Who Punched the Spike?

by Lise

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1940

Spike is always the one to get himself in trouble. Yet this time Twilight might not be enough to handle the situation.

Spike is always the one to get himself in trouble. Yet this time Twilight might not be enough to handle the situation.

Special thanks to ChappedPenguinLips for editing.

Published 2017-07-29 21:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-29 21:40:06 UTC

Who did what?!

“Twilight!” Berry Punch stormed into the castle library.

Sitting at her favorite reading table, Twilight hopped into the air. Her wings instinctively sprawled open, sending a dozen books flying all over the place. Her heart paced like the wings of a humming bird, as she attempted to get her bearings. A pair of hooves grabbed her, pulling the alicorn to the floor.

“No time!” Berry Punch said, dragging Twilight towards the door. “There’s an emergency!”

“Wha? Who? Huh?” Twilight managed to say, struggling to get her legs to follow Berry on their own volition. “What emergency?”

“Spike.” The earth mare rushed through the hallway, down the stairs and out of the castle. “It’s that… I never meant for things to get out of hoof. You must believe me.”

“Spike?!” Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. What had the dragon gotten itself into again? It was one thing after another with him. Rock sliding, lava diving, parasprite domestication… It seemed that every time Twilight told herself he was old enough to take care of himself the dragon managed to find a new way to prove her wrong. “What happened to him?”

“I…” Berry hastened the pace. “I sort of.” For the briefest of moment she glanced at Twilight, before quickly looking away. “I sort of punched him.”

“You did what?!” Twilight shouted, causing every pony in the street to stare at them.

“It just sort of happened! I didn't do it on purpose.”

“You're telling me that…” Twilight paused trying to catch her breath. “You're telling me,” she attempted once more, “that you punched a fragile little dragon? What in Equestria made you do that?!”

“Ha! Fragile as a sack of rubble,” Berry snorted. “I wasn't the only one to blame, you know. And maybe we could stop talking about this in the middle of town.?”

A fight! They must have gotten into a fight! Twilight thought. That had to be it. Looking at things logically it was bound to happen sooner or later, though she hoped it would be later. Spike’s ability to fall for the wrong type of mare was nothing short of legendary, but even so getting into a fight with his crush in less than a day was impressive in a disturbing sort of way.

“What's important now is that we get to him,” Berry urged. “Before—“

“Hold on.” Twilight cut her short. “Where are we going exactly?”

“Err, home?” Berry Punch blinked. “Where did you think?”

Twilight merely sighed. You could have told me that in the first place! We wouldn't have galloped like idiots through half of Ponyville! Closing her eyes, Twilight took a deep breath, exhaled, then opened them up again. There were many things she wanted to say—or rather yell—to Berry Punch, but that was best left for another time. Right now there was a dragon to heal. Concentrating, Twilight cast a teleportation spell, flashing them off the street and into Berry’s living room.

The instant Twilight set hoof in the room, she was was almost knocked to the floor by the stench of alcohol. What by Tartarus is this? She covered her nostrils, though not enough to stop the burning sensation in her nose and eyes. Already she regretted not taking her time running here, at least then she would have gotten a few more breaths of fresh air.

“Kitchen!” Berry ordered, not in the least dazzled by the teleportation spell, or the alcohol vapors. “Quick!”

“Okay, I’m coming!!” Twilight held her breath. It did little good. The place was more than unhygienic, it was a health hazard! “How can you live in this?” She coughed.

“Just look!” Berry shouted, upon entering the kitchen, hoof pointing to the middle of the room. “There!”

Twilight's jaw dropped open. A few steps away, relaxing in what could only be described as a pool of punch, was none other than Spike. Around him, stacked and scattered all over the floor, were more bottles of alcohol that Twilight imagined possible, as well as fruit baskets and jars of gem dust.

“Twilight Punch and Berry Sparkle,” Spike slurred, trying to focus his gaze on them. “My two *hic* favorite mares. Want a sip?”

Twilight could stand it no more. Her horn lit up. A purple flash filled the room with a loud pop. Moments later the light was gone, taking the stench of alcohol with it. I can breathe! Twilight gasped for air. After such a horrifying experience, never again would she complain of Ponyville’s air standards. For nearly ten seconds she filled her lungs with breath after breath until the burning sensation in her throats, eyes, and sinuses was no more. Then she turned towards Berry.

“Punched? Really?” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “This is the big emergency?” She pointed at Spike. The dragon was splashing happily in his oversized punchbowl. “Is that what you meant by punched? I thought you had hurt him!”

“As if hooves could harm dragon scales,” Berry grumbled under her breath.

“Yo, Twiwight!” Spike took out a small glass from his punch bath, filled to the brim. “You gotta try this!”

“How did this even happen?” Twilight asked, yet the moment Berry opened her mouth, the princess put a hoof on it. “You know what, I don't want to know,” she lied. In truth she was burning to hear what had happened to the very last detail. The only thing she didn't want was to be seen asking. “I can't believe you disturbed my reading and dragged me from the palace just for this!”

“Oh?” Berry pushed Twilight's hoof away. “Watch!”

“I don't see what could possibly—“

A loud burp interrupted Twilight mid sentence. The glass of punch Spike was holding became engulfed in green flames, then disappeared in a puff of smoke. Usually that would be considered a common occurrence. Any given week Spike would send up to ten scrolls to the Royal Canterlot Palace without anypony batting an eye. Today, however, things were slightly different. Twilight’s face froze. Her expression changed from angry, to worried, to absolutely panicked, as millions of tiny gears in her mind brought her to the terrifying realization.

“Oh my stars!” She shouted grabbing hold of Berry Punch. “Princess Celestia! How did this happen!?”

“I thought you weren't interested in that,” Berry grumbled. Twilight’s glowing eyes, however, quickly her made her adjust her attitude. “After the punch incident at your party, Spike convinced me to develop a rejuvenating punch for dragons to bathe in.”

Twilight’s left eye twitched.

“For their scales,” Berry quickly clarified. “To rejuvenate their scales. Apparently, my punch can also be used as a skin tonic. Who knew?”

“I can think of one dragon,” Twilight said.

“So, I took out my receipts and started experimenting. Spike volunteered to be the test subject, of course.”

“Of course.” Twilight rolled her eyes. No surprises there.

There were two things that the dragon couldn't resist: gems and taking care of his appearance. Twilight had caught him on read books on how to improve his looks on numerous occasions. It was only after the tenth time he vigorously denied it that she explained that the books in question were meant for stallions. Being presented with a method to make his scales shinier would certainly intrigue him enough to resort to swimming in a tub of punch.

“So we started, then I added a few more ingredients, then he added a few more ingredients…” Berry made a circle in the air with her forehoof. “Before we knew it the punch bowl was full. And… well, you can guess the rest.”

Twilight couldn't, but right now she preferred remaining blissfully unaware of certain details.

“And why, for the love of Equestria, do you have a pool sized punchbowl?” the princess asked, as Spike splashed with his tail, sending drops of Punch all over the kitchen.

“Do I pry in your personal life?” Berry snorted, moving a few steps away.

“Well, I certainty don't—“

“Naaar, faaar, wherever you arrrr,” Spike sang in a voice that made glass tremble. “My haaaart will g—“

A silence bubble formed round the the dragon’s head restoring silence to the room. Both Berry and Twilight looked at the dragon then at each other. At least this is something we could agree upon, Twilight thought. Now what remained was to take care of the real issue. In Spike’s present condition there was no telling what he might do. Worse, Twilight didn't know any method of sobering him up. All the spells she knew, while efficient on ponies, had no effect on dragons—as she had found out at Spike’s coming of age party.

“Think! Think! Think!” Twilight paced to and fro. “As far as I know the city guard cells are empty right now, so I could teleport him there for the day.”

“Huh?” Berry blinked.

“Although, with all the singing I’ll have to gag him,” Twilight continued. “Which will also take care of him sending things to Canterlot. But what if he sends the gag to Canterlot?” She scratched her chin with her hoof.

“Err, Twilight, maybe…” Berry Punch tugged on the princess’ tail only to be ignored yet again.

“A sleep spell!” Twilight shouted, hopping in joy. “That will take care of everything! There will be no singing, no splashing, no magicking things away… well, maybe a little snoring, but that’ll be fine.” She giggled, pleased with herself. There! Once we approach a problem rationally it's inevitable we reach to the correct solution.

“It’s just that…” Berry’s words trailed off, as she took a cautious step back in the direction of the door.

“Oh, there’s nothing to worry about. I've done this plenty of times,” Twilight boasted. “It’s quick, quiet, and efficient.”

With the calm of a regal princess, Twilight trotted to the giant punch bowl and popped the silence bubble. To her joy Spike had stopped singing. Instead, he sat in his pool completely silent, glaring at Twilight with an ominous frown.

“Okay, Spike.” A faint glow surrounded Twilight’s horn. “This is what I'm going to do. I’ll—”

As Twilight was about to start her explanation, Spike belched at her. Thick green flames appeared surrounding her from all sides, blocking him and the room from view. That’s just disgusting! the alicorn winced.

“Spike, be serious!” Twilight flapped her wings. “This is no time to…” her words trailed off. Once the smoke had cleared she could see she wasn’t where she had been a moment ago. The small kitchen was replaced by a vast marble fall. Before her Princess Celestia sat on her throne, annoyed expression on face, mane dripping with what smelled like alcohol. “Princess?” Twilight blinked. “I don't understand.”

“Hey, Twilight,” a defeated voice came from nearby. “Guess he got you too, huh?”

Ten steps away four other ponies were standing in the hall, each sharing the same guilty look. There was Rarity, hiding behind her makeup, Pinkie donning a wide smile, Rainbow Dash looking at the ceiling pretending nothing of impressive trance had happened, and, of course, Applejack looking at the floor in shame.

“Girls?” Twilight’s ears perked up in surprise. “What happened? Why are you here?”

“A minor misunderstanding, darling,” Rarity said, applying another coat of powder on her cheeks.

“What she means is that Spike got us good.” Applejack sighed. “Darnabbit, I knew I shouldn't have used my lasso to drag him outa there.”

“Lasso?” Twilight arched a brow. “I still don't… Wait! You mean to say that all of you…” There was no point in finishing the sentence. “Oh.” She glanced at Celestia. The monarch seemed even less amused. “Umm, maybe Fluttershy will have better luck?”