A Canterlot for a Unicorn

Chapter 1: Multiverse Theory confirmed in the form of Rat Poison

Proofread by: Fistfire

*Beep

*Beep

*Beep

*Beep

My bloodshot eyes opened at the sound of that annoying alarm clock next to me. Why bloodshot? Well I can openly tell you.

“Once more, another sleepless night. And all I did was drink 2 cups of coffee while watching a late-night movie. Maybe I should stop doing that.” I muttered as the infernal contraption next to me continued the onslaught of eardrum murder.

I groaned while rubbing my sore and heavy eyes. “Bloody thing even started beeping even though I haven’t set it.” I thought to myself.

Then again, it is one of those new smart clocks. More like sadistic clocks, already causing an early morning ruckus even though I haven’t slept for a single second. Spent most of my night just rolling around and staring up at the ceiling.

A ceiling I know very well thanks to my last night date with it.

I would give it a name but my sleep deprived brain is momentarily unable to do so.

Checking the time and moving my gaze over to the window next to me to see a couple of morning rays penetrating the Schalusie, I made the slow, but steady mental decision to get out of bed and start another normal day.

A day that would certainly BE normal thanks to my tired state. I mean I am already lazy as it is but this just turns me into a sack of unused wet potatoes.

With a grunt I forced myself out of my night trap and stood up, deciding that today I am going to be taking a bath instead of a shower just because I feel like it.

Plus it would give me an excuse to lay down and not stand for ten minutes. Not to mention having to duck when trying to scrub my legs.

“I need coffee.” I automatically muttered while scratching my ass.

First things first, I left my room and stumbled over to the bathroom right next door to prepare everything. Squinting my eyes to find the proper soap bottles and trying to feel for the faucets. I then realized that I forgot my glasses back at my nightstand.

See what a sleep deprived brain can do for you. I can’t even find anything to make jokes about it.

With all that said and done I wobbled myself out of the white room and back into my room to grab my eyesight. I decided to let the water run a bit on it’s own while doing other things.

Deciding that this is the perfect moment to get some coffee I dragged myself passed the living room and into the kitchen. It seems like that one of my cousins has already brewed some hot water before leaving for work which was quite convenient. Why was it convenient? Well that just means I don’t have to duck in order to get the kettle out of the cupboard below the counter. Win, win for me in my book, and that means I can get my morning brew faster which is also a plus.

I am lazy ok so don’t judge me Even if I am not being lazy, I am taking most of my time being at the mall or procrastinating like a king…which basically is another form of laziness to be honest.

Fumbling through the cupboard above and grabbing my mug, I poured all the ingredients into it before taking the thermos and pouring some hot water in it.

I took a slow sip of it and smacking my lips in a judgmental matter, with expression to boot. “Hmmm…needs more sugar.” I muttered before grabbing the can of sugar and stealing a spoon full from it. I immediately took another test sip, only for my eyebrows to rise as the taste was something I wasn’t expecting. It was actually quite bitter.

“Eeeehhh…what the fuck is that, that is not sugar.” I gagged and coughed.

I quickly grabbed the sugar can the moment I could to see if what I took really was actually sugar only for me to realize that it was, in fact, not a can of sugar but a full blown can of Rat poison.

What is a Can of Rat poison doing on a kitchen counter you may ask? Well simple, just yesterday me and my cousins had finally decided to take the fight to these blasted vermin who have been always making a ruckus in the kitchen in the middle of the night when we were all hitting the hay. The plan was to simply disperse some Rat poison into the empty cupboards below where we suspected their brood was hiding in.

Long story short we did just that and one of my VERY responsible relatives had completely forgot to stow away the deadly can of chemical death in a much more appropriate location instead of leaving it on the counter.

A mistake I had walked right into.

Somehow in my still sleep deprived and tired state I managed to mistake the can of rat poison for the can of sugar. I blame the two companies for having an almost identical color scheme on their design, but I guess another part is for my unfocused sight. Again sleep deprivation can really mess up your focus.

“Well shiiiiiiiit….” I cursed as my vision steadily began to swim.

This stuff was quick, like seriously quick I didn’t even have the time to put my mug down before everything around me began to get swirly. So this is how it feels to get drunk then? Honestly, I wished that my first experience on a rollercoaster would have been actual alcohol and not fucking rat poison. Either way, I was going to die. But hey at least I finally got my previous wish of trying to get a much more interesting morning instead of the ‘same old, same old’.

“Shiiiiit….I left…the faucet on…in the bathroom.” Were the last thoughts running through my head before I lost all control of my senses as the world around me turned dark.

See kids, sleep deprivation can get you killed so always listen to your parents when there say. “Get your fucking annoying asses to bed.”

Obviously, in the end I didn’t die somehow. Otherwise I wouldn’t still be talking afterwards. But still the afterlife I went to was certainly not something I was expecting, and I was honestly expecting a whole lot of fucking things before that point.

But this? This would even make good old Sheogorath scratch his beard for just a moment.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Well what are we going to do about her now sweetie?” A concerned mare asked as she looked over at the door where her young daughter’s room is.

“I do not know, but I think we should just sleep this out for now. I know that some of my relatives are…well puffed up flankholes in a lack of a better term. But she is our daughter no matter what she is.” A stallion this time explained.

She just sighs, the lengthy exchange from earlier still fresh in her mind. Even more so the words of some rather narrow minded ponies as well. She looks up at him eventually and nods to his statement. “I know, though that still doesn’t excuse the fact that no matter what, she will have a difficult time ahead of her.” She admitted before looking over at the door again.

The stallion just kept his pose as he casually gazed over at the door as well, sighing internally. “I know, which is why we shall try to make this as easy for her as possible or so Celestia curse me. I do not care what the other nobles say or what even my uncle says. I do not care that she is an earth pony. She is our little daughter and that is that.” He finalized as he gazed at the door with full determination.

Hard and high expectations will be ahead for her, though maybe not so much in due time.

Author's Note

Here is the beginning of a brand new spinoff fic of Alexander Becker, the mortal version of Sheogorath...kind off.

Will his antics and sense of procrastination be to much for the ponies of Canterlot, or will his crave for all kinds of caffeine and cheese bases product bankrupt those who produce them?

Lets find out...well you find out, I already know the story.

Also I know that there was at least another guy who took the time to take a look at this chapter besides Fistfire. So if it is you please tell everyone in the comments bellow. I forgot who it was and my PM box is a mess.