silent and gave a nod. They simply walked out without a word.

Celestia glanced towards the griffon that was bound by her talons with the most pissed of glare the princess had ever seen. “I didn’t do anything!” she yelled, obviously nervous at the large horse standing before her. Celestia saw her eyes starting to tear around the corners. A wave of memories and empathy washed over her like a ship at sea, though she tried her best to keep her composure, in which she succeeded marvelously.

“No, you did not.” Celestia reassured. Rather than calming down the beast, she exploded in a blind rage.

“WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE, THEN?!”

Celestia was slightly taken aback from the outburst, but kept her cool. “You’re here, because I wanted to talk to you.” She walked up to the bound creature, and gently took off its rope bindings with her magic. “Though admittedly my subjects didn’t really need haul you in like a criminal.”

Gilda stood and rolled her eyes in exasperation. She flipped her feathers and turned away in a pout. Just like Chaos, Celestia thought. “Yeah so what is it?”

“I’ll get straight to the point.”

“Please,” Gilda spat.

“You’re royalty.” Gilda turned to the Princess with wide eyes and newfound interest. Celestia bit her lip and continued. “You’re a descendant of the greatest queen of all Equestria. A direct descendant of…”

Celestia hesitated, not sure if the knowledge should have been passed on, but she ignored it. “…of Chaos.”

“Is that a dragon?” Celestia asked in disbelief. Advisor just stared at the scaled creature.

“I… I think it is, madam.”

“Then… Then that means it worked!” Celestia nearly bounced in glee. “That little unicorn did it! She did it!” Celestia wasn't sure it would work. The Unicorn was powerful, she sensed it, but she feared that she would not be able to manifest it. But here she was, staring at a 50 foot dragon sticking out of the roof.

“What worked, your Highness?” Advisor asked as he and the princess ran through the halls of the school for gifted unicorns.

“Well, Advisor, let’s just say I wanted a failsafe.” She yelled confidentially as she galloped up to the classroom with a shining light escaping the door. “And I wasn’t quite sure it would work out.” Celestia entered the room in a rush and saw a magnificent sight. There were cacti and inanimate objects all about and convulsing as if they were alive. There was a blinding light in the middle of the room that was slowly expanding in an orb-like fashion. It was enveloping the silhouette of what looked like a small pony; a filly.

“Advisor?” Celesia asked her friend casually.

“Yes, miss Celestia?” Advisor asked back, gawking at the Incredible display of power before him.

“I think I found our solution.”

Luna, Tia, and Discord trotted down the stairs casually. Discord was looking off to the side, checking to see if Velocity was following him, not sure himself whether he was hopeful or scared. Luna was swaying side to side, light headed from the preceding events. Celestia was nearly bounding in her steps, dancing to a song that must have been playing in her mind.

Luna stared off to the side, wondering when her life became so insane. Is this how it’s going to be like EVERY day? I… I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that. And oh my god, the bus rides. Am I going to have to ride the bus back home too?!

Before Luna was able to have a panic attack, a white hoof stretched over Luna’s neck, nearly strangling her. “So, Luna,” her sister said with a goofy grin across her face. “Wanna go somewhere before headin’ home?”

The thought of going to yet another public place with Celestia alone was terrifying, but Luna would walk on broken glass rather than going on that bus again. “YES,” she said quickly.

“Wah-“ Celestia belched. She honestly hadn’t expected Luna to agree so easily. She was sure she was going to have to persuade her, but it was okay either way. “Uh… okay!” Celestia nudged Luna softly. “You can also bring your guy friend if ya wanna.”

Guy friend? Oh, she must be talking about Miles. Wait. “You know about Miles? He was actually trying to hide from you.”

“Is that his name?” Celestia laughed. “Yeah, he was kinda obvious. Why, is he scared of me?”

“A little,” Luna stated through a dry chuckle. “But don’t tell him I told you.”

“N-p, my little sis!” Celestia turned to the god of chaos who hadn’t been paying attention. “You comin’?” she asked as she poked him in the back of the head.

“GAHGGHH!” He screamed, throwing his paws in front of his face. Celestia’s eyebrow raised and Luna peeked over her sister with wide eyes. “Er… I mean, sure.” Discord grinned sheepishly as Celestia slowly backed away.

“Ooookkaaayyy… Any reason for that little outburst?”

Discord sighed as he put a paw to his face. “Ehhh, it’s that Vel chick. She’s frigging crazy, Y’know? She somehow sent me a graphic of her eating a sandwich in computer class? I mean, what the hell?”

“I thought you liked crazy things.”

Discord blushed as he waved his hands in defense. “W-well, yeah. B-but I also like things that are easily predictable so I can cause unpredictability.”

Celestia scratched her head. “I don’t get it; ya lost me.”

Luna intervened, “It means someone has a crush on him, and since he’s so… unique looking, he doesn’t know how to handle it.”

Discord blushed even harder. “NO! That has nothing to do with it!”

Celestia burst out in a hearty laugh. “So,” she bellowed “You admit it!”

“W-what? No!”

“Ah, so you don’t admit it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Shaddup!”

“Haha, no”

Celestia sipped her tea as she looked through the day’s paperwork, when suddenly she heard the door open. “Who’s there?” she asked as she took another sip.

“Hey Princess, It’s me!”

Celestia looked over her paper to be met with the eyes of a cotton-candy pink pony standing only a few centimeters away. “Oh, Pinkie Pie! What are you doing here?”

“Oh no reason Your Highness, I’m just the cut-off prevention!”

“The what?”

Chapter 3 - Advisory

Immortals: Book One – Immortal High

Chapter 3 – Advisory

Advisor stared intently at the drywall in front of him, finding himself being impressed by the simple craftsmanship of the standard building material. His mind wandered about the gypsum of the wall, and where it had originally been located. Maybe it came from a bed in boring ol’ Equestria. Or perhaps it hailed from a griffon island in the far reaches in the east. Advisor attained a sudden urge to investigate and find out for himself; his curiosity was eating at him. He regrettably had to shove his interest down in order to focus at what was at hand…

…Only to have it reemerge when he noticed the sturdy build of the table he was leaning his elbows on. He brought his hooves down at the table and gently pushed, testing the durability of the wooden slab. He wondered what tree it was made of and where it had been cut down, where it had been processed, and where it had been sold…

“Are you quite finished?” Josephner finally interrupted. The pony before him had been staring at random objects in the room for the past three hours. He seemed like he found everyday items were the most thought-provoking things in the world- he would sometimes get up to examine things more closely. He would test their weight, put pressure on them, and sometimes even taste them. He was pitch black, just like Josephner himself. He wore cool rectangle-shaped glasses that covered intelligent looking, dark-blue eyes, which were never fully opened. His mane was midnight blue (like Luna’s, Josephner took care to note) and was kind of puffy. The front of his hair twisted off and looped, making his mane kind of look like blue ice cream. Josephner noticed he was about the size of Celestia, though a little smaller. The most noted feature, however, was obvious. He had a pair of wings, and a single horn protruding out of his forehead.

An alicorn.

Advisor turned towards the royal stallion. Although Josephner’s figure was quite menacing, his face was soft and caring, like a father’s would be towards a child of his own. “Yes, I’m sorry; I find interest in the most insignificant of things.” Advisor’s voice flowed like mercury, and he had a peculiar accent. English, Josephner identified. He’s also very charismatic…

“…How long have you been standing there?” Advisor asked as he retained a pokerface.

“About three hours,” Josephner deadpanned.

Advisor finally broke out of his blank face and softly smiled with a blush. “My, you have quite the attention span.”

“Being a couple thousand years old helps.” He replied as he trotted into the room and sat in front of the strange alicorn.

“I would imagine so,” he added thoughtfully.

“So,” Josephner began. “I hear you’re immortal.”

Blunt; to the point. “That’s what I think.”

“You do know that being an alicorn doesn’t automatically make you immortal, correct?”

“I am aware. That is not the only reason I believe I am an everlasting individual.”

“Then what are your reasons behind your deduction?”

Advisor leaned back in his seat and began to explain. “Well, being an alicorn was my first hint, but since I had no immortal or royal relatives my family I thought nothing of it.” Josephner leaned closer; he was incredibly interested. It wasn’t that the story was particularly exciting, but this pony seemed… intelligent. And the way he talked was admittedly alluring. If he were a mare, Josephner would’ve been a bit more than just interested. “But then I found that my IQ far surpassed that of my father’s at the age of three. Keep in mind my father is a theoretical physicist.”

“The exception…” Josephner whispered. There was something that the pony tribes liked to refer to as ‘the exception’ when they were still around. All immortals had one, for whatever reason. It was a special talent completely unrelated to a cutie mark. Chaos’ was having a vast amount of stamina and an extreme tolerance of pain and physical fatigue. It was not fun for Josephner when she kept making innuendoes because of that particular talent. Josephner’s exception was the ability to completely suppress any emotion of his choice, though the only one he had ever suppressed was anger, and that was only a couple of times, and only for the reason of keeping his discretion rational and unbiased. Celestia’s was the ability to devise incredibly complex and intricate gambits that would almost never fail, although it would only work if she worked on it for quite a while. They had not found Luna’s yet.

“Well, not quite. My IQ was incredibly high, but outside of base knowledge I do not have the ability to create or invent. All it made me was a very reliable trivia source.” Josephner contemplated reassuring him that he was just being modest, but Advisor phrased it as if he were proud of it. “It turns out that that attribute contributed to a different talent, my ‘exception’.”

“And what is that?” Josephner asked, his eyebrow rising.

“I have the ability to sense the outcome of all possible choices in any given situation. Although the limit of my gift is being that I can only sense how good the outcome will turn up, not the details in between. I can only clarify the ending result of the scenario, not how good the ride is, so I wouldn’t be able to tell if a bad ending would be worth the ride. Understand?”

“I think…” Josephner sifted through his brain to comprehend the strange ability, and thought up an analogy. “So, let’s say I’m contemplating going into a cave. You say if I go in, the result would be very bad, but if I were to ignore it, the result would be okay.” Josephner racked his brain a little more and continued, “But potentially the cave could be filled with priceless treasure, and the bad ending you predicted was just me accidentally getting a splinter when I left the cave with my bags filled with gems.”

“Exactly. That was an apt example, Your Highness.”

“How do you know this isn’t just your special talent for a cutie mark?”

Advisor smiled, impressed at his attention to detail. “Because, milord, my cutie mark is that of eyeglasses.” He got up and showed Josephner his flank. It showed an ordinary pair of glasses. “I have the potential of being an ophthalmologist. In fact, I made the glasses I’m wearing right now myself.”

“Impressive,” Josephner complimented. “But how do you know all of this is just not a coincident?”

“That’s what I considered at first as well, although my recent discovery has left me ‘being an immortal’ as the only possible explanation.”

“And what is that?”

Advisor wore a somewhat arrogant smile, and asked Josephner, “Sir, you’d say that I look somewhat young, handsome maybe?”

Josephner laughed, “Well, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little green. Why?”

“Well it may come as a shock, but I am seventy years old.”

Josephner’s eyes widened.

“Frozen burritos?!” Celestia breathed between gasps of laughter.

Luna gave a short chuckle. “Yeah, I know it’s silly, but he seemed to actually believe it.” The three friends had been sitting in a table at the local coffee shop, Starbucks, for the past half hour. Both Luna and Discord got caramel iced coffees, while Celestia stuck with decaf, as always. “Did that… actually happen?”

“Not really, it’s based on another story that involved wax candles and a hard hat, but I’ll get into that later,” Celestia said after taking another calm sip of her recently brewed coffee.

“…What?” Luna spat flatly.

“By the way Discord, who was that chick you were talking to in Computers?” Celestia asked through another long sip.

“Celestia, my last threat still stands you over-sized albino.” Discord snapped casually.

“I know!” she shot back defensively through a blush. “I’m just asking ‘cause I’m curious.”

“Look, I already told you, her name is Velocity, and she just started talking to me in first hour.” He moved in his chair a little. “I don’t know anything else about her, to be honest.”

“Well it’s pretty obvious she wants your body.” Discord narrowed his eyes. Celestia quickly sat up. “Honestly, though! I’m not just sayin’ that to tease you.” Discord sighed and waved his hand, excusing her.

“I don’t think she’s attracted to him, rather she just likes his personality,” Luna pitched in. “No offense, but she might be slightly insane like you; she sounds like it.”

“Or she could just be a friendly person, and you guys are just looking too much into it,” Discord replied angrily. “Look, I’m the god of chaos; I’m an interesting person. Of course some brave ponies are gonna want to talk to me.”

“Careful, Discord. If you’re too modest your self-esteem may drop,” Luna mused sarcastically.

“AHHH,” Celestia breathed as she slammed her third decaf latte down on the table. “Should I get another coffee?!”

“Tia, you do know those things are damned expensive, right?” Luna said as she reached to calm the princess down. “I seriously don’t understand your addiction to those things.”

“I don’t know, they’re decaf, I think you should drink ‘til you drop!” Vel hollered as she slammed her hooves into the table.

“Y’see, this girl has the right idea!” Celestia yelled back in response.

It was Discords turn to speak. “Tia, curb your enthusiasm; you’re gonna pop a vain or some-“ Discord cut himself off and froze. Luna’s jaw was agape as she stared at the mint green pony. Celestia looked around puzzled.

“What’s wrong with you guys? Is there something- OH MY GOD!” Celestia shouted and jumped back, nearly falling out of her chair.

“Hehe, you guys are funny!” Vel giggled as she took a sip of coffee that the three immortals could have sworn wasn’t there a second ago.

“H-how long have you been sitting there?” Tia asked awkwardly.

“Oh, about five minutes,” Vel responded cheerfully.

“Did you follow us?” Discord asked, the initial shock gone. Discord had been constantly checking behind his back the entire walk to Starbucks. Celestia had said that he was just being paranoid, but lo and behold there was a hyperactive green pony sitting in front of them.

“Follow? Of course not! I’m not a creeper keeper!” The mint green pony picked up her cup of coffee with her mouth and tilted her head back. She took a few large gulps of the beverage without spilling anything in an amazing show of dexterity and then slammed it back down on the table… with her mouth. “So what’s your name, moon girl?”

Luna flinched back, surprised at the change of conversation with the question directed to her. “Uhh… Luna.”

“You’re pretty hot!” she bellowed as soon as Luna pronounced the last syllable of her name. “I’d totally ask you out if I knew you better!”

“Eh, wh-eha,“ Luna stammered through a burning blush.

“O’course you’re probably not like I am, OH WELL!” She got up abruptly, nearly tipping the table over. “MAN, I GOTTA GO PEE!” she yelled as she nonchalantly started strolling towards the latrine. “Be back in two minutes and forty-seven seconds everypony and draconequus.”

“…What just happened?” asked the somewhat embarrassed midnight blue alicorn.

“What did she call me?” Discord asked as he held back laughter from the whole fiasco.

“Hehe, this is pretty fun,” Tia said as she took another sip of coffee.

“A draconequus is what you are, silly willy!” Vel cheerily answered back, somehow calmed by the coffee she was drinking.

“I have never had anyone call me that though,” He added. “How do you know?”

“Well when I went home, I started doing a little research. After some digital diggin’, I found a mythological creature by the name of a draconequus. The wiki described it as ‘a creature with a body part of every sentient species on Equestria’. It fit you so well!”

“Oh,” he said flatly. “…How long did it take you to figure that out?”

Vel’s normally happy face fell into a bored, jaded face. “It took SO LONG. I’d say after everything, about three and a half minutes.”

“Seiously?” Discord asked in disbelief. Thanks, mom. You could have figured out what I was by internet exploring for five minutes. But I guess you were too lazy, huh?

Luna’s thought about what Vel said before she ran to the restroom. “So, Vel,” Luna spoke up. “Not that I have anything against it, but are you… uhh…”

“Are you a fag?” Celestia interjected with a friendly smile.

“TIA!” Luna scolded, but Vel cut her off.

“O-ho, not exclusively. My sexuality swings around like a barn door in a tornado.”

Huh? Luna searched her mind for possible explanations for the colorful metaphor but gave up. She finally voiced her confusion.

“It means she’s bisexual, Luna,” Celestia answered. Luna’s face became red hot once again as she turned away.

“Oh,” she squeaked.

“Oh, god, that was the most hilarious forty-five minutes of my life.” Celestia had been reliving their time at the Starbucks for the past hour, much to the alicorn’s distress. The most the draconequus did was laugh hysterically whenever Velocity’s attraction to Luna was mentioned. He’s just happy that he’s not being teased anymore, Luna thought with malign.

Luna’s heart had been in her throat ever since she spoke with Vel. She was cute. Luna hadn’t told anyone yet, but she had recently found that she was bisexual as well. It’s not that I don’t find guys to be attractive, I just like the girls too. She would never dare to tell Celestia or Discord, not that they would be particularly disturbed by it, but she had a feeling Tia would never let her live it down. It’s not this changes anything, I’d act the same way if a handsome guy did the same thing…

They were riding home in Chaos’ car, since she was nice enough to offer. “Your dad’s talking to this REALLY boring guy.” She said as she lowered her sunglasses and motioned to her large van she was driving. Luna was about to notify her that wording it like that made it sound like she was their mother, but Tia elbowed her incredibly hard as soon as she started speaking. It was a little weird, Chaos being the queen but not Josephner’s wife, but mostly everyone took it in stride considering she was a griffon and he was a pony. After Marlabel died, Josephner wasn’t in much mood for anything, so he had asked Chaos to be his queen (making it sound as less of a proposal as possible.) Nobody thought that the pure and gentle king would sexually associate with a dirty and uncouth race such as the griffons. It wasn’t entirely untrue, but it wasn’t because he found the griffons to be less of a species, he’s just shy and didn’t want a relationship right after his wife died. After all, they were just friends.

…right? Chaos asked herself that every day.

Luna also thought about mentioning that Chaos’ ride looked like a pedo van, but another blow from Tia would have broken her ribs.

Luna looked outside the window of the large van, trying to control her thoughts of all the good looking ponies she kept seeing everywhere. Stupid hormones, Luna thought with a sigh. And high school… Luna glanced at the analog clock attached to Chaos’ dashboard. It’s six already? Where has the day gone? Through the silence (that was surprisingly not awkward) Celestia bounced up to Chaos’ seat.

“Thanks for the ride Ms. Chaos!” she chirped in her usual cheerful tone.

Instead of freaking out, like any normal driver would do, Chaos patted the princes on the head and smiled. “Sure thing, Tia. Just don’t call me Ms., it makes me feel old.”

Discord raised his… talon thing. “Well, mom, you ARE like, five hundred years old.”

“Hey,” the griffon snapped through a smile. “Four hundred and sixty eight; get it right.”

Everyone gave a healthy chuckle, except for Luna who was still moping. After a bit of the ride, however, Luna finally voiced her opinion about the van they were driving in. “Chaos… why do you use this van? No offense, but it’s like, really ugly.” Chaos’ van was a very large, five row family vehicle. While the outside had white, chipping paint, Chaos had replaced nearly every internal component in that van to the most expensive and efficient parts her country could afford. But, she never tried to make the outside look at all better.

“It has… sentimental value,” she responded while gripping the wheel tighter, a smile etching across her face as she dreamily gazed forward, her eyes filled with nostalgia.

Luna raised an eyebrow and inspected the vehicle further. “…How?” she asked bluntly. “You’ve only had one kid, you couldn’t have possibly had bought this van for practical reasons,” Luna stated as-a-matter-of-factly. “And if I recall, you didn’t drive this thing for like, five years at one point. You just flew everywhere.”

“Memories and family aren’t the only ways for something to have sentimental value, little Luna.” Chaos leaned back with her elbow on the edge of her seat and one talon still gripping the steering wheel. “Maybe I’ll tell ya when you’re older.”

Luna tossed this in her mind before coming to a horrible realization. “Eww, you didn’t have sex in this car, did you?” At this, Celestia bellowed out laughing hysterically, while Discord sat quietly with his paw over his face, repeatedly hitting his head on the window.

Chaos blushed a little, and had to actually stifle a laugh, but she yelled at Luna in feign embarrassment. “NO! Look, the story is more… serious than you perceive, little Luna.” Luna ceased with her look of disgust and actually leaned in closer. Now she was REALLY interested.

The funny thing was, she actually has had sex in this van, but that wasn’t the reason she loved it. She could still remember that old pony’s voice. ’All this griffon shit? I hate it. I remember when ponies were good, unbiased people. They would see things how they really were. Then Josephner changed it. Listen, Josephner is a good pony. He isn’t stupid, and he’s fair, and I really think he loves us. There were wars going on outside, and Josephner basically cut off routes to our fine country here until those outside races learned to behave like reasonable folk. He was like a father shielding his sons’ eyes from the horrors of war. Now we got global peace, and, of course, Josephner opened the roads again pretending like nothing happened. When you isolate a society for that long, they gonna have prejudices against anyone different. And now we have all this bullshit goin’ down just cause folk can’t handle our eagle-pony-cat friends moving into our home…’ Chaos gripped the steering wheel tighter as her mood gloomed up. It wasn’t something that happened often. ’If you don’t mind me sayin’, you’re a very pretty bird, Miss.’ Chaos smiled.

“Sister, if you don’t mind us asking…”

Celestia looked up from her student’s letter, which she had been reading for nearly half an hour. Though she acted annoyed whenever she got a long letter from Twilight, truthfully she was almost ecstatic with glee. It did get boring at the palace at times. Now with Luna here, she did have more fun, but that also meant she had to split responsibilities with her, so now she spent significantly less time actually doing anything. “What is it, sister?” Celestia caught herself in the weird speech pattern and immediately corrected herself. “Er, I mean, yes Luna?”

“Why is prince Blueblood such a dick?” Luna had a look of aggravation and frustration on her face.

Celestia had instantaneously zoomed toward her sister and shoved her golden-covered hoof into Luna’s mouth, who’s eyes widened in astonishment. “SHHHHHHH!” Celestia looked from side to side, before closing up the space between the two mares’ muzzles. “We don’t use that word anymore!” she whispered violently.

“Pbthhhh!” Luna spat out Celestia’s hoof and asked angrily, “Why?”

“It’s a bad word now…” Celestia rubbed the back of her mane with a wide grin. Luna rolled her eyes.

“Again?” Luna remembered her days in high school when it was considered profanity. She had hoped that, in a thousand years, ponies would get past the whole ‘forbidden vocabulary’ thing. It was foalish. “Anyways, why is he such…” Luna searched for the right word. “… a jerk?”

Celestia accepted this choice of adjective. “I don’t really know. Just a bad egg I guess.” Celestia remembered the blood line. She had told everyone he was her cousin. But that wasn’t true.

He was her nephew.

Celestia and her sister got home almost immediately after their father, though he got home quickly enough for neither to see each other outside their quiet suburban home. Celestia yelled out a great “Goodnight guys!” before heading off to bed as soon as the front door had shut behind her. It was early, almost 6:30, but to be fair, she had stayed up last night very late. Until 2:30 A.M.

“Welcome home, girls,” was Josephner’s response. He didn’t look up from the afternoon newspaper he was reading. “I thought you two were out somewhere, you weren’t here when I got home.”

Celestia was already upstairs, so Luna was alone with her dad. She took a place next to him on the couch. He always sat in an awkward upright position, mimicking Discord. He saw the draconequus (I guess we’re calling him that now) sitting like that one day, tried the position himself, and found it much more versatile and comfortable than sitting normally. Luna leaned on the black stallion, finding comfort on his warm black coat. “Yeah, we hung out with Discord and this other girl at the coffee shop afterschool.” Luna closed her eyes and flared her eyebrows. “It was… interesting to say the least.”

Josephner rested a hoof on his daughter’s and gently stroked her mane. “So how’s the glory of high school?” Luna kept her eyes closed.

“Weird,” was all that escaped Luna’s mouth.

“Seventy years…” It was the truth. Advisor was immortal. “So… Squada.”

“Sir, I mean no disrespect, but could you call me Advisor?” Josephner raised an eyebrow. That caught him off-guard. “It’s not that I wouldn’t like us to use personal names with each other, but I really like my last name better.”

Josephner smiled. “Of course, Advisor.” Josephner leaned his hooves on the table. “Now… what do you want to do with this newfound knowledge? You are not the kind of pony who craves power, that I can tell.”

“No I am not…” Advisor began to actually look apprehensive. “I wanted… to… er… offer myself, sir.”

“…” Josephner didn’t know how to respond to that. “…Umm.”

“Let me rephrase that, sir!” Advisor flailed his hooves in front of his face with a blush. The last thing he needed was to have the king to think he was a homosexual male-whore. “I meant… I want a job.”

That didn’t help the accidental innuendo, but Josephner decided to spare the pony the embarrassment. “Elaborate, please.”

“Well, at first, being an immortal sounded pretty good to me, sir.” He lowered his eyes and his tone turned somber. “But everyone I’ve known is now dead…”

Josephner felt a pang of sympathy for the poor alicorn in front of him. He remembered Marlabel. Advisor continued. “I don’t want to just… live forever. At least, not a normal life. That sounds boring, sir.” Josephner raised an eyebrow again, this time at the foreshadowing that Advisor was giving him. “I want to, well… advise you, sir.” Advisor had been hoping he could avoid that pun. “I want to stick by your side and help you. I want to do well for this country. For you, for Chaos, and for…”

He choked up a bit, and looked away. He finally sighed. “For the griffons.”

Josephner widened his eyes. That certainly wasn’t the purpose he was expecting. “Griffons?”

“Sir, I was around when the whole racism thing went on with the griffons. I don’t mean to be rude, but you could have handled that a lot better.”

Instead of being vaporized by some magic beam from the disrespect that Advisor was expecting, Josephner leaned forward in shock. “Really?! How?” He asked with genuine intrigue, which isn’t how Advisor had imagined him asking him that.

Advisor took a deep breath. “Well for one, you opened the roads too quickly. Second, you should have opened only the roads to foreign pony and zebra lands. Third, you should have enacted a passport requirement and background check for any and all outsiders. Finally, you should have became…” Advisor cleared his throat, which caught Josephner off-guard. “…Friends with a griffon sooner. If they saw you trusting a griffon, so would they. Like Chaos.”

Josephner thought about this. He had made Chaos queen thirteen years ago… that was about when the prejudices against griffons really softened. Josephner had not realized that until now. He looked at the strange Alicorn before him. “All right then… you got a deal.”

Advisor released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. He smiled and gratefully said, “Thanks, sir. You shouldn’t be disappointed.”

When I make impressions, I make ponies remember me.

To be continued… Chapter 4: Immoral Lows

Chapter 4 - Immoral Lows

Immortals: Book One - Immortal High

Chapter 4 - Immoral Lows

“Alright, it’s due at the end of class tomorrow.”

There was a simultaneous uproar of groans from the entire class which made Mr. Compass frown with indignation. “Don’t ‘BLEGH’ me! This is a relatively easy assignment and I’m giving you two FULL class periods to do it.” He trotted back to his desk with his nose in the air. “You should be glad I’m giving you this opportunity to raise your score,” he grumbled quietly. Mr. Compass was a silver unicorn with a greyish-black mane and a silver streak running through it. He obviously didn’t dye his hair which was weird, given the unique style. Gods were kind to him, that mane looks absolutely gorgeous.

Luna leaned forward laying her chin on the desk. The day had been relatively tame, aside from the horrid bus ride. Unsurprisingly, most days weren’t so calm. One can only be around both Discord and Tia for so long without something blowing up. However, today, Tia was quiet (that usually happens when she actually gets enough sleep, or have slept with somepony the day prior) and in a good mood, something that almost never happens. Well, arguably, her mood was always good, but today it was the peaceful kind of good. Not the slutty and loud kind of good. Discord was incredibly exhausted for some reason and kept drifting off to sleep in the middle of class. Miles was, well… Miles. It occurred to Luna that Miles was the only relatively normal person she knew. Luna was glad she had a project she could work on, it was much better than the usual lectures that she was used to getting from Equestrian History class.

Alright, time to pour my heart into this assig-

“Oh, and you’ll need a partner or you won’t get credit.”

…Dammit. Luna looked around her. Mr. Compass gave out a seating chart the second day of school and she was seated on the other side of the room of Tia.

Tia had found a partner within a few nanoseconds, given her popularity. Not that having her as a partner would be a good idea by any means. Luna looked to her right to evaluate the mare she was sitting next to, only to find the mare had trotted across the room to her more familiar friend. Egh, she was a bitch anyway.

A few moments passed. Luna found her possible partner numbers slowly dwindle. Luna began to get a little frantic. She had only received one zero her entire life and that was in the seventh grade, when Tia had convinced her that a vocabulary worksheet wasn’t worth doing. Luna hated herself for that now and she sure wasn’t going to do it again.

Alas, it had finally appeared that all available partners were taken, and poor Luna still sat with a frown on her face, awaiting the failing grade she was about to receive. That is until Luna spotted a lone stallion leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed and the angriest look one could muster whilst sleeping. His posture just screamed, ’I JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.’ It didn’t look promising, but it was all she was able to manage.

She trotted towards him at a brisk pace, not wanting to lose the opportunity. That was when Luna started to notice some things. There’s no one sitting next to him, and I don’t think there was even before this partner project. And it doesn’t look like he particularly cares either. There was a certain vibe that he radiated off him which made Luna extremely suspicious. I don’t like this. Ponies that were near him avoided him like the plague. It was as if there was this bubble of impersonal hatred around him. It wasn’t like Luna had much of a choice anyways.

She took the seat next to him and looked straight forward. The red unicorn with the dark grey mane didn’t seem to notice her. Luna eyed him without turning her head and stared at him. After a couple moments, his eyebrows furrowed even more, making him look even more pissed than he already was. Luna didn’t break the stare. Finally, after a couple of minutes, he broke the silence.

“What?” he spat. His word shot out like a lead cannonball and nearly knocked Luna out of her seat with its weight.

“Erm…” Luna um’d. All of her words were taken out of her mouth by that single flat what that could have pushed back an army.

The stallion opened one eyelid to examine the small alicorn that sat next to him. He honestly hadn’t expected a girl to have the balls (metaphorically speaking) to actually approach him. He tried to soften his words a little, since this girl looked and sounded so innocent. He didn’t really care about anypony, but to hell if he was going to make a pretty young filly cry. “Why are you talking to me?” he said as softly as he could, which still sounded like he was ready to stab her with a rusty fork.

“I… umm… this project. We need a partner and it, uhh, looked like you could use one.” Luna was having difficulty actually speaking to this guy. Her throat flexed in nervous apprehension and she actually began to sweat. She wasn’t the most sociable pony in the world, but she was far from being a nervous wreck. She had never found it hard to talk to someone, until she met this unicorn.

“Heh,” the pony chuckled without a smile ever touching his face. “You sure you want me? You do know who I am, right?”

“Eh, no… what’s your name?”

Here goes, the unicorn thought sadistically. “The name’s Amp.” The alicorn didn’t respond so the red stallion elaborated. “Wave Amplifier.” And that’s when ponies start walkin’ away.

The formality of the name eased Luna’s mind a little. “Oh, okay. Well Amp, if you want, I can do this project by myself.”

Amp’s eyes widened. She was being… nice?

“I just don’t want to lose my credit.”

Amplifier was labeled as the school douchebag. He just didn’t like ponies. They were ignorant, cruel, and altogether unpleasant slabs of meat that let themselves get too influenced by society. They couldn’t think for themselves and it made him sick.

He had tried to make friends before, but he didn’t talk much. If there’s nothing important to say, why talk? It wasn’t necessary to talk; but ponies thought he was awkward because of this. Then those ponies would tell other ponies how weird and rude he was, and soon other ponies would become poisoned by the same societal standards that he had grown to hate.

There were rare exceptions, though, and he felt as if this mare was one of them. He had been completely impersonal and somewhat rude to her, and she still tried to make nice. In fact, it didn’t look like she felt offended by the lack of communication, but rather she was comforted by it.

“Whatever,” he finally spat. Luna smiled and hoof pumped. Sweet!

Amp opened his eye to inspect the mare again. A feature stood out that he hadn’t noticed before. An alicorn? Hm. That must mean… Amp closed his eye once again, this time to drift to sleep. Now he understood why he could tolerate this girl. King Josephner. Heh.

“Hmm, so I can put this toothpick here and…” The assignment was to make a diorama of one of the battles of The Great Equestrian War of 1812. Luna was in the middle of making a model of the battle Bruhtinhamm, a small, decently made scene indicating two sides of a battlefield with tissue explosions and red marker blood spraying all over the land. Amp noted it was very good and artistic, if not a little foalish. Amp hadn’t touched the model at all, and didn’t plan to. He wasn’t into all this artsy fartsy crap.

Luna sighed and put down her toothpick. “Ugh, I think I’m gonna take a little break.” Amp’s silence almost sounded like he acknowledged her, if that makes sense. She took another look at the grim diorama. “Huh. We’re lucky ponies won this war, eh?”

“No,” Amp answered darkly. Luna nearly jumped from the sudden voice. He hadn’t spoken since she first sat next to him.

“No? Whatddya mean no?”

“It woulda been a whole lot better if the oxen won that war,” he stated, eyes still closed and brows still furrowed.

“What are you, crazy?” Luna yelled, her inner patriotism boiling over. “We wouldn’t be Equestria if we didn’t win tha-“

“If the oxen won, they would have had access to more farmland, and then the great famine of 1825 wouldn’t have killed so many of their people. When we got that land all we did with it was build housing and communities, and if you recall, Bruhtinhamm revolted against the mainland in the year 1824. That revolution would’ve never happened and we wouldn’t have been any worse for wear because of it.

If your father was there, he would have called off the war, not only because he loves peace, but because it would’ve been the smart thing to do, and also the right thing.”

Luna’s jaw nearly hit the floor. He was right… “But… how come the history books…?”

“History books don’t like to make the mainland look bad,” Amp said with resentment. “It’s negative propaganda.”

DING DING DING DING

“Oh, class is already over…” Luna looked at Amp and he nodded. Luna got up and started stuffing her model in her saddle bags. “I guess I’ll finish the model tonight and do the report tomorrow.”

Amp sighed and jumped off his chair. Luna was shocked to see that he was more than twice her height, even taller than Tia. She soon deduced that he was a northern pony; they’re the ones that have that tall, slender, and skinny build. Yup, I’m certainly thicker than him, Luna noted begrudgingly. She thought abou-

Hey! He’s just walking away from me! Oh no, I did all his work, the least he can do is talk to me a bit. Luna increased her gait to catch up to the velvet red unicorn. “Hey,” she said. “Want to hang out at lunch?”

“Tch,” the pony grumbled. Luna waited for him to follow up with his rude noise, but all she heard was silence.

“C’mon, it’s not like you got anyone else t-“

“No,” the pony replied flatly.

“Well why not?” Luna asked, her anger boiling up.

“Because I don’t like you,” he deadpanned. Luna scoffed, speechless. “And I hate Celestia. And Discord. And everyone else, for that matter.”

“Wha- Well, what did I ever do to you?!” Luna yelled. All the ponies in the hall started to look at her, and then quickly looked back as soon as they saw she was yelling at Amplifier. “I don’t understand why you’d hate me, I just did our model in History al-“

“I said I hate Discord and Celestia,” Amp said as-a-matter-of-factly. He then repeated what he said earlier. “I said I don’t like you.”

Luna shut herself up, strangely feeling complemented.

“There’s a difference,” he added before walking off into the crowd of students. He doesn’t hate me, huh? Well I guess that’s progress.

“He sounds like a dick,” Celestia deadpanned while laying upside-down on the couch Luna was sitting on. Luna shook her head.

“No, he’s not. At least I don’t think he is.” Luna tapped a hoof on her chin in intense thought. “He just seems angry. Maybe something happened to him.”

“Possible,” Celestia admitted. “Or he could just be a dick.” Celestia thought a bit more, and added, “And not the good kind, either. The kind that gets shoved up your ass when you’re not looking.”

Luna sighed and turned to Discord. “Discord what do you think? Surprise, bloody butt rape, or just violent, but voluntary sex?” Celestia let a chuckle escape her mouth. Discord responded with a snore.

“Ugh, what’s wrong with Discord?” Luna asked, stuffing her muzzle into the couch in frustration.

“Remember? This happens once every couple of years,” Tia reminded Luna. Luna nodded. “Dad says it’s because Discord suppresses his urges to be chaotic or some shit, and that gets him tired.

“Okay, then…”

Celestia stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. There was one question that still gnawed at the back of her head. “Luna?”

Luna sighed and turned to her sister once again. “Yeah, Sis?”

“Do you think one day Discord isn’t going to be able to resist those temptations?” When Luna raised a brow in question, Celestia elaborated. “I mean, that prophecy crap said that the son of Chaos was going to be evil? That’s why Chaos ran away, right?”

Luna shrugged. “I dunno, I wasn’t there.”

It was Celestia’s turn to sigh. They stared at the wall for a couple more minutes before departing to do something slightly more interesting.

11:23 pm. Amp sighed and took off his headphones. He started sifting through his head if there was anything important he had needed to do before he went off to bed. After realizing he did all of his homework in class, he started trudging away from his computer and into bed. He froze when he saw his History textbook sitting on his desk, gathering dust. He looked at it for a couple of minutes, deciding on what he should do. He sighed again when he chose. He opened his desk, grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper (with his magic, of course), and began to write.

“He sounds like a dick,” Miles deadpanned while shoving a plastic spork into his mouth.

“Y’know that’s what Celestia said,” said Luna.

Miles cringed at the white princess’ name and shoved another helping of mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Yeah, Celestia…”

“Miles, look, the way you act towards her is just unhealthy.” Luna poked Miles with a accusing hoof. “You’re gonna have to meet her sooner or later.”

“I’d rather it be later,” he replied while scratching the back of his mane and looking at a particularly interesting cloud.

“C’mon Miles, I never get to hang out with you outside of first period and lunch!”

“But, Luna! She’s scary!” Miles whined, which made Luna look at him with irritation.

“Seriously, Miles? Grow a pair.”

“Wait, you mean it’s not a girl?!” A voice called behind Luna’s ear which made her jump in astonishment. Miles froze up and nearly choked on the mashed potatoes he was currently gnawing on. He turned ever so slowly until he met up with the face he had been dreading, a white alicorn muzzle with a pink mane and green eyes.

“Hey guy, how ya doin’?”

Miles just sat there for a couple seconds, frozen stiff from fear.

Miles stammered, “H-h-hey Celest-“ He violently and spontaneously turned, which made Luna flinch back. Tia however stayed completely still until she saw the pony scrambling out of his seat and almost run away. Celestia, however, caught his tail in her mouth.

“Nar whrer doo yah think yer goin’,” Celestia said through gritted teeth. Celestia wasn’t fazed at all, even though he was struggling beyond all reason. Luna was shocked; Miles was an incredibly athletic pony, and he ran marathons regularly. The fact that Celestia’s jaw was stronger than Miles’ whole body was quite… daunting. Eventually Miles realized his efforts were futile, and just deflated in defeat. Celestia spat out his tail and helped the poor guy up.

“Chill out I ain’t gonna eat you, or anything,” Celestia said through stifled laughter. “So what’s your name?” she asked while stretching out a warm hoof at which Miles winced. Celestia frowned. “So…?”

Miles apprehensively opened his eyes to see a white hoof being offered to him. This wasn’t the Celestia he had heard about…

“M-miles… Marathon Miles.” Miles reached out to meet Celestia hoof.

“Alright James Bond, scooch over.” Celestia dropped her saddlebag underneath the table and settled herself between Miles and Luna. Luna looked uneasy, and Miles appeared skeptical. But after a few minutes of idle conversation, Miles began wondering. Maybe she’s not as bad as everyone says.

“So, Miles, are you a virgin?”

…Well at least there’s no frozen burritos.

Luna scoffed as she dug in her saddlebags for her history book. She was not having a good day at all. Unlike yesterday, Tia was back to her old, really loud self, and Discord blew up something as predicted. Luna wasn’t there to see, but she heard Discord drank the carton of a milk (Yes, he drank the carton), and tossed the chocolate milk behind his back which made an actual explosion. Some crazy shit went on, apparently.

Luna had also tried to hunt down Amp at lunch, but to no avail. He simply didn’t want to be found. God, I really don’t want to write a report today, Luna thought as she opened the door to Equestrian History. Half the kids were already in their seat, chatting their life away. The other half hadn’t arrived yet, no doubt procrastinating the class they had to endure ahead of them. Luna caught sight of Amp and made her way towards the desk.

“Hey Amp,” Luna said as cheerily as she could. Amp simply opened his left eye and closed it in response. Well, at least he’s acknowledging me, Luna thought. Wait a second, when did I start caring about how much attention I’m getting? “Well, I guess I’ll get started on that report.”

Amp opened both his eyes this time and began looking through his backpack with his magic. He pulled out a small packet of about twelve pieces of loose-leaf paper. He handed it to Luna (Y’know, with magic) and went back to his usual posture of his not-giving-a-fuck-ness.

Luna started to look through the papers, astonished at the fact he was willing to burn more than a calorie of energy to hand her something. She picked a random place and began to read.

…what we don’t know about the fact is what we assume about the opinion. History is written by the victor, as they say, and as much as much as we may think that to not be true, it at least has been influenced by the victors. The victors in this case, were us ponies. The battle was won over the fertile ground of Bruhtinhamm…

Wait! This is the report! He did the entire thing. Luna started flipping through the pages. She noticed that Amp’s penmanship was amazing and organized, never going out of line and staying consistent between letters.

Twelve pages. That’s two over the minimum. He didn’t just throw this together.

“Uhh… thanks,” Luna slowly said in disbelief. Amp nodded.

“Sir?” Advisor asked, approaching the king with a nervous step.

“Yeah?”

“Is… there something wrong?”

“No… at least… I don’t think so.” Chaos brewing. A lot of it. “But there might be… Soon.”

Fear what we will, will makes us fear.

To be continued… Chapter 5: Bomb Shelter