The (supposedly) best night ever

Chapters

A horrible break-up and a one-of-a-kind chance
Getting ready for the gala
Going to the gala
The party's just getting started
The dark side of the garden
A stallion in the kitchen... Nuh-uh

A horrible break-up and a one-of-a-kind chance

It was a nice night to be walking alone in the streets of Manehattan. Just you, a normal, everyday, down-to-earth Pegasus.

Normally an idiot would be walking the city streets this late at night, but you know for certain that you are in a good neighborhood. One that doesn’t have anything go horribly wrong.

“CRASH”

Most of the time, anyway.

You look upwards towards the source of that sound, only to be met by an abnormally heavy suitcase that seems to be greeting your face right now.

It hits you in the head hard enough to knock you unconscious.

A few minutes later

You awake to having blurry vision and muffled voices. As both your hearing and sight clear up, you see a stallion outside yelling to the mare inside, who is too busy yelling back and throwing out the stallions stuff to even care.

“Please just listen to me.” Yelled the stallion.

“FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING, TWO-TIMING, BASTARD!” Yelled the mare.

“Quite a mouth she has there.” You think to yourself while you are still lying on the street, a bit dazed.

“Please it was just a one-time thing, just stop doing this.” The stallion yelled back.

“THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP RECEIVING THESE LETTERS FROM HER, ALONG WITH PHOTOS OF HER AND HER PRIVATE PARTS!” screamed the mare while she was now throwing out letters of a another mare toying with herself.

“Shit.” The stallion mumbled under his breath. “Uh, they don’t mean anything, I keep telling her to stop with the pictures every night at the bar.” Screamed the stallion back to his wife.

“YOU MEET HER EVERY NIGHT AT A BAR!? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU GO TO A BAR! WHAT ELSE ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME YOU PRICK!” The mare screamed back at stallion.

You decide to get up off the sidewalk before something else hits you. Halfway to getting up, you get hit in the side by one of the many pictures she throws out the window. Only the biggest one managed to hit you. With this you immediately get knocked back down to the ground, groaning in pain.

“I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!” Screamed the mare, who if you listened closely, sounded as if she was on the verge of tears.

“FINE, I DON’T NEED YOU, YOUR APARTMENT, YOUR MONEY, OR THESE FRICKING GALA TICKETS, YOU STUPID BITCH!” The stallion yells back to the mare, who was now certainly crying.

The stallion looks over and notices you lying on the ground, moaning and groaning. He heads over to you and immediately starts checking if all his stuff is okay.
“Sure, I just got hit by your suitcase and that picture frame that was thrown by your fricking marefriend and I might have a concussion. Please don’t check up on me to see if I’m okay.” You think sarcastically to yourself as you get up onto your hooves. You then decide to ask what happened, as if you already didn’t know.

“Uhhhhh.” Was all you could manage until the stallion starts to glare at you uncomfortably.

“Listen buddy, I just got thrown out of my marefriends apartment, literally.”

Wait, she really threw him out the window of her apartment… Holy shit, that mare is strong.

“I lost almost everything because of this and-“.

“Wait a minute” you interrupt, “What about all this stuff she threw at you?” you say as you look around to see all the unbroken items that survived the fall.

“I don’t need these things, nor do I have an apartment to put them.”

“But aren’t these all yours if she threw them?”

“Nah, she just ran out of things that were mine to throw. So she just decided to grab anything that she didn’t need, I guess.” The stallion sighs as he looks over all the items on the ground.

“Anyways as I was saying, I lost almost everything and I don’t need another stallion to talk to me about what just fucking happened right now.” The stallion says, looking back at you. “So since I have no need for these, how about you have them.” He says holding out a pair of tickets.

Your eyes widen as you see what the stallion is offering you. “Are those-? “

“Yes” the stallion interrupts as he’s still holding the tickets. “These are tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala and I’m giving them to you.”

“But how did you even get these?” you say as you examine the stallion because he really doesn’t look like somepony with connections to royalty or anything like that.

“These were my marefriends or ex-marefriends now considering what just happened.” Said the stallion as his gaze shifts upward to the broken window. “She was friends with one those snobby unicorns up in Canterlot and one of them was kind enough to give us these tickets. She was gave them to me because she could trust me, but that was right before she found out that I had an affair with another mare.”

“But why are you giving them to me?” You continue to question him instead of just taking the free tickets.

“Because I want you to keep quiet about all this, now do you want the tickets or are you just going to keep giving me more buts.” Says the stallion who is obviously growing impatient with the passing minute.

You stare at him for a few moments and then you slowly take the tickets and trot back home, leaving the stallion to himself. Your mind ponders as to what you’re going to do with these tickets until it hits you like an unbelievably heavy suitcase. You remember that you have a roommate, cloudy skies, that you have been trying to ask out for a while, but you never seemed to have the balls to do so.

But now is your opportunity to finally ask her on a date. Your mind then goes to wonder why you chose her. You remember all the good memories you’ve had with her whether it was flying camp, rock climbing, bungee jumping, or all the horrible accidents that you’ve been in due to these activities. She’s been with through thick and thin and you were believed her to be your best friend. The problem was you wanted to be more than friends with her lately and now was your chance to change that and escape the friend zone (if it was actually possible).

You arrive to your apartment and open the door yelling “I’m home” as you walk in. You enter the living room to see Cloudy on the couch studying about the weather.

“Finally, your home, I was starting to think you were attacked or something” she says still studying her textbook.

You take a moment to realize the irony of what actually happened until your brain tells you to make your move. You start to get nervous as you are about to ask her like you always do until your brain starts telling you to take this slowly, to say what you want as calmly as you can-“

“HEYSOIHAVESOMETICKETSANDIWANTEDTOKNOWIFYOUWANTEDTO-!“ Nice one, Romeo.

Cloudy puts her hoof over your mouth and starts giggling “Whoa, whoa, slow down. Now what was that…” She becomes more surprised when she starts to notice a bump on your head and a bruise on the left side of your body.

“Oh my gosh, you actually got attacked!”

“Uh no I-“

“Why didn’t you tell me about this first? What was so important that you couldn’t tell me about-“ She becomes silent and wide-eyed as you pull the two sparkling tickets out in front of her.

“How did you get these?” She asks as she snatches them and looks them over.

You tell her about what happened on your nightly walk, about how you got hurt, about the rampaging mare throwing heavy things out her window, and about the stallion who gave you the tickets while she stares at you laughing at certain parts of your story (especially the parts where you got hurt).

She calms down and asks you, “So you got tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“Eeyup” you reply.

“So have you decided who you’re going to take yet?”

“Eeyup”

She looks at you surprised, you can tell she’s faking, and says “really who?”

“Well how about you?” you ask feeling really suspenseful right now.

She then jumps on you and starts to squeeze you while yelling, “OH YES, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU” until she finally decided to let go and stop suffocating you.

You wheeze out “So it’s a date then?”

She then replies, in what you believe is her rape voice, “Oh yes, indeed.”

You stick your front hooves into the air screaming the word yes until she says “As friends.”

You then freeze and faintly hear a snow globe breaking in the distance as those words echo in your mind.

As friends

While you are still frozen, Cloudy then checks the date of the Gala and arranges appointments for you and her to get fitted for your suit and her dress to wear to the Gala.

Those words still continue to echo in your mind as you become unfrozen and continue with your nightly routine all the way to when you go to bed. As friends.

You finally believe that there truly is no escape from the friend zone.

Getting ready for the gala

As friends.

Those words never left your mind through out the night. In fact, you didn't even blink the entire night as if you were doing the 1000 yard stare in your sleep.

"As friends. Damn it... Just damn it." You think to yourself in your bed. "Right when I have the chance to actually start a relationship with her, it all goes wrong with her taking it the wrong way. Oh Celestia, what am I going to do." You think to yourself until another voice says, "I don't know what you should do, but this is your own problem, not mine. Now leave me alone."

You become surprised by the random appearance of the mysterious voice and try to reestablish contact with it, but to no avail. So you give up on it and head back to your own thoughts, pretending that never happened.

"Maybe there is still a chance to turn this around... Someway."

You try to go to sleep but your eyelids refuse to close.

"Awww fuck... Well maybe I can start trying to sleep with my eyes open."

Your eyes burned and you never fell asleep that night.

A few days later

You don't know how you managed to act normal in society due to lack of sleep and blinking, but you've acted so normal that no pony has even noticed. You and Cloudy are at the tailor to have your outfits for the gala fitted. While Cloudy is talking with the clerk, you drift off into space and your mind begins to wander. Unfortunately, your mind starts to think about what would happen if you didn't get into a better relationship with her. Would she hate you? Would she leave off with some other stallion who is more muscular, smart, rich, and good looking. Would she invite you to her wedding only to have all the fillies thinking that your a moving pinata and have them beat you with sticks out of pure hatred? Would she-.

You feel a hoof connect with the back of head and your eyes instictively blink.

You immediately feel the comforts of having your eyes closed and shout "Oh sweet Celestia, thank you.", but before you begin to congratulate on begining to blink again, you find that is now incredibly difficult to open your eyes.

You shout out, "Damn it." until you feel another hoof connect with the back of your head. And just like that your eyes are open again. You test out your eyes to see if they can blink properly and luckily for you, they do.

You look around for the source of the hoofs that have been hitting you only to see Cloudy glaring at you.

You begin to say, "Uhhh, what did I miss."

"Me and the tailor have been trying to get your attention so that you can get fitted for your suit." Cloudy replies, still glaring at you.

"Are you alright, I can tell you haven't been yourself lately." Cloudy asks with a bit of a worried look.

"Oh uhhh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine" You chuckle at her worriedness. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I've never known you to go three days withut blinking."

Looks like she's the only one who noticed your problem... and cared for that matter. It's just one of the reasons you love her.

"Trust me, it's nothing." you say in hopes that she would stop worrying.

She looks at you suspiciously but decides to drop the subject and move on to the matter at hoof.

"Okay well anyway, go into the back room with the tailor and get yourself measured." She says with all traces of suspicion disappearing.

You and the tailor head into the back room, where she begins your measurements. Halfway through she decides to strike up a conversation with you.

"So what's the special occasion?" She asks.

"I managed to get me and her some tickets to the gala."

"The Grand Galloping Gala!?" She asks all surprised.

"The one and only." You say feeling a bit smug.

"How on earth did you get those?"

Your mind heads back to that embarrassing night where you got hurt by somepony else's luggage.

"I've... got connections." You lie hoping that she would believe you.

"Oh my, you must know some pretty powerful ponies if you were able to get those."

"Well yes, but how I got them doesn't matter. The point is, I have them and Cloudy and I are going." You say feeling proud.

"I suppose your right. Oh look at that, we're all done." She says as she puts away the measuring tape.

Your surprised at how fast the measuring went and before you say anything, she cuts you off saying, "Thank you for your time sir, now if you could just send your date in, I'll begin to measure her."

You smile at the word date and nod as you head back into the lobby and tell Cloudy that it's her turn. As she heads into the back room, you decide to take a trip into La-La-Land, into a world where she did not say those wretched words: As friends.

You picture yourself and her walking through the garden, admiring the scenery of the statues and the sights of all the little animals that inhabit the garden. You imagine slow dancing with her in the ballroom, with her body so close to yours. Her head resting on your chest as the music plays. But the only thing she hears is your heart which she knows only beats for her.

"HEY, WAKE UP!"

You snap back to reality to see Cloudy standing right there with a smile on her face.

"Finally, your back with us." She says with a giggle. "Come on, I need your help to pay for the outfits." She says as she heads back to the counter.

You follow her and when you reach the counter, the clerk immediately says, "Five hundred bits, please."

You feel a minor heart attack and almost fall to the floor. When you regain yourself, you try to pathetically reason with the clerk.

"Are you sure it's that much?!"

She stares at you with an unamused expression as she replies, "Yes, it's that much."

"But isn't there someway we can lower the price?"

"No, now either pay up or get the fuck out."

"HEY!" shouts the tailor, "Watch your mouth young lady"

The clerks eyes widen as she says,"Yes mam, sorry."

Her attention turns to you, "Sorry what I meant to say was, now either pay up or get the buck out."

"That's better." shouts the tailor from the other room.

"But..."

Cloudy gently hits you in the side saying, "Come on just pay her already."

Your heart wrenches as you pay the clerk five hundred bits to have your outfits made.

As you turn to leave the shop with Cloudy, you and her hear the tailor say "They make such a cute couple."

You feel all warm inside, until Cloudy shouts back "We're just going as friends."

And then you faintly hear another snow globe breaking in the distance.

Meanwhile in a souvenir shop

"Damn it that's the second one you broke, Berserk!" yelled the shop owner to the big red stallion with a pulsing vein for a cutie mark.

"Sorry I didn't mean to-" Berserk began to apologize until the shop keeper cut him off.

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it, bro. You break one more snow globe and your fired." the shop keeper threatens.

"Yes sir." Berserk grumbles.

Back to you

You and Cloudy were just leaving the tailor when you realized that you were having trouble blinking again.

There was nothing else you could think of. Not one single thing, except for the word "Fuck" because if you think about it, there really isn't anything else to say.

Going to the gala

A few weeks since the tailors

It's the big day now and you and Cloudy are at the train station. You and her are waiting in line in your outfits for the Gala, both of you very eager to get your tickets and go.

Among the loud noises of the train's steam engine and the voices of other ponies, you hear Cloudy saying, "I still can't believe this is happening."

"Yeah, neither can I." you say while thinking about how lucky you were to get these tickets. "This sounds like somethiing that would happen in a story or something." you say to Cloudy.

"What, like a romantic comedy of some sorts?" She asks looking at you a bit confused.

"Yeah, something like that."

You think about this for a second, thinking that you were about to uncover something bigger than yourself, Cloudy, and all of Equestria, but an unknown higher power (higher than Celestia in fact) forces your mind off the subject and haves you forget about what your suspicion was about. You then go on to think about how F.I.S.H. can be proven mathmatically.

Your once again brought back to reality by Cloudy slowly nudging you in the side.

"Hey will you snap out of it. Seriously, you're spacing out left and right, you really need to stop that." Cloudy says a bit woried and annoyed.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." you say to Cloudy, hoping she would drop the subject but to no avail.

"You sure because last time you said it was nothing, it was about a week after we went to the tailor's and I found out you were having trouble blinking again."

Your mind races back to the event that took place in your apartment when you managed to close your eyes but found it was impossible due to the lack of wetness on your eyeballs and the amount of gound in between your eyelids. Cloudy had to reopen them with a crowbar and it freaking hurt... A LOT.

You shiver at the thought of the metal coming into contact with eyes and focus on the matter at hoof. Getting your tickets getting on that train, and get Cloudy to be your marefriend.

You and Cloudy finally get to the ticket booth where the ticket vendor asks for you to pay two hundred bits for the tickets... each. And just like at the tailors, you pathetically attempt to lower the price on the overpriced tickets.

"Are you sure that these tickets are two hundred bits each?"

"Yes they are. These are tickets to Canterlot in case you forgot sir."

"I'm pretty sure we can come to some agreement." You try to say suavely.

The vendors expression deapanned as he said "Sir, don't make me call the authorities."

Before you say anything else Cloudy buts into the conversation.

"Oh please, are you sure you can't give us a discount of some kind." She says with puppy-dog eyes.

The vendors heart hurts because of the increased cuteness levels in the area and eventually caves in to her terms.

"Okay, I'm sure I can take fifty bits off each, but thats as low as I can go." He says determined not to bring down the price.

You were still about to object to the price of the tickets because you're a fricking cheapskate, but then Cloudy uses her puppy-dog eyes on you and you caved in quicker than the vendor and paid the price for your tickets.

You and Cloudy wait near the train tracks for your train, which doesn't arrive for another thirty minutes. During the wait you talk to Cloudy about what she did back there with you and the vendor.

"How did you manage to get him to lower the price like that? I never even knew you could do that?!" You say a bit surprised because you think you might not know her as well as you thought you did.

"It's easy when you've got the right tools." And by tools she means lady parts that stallions go crazy for.

"Then why didn't you help me over at the tailors?!" You say a bit annoyed with her.

"Silly colt, It doesn't work if a mare does it to another mare. A stallion has to do it by being suave and handsome." She says in a silly voice.

"But then why didn't it work?!" You say a bit scared of the answer you were about to recieve.

"Well you aren't exactly suave and I think I would call you just average on being handsome compared to most stallions."

Ohhh, right in the self-esteem.

"But you make up for it by having such a great personality."

You cheer up a bit at this as you say, "Well, thank you Cloudy."

"Your welcome, now if you'll excuse me, I have to use the little mares room." She says as she gets up off the bench and heads to the restroom.

You shout back, "Okay, hurry up." as you wait near the trian tracks.

Fifteen minutes later

You sit there on the bench anxious for Cloudy to show up since the train arrives in about five minutes, until you hear a stallion shout, "Hey you there."

You look for the source of the voice only to be greeted by the same stallion that gave you the tickets.

"Hey buddy, listen I hate to say this, but can I get those tickets back." He says nonchalantly.

You become suprised at his request since he is now single.

"What! Why do you need the tickets back?!"

"Well believe it or not buddy, the missus has finally forgiven me and we managed to see eye to eye." He says with a chuckle, but then puts on a serious expression as he says, "So can I get my tickets back or not."

"N-n-no." You stammer out as you get ready to defend yourself.

But with quick reflexs, he stands up on his two back hooves and grabs you by your collar until you're hovering in the air.

"Listen bud, you don't have a choice here, now give me the tickets or else."

"NO!"

You kick in the chest to get him to let go, but unfortunately he has abs of steel and doesn't feel anything.

He reacts to this by punching you in the gut with one hoof and holding you up with the other.

"Now listen bud, I need those tickets so that my mare and I can go to the gala. And if we don't go to the gala, she will get very angry with me. And she is very scary when she is angry, so this is your last chance, give me back my tickets... or else."

Your mind contemplates over what to do now. Either say no, get beaten up, and lose the tickets, or give him the tickets and disappoint Cloudy. You love Cloudy with all your heart and disappointing her is the last you want to do. So you do the only thing that you believe can save you now.

"HELP RAPE, STRANGER DANGER, I NEED AN ADULT!" You were never really the toughest one in high school.

The stallion stares at you in disbelief that you tried something like that.

"Wow, That was really pathetic, buddy. You need to toughen up after you get out of the hospital.

You spit back, "I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY."

"Awww that stinks, looks like I'm just gonna have to hurt you more than." He says as he pulls back his hoof.

You close your eyes and wait for what feels like forever for the hoof to connect to your face. You hear the sound of a hoof hitting somepony but it's not you that's getting hit. You then fall to the floor and open your eyes to see Cloudy standing in front of you and the stallion knocked out on the ground.

She looks at you with a worried expression on her face saying, "Are you okay?", as she helps you up.

You smile as you wipe off the dust and dirt off your suit and say, "Yes I am, thank you." You then ask her, "What did you do to him?", as if you already didn't know.

"Oh well, when I was coming back from the restroom, I heard you screaming something but I couldn't make out what it was." You silently thank Celestia as she continues, "And when I got back I saw this stallion here about to hurt and nopony hurts my best friend so I knocked his block off."

"Cloudy... thank you." You say as you go in for a hug. She's a bit suprised at what you do, but quickly becomes comfortable and hugs you back.

After the hug, Cloudy points behind you saying, "Look the trains here!"

You look behind yourself and see that the train is most definetly there and proceed to board it until you hear a mare scream, "HEFTY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!"

You look over to the mare to see the stallion apparently named 'Hefty' has regained consciousness, is talking to the mare and pointing towards you and Cloudy. The mare glares violently and slowly walks over to you. You felt an incredibly disturbing feeling in the area around you as if everything that involved pain, sorrow, anguish, and death was all concentrated into that one mare who's goal was to get those tickets back from you no matter what. You felt that you were having a staredown with death and that you were losing.

You are quickly brought out of this trance as Cloudy pulls you into the train. The mare tries to follow you but the conductor stops her since she never bought a ticket and fortunately for you, this is all that it takes to get that psycho-mare to stop following you.

The train starts to move and as you look out the window, all you see is poor Hefty at the mercy of his angry psycho marefriend. In a way, you pitied the stallion.

Your concentration on the window breaks as Cloudy says, "Sweet Celestia, did you feel that disturbing force coming from that mare?"

Huh, so it wasn't just you.

You and Cloudy decide to get a little sleep on the train since it's going to be a while till you get to Canterlot.

You get comfortable and before you fall asleep, Cloudy leans on you and is out in ten seconds flat. When you look at her you feel at peace and this only helps you fall asleep faster. You begin to dream of all the ways that this night can go right.

The party's just getting started

Warning: Satan and sick fetishes are mentioned in this chapter. They are not described though. Well maybe a little on the part about sick fetishes,but nothing serious, but remember that it's a joke and I'm sorry if you find this offensive or something.

You wake up on the train and see Canterlot coming into view. The condctor walks by your cabin and you ask how long it's been since you left the train station.

"Well, it's been about four hours since we made our departure and it's going to be about fifteen minutes until we reach our destination." he says, proud of the fact that he used big words and continues on his walk.

You start to think about that incident with Hefty and his mare and what she could be doing to him right now. Every single time you think back to that moment a cold feeling would race up and down your spine and stomach would feel sick. But you can't help but think what the mare is doing to Hefty at this very moment.

You take a look around the cabin and realize that Cloudy isn't with you anymore. She's probably in the restroom or something but you remember that she used it right befoe you left the train station. You decide to go out and look for her and make your way out of the cabin.

As you walk out, you feel an agonizing feeling in your lower region and take this as a sign that you have not been to the bathroom in a while. You hurriedly make your way down to the bathoom knocking down anypony that stands in your way. Good thing that the only things standing in your way were fillies and short mares. Anything that was bigger or a stallion would definetly stop you.

You enter the restroom and do what you got to do. As you exit the door, you are greeted by angry mares, crying fillies, and stallions.

"That's him." screamed one of the mares.

"He's the one that pushed me into wall, mommy." cried one the fillies.

"He's the one who killed poor Timmy." screamed one of the crying mares.

You remembered when you were charging down the halls, you rammed a colt and he went flying out the window. You also remember somepony faintly screaming "TIMMY, NOOOOOOOO!"

What kind of name was Timmy anyway?

You try to explain why you did all that until you realize that your reason was just plain horrible, so you remain silent.

"Your gonna pay for that, bub." says one of the stallions.

"Yeah, let's kick his flank." says another.

"SACRIFICE!" screams the conductor.

Everypony stops and stares at the conductor, who now has an insane look in his eyes. He notices this and quickly regains his composure and calmly states, "We've ran out of coal for the engine and we need something else to burn if we are going to make it to Canterlot on time."

Everypony still stares.

"Um, okay then, I guess I'll just go find some chairs or something, carry on." he says as walks away accidently dropping a medallion with a pentagram on it.

One of the stallions breaks the silence saying, "Okay then, where were we?"

The angry stares are now back on you and are closing in. Suddenly one of the stallions chaged right at you, closing in on the kill. You counter this by jumping up onto his back and using your wings to propel yourself over the angry crowd of ponies. You start galloping down the car towards the door that leads to the other car while the mob gives chase. You keep running down the cars which have more ponies that no one cares for at the moment.

You're charging through the car but you learned your lesson the first time and start trying to manuver through the crowd of ponies. You make it through the crowd accidently bumping into a few of them but made up for it with a quick apology as you gallop to the door. You close the door behind you and stop to catch your breath. You hear the angry crowd of ponies run into the other crowd of ponies. You hear yelling and screaming from the other car and you start to fear for the worst.

But suddenly the yelling stops. There's no crying, screaming, complaining coming from the other car. You become a bit curious and put your ear to the door. You still can't hear anything and you start to walk away until you hear faint moaning coming from the car. You become confused as you wonder why something so angry had become so quiet. As you think about this, the moaning intensifies and you become more curious. So curious that you decided to open the door and take a look.

What you saw in the other car scarred you for life. The positions, the ropes, the sick fetishes that you just witnessed in that car have been burned into your mind. You babble like an idiot while your brain tries to process what it had just witnessed. Why did she shove her hoof that far up? How could he bend that way? Were those razorblades that he was chewing? HOW COULD ANPONY FIND PLEASURE IN THAT?!

You slowly walk away desperately trying to forget what was in the other car until you bump into Cloudy.

"Cloudy it's you!" you say forgetting the unforgettable.

"What is it?" she asks with concern in her voice.

"Where did you go?"

"Oh", she says losing all concern, "I woke up in the engine room where the engineer was trying to use me as fuel by sacrificing me to satan, and to make a long story short, I escaped and I learned that all steamwork relies on demon magic."

You face deadpans as you remember the situation with the conductor.

"So what have you been up to." she asks with an innocent smile.

You deadpan expression doesn't change when you say, "Nothing much."

"Well lets head back to our cabin then, shall we." she says as she passes you and opens the door. Faster than light, you close the door and respond with "Why not just stay here, I mean we are at Canterlot already."

The window outside shows the Canterlot train station, which by the way looks much better than the one in Manehattan. Cloudy notices this and you both head towards the door.

You and her walk until you hear the conductor yell out, "Have a good day." and you and Cloudy keep moving on.

She walks on ahead while you decide to look back to see the conductors image change to one that's more demonic as he says in a voice that will haunt your dreams, "YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE THE FRIENDZONE!

How the hell did he know what you were trying to do!

You run away and catch up to Cloudy while that demon train goes off into the distance.

You think about that entire experience that you just went through. You wonder, "What the hell is wrong with everypony." First it was with that crazy mare and now it's with the train. Did you piss off some sort of ancient evil or something?

You decide to drop the subject and start a conversation with Cloudy on what she's going to do at the gala. You two walk through Canterlot either talking about the gala or one of the many memories you two made together. Soon you two arrive at the castle, the place where you plan to take that next step with her.

You planned on heading to the table first because it's been a while since you ate anything. Right as you begin to talk to Cloudy, she dashes off to go do whatever she planned to do. You become stressed because you wanted to spend the night with her and you make your way to the front door when suddenly six random mares start singing about tonight being the best night ever.

You've been tossed around, puhed to the side, and were trampled a few times but you finally made it inside the castle. Your suit is perfectly fine if you count out all the dust and dirt on it. You wipe it off and make your way through the castle on your search for Cloudy. You overhear that she went off with some fancy unicorn towards the garden and so you start heading there immediatly.

While you head on to the garden you unknowingly catch the eye of some fancy mare.

"Hmmmmm, he sure looks... interesting." She thinks to herself as she begins to slowly follow you into the garden.

The dark side of the garden

Author's note: I've recently looked back onto my last chapter when I was in a more calmer type of mind, I realized that I definitely took things too far. I don't want to mention what I did because if you read the last chapter than you would know. So I'm going to try to tone it down a bit and make the story a lot less insane. Hope you like it.

You walk through the doorway leading into the garden desperately looking for any sign of Cloudy and the unicorn. You look around frantically for them, but get distracted by the marveling beauty of the beautiful statues, exotic animals and amazing flowers. Not to mention the labyrinth made entirely of bush. The gardener no doubt put tons of work into this garden, so much you feel respect towards the hard-working stallion.

You begin to make your way inwards when another stallion appears in your field of view. On closer inspection, he doesn't look like any of the other stallions you have met. His clothes seem to resemble those of a gardener of some sort. You ponder on this until the realization hits you like a sack of bricks.

You trot on by and give a small nod to the gardener, who gives a small nod in return, but before you get any farther a stampede of scared animals is heading your way and they show no signs of stopping.

Reacting quickly, you use your wings to fly above the stampede and escaped harms way. Unfortunately, you left the gardener to his fate as he was trampled by all the exotic animals.

There was nothing you could do to save him.

The stampede was ending and you were about to hover to the ground when suddenly you get rammed in the back and violently fall to the floor. You look up just in time to see a raging yellow pegasus, chasing the stampede.

"Just what is it with these mares?", You question as you recall all those recent events you had with mares. You believe they started that muiscal number just to trample you.

You pick yourself up and look over to see the gardener groaning in pain.

"Are you okay?", You ask as you head over to help up the gardener.

"Yes, I'm fine, I just got trampled by every animal there is in this garden.", He says with a cerain tone of voice.

You don't really notice his sarcasm because you were always a bit oblivous to the small things like that.

"Okay.", You say with a cheery tone and you head off on your quest to find Cloudy.

"Hey, you idiot, I just got trampled by all those fricking animals because you didn't do anythng to save me. Now I've got a bad back and you're just trying to leave me to take care of the garden.", He says, glaring at you.

"But you said you were fine.", You say innocently.

"Oh Celestia, what am I dealing with here." he mumbles to himself. "Listen closely, I've been injured on the job. You didn't do anything to save me. I need to take care of a few more things and then I'm outta here. I need you to help me now since you owe me one.", he says slowly.

"What, it's not my fault that you got hurt!"

"Who's the princess gonna believe. Her most trusted gardener or some random stallion."

You just lost all respect for him by now.

"I'm still not gonna help you."

"Oh you will because you can't go around the castle without this." He pulls out from behind him what looks like your underwear.

"WHAT THE-?!" Is all you can manage to say until he realizes what he did.

"Oh crap, sorry, I meant this." As he puts your underwear back from wherever he grabbed it. He then reaches behind him again and pulls out your gala ticket.

"How do I know if that's mine?", You say a bit smug.

He grins at you as he tells you to check your pockets. You check both your pockets and come the shocking conclusion that that is your ticket in his hoof.

You know for a fact that if any of the guards catch you without that ticket, yo will be thrown out quicker than the trash that's been in the kitchen for two weeks.

"How did you-.", The gardener cuts you off by saying, "I'm also a part-time magician and I am very good at my job."

"Then why don't you become a magician then?"

"Because I'm a better at gardening."

You accept his logic because you already witnessed his work for yourself and if he could do all that by himself, no wonder he hasn't quit yet.

You give in to his demands and ask, "What do you need me to do?"

He smiles smugly as he says, "Good to see you came around. Now follow me." He starts to walk in the opposite direction of the castle and you begin to follow. You want this to be over as soon as possible.

As you two walk off, a certain mare that's been watching your every move thinks to herself.

"Hmmmm... He's so nice helping out that poor gardener and he's one of the stallions that actually wear underwear underneath thie pants, that's so sophisticated... I like that.", she thinks to herself as she continues to stalk you.

10 minutes later

As you and the gardener move farther from the castle, you notice that your surroundings become darker and darker. Soon enough, it was so dark you couldn't even see the moon that was supposed to be shining bright in the sky. Suddenly the gardener pulls out a lit lantern from out of nowhere. How does he do that anyway?

The both of you walk until you approach a lone shed . You wonder why somepony would put a shed so far out here unless they purposely want to lose ponies out here.

He opens the door and instead of finding a bunch of gardening tools like it's supposed to be, the only thing you find is a descending staircase which looks as if you went down there, you wern't coming back up.

You attention never leaves the gloomy staircase until the gardener tells you, "I need you to go down there."

You immediately try to come up with an excuse as to why you absolutely can't go down there.

"Sorry, but I don't have a lantern."

"Here I got a spare." He says as he pulls out another lit lantern.

"Ummm, but I don't know what I'm grabbing."

"Your grabbing a pair of extremely sharp shears.", He says with a deadpan expression.

You're becoming desperate as you say, "But I have a fear of scary staircases." You pray to Celestia that he believes you.

He responds with "I don't care."

"Well can you at least test the first few steps to see if they don't break?", You say, hoping to grasp onto any reason not to go down.

"Fine then.", He says as he heads towards the entrance.

While he tests out the staircase, you notice that your ticket is sticking right outside his pocket. You begin to slowly move towards it, slowly reaching out to the ticket with your mouth. Slowly... Slowly... And you qucikly take back the ticket and push him down the stairs.

You don't want to stay here when that gardener comes back so you grab the spare lantern and begin to head back to the castle through the seemingly endless darkness.

Like I said I tried to tone it down and the tags probably don't refer to anything like this, but it's how I felt that the chapter should go (I think somethings wrong with me). So if you see or have any problems with this chapter, please tell me because I don't really think most people have my sense of humor. Thank you for reading this.

A stallion in the kitchen... Nuh-uh

It took a while but you finally managed to make your way through the dark garden back to the castle. You wonder who in the hell was the architect that designed the garden because during your journey, you nearly fell into fifteen pit traps, ran into several Venus fly traps, and somehow came across a group of ravenous zombies.

Why does the princess even have a group of zombies in her garden anyway?!

You head back inside contemplating on which part of the castle you should search next until your stomach answers that question for you with a loud growl. So you quickly decide to head to the buffet table in the ballroom to get something to eat. Who knows you might even find Cloudy in there.

You enter the ballroom and at first glance you can’t find Cloudy at all, but you easily see the buffet table and make your way towards it. You become amazed at the sight of all the delicacies put in front of you. It is lined with many types of foods that you have never even seen nor heard of, but you notice an empty platter with a small sign on top of it.

The sign says ‘Stuffed peppers’, so maybe they haven’t brought it out yet. You then begin to grab whatever looks delicious to you.

Meanwhile in the kitchen

Chefs everywhere are at their workstations preparing every single one of the princesses complicating orders.

Among them all, there was the head chef who was talking so fast, it would leave you in confusion and have babbling for the next twenty-three minutes. Luckily, he had a translator.

The head chef said, “Incomprehensible gibberish”.

His translator quickly states, “He said ‘Where are those stuffed peppers?!’”

“Wait, I got another idea of what we could do.” Shouted one of the chefs.

The head chef replies, “More incomprehensible gibberish”.

“He said ‘It better be good or your flank is outta here.’ I hope it’s good for your sake.”

“It’s an invention of mine that I’d like to call ‘Ramen noodles’, after myself of course. Here have a taste.” Says Ramen while handing the head chef a hot bowl of salty noodles and broth.

The head chef takes a sip of it and throws the hot bowl right back into the chefs face.

“OH DEAR CELESTIA, IT BURNS!” screamed Ramen.

“(I really have no idea what the fuck this dude is saying).” Shouted the head chef.

“The head chef said, “You’re fired Mr. Noodles and don’t expect to be paid for your time here with us.” Said the translator with the calmest tone of voice.

“I HATE YOU!” shouted Ramen as he began crying and running out the door. “AND NOODLES ISN’T IN MY NAME!”

After that scene the chef just made, the head chef realized that he needed another chef to be able to prepare the stuffed peppers since all his best chefs were working on other dishes and all the others were basically idiots that set fire to nearly anything they touched.

The translator, who was also a top-notch advisor, said to the chef, “We need somepony to make the peppers and we just lost one of our good chefs. Might I suggest we kidnap somepony who’s not an idiot to make the dish?”

The head chef contemplates on this and answers the translators question with a nod.

“Excellent I will be right back.”

And so the translator headed off into the ballroom to kidnap somepony who wasn’t an idiot. He looks over to the table and sees a regular stallion admiring the food.

“Well I guess he’ll do.” The translator thought to himself as he made his way over there with a burlap sack.

Back at the table

You finish eating up whatever it was that you picked off the table and now that your stomach was full, you would be able to be more focused on finding Cloudy. However before you could do anything a sack comes over your sight, engulfing you into darkness as you feel like you’re being lifted up and taken somewhere.

“WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING, SOMEPONY HELP!” you shout through the sack.

The crowd notices you being kidnapped but didn’t bother to help you because this is Equestria and this type of stuff happens almost every day.

About two and a half minutes later

You are still in the bag being pretty pissed about the fact that nopony tried to save when suddenly you violently thrown out of the sack. When you get on your feet you realize that you’ve been taken to the kitchen and there is a pony that is wearing a chef’s hat and is who is also glaring at you intensely.

The pony speaks but his voice is moving too fast for you to comprehend and it leaves you slightly confused about what’s going on right now.

“I’m terribly sorry sir, allow me to translate.” Said another pony that suddenly appeared next to the pony in the chef hat. “He said, ‘Hello there new employee. You have been specially chosen to be a chef for Princess Celestias precious guests and will be in charge of making the stuffed peppers and any other sort of dishes that have been requested from us. We know how exciting this must be for you since you’ve always dreamed of cooking for the Grand Galloping Gala and now you’re here fulfilling that dream don’t let us down and everything will be fine.’ Ohhh, how lucky are you, huh?” said the translator.

You can’t believe the amount of bullshit that has just been piled in front of you and you don’t even try to argue with them. You immediately start heading for the door but are stopped by the head chef.

“(Something that sounds like a mating call).” Yelled the head chef.

“He said, ‘Don’t try to leave or you’ll regret it’. Please just make this easier on all of us.” Pleaded the translator.

“And just why would I do that?” You asked.

The head chef sounded like he was choking on something, reaches behind him, and just like the gardener he suddenly pulls out your underwear. You become relieved that it wasn’t your ticket but you still feel just as violated.

“I believe that a translation isn't required for this one.” Stated the translator.

Just how does everypony manage to get their hooves on your underwear?

Wearing that underwear underneath your suit always made you feel good. Without it, you don’t feel complete.

“Fine, I’ll make your damned peppers.” You say as you head towards one of the counters.

“That’s the wrong one.” Says the translator.

“Oh” You head over to another one.

“That’s the furnace.”

“Dammit” You crawl out of the furnace and make your way over towards the cutting boards where you were supposed to go in the first place.

You head to a cutting board that is littered with peppers and other ingredients. You had no idea how to cook since you never took any classes and you were forced here against your will, but you went on with it anyway.

You try to cut open the top of the pepper but you never had any experience with a knife and you accidently cut yourself a few times. After about the fifth try you finally manage to cut open the top of the pepper and you mentally celebrate your accomplishment until you see the multiple peppers on the other side of the board.

“Fuck my life.”

Many accidents and peppers later

You finally cut open all the peppers and you no longer have to use the knives anymore. You look at your hooves to see them covered in small cuts and a bit of blood. They were also burning because somepony went and accidently threw salt onto your workstation and over your hooves.

You now move on to stuffing the peppers with whatever you could. You still had no idea what to do so of course, you just winged it.

You threw in whatever you could get your hooves on. Vegetables, cheese, meat, and some powder from this canister with a skull and crossbones on it. You thought about that powder stuff that you put in but ended up forgetting about it since you wanted to look for Cloudy so badly; you needed to get out.

“Their ready.” You shout out to the head chef.

And soon one of the waiters takes the meal you prepared and heads out the door with it. You follow him but once again you are stopped by the head chef.

“Oh come on, I made your stuffed peppers and got injured on the job while doing it, now let me go.” You whine to him.

“Incomprehensible gibberish again.”

“He says that he still has many more dishes left for you to make, starting with this specific one.” Said the translator as he pulled out a slip of paper with the specific order. It read ‘One order of soup. Flavor: the tears of my enemies.’

“He gave us this vial.” He said pulling out a small container full of what were probably tears of the stallion’s enemies.

You reluctantly take the vial and made your way over to the stove. You were not going to actually cook this and you needed to escape.

That is when you decide that you don’t need underwear anymore and that you were more comfortable going commando anyway and now all you need to do is make a plan to distract the chef.

And then some country mare comes right through the kitchen door saying that she needed to make some sort of fancy-shmancy food for the ponies out there. The head chef began yelling at her, shouting out words so fast that not even the translator could understand what he was saying. And he was a professional.

You take this chance to escape and dash out the kitchen doors and back into the ballroom.

You decided that enough was enough. You just wanted to find Cloudy and be with her the rest of the night. You spend the next fifteen minutes searching the room until you finally find her and that unicorn that she was with.

You head over towards them and when you get a closer look, it seems as if he’s yelling at Cloudy. You stand there as he continues to yell at her until she looks like she can't take anymore and runs out of the ballroom tears falling out of her eyes.

“Oh he's going to burn.” You growl to yourself as you start trotting over to him thinking about all the terrible things that you were going to do to him.