Author's Note

WOW, this chapter took FOREVER to get out. I am sure some of you can see why by just reading it and looking at its length.

Originally I didn't planned for this chapter to be THAT LONG, but as you can all see it did still happen anyway. So feel free to bookmark it somewhere in the middle if it seems to long to read in one sitting.

Either way, hope you guys like it so far.

Chapter 8: Shitty relatives and business one-oh-one

Chapter 8: Shitty relatives and business one-oh-one

Edited by: Veo Skride, pahnazd

“Goodbye everypony, and have a safe trip home! Hope to see you all again next week!” Our caretaker called out as foals exited the building and joined their waiting parents on the yard.

Same with us, as we began to search for little ol’ Camellia in this furry and rainbow-colored mess.

I guess, in a way, it’s actually pretty advantageous to be the one with the “boring colors” in comparison to everyone else, as it is much easier to find someone in a crowd full of flamboyantly-colored horses. I guess Camellia must have noticed this logic as well, as she saw us faster than we were capable of spotting her.

She smiled as she trotted towards us. “There you two are, how was your first day in kindergarten? Did you two have a lot of fun or make any new friends?” She questioned while looking down at the two of us with a certain level of expectancy.

Too bad we have to crush that for her.

I just shrugged casually as a response while Octavia just looked down at the ground while pawning at it. Her enthusiasm quickly dropped as a result before she leveled herself in front of us.

“What is wrong? What happened?” She questioned worriedly.

Since Octy wasn’t probably going to actively say much regarding the issue, I simply decided to place it upon myself to do it instead for her. Actually, I was more or less forced to do so, now that I think about it.

“The kids didn’t want to play with her simply because of her gray and dark color scheme. Me, on the other end, got asked to join a game quite a lot, but denied all of them just to stay with Octavia.” I explained.

Camellia’s eyes went wide in shock before changing to that of pity as she nuzzled her daughter. “Oh, I am so, so sorry to hear that sweetie. I was so sure that making friends for you here would be a lot easier. I am so sorry that this wasn’t the case.” She apologized, even though there was nothing for her to apologize for. The one that should be apologizing would be the parents of these kids for failing at their job in being parents.

And for the kids to be so painfully biased to begin with. I knew that kids this young are capable of developing quite the stupid bias, like girls having cooties or school being the living plague… which it is. But I cannot remember even the slightest that kids back in my world, specifically during my own youth, were that openly biased about something.

Not sure who is hacking these foals’ brains with such glitches, but I have an ill feeling that it has something to do with the nobility of this place, where bigotry seems to seep even into the common citizen’s mind.

Bigots or not, nobles are nobles and do have a lot of power within a society, especially in a monarchy like this one. One of the many examples as to why I dislike monarchies in the first place.

It’s old, uncool, and only made for dungeons and dragons nerds back home. Unless we are talking about Lord of the Rings or Star Wars, of course. Or, if I somehow get crowned as a king and have to guide and govern my own kingdom. Then monarchy would be hip and cool in my books.

Not being biased at all, of course.

Camellia eventually sighed before a smile forced its way up onto her lips. You can’t fool me, woman, nobody goes from sad to happy so fast without being mentally challenged. I said nothing.

“Hey, how about the three of us go get ourselves some ice cream before heading back home? How does that sound?”

Octavia, of course, immediately perked up at that while I just stayed indifferent.

Not sure how ice cream can fix social problems, but for her, or rather kids in general, everything just works as long as it has sugar in it.

She smiled at that, which as a result got Camellia to smile as well. A genuine smile, I might add. Octavia was even the first to enter the carriage while impatiently waiting for the two of us to get in.

Camellia just chuckled at the sudden enthusiasm of her daughter while I just scratched my head. If I ever knew controlling kids would be THAT easy, then having to deal with my hyperactive nephew back when I was 10 would have been a breeze.

Just chuck an ice cream cone down his blubbering mouth and I could have easily hoarded the Playstation 2 for myself without having to hear him whine and complain all the time.

Killing Gods in God of War does require a lot of concentration after all, but I am distracting myself again. Let’s just get ourselves some bloody cream on an ice and get back home.

There is far better shit waiting for me there than any ice cream dealer can ever provide for me. The cheese closet.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Well, who knew that being a 5 year old again could be so… generic? I mean, I am basically doing the same fucking thing that I have been doing ever since my first gym class back at grade six.

Doing absolutely fucking nothing while at home, and since the earthly commodities like games and internet aren’t a part of my life anymore, this does leave my choice of options pretty… mundane and bedridden. Not that it was even remotely exciting to begin with. I mean these horses don’t even possess a bloody mall where I can go eat fries and totally drain my new dad’s credit card for stuff that I ultimately don’t need and would most likely forget about later.

These racist care bears don’t even have credit cards to begin with. How am I going to be carrying my future allowance? Inside a coin bag? Yeah, that’s certainly not going to be very enticing for thieves or daring hobos to rape my ass for.

I need safety, especially in a world as hippie as this. Clothes? What are those, and those that wear them do it completely wrong. The only clothes they seem to ever wear are the ones designed for your upper torso, which totally defeats the purpose of wearing shit in the first place. Why not just ditch your clothes entirely and cut off your bushy tails while we’re at it?

Let’s go FKK on this shit. Old DDR style.

I outwardly sighed. See what boredom does to me? It’s fascinating, isn’t it? No, really. Barely old enough to be considered potty trained and already having lewd thoughts. Well, granted, I am only a five year old physically… but it’s the thought that counts, a thought that suddenly leads me to the realization that I have a tablet at my disposal. A tablet that I left under my bed and totally forgot about the day prior.

I shrug to myself, knowing fully well that Octy and missus Mum aren’t going to return from ”music practice” for a while. Because she thought that having her daughter being able to play music just like her old woman would be a great way to build up confidence regarding her… everything. That pretty much left me all alone at home with a Hector rip-off and an olive green frenchy in a mini skirt. Talking about music, this pretty much gave me a satisfying idea on how to pass my time while being self-bedridden, especially when everybody is gone, including their most likely unnecessary and mundane questions about Human technology.

The idea was simple; use my tablet as an oversized MP3 player to listen to some 80’s music. Why 80’s music? Well, because everything prior to the 2000’s is absolute garbage in my opinion, specifically in the pop genre. Call me old school, but that’s just how I roll, and besides actual ancient history I just found the 80’s so fascinating. The music, the blocky games, and of course, their wild uncombed hair and excessive use of makeup that just tends to make them look like clowns or just crazy persons.

And you know how much I love crazy shit.

I guess I can thank Vice City for my affiliation to retro music, but I am just getting ahead of myself again. Let’s just see what I got saved up.

Kneeling on the edge of my bed and fishing for my previously-forgotten tablet, I pulled the flat dish out of its bunker and brought it up with me to the center of the bed.

Feeling satisfied that the ear buds were still wiggled around it, I carefully untangled them before fiddling them up onto my horse ears. Not sure how I am able to accomplish certain things with thumb-less appendages, but again, I am not going to complain.

Good conveniences are good conveniences after all.

I turned the thing on and flicked the screen around in search for my music files. My smile only grew when I noticed the title of the first song that popped up.

Cheri, Cheri Lady from Modern Talking. The most 80’s band right next to Nina or The Scorpions. Plus they’re all German too so that works double for me. In your face, corporate America. I can hear the nationalists getting triggered already. Good, because they can’t get me here in magical rainbow horse land. Your nukes are no match for the power of RAINBOWS, MADAFAKAS!

Pressing the play button and laying back down, I just let myself go as the retro filled my hearing. Not sure how much time passed after that, but I know for a fact that 10 songs had passed through the self-arranged playlist when the door to my room suddenly creaked open.

How did I notice this despite my current lack of hearing? Well, easy, a certain olive green hoof suddenly shook me out of my groove which forced me to look up to its source.

She looked a bit annoyed, which was rather adorable on her greenish face I have to say, but other than that nothing new that I hadn’t already seen countless times before in my life.

People tend to either get confused or annoyed the moment I enter a room which I always liked for my own selfish sense of entertainment. Pleasing everyone is boring and downright impossible anyway, so why even bother? Just go the opposite route instead and see their reactions unfold. You wouldn’t believe the power that confusion can give you. More power than any Ring of power can ever grant you. See for yourselves, I have never seen the One ring downright stun someone into silence which would give the hero or the villain the much needed chance to get a quick and precise death blow to your enemy.

Confusion, baby! Only in Europe… and maybe parts of Asia as well.

She immediately started to say something which I, of course, was unable to hear. I secretly moved my right hoof under my pillow where I stashed my tablet (because I am clever) and fiddle for a while until I managed to turn it off which also canceled out the music.

“…doesn’t mean you should ignore it when somepony is calling you. Do you understand?” Olivia chided which just adds to her adorable naivety.

I just instinctively nodded despite not really knowing what the heck she was chiding me about in the first place. I managed to learn in my earlier years that just nodding when someone is looking particularly annoyed is usually the safest strategy. Used moderately during my school days and even all the way up to college years. But be careful, don’t exercise that mentally too much in other situations or you might otherwise get yourself roped into something that you clearly don’t want to.

Never happened to me thankfully, but then again it doesn’t really take a genius to come up with that logic. Especially when TV and the internet gives us the perfect examples.

She eventually just sighs, shaking her head before just looking tired instead of annoyed. “Anyway, as I said, Sir Brass has instructed me to ask if you would like to accompany him and I over to their family business in the heart of the City. It will be only you and Hector in the house if you choose to stay though, and I have to personally admit, he isn’t particularly well-suited for foals.” She explained, or rather repeated herself which in turn caused me to perk.

“Hmm, a chance to leave the house and see more of this damn city with only dad and frenchy over here? Well I do like frenchy… even though she thwarted my plans for coffee that one time.” I thought to myself while evaluating my options.

For one, I am fine from where I am now; just a bed, a tablet, and easy access to a toilet and a fridge. So really I am all set to waste my time as professionally as I have been since the day I was born.

But… what exactly am I procrastinating for? I am five in the eyes of these horses so I obviously have nothing to do. Which is fine by me, but I am getting off track again.

On the other hand, it would mean that I would be able to get some well-needed knowledge as to how my new step parents get all of their moolah. Plus I will be able to continue to prey on frenchy’s little naivety some more, which is always fun. The strong and insane must prey on the weak.

Learned quickly during my time here that she was obviously leaning more towards the naïve and innocent side of things. Two great perks for a guy like me to take full advantage of as this type of people are just the easiest to mess around with, and since I am considered by all to be nothing more than a normal five year old, you wouldn’t believe the shit that I am openly getting away with.

And, to be honest, I do kind of like her for that… or learned to like her. Maybe it’s just that French accent that draws me in. I am a sucker for good sounding accents though, just listen to Brass and Camellia for example.

Also, Olivia was the one who pointed me towards that cheese closet that one time, while being the one who always helps me to cut the cheese for easier consumption… yup, I think I do really like her, which means that I am going, just to confuse her some more and make her go cross-eyed.

With my decision set and my reasons laid out I just nod, letting her know that I was in on their gig which in turn just confused her for some reason.

“What? Does that mean yes for coming along or yes for staying here?” She questioned which in turn just made me frown a bit.

“Going with you two of course. Why would I nod for saying no? I am not going to be left behind with a wanna be Hector, just in case an Achilles comes by and thinks that I am his younger brother Paris or whatever. I don’t want anything to do with that, especially once they both start blaming me from stealing the beautiful Helen from Sparta myself.” I explain with a raised head and hoof, which in turn just confused her.

“Uh… what?” Was all she could say as she just looked at me funny.

I just kept going. “Yes, what. What will happen to Helen after Troy falls? I am certainly not going to ship her ass back to Sparta. Eine Seefahrt ist NICHT lustig, especially during that time period.” I dramatically added while crossing my hooves.

She was just completely lost at this point. She eventually regained her control and blinked, before shaking her head a bit to get the confusion cleared out. Seriously, what is it with these ponies and always suffering from a mini stroke when something doesn’t click with them?

“Anyway… so you want to come with us, then?” She asked, forcing her way back into the topic without suffering too much of a brain aneurysm.

I just smiled, accidentally ripping my ear bud out of my ears as I shot up.

“HELL YEAH, LET’S FUCKING GO TO A BARKADA TRIP, LET’S GO AND MEET SOME PEOPLE.” I declared with a huge amount of enthusiasm to back it up.

Olivia predictably flinched back, most likely because of my sudden tone, but from my swearing as well. She was about to say, or rather, chide me about it when I just interrupted her by hopping off my bed, passing by her and giving her a friendly slap on the hind leg.

“Anyway, time is money as they like to say, something I am sure Brass can agree on if I ever ask him about it. Let’s not keep Copper, Bronze and Brass waiting then. C’mon chop, chop.” I commented while making my way to the door, leaving the mare behind me stumped.

“Hey, wait up!” I heard her eventually respond as she quickly caught up to me.

I quickly allowed her to take the lead from this point forth as I had obviously no idea where the Brash boy was currently located. Even if I did, I would still most likely require some assistance regardless, simply because I haven’t bothered to familiarize myself with the layout of this place yet.

Why? Well, why should I? I already know where the kitchen is, where the exit is and I even know how to get to my room from these two aforementioned locations, a room that houses my own private bathroom as well. So really why would I need to know the rest of the mansion as well?

It’s not like Brass and Camellia possess some underground vault where they keep and store all of their coinage Scrooge Mcduck style or anything… on second thought, if both Brass and Camellia DO possess such a vault right under our hooves then I immediately need to know how to get there and where from.

I always wanted to see how it feels to swim in money. Those comic books do make it look very enticing.

Anyway, Olive and I where now just trotting along through the Baroque style hallways of this home. Her leading the way in front of me with me just casually following along before eventually staring up at her mini skirt out of boredom. And guess what was terrible? Well, not terrible-terrible, but more terrible as in TERRIBLE in hiding what a skirt should be hiding in the first place. It’s a pony ass, no surprise there, but what eventually really ended up to be a surprise and also somewhat intriguing, was the fact that she was actually wearing something back there.

No, they were not panties like most people would think, that idea would just be too simple and generic for this current situation. Nooo, what she was actually wearing back there was a full blown, hardcore, unadulterated white thong, a freaking thong going straight through her olive green butt cheeks. I didn’t even knew horses could wear those.

That my eyes went wide after THAT realization would have been an understatement.

Granted, they were still horrible, as in “they were doing a HORRIBLE job at concealing the very thing that they were designed to be concealing in the first case” kind of horrible. Why? Well, simply because of pony private parts being WAY more obvious naturally in comparisons to a human's. But still, it’s the thought that counts and the fact that she is actually not running around completely nude in the house, or in public… I think.

Now that I think about it, this would be highly inappropriate for public. Not just that, but also a very bad tease as well. A really bad tease as in “it leaves nothing open for a stallion’s imagination as it still perfectly outlines exactly what is actually hidden under there” kind of tease.

Zero effort, again you might actually be better off in just mimicking everybody else and wear absolutely nothing at all. You already have fur, just make sure that your naturally given drapes are doing their actual fucking job and it should be fine. I just contradicted myself, didn’t I?

I shook my head before just looking at something else to either admire or mentally bitch about.

Like her stockings. Completely the wrong color in my opinion.

Why am I turning into Karl Lagerfeld all of the sudden?

I just scratched my head. With all of that said and done and me once again looking somewhere else and not at my path for future reference, we eventually stopped in front of a large single door at the end of a hallway.

Olivia knocked politely a couple of times before waiting patiently.

“Yes, please come in.” I heard Brass respond from the other side, which in turn allowed Olivia next to me to open the door.

I peeked my head through. “Oh, it’s just a simple office. How… simple.” I thought to myself, feeling a bit disappointed.

Granted, there really wasn’t anything simple about it at first glance, given the fact that everything here just screamed Victorian style in terms of furnishing. But comparing this to everything else I have seen so far inside this house, this looks and feels pretty mediocre.

How… refreshing.

Olivia smiled as she stepped in. “I did as you asked, Sir Brass, and according to him, he is very much interested in joining us to downtown Canterlot. Even though his delivery on that was… random.” She announced.

Brass just smiled at that as he pulled out an envelope from a drawer. “That’s nice to know, always wanted to bring my children to ‘take your kids to work day’, as the others like to call it.” He half joked before closing said drawer and making his way to us. The things floating in his voodoo hoodoo.

Seriously, I really need to know how to do that myself, just imagine the shit I can pull with that.

“So you want to join us to our family’s business? Granted it’s not as exciting as Kindergarten or a toy store, but we can stop by and get ourselves some donuts and ice-cream on the way there if you want.” He suggested which in turn just made me look up at him with a curious frown.

“How about a cheese sandwich, or that one Starbucks clone me and Miss Camellia passed by the other day?” I counter-suggested, which gave Brass turn to look at me curiously.

“Well a cheese sandwich is fine, but getting you coffee is completely off-limits. Camellia has already told me what happened on that day and I am also fully convinced that coffee is not for young foals.” He explained which was a rather predictable answer.

I just puckered my lips in defiance and said nothing, knowing full well that I won’t get any coffee from him anytime soon… or anyone else for that matter.

What does a man have to do to get some coffee around here? I need my cup of Joe.

....................................................................................................................................

“Alright, you’re doing great… well, almost… actually, not at all. I guess a guitar truly is just for unicorns.” Miss Soft Harp commented as she took the guitar away with her magic.

I looked down at my hooves with a frown. The constant failed attempts and trying to properly pull the string has made my hooves all hurty.

Mother behind me just sigh; not a sigh of being tired but a sigh of disappointment, which is much worse and makes me feel even more bad than I already do.

I know mommy is trying her best, and I know that she really loves me but… the problems about me always seems to be about the fact that I don’t have a horn like mom and dad… or Alex.

I just looked down at the ground as my ears folded against my head. I really don’t understand why everything is so unfair around me. All because I wasn’t born without one of those horns.

I know that I am still a pony, but everypony just seems to treat me as if I was something else instead. It’s just not fair.

“Every instrument we have tried today just seems not to work well for Octavia. We even tried the piano, but she is still too small to reach all the keys, and besides that even if she does get older she still wouldn’t be able to operate the keys in the same effectiveness because earth ponies have somewhat broader hooves compared to the other races.” Miss Soft Harp explained, which I guess means something bad.

My mom just looked discouraged by that as she looked at all the instruments I was asked to try out, most of them just being too difficult for me to even hold. Like that trumpet thing or that violin, or that… pipe thing I forgot the name of. To me it looked like a flute but mommy said it had a more… professional name, whatever that means.

Overall, we have tried every instrument that Miss Soft Harp had in her shop. All of them turned out to be… too difficult for me to play or even get my hooves around. Well, I can play them, but I would guess anypony could just start stroking the strings with their hooves and some kind of sounds.

And just sound isn’t exactly music, as we all heard.

I just kept to myself as always did as mommy and Miss Soft Harp continued to talk to one another.

Not really sure what it was about because I wasn’t really paying much attention at that moment. I was just too busy feeling guilty in how I disappointed my mom… again.

“So you really don’t have anything else a foal like her could play?” My mom asked after I started to somewhat pay attention again, though my thoughts were still… not very nice.

Miss Soft sighs. “Well, yes. That’s, sadly, all the instruments I have at disposal at the moment. It’s just a shame none of them seem to connect with her very well, while other are just more affiliated with magic use. Again, I am sorry if I don’t have more to offer.” She apologized with a sorry tone.

Both Mommy and her eventually looked at me still slumping around the stool which just forced me to slump back even more. I just don’t like it when ponies look at me like this… as if I was different… as if I wasn’t a pony.

Maybe they are all right, maybe I am just… different. Maybe I am just weird after all.

I was really starting to feel awful. Everywhere I seem to go I just seemed to get reminded again and again that I don’t have a horn like mommy or daddy. Why is having a horn so important? Is this why Mom and Dad adopted Alex from the orphanage, to have a unicorn?

“Is he going to… replace me?”

My eyes went wide of just a moment before I forced these ideas out of my head.

“No, Alex is my friend and really has been the only true friend I have. He is funny, certainly weird and silly sometimes but still funny and really friendly to me. He even plays with me when other foals won’t. He is just… he just seems to understand me the most. I know that he is a friend.” I thought to myself in an attempt to calm myself down.

It was actually then when my mom tapped me on the shoulder which forced me to look up. She smiled, though somewhat sadly, which was worrying. I knew that she was disappointed.

“C’mon Octavia, Miss Soft Harp doesn’t seem to have anything here for you. Perhaps we could try again in a different music store with a different teacher.” Mommy explained. “Let’s just go take a small stop by the donut store. I will even buy your favorite flavor.”

With that I hopped off from my stool and followed my mom out of the store. I do like donuts, but I just know that even those won’t help me to feel better. I just feel so… lost right now. Like how I usually feel.

I just don’t understand why everything just seems so hard. Why can’t I just have more friends and have fun?

I just want to have fun, just like everypony else. No more of this “Bullshit” as Alex always says… whatever that means.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“So, does this mean that you are still a virgin?” I curiously asked Olivia while looking up at her from her lap that I managed to occupy against her will… and won.

She in turn just looked at me, shocked, while sporting a very obvious blush on her olive green cheeks.

“Wha… what the… just because I have never had a special somepony doesn’t mean that… HOW IN EQUESTRIA DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A VIRGIN IS?” She demanded, trying to look all offended even though I knew that she was both confused and totally embarrassed to the core.

Oh, how funny it is to mess with the naïve ones.

I just looked smugly at her. “Simple…” I began. ”Because of the Internet. You wouldn’t believe what a guy can find with just one simple google search.” I explained which just made her even more confused… if that is even possible.

“What… what the hay is an Internet?” She questioned which in turn just made me raise an eyebrow knowingly.

“Yeah, I know, right?” I stated with extended arms. “That’s what I am asking myself too. I mean, couldn’t they have come up with a much cooler name than just calling it the International Network? I mean, that name is just so… uninspiring, needs more finesse in my opinion.” This was apparently her breaking point as she seemed to physically give up.

“Nevermind, forget it, just… are we at the store yet?” She questioned while looking at Brass seated opposite from us.

He, of course didn’t pay her any attention, just like he has been this entire time since I conquered Olivia’s lap and started to probe her mind with questions. He has been staring at all of his notes and documents this entire time, mumbling something every once in a while and looking like he was crunching numbers in his head.

Basically doing his job while on his way to his job. Talk about taking your job seriously, and we haven’t even reached the sandwich store yet. What a great job.

I’m already getting hungry for just thinking about cheese sandwiches.

“Sir Brass, we have arrived at the Market district. Would you like us to make a stop at the closest food selling establishment, or would you like us to just continue straight to your store?” A rough sounding stallion called out, which was no doubt one of the dudes strapped onto this carriage.

Brass finally perked up to that as he lifted his head away from his papers, even going so far as to remove his glasses with his wonder wand before sticking his head out the window.

“Actually, would you two just pull over here instead? I was planning on doing a bit of shopping anyway before heading over to the family store. We might as well walk the rest of the way ourselves, it’s not that far from the store here anyway.” He said, which in turn caused me to look up at Olivia.

She looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. “Carry me.” I casually asked while raising my hoof towards her.

She just looked at me funny. “Carry you? Why would I want to carry you? You have perfectly good legs to stand and walk on your own.” She pointed out which in turn just made me pout.

“Well, if you don’t then I am going to tell everyone back at the store that you are a virgin, and love wearing a thongs under your skirt.” I threatened with crossed hooves.

Olivia of course didn’t look too happy, despite her blush. “What? No… you, you wouldn’t.” She challenged, a challenge that I gladly took on.

“Oh, I will.” I pressed on.

“Never.” She pressed on herself while getting close with her muzzle.

“Never what?” Brass suddenly joined in which in turn caused Olivia’s blush to only intensify.

“No-nothing, nothing at all sir, Alex and I are… just having a friendly game of dare… yes.” She tried to bullshit her way out.

Well, I was having none of that. ”Actually, I want to say that she loves to wear a se…” I tried to say before Olivia’s hoof had other ideas.

She just laughed awkwardly. “Shirt… of course I like wearing shirts, they are just a lot more comfortable than most ponies would give them credit for, in my opinion.” She quickly butted in, which in turn just caused Brass to raise an eyebrow.

He just shrugged it off before collecting all of his stuff, which was also the same time the carriage pulled off to the side and stopped at some random store which name I will most likely forget about later because it’s not important. So why even bother?

Olivia sighed in defeat. “Fine, I will carry you. But please keep that… strange mouth of yours shut while we are trotting around the streets. The last thing I want is for you to make a scene around us.” She pleaded before Brass stepped out of the box, followed by her and me now on her back.

I scratched my chin in thought. “A scene, how the heck can I make a scene without a script and a camera to work with?” I casually questioned which in turn just made her groan.

Also… ”You are basically asking a mad person to be sane. It’s like the coming of the four horsemen - you are just asking for the apocalypse to happen.”

But fine, I will force myself to keep quiet for now, only because I don’t want to lose my only cheese cutter’s favor… or have her die out of redness.

Really, what is it with these horses and their emotions? It’s all cranked up to eleven on them. Compliment them by saying that they are pretty and the first thing they will do is blush, face to the side and start pawing the ground awkwardly with a bit of a goofy smile on their faces.

All I did was telling that filly that she looked pretty good and BOOM, I get the “Kissing” song sang by everybody. Quite a surprise that they even know this song, let alone that it even exists in this world.

I guess they DO grow up really fast these days. I blame the internet, even though there isn’t one here… yet.

Riding around the shopping avenue… no really, that’s its name… on Olivia’s back was... well... what the fuck was everyone expecting? I am riding on Olivia’s back, around town, just because I am too lazy to do it myself. Nothing special here.

We simply visited a grocery store, a bookstore, and a supply store before we finally ended up at that one place that sells food and shit… well, food that you eat on a table, a food joint of some sort. I wouldn’t fully call it a restaurant either simply because the prices here weren’t outrageous.

They were all fast food level in pricing, which is nice… I guess.

Some of the ponies sitting around the tables outside the store give me and my group a curious look as we approached. I can tell that all of the diners in this decent establishment where all simple commoners. How? Well, they were all naked, that’s how.

Crazy how being naked in this world is considered to be middle class. Back it my world the reason why certain people didn’t have clothes in the first place was either because they are too poor, or self-justified hippies. Mostly option two, simply because even the poorest of people have at least rags to cover themselves up with.

I was, of course, forcefully removed from Olivia’s back and placed on a seat the moment we found one. Both Olivia and Brass quickly took their own as well as a waitress immediately came over to our table. Some ponies were still staring at us by the way, mostly at Brass who looked as British as ever.

“Welcome to Sunny Daisies and Sandwiches. What would the two gentle stallions and lady have?” She professionally questioned as she whipped out a notepad from her apron.

I only just noticed that she had neither a horn nor wings, which meant that she must be the same race as Octy face. In fact, nobody in this joint even had a horn, with most of them being your simple normies that where both horn- and wingless. I guess I now understand why all of them where looking at us curiously with some passing noble either looking shocked or just disgusted.

Brass, a noble, was dining in a place for normies, filled with normies, and he wasn’t giving a shit about it. This just perfectly drives home just how deep their racial and social divide really goes. Elites are expected to be just hanging out with either people of the same social or financial status while normies should just keep to themselves and not bother them. I can’t help but fully respect Brass for this, he is just one of those very few that just completely ignored this social mindset, despite having the rights to be just as snoopy is the rest of his kind, but completely ignored it for the sake of just “DO IT”.

He seemed like the golden egg on top a turd mountain, or maybe I have been watching too much “The Angry Videogame Nerd” to be quoting it like that.

Screw it, just give me my sandwich already. I have an Olivia to ride after all… well, ride as in literally riding her, and not that… other activity.

Get your minds out of the gutter you filthy people.

Brass just smiled at the young lady after he lowered his notes again. Can you please stop looking at those? Feeding a child is more important than making money. You already have a shit ton of that to begin with.

“Well, yes.” He responded before fixing his tie. “We would just like three of your triple cheese sandwich adventures please, and some simple juice along with it.” He ordered.

Now this should be funny. I have yet to see a non-horny to try and use a pen to write something with it. Until now all I have seen so far were either the use of a glow stick or the use of wings being mistaken as fingers. Which, by the way is normally bullshit, because feathers are feathers and not fingers. But hey, I saw it work with my own eyes, so who am I to call this bullshittery out?

She pulled out a pen out of the side of the notepad with her mouth and began to… oh, so that’s how they do it. All she did was move the pen around the pad with the help of her mouth. From my angle it looked super bullshit, but I would guess that she is actually writing something on that processed piece of driftwood and not just doodling some random scribbles on it. This action of hers is funnily enough a lot more believable than the whole wing issue I pointed out earlier. I can easily believe that, with practice, anyone could be able to write with their mouth. Maybe not that classic wavy style, but good enough to actually make it understandable.

When she was done, she stashed the notepad back into its lair and trotted off, only to stop and turn herself around, her expression telling me that she forgot something… which she did.

“Oh wait, I am so sorry for not asking, but what kind of juice would you like to have? We have many flavors to choose from.” She questioned.

Brass just kept his ever patient smile as he answered. “Whatever is on top of the order really, just surprise us.” He responded.

The mare nodded before trotting off once more to act on his order. A lot of the strange looks have long since subsided as many have simply returned to their own minds and businesses. Well, not all, that would be obviously WAY too easy. A noble, a mare to be precise, that I immediately recognized as that aunt figure of that one kid that Octavia should not be close to, just looked like she had her own two cents to throw into this well.

Or just rocks, as I would imagine that she would be too stingy and uptight to even do that.

I could already imagine what she was about to shat out.

“How tasteless, dining in such a dirt and common-run establishment for a pony of your status. Haven’t your parents ever taught you some self-respect or class?” She criticized, which was just typical.

Brass of course kept calm as he turned to the upstart hag. “Simple…” He began. ”It’s called enjoying the more simple aspects of life. Also, yes my parents HAVE taught me self-respect and class, which is why I am her still wearing my suit and keeping my mane well combed.” He responded, staying cool and not giving her any leverage.

She just huffed before trotting off but of course needed to have the last word. “Suit yourself, though don’t be surprised if the upcoming gossip about your presence here are going to impact your family's status. How you even managed to get some respect I will never know.” She added before disappearing into the crowd.

Brass sighed after she left while rubbing his forehead. “Almost just as bad as my uncle.” He muttered while momentarily keeping to himself.

I have to agree. Even though I have no idea who or how his uncle is, but from his expression he sounds just as aristocratic as the rest of these money hawks. Their ruler should be taxing the everlasting shit out of these guys to keep them in line. Unless she is just like them, then everybody here is fucked and I get my perfect excuse to find this “Germane” Octy once mentioned and to be with my people… well, theoretically speaking, of course.

Neither Brass nor I had the time to linger on our own thoughts for too long though as the apron-wearing mare suddenly came back with a plate balanced on her back. Brass being the oh-so-cliché gentleman that he is, used his voodoo hoodoo to free the mare of her burden and levitating the three plates of the sandy witches onto the table.

She kindly thanked him for his efforts before trotting off again to most likely get the batch of drinks he ordered.

For me it was “Fuck the drinks” especially when my sensitive pony nose quickly picked up the scent of these well-prepared morsels.

Cheese. Melted, heavenly cheese, and three of them at the same time.

My mouth just watered at the thought, even more so when I managed to identify the different smells thanks to years of experience.

“Fontina, Gouda, Mozzarella. I think my nose and my crotch are going to have an orgasm.” I thought to myself as I looked at the baked sandwich with an almost-vampiric need, before doing a Homer Simpsons instead and gurgling my own saliva.

“MINE!!!” I declared loudly which shocked everyone around me.

I grabbed the sandwich in my predatory hooves and squeezed it, watching as some of the cheese leaked, out which only intensified my inner beast.

Without wasting any time I took my first bite, only to realize that this shit was still melting hot. But I forced it down as my taste buds quickly registered something else.

I was in heaven. This also meant I need to somehow bug Olivia about making something similar to this back at home, otherwise I would be searching through her drawers for those thongs and blackmail her. If I can find her room that is... or I could just ask her.

Yes, I know blackmailing this sweet little naïve thing is just unethical… but I am hungry, damn it, and as long I am not legally old enough to raid the kitchens when someone is actually looking then I obviously need a pair of second… hooves to make me breakfast, lunch, and dindin.

Plus she cuts cheese like no other. Those precise, delicate slices which she makes are just so sexy to look at; those perfectly proportioned cuts, those slow strokes make any cheese enthusiast hard… not that I got hard by watcher her, simply because of the lack of muscle memory my new young body had in regards to pumping blood into some… ”Key areas”.

But I am getting ahead of myself again, especially since when my vision slowly started to swirl as I enthusiastically chewed on my food. Too bad that Fontina give me a lot of gas, otherwise I would have asked for seconds.

Which… wouldn’t have worked anyway if I still wanted to, because, as I said, Fontina has the tendency to give me gas, and me eating one right now does create an immediate recipe for disaster one way or another. Well a disaster for Olivia’s eyes at least.

I somehow managed to unhinge a massive boogey out of my system after my 3rd bite, which caused half of the outside consumers to immediately abandon their seats. Not sure how my new body is capable of such feats of bodily wastes in such quantities, but I blame the active cartoon physics that this world sometimes operates from... which does make my normal case of “Die Blähungen” a lot more prominent. In the end I still managed to “accidentally” create a scene despite Olivia’s wishes.

I just continued to happily chew on my food while Brass just looked at me funny with a handkerchief held to his nose while Olivia just buried her face in her hoof, most likely in embarrassment.

I guess I should try and make an effort to tell them what I can and cannot eat well in the future, especially with these cartoon physics coming out of hiding every once in a while.

But alas, I regret nothing. Plus its suits my needs pretty well.

Get used to my random scene making, Olivia. I can promise you more where that came from, either intentionally or unintentionally.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Well this is it, Alex, this is our family's pride and joy, and the very source and reason of our name and status within the noble community. The very symbol of the Silverwatch name but… I doubt you will have much interest in that anyway.” Brass announced as me, him and a still-agitated Olivia were standing in front of a rather big and very fancy looking establishment.

Right at the very center of the city, mind you.

I have to admit that I am not very impressed with this at all, even if this store is three stories tall. But then again, I have only seen the outside of it and not the inside. Furthermore, a three story building isn’t really that tall in comparisons to a three story building for humans, so there is that.

I just crossed my hooves and decided to be honest. “Not very impressive. It looks fancier in comparison to everything around it, but that’s it.” I answered, which in turn caused Brass to chuckle.

“Well, I will admit that from the outside it really doesn’t seem very special, but once you go inside and get an understanding of what our family has been specialized in and known for throughout the land, then I am sure that you would withdraw you lack of wonder just a little bit.” He responded, which in turn just made me more curious.

“We’ll see, Copper and Brass, we’ll see, thanks to my fever dreams and my over-exposure to the Internet I am very rock solid when it comes to my level of expectations and suspensions of disbelief, which… are almost non existent to be honest. So show me what you got.” I thought to myself as I followed brass into the front glass door of this supposedly-impressive thing.

Not for Olivia thought, as she was busy with her own problems in carrying all of the shit that Brass has bought on his shopping trip prior before finally getting here, which is also why I am not riding on her back anymore as it is occupied by a large set of shopping bags.

The moment I entered through the main hall was the moment when I realized what this store was all about, and again, I was not impressed, especially with some of the customers that here. Nobles, of course.

“This is just a massive jewelry and accessory store.” I commented out loud, feeling generally unimpressed by what the countless glass panels and shelves had to offer.

Again, Brass just chuckled while I was busy examining a rather simple silver necklace with a big sapphire as its highlight.

“Not just any jewelry and accessories, which would honestly be rather generic and a bit too trivial as to why our family name is so big despite the fact that we still possess the largest jewelry business in the city.” Brass explained as he moved behind the counter and opened one of the panels to pull a much more delicate and well-crafted necklace out of it.

“No, what makes our family so famous and respected for almost a 1000 years of history is because of our ability and talent to create some of the best enchanted jewelry and items in the whole kingdom. Our family has always been some of the most skilled jewelry smiths and enchanters since the early days of Equestria.” He finished, which he demonstrated by causing the gem in the necklace he was holding to glow in an almost fire-like effect.

I looked back down at the necklace behind the glass and saw that the sapphire-like gem also gave off a soft glow from its center, which in turn really caused my brows to arch up somewhat.

A rather pleasant surprise, but again nothing to major in my book. I just had to immediately connect this shop's specialties with services that the College of Winterhold offers. Enchanting services, and the selling of such items.

At this point I was just more focused on the possibility of getting myself a necklace with Conjuration reduction cost than the actual store itself. Just image all of those Atronachs I can let loose on those pesky nobles. Especially our next door neighbor, who I started to slowly hate thanks to his constant bachelor-esque parties that this show-off likes to host over there.

The tedious night time hours I had to suffer through because of him, and he even started to call me and Octy loud and rowdy whenever we were fucking about in the backyard.

The nerves of some people. I even discovered a batch of used condoms in one of his trash bags. What an animal.

I wonder if he could give me pointers.

I just scratched my head at that thought before just following dear old Brass past some onlookers, overinflated customers and of course a lot of bling.

Brass eventually told me that he had to head up to his office for some work that would most likely not interest me, so he offered that I could stay down here and roam around a bit as long as I behaved and didn’t harass the staff or customers.

Wishful thinking, but alas, what is a boy like me to do.

Olivia, on the other hand, was carrying those shopping bags into a side room that was only meant for employees. In other words, I was finally free to do what I wanted.

Ooh, the possibilities, especially in a place like this. I wonder if there is a necklace that can make someone look super attractive to anyone. I would totally give this necklace to Olivia so that she can stop pleasuring herself in vain.

I think that those were her moans I heard coming from the bathroom the other day. But I wasn’t really paying too much attention to it at the time, just like with a lot of other things in my life.

But alas, time to mingle with the jingles… uh, I mean, ponies.

I began to look around the shop at that point, trying to spy something to do, check out, or even my next victim to harass.

There was a decently sized number of customers roaming around the shop, which is honestly kind of a surprise, given what this store is all about. Granted, most of them do belong into the category of “I am too rich for this shit”, but there were of course some naked ponies mixed in between them as well, most likely to just browse what this joint has to offer and dream about having something that they obviously cannot pay for.

I actually find it somewhat good that these enchanted items are so difficult to obtain for the normal masses. Not because of the possible danger of some of them reaching the wrong… hooves, because they already kind of do, but mostly because it would mean more for me down to road to experiment with and to abuse the ever living shit out of them. First I need to give Brass and Camellia some cancer though, cancer as in adorable cancer; the diabetes. Use my pwease to woo them while I still can.

Or at least that’s the overall plan. If it works on mares then why not on stallions as well? Well, stallions that aren’t acting like little bitches.

After a moment of just looking around I eventually managed to spot a pleasing target. A simple mint green Pegasus mare stationed behind one of the counters. What immediately drew me to her were the facts that she kind of mimicked the oh-so-cliché sexy librarian look. Glasses, a hair bun, and of course a face that is just as innocent-looking as Olivia’s. A perfect target for harassment if I ever saw one.

I stopped myself as a thought suddenly crossed my mind. “Am I already going local?” I thought to myself with a bit of a surprise.

I immediately mentally dismissed it. “Nah, can’t be. I mean, my balls haven’t even dropped yet, so how in the living lala land can I even be producing the hormones necessary for such thoughts? Even if that is the case, then it wouldn’t really matter in the long run anyway as I would just forget about it again the next day. In-built firewall protection, better than any condom.” I thought to myself with a satisfied grin before making my way over to the other end of the counter. Ignoring all of the stares aimed at me and the complaining comments about letting a foal run around unsupervised within a magical bebop shop.

I sneaked my way behind the same counter the mare was occupying and pulled up a sizable stool up onto it that I managed to spot in a corner. The mare in question looked at me curiously from where she stood as I climbed up onto the stool right next to her, taking position onto the counter as if I was a salesman ready to sell something to some unsuspecting idiots.

Which I actually might, an idea immediately crossing my mind.

“Uhm… hello there, little foal? Uhm… what exactly brings you here into the Silverwatch shop all alone… and with no supervision?” The mare curiously asked beside me while I was busy making myself comfortable on the stool.

I eventually looked up at her with a businessman type look. “Entschuldigung, aber sprechen sie deutsch?” I randomly questioned which caused her to blink at me for a couple of times.

She raised a curious eyebrow as she responded. “Unzuverlässig Ja, aber leider nicht so flüssig.” She responded.

I just nod before looking back ahead of me before her words finally registered in my head. It was my turn to furrow my eyebrows as I looked back at the mint green mare next to me.

“Moment mal, sind sie vielleicht von Germane?” I curiously questioned.

She sadly shook her head. “No, though my parents originally come from there. I was born here in Equestria after they migrated. So basically I am a lot more equestrian than I am Germane.” She explained.

I just “Oh…” as a response feeling both intrigued and somewhat disappointed at the same time. I was really hoping for a second there that she was really German because it would have meant that I had someone to share my love with Pretzels and “Schwarzwälder kirschtorte” with. UND LEDERHOSEN, don’t forget about the Lederhosen… and beer.

Where is my Germany when I need it?

The mare besides me eventually smiled, before ruffling my already messy mane with her less messy wing to make it look even messier than it already was. So really, nothing has changed as far as I’m concerned.

I just shooed her wing away before retaking my business-like position on the counter, resting both my arms onto its surface and clapping my hoof together in a patient manner.

The mare beside me found my act to be somewhat amusing of course, as I heard her chuckling a bit. Too bad that this wasn’t an act, otherwise it would be kind of funny. But no, I was dead serious when I mentally decided to try and scam someone in of their hard… or easy earned cash.

“Would you stop your chuckling?! I am trying to attract some customers here.” I annoyingly pointed out which in turn caused the mare to look down at me curiously.

“You are? Well, in that case you can pretty much wait as long as you can sit still, because most ponies just come here to browse these wares and get immediately put off by these ridiculous prices we have in display here.” She explained, which in turn just caused me to bury my face into my hooves and groan.

“Well, with THAT attitude you certainly won’t sell anything. You got to be assertive, aggressive in your marketing, be literally in their faces until they finally succumb to your will and buy something from you, or until they just straight on punch you in the face for being so darn close. Because then you can file a lawsuit at them for assault and then scam them for even MORE money than you originally would have gotten from them. Its business making one-oh-one, has nobody ever taught you that in school?” I explained professionally and directly before returning to my pose.

The mare of course looked at me with confusion, and also a bit with surprise at my straightforward answer.

She was about to say something when I quickly cancelled her out by spotting my first customer; a yellow unicorn mare with an orange mane who was curiously browsing a set of rings at the same counter that me and… what her name where occupying.

“YOU THERE, GOOD AND TRUSTWORTHY CUSTOMER!” I shouted, which in turn wasn’t really that necessary as she was already within earshot.

But of course I did it anyway because MY business strategy is all about being aggressive. It also gives me a perfectly legitimate reason to shout too.

This did the trick, as the mare in question automatically lifted her gaze to look at me. The mare next to me was about so say something again, only for her to get artistically thwarted once again.

“I see that you seem to be highly interested in those beautiful rings that our house has so lovingly and skillfully crafted. What kind of a price range did you have in mind?” I professionally stated which in turn caused the mare to just curiously look at me.

Mystery mare number one was once more trying to take control of the situation before I shut her down yet again. Though this time by casually throwing some nearby ads at her face while keeping my gaze fixed on mystery mare number two.

I just kept my smile. “Well, do you wish to purchase something?” I casually questioned.

The mare just looked at me dumbly before shaking her head and regaining her composure. “What, no I was just looking around. Also aren’t you a bit too young to be selling anything, little colt?” She pointed out which in turn caused the sexy librarian to clear her face from all of those commercials.

“Yes that’s what I was going to say this entire time.” She unintelligently butted in, to which she was rewarded with another batch of ads directly in her face.

I just grinned. “Well, yes, yes I am.” I boldly stated before looking back at her. ”But just because I am young doesn’t mean that I lack the capacity to be reasonable. You see, manufacturing all these wears does cost a lot of time and effort on our part, so much so that it is very heavy on our funds which is why these prices seem ridiculous. A higher production cost does translate to a higher selling value after all. Do you understand me?” I explained casually while keeping my perfect business aesthetic.

She just scratched her head. “Well, yeah I guess that makes sense.” she responded before looking back at me. ”But still, why would I want to buy any of these? I mean, I would love to get an enchanted ring for my coltfriend the same way he got one for me during my birthday, but… again, it’s so expensive.” She sighs at the end.

I nod. “I understand, sometimes it is our budget which is holding us back from the things we want. Same for us, we need to make sales in order to continue providing Equestria with our enchanting expertise and wearables. Just imagine what would happen if we ever would go down like that. You won’t be able to get your love one the gift they so healthfully deserve and not just you, so many lovers all across the kingdom wouldn’t be able to show their loved ones just how much they mean to them. Is this kind of future that you wish upon your fellow kind?” I challenged while acting both sadden and somewhat distressed as the same time.

My tactic worked, milking the overemotional nature of these living crayons. “Well…” She began “That would certainly be a shame. I have heard that this family offers the absolute best in both goldsmithing and enchanting, and personally I really don’t know or have heard of anypony else being able to offer something so similar… well, the enchantments I mean. I don’t think anypony else makes enchantments so commercially available like that.” She explained, mostly to herself then me as she scratched her head again.

She did regain her focus though as she once again looked back at me. ”But, isn’t that what these noble are here for too? I bet these higher ups are your best customers.” She added.

I just shook my head. ”Nope, just because you are rich doesn’t mean that you are immune to stinginess and greed. I bet you know what I am talking about with this one.” I explained which in turn caused her eyes to light up in realization.

“Oh… well, yeah you're kind of right with that too.” She agreed while turning her gaze to some of the nobles. Said nobles were just looking at some of the items and scoffing, before turning around to leave the store.

At least there is one thing that these money bags are good for; proving someone's point, and in this case making me money.

Hah, who knew that rich people can help you make money. Ironic, right?

This was my moment to ram it home. “Well, you see, we can’t even rely on the rich to help us keep our expenses in check. It’s smaller individuals like you that have the mindset and will to peruse our wares for very special occasions and keep our business afloat. So please, I implore you to help us keep going and continue to provide excellent quality to the masses.” I explained.

She, of course as planned, was giving my words some thought. This wasn’t enough though, as she still seemed rather hesitant. I could perhaps pull out my diabetes card but what would be the fun in that? Instead I kept my visage business-oriented as a thought quickly entered my mind.

For the first time I looked over at nameless Pegasus for some answers. “Hey uhm…” I began which got the mares attention, she seemed momentarily lost before understanding my meaning.

She perked up. “Oh, yeah I haven’t told you my name have I?” She realized which just made me roll my eyes. Granted, I haven’t told her my name either, but that’s just because I didn’t have a good reason to do so. Again, despite sporting a sexy librarian type of look, she was still of course “Stranger danger” situations. Even more so thanks to some of the hentais I and my my cousin watched.

It was like spying, while also spying what he was spying. Those bloody tsunderes.

She just sighed. “My name is Andrea Wind. Wind pronounced in germane, that is. A lot of ponies do love to pronounce it in equestrian, just for simplicity’s sake.” She introduced herself, which in turn just made me nod.

Business first, introductions later… if I remember to, that is.

“Anyway, Andrea Wind, does this store accept monthly payments when a certain individual doesn’t have the funds to pay for an item outright? Like, credit or something?” I questioned curiously, which in turn caused Andrea to think for a moment.

She eventually nodded. “Well, yes, we do offer a credit system in case a customer wishes to purchase something that is currently outside their budget. Though we never fully advertise it to anypony simply because of… well, I don’t know honestly.” She explained, which was all the information I needed.

I turned back to the still waiting mare with a smile. “Well, there you go, miss, you can still be able to purchase something for your coltfriend despite not having enough bits on you right now. What kind of an enchantment were you looking for?” I laid out, which again caused the mare in front of me to start thinking.

She rubbed her chin with a hoof. “Well…” She began. “Something that could help him multitask better at his work. He does work as a crafts pony back in Ponyville, which means that he constantly has a lot of tools floating around within his magic. Something that will help him get some better control would be perfect.” She explained which again was all the information I needed.

I turned my gaze to wanna be “Deutsches Pferd”. ”Quick, go fetch the enchanting that matches this kind lady’s description.” I ordered which in turn caused Andrea dela mhe to raise a brow.

“Why not go look for it yourself since you are taking charge of this customer?” She countered.

I just gave her a deadpan look. “Really…?” I respond while crossing my hooves.

She just looked at me strangely before realization swiftly slapped her in the face. She just sighed before trotting past me. “Fine, I’ll go get them off the shelf.” She responded which in turn just made me smile.

“Excuse my coworker, she can be a bit dense in the head when it comes to customers.” I kindly explained which in turn caused the mare in question to look over her shoulder.

“I freaking heard that.” She called out.

The mare in front of me looked somewhat amused by this, which is exactly what I wanted to portray here.

A happy customer is a good customer after all.

Andrea eventually returned, with a tray full of rings, or horn rings as they are called. She placed the tray gently onto the glass surface of the counter. The mare perked up at that as her eyes scanned over the assorted items.

“Oh dear Celestia, they are so beautiful.” She commented, which again made me nod in agreement.

“They are, aren’t they? Please feel free to browse and ask questions. Andrea over here will gladly answer any question you have regarding these wares.” I explained.

“I am?” She asked with a hint of confusion.

I looked up at her with a neutral look. “Yes you are. It is your job, isn’t it?” I countered.

She just sighed again before stepping closer to the counter where the mare was carefully browsing the accessories.

The mare eventually looked up with an obvious question glinting inside her eyes.

“These are all fantastic, but… I don’t know which rings does what in terms of enchantment. I am looking for something that can help my coltfriend multitask better at his job.” The mare questioned.

Andrea on the other end rubbed her chin as she seemed to think, or rather try to remember what each of these rings do.

I just shook my head. “Why not just write it all down or label them so you don’t have to keep it all in your noggin’? I am pretty sure a list is laying around here somewhere.” I thought to myself as she continued to collect her thoughts.

She eventually perked up… before falling off again. It seems that in the end she just didn’t know in the beginning.

“I think I do have a list lying around here somewhere.” She mostly told herself which in turn just made me tap my hoof against the counter impatiently.

“Well hurry up, then. Stop being so inefficient and go get them.” I added which in turn just made her groan.

“Alright, alright! Geez, just just give me a second here.” She responded before sticking her head in a cupboard behind her.

I just smiled back at the mare which in turn caused her to scratch her furry little noggin. Andrea eventually returned, a list held within her lips. She quickly began to scan through them before smiling.

“Ah, here we go.” She announced as she placed the list down on the counter. She focused back at the rings. ”Alright, these four rings here are perfect for your requirements, miss…?” Andrea asked before looking up at the still nameless mare in front of us.

The mare perked up at that. “Oh, yeah. It’s Sunflower, or just Sunny as my friends like to call me thanks to my matching mane and coat colors.” The now-known Sunflower answered, which in turn made Andrea smile.

“Nice to meet you then, Sunflower. I can certainly see why ponies would rather call you by that nickname. Those colors really ma…” Andrea started before I promptly interrupted her by perhaps the third set of ads that she has received in her face this day.

Call about “getting showered by commercials these days” with the way I have been introducing her to both Manehatten fashion and Trottingham watchmakers, you would assume that she is getting more ads thrown at her face that any modern television.

If I keep this up she might eventually buy something from either of these two companies, which is good. That’s what commercials are for after all. They will annoy you until you finally buy something from them and be marked as an idiot for doing so, just to get even more ads later on.

Everybody wants your money, and right now I want this sunny-colored mare’s money so that I can impress Andrea with my commercial-ling skills and forget about it later on.

I have completely different priorities after all, whatever they are. I let future Alex worry about that. I am sure he will be cursing past Alex for his negligence and overall forgetfulness.

Either way I gave her a hard glare after she recovered from the shock of getting another batch of paper thrown at her. She looked at me in annoyance which only increased mine.

“Less girl talk and more providing service. Go ahead, chop chop, we don’t have all day, and neither does she if I am guessing correctly. What the heck is my adoptive dad paying you for?” I instructed.

Andrea just huffed before looking back at the mare who was just continuously lost thanks to our antics.

Andrea sighed before re-engaging her smile. “Well… as this… colt over here stated these here…” She pointed at a couple of rings individually. ”… are enchanted with the “dual mind” enchantment, offering a gather deal of control for a unicorn's magic when worn, but only for utility skills, of course.” She explained.

Sunny nods as she again looked at the presented rings with a greater degree of interest. A golden one with a blue gem embedded in it especially caught her attention.

“Hey, this one has the same exact same coat color as my coltfriend. The shape and size also looks pretty perfect for his horn.” She pointed out.

This obviously made me smile as it pretty much means that I have managed to make a hit and sink at the same time.

I leaned myself right in front Andrea and took her position. “A very good choice there, miss Sunny! Not only is it a very beautiful and well-crafted peace but also…” I stole a sideways glance at Andrea’s list before looking back. ”…the cheapest of them all, funnily enough.” I announced which again caused her to perk up.

“Wait, it is?” She questioned, sounding genuinely surprised to that.

“Seriously? Let me see that.” Andrea suddenly pushed herself forward to look at the list herself. Her eyes immediately went wide as she saw the price. “Dear Celestia, I haven’t even realized that these have been on sale for quite a while. Something to do with them having been sitting on the shelves since before I got hired here.” She realized, which of course was all the funfair I needed.

“So, are you interested then? Do you wish to help finance our continuous production and get something for you lovable coltfriend in return?” I questioned, which in turn caused the mare to nod.

“Well, I guess, I don’t see why not. Might as well do something nice for my lovable Aqua Shine in return for all the nice gifts and moments we spent with one another. Oh, this shall just be perfect.” She announced happily.

I nodded before looking over at Andrea. “Well, you heard her. Write her up and pack her bag. We managed to finally make a sale while at the same time helping our a wonderful relationship blossom even further. You two can easily continue whatever conversation the two of you were about to start after you’re done.” I instructed.

Andrea, on the other hand, just seemed somewhat dumbstruck as she finally realized that a little five year old colt like me actually made a sale today. She eventually shook her head, before finally doing her job and helping the mare write up her purchase.

“All in a day’s work.” I said with a grin.

Who knew that actual business work could be so damn easy?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I climbed up the stairs to the second floor where I think Brass ran off to when he ditched Olivia and me. The front of the door leading to the stairs was one of those “Personnel only” type of doors which most timid-minded individuals would normally ignore. Not me of course, since I am practically the son of the owner. That, and pulling out one of the oldest tricks in the book to the poor ass security personnel who stood there.

The old “Look over there” type of trick which in turn allowed me to quickly sneak in and look the door behind me. How? With the help of a chair of course which was conveniently placed right next to the entrance.

Thank you, mister convenience, and thank you, pony society, for having one of those indoor lock switches you could turn.

I just grinned to myself as I continued to climb the stairs in the hopes of finding my adopted money bag and trying to convince him to go and get me a soda.

Because I am thirsty, simple as that.

“I am not asking for your approval, nephew. I am expecting it. Your initiative in trying to get something out of your… hornless daughter is commendable, but still a useless endeavor. Without a horn, she will never get far in today’s society.” I heard a distant voice say after I finally reached the top.

My ears perked up at that. ”I smell a noble.” I told myself as I began to look around.

The upper level was really just your basic collection of doors and short corridors, most likely offices and one or two janitor closets for two horny employees to do in.

I should go check those closets for any white marks, but I have other eggs to fry at the moment, like following that voice so I can look at it, and complain.

“Uncle, we have already been over this. I do not care what you uphold, but she is still my daughter. I already did what you asked of me, so just let me be a normal father to my otherwise normal daughter.” I heard the distinct voice of Brass shout back as I followed its source.

I kept close to the wall and slowly sneaked my way over to a slightly ajar door. Not a very easy task, given that I have hooves.

Normal feet would certainly do a much better job in Metal Gearing this shit, especially with the floors being made of hard, polished wood.

I eventually reached the narrow slit that separated me from whatever it was that’s happening in there and casually let my ears to most of the dirty work.

I could hear someone scoff. “You and your sentimental side. Instead of upholding decades of tradition… it is certainly infuriating, dear nephew. I have no clue what my younger brother has done to you, but it doesn’t matter anyway.” I heard the old snobbish dude say with a sight before he continued. “Either way, I would like for you to focus more on the ‘Development’ of that second grade unicorn of yours so that he can become a grade one unicorn worth of our family’s standards. That’s why I instructed you to adopt one in the first place. One straight mishap of your wife is enough for me. I already warned you that marrying into a middle class mare would lead to problems.” He continued to bash.

I could practically hear Brass frowning hard, given his sharp breathing and low growling. Those horsey ears are pretty great, I have to say, but I can’t get distracted now, given from what I heard so far from these two.

“So… I have only been adopted just for the sake of needing a unicorn to succeed after him?” I thought to myself with an understanding expression.

I always had a feeling that there was more to this, especially the added lies in the orphanage and the later discovery that they actually do have a child of their own.

Some real low-end conspiracy shit, for more selfish reasons rather than for something grander. A pretty normal behavior for a sapient being. If it is capable to be kind and selfless, then it’s also capable of being cruel and selfish.

Such is the price of being self-conscious, receiving madness… wait, that’s just me.

I blinked my eyes before focusing back at the conversation, and not a second to late which allowed me to “Dishonor” this shit even further.

Now I just need rat-summoning powers.

“Yes, yes I will, uncle, I will. Just… just stop watching from over my shoulder all the time. I am aware of our family’s traditions and name. Alexander will be molded into the nephew you and the rest so demand. That’s why I even agreed to go through with this, to adopt a unicorn so that I can keep you all happy back in Trottingham, and to keep shelling our family’s expertise here in the capitol. Nothing more and nothing less.” Brass answered, which in turn just gave me a sentimental slap in the face.

It was my turn to frown at this. “So… I am basically just a ticket for Brass to keep his place and status here? I am perfectly fine to see selfishness in individuals, heck even I am perfectly fine and aware that I am doing it too, but this…? This is some real low great stuff right here, especially when considering that I am just a simple 5 year old foal that probably just wants a family of his own. Using a young rascals from an orphanage as a tool? Now that is some grade A selfishness right there.” I thought to myself as the conversation within the office continued.

Like really, imagine that it would be Mystic Tune in his place. The poor lass would be devastated to hear this. Not for me, of course, I obviously still got a win-win regardless. All the cheese and future coffee that I can get… if I play nice for this overzealous none-relative of mine… which most likely will never happen because I don’t like him… already.

I was about to leave when I suddenly heard a set of hoofsteps coming towards the door I was hiding behind.

Gotta love those hooves, spies and paparazzis will have a real hard time sneaking up to me without me knowing… which sadly also goes for me because… I am a tiny talking horse too.

Either way, I knew what was coming. So I did the only thing I could do, which was fucking nothing. The door opened outwards towards me which in turn caused me to be automatically shielded by whoever it was on the other side. A strange way to mount a door backwards, but hey, I am not complaining. Certainly makes this whole metal gearing a whole lot easier for me.

Just need an eye patch and a fake cigar and I am all set. Because I still need my lungs for more shouting and bullshit rambling.

“Whatever, dear nephew, let’s just hope you make a wonderful job. I hate to personally travel back over here to once again lecture you about traditions and priorities. Long-flight carriages are such a drag, and nauseating. Not to mention that those Pegasi are just too incompetent to flight straight.” Mister posh uncle commented.

I, of course, stayed quiet while rubbing my sore nose from the kiss it received while carefully eyeing the shadow of these two peeking out from the door's edge.

I heard Brass sigh. “Yes uncle, you do not need to worry. I will stay true to my auntie’s wishes and keep this forward store running in the capitol while upholding further expectations. You won’t need to travel to Canterlot anymore, I promise.” Brass answered.

I could see one of the shadows nod. “Good to hear, then.” He responded before trotting past the door, giving me a good view of his backside and finally revealing himself to me as he trotted away. A somewhat-fat looking old stud with light gray mane and a very light brown coat, also with a very expensive looking suit clinging to his skin.

The posh old dude eventually reached the same set of stairs that I just came from, disappearing around them and leaving me and Brass alone standing in the corridor.

Well, mostly him, as he obviously had no idea that I am hidden behind his backwards-installed door.

He grumbled, before giving the door which was shielding me a few test pulls and pushes. Thankfully not far enough to hit me with it a couple of times.

“Still can’t believe that two local carpenters managed to install the new sets of doors all backwards. Need to contact them again and have them fix them all.” He mumbled before stepping past the door and closing it in front of him, basically revealing me in the process.

His eyes went wide in surprise as I sat there frowning up at him with crossed forehooves.

“A-Alex… what… what are you doing here?” He stuttered.

My frown just deepened. “Playing Metal Gear, what do you think?” I answered before getting back up on all fours and casually canting away from him.

I gave him one last look before descending down the same set of stairs I just came from. “Which you ruined, by the way. Now I have to start the mission all over again without having reached any designated checkpoints yet. Thanks for your help.” I sarcastically added before leaving his confused and still-surprised form still standing there.

I was actually serious. I was hoping to feel all sneaky and spy-like when he just had to ruin it by leaving the office. The nerves of some people.