The Equestrian Job

by stupidhand14

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Octavia, Comedy, Fluttershy, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Big Macintosh, Random
Length: 2636

Bank heists require planning, cunning, and a crack team of experts. Fluttershy plans one all on her own, and is going to see it through. It's a real shame everyone else has the same idea.

The First National Bank of Equestria is one of the most secure, the most protected, and the most rich banks in the world. If somepony were able to break in, they'd be able to take the crown jewel of the Equestrian banking sector. To do this, a pony would need a plan, the skill to pull it off, and a healthy dose of luck.

Fluttershy has the perfect plan, with a small fortune spent in preparation. She has the skill to get through the barriers that pop up. It's a real shame a black cat crossed her path.

Edited by Darklordcomp

Preread by Goldenwing

Published 2017-08-01 18:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-01 18:30:06 UTC

The Heist

Fluttershy glided into the First National Equestria Bank. Immediately, she regretted coming in during the busiest hour. The line stretched nearly to the door, and there were going to be so many witnesses.

Gulping, she moved to the back of the line, taking a look around, making a note of what security she could. She already knew the tellers had silent alarms next to their hooves, but she also noticed a camera and the door leading to the back.

Feeling more than a little scared, she started to move to the bathroom, only to bump into a very large somepony.

“O-oh, sorry!” Fluttershy said, moving around them and rushing past the red stallion in a trench coat and into the bathroom.

Taking a moment to think after she got into her stall, she hardened her resolve. She opened her saddlebag, looking at the sketch of the building she was given by Shady Deals. According to the blueprints, the vault was in the back, past two passcode doors, a retina scanner, and an unmarked area.

Rolling up the map and stuffing it back into her saddlebag, she checked to make sure she had all her supplies, including her Dangerous Mission Outfit and her rich mare outfit. Confirming that, yes, she hadn’t forgotten anything, Fluttershy—after a great deal of effort—put on her disguise: Impossibly Rich. Looking around, she let out a nervous smile. She only hoped nothing would throw her perfect plan off.

She moved back out to the front area and, putting on an air of authority, moved towards one of the guard ponies that watched over the crowd.

“You there!” Fluttershy said as loud as she could. The guard turned to her. “What is your name?”

“M-my name?” The guard asked. Upon closer inspection, he looked familiar to Fluttershy. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he was maybe Vinyl Scratch, but Vinyl was a she. He was even a unicorn, for Celestia’s sake! “It’s, uh, Sh… Shattered Armor, ma’am.”

“Thank you. I’m sure you remember me, from the last time I deposited a great deal of capital in this bank.”

The stallion looked confused for a moment, but before he could get any further another guard, this one a pegasus, moved over. “Is there a problem here?” she asked.

“No, no problem, Ca---” The stallion received a sharp glance from his female companion. “Camouflage.”

“Good.” Finally, the pegasus turned to Fluttershy, and, again, she was struck with a feeling of familiarity. There was something about the lean, pink mare that just didn’t make sense. Maybe it was her height, or maybe it was because she was wearing a unicorn’s helmet. “I’m afraid myself and this guard stallion need to head to the back for now, so you’ll need to find another to assist you.”

Fluttershy screamed internally. Plan A was a failure, but Plan B was still possible. She just needed to make a scene.

“Do you know who I am?” Fluttershy upturned her nose further. “I am Impossibly Rich, the matriarch of the Rich family! Unless you want me to pull our assets out of this bank, I demand to speak to your manager this instant!”

Even Fluttershy was surprised by how confident she said those words, and she noticed the two guards share a look, with brow movements and eye crinkles sending a thousand different words in the span of a few seconds. They both knew full well their flanks were on the line.

“O-of course! Please, follow… me?” The two guards led her across the line, where Fluttershy couldn’t help but note a particularly calm charcoal earth pony waiting. She felt the urge to wave hello to Octavia, but resisted, though that didn’t stop her curiously wondering why she had brought her Cello to the bank.

Soon they were in front of the door to the back. There was an electronic lock on the door, requiring a password to be entered to the side. The two guards shared a look that Fluttershy instantly recognized. We’re so dead.

“Huh… the password isn’t working.” The stallion looked at his partner, his mouth drawn tight. He walked over to one of the tellers, who took off at a run. He walked back over. “Huh. Apparently, the IT pony changed the password. They should be here in a minute.”

The three ponies waited in silence until, finally, they saw the teller return, a lavender unicorn mare in tow. Her outfit was baggy, as if worn by somepony much larger, and muscular. All three waiting ponies stiffened as she approached. As she approached, they each could read what seemed a hastily scribbled name tag, Twilight Sharp.

“I assume you didn’t read the latest employee email?” the mare asked, and it sounded very familiar. “I changed these earlier today, and the code was in them.”

“S-sorry, Twi...light,” the guard said, his voice one octave higher and… why did he have a different accent?”

“It’s fine, but, please, read it. It would make my job so much easier.?” She punched the code into the pad and opened the door. “Now, since there are other ones I changed, I’ll accompany you.” She looked over to Fluttershy. “As for you, I’m sorry for the inconvenience. You came at a transitionary period.”

Fluttershy forced down a relieved sigh. Twilight “Sharp” may not have recognized her, but things just became a million times harder. Before they could enter the door, though, all four ponies were pushed aside by a fast moving force: a cyan and rainbow blur.

The stallion was the first to recover, jumping to his hooves and lighting his horn. Before he could even get a spell off, he heard a shout from behind.

“Nopony move! This is a hold up!”

The tellers, guards, and Fluttershy turned around to see a small army of earth ponies wielding an assortment of picks, axes, and pitchforks triding forward. At their head, wearing an apple mask, was an orange mare with blonde hair.

“Now, you there,” she pointed at the stallion, “stop usin’ your magic.”

The stallion complied and, in the confusion, Fluttershy crept through the opened door. She could hear the sounds of ponies getting on the floor and turned back as she heard a familiar voice.

“Now, Vinyl!” Octavia screamed from the back of the crowd that were getting down. Fluttershy peeked around the corner to see her making a mad dash to the backroom, Vinyl Scratch being dragged, fiddling with a stereo.

Fortunately, it was pointed away from Fluttershy, and to the majority of the apple bandits, meaning she didn’t receive the brunt of the ear drum bursting wub that knocked out any pony that was caught in its blast.

Seeing the stereo did it’s job, Vinyl dropped it and started following Octavia into the room, leaving the two guards, Twilight, Fluttershy, and the leader of the apple bandits behind and standing.

After the two cleared the door, the guards looked at each other and at their comrades lying unconscious around the apple bandits. With a nod, the two took off at a sprint into the doorway, past Fluttershy who was huddled in the corner, followed closely by Twilight and, in the rear, the apple bandit.

Finally shaking herself out of shock, she moved to catch up to them, only to be stopped by a big hoof on her shoulder. Turning, she saw the red stallion in the trenchcoat again, this time with an added pair of shades. He looked down at her.

“Eenope.” He pushed her back slightly and walked forward at a steady pace. Fluttershy waited all of two seconds before taking flight and moving above and around him.

It was clear the ones ahead of her lacked finesse, as the second door was brutally broken down. Though, surprising her more was the half a dozen guards lying on the floor unconscious. Pausing a moment to see if they were alright, Fluttershy flew past them and after a couple of hallways, she found the rest of the ponies having an… argument?

“What the heck is this?” the cyan pegasus closest to the door asked.

“Retina scanner,” the guard stallion said, still using the different voice. “Only an employee with proper clearance can get this opened.”

“Why wasn’t this in the briefing?” the female one asked.

As Fluttershy approached, she found Rainbow Dash, glaring at the door, trying desperately to figure out a way to open it.

Octavia turned to Vinyl and nodded. The DJ went into her saddlebags and pulled out what seemed to be an eye in a glass jar.

“Oh dear Celestia…” Fluttershy felt ready to faint, barely staying aloft. “Please tell me that’s not…”

“What?” Octavia looked at her in shock. “Of course not! It’s an artist rendition of the manager’s eyes!” Vinyl gave a prideful grin and moved the eye in front of the retina scanner.

“I don’t think that’ll…” the door open with a click, and everypony rushed the door, pushing each other to be the first through.

Naturally, Rainbow was the first one through, and the group came to what was the unmarked area on Fluttershy’s map. Before everypony could rush into the hallway, they were enveloped in a purple glow, stopping their progress.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the IT pony said, shedding her disguise. Striding forward, Twilight closed her eyes. After casting a quick spell, the group of would-be robbers saw at least 10 lasers crossing the hallway. “You’ll have to find a way through without tripping them, or the alarm will sound and the vault close.”

“What do you mean ‘you’ll’?” Rainbow asked, right before Twilight teleported to the other side and took off at a gallop. “Hey! Get back here!”

Rainbow scanned the lasers for a few seconds, nodded, and took off at top speeds, contorting her body to dodge every laser and breaking through them with ease.

The pink female guard, now devoid of armor, spread her wings and followed after her, though at a slower pace. Fluttershy followed after them, shedding her own disguise lest it get caught in the lasers and trigger the alarm.

After getting through, she flew after Twilight and the other pegasi. Flying for a minute, she finally caught up to the three in front of a comically large vault door covered with magic runes. Twilight had a stethoscope on and was turning the center, trying to listen for the tumblers clicking.

Everypony else politely, though not quietly, waited behind her.

“Hey, you almost done, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked loudly. “C’mon, just give the rest us a chance already!”

“I’m trying to work here!” she snapped back, before trying to tune her out until she was done. After a few seconds, the rest of the robbers finally caught up.

“So…” the bandit wearing an apple mask turned to Rainbow Dash. “Ya’ actually got a plan for this?”

“Psssh! A plan? Of course I have a plan.”

Even from behind the mask, everypony could see an eyebrow being raised. “And what’s that?”

“I can’t tell you my plan!” Rainbow pointed an accusatory hoof. “You just want to know so you can steal it, hah?”

The bandit gave a blank stare, making the mask look expressive by comparison. She was about to say something when a snapping of a stethoscope broke in.

“Well, who wants to try next?” Twilight asked, her eye twitching in annoyance at being defeated by a simple comically large vault door.

“I believe we’ve got this one,” Octavia said, putting down the cello case she was carrying. Popping it open, everyone saw it was filled to the brim with explosives, and let out a collective whistle. “Oh, please, this is nothing. My cello weighs more.”

Placing the case in front of the vault door, she backed off to where there was at least one turn between her and the explosives. Needless to say, everypony else stood at an even safer distance.

Clicking a button in her hooves, the group felt their entire world shake with the boom with as much force as Vinyl’s latest album.

After the ground resettled, the group moved closer, seeing a giant hole where the vault door once was. As one the group walked through the smoke into the vault.

“Huh.” The apple bandit scratched beneath her mask. Inside the warehouse sized vault was their goal: a gold bar. “I guess there’s only one gold bar. Guess that kinda makes sense.”

After a moment, everyponies’ eyes went to each others, each thinking the same thought: Who would be the one to get the gold bar.

“Please, I’m sure we can handle this nice and fairly, with a solution that leaves everyone happy.” Twilight levitated the bar up. “This bar is of some size, so, since this is a dangerous place, let’s leave, and I’ll hold onto it, and later we can discuss how to divide it.”

“My apologies, Twilight,” Octavia said, raising a hoof and putting it around her shoulders. “But you’re not leaving here with the gold.” With the ease only obtainable through earth pony strength, Octavia threw Twilight across the room, slamming into the far wall. The ingot fell from her grasp, falling to Vinyl Scratch.

Rainbow intercepted it mid fall and was about to make it out of the vault when a purple force field enveloped the entrance, preventing anypony from escaping. Standing in front of it was the male guard.

“Cadence, now!” he shouted.

Rainbow Dash turned to see a determined pink alicorn descending upon her. Unable to fly away in time, Rainbow dropped the golden bar and threw herself at Cadence, locking her in flight combat.

Shining Armor took the ingot in his magic and tried to back up and out through his forcefield, only to run into the apple bandit, who looked less than pleased. With a single buck, the Captain of the Guard fell unconscious, dropping the ingot.

Octavia sprinted past and took it in her hoof. “Apologies, but I worked hard for this and I will have it.”

“Guess we’ll just have to do it like we do on the farm.” The apple bandit took off her mask to reveal Applejack, who cracked her neck and her legs. “Let’s get dancin’.”

A hooffight broke out between the Octavia and Applejack. Cadence and Rainbow got tangled midair and fell in front of Twilight, who soon joined them in their aerial combat, now adding in lasers between the two alicorns. Fluttershy remained in the corner, hiding, regretting her choices, and wishing her plan had worked.

In the end, everypony was knocked unconscious or unable to move. Everypony, that is, except Fluttershy. Getting up and out of her corner, she moved to Shining Armor, who had, in his unconscious state, gotten the gold ingot in the end. Taking it from him, she looked around.

Had… had she been the victor?

“Eenope,” came a voice from behind her. Before she could turn around, the world turned black.

Celestia smiled down at the stallion before her. He was a trench coat, sunglasses, and what was obviously a fake beard. For the life of her, Celestia had no idea who this mysterious pony was. But whoever it was, he had defeated the defenses of the best bank in Equestria, beaten the competition, and brought her the golden ingot.

The rest of the competitors were caught by the guards and forced to do community service, naturally.

“Well done, sir and slash or ma’am. You are the winner of the bank heist contest.” The stallion stood solemnly in a trench coat and sunglasses. “Before I can give you your reward, please remove your disguise so I might know who you are.”

“Eenope,” he said before turning and walking out of the throne room, leaving a very confused Princess behind.