Author's Note

I apologize for this chapter taking so long, college life is tough. Also, I'd like to clear something up for people who are a bit confused about it. Originally, Marble and Limestone's names were supposed to be Inkie and Blinkie. But, Hasbro had changed them to Marble and Limestone, and had explained that Inkie and Blinkie had been childhood nicknames Pinkie gave them. Which is why Pinkie refers to them as Inkie and Blinkie, and Maud refers to them as Marble and Limestone.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Tell me if you see any issues or have any questions, and enjoy!

Chapter Nine: Nihilism.

Home.

Could she really call it that anymore?

This is where she grew up, where she was essentially raised by her sisters more than her parents. But ever since she came back, it’s felt….empty, almost lifeless. She didn’t feel like she belonged there, or anywhere, really. It wasn’t Maud or anyone else’s fault, everything was just so different now.

Her house had been a fairly simple one, though now that she knew what she did, she was sure The Syndicate could have gotten a bigger, better one if they really wanted to. It was a two story brick building, having been kept in pretty good condition, the brown paint having barely dulled. The roof was pointed up like many houses, the gray paint on it also looking relatively undisturbed. The house had two doors, the one on the front of the house was connected to the living room. It was a light dark with one of the holes in it, so the person on the other side could see who was watching. And the other door was on the back of the house, connecting to the kitchen, and was just a normal white door.

They rarely got mail, but if they did it was put in a mailbox right outside their house. The first floor of their house had all the same stuff a house should, a living room with a tv and a couch, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a garage. There were two cars in there, one being Maud’s which she rarely used since she didn’t typically need to go anywhere. And Cloudy’s car, she couldn’t remember the last time that car had actually left the garage.

The second floor was almost entirely bedrooms, with the exception of a second bathroom. The second floor was also the only part of the building with windows, there were three of them, one for each bedroom. One bedroom was for Igneous and Cloudy, which Pinkamena had only been in once or twice. It was really only for Cloudy, since Igneous very rarely was home, so much as stayed the night. The second bedroom was hers and Maud’s, the rooms were big enough to share, so it wasn’t really a problem. Though Maud wasn’t in there often, so it was mostly hers.

The last bedroom belonged to her sisters, at least it used to be. She hadn’t been in there since she’s been back, and she didn’t know if Maud had either. She wasn’t sure if she could go in there just yet, she wasn’t ready. Right now, it was just going to be the guest room, though she doubted they’d have guests anytime soon, or at all.

It was about five thirty, which meant she didn’t have very long to meet Applejack. That was fine, the place she had to meet her at was only about ten minutes away, though she could probably get there in five if she really wanted to. But there was something that had been nagging at her for the past couple of days, it’s just kind of been at the back of her mind.

She needed to talk to Maud first before she made any assumptions, and that’s what she was here for.

She was standing on the rooftop of the building beside her house, facing the left side of the building where her room was. Strangely enough, the window was left open. There’s no way someone opened the window from the outside, it was on the second floor of the building with no way to get to it from the outside. The only way to open it would be from the inside, and she didn’t leave it open when she left.

Did Maud leave it open, expecting her to come in through the window? It wouldn’t be that weird, Maud had a strange talent for just...knowing things. It was kind of like her Pinkie Sense that she used to have, but a lot more...creepy, for lack of a better word.

With relative ease, Pinkamena jumped off the roof of the building she was on. She then dug her nails into the crevices between the bricks, digging deep enough to hold her weight. She hung off the side of the building, right beside where the window was. She pulled her right hand out of the brick, grabbing the inside of the window. She quickly pulled her left hand out of the brick, using her right hand to pull herself into the window, landing on her feet with nimbility.

*This seems like one of those things I’m going to be making a habit of, but I really shouldn’t be. I should figure out an easier way to do that, shoving my nails in between bricks isn’t exactly a pleasant experience.*

She thought to herself as she began to look around the room, her eyes adjusting to the dark and being able to see better in it than the average human would be able to do. Thanks to her being a chimera, she was sure.

She had only been here one time after coming back, and that was when she learned The Whispers not only could manifest themselves to talk to her, but were doing so while appearing as her father. So, she wasn’t exactly focused on examining the room.

Now that she was here, she couldn’t help but notice how different the two halves of the room were. Her and Maud had decided to share the room by splitting it in half, the right side of the room was Maud’s, the left side of the room was Pinkamena’s, which she considered a win because she got the window. The sides had the same things in terms of furniture, a queen sized bed, though there were noticeably more pillows and stuffed animals on Pinkamena’s bed. A wardrobe filled with their clothes, each having a mirror inside, and nightstands with lamps beside each bed.

The real differences in the room came with the wallpaper, Maud’s wallpaper was very simple, to the point of dullness. It was a shade of dark gray, similar to Maud’s skin color. There were no patterns on the wall, or anything in her part of the room that stood out. It just seemed so...normal, it was almost disturbing.

Her part of the room, on the other hand, looked more like it belonged to a twelve year old girl than a young adult. Which made sense considering she decorated it when she was twelve and never changed it, what she liked never really did change until recently. She had bright pink walls with balloons, streamers, and confetti, which pretty much matched her personality for years. The stuffed animals on her bed ranged from unicorn to giant, stuffed, teddy bears. Her bed, of course, had a pink blanket with yellow and blue pillows.

It was so bright it almost hurt to look at, but there was still a certain...charm to it.

There was a carpet that was on the floor of the entire room, being a light white. Somehow, it went with both parts of the room. If she remembered correctly, the mirror inside of her wardrobe had a bunch of sticky notes on it that she’d always read at the start of her day. Mostly things like ‘Have a great day!’ and ‘Don’t forget to smile!’. Messages that were usually there to help put her in a good mood, which was strange considering she used to almost always be in a good mood.

Looking at her room now after everything, filled her with a sort of...sadness that was hard to explain. She wasn’t that person anymore, she wasn’t sure if she could ever go back to being that person. This room was a reminder of who she used to be, the childlike innocence she used to have. Where her only problems were whether she’d pass a test or when she could throw another party, and the occasional Equestria related shenanigans.

*I can’t...I can’t get lost thinking about the past, not now. I have too much to do, I...I need to drop some stuff off, wash up, and go downstairs. That’s probably where Maud is, she rarely leaves the house.*

Pinkamena thought to herself as she shuffled over to the nightstand, pulling open the drawer and ignoring whatever was inside. She put the half empty pack of cigarettes and lighter in there, she might regret that later, but she had a feeling she wasn’t going to get a lot of opportunities to smoke at all. And, since she was made aware by The Whispers that they can deal with heart attacks themselves, she threw the heart attack medicine Starlight gave her in there. She couldn’t think of a use for it, but maybe something in the future would come up.

She kept the rest of the stuff in her hoodie pockets, her phone, the imperium, and Blake’s mask, never knew what she might need.

Pinkamena shut the drawer, leaving the stuff in there to pick up at a later time. She began to walk out of the room, opening and closing the door quietly. Something she liked about her room, was that it was right across the hallway from the bathroom, which was particularly helpful because she used to have a very active bladder and would go to the bathroom two or three times a night.

She opened the bathroom door, pulling back her hoodie and letting her long hair out, which was always relieving. She turned the lights on, the sudden flashing causing her to flinch and close her eyes as she readjusted.

Her bathroom was pretty average, white tiles and ceiling with a lightbulb built into the ceiling. A bath that also doubled as a shower with a curtain to cover it, and a sink across from it with a mirror that also worked as a medicine cabinet. The toilet being beside it, with the rack for towels to the left of it, and the toilet paper and trash can being to the right of that.

Pinkamena walked over to the sink, turning on the water and bending down, cupping it in between her hands and washing her face. Her hair was getting into her face and was getting wet, but she didn’t really care. The water woke her up a bit and made her feel somewhat better.

After waking up from the coma, she felt rejuvenated for a bit, sure. But that wore off rather quickly, and now she felt tired all the time. Thinking about it, she hadn’t really slept for a while. She had been knocked out or passed out a few times recently, but she was sure that didn’t count as rest. Washing her face like this made her feel clean and refreshed, if only just for a few seconds.

After a few seconds of washing her face, Pinkamena gave out a sigh of relief as she reached up and turned off the faucet. She slowly stood up, using her hands to move her now slightly wet hair out of her face, looking in the mirror in front of her as she did.

Then she noticed something.

On the right side of her face, there was a strain of her hair that was a different color, making it stand out from the rest of her pink mane. It was ebony black, so black it’d be impossible to see in the dark. It was one of the strains that was closer to the front of her face, so she couldn’t just put it behind her ear.

She reached up to touch it, noticing that it hadn’t felt different than the rest of her hair. It looked like she had dyed it, but at the same time, it looked almost too natural. But she hadn’t dyed it at all, she never even thought about dying it. When did it change color? It couldn’t have been when she was at The Syndicate, Starlight or Discord would have pointed it out and asked about it. So did it happen sometime after? The guy at the convenience store would have mentioned it when he was talking about her hair, so it couldn’t have been then. So it had to have been sometime after, maybe in the alleyway? Did that mean The Whispers had something to do with it? Or did it have something to do with being a chimera?

“No! You know what? I have enough on my fucking plate to deal with at this point!” Pinkamena yelled as she slammed the palms of her hands on the sides of the sink, restraining herself enough to not do any damage to it.

She slowly began to breathe in and out, attempting to calm herself down.

“Honestly, this isn’t even the strangest thing that’s happened to me. It’s just a hair color change, it’s not a big deal and I have other things to worry about. And...it doesn’t look that bad, actually.” Pinkamena said as she looked in the mirror, bringing her hand up and twirling the strain of hair between her fingers. Before letting go of it and letting it fall slowly onto her forehead, fitting in between the rest of her hair strains.

“It’s more goth than I like, but...I think I could get used to it, especially considering I don’t know the cause, so It’s pretty likely it’ll happen again.” Pinkamena said as she adjusted the rest of her hair, putting as much as she could behind her ears. The rest of it draped down the sides of her face as she walked out of the bathroom, turning off the lights and shutting the door behind her.

Alice appeared in the darkness of the bathroom, watching Pinkamena as she walked out. She had a huge smile on her face, that expressed a mix of pride and malice. She seemed to be watching her with her eyes wide open, like a child seeing that her father got her a new puppy for christmas.

“It’s begun! Oh, I’m so excited!” Alice said as she twirled in a circle like a ballerina, Pinkamena not seeming to hear her.

“Now, will you remain who you are? Be slowly corrupted? Or become something new? We’ll see....”

____________________________________________________________________________

“Hello Pinkie, how are you?” Maud asked, like usual, no tone or any kind of emotion in her face.

Pinkamena’s foot landed on the last step as Maud spoke, being as silent as the rest of the steps she had taken on her down, which made her suspect how Maud knew she was there. She likely heard Pinkamena opening the bedroom and bathroom door, she hadn’t been quite with that. And it made sense she knew it was her, there was no one else it really could have been.

No, what bothered her, was how did Maud know where she was?

Maud was very perceptive, she always found them when she was the seeker in hide and seek, and they never found her when she hid. She was impossible to sneak up on, and almost as difficult to make flinch. She always had the same deadpan expression, she could count the times she’s seen her show emotion on her fingers. Not because she didn’t have emotions, she just….had difficulty showing them.

But now that Pinkamena knew about The Syndicate and their...extremities, it was obvious Maud was meant to be some sort of personal advisor for when Pinkamena became the leader. Or, if worst comes to worst, a leader herself. Of course, she now had to be the advisor to her, a lot sooner than she thought, surely. Maud was likely put through extensive training of various kinds, and considering some of them were likely done by Blake and possibly even Igneous himself, she couldn’t even imagine the kinds of things they did to her or put her through, could be worse than what she was put through.

It did make her feel somewhat relieved however, it meant that Maud knew how to handle herself. Still, that wouldn’t stop Pinkamena from worrying.

“I’m...fine Maud, how did you know I was here?”

Pinkamena said as she walked into the kitchen, noticing the light was on, dimly lighting the room. Maud sat in a gray, plastic chair, sitting in front of the brown, wooden table from the garage. She was wearing her bright white pajamas with gray rocks on them, her long, grayish violet hair going down to her neck, her bangs covering almost the entirety of her forehead. She didn’t have her eyelashes in or any of her makeup on, which was a rare occurrence in itself. She still had her normal blank stare on her face, her eyelids half closed like she couldn’t be less interested in the world around her. She had a plain white mug with steam coming out of it, black coffee being the source.

“No one else should be coming here anytime soon, especially not through the window, so I knew it had to be you. Then I heard you open the bedroom door, then the bathroom door. So I guesstimated how long it would take you to come down to the bottom of the stairs, I was actually off a couple of seconds, but that’s ok.” Maud said as she put her hand inside the handle of the mug, her eyes not leaving it as she spoke.

“Did...did you just use the word ‘guesstimate?” I made that up like...five or six months ago.” Pinkamena asked as she began to walk around Maud, seeing that the coffee pot in the machine seemed to still have enough for one cup.

Maud’s response was just to take a sip of her coffee, like she hadn’t even heard it.

“Why are you here? You have school soon, though I don’t really care whether you go or not, you don’t really need it. I left the window upon in case you wanted to go in through there, though I’m not sure why you wouldn’t go through the door. Did you need something?” She asked, though her eyes still hadn’t left the mug.

Pinkamena opened a cabinet above the coffee machine, pulling out a similar coffee mug and filling it with coffee.

“You know Maud, I’ve never seen you sleep. Like, not even once. You never look tired, and there are no bags under your eyes. You’re also always up before me, no matter how early or late I get up. And I just don’t get it, it’s strange.” She stated as she walked to the side of the table opposite of Maud, pulling a chair identical to hers out and sitting across the table from her, taking a sip of the coffee as she did.

Maud’s eyes quickly looked up from the coffee mug, her attention now on her sister. She looked at her hair for a second, noticing the strain of hair that was a different color from the rest, but deciding not to ask about it.

“That’s because I don’t sleep, don’t need to.” She said casually as her eyes began to examine Pinkamena’s body, like she was looking for something.

“Maud, you’re not the type for jokes.” Pinkamena responded as she looked at Maud, noticing the look of concern in her eyes. Maud struggled in expressing how she felt, but the emotions were evident in her eyes.

“I’m not joking.” She said plainly, her eyes quickly meeting Pinkamena’s. “My body doesn’t require sleep. Though I am capable of it and have done so a few times, I’m not very fond of it. I find it to be a huge waste of time, and I am far more productive when I’m not laying down with my eyes closed for several hours.” Maud explained casually, a complete deadpan expression on her face.

Pinkamena stared at Maud for a few seconds, trying to see if this was one of those times Maud was telling a joke, but it was hard to tell it was a joke because it was Maud. Usually, with Maud, she’d say it was a joke afterwards, mostly because it was just as difficult to change her tone of voice as it is to change her facial expression.

When Maud didn’t say she was joking, the realization of what Maud was saying began to set in.

“Wait...you’re serious? You don’t need to sleep?” Pinkamena asked skeptically, Maud responding with a slight nod of her head. “Wow...that’s...kind of amazing and creepy at the same time.”

Pinkamena leaned back in her chair, resting her arms on the table as she stared at Maud. Her mouth was slightly open in surprise, her eyebrows furrowed as she thought about all the ways that shouldn’t be possible. But somehow, with how strange everything in her life was now, it was believable.

“So...what, your body just doesn’t need to? I’ve heard of people needing less sleep than most, but none at all? Have you had Discord look into this? I’m sure he’d love to figure this out.” Pinkamena asked curiously, taking another drink from the coffee mug. She noticed that it wasn’t as hot as she remembered freshly brewed coffee to be, even though it was steaming like hot coffee does. Something about being a Chimera maybe? She was sure becoming a chimera would mean her taste buds would change, but so far she’s only detected more detail with taste, no actual change.

“I have, he seemed rather excited to learn how and if it was possible to replicate in others. Specifically, himself. He said something along the lines of “I could binge so many fucking shows if I didn’t need to sleep! Maybe I’d finally have the time to get all the achievments in The Witcher Three!” And then he proceeded to do pretty much every test I’ve ever heard of, and a couple I wish I didn’t know about.” Maud mumbled as her eyes wandered, becoming lost in her thoughts for a few seconds.

Then her eyes quickly focused on Pinkamena again, as her hands reached down and pulled the coffee mug up to her mouth, taking a larger drink than before.

“After a couple of hours, he seemed incredibly disappointed at the results. Said a couple of phrases with swear words even a sailor would blush at, and some things in what I assume are other languages, and gave me a brief summary. It would seem that when you fall asleep and enter REM sleep, your brain enters a ‘minimal energy consumption and maximum energy production and conservation state’, which is how he explained it to me. Human bodies need sleep both as a break from being constantly active, and a way to produce energy without any outside source, however…” Maud mumbled as she sat the mug back down on the table.

“My brain is wired differently. It is in a constant state of REM sleep, but I’m conscious. Meaning, my brain is maintaining my body with minimal effort, while still constantly producing energy, though not as much as if I were sleeping since I remain active. It’s mainly why I struggle with expressing my emotions, parts of my brain are mostly inactive because it thinks I’m asleep. Even when I try to exercise or something, the adrenaline doesn’t wake my brain up or anything. I heal from wounds at a normal rate, and, strangely enough, I have a stronger immune system than most people. I’m pretty much a normal person, I just don’t need sleep.” She said blatantly.

Pinkamena looked at Maud with slight fascination, though she wasn’t that surprised, there weren’t many things that could surprise her at this point.

“Discord said he could maybe replicate it in babies when the brain is in early development, but that would be risky and he doubted he’d even have the opportunity to do so. I don’t really get ‘tired’, my body can get exhausted if I push it too far, but I desire rest rather than sleep. I do fall asleep rather quickly if I try to sleep, but I don’t dream. I usually spend my extra time reading or doing something productive, which is part of why college was so easy for me. If I’m being honest, having so much free time can be really boring.”

Pinkamena watched Maud curiously, her eyes watching her face while also following her hand movements. Her hands were incredibly steady, but they somehow still...wavered, like she was dreading something.

“So...then why do you drink coffee?” She asked as she looked down at her coffee mug, noticing her reflection in the coffee.

She noticed her eyes seemed to be...dimmer than before, something she failed to notice when looking in the mirror earlier. They were once baby blue, a color she now associated with innocence, since they were that color before everything and she still had her innocence. Now they were a much darker shade of blue, closer to royal blue. The guy at the convenience store was right, the light had left her eyes.

“Pinkie?” Maud asked, though there was no tone shift in her voice, Pinkie could tell she was concerned.

“Yes?” Pinkie responded as she looked up from the mug at Maud, not even realizing she had spaced out and hadn’t heard Maud’s response.

“I said it was because I liked the taste. Are you ok?” Maud said as she reached forward, resting her hand on Pinkamena’s.

As soon as she felt Maud’s hand touch hers, a sort of...warmth overcame her. She felt herself becoming relaxed and relieved, tranquill even. Normally, she’d been more less trying to avoid physical contact with other people, pulling away like a reflex. Due to the....lecherous things Blake did to her, anytime someone touched her like that, even if trying to comfort her, filled her with a feeling of disgust and fear that almost made her throw up.

But Maud felt...different, she didn’t give her that kind of reaction. Realizing it now, when Starlight did something similar, she also didn’t trigger it and made Pinkamena feel something like this. But that was more...intimate, it was different. This felt like pure warmth, that seemed to envelope and get rid of the cold feeling The Whispers had gotten her so used to, forgetting all the emotions she had been feeling.

It was...really, really nice, and she hadn’t realized how much she missed feeling like this. The corners of her lips moved upwards as she couldn’t help but smile, all the problems and thoughts she had before seemed to slowly fade away.

“I’m fine Maud, really. I just...have a lot on my mind, and a lot of stuff to deal with.” She said as she smiled at Maud, resting her other hand on top of Maud’s. “But, I really need to talk about what I came here for, I really don’t have that much time.”

Pinkamena retracted her hands from Maud, resting them in her hoodie pocket, the familiar numbing coldness washing over her, the warmth quickly becoming nothing more than a memory she already missed.

“Oh, ok. What did you want to talk about?” Maud asked as she pulled her hands back, placing them back around the coffee mug, that static deadpan expression of hers staring back at Pinkamena.

“Maud,” Pinkamena began, keeping strict eye contact with Maud. “Where’s Cloudy?”

It was brief, and only lasted for a second, but Maud flinched. Pinkamena had seen her flinch before, sure. But not recently, and certainly not to anything she said to her.

“She...left fo-”

“No she didn’t. All her clothes and stuff are still here, and her car is still in the garage. You’re a better liar than that, Maud.”

Maud’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, her composure faltering, which was rare for Maud to do. Her hands tightened around the coffee mug, like a reflex.

“Why do you care about her?” Maud asked, a tint of defensiveness in her voice. She shifted a bit in her seat,

Pinkamena slightly scowled, noticing the shift in the tone of her voice and the facial expressions she was making. This wasn’t something she saw from Maud often, only when she seemed very stressed, or when Inkie and Blinkie first went missing. Whatever happened with Cloudy, was clearly upsetting Maud.

“I don’t, I couldn’t give less of a shit about that negligent old hag. But you can’t act like I just wouldn’t notice that she was gone, as much as I’d like to pretend she doesn’t exist, I can’t. And the fact that you haven't brought it up yet, even though you tend to tell me everything, is suspicious. I need the truth from you, Maud.”

Pinkamena pulled her arms out of her hoodie, resting them on both sides of the coffee mug, her palms laying flatly against the table. She got closer to the table, the edge of it pushing against her stomach as she kept eye contact with Maud, a stern glare on her face.

“What happened to Cloudy?”

Maud didn’t answer for a few seconds, it was hard to tell whether that was because she was hesitating to answer, or she just hadn’t expected Pinkamena to be so direct.

For a few seconds, there was nothing but silence. It filled the entire room, mixed with a tension thick enough to cut. Maud didn’t break eye contact with Pinkamena, nor did the slight scowl leave her face. It was like a staring contest, but instead of blinking, they were waiting for the other to flinch.

Maud suddenly closed her eyes, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. She began to tap her left pointer finger on her right arm, like she didn’t want her hands to stay idle. Pinkamena watched her body language, noticing how tense she was. It was strange, she’d never seen Maud get upset about anything before, not really.

“I...I’m not sure how to tell you this, so I guess I’ll just start from the beginning.” Maud said, her voice wavering a bit.

She opened her eyes, remaining half open like they usually were. But her eyes weren’t looking at Pinkamena, they were focused instead on a spot on the table, like she was more focused on remembering something than anything else.

“During the three months or so you were gone, Cloudy and I didn’t really talk much. I was focused on preventing anyone from finding out what happened to you, which was mostly me doing whatever The Syndicate told me to do: Give false tips to throw the police off, let people believe you were dead if that’s the conclusion they came to, and further reinforce it if necessary. Make sure no one goes near the forest you were in for the first month at any cost, stuff like that. I had been thoroughly trained for stuff like that, prepared to even, so doing these things were of relative ease. Cloudy, however…”

Maud’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, a mixture of anger and confusion on her face.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t even know if she was human or not. She always seemed so...blank, and that’s a lot coming from me. I never saw her eat, drink, only occasionally sleep. She never expressed any emotion of any kind, or even interest in anything else. She might have looked human, but if I found out she was a machine or something, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Pinkamena tensed up, noticing the sudden shift in tone in Maud’s voice, and one word she said that seemed to suggest something.

“‘Was?’ Why the past tense?”

Maud’s finger stopped tapping against her arm, suddenly tensing up as her grip tightened, the skin around the middle of her arm turning white with how tightly she was gripping it. She stopped breathing for a few seconds, anxiously holding her breath, her pupils slightly constricted.

Just as quickly as she tensed up, she seemed to relax again. Her grip loosened on her arm, her pupils going back to normal as she exhaled.

“Nothing changed those three months, even when we were told you survived the woods and would move on to the next phase, she didn’t react at all, almost like she was in some sort of catatonic state. It wasn’t until just a couple weeks ago she snapped out of it, and I really wished she hadn’t.”

Pinkamena noticed that Maud ignored her question, but that it still bothered her. She wasn’t going to push it further, it was clear Maud needed to take this at her own pace.

“When we were told that you had killed Igneous and were currently in a coma, with no indication of when you’ll wake up, if at all, I was...conflicted, to say the least. Cloudy, on the other hand, seemed...shaken by it, at first. For me, that was the first time I ever saw her care about something. After that she became distant, more so than before. She was almost always sitting in a corner somewhere, mumbling something to herself, and she was always watching me. I could feel her gaze on me, even when I didn’t know where she was. It went on like that for a few days, until....”

Maud visibly shuddered, a distant look in her eyes as she was overcome by terror, the only time Pinkamena had ever seen her truly afraid. This seemed to be due to some kind of trauma, which was a bit surprising, Maud didn’t seem the type to be traumatized easily.

“I...woke up one time in the middle of the night, one of the only times I’ve ever slept. I needed an escape from reality, even if just for a little bit. With everything going on, I was a bit...overwhelmed. When I woke up, she…” Maud let out a slight whimper, her left hand gripping her arm tightly again, this time her right arm was shaking almost uncontrollably. Her eyes constrict, as she bit her lip, almost hard enough to draw blood.

Pinkamena’s eyes widened, her jaw opening slightly as she was quickly filled with guilt and concern. She reached forward with one of her hands, resting it gently on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

“Maud,” Pinkamena whispered, “It’s ok, you don’t have to-”

“Yes, I do.” She suddenly said, a tone of what sounded like desperation in her voice. “I...have to talk about it, but I appreciate the concern. I’m glad you haven’t lost your compassion, too many people in lives like ours do.” Maud said as she brought her left hand up to Pinkamena’s, gripping it tightly as she slowly pulled it off her shoulder.

Pinkamena leaned back in her chair, resting both her arms on the table, watching Maud with concern as she waited for her to continue.

“She…” Maud hesitated for a few seconds, her breathing slightly erratic. “It was the middle of the night when I woke up, the only light was the moonlight coming from the window. Someone was standing directly over me, like they were watching me. I couldn’t make out more than their figure, but I knew it was Cloudy, it couldn’t be anyone else. I didn’t move or speak, she knew I was awake, so there wouldn’t have been a point. At the time I was...curious, more than anything about her, having no idea what her intentions were.

We stayed there in silence for a few seconds, neither of us moving or saying anything. Eventually, she raised her right arm above her head, holding something in her hand. If it wasn’t for the moonlight reflecting off of the silver, I wouldn’t have known what it was.”

Pinkamena felt herself tense up, realizing what it was that Maud was referring to.

“She quickly brought the kitchen knife down, a lot faster and with more precision than I thought she was capable of. If it wasn’t for rigorous training I’d been through, she would have stabbed me directly in the heart. I managed to move out of the way fast enough, getting behind her and pinning her against the couch. I tried asking her what she was doing, but...she didn’t respond, didn’t say a word, actually. And to make it weirder, she didn’t struggle at all. Like she didn’t really care or know why she just tried to kill me, she seemed more like a doll than a person.

A minute or two passed by before I decided to let her go, she wasn’t struggling and I was prepared to pin her again if she tried to stab me. So, I let go of her and stepped back a bit. In hindsight, I should have taken the knife from her.” Maud said as she cringed, a tone of regret in her voice.

“She got up rather sluggish and slow, like she was half asleep or something. She turned towards me, the knife still in her hand. She had this...empty look on her face, completely expressionless and uninterested. And she had this hollow look in her eyes, void of life or any signs of anything, it was like she wasn’t even alive. It was...disturbing, terrifying, actually. If that’s what I looked like to people, it’d make sense why so many people think I’m weird or are scared of me.”

Pinkamena bit the inside of her cheek as anger flared inside of her, the familiar taste of blood entering her mouth.

“Maud, Nobody thin-”

“Yes. They do Pinkie. I know they do. You should know better than anyone how perceptive I am. Most people think it’s weird how I normally can’t express myself, like there’s something wrong with me. Anyone I’ve talked to that was involved with The Syndicate is terrified of me, both because I’m one of the few people who have survived both Blake and Discord, and also because I always seem so calm. People...people think I’m a freak, nobody treats me like I'm a person. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes...it hurts. A lot.” Maud whimpered, a doleful look on her face.

Pinkamena felt a tinge of concern and pity, a pained scowl on her face as her eyes downcasted. What Maud said was true, she couldn’t change that. But she had always seen Maud as this strong person, who remained unfazed about whatever people thought of her. However, it seemed Maud was more sensitive than she thought. Just because she had more difficulty expressing her emotions, doesn’t mean she wasn’t like everyone else.

Pinkamena was mad at herself, for not realizing that sooner.

“I’m sor-”

“It’s fine, Pinkie. Really, it is. I’ve gotten used to it, as much as I hate that. I...need to finish, and you don’t have a lot of time. So, will you just listen?” She asked, a bit more aggressively then she intended to.

Pinkamena felt her throat tighten up and get dry, unable to think of any other response than to nod her head.

Maud began to shift uncomfortably in her seat again, closing her eyes fearfully as she remembered where she was, picturing the scene in her mind like it was right in front of her.

“For what felt like forever, she just...stared at me. Not like she was trying to analyze me or anything, more like she was just staring in a direction for no reason, and I just happened to be in the way. Eventually, she stopped staring at me, or whatever she was looking at. She slowly raised her arm with the knife in it, but not like she was going to attack me again. She turned it to the side so the knife was facing her, and then she just...stared at it. Even behind her glasses, I could tell how empty her gaze was. Despite her attention being on something else, I still felt petrified by her. There was just something about her, that was...I don’t even know how to put it into words!” Maud said in exasperation, an expression of consternation on her face as she stopped speaking for a few seconds.

Maud was struggling to keep her composure, but she was doing a better job than before. Pinkamena could only watch in pain, unable to help her.

“She stared at her reflection in the knife, like she was looking for something. Then she looked up at me, like she came to some sort of realization. And she...said something to me, the first thing I’d even heard her say for a long time. She looked me in the eyes, bringing her knife to her throat, and said…”

Maud shivered, struggling to finish what she said, slightly stuttering. Her hands were both shaking, which she tried to hide by putting her hands under the table. She stuttered a bit as she tried to say it, unable to make and keep eye contact, sweat rolling down the side of her face as she teared up a bit.

“She said, ‘my life has no meaning anymore.” Then she stabbed the knife into her throat effortlessly, slicing across and cutting open her throat. S-she didn’t even flinch or hesitate! She just killed herself in front of me! A-and I-i…. couldn’t..” Maud suddenly began to breathe heavier, sweating more profusely as her hand gripped her shirt where her heart would be.

Pinkamena reacted instantly, jumping out of her chair and trying to comfort Maud by putting her hand on her back. She’d never seen Maud have a panic attack before, or anyone, so she didn’t really know what to do.

“Maud, calm down, it’s ok!” Pinkamena said as she tried to think of how to help her sister, The Whisperers weren’t being particularly helpful outside of their constant whispering. “What do you need? Just...focus on slowing down your breathing, I think.”

“I-I’m trying.” Maud stuttered out, closing her eyes as she gripped the edges of the table, trying to concentrate on her breathing, thinking of anything else except for the image of Cloudy in her mind, an image that had been burned into her memory.

After a few seconds, she got her breathing under control. She slowly opened her eyes, her composure returning to normal as she glanced at Pinkamena, giving her an affirmative nod.

“I...I think I’m okay now, thank you.” She said as she relaxed in the chair, resting her arms on her lap.

Hesitantly, Pinkamena sat back down in her chair, cautiously and worriedly watching Maud.

“Are you sure? I’m sorry that I caused that, I di-”

Pinkamena began, but Maud interrupted her, shaking her dismissively.

“It isn’t your fault Pinkamena, really. The Syndicate trains you mentally for those kinds of things, sometimes they put you through practice situations that are sometimes hard to tell they aren’t real. But...they don’t…” Maud briefly closes her eyes, thinking back to her training in The Syndicate. “No amount of training, number of simulations, drills, knowledge, or anything you can be taught can prepare you for when it really happens. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, the look in her eyes, the...sound of her slicing her throat and the blood spattering against the furniture as her body hit the ground. I...don’t know how long it’ll be until I can close my eyes and not see her.” Maud said shakily, opening her eyes, but not looking at Pinkamena.

“Yeah,” Pinkamena said as she closed her eyes, the image of Inkie and Blinkies mutilated corpses, the image of that still burned vividly into her mind. The memories of the arena also come to mind, the looks of terror and their screams of agony playing in her head like a tape recording as she tore them apart. “I think I get what you’re talking about.” She mumbled with clenched teeth as she shamefully hid her face from Maud, clenching her fist angrily.

Maud noticed this, furrowing her eyebrows in concern.

“Pinkie, if you need to tal-”

“No,” Pinkamena shouted, a bit more aggressively than she intended. “I...don’t have the time, and I’ve had a rough, long day. Can you tell me the rest? I don’t mean to be pushy, but nowadays it seems like time is the thing I have too much of, but never enough.”

She said solemnly, raising her head back up and looking at Maud, an empty look on her face.
Maud stared back at her for a few seconds, contemplating whether she should push the issue or listen to her.

Maud was never that good with people, but she knew her sister, and pushing her sister on an issue she didn’t want to address never went well.

“If that’s what you want.” Maud said in a monotone voice as she leaned back in her chair, her deadpan expression quickly returning.

“After...what happened, I called The Syndicate’s cleanup crew, they didn’t charge me after I told them what happened. They came in, told me to wait upstairs until they were done, and I did. After about thirty minutes or so, they told me to come down and make sure everything was fine. And it was, her body was gone, the blood was gone, and everything was exactly the same as before. I’d say I was impressed, but with The Syndicate, I’ve learned you should really just expect anything.

Since then, I’ve just tried to avoid thinking about the event, keeping myself busy however I can. Making sure the house is kept clean, no one looks too much into anything they shouldn’t, and anything else The Syndicate may want from me. I intended to tell you when the time was right and you weren’t busy, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you ended up as busy as you are. I’m sorry Pinkie, really.”

Pinkie looked down at the coffee mug in front of her, almost forgetting about it. She grabbed the mug and brought it up to her mouth, drinking the rest of the coffee in it, despite how hot it still was.

“Maud, it isn’t your fault. Sometimes life gets busy, it's fine. Now, I really should get going, I already know I’m going to be late.” She said as she got up out of the chair, setting the empty mug on the table and heading towards the door.

Maud followed her with her eyes as she brought her coffee mug up to her face, watching her sister with a look of slight concern on her face. She took a sip from her mug and set it back down on the table, her hands still shaking slightly.

“Pinkie, I need you to promise me something before you go.” Maud said with a pensive look on her face, her gaze on the coffee mug, but her mind was somewhere else entirely.

Pinkamena stopped in front of the door, rolling her eyes as she turned her head left to look at Maud. “You know I can’t promise to be safe, especially with The Silent Killer now a problem I have to deal with.”

“No, that’s not it. It’s...something else.”

Pinkamena turned to Maud, her eyebrows raising both in curiosity and concern. “Then what is it?”

“Well,” Maud mumbled, “It's...just me and you now. Our parents are both dead, Limestone and Marble are dead, The Syndicate is in a bigger state of chaos than its been in years. Now...you’re the leader, something I don’t think anyone intended. I haven’t seen it, but I’m sure you’re a chimera now. I can’t help you fight, all I can do is help you make decisions and be here when you need me, especially when you think no one is there for you. But, I need you to promise me, that if I were to die-”

A scowl appeared on Pinkamena’s face as she grit her teeth, “Maud, you’re not going to die, I won-”

“IF….I die.” Maud shouted, interrupting Pinkamena, something incredibly out of character for her. “I need you to promise me, no matter what happens, even if I die, that you’ll stay who you are. I don’t want you to change anymore than you already have, I’ve seen too many people throw away who they were. Becoming a monster like Igneous, or some empty shell of the person they used to be. It’s usually grief that pushes a person over the edge like that, but cumulative stress can break anyone just the same, or anger. And I...I just can’t lose you too, I’m not capable of being a leader, and I don’t know what I’d do. So, please, just promise me you’ll at least try.”

There was a tone of desperation in Maud’s voice as she spoke, a shakiness in her voice that made it sound like she was on the edge of having a panic attack again. She hid her eyes behind her hair, like she didn’t want to look at her sister.

Pinkamena felt her stomach drop as she heard Maud’s plea, she’d never heard Maud sound so...desperate before, it hurt to see her like this. She had heard from several people that Igneous used to be a better person, and that something had made him into the way he was. Maud may have been around to watch him transform into the monster he did, could that have made Maud afraid of her becoming the same way?

Pinkamena looked down at her right hand, raising it up and extending her fingers, her fingernails slowly turning into claws. Could she make that promise? She had already changed a lot, both in what she was and who she was. She’s killed, maimed, and almost lost herself in bloodlust and rage more than once. She wasn’t really Pinkie anymore, she didn’t have her body or her personality. Just her face, and her memories. She had her emotions, but it was hard to say whether that was really her, or just the memories.

Honestly, she had only been calling herself Pinkamena because she didn’t know what else to call herself. Was she Pinkamena? Was she just her body filled with some amalgamation of whatever she was now? She needed to do some soul searching at some point, but she doubted she’d have the time.

Whatever the case, she didn’t know if she could promise she wouldn’t change. She could barely even say what she was now, or what she’d become. She would do everything she could to prevent The Whispers from completely taking over, and she would try her damndest to not give in to her bloodlust and her chimera instinct. But avoiding change at all?

That wasn’t something she could prevent, whether she liked it or not.

Pinkamena detracted her claws and lowered her hand, turning her attention to Maud. She was still hiding behind her hair waiting for an answer, her hands laying on the table shakily. It was true that she knew she wouldn’t be able to promise Maud that she couldn’t change, but if she were to say that, it might make things a lot worse.

As much as she hated it, she had to lie to Maud, it was better for both of them that way.

“I…” Pinkamena felt her mouth get a bit dry. “Promise you, I won’t change.”

Maud visibly relaxed as Pinkamena said that, exhaling loudly. She looked up at Pinkamena, a slight smirk on her face.

“Thank you, that...does help, really. I was half-tempted to make you do a Pinkie Promise, but I decided against it.” Maud said she got up from her chair, picking up the empty coffee mug and taking it to the sink.

“You go ahead and go, I don’t want to keep you any longer. I’m sorry if I made you worried, things have been...chaotic recently. If you get time, come back here and talk to me, it's partly what I’m here for.” Maud said as she began to clean the mug, leaving hers still on the table.

Pinkamena nodded and opened the door, walking outside with a feeling of guilt in her stomach. She didn’t have a problem with lying, just with people that trusted her and that she cared about.

It seemed like no matter what she did, someone she cared about got hurt. Was she really that unlucky? Or was she just that self-destructive?

Either way, she had an Apple to meet, a killer to beat, and a friend to find, and not even enough time to think.