You wonder if she knows that you can read people's minds.
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The Father of a Chicken goes to Parent-Teacher Conferences
You wonder if she knows that you can read people's minds.
“Dad! Dad! Dad” Scoots is bouncing around your legs like a happy puppy as the two of you walk down the path from your small cottage to the Ponyville Schoolhouse.
“What’s got you so excited Scoots?” You ask. Since this was more of a social thing, you wore the black shorts Rarity made for you, as well as a plain black tee shirt. However, because you can never be too careful, you kept the armor on your nerve cord and you wore your gauntlets.
“Because I love you.” She chirps before getting a mischievous grin. “And you’re going to be talking to Miss Cheerilee.”
“One, you’re cute.” You chuckle. “And what about Cheerilee?”
Scoots pouts. “Fuck that! I’m not cute! I’m a fucking badflank!” She says while puffing out her chest.
Your eyes twist into what equates to a dark smile. “Hell yes you are, now Cheerilee?”
Scoots simmers down a bit as you keep walking. “Welllll, rumor has it that she has a thing for you. Since you’re my dad now, we can actually see if that means anything.”
You cock your head to the side. “And here I thought you always wanted Rainbow Dash to be your mom?”
Scoots stops and her face falls a bit. “Well..... I did.... for the longest time.... but... She doesn’t notice me.....” She sniffles a bit. “She’s nice... and she’d make a great flight instructor... I think..... b-but... She... she never..” She looks up at you with a weak smile, tears just starting to form in the corners of her eyes. “I know what it’s like for those girls in my manga. So... I’m moving on.... You’re my dad and you’re the best dad ever. I just want to see you happy now.”
“Awww Scoots..” You say, feeling your heart ache from everything she said. You bend over and pick her up. “I love you too.” You gently run your hands through her mane and scratch behind ear, causing her to sigh in contentment. “So...” You chuckle as you continue your walk to school. “You’ve moved on to shipping me with Cheerilee?”
Scoots grins evilly. “Yeah. The best part is, you can read her mind. You can find out what she really thinks of you.” She giggles while rubbing her eyes. “You never know, if things go well I may just happen to have a sleepover at Rarijin’s.”
“You naughty filly, thinking your dad’s going to get some later.” You chuckle. “You are getting some ice cream when we get home.”
“Woo!” Scoots cheers. “Wait! Just think! Spoiled Rich would be like!” The filly then squirms until she pops out of your arms, her mane, tail, and coat all puffed up from doing so. She grabs a stick with a hoof. “Lemme Smash. Please.” She says in completely monotone voice.
“Hmmmmph.” You clench your head to contain the laughter. “No Spoiled, go find Filthy.” You quote flawlessly.
“You want sum fuk?” Scoots shakes her head and waves a hoof at you.
“No Spoiled, I don’t want sum fuk.” You actually make your voice sound like the video’s.
“I got you blue.” Scoots holds out a blue pen. “Hey boy, you want sum tail? Thwip.” Scoots flicks her tail.
“Ugh.... Spoiled your tail is small.” You respond looking away and crossing your arms over your chest.
“wot...” Scoots blinks. “Swiggity Swooty?”
“You want yellow?” She holds out a bit. Then her head drops. “He doesn’t want yellow.” Holding out each thing she sits on her haunches. “Blue and Yellow?” She drops them. “No.”
You start walking again. “Spoiled, I’m leaving.”
Scoots blinks. “Wot?” She chases after you. “No! Wait! Lemme Smash!” As she catches up to you she hangs her head. “What’s my life come to? Filthy thought my tail was big. Filthy used to lemme smash. But Al’s smashin Cheerilee. Cheerilee is a ho.” She starts running around you while kicking up dirt and clods of grass. Passing ponies give her very confused looks. “Fuck this grass! Fuck Cheerilee! I need you Al! Al Lemme Smash!” She picks up a loose down tree branch. “Imma get that bitch a stick! Bitches love sticks! Wrong Stick!” She tosses it away just to get another one. “Stick!” She proceeds to go through a few sticks. “Stick! Stick! Stick! Stick! Need Stick! Got Stick! Al Lemme Smash!”
You’re facepalming and roaring with laughter. “Hahahahahahaha! C-calm down Scoots! You don’t want to wear yourself out before the meeting.” You drop your hand as you calm down. You notice how dusty and and grass covered she is. “Well there goes all the work you did to clean up for this. You’re taking a shower when you get home.”
“If I’m going to Rarijin’s I can take one there.” Scoots shrugs nonchalantly.
“Right, if you do, be careful with Sweetie Belle.” you shrug as well.
“What?!” Her head snaps up to you, her coat now a deeper shade of orange. “What do you mean?!”
“Scoots. I’m a psychic.” You say flatly, giving her a blank look. “Do you know how hard it is to sleep some nights? How can you be as quiet as a whisper yet simultaneously scream like a banshee?”
“Oh Faust....” Scoots goes a deeper red and refuses to look at you. “We are not having this conversation.....”
“That’s not funny now, is it Kakarot?” You raise a brow at her. “But in all seriousness Scoots. It’s fine. You’re a growing filly and I know that you need to have your private time.”
“Faust, just... just kill me now..” Scoots groaned.
“I’m almost done, calm your tits.” You roll your eyes then sigh. “Scoots all I’m saying is, be careful. Both with your body and your heart. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You’ve been through enough.” You say, finishing with another sigh.
Scoots’s blush recedes a little. She sighs as well. “Thanks dad, it’s nice to know that you care so much.”
“Of course Scoots.” You nod. You look back to the path to see that you’re almost to school. There are various fillies and colts with their parents standing around and talking. Every so often a set would go in and come out a few minutes later. More often than not, a colt or filly will look depressed on the way out. As far as you know Scoots is doing fine. So no worry there.
As you start up the path proper to the schoolhouse a voice stops the two of you. “Well if it isn’t the flightless blank flank and her freak of a father.”
Scoots turns around and you simply look over your shoulder. Standing there is Spoiled Rich, (Looking haughty as usual) and Diamond Tiara. (Who looks tired and almost worried.) Almost unsurprisingly Scoots looks and feels confused rather than angry.
‘HEY DAD SHE KNOWS YOU KILL THINGS FOR A LIVING RIGHT?’ Scoots’s mental shout makes you wince.
‘Tone it down Scoots. Like I taught you, just think at me.’ You glance at the filly.
She gives you a sheepish smile. ‘Sorry.’
‘It’s alright.’ A thought occurs. “Come along Scoots, we do not have time to deal with these weaklings.” You say, channeling as much of your body’s namesake as you can, before striding forward. Scoots quickly follows you. You and Scoots wait at the door as Derpy, Dinky, and James walk out of the school. Dinky and Derpy both look quite happy.
“Jimmy.” You nod at James as he passes.
“Al.” James nods in return. “See you for cards later?”
You glance inside to see Cheerilee organizing her desk, before glancing back to James. “Depends on how this goes.” You chuckle.
James glances from you to Cheerilee and back, before giving you a knowing smirk. “Well tell me later if the rumors are true.”
“James, I am a gentletoss. One does not kiss and tell.” You incline your head while smirking with your eyes.
“Al you’re funny! You can’t kiss! You don’t have lips!” Dinky giggles madly at what is admittedly a pretty funny thought.
“That’s right Dinks.” James bends down and picks up the filly. “Now how about we go get some ice cream?”
“Yay!” The filly cried as she was carried off by James. Derpy gave you a smile and a nod as she quickly followed after her husband and daughter.
You look in to see Scoots sitting in a chair on the other side of the desk that Cheerilee was sitting behind. Cheerilee briefly glances at you, before swiftly grabbing and organizing her folders. ‘Oh Faust! He’s here! Calm down Cheerilee, you haven’t met him yet! He could be a terrible pony- er- person!’ She mentally ranted to herself.
Oh... how cute. She had a crush. You chuckle quietly to yourself as you walk into the schoolhouse and sit next to your daughter.
Let the battle begin....
You calmly fold your hands together and rest them on the desk. “Miss Cheerilee.” You nod at the mare. “Apologies on the lateness. Scoot’s tells me good things about you.”
“Oh thank you.” Cheerilee smiles. “It’s quite alright, the day went quicker than I thought it would. It’s nice to have my last meeting be one that will hopefully be quick and will go well.” She giggles. Her giggle is almost musical. Perhaps she was a singer before becoming a teacher? “Also, I hear the same of you.” Her inner-monologue tells a different story however. ‘Oh that voice! I don’t care if he sounds a little like Discord! I could melt just from hearing him speak.’ Interesting. “Is it true you slay monsters with Jack the Butcher, James Raynor, Zul’jin, and well..... everyone else like you?” ‘Mom always said to avoid bad stallions, “they’ll break your heart.” Then again.... He’s not a stallion...’
Clever mare. “I do, but not as much lately with getting Scoots here settled in.” You gesture to Scoots. “I also have other duties like helping newly arrived Displaced, as well as being a councillor of sorts for said Displaced. Those, happen to be on hold as well.”
‘So he’s making sure she’s comfortable before going back to work. That’s a good sign.’ “Yes, well Mister Alarak, about Scootaloo.” Cheerilee pulls out a folder with Scoots’s name on it.
You hold up a hand. “Please.” You chuckle. “Mister Alarak was my father, call me Al.”
‘O-oh my goodness! He’s got a sense of humor too!’ Cheerilee clears her throat. “Ahem, well thank you for coming Al.”
“Oh, it’s a pleasure. How’s my little hellion doing? I hope she’s not giving you too much trouble.” You reach over to fluff Scoots’s mane.
Cheerilee smiles as she opens the folder to show you Scoots’s report card. “She’s doing fantastic actually.” ‘Oh they are just so cute together! He’s such a good father- Nope! Cheerilee you are not going to start a relationship with a student's father! Not again! The last time ended terribly! He was just using you!’
The poor mare. Your eyes soften a bit. She’s been through a lot hasn’t she? Could that be why she get’s along with Scoots so well? You lightly shake your head to clear the thoughts. You readopt your eye smile. “Oh really, I know she’s doing well but how much are we talking here? It’d be nice to know if there’s anything I can, or should be, helping her with.”
Cheerilee settles herself into her chair. “Well she’s got A’s in everything except math. That’s where she struggles a bit and that’s still a B.” ‘Right, calm down Cheerilee. This is fine. So what if he’s a good provider- I mean father!’
You reach over and muss Scoots’s mane again. “Well, look at you! Why didn’t you tell me you were doing this well? We should celebrate!”
Scootaloo pouts and flails at your hand. “Daaaaaaad! I didn’t tell you because everyone would think I’m an egghead!”
You let go of your irritated daughter, giving her a somewhat flat look. “And what’s wrong with being an egghead Scoots? Twilight Sparkle is an egghead and she has enough power to beat her fiance so hard she knocks the detail out of his animation. I egghead so hard I make blades of pure mind fuckery come out of my wrists and fuck over anything that even thinks of harming those close to me with fucking crimson brain lightning.”
You look back to Cheerilee to see her blushing. She weakly clears her throat. “Ahem, you swear in front of your filly?” ‘Please say yes. Please say yes! I need someone who doesn’t filter! I am so sick and tired of parents who shelter and coddle their children!’
Scott’s puffs out her chest, flares her wings, and begins to strut in place on her chair. “Fuck yeah he does.”
You slowly lock eyes with Cheerilee. “She’s going to find out eventually. Why should I filter? It’s better if she hear it from me anyway, rather than having her pick up bad habits from others. She knows when to filter around polite company.”
Cheerilee blinks as her mouth falls open slightly. Her blush intensifies. ‘O-oh.... Oh F-Faust... He’s perfect.... I-I’m actually getting wet off this... What the fuck?’ “I-” She squeaks out before shaking herself and clearing her throat. You notice a certain scent in the air. Such was Cheerilee’s focus on you that she doesn’t notice the ‘You Gonna Smash’ smirk that Scoots was giving you.
‘Scoots. Do note that most children do not try to get their parents laid.’ You mentally say to Scoots as you spare her the briefest glance.
‘Noted. I, however, am perfectly fine pimping out my dad to a mare who wants him. This ship is going to fucking sail. This NEEDS to happen.’ Scoots responded, with the slightest change to a wicked grin. ‘Who knows, if this works out well enough I may get a mom out of this.’
‘You sly filly. I’ve taught you well.’ You mentally laugh in response, as Cheerilee manages to form a coherent sentence. “Ahem... Am... Am I not polite company?”
You cock your head to the side. “I don’t know...” Your eyes bore into hers. “Are you?”
Outwardly her eyes widen only slightly. Besides the blush, she appears totally calm. This mare could fight Celestia for the title of Best Held Composure Under Pressure. Internally however. ‘He knows! Somehow he knows what I’m thinking! O-oh Faust! Why is that so hot?! What’s wrong with me?! Faust how long has it been since I got laid?! Am I that desperate? Could he be doing something to me? No! He’s too..... F-Faust!’
Smiling you stand up. Scoots hops off her chair as well. “Well, it looks like Scoots is doing wonderful.” You nod at her.
“Y-yes.” Cheerilee says a little shakily. “It’s been n-nice.” She gives you a weak smile. You faintly hear her quiet panting. ‘No! Don’t leave yet! Not yet! Please! I-I- Oh Faust! I’m right there! I know it’s terrible and that I’m a bad mare, but please, if you can hear me, just stay for a moment longer!’’
You walk out the door with Scoots in tow. ‘So... how bad off is she?’ Scoots asks.
‘I almost made her finish if that’s anything.’ You glance at her.
Scoots looks a little impressed. ‘Go dad. Now I just have to not think about the fact that you will probably be fucking my future mom later.’
‘Good luck with that. If it helps, think about your plans with Sweetie later.’ You two slowly make you way down the path, having to weave through the rather impressive amount of chatting parents and playing fillies and colts.
‘Thanks. I’ll try to do that.’ She rolls her eyes.
“So! How bad off is that little blank flank you call a daughter?” The comment makes you and Scoots freeze. It feels like the temperature just dropped dramatically. Everypony immediately can tell that something is about to happen and pulls back into a loose circle. They aren’t exactly scared, nor do they want to fully leave. The mental consensus is something resembling. Oh shit, this is going to be brutal. I need to see what happens.
‘O-oh... F-Faust!. Wait- What’s happening outside- Is that Spoiled and... Al? What’s- Oh no....’ You can still hear Cheerilee’s thoughts from here. You turn to see Spoiled Rich only a few feet away. (Looking even more haughty than usual.) Diamond is standing a foot or two behind her. (Now looking almost terrified.) A clearly shivering Cheerilee stands at the door to the schoolhouse.
“That flightless chicken is failing, isn’t she?” Spoiled smirks. “Not surprising when not even her biological parents wanted her. She’s just a waste of space. Just another mouth that doesn’t deserve the food she’s given.”
There were numerous gasps in the crowd. Cheerilee herself has her own response. ‘You fucking cunt!!! How fucking dare you! If you weren’t on the school board- Wait! I can always find another job in town! I am going to-’ She goes to move. However, she stops when you respond.
You can feel Scoots trembling. You hear her sniffling next to you. That bitch just went right for the deepest wound.
There’s a smell of O-zone as a crackle begins to fill the air. Angry red lightning begins to lash out from your eyes as your hands ball into fists. Almost instinctually your Psi-Blades activate. Your eyes slowly fall on Spoiled, who now looks much less confidant.
“How dare you...” Your voice radiates with power, yet it forms as a deathly whispering hiss. “What gives you the right to say such things so brazenly? Do you believe you are better than her?”
Spoiled rallies herself. “Of course I’m better than that.” She gestures a hoof at Scoots. When she does Diamond looks from her mother to Scoots and slowly backs away. “I am a mare who rubs shoulders with elites. I’m not even sure she’s a true pegasus with how much she sullys the ground with her hooves.”
Once again there are gasps, now accompanied by murmurs. Cheerilee is wordlessly screaming her rage within her mind.
Your Psi-Blades instantly die as you thrust a hand in the air. A massive bolt of red lighting explodes from your hand, causing most momentary blindness and deafness from the light and accompanying boom it create. Your hand drops to your side. As Spoiled is back to cowering.
“Do you truly believe yourself better? Are you so delusional? You, a mare who came from farm folk. A mare who married above her station to use your words. A mare who throws away the money her husband earns by the sweat of his brow.” You seethe in your hiss.
“Fool can’t even satisfy me anymor-” She tries to speak.
“BE SILENT!” You snap as all excess energy you had bleeds into an aura of red light around you. “You deserve nothing. You think you are better because of your supposed station? That station is not yours to begin with. Your husband earned his like the Nobility of old! He works hard and loves what he does. I have met the stallion, and I cannot see how he could love something like you. What is worse is that you are teaching this very mindset to your daughter.” You thrust a finger at Diamond, who immediately shrinks away from her mother even further. “You are corrupting this filly, mutating her into something as vile as you are. You would have her do the same. Do nothing but marry for money and power. I wonder, does she even know what love is? Or have you already crushed that out of her? Can Diamond still be saved at all? I fear for that filly, knowing that you are involved. I pray that somehow, as harsh as this speech is, some of it gets through. She deserves better than an abusive mother and a ‘too busy’ father.” You shake your head slowly. “You... You aren’t even a pony... You are a parasite, a leech. Something to be burned away and forgotten.” Your fists clench.
“Y-yes well- At least I’m not a flightless pegasus!” She foolishly tries to fling one more barb.
Instantly, in a flash of red light, you're inches away from her, kneeling so that your eyes burn into hers. “Never. Say. That. Again!” Each word echoes with power. You stand as she leaps back, actually grabbing Diamond and shoving her in front of her. “You disgust me. That filly,” you point back at Scoots, “is the kindest, gentlest, most humble filly I have ever met. You fling words like arrows, seeking to hurt a child who has done nothing to wrong you. You see a blank flank as something that makes them lesser. When what that truly shows is that she is capable of absolutely anything! She is limitless potential incarnate, and you find that somehow offense? You are truly mad.” You shake your head and turn around. “I pity you.” In your lack of focus you almost fail notice that Scoots is leaning against your leg and shaking uncontrollably. You move to pick her up when-
“I do not have to take this from a creature like you! You’re nothing but a freak who doesn’t belong here!”
In one swift movement you whirl around, kinetically push Diamond Tiara into the seemingly waiting hooves of Silver Spoon, activate a Psi-Blade, and thrust it so it’s mere inches from Spoiled’s face. “DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?! Can you even comprehend anything beyond your insane over-inflated ego?! Do you even know what I do for a living?! I kill the monsters that neither you, nor anyone here, will ever hear of! I have slain formless things that attack the mind! I have had to do countless terrible things for the simple fact that, if I didn’t, hundreds even thousands of innocents would die! I have killed Living Nightmares! In all honesty I could kill you without a thought or the barest hint of compassion! I might even be praised for it! And believe me it is tempting! It is so tempting! I know full well that I am a monster! For only monsters can kill other monsters!” Your arms shake violently as you feel streams of psi-energy roll from your eyes like tears. Instantly your Psi-Blade retracts and you let your arm fall and you straighten. Your voice drops to the barest hint of a whisper as the aura around you flickers and dies. “But you are not worth it. I would not sully my blades with your worthless blood. I am trying to be a father first. I will not set this example for my daughter. I want her to be a better person than me. She will be a better person than me. And she’ll be leagues above you too. I will no longer listen, for you are not worth hearing.” You turn around and pick up Scoots. You look over your shoulder at her. “Begone, lest you tempt my wrath further.”
With that you somewhat silently make your way towards Cheerilee. The crowd lets you through. There are quiet murmurs among the crowd. James, who hadn’t had the time to leave, pats your shoulder and ruffles Scoot’s mane as you pass. You notice that Spoiled trying to make Diamond come with her. However Diamond is firmly planted in the hooves of Silver Spoon and she will not go with her mother. Not after this.
As you near the the schoolhouse, you look down at Scoots. She just looks drained. “I’m sorry.....” You say to her in the softest way you can. “That’s... not a part of me I ever wanted you to see.”
“I’m-” She takes a deep breath and stops shaking as she closes her eyes and somehow mentally centers herself. On opening her eyes she looks at you and gives you a weak smile. “I’m okay. Yeah her words hurt, but I think you more than covered for that.”
“What do you want to do? Do you want to go home? We can do that if you want.” Your mental scanning of Scoots shows that she’s already past an anxiety attack and moved into what you would call the fuck it stage. She’s hurting, yet she needs someone to vent and hold on to. Or so her emotions say.
“Nah. I think I may rudely force myself on Rarity and Zul’jin tonight so I can stay with Sweetie.” Scoots smiles weakly. “Not that you’re not great dad. You’re just not what I need right now.”
“I understand.” You nod. “I know you’re going to be a teenager soon, and I’m sorry for still treating you like a filly.” You begin only for her to cut you off.
“No, this is fine. I know you’re not my birth father, but that doesn’t matter to me. I love you anyway dad, and I want you to know that you can still treat me like a filly all you want. Sometimes I want to be treated like a filly, well a younger filly.” Scoots grins at you.
“I love you too Scoots.” You say with a small, weak smile. “I guess, I’ll always see you as my little girl.”
“That’s fine.” She giggles. “Now put me down.”
You do, her hind legs coming down like a cats. (Which always reminded you of landing gear for some reason) She shakes herself and fluffs her wings. “Thanks.” She looks over to Cheerilee. “Wow. She wants it bad.” She looks up at you. “She wants the D.” With that, a wink at you, and a giggle, she trots away. You watch as her trot slowly breaks into a full gallop.
You turn back towards Cheerilee, only to see exactly what Scoots was talking about. Cheerilee was shaking. Her composure was shattered. Her face betrayed the whole slew of emotions she was feeling, rage, fear, sadness, lust. She was a chaotic mix. However she was staring off into space and her mind was running so fast that you really couldn’t clearly understand her. As you got within a couple feet she snapped out of it. “Holy fuck...” Was the first thing out of her mouth.
“You alright?” You ask in concern with and heir of mock-innocence.
“I have no fucking idea.” She shakes her head. “My filter’s fucking gone and you just said virtually everything I wanted to say to that mare for fucking years. I feel terrible for how she treated Scootaloo and even worse for how Diamond has most likely been treated, and I want to file a report for foal services to have Spoiled just... fucking... gone. But right now every part of me is screaming for sex.” Her eyes lock onto yours. “You are a bastard for doing that intentionally, and I know it was intentional, you fucker! You projected some of your words, so I know you could damn well hear my thoughts during the conference. And I should be angry but I don’t care because I need whatever passes for Protoss dick right now!” Her face is flushed as she rears onto her hind legs, plantes her forelegs on your shoulders, and looks at you eye to eye. “I want- NoI I NEED to fuck you right now. So help me, if we don’t go somewhere- I-I I don’t fucking care how powerful you are or how many things you’ve killed, I swear to Faust, Discord, and all the Alicorns that if you don’t fuck me right now I will shove you onto that desk and ride the fuck out of you.”
You blink. “My dear you need a bigger vocabulary than fuck. That’s shameful coming from a teacher.” You remark almost off-handedly with a raised brow.
“Faust Dammit Alarak, you made me cum once during that speech just from a mutual hate-boner for that mare!” Cheerilee hisses mere inches from your face. “I demand you fucking fuck me!”
In one deft movement you sweep the mare’s hind legs, and gather her up in your arms easily. Cheerilee’s face blazes as she pulls her legs close into her body and audibly starts to pant. Her eyes bore into yours.
You look around briefly only to find that the surround area is completely empty. The sky is turning a burnt orange as evening fully sets in.
You look back to the mare, who is still staring at you. (Also she found a use for one of her forehooves.) You chuckle darkly. “Cheerilee dear, does the school have anyone that comes and cleans in the morning?”
“W-Why -ah- why does -mmmmnnnn- Fuck! Why does that matter?” She says through grit teeth and a busy hoof.
You lean in close and whisper to her as you step into the schoolhouse and kinetically slam the door behind you.
“Because we’re going to need to apologise to them in the morning.”
Author's Note
I laughed through a chunk of this, and I’m sorry if the argument is jarring. That’s just where my mind went strangely enough.
It was hard writing Spoiled. It actually made me sick to write it. 
However it was easy writing your responses. Spoiled got all of my hate! ALL OF IT! 
Lastly, this got dangerously close to clop at certain parts and I don’t know if I should apologise or not. 
Come to think of it, this is the opposite extreme of Ah, (Fresh) Meating the Parents. I was closer to the vague side of things there.
Anyway, I Hope you all enjoyed it.
