She knew nothing. Nothing except for the light, the blinding, burning light, the roaring sound that filled her ears, and the pain. The pain of burning alive, of being torn apart. Such pain that no thought was possible, and the only wish was that it might end.
It was like that forever. And then, suddenly, it wasn’t.
Darkness fell like a shroud, and the light stopped, the sound ceased, and the pain was gone. All at once, leaving her gasping in sudden relief.
It was so very good after everything. So very tempting to simply sink deeper, and to close her eyes, and simply… stop. She relaxed, and sank deeper for a moment before righting herself;
Whatever comfort the abyss offered, it didn’t offer her answers.
Who was she? Where was she? What had happened, why had it happened? She wanted to know. Needed to know. So she began moving upwards, hunting for something, anything, an end to the darkness.
It was like swimming while wearing heavy metal armor, or trying to walk while chained to a boulder larger than yourself. The darkness grabbed at her, whispered its comforting embrace with every motion, every thought, but she didn’t stop.
To stop was to sink, and to sink was to never find her answers.
She didn’t know how long she fought it, but after a time, she saw a light, and hurried toward it, pushing her tired body harder to reach it.
It grew, and grew, and grew. And then, she reached it.
A blinding burst of light, and sounds that were scrambled, a sudden sense of feeling after a time of numbness. Her mind came back to her in an instant, and she gasped.
Twilight Sparkle blinked in the sunlight streaming from a window, and paused as the colors of the room came back into focus.
She was in a room in Canterlot, one that appeared immaculate, unused. The bed hadn’t been slept in, the sheets crisp and folded, and everything had been cleaned recently. She looked around and then went to the door, pushing it open and stepping into the castle proper.
Why was she in Canterlot castle? There was something she was forgetting, but whatever it was evaded her.
She went in one direction, searching for answers. After a moment she found a series of windows and looked out over Canterlot and gasped.
Canterlot was damaged, holes in the buildings and small craters in the ground. She could see ponies working to mend them, and wondered what might have happened to cause such damage to the city.
Should she help? Maybe; if her search led her that way, or if she couldn’t find answers in the castle itself. She continued onward.
It seemed that the guard were all outside, helping the rebuilding. Nopony was in the castle, leaving it feeling empty and colder than it should have been. Halls were left abandoned, rooms without their normal occupants.
Twilight kept going until she happened to catch an echo of a voice from one hall and went toward it.
She found Applejack and Fluttershy, heading down one of the halls together. They stepped with care to not make a sound, and spoke softly, softer for a moment before rising again. Somepony had yelled, and the pair had flinched at it, whispering more before becoming comfortable again.
“It’s jus…”
“I know.” Fluttershy nodded sympathetically, and Applejack sighed, pulling her hat a little lower. Both ponies seemed distressed for some reason. Neither looked like they had been sleeping well.
“Girls?” Twilight asked, heading to them, “What’s wrong?”
“Where do ya think th other’s are?”
“I don’t know.” Twilight said.
“I saw Rainbow out near… the place.” Fluttershy whispered. “She’s… not well.”
“Yeah… her an th others are havin a real hard time with this…”
Fluttershy nodded, and Twilight hesitated, wondering what they were talking about.
“Hard time about what?” Twilight asked them. Neither pony gave an indication that they heard her.
“You are too Applejack.”
“I ain’t..! Oh… fine.” Applejack sighed again. “I… I’ve been havin a few… dreams. An I keep thinkin about what I coulda done differently, what I shoulda done. Granny always says that th past can’t hurt us, but sometimes…”
“Why don’t you visit her?”
Applejack hesitated for a long moment. “I… I’ll try.” She said, and then seemed to turn to a thoughtful nature. Almost like she was preparing herself for something hard or difficult.
Twilight was confused. What or who were they speaking about that had Applejack so upset and both ponies seemingly so consumed in thought that they weren’t hearing her?
Applejack paused at the doorway, and then nodded. “I’ll get there later. I got a few things ta do, an I need some… time.”
She hurried down a different hallway and Fluttershy kept going her own direction. Twilight hesitated for a moment before following Applejack. Her friend looked like she could use some help, or just some companionship.
She entered into the kitchens, and paused again. Other than Applejack, there didn’t seem to be anypony else there. She moved inside, and stopped, spotting Pinkie slouched against one table.
The pink mare seemed almost liquid, her mane and tail straight and a very unhappy look on her face. She was a little grey, and stared ahead of herself without actually looking. It was so alien to see her like that that Twilight froze as Applejack paced the kitchen, mumbling to herself.
“Pinkie?” she asked, heading to her, very concerned for her normally happy friend, “Pinkie, are you alright?”
Pinkie only sighed, and slipped from the table to stand on her hooves, standing with a slump to her.
She looked at Twilight and Twilight was shocked at the heart break in Pinkie’s eyes. The perpetually happy mare stared at Twilight as if her hopes and dreams had died.
“Pinkie?”
“… Go ahead.” she said, hanging her head again, speaking softly.
“Go ahead? With what?” Twilight asked.
“Say it. I messed up, real bad. Blame me, go ahead. I… I…” Pinkie’s eyes filled with tears and Twilight gaped.
“Pinkie, whatever happened… I won’t blame you. Even if you did do something. You can fix it, make up for it, make a new one, whatever! Just… Smile for me. Please?”
Pinkie looked back to her, almost surprised, and Twilight beamed at her, forcing herself. Pinkie gave a gentle chuckle, and just a ghost of a smile.
“That’s new… You should go see Rainbow. I think that you’ll help her.”
Twilight nodded and headed off, pausing when she realized that she didn’t know where Rainbow Dash was, and looked back to see an empty kitchen. She wondered if she should go looking for them for a moment, and then continued on. They could have gotten fairly far already, and she wanted answers.
Something was really wrong, and she was determined to find out what it was.
She hunted for Rainbow, traveling through an empty, cold, castle until she finally spotted her. She was down in the gardens for some reason, but it did give Twilight a direction at least.
It took her several minutes to get down there, and she passed by several guards on the way. Things seemed more normal near the gardens at least, and stepping out into the open air and sunlight she went to where she had seen Rainbow.
Something was off, but Twilight had more important things to worry about.
She soon spotted Rainbow again, and then paused, seeing what she was looking at.
A statue of herself, looking determined, and yet, sad. whoever had done it had been very talented. The statue of Twilight was ready to fight, but for some reason, she had tears on her face.
Had that always been there? She didn’t recall having a statue, and if she did, why one that looked like that?
It occupied a place of honor in the gardens, and looked freshly installed. Nothing was marring it, not even the grass at its base. She went forward, and heard Rainbow speaking to it.
“I should have. I really, really should have.” she said, her voice breaking slightly. “But too slow where it mattered.” She glanced at her wings and sighed, turning back. “What’s the point of being the fastest around anyway? It doesn’t make anything better…”
“Rainbow?”
One of Rainbow’s ear perked up for a moment. “I’m sorry. I said that a million times, and… It doesn’t feel like enough…”
“Rainbow, you don’t have to apologize.” Twilight said, and saw Rainbow hesitate before looking around. She seemed unable to spot Twilight for some reason.
“Rainbow!” she yelled, and Rainbow froze.
“…Twilight..?” she quavered, glancing around her.
“I’m over here.” Twilight said, moving closer.
Rainbow glanced at the statue, and seemed fearful and concerned. “Are… am I hearing things?”
“No.”
Rainbow froze again.
“Rainbow, what are you apologizing for? Is this like Pinkie? Did you do something wrong?”
“I… I said sorry! I meant it!” Rainbow abruptly yelled, stepping away from the statue and closer to Twilight. She nearly bumped into her.
“Rainbow!” Twilight yelled, leaning away from her. Rainbow screamed before shooting into the air and darting away, leaving Twilight perfectly confused.
What had just happened? What was going on with her friends? Why was Canterlot so damaged? Why had everypony developed hearing problems, other than Pinkie? It wasn’t making sense.
Twilight glanced up and spotted Luna flying somewhere near the castle. She moved to land and Twilight brightened.
If anypony knew what was happening, it was either Luna or Celestia. She ran that direction, determined to catch up to Luna before she flew away again.
She had never gone to that particular side of the castle, and passed through an iron gate before stopping.
She knew that Canterlot had a cemetery. She had just never visited, like everypony else. It was… morbid and didn’t really have a nice atmosphere. Nopony enjoyed going there, and only did so if they had to. A few flowers were placed on some of the graves, but they still looked like nopony had ever come there.
Twilight noted that she was finding the odd silence of the place comforting. It was a little bit like the darkness from before, and that same darkness collected on the edges of her vision before she shook it off. The two things seemed related, but she had something better to focus on.
She spotted Luna and Celestia near the center, and went toward them slowly. Luna was much the same as she always had been, but spoke in a hushed whisper and seemed less upbeat than she normally was. She was acting very oddly, but Celestia caught most of Twilight’s attention.
She drooped, her mane and tail barely fluttering, most of the color leeched from them. She looked like she had been crying recently, and for the first time since Twilight had ever known her, looked old. Celestia was radiating the burden of the years, and Twilight was shocked that anything could reduce her teacher to such a state.
The twin sisters were standing in front of a marble gravestone, implying that somepony had died. While that would depress normal ponies, Celestia… She had lived for a thousand years and more, right? She had seen death before, surely. Cold hearted as it might sound, what was so different about this one?
She crept closer, unwilling to disturb their moment, but desperately having to hear what they were speaking about.
“... wouldn’t want to see thee like this Tia.”
“Perhaps.” Celestia responded, her voice heavy, “But I cannot help it. She was special, and I can barely stand with her loss. And perhaps sister… perhaps she would.”
“Thou art making no…”
“No.” Celestia interrupted, her voice with an edge that made Twilight flinch. “Think sister. If she would have anypony to be angry at, it would be I.”
“How much time did I spend with her? How often did I encourage her, guide her, believe her? And then, in a single moment, I tore it all apart.” Her eyes filled with tears, and Twilight found herself unable to move or speak at the simple shock of hearing and seeing her like that.
Celestia closed her eyes. “When she really needed it, we abandoned her. When she needed help, her friends left her, everything she trusted in betrayed her, and I saw her shock and fear and pain. I saw her like that and reprimanded her. I was a fool, and left her after taking everything away from her."
“I can only imagine that pain. The pain that she suffered, the pain that I caused. Maybe she does wish me to suffer. To atone for that. It would be fitting for me..."
“Sister…”
Celestia sobbed, and Twilight was in shock. What had happened!? Celestia had done what?! Who was this pony!?
Celestia kept crying, and flapped her wings to ascend, heading toward her room. Luna stared after her, and then looked to the grave again, her own sad expression appearing on her face.
“Surely thou wouldn’t. Tia is only speaking in her grief. Thou art too… Thou would never do such a thing.”
“The pony whom she taught for years? The pony who made her friends and sent all those letters? I have saved them, do not fear; Tia might be grieving, but one day she will look over them once more and smile. I know that thou woulds’t never wish such a thing on her, or anypony else, regardless of how much they think so.”
Luna looked back toward where Celestia had gone. Then she sighed and drooped a little herself, her mane and tail losing a healthy portion of their color and flutter.
“Four days. Just four days ago you saved us all and if I could, I would turn the world around to find that day again. But I can't, and we must all continue without you. Rest well… My only friend.”
Luna flew away, leaving Twilight staring, still shocked. She went to the gravestone numbly, staring after the alicorn, nearly unable to comprehend the pain and hurt that the sisters had shown.
She needed to know. But she found herself somehow… unwilling to view the grave sight. What if it was somepony she knew? Somepony she cared about?
She was in denial. She knew who they had talked about, but didn't want to see it. It took several moments before she forced herself to look up and rad the little golden plaque on the gravestone.
‘Twilight Sparkle. Our Savior.’ it said.
She remembered…
Twilight sobbed, leaning on the stairs in the throne room. Her world had shattered, her friends had left her, nor believing her. Spike had left her, her brother, controlled by some spell, had yelled at her, and Celestia…
Celestia, her teacher, the pony who mattered more than anything else, the pony that Twilight looked up to like a second mother... had simply dismissed her with little more than a short phrase. Made it very obvious that she didn't want to see Twilight again.
Her light had broken apart, and she sobbed, her mind disoriented.
Had she been right? Was it worth it to be right? Something was wrong, but was she certain, or simply paranoid?
She heard something above her, and looked up into Cadance’s eyes. Twilight reached one conclusion;
Even if she was right, she would rather live a lie than her current truth.
“I’m sorry.” she said, still crying.
“You will be.” Cadance had said in a voice that wasn’t her own. Her horn crackled with green and Twilight had fallen.
The rage that had filled her when the fake had taunted her. The spells to slay and kill coming to the forefront, read long ago and never used before.
She had found the real Cadance, but she hadn’t found her peace. Her peace was gone, and nothing was going to bring it back. Nothing except one thing: killing the one that had done this to her.
When she confronted Chrysalis, she had enacted her plan. She teleported right in front of the changeling queen, and in a single motion, stabbed her with her horn and cast.
Every changeling had fallen from what was called ‘emphatic blast’. Where anything connected to the target suffered the same as the target, the spell designed to be used in concert with other spells. It was one of the darkest magics a unicorn could use. Twilight found using it easy right then.
Twilight had intended to simply disintegrate the queen’s insides, and maybe find peace after it was over. Chrysalis was faster.
She overpowered Twilight’s spell even as she died, and the pair of them had been torn apart by the resultant forces. It had been agony.
Like she burned alive and was tearing apart. A blinding, burning light, and a roaring sound that would never stop.
Twilight stared at the grave, and everything made sense.
Her friends were suffering from her death and whatever guilt they could find from it. Pinkie had wanted Twilight to blame her, and blame her for what became obvious; her death. Applejack was mustering the courage to speak to either her grave or her monument, built after her death four days ago. Fluttershy trying to help Applejack and probably the others find peace.
Twilight Sparkle was dead. How she continued on, she didn’t know, and didn’t care.
Everypony she cared about was suffering, worse than they ever had been. She could only imagine what Spike or her brother were like. Celestia had been blaming herself for everything without end. Spike, the honorable dragon he tried to be, would be doing the same. And if her brother had been conscious during his control, which Twilight, really, really, hoped he hadn't been, would be devastated from what he had done and said to her.
Her peace was gone, and in its passing their peace had shattered.
The darkness swaddled her again, but she didn’t notice nor care. Even the comfort it offered could not mend the pain in her heart. She screamed and sobbed from that pain, and nothing could stop it.
She would have given anything to stop it. Anything to mend it, anything to at least say goodbye. But there was nothing left. Nothing for her to fight for anymore.
She had found her answers. And they were dragging her down.
Twilight sank into the darkness, still sobbing as thought became harder and harder.
And even if it took years, not one of her friends would ever truly recover. The wounds from their abandonment of her would remain, some worse than others.
Twilight Sparkle had saved them all from the changelings with the worst spell she could have used. She had died a hero.
But she had died proving them all fools. She had died without an opportunity for anypony to say goodbye or sorry. She had died and left more regrets than most could bear.
She sank, but no matter how far, the pain never stopped. Her friends lived on, and no matter how many days, they would never stop hurting. Celestia forced herself to continue on, but would always find her pain again, even if only in her dreams.
Rarity took in Spike, and Shining Armor and Cadance hadn’t gotten married. The happiest event in their lives had turned into the most horrifying one possible. They didn’t know if they could ever truly get together without reminding themselves of that. Her friends suffered from nightmares, and to Luna's confusion, they wanted them. A kind of punishment that they wanted to suffer.
Twilight died… and the light died with her.
