"Just keep on smiling. Come on! They'll think you're normal and you can forget about her! So, smile. Do what Pinkie said and smile..." The voice tells me, as I walk out from my house, "Come on, Pinkie Pie is your friend. She's always been there for you. She's going to help you and you haven't her in ages, so get over it," says the voice again.
"Yeah but the wounds are still there," I tell the voice in my head. I keep on trotting to Pinkie Pie's house. "Pinkie said we would have the day together," I remind myself. Today Pinkie had made plans for us to spend the whole day together, just us and not her other friends. Pinkie was my first "real" friend. We met when we were both foals. I remember prominently a pinkie filly on her way to Ponyville, when she noticed me. I was crying on the side of a dirt road because of her. I promised myself I wouldn't say her name ever again, since she hurt me so much. I was so young and so naïve. I didn't know anypony was capable of this much destruction, and then not give a care about it after. She's manipulative and only takes from everypony else. The only thing she'll give is a sharp word or two. "Huh....being an unicorn who's friends with a pegasus like her. It would have never worked out. Why didn't I see this sooner?!" I scream at myself internally, kicking myself in the process. I hadn't realized I'd gotten to Pinkie's until-
"EMBER! YOU'RE HERE!" screamed Pinkie in my ear, who was bouncing up and down, very excitedly at my arrival, as if she hadn't seen me in forever.
"Pinkie I just saw you yesterday," I said, watching the party pony jump up and down. She pulled me into the bakery and hugged me tightly. Sugar Cube Corner wasn't open today, in fact nothing was. This was why Pinkie had a free day all day. I had just moved to Ponyville myself a few months ago, so I don't know how everything works yet.
"Um...Pinkie to Ember? Helloooooooo?!" said Pinkie, waving a hoof in front of my face, "Anypony in there? Hellooo?! EMBER!"
"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry Pinkie," I said with a fake smile. "Just keep smiling so she'll think you were thinking about something happy you dumbass," I said in my mind, mentally kicking myself.
"You kinda spaced out. Are you okay? You seem...off?" asks Pinkie, raising an eyebrow in suspicion that everything wasn't alright.
"Then your Pinkie sense must be off today. I'm fine Pinkie, I promise," I say with fake happiness in my voice. Everything wasn't alrught. I sensed an oncoming danger for some reason. Then I heard loud whining coming from the middle of Ponyville. Pinkie walked out to check what was wrong, but when she came back, she looked scared.
"Um...lets not go anywhere today Ember," said Pinkie, frantically locking everything and drawing all the window curtains shut.
"Pinkie? Is something wrong?" I asked, worried that my friend had finally lost all sanity, or something else she and the other elements would have to deal with.
"N-n-no. Nothing like that Em," said Pinkie nervously, while standing in front of the door on her hind hooves, outstretching her forelegs.
"You do realize I can make you tell me what's wrong," I said as a golden-yellow aura enveloped my horn. I loved the sound of magic. It was so beautiful to hear and see, even if it did cause bad things. Then I remembered the matters at hand and made a magic bubble of truth, swallow Pinkie's head. Then I started to ask questions, "Who's out there?" Pinkie tried to shut her muzzle, but I pushed forwards. "Who's out there Pinkie?" I asked, placing a hoof behind her head, and leaning in so close that our muzzles touched. Pinkie was sweating so violently, that she started to make a rather large puddle on the floor. Her breaths were ragged and her teeth chattered loudly. I stared angrily into her eyes as I asked on last time, "Who's out there, Pinkie?"
The pink mare finally gave in with sigh, as she returned to standing on all four hooves, "I tried to protect you Em, but it seems like it's not use. It's- it's- it's her...."
That one word set off a bunch of tiny explosions in my mind, breaking the wall that held all my repressed memories. They came flooding in violently, as voices and images of my foalhood came back. I covered my ears with my hooves and ducked down for cover, as if it would help. It didn't and I shut my eyes tightly. Voices of foals echoed in my head, as the swirling tornado of memories surrounded me.
"Haha, you're so fake!"
"Bigot!"
"Half-faggot!"
"Why are you acting like this?"
"I'm sorry, come back."
"We are not friends anymore."
"Hey we're friends again."
Voices of foals started to get louder, as laughter was now all I heard. I pleaded, "MAKE IT STOP!" Tears start to fall down my muzzle, as my horn begins to glow like the sun. I sob loudly on the floor of the bakery, as the voice of Pinkie brings me back to reality.
"Em! Em! Ember!" says a concerned Pinkie, who was shaking me violently.
"P-Pinkie. I-I-I-" I was cut off by an arrogant voice. The voice sounded familiar and brought back only the worst of memories.
"Look, it's fire shit," said a pegasus, trotting into the closed bakery.
I stood up angrily and pointed my horn towards the pegsus, setting up a spell to blast her flank to Celestia knows where. I scraped the floor with a single hoof, and said angrily through my teeth, "Leave now or I swear I will blast your ass to Tartarus."
"You still upset fire-" the tan, pegasus was cut-off by a rather angry earth pony.
"Leave you piece of pegasus shit or I'll kick you to who knows where," Pinkie made their muzzles touch, "I'm an element, my friends are elements, I have all four princesses as friends, and you never want to see me angry."
Pinkie back them into the door, as she kicked her out and screamed, "WE'RE CLOSED HORSE SHIT! GET LOST! YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO ALL PONY KIND!"
Pinkie slammed the door violently shut, as her breaths became ragged, and eyes looked like lasers would come out of them. I hugged her and said, "Thank you Pinkie." It took her a while to calm down.
"Stupid piece of shit," cursed Pinkie, "That pony doesn't even deserve wings, more or less to exist," she trotted into the back and started to violently bash a metal cube with her hooves, "She is a horrible mare, horrible pony, and a greedy, little bitch. From all the things you've told me, she doesn't even deserve friends. Too intense, even for me."
I nodded and stood behind the pink mare. From the recent encounter, I felt myself die even more inside, even though there was nothing there to kill anymore. I am an empty shell of what used to be pony. I used to be happy and full of life, but then....well then I met her and she killed me without anypony knowing it. I didn't realize it until it was too late. I didn't realize she had killed me...and neither did anypony else, well anypony else but Pinkie Pie. Even the new friends I've acquired don't see I'm broken. I told them I was, none of them helped. Tears kept flying down my cheeks and memories flooded back. I screamed loudly and bolted out the door back home.
"Today was a mistake...going out was a mistake...today was-" My thoughts were cuts off when I ran into a pegasus with a light tan coat, black mane, and brown eyes. Her smile turned into a devilish smirk.
"Fire crash now? Figures," said the pegasus, smirking happily to herself.
"Move shit stain and wipe that grin on your face, before I wipe it off for you," I said getting up and preparing to punch the stupidly, grinning mare.
"Easy now fire shit. I'm not here to play buddy-buddy with y-"
"We're not friends asshole, remember?" I cut her off with a sarcastic remark.
"At least let me finish. I'm here because Princess Twilight is making a speech today. I'm going to protest," she said as if she was more important than everyone else.
"On the gangs here, why? She's doing something good," I say sharply.
"Because she banned trans-ponies in the royal guard," she says.
"She has a point though. If you're going into war or protecting the princesses, you don't want personal problems interfere. Also, it may save money for-" she cuts me off.
"BIGOT! THERE'S ONLY ONE SIDE!" she screams.
"THERE WILL ALWAYS BE TWO SIDES IDIOT! LIKE THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A CHOICE!" I shout back at her, "YOU FUCKING IDIOT! CAN YOU BE ANYMORE THICK?! YOU ARE SO TICK AND KEEP GETTING WORSE! YOU DON'T EVEN REALIZE YOU BREAK PONIES! YOU JUST PLAY FRIEND AND THEN LEAVE THEM CONFISED IN A SHIT STORM! YOU INFLUENCE THEM IN ALL THE WRONG WAYS YOU DUMBASS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LET THEM BE THEMSELVES! THEY AREN'T YOU! NOT EVERYONE IS GAY OR BISEXUAL BUT YOU MAKE THEM THINK THAT! YOU ARE A MONSTER! YOU THINK YOU'RE THIS SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR! FIGHTING FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYPONY BUT NO! NEWS FLASH: NO ONE LIKES A SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR ON EITHER SIDE! I HATE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL! YOU BROKE ME AND TOOK FROM ME, AND WHEN THAT WASN'T ENOUGH YOU LEFT ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"
Birds flew from the trees and ponies came out to stare. I didn't care though, I just kept on screaming my lungs out at her. The pony who broke me; the pony who took from me; the pony who turn my life into a living hell.
"MY PARENTS AND SISTER LOOK AT ME MORE ODDLY THAN THEY ALREADY DID! I WENT TO FUCKING THERAPY AND IT DIDN'T HELP! I MADE NEW FRIENDS BUT YOU MADE ME CRAW BACK TO YOU, BUT YOU THREW ME OFF AGAIN AND AGAIN! YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD! SHE HAD SIX CHILDREN! DON'T YOU THINK SHE DESERVES A BREAK?!" I continued to scream, "YOU LITERALLY DROVE HER TO DEATH! SHE WAS ALREASY DYING, BUT SHE DIED BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF YOUR CRAP! YOU THINK YOU CAN BE THIS FAMOUS ACTRESS! YEAH, HOW'S THAT GOING?! I DON'T SEE YOUR NAME UP IN LIGHTS! YOU ARE THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME! I WISH I NEVER MET YOU! I WISH I NEVER MOVED! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MY OLD TOWN SUCKED, YET I STILL WISH WE NEVER MOVED! NO...." I thought for a moment and then started again, "I WISH I WAS NEVER FUCKING ADOPTED! THAT'S HOW MUCH I HATE YOU!"
My breaths were now ragged and ponies started to murmur in the crowd that had amassed. I wasn't going to have it, I wasn't going to let the rumors start again.
"GO HOME! DON'T SAY A WORD ABOUT THIS! I'LL TURN YOUR LIVES INTO A LIVING HELL IF YOU DO!" I screamed angrily to the crowd. They backed up and ran back inside, afraid of the fiery unicorn in Ponyville. The pegasus I was shouting at flew away. "Damn it," I cursed under my breath. I started to walk home angrily. A string of every curse word I knew was shouted out loud.
"You did well Ember, you can let go," said the voice in my head,
"Shut up, you're still here. Go away. I'm not in the mood," I shouted at the voice n my head.
"But I want to tell you-"
"I said shut up!" I screamed out loud as I slammed my door shut. I locked it and draw the curtains. I ran to my bed and levitated a large bottle of beer to my lips. I chugged it down as I landed on the bed. My cat just stared at with the same cold eyes of mine. I didn't care. "You're still here. I know why. You're never going to go away 'till I let go," I said to voice out loud again.
"True true, but-"
"But nothing. Go away and let me let go," I said through angry tears. My horn lit up and a small fire started. My cat jumped to my side as the fire licked up the wooden cottage, but not my bed. Tears flooded down my cheeks as my cat hissed at the fire. I screamed and shouted at nothing as the voice departed from my head.
"My dear, I will leave. You have let go. You have said goodbye. I will save you and your pet. I will miss you dear, but you will always have me," said the voice one last time, fading into the loud crackling of burning wood.
I was left to sob with only my cat at my side. The fire wouldn't dare touch the bed though. That was the voice's last gift as it left. I knew I wouldn't be rid of it, I would never. It would simply stay dormant, until I called for it again. The voice, the friend after the monster. When I realized this I started to laugh like a madmare, cackling into the fire. My eye's shrunk as the last bit of humanity slipped away from me. There was nothing left but the emptiness. There would always be emptiness now. Nothing to full the hull, nothing to give away. I smiled wide and screamed, "JUST KEEP ON SMILING!" The grin would now never leave my face, so no one would know I was broken. If you're happy and smiling then they won't know. No pony would know anymore. They wouldn't know anything, but the emptiness that consumes me. There would be no more chaos for me, but for them. I wouldn't be sad anymore. I would be no more...
Author's Note
This was actually based off of my own experiences, feelings, and thoughts. This reveals my true feelings of a girl I once called my, "best friend." This was very hard to wirte and often i was brought to tears, but I hope you like it.
