My head was fuzzy and all I could recognize was a throbbing pain on my left flank. It was dull but constant like a backbeat but it hurt like heck. I tried to move but I had to give up when the throbbing gave way to a sickening jolt of pain shooting from my flank to my head where it rested, giving me a killer headache. With a shaking hoof, I pulled the satin covers off of me and looked down to my flank. I winced and recoiled at the sight. My snowy coat was tarnished- no, ruined, by three large jagged gashes on my flank. They cut deep into my skin leaving deep layers of color. Dried blood was caked around the wounds and they looked wet and glistening in the faint light of the room. I choked. How could he have done this? In bed, I could see all of the other faded wounds and jagged cliffs of cuts dug into my skin by him and his torture. Here, when I was laying in bed, I could slink into a posture comfortable for a unicorn. Without all of the powder-white makeup, you could see me. My ruined self. Cut to pieces by his evil. I tried to get out of bed, but the pain had me chained to the bed. My mane and tail were matted and damp. With sweat? Maybe tears? Blood? I was starting to remember the day before. We had been strolling through Canterlot together as we always did, we had just bought me a scarf. He was incredibly mad about what it would cost him. But of course, he does anything for his stature. Anyway, we were strolling. I was practically falling on him and when I did stand, I made sure to hold myself like an alicorn just like he always told me. We had been talking to another elite group, or rather, he had been talking because if I ever talked I earned myself more nights literally chained to the bed when a wave of heat hit me and I sagged to comfortable unicorn-like posture. I immediately stood upright, leaning on Fancy, but he had caught me. The unmistakable fire in his eyes made me fear for my life. We had curtly dismissed ourselves and he had dragged me home. The last thing I remembered before the throttling pain hit, was the sound of the way something hit the air with such force that it felt as though it was hitting me even five feet away. And of course, the way his eyes conveyed the deepest levels of anger, greed, and insanity that anyone could convey.
I should tell you now that I worship beauty. Sight and color are the two gods in my world. Sun and mist combine to make rainbows that twist the sky into a dreamscape. Dreams. I dream in black and white though. When I was a filly, I prayed to the sky and the sun. I bowed before the light falling through the trees. I groveled at the feet of rainbows. Until he came around. When he first touched me, I saw the sun sink a few inches. When he first looked in my eyes, I saw the light fade in the sky. When his whip first cracked upon my skin, the mist was just mist. It was no longer a curtain into the realm of the sky. When his chains first tied me, the rainbows were just arches of light. No longer the acrobats of the sky. Now, after too many long nights and fiery stares, the world is fading before my very eyes. The sun sinks lower every day. And each day rises later. The streets no longer glow with beauty but rather pulse with sadness.
"Will you hurry up! I already had to buy you more of that stupid cream for covering your marks and it cost me a fortune! Now don't waste my time!"
He screamed from downstairs. I could hear him in the bathroom as I opened a new can of the pearly white makeup. Well, it's your own fault, I thought. I trudged down the stairs, using my magic to brush my hair into perfect ringlets.
"Tonight, I will teach you a lesson about timeliness."
His tone only implied two things. He would either whip me into oblivion or coax me into bed with him. Both of which made me want to run away and never return. Of course, I couldn't. He would come after me. He would torment me in this cage of mine until the end of my days. I would walk these streets of gray with love in my smile but with death in my heart. No one would ever know me as the broken bird afraid to lift her head but as the spoiled cat. The one who had everything. My legs wobbled as Fancypants opened the door to Canterlot. I tried to picture what the streets used to look like in the sun. Glistening with gold and pulsating with life and energy. Now, they only looked gray. Gloomy and despairing. I was trapped. Forever.
I walked those streets that day, as I always did. Falling on him. Making it seem like we were forever. And we were. Just not in the way people thought. The day passed without commotion, the sun never rose in my world and the clouds didn't move. Before I knew it, we were back home. As soon as he locked the door behind us, he glowered at me and pushed me up the stairs into our room. He kept muttering angrily as he got undressed. I stared out the window into the void that was becoming my world. I heard the whip crack before it hit my skin. I sent a jolt of death and sickness straight through me. I grabbed onto the windowsill for support. He repeated this too many times for me to count. My stomach rolled and my hooves clicked on the floor as blood fell around me. My blood. Blood that was losing color with every stroke he made. On his last slash, I saw a flash of an old friend fly before my eyes. Blue. A color. The color that had ruled my skies and tinted the ocean. My favorite.
"Now", he said.
His voice was deep with anger and mine high with fear as I dragged myself to the bed where he was laying. Blood spilled from my wounds as I struggled into the sheets. Then, it hit me. My life was going to end soon. I knew it as I realized what the rest of this night would hold. I sucked in a breath and pulled the blankets over my head, as he moved closer.
I woke up to a beam of gray across my face. Blue. I had seen a color the night before. I tried to remember. But my head ached. My whole body throbbed with pain. if I had to explain that blue I would say this.
It washes over you in waves and changes every time. Sometimes it washes you clean off of your feet pushing you down and under. Swallowing you and wishing to take you away. Sometimes it just runs over your toes in little trickles that tickle the bottoms of your feet. Sometimes it is violent and cruel. Like the deepest blue. And sometimes it is sweet and joyful. Tickling your toes and sweetly purring in your ears instead of crashing down on you like a wrecking ball. Blue can be fluffy and small like a little puppy but it can also be strong and hateful like a brutal police dog. Sometimes blue is dark and mysterious like the deepest reaches of space or the darkest depths of the sea. Blue can be calming and maddening. It can be a curious color sometimes. Confusing and saddening at times. Or it can cheer up the clouds with trickles of light. It can be steely and protected. Silvery and silky. Foreboding yet soothing. It is perhaps the most confusing color for it can trick you into a sunny day but then wipe you off your feet and send you into the galaxies beyond. Filled with blue. Blue. Blue. Perhaps you understand now. Perhaps you don’t. Because blue can never be put into words but for you, I have done the best I can. Anything to show you the world that you no longer live in. The world that cruelly gave you up to wherever you are now. I wonder if you saw blue before you left. Maybe the light was tinted with the faintest blue of a summer day sky. Maybe it had a faint glossy shimmer of silvery sweetness. The silvery sweetness of blue.
Mostly I said this to myself. Wherever I was now, was intent on killing me.
