Spike was siting on his computer waiting for another game he bought to install. He stared at the computer screen both in boredom and anger. "This better not be a repeat with that stupid Pac-Man game again!" he thought to himself. As the screen read 92% installed, Spike slowly raise an eyebrow, leaning closer to the computer with anticipation. "Come on, come on!" he pleaded softly. From 92, to 96, and 99. Spike stopped and remained still. A beat of sweat ran down from his forehead to brow. His fingers trembled from trying to remain still, afraid that if he did, he may end up jinxing himself.
99%
...
100%
Spike jumped for joy. "YES!" he cheered. "Now, lets see what all the craze is about." Spike smiled as switch on his camera, and logged into his PonyTube account. After checking his capture card and making sure his mic was well calibrated (and a bunch of other boring tedious technical stuff), Spike began the recording his live stream.
"Hello ponies of PonyTube, its me Spike the Dragon, and today I'm going to be live streaming some Dark Souls. There's a lot of hype for this game. Every time I went to the game store, ponies kept on telling me how amazing and challenging it is. So I figured, why not see for myself."
With his introduction out of the way, Spike, clicked on his game. A few loading screens later, he was at the main menu. "Alright, so far so good" Spike thought to himself. He turned to his live chat screen. So far, he had 5 currently watching. He nodded, and preceded to click the start button. "Okay. Lets do this."
A cut scene later, Spike was at the character creation. He was a bit surprised by this. He had never played any game before that had gave him the option to make his OWN in-game Character. "Oh, I can make my own character?" he said, "COOL!". Spike browsed through the available options. Gender, Skin Color, Hair Color, Hairstyle, Class; Voice. "I can change my voice too!?" he exclaimed, "This game is awesome!" After a few minutes of folling around with the creation mechanics, Spike finally created his character.
A tall, dark skinned, muscular warrior dressed in full body armor, with a deep Manly Voice. "Perfect!" Spike cheered. "Alright, now THAT'S a hero worthy of fighting monsters and rescuing fair maidens." Spike got lost into his rescuing Rarity fantasy for a bit before proceeding with his game. After a lengthy, and epic cut scene, the game began. Spike was impressed by the graphics. "Awesome" he though. The level finally began. Northern Undead Asylum.
"Alright!" exclaimed spike, "Let's Do This!"
The level was dark, and shadowy, and appeared to be some sort of stone hall way. Upon further exploration, Spike discovered it was a some sort of dungeon cell. "Huh, okay. So I guess my first objective is to escape" Spike assumed. "Piece of Cake!" Spike began exploring the cell. There appeared to be nothing of interests. No items, no secret passages. No anything. "Huh? What do I do?" Spike thought. Eventually he noticed the obvious sparkle effect by a corpse near the cell door.
"Oh."
Spike approached the corpse and upon interacting with it, received a key. "Alright!" he cheered. "Let's see if this will unlock the cell door." Spike approached the cell door, and interacted with it. The cell door opened. "YES! Time to explore!" Spike exited from the cell and saw his character from a small light source. It was dressed in heavy knight armor, so he could she his face or any of the customization details he added. But he didn't care right now. The armor he was wearing looked Badass!
"Whoa! I look cool!" Spike exclaimed.
Spike proceeded down the hallway. As he explored, he tried to figure out the game's controls. Oblivious to the glowing interactive tutorial messages. "Hmm, how do I attack?" thought Spike. He clicked the mouse. Sure enough, that was it. "Oh, alright" Spike said. "So that's how you attack. Where some enemies?" It was really dark in the level, so it was pretty hard to see any enemies, if they were any. For now, Spike just walked straight ahead.
"Pretty boring so far" thought Spike.
As we kept on straight, still no enemies in sight, or if they were, he couldn't see them very well, or weren't even attacking him. He saw what looked like a zombie, but it did attack. So Spike decided to attack it first. 3 strikes, and down it went. "Really? 3 hits to takeout an enemy?" laughed Spike, "Gimme a break." He kept on forward, down some stairs, and into some sewer level. Eventually he made it to a giant chamber room. And that's when things began to take a turn.
Being ambushed by a giant creature, Spike practically jumped out of his hide and scales as the creature took him completely by surprise. "Whoa! What the..." Spike had no idea it was coming. Below the screen he noticed a health bar. "Asylum Demon?" read Spike. "Huh? Must be the first boss." He thought. "A little early, but alright. Let's Do This!"
With determination in his eyes, Spike charged the monster and clicked away, attacking. 1 strike, 2 strikes, 3 strikes, 4. 19 damage, 21 damage, 16 damage, 30. 90 damge. The monster swung its giant club, and unable to dodge, Spike witnessed his health drop almost 2/4 of the way down. "Whoa, what the hell!?" exclaimed Spike. "How did he deal so much damage!" In a panic, Spike tried to figure out how to dodge, as the creature prepared to swing his club again. 102 damage. "NO!" cried Spike, "WHERE'S THE DODGE BUTTON!?" Spike couldn't find the dodge, and before he knew it, the monster had killed him. 3 strikes, and he was out. Spike stared at the screen in disbelief, as the famous red letters faded into the now showy screen.
YOU DIED
Spike's mouth was hung open, and his eye widen as big as he widen them. "I DIED!?" he exclaimed, tightly clenching his fists in anger. "NO WAY!" he cried, "BULLSHIT!" After a few seconds of a black screen, Spike respawned back where he started, the dungeon cell. Except, this time, the door was opened. "What, I'm back here now?" he said. "Oh, the door's open though." He exited the room and continued down the hallway, making his way to the chamber room.
He was back, and there was the Asylum Demon boss. Spike smirked to himself. This time, he was determined to fight that bastard. He charged. 21, 16, 30, 19, 20. 109. "GAH! I FORGOT TO LEARN HOW TO DODGE!" 116. "NO! NO!" 200. Spike was dead, and his rage was starting to take over. "OH FUCK YOU!" he shouted. "So it takes 3 strikes to kill a zombie, and you yourself can also die in 3 strikes?" Spike tried again. 200 damage. 152 damage. 178 damage.
YOU DIED
"Oh come on!" Spike whined. Wiping some sweat from his brow, Spike took a deep breathe in, and exhaled. "Alright. Easy there Spike" he assured himself. He tried again, but this time, made sure to learn how to dodge. Pressing every button on his keyboard, Spike tried to find the dodge button. "Oh come on!" yelled Spike. "Which button is it?" Left Click? Nope. Spacebar? Well, that made his character jump. Its a start to dodging. What dose C do? Nothing? "Oh fuck it!" ranted Spike, "I have a jump, that should at least do something."
Spike continued forward, killing a few zombies along the way. Zombies he didn't even know where there, since this stupid dungeon level is so dark. Finally, he made it back to the chamber room. The Asylum Demon finally appeared again. Spike was ready. "Alright you jackass!" yelled Spike. "This time your MINE!" Spike charged. 21. 19. 22. JUMP! 305. "WHAT! I SHOULD'VE DODGE IT!" Spike ran away, trying to avoid the bosses attacks. "AAH! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!?" he cried. "Uh? D? X? Tab? H? ALT!?" 400 damage. "AAAAH!!"
In a moment of desperation, Spike hit the Spacebar while moving and something amazing happened. He dodged. He preformed a dodge roll. "Huh? Hey, I dodged!" he cheered. Spike now realized he had to tap the spacebar while moving in the direction he wanted to dodge in. He was so happy he finally learned how to dodge, he did really cared that he died again. He once again respawns by the cell, and makes his way back to the chambers, pass the dungeon's hallway, and through a sewer.
"Alright!" exclaimed Spike with determination. "Your ass is mine now Asylum Demon!"
- DODGE! 21. 18.
- 320. YOU DIED.
"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME GET BACK UP!"
- 18. 20.
DODGE! DODGE! 402. YOU DIED.
Spike tried hard to avoid the boss. "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" he cried. As he ran, he noticed a interactive message appear below screen. "What the! What was that?" he wondered. "WHOA SHIT!" Dodging the bosses attack he made to some glowing red scratch marks on the ground, which gave him the option: "Read Message." Spike raised an eyebrow. "Message? What message?" He pressed the button to read. "Get Away" he read. "What does that mean!?"
201 damage.
"OH SHIT!"
YOU DIED.
"Fuuuuuuuhh-UUUUUUUUUUCK!"
Spike took a deep breathe in and exhaled once again. He wasn't going to let this game get to him like last time. He was going conquer this game like the monster it was. "Okay Spike, steady" he told himself. "You are a stream. A calm Stream." He proceed to try one more time. "Okay, so, I was totally wrong about this being boring" Spike said, addressing his audience. "I died like 4 times already, but I'm not ready to give up" he said, determined.
"Here we go!"
- DODGE! 19. 22. 28. DODGE! 200 Damage.
"FUCK!" Spike took a breathe. "NO! No. Not going to let this get to me."
- 22. DODGE! 19. 213 Damage. 400 Damage.
YOU DIED.
"OKAY!" grunted Spike. "Let's go again!"
YOU DIED
"HA, HA, HA, HA!" laughed Spike, trying really hard to keep his anger held in. "Oh BOY! I'm having SO MUCH FUN!" he cried. "FUNNNN!" 5th times the charm right? 200 damage. 204 damage. 109. "DAMMIT!" he yelled. 21, 32, 18, DODGE! 204 damage. "CRAP!" 201 damage. 300 damage. "SHIT!" Spike was getting furious. 6th times the charm. 7th times the charm. 8th TIMES THE CHARM!
YOU DIED
YOU DIED
YOU. DIED.
Spike jumped off his seat and screamed into his hands, which covered his face. He took some deep breathes in nd exhaled. "Okay" he said calmly. "This one is it." Spike walked into the chamber, ready to finally defeat this boss. This time he was able to deal almost 388 points worth of damage to it. Before dying again. He took another breathe. Once more. He did his very best to avoid and deal damage to it. It wasn't until his 10th try, that he realized he was suppose to AVOID the boss entirely, and go down a hallway. Which he only discovered by accident, as he ran down the hallway, and had an iron cage door close behind him.
"WHOA! WHAT HAPPEN!?" he exclaimed. "Was that suppose to happen!?" he wondered.
Spike was confused, but didn't really care at the moment. He was just happy to advance. He went on forward, down some stairs to another chamber are, with what appeared to be a sword lodged into the ground. Spike approached the item and read the message that appeared below it. "Lite Bond Fire?" he read. "What does that do?" Interacting with the item, his character ignited the item. It was some sort of campfire. A message appeared on screen.
"Rest by Bond Fires to Restore Health and Magic"
Spike smiled. "Cool, I use magic in this?" Spike wondered. "Sweet." Spike continued up some stairs to a giant door. His luck was finally changing. He could finally advance in this stupid game. He fought a few more zombies, and eventually found a shield, and a new sword. "Alright!" he cheered. "Things are finally looking up for me!" Spike continued through the dungeon level, until he came to an outside area. Nothing can ruin his mood now.
"You have been Invaded by LunaMoon420"
"Wait what!?"
Spike read the text, confused by what it meant, then began to panic. What did they mean Invaded by LunaMoon420? Spike's questions was soon answered as he was soon met by a knight, a female knight, in a glowing, ghost-like red aura. The knight started attacking him. "WHAT! WHERE DID SHE COME FROM!" Spike wined.
"HA! I REKT THEE, NOOB!" the female knight taunted.
"WHAT! IS THAT ANOTHER PLAYER! IS THERE'S MULTIPLAYER IN THIS!?" Spike wondered, in panic. "WHAT'S HAPPENING!"
The female knight showed no mercy. 40 damage. 31 damage. 21, 15, 20, 32, 44. Spike dodged helplessly, trying to avoid her strikes, but in the end, was all in vain. He stared at his screen, mouth wide open. As once again, the words of red, taunted him. Big letters, over a black showed line.
YOU DIED
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
This time, Spike has had enough. Slowly grinding his teeth, and twitching from one eye, he got up from his computer chair, as threw it out of his bedroom window, breaking the glass in the process. Taking the keyboard from his computer, he began to repeatedly slam it on the desktop table. His mouth yelling and shouting almost $20 worth of swear words for the swearing jar.
"SON OF A BITCH! FUCK! STUPID DARK SOULS! STUPID LUNAMOON420! FUCKING FUCK! MOTHERFUCKER! MOTHERUCKER! MOTHER FUCK! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"
[Meanwhile in Celestia's Castle]
Luna sat down on her gamer chair, sipping on some Mt. Dew as she smugly stared at the words on the screen of her flat screen television. "TARGET DEFEATED". She happily sits back and laughs. "Man, these new level players are so easy" she smugly gloated. From the hallway, Celestia calls out to her sister.
"Luna? What are you doing?" she asked.
"Owing Noobs." Luna replied.
"Of course" Celestia said, as she walked on by letting her sister resume.
Luna flips on her microphone to talk. "Hey, SpikeMaster12471!" she called out. Spike meanwhile was in the process of breaking down his comic book shelf. He overheard LunaMoon420's voice, and reluctantly walked over to his computer and switched his mic on to talk to her.
"What" he replied with a slowly, aggravated grunt.
"Welcome to Dark Souls."
