Ah, (Fresh) Meating the Parents

by Sanguine Dream

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Crossover, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Night Light, Other, Romance, Comedy, Twilight Velvet
Length: 4806

Somehow, a 10 foot, half-ton demon of slaughter is normal here.

You’ve been dating Twi for a little over half a year now. Your relationship has had it’s ups and downs like any relationship has. You’ve done your best to be protective while letting Twi be her own mare. Twi on the other hand has been very supportive for when you’re sent off to deal with threats to Equestria. However this most recent development has you worried. Twilight, like normal with unplanned events, is completely losing her mind. This really shouldn’t worry you. You’ve walked through armies of bug-ponies, divided a centaur, and single-handedly carved your way through a rather disgusting empire of Caribou. (Thankfully they won’t be an issue anymore).

This should be easy for you. Especially since you’re a 10 foot tall, half ton monstrosity known as The Butcher. They can see past that right?

If you couldn’t tell this is a crackshipfic.

Now with a Semi-Sequel: The Father of a Chicken goes to Parent-Teacher Conferences
The origin of the Nexus-verse.

WTF? What... Wat...... This got featured on 7/23/17 Just... how?

Published 2017-07-21 23:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-21 23:10:06 UTC

Ponies are weird.

Author's Note

This is random and stupid.
Nobody should read this.
:trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft:
Honestly I laughed almost the entire time I was writing this.
It’s weird, and it’s stupid, and I hope you like it.

Ponies are weird.

“Oh this is bad! This is really really bad!”

You calmly rested with your back to a wall, one hand on you blackboard-sized whiteboard, and one holding the massive expo marker Twi had made for you. You silently watched Twilight Sparkle pace a circle around the map table what ponies had been calling The Castle of Friendship. Her hooves made soft clinking noises with every step. She’d been doing this for over an hour now. Ever since she got a letter from her parents.

“Twiiiiilight.” Spike half-whined from his spot on my leg. “It’s not going to be that bad.”

You wince and hiss an intake of breathe.

Wrong thing to say Spikey-boy.

Twi freezes.

Spike instantly knew that he’d dun goofed. He made to move, but you set down the marker and gently grab onto his tail. He looked up at you with pleading eyes. You shake your head with a grim smile.

No Spike, you’re going to face your poor choice of words.

“N-not... Not that bad?” A few hairs pop out of her mane.

Uh-oh. She was further along than I thought.

Her head slowly turns towards Spike. “NOT THAT BAD!?!” Twilight’s voice unintentionally turned into the Royal Caps Lock.

Quickly you stuff your fingers in your mouth and whistle loudly. You pick Spike up. You then proceeded to hurl him through the air like a football. Which in turn, sent him sailing through one of the many empty window frames. (The glass had to stop being replaced after you accidentally broke all the windows in the castle for the fifth time. Though Twi had told everypony that it was because the castle didn’t get a good enough airflow.) You heard Spike call out as he flew. “Thanks Jack, I owe you!” A blur of rainbow caught the flying dragon.

Hopefully Rainbow will take him to Rarity’s or something.

Your gaze lowers back to Twi. She’s simply staring out the window that you’d just chucked Spike out of. She looks broken. Her mane’s now a mess and she’s beginning to shake.

Okay. Panic attack induced Rage Quit avoided. Now for Damage Control.

You reach out and gently pick up the mare like she was a cat. Instantly she goes limp. You set her in the crook of your arm and begin to pet her like said fuzzy house creature. You hear her begin to sniffle as you begin to feel small spots of wetness on your arm.

Oh Twi. What am I going to do with you?

“Th-they’re going t-to h-hate y-you-hoo-hoooo!” She half-sobs, half-moans.

“Graaaagh.” You rumble.

“No... They’re going to hate you. Then Shining and Cadence will hate you. Then Princess Celestia will hate you. Then We’ll both be banished to T-Tartarus-uh-ussssssss!” Twi sobs like a little filly. It made your soul hurt.

“Raagh aghrr rah.” You say quietly.

Twi sniffles. “Heh *hick* heh. *sneerkt* You always know what to say.” She simultaneously giggles, hiccups, and snorts a deep breath in. It was rather impressive actually.

“Raghr. Raaaghragh.” You say, continuing to pet the small alicorn.

“You’re right... I am being a silly filly.” She sighs and nuzzles your hand.

“Arghr garr.” You nod.

“Yep. I know I was overreacting... Thanks...” Twi admits, sounding a little tired.

“Garrag. Arghr.” You smile down at her.

“Right!” Twi pushes her was out of your arms, leaving her fur all floofy. She shakes herself briefly, then sets herself. “Tonight is going to go great! We are going to go have dinner with my parents and they are going to love you, and everything is going to go fine!” She puffs out her chest cutely.

You pop your knuckles then neck, and proceed to stand up. You lean your whiteboard against the wall and grab your cleaver.

“Jack....” Twilight says warningly. She glares up at you, death in her eyes. “No weapons.”

You blink then point at it. “Graagh.”

“No we are not going to be attacked while we’re having dinner!” Twilight says in exasperation.

You sigh. “Mrrgh, hrrgr.”

“Oh stop pouting.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s not like you can’t just summon it to you anyway. Oh, and have you had your suit cleaned recently?”

“Garmmf?”

“What do you mean why?” Twilight returns to glaring. “It’s for dinner tonight.”

You blink and narrow your eyes at her. “Gramm marrgh raggrl.”

“Of course you wear something nice the first time you see your parents.”

“Garr.” You raise a brow.

“Yes you do.” She responds.

“Garrrr.” You responded, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Yeees. You do.” Twilight growls.

“Garrrgh arrghr.” You snort.

“Well we aren’t on Earth!” She snaps.

Instantly the room felt like it dropped fifty degrees. You feel a pit grow in your stomach as the blood rushes from your face and chills run down your spine.

Low blow Twi..... Low Blow.

Twilight snaps out of her anger haze, and gasps as her forehooves fly up to her mouth. “Oh..... Jack I’m so sorry! I-I shouldn’t’ve...” Tears well up in her eyes again. “I’m so sorry.”

You take a deep breath in and let it out. “Arrggh.”

“You sure?”

You nod.

“Okay.” She slowly trots up to you and nuzzles your leg. “Why were we fighting again?”

“Gagggh garrr.” You say reaching down and scratching Twi’s ears.

“Welllll....” She sighs as your hands do their work. “You might not need to wear something nice to meeting my parents, but you will because it’s Canterlot and I want you to wear something nice. You showered this morning right?”

You nod. “Raggh.”

“Oh good. How did the talk with the dragon go by the way?” Twi asks as you remove her hand. Her mane is once again a mess. This time it was your fault.

You shrug. “Raagghl.”

“Well that’s to be expected.” She nods. “It’s not like he’d fight you. You killed Tirek in a pretty spectacular way. Tartarus, it got you a stain-glass window in the Canterlot Castle throne room.”

“Arrggl.” You shrug once again. “Arragh rragh?”

“Well if we’re taking the train....” She screwed up her face in thought. “I’d say we have to be at the train station by five-thirty.”

You nod and retrieve your marker and cleaver with one hand and you whiteboard with the other. “Raaagh aaarragh?”

“No they didn’t say where we were going, just that we we meeting them at their house.” Twilight said as you began heading towards your room.

The rest of the day went swift yet quiet. You did manage to find your suit. (Which was a gift from Rarity so you didn’t have to wear “That hideous blood-stained apron.” However you could never find someone or somepony who could make you a decent top hat to go with it.) Twilight had chosen a nice, not-too fancy blue dress.You also made it the the train station ahead of schedule. (You carried Twi despite her protests. Rainbow and Spike were on the ground laughing, having also spilled their milkshakes they’d gotten from Sugarcube Corner.) The train ride was thankfully quiet, with nopony else on the train. (Then again Twi did request to use the Royal Carriage.) When you got of the train with Twi, you look at her for direction.

“It’s this way.” She points a hoof down a street.

You just nod and gesture for her to lead the way.

Canterlot wasn’t exactly a busy place. Yet everypony there, to your eyes, looked like they believed themselves above of everypony else and had somewhere important they needed to be. You did your best to ignore the trotting commentary by the ponies you passed but things like.

“Oh look at the monster all dressed up.”

and

“Is the princess really with that thing?”

You really didn’t know if you wanted to cry or kill all of them or both. “Rrrghl.” you mutter.

“It’s okay jack.” You looked down to see Twi smiling up at you as she trots ahead. “Don’t listen to them. What they say doesn’t matter. Plus you kill things for a living, so you’ve actually done something to earn some status, compared to them who’re probably just resting on the laurels of their ancestors.”

You grin and puff out your chest. “Raaaagh!”

“That’s right.” She briefly looks around then leans closer to you. “If you're good tonight, I’ll give you something special.” She says will a mischievous set of bedroom eyes.

You cough and do your best to maintain composure. “A-Aggrl R-raagh.” You stutter.

“I know we’re in public. I just don’t care.” Twi winks at you.

You narrow your eyes at her. “Arrgh Raaa?”

“I’m just in a good mood.” She smiles and turns to look to see where she’s going only for her to stop. “Oh! We’re here!”

You look up and over to see a brownstone-style house.... Apartment.... Thing.... One, of whatever it was classified as, slightly wider than you’d see on Earth. A mansion Brownstone? That’s different.

Twi trots up the walk and up the steps to the front door. You shrug and follow her, however you’re too big to use the stairs, so you just stand at the bottom. As if this wasn’t going to be awkward enough.

Twilight raps a hoof on the door then looks back at you. “Kneel.” She hisses at you.

You blink. “Raagh?”

“You’re too intimidating when fully erect.” She says, entirely serious.

“*Sneerrkt* Ghe heh. Arrgh?” You half-choke on a laugh.

“I know what I said. Now kneel.” She points a hoof at you forcefully.

“Arrgl.” You cock your head to the side.

“I don’t care, you’ll at least be close enough to head height.” She glares at you. Then her face softens. She sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m just nervous.”

You give her a soft smile and kneel. “Arragl.”

“I know. It’s just.... me.” She shakes her head. Just then, the handle to the door turns, and Twilight whirls around to face it.

The door opens and, who you could only guess is Twilight’s mother steps out. (She was a white unicorn mare with teal eyes, a white and purple striped mane and tail, and a Cutie Mark of three purple stars.) Unlike Twilight, she isn’t wearing anything. The moment she spots Twilight. “Twilight! Oh you look so pretty! We told you this was social, you didn’t have to dress up!” She smiles at her as she gives her daughter a big hug.

“I know... But your meeting my... ummm... coltfriend...” Twilight says, blushing and stuttering awkwardly.

You raise a brow at the mare.

Really?

Twi’s mother let’s go of her daughter, then she locks eyes on you. What she says momentarily stuns you. “Awwwwwww Twiiiii, My birthday’s not for another month! You didn’t have to get me a stripper!”

Twi instantly freezes with a look of shock evident on her face.

You however throw back you head and laugh. “GRA HA HA HA HA HA!”

Twi’s mother turns back to the open doorway. “Nighty, Twilight got me a stripper!”

A stallions voice from inside calls out. “Really? Is he attractive this time?”

Twi is having a fit. You however can’t breathe. You slam your fist into the brick pathway and cover your face with a hand as you’re dying of laughter.

Twi’s mother looks back at you. No, actually he’s an ugly one. But on the plus side he’s wearing a suit, and if his size is anything to go by he’s got a massive-”

“M-mom!” Twi half-shrieks, red-faced. “W-why do you always do th-this! Th-that’s not a stripper!”

“False alarm hon. Not a stripper.” Twi’s mother calls into the house.

A blue unicorn stallion, with gold eyes, a dark blue mane and tail, and a Cutie Mark of two crescent moons, trots out to join her. “Oh that’s disappointing.” On seeing you, he whistles. “That’s very disappointing. Look at those hands!”

“I know!” Twi’s mother moans.

“W-why must you two always do this!?” Twi sputters.

You’re gasping for air at this point. You’re trying everything in your power to stop laughing, but it isn’t really working. You’re crying bloody tears, which splatter onto the brick beneath you. Hopefully they won’t stain your suit. Though that’s just wishful thinking.

A stallion comes out of the house next door, clearly prepared to say something.

“Hi there, Bright.” Twilight’s mother says with a wave.

Bright however, sees you and turns right back around and shuts the door.

“Nice stallion.” Twi’s mother comments.

“Yeah, he is.” Her father nods in agreement.

You’ve finally calmed down enough. You manage to take a very deep breaths and you point at the two parents. “Raagh! Arrghl!”

“Awwwwwww, thank you!” Twi’s mother says as she and Twi’s father come down to greet you properly.

“Arrgl.” You awkwardly apologize, gesturing at the bloody and broken brick pathway beneath you.

“Oh that’s fine, we’ve been putting off getting that redone anyway.” Twi’s father chuckles. He holds out a forehoof. “Nightlight, this is my wife Twilight Velvet.”

“Arrgl.” You grin and engulf his leg in your hand and shake it gently. You then do the same to Velvet. “Arrghhll. Raaghh.” You wink at Velvet.

“O-oh... M-my!” Velvet blushes hard enough to turn pink.

“You’re right she is.” Nightlight agrees. “I’m a lucky stallion.” He then stage-whispers. “I know what we’re roleplaying later!”

“Oh, you naughty colt!” She gives her husband bedroom eyes.

Twi, finally over her mini-breakdown. trots down to join you. “Ugh! You two! I don’t- Agh! Anyway! This is Jackson Carmine Alistair, The Butcher. Though he prefers Jack.” She gestures a hoof at you. “He’s..... my... coltfriend...” She smiles weakly.

“Hmmmm.” Nightlight narrows his eyes at you. “Wouldn’t demonfriend be more accurate?”

“How about fiendfriend?” Velvet suggests.

“Arrgh.” You point at Velvet

“Fiendfriend it is.” Nightlight nods.

“Ah-ah...” Twilight’s eye twitches then she shakes herself. “Fine, fiendfriend.”

“I like him.” Velvet says with a grin.

“Me too.” Nightlight nods.”

Twi visibly relaxes with a slight slump. “Good... So where are we going?”

“Oh, Princess Celestia invited us all to dinner. We were just supposed to invite you ourselves so you wouldn’t freak out about it.” Nightlight smiled.

Twilight’s jaw drops.

“Also Discord is supposed to be there. Nice creature. He get’s my humor.” He continues with a chuckle.

Twi’s eye twitches, a few hairs pop out of her mane.

Nope. Avoiding this now.

You pick Twi up and begin to pet her. She immediately begins to relax. “Jaaaaack.” She whines weakly, though clearly she’s comfortable. “Not in front of my parents.”

“Oh that’s just adorable! We need to get a picture of that before the night’s over!” Velvet says giddily poking her husband with a hoof.

“Good idea.” Nightlight nods with a grin.

“Arrgh?” You ask turning away from the house.

“Yes let’s. We were already ready to go when you two showed up.”Velvet says as she and Nightlight begin trotting away from the house, leading the way to the castle.

“You can put me down now.” Twilight says from within your hands.

“Arrgh?” You ask.

“Yes, yes I’m calm.” She says, sounding a little worn out from her almost freak out.

Instead of setting her on the ground however, you bring her up and set her on top of your head between your horns. Twi just lays there limply sprawled over your head. You now have a Twily-hat.

“You know I should be mad... but you’re warm.” Twi says nuzzling you.

Velvet happens to notice. “Oh my Faust!” She coos loudly. “We need a picture of that too!”

“We can get one later.” Nightlight says with a grin. “We need pictures to show the grandfoals anyway.”

“Ah heh heh.” You chuckle. “Arrghl, ragg?”

“Oh me?” Velvet asks. “I’m an author. I’m an editor for A.K. Yearling.”

“Arrgl?” You ask curiously.

“Oh! Y-you don’t want to know what she writes!” Twilight says, weakly trying to panic.

“I write erotic fiction.” Velvet says with a grin.

You nod. “Arrghs, ragghs. Arrgg, raaagh?” You ask, reaching up to gently pat Twi to help he calm down.

“Oh yes, miss Heartstrings and I regularly send each other letters.” Velvet says with a nod. “She... really knows how to write sex scenes.” She blushes profusely.

“Raaagh.” You nod in agreement, then look to Nightlight. “Arrgh?”

“I happen to be a teacher as Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.” Nightlight says. “It’s a nice job, but unfortunately they want me to retire. Can you believe that?”

“Ragagh?” You blink.

“Because I’ve been working there for thirty years. Can you believe I’m fifty?” He asks.

You blink and lean back a bit. “Arrrgh raagh?”

“Indeed he is.” Velvet grins. “I’m actually fifty-three.”

“Raaagh...” You say stupidly. “Raaghl.”

“Why thank you!” Velvet says with a blush.

Suddenly you all stop and you look up to see that you’ve made it to Canterlot Castle.

It takes seconds to be let in and a rather nervous looking guardsmare leads your way.

“U-ummmm sir?” She asks from the front of the pack while Nightlight and Velvet talk quietly amongst each other. Twi on the other hand, actually fell asleep on your head. Pictures needed to be taken before she woke up.

“Raagh?” You respond to the mare.

“Y-you... ummmm.”

Awwww, she’s nervous.

“You’re th-the one that k-killed Tirek right?” She asks with a blush.

“Arrg.” You nod.

“C-can I get your autograph before you leave?” She stammers, blushing even more.

“Raagh. Heh heh.” You nod with a chuckle.

“Thank you!” She squees. Then she composes herself. “I-I mean, thank you sir.” She says as you reach what you know to be the dining room.

You nod at her as you push the doors open. Inside the massive, ballroom-esque, dining room is a somewhat larger than normal dinner table with three empty chairs, plus a larger chair for you. It actually looks tiny in this large room. Princess Celestia is sitting at the far end, devoid of her traditional regalia. Discord is sitting across from her in a violently bright blue wingback chair that also happens to be floating a few feet off the ground.

“Ah, Fresh Meat!” You roar to announce yourself. Somehow that didn’t wake Twilight. Then again Twilight can sleep through anything when she’s tired enough, and you know that she didn’t get much sleep last night.

Both Celestia and Discord look over at your announcement.

“Jackson!” Celestia grins. “Glad you could make it!”

“Ja-” Discord turns the whole chair around, and begins to speak, then looks up at Twilight. “You’ve got something on your head there guy.”

“Ragggh. Heh heh heh.” You chuckle as you wander over to the left side of the table. Nightlight and Velvet take the other side. You take your seat next to Celestia, with Twi still out cold on top of you.

“What are we going to do? We shouldn’t just leave Twilight like that. She’d miss dinner.” Velvet says conspiratorially. Everyone else gets mischievous looks, including yourself.

“Raggh.” You suggest.

“Oh brilliant! One sec, I need a camera.” Discord giggles and in a flash he has a Canon disposable camera. He takes a few pictures of sleeping Twilight on your head then says. “Okay do it.”

You lean over so Twi is right next to Celestia. “Twilight.” Celestia says quietly while poking the smaller alicorn with a wing.

“Mmnngh.” Twi mumbles and hides her face with her hooves.

“Twilight, it’s time to get up.” Celestia says only slightly louder.

“Oh this is the cutest thing!” Velvet half-hisses as she steals the camera from Discord and begin snapping photos.

“Mmmmmm Don’ wanna.” Twi mumbles, her wings sleepily flapping in annoyance.

“But Twilight, you’re going to miss dinner.” Celestia’s now having a hard time not laughing.

“Hmmmm.... Wha?... What?” You feel her stiffened slightly. Then, with a loud yelp, Twi falls forward off your head. You thankfully manage to catch her.

You look down to see her glaring up at you, looking a little poofy with ruffled wings. “You let me fall asleep!?”

“Arrghl” You shrug.

“I don’t care if I needed sleep!” Twi pouts, stomping a how on your palm. “This is so embarrassing!”

Velvet grins and snaps more pictures. “Just more pictures for the grandfoals hon.”

Twi huffs and climbs over you to sit in her chair. As soon as she does, servers come in bearing plates of salad. However, a couple come in bearing a large tray of bacon and ribs. You mouth immediately begins to water. As they set the food down Celestia says. “Well thank you for coming, I hope you enjoy.” With that everyone digs in. You enjoy your meat plate but have to shoo Twi and Celestia away from your bacon. It was your bacon and you intended to eat all of it.

“So, Jack. Please, tell us a little about yourself.” Nightlight says.

You finish munching on a rib, glaring as both Tia and Twi steal a couple pieces of bacon. “Arrghl raaagh arrgh raghh raaagh mmmrrgh rrrggmmm arrrgh raagh.” You explain how you got here, how you met Twi, and how you two ended up.

“Ah, I see. I’m sorry to hear that.” Nightlight says somewhat solemnly.

“Jack, I know this is a sore topic, but what do you miss most about Earth?” Velvet asks, curious yet somewhat depressed.

“Raaagh.” You state.

“Your voice? Why? We can understand you just fine.” Velvet says, looking a little confused.

“Jack used to sing for a living.” Twi said putting a hoof on your leg. “He could here, and he’s tried. But... it’s not the same...”

You give a weak smile to Twi. “Raaggh.”

“You’re welcome hon.” Twi smiles up at you.

“Can we move on to something not so depressing?” Discord asks with a sigh, extending a paw to try and steal a piece of bacon.

You hand lashes out and grabs it. You fix Discord with a death glare and release the tiniest fraction of you killing intent. Everyone instantly pales. Celestia just rolls her eyes. “Raagh arrgh ragh.” You rumble and release Discord’s paw.

“Right. I won’t try that again.” Discord nods, looking a little shaken.

“I agree with Discord.” Nightlight says, looking curious. “Jack would you mind recounting your fight with Tirek for us?”

You blink, not exactly expecting that question. You look over to Celestia.

“There’s already a window of it.” She shrugs.

You look down to Twi. She shrugs. “I’m sure they could handle it.”

Shrugging, you open your mouth to begin. Only to be interrupted be a commotion outside.

Suddenly a large group of unicorns wearing white robes burst through the doors.

“Princesses! We are here to save you from this foul monster!” Cries the lead Stallion in fancy robes inlaid with golden filigree.

“Sorry Princess, they were really demanding and they wouldn’t leave.” The voice of a guard called into the room.

“No problem. Just close the doors and send for a cleaning crew.” Celestia responds.

“You got it.” Came the response as a couple guards closed the doors once again.

Celestia takes a deep breath in and places her forehooves together. “So, how can I help you?” The annoyance was clear both in her face and her voice.

The lead pony steps forward, away from his fellows. He briefly looks taken aback, then steels himself. “Princesses we’re here to slay this evil monster that’s taken over your minds!” He thrusts a hoof in your direction.

You blink and gesture to yourself. “Raagh?”

“Oh really?” Celestia raises a brow. “Well you just interrupted a very special dinner. The cake was about to be served too.” An eyes twitched. She looks at you. “Jack, would you mind removing that one?”

You shrug and give her a thumbs up. You scoot your chair out. “Raggh.” You apologise to the others at the table ahead of time. This was going to be a little bloody.

“Pfff. It’s fine.” Discord waves you off, yet is suddenly wearing a plastic raincoat. You also realise that everyone is now. Velvet and Nightlight blink briefly then glance at Twilight.

Twi sighs. “And tonight was going so well too.”

“I know Twi. They’re be cleared out soon.” Celestia reaches over and pats Twi’s shoulder with a hoof.

You stride over and stop a few feet in front of the stallion, towering over him and compatriots. “I do not fear You demon!” He roars, yet he doesn’t make a move.

There was one nice thing about this suit that Rarity made for you. It was tearaway for moments just like this. In one swift motion, surprising for one of your build and size, you tear away your pants toss them to the side and swiftly do the same with your shirt, leaving you only in your massive pair of jean shorts.

“WOO!” Velvet hollars and you hear bits landing at your feet.

“Maybe he is a stripper.” Nightlight says, sounding impressed.

“Dammit you two!” Twilight snaps.

The stallion blinks in confusion as you point at him and break to dance. The accompanying ponies jaws drop almost in unison, as they stare in abject confusion.

Suddenly a bloody tear in reality opens above the lead stallion. A crimson droplet drips onto his face. He looks up in time to see your cleaver come hurtling down from the hole. Said stallion ceases to exist in any solid form as the cleaver hits him with enough force to turn him into little more than a pinkish mist.

Maintaining your dance you reach out, grab the cleaver now embedded in the stonework, pull it from it’s resting place, and twirl it to have it come to a rest along your shoulders. You end your dance with the universal Come At Me Bro gesture.

The crowd of ponies are silent. However Discord, Tia, Velvet, and Nightlight are all dying of laughter.

You glance back to see Nightlight pounding the table with a forehoof. Velvet is red-faced. As is Tia. Discord’s on the ground rolling. Twi is just silently facehoofing.

“Th-th-that is the single most horrible and most hilarious thing I have ever see-he-he-heen!” Nightlight yells through laughs and gasps for air.

“Hmmmph. Tirek was that. Hmmmmmph! But worse.” Discord tries to contain his laughter, resulting in seisure-like snorts, as he pulls himself to his feet.

You look back around as you hear hooves. One of the other... cultists? Cultists. One of the other cultists had trotted forward. “We’re sorry for ruining your dinner, have a pleasant evening.” With that the whole group turns, and as one, trots out of the room.

You shrug, return your your seat after collecting your suit, and set the suit bundle next to your chair, as well as lean your cleaver against said chair. “Raaagh.” You apologise. Everyone else seems to have calmed down. Cake is soon served. (It was a delicious devil’s food cake, and the pun is not lost on you.)

As everyone finishes, you glance over at Celestia and she smiles and gives you the barest hint of a nod.

You take a breath and shift yourself to look at Twi. You clear your throat. “Raagh?”

“Hmmm?” Twilight looks up at you, a few crumbs clinging to the sides of her mouth.

“Arrg-” You take a steadying breath. “Raagh...”

Twilight blinks. “What do you mean, you knew about tonight?”

“Arrgh. Ragh.” You explain, your heart thundering in your chest.

“You had this set up? Why?” Twilight looks very confused.

You gesture to Velvet and Nightlight.

“You met them already? Wh- Wait, you met them already and didn’t tell me!?” Twi snaps as she glares at you. “That’s why they acted like that!”

“No we would have done that anyway.” Nightlight chuckles from across the table.

“Ugh!” Twilight groans then looks back to you. “Why you see them?”

“Raaagh.” You can barely get the rumble out.

“Their blessing for what?” Twi is beyond confused by this point.

Taking a steady breathe, you stand up. You scoot the chair out of the way, kneel down in front of her and fish around in your back pocket until you find what you're hunting. “T-t-t-Twiaagh-laaght. Sp-spaarghle.” You manage to force the words out your throat.

“Awwww You said my...” She pales as comprehension finally dawns on her face. Her hooves fly up to try and hide her blush, as tears well up in her eyes. “O-oh my gosh... Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!”

“R-raaaagh. Arrrgh. Raaagh. Arrrgh. Raaagh.” You hold out your hand to her. In your palm is a ring of black metal. “Raagh?”

Twilight’s eyes are streaming as she looks at the black horn-ring. She nods. She drops her hooves and nods, sniffling.

“Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”