Chapters It was a new day, and Zephyr Breeze was supposed to be working on filling out job applications so he could find a new job. What had happened to his last job? He didn't want to talk about it. He was kind of pretty bitter about the whole thing. Totally undeserved. But hey, learn and move on. But he was not moving on in filling out new job applications. Instead he was three hits into his shake weed and feeling depressed. Boy, I sure have been writing about depressed ponies a lot lately.
"Why am I such a fuck up?" he wondered aloud to himself. It's like he learned a lesson about applying yourself, and then completely forgot it.
His social worker knocked on the door. Turns out Equestria has those. "Zephyr, stop being sad and listening to Nick Drake*. I'll buy you more weed but you have to finish filling out three applications first!"
Zephyr's ears perked. It turns out nothing motivates a depressed stoner like free ganja. Who new?
Author's Note
*In this universe Nick Drake was of course a dragon.
One day, an oddly robed pony with a seriously chilled out vibe was spotted wandering around Canterlot. He kept telling ponies "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another."
"But, uh, we already do that," the towns ponies replied. I mean, they didn't want to crucify him or anything, but he was kind of causing a scene at one of the local markets. Celestia was called in to intervene, which is good, because she was really bored that morning.
When she spotted him, she neighed in excitement and galloped over. "Yo, pony Jesus, what's up, my dude?!"
"Celly! The second coolest horse behind Slepnir! What's crackalackalin?!"
They hugged it out. "Dude, did Tree Hugger give you some sick ganja or something? I think you're in the wrong universe."
Pony Jesus whispered into her ear. "Dudette, let me hang out with you. Heaven is boring. I need to get some kicks."
So they went and pranked noble ponies together, because noble ponies always deserve that, regardless of which universe.
Author's Note
It was a new chapter in Sweetie Belle's Life. She finally had gotten her civil engineering degree. It had been a long, arduous path, with many triumphs and tragedies, including the assassination of her sister, but here she was, armed with a degree that would make her lots of bits and bring her additional fulfillment in life now that cutie mark helping had started to get stale.
What was her first task? Well, Equestria was growing. Everyday new ponies and other creatures entered the world. Canterlot especially was growing. It was spreading like a tumor across the mountain it adorned. Soon, it would expand around the entire Canterhorn. So the first project in this new chapter of Sweetie Belle's life was designing a road that would wrap around the entire mountain, to link the different sections of the city. And what would it be called, naturally?
Sweetie Beltway.
Author's Note
"Twilight Sparkle," Rainbow Dash yelled rather loudly, "Did you catch the Daring Do Panel at Con of Comics? They're going to have a new series aimed at younger readers! Isn't that swell?"
"Yes, actually," Twilight responded, playing with her new brain teaser toy, "that will be perfect for you!"
"Yep," Rainbow agreed. "I can't wait to... heyyyy !"
Twilight smirked. "What a pleb."
Rainbow's cheeks reddened. "Yeah, yeah, I'm dumb, whatever. You know what else is dumb?"
"No, I don't," replied Twilight, full of scientific curiosity. "What else is dumb?"
"Well, I was going to say 'Your Face!', but that itself is extremely dumb. So my new answer is 'the dialogue in this conversation'."
Twilight sighed. "Yeah, it's pretty awful. That's what you get though, when an author in an effort to just write anything, even if it's objectively trash, checks out a library computer for an hour and tries to power through a thousand words of trite gibberish in an attempt to feel he's actually accomplishing something in life."
"Yikes," Rainbow added. "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually feel kind of bad for the guy."
"Me too, honestly, but let's not dwell on it too much. We don't want the powers that be to declare this story too meta . Come, let us instead go find more new things in Equestria."
Rainbow hoofbumped Twilight, and they flew off in search of new things in Equestria.
Author's Note
Who writes this Gawdess Awful dialogue anyway?
This guyv
Rainbow and Twilight flew to Applejack Acres... errr, Sweet Apple Acres. Imagine though, acres of lush rolling hills just covered with billions of applejack cereal pieces. It would be funny for about five minutes, and then just get frustrating. Kind of like the story writing process for me.
The two flipper flapper ponies touched down outside a barn where AJ was currently slaughtering pigs to make bacon. "Well howdy do, girls! Don't mind the oink offal on my accouterments, Ah'm just fixin' up some right darn fine vitals." Rainbow winced. all the blood draining out of the dead animals, they shrieks of the dying animals, and the terrified wimpers of the soon-to-be-slaughtered animals brought back unpleasant PTSD flashbacks from her rainbow factory days. Twilight wasn't fazed though, for the dark arts she studied regularly called for orphan sacrifices and the likes, so this felt like just another day at the lab. On that note, has anypony seen Scootaloo?
Hoping to get their minds off of their Past Sins and present mistakes, Twilight decided to reroute the conversation like a trolley rerouted in a trolly problem meme. "So, Applejack, looks like you got another new hat. Looks nice, and I daresay I can still smell that fresh leather smell. Wait, is that made of real leather?!"
Applejack Apple smiled, the tiniest bit maliciously. "Yep, sure as sugar, sugar cube, this here is bonafied cow leather, freshly tanned and formed."
"Lovely," Twilight continued. "So, uh, what possessed you to get a new hat? Wasn't your old one still in great shape?"
"Yeah," AJ replied, swinging her axe blade into the neck of the soon-to-be dead pig. Blood splattered. A little got on Twilight. She flicked it off with her wing.
