Tsunderplane was at my door, banging it with something, before I even woke up. The sun wasn’t even all the way down yet. It wasn’t a pleasant wake-up call.

And it hadn’t been a pleasant day’s sleep, either. The Princess’s little dragon had indeed set them up with rooms – separate rooms, thankfully … as soon as they’d managed to wake him up and convince him that they weren’t strange vagrants trying to freeload on Princess Twilight’s hospitality. But even though this crystalline castle was grand and beautiful, it was cold and largely empty. The rooms they’d been shown to were just as sparkling as any others … but they were also bare, inhospitable places. Each contained a single bed with insufficient blankets, an armoire, and nothing else but high, intimidating ceilings and chilly, crystal-glinting walls. It looked impressive, but the Princess could stand to do more to make her guest rooms actually hospitable.

Tsunderplane banged on the door again.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” I shouted at the door. She banged on it again anyway, and I shook my head at her impertinence as I drug myself out of bed and blinked at the late-afternoon sunshine coming in through the window … and also through the wall.

When I finally opened the door – after taking my time getting myself awake and brushing my mane down to something presentable and after a lot more banging from Tsunderplane – I found her outside in the hall, her wings crossed in front of her fuselage, and looking at something far down the curving hallway. She pointedly refused to look at me.

“Hi, Tsunderplane,” I said.

She yawned theatrically.

“So… Um, what was all that banging about?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes.

I took a deep breath, and I tried to force myself not to get upset. She was a strange creature from another world. It was … okay if she acted strangely from time to time. Closing my door behind me, I went over to her. “Were you trying to wake me up so I could take you out on that date?”

“Like I’d really want to go on a date with a pony. Pfft.”

“But…” I cocked my head to the side as I tried to figure out what she was up to. “But you seemed really interested in it yesterday. And why else would you be here, banging on my door when it’s way too early in the evening?”

“Fine!” She stormed down the hallway in a huff. “If you want a date so bad, I’ll go with you, sheesh!”

I hurried after her. “But… But why would you…?” By the time I caught up with her, though, I was already to the point where I could shrug that off. Tsunderplane was just being Tsunderplane. Why should I bother questioning it?

She hadn’t been storming off that quickly, anyway … it was almost like she wanted me to catch up to her. And once I could see her face again, I saw that she wasn’t storming, not really. She had a huge smile on her face, and she was humming to herself happily and tunelessly.

Before long, we were going through the exit of the castle. I used my wing to shade my sensitive eyes from the orange, lowering sun.

Here, Tsunderplane finally stopped. She pivoted back and forth in mid-air, looking around the town. “So, where are you going to take me? It had better be good.”

I had no idea where to take anyone on a date in Ponyville, much less someone with needs as … particular and unique as Tsunderplane’s. How was I supposed to know? I’d never been here before, and I certainly didn’t know if they had any good restaurants or anything. Maybe I should have asked that little dragon about it before I went to sleep…

Too late now. Without knowing anything at all about it, I guessed a direction at random, where the town seemed the thickest. “Let’s go that way.” I could only hope that we’d find something in that direction that I could claim to have been leading us toward the entire time.

All around us as we walked – well, as I walked and Tsunderplane flew – ponies turned and stared. I was kind of used to that already. Bat ponies are rare in towns like this, and ponies tended to stare… But not this much! It was Tsunderplane drawing all of the extra attention, of course. The ponies here had probably never seen, or even heard of, anything like her before. Almost everypony we passed would stop and stare. Some of the foals pointed, and they would either squeal or scream, depending on their individual temperaments.

Tsunderplane ignored all this attention, and I decided that if she could ignore it, so could I.

Unfortunately, we were already nearing the other edge of Ponyville – it wasn’t a very big town. And I hadn’t seen any sign of a restaurant or theater, or any other kind of place where I might plausibly have been planning to take someone on a date … much less someone as difficult-to-please as Tsunderplane. Each step became more and more tense as I saw the end of the street we were following approach closer and closer. At the end of it was clearly a hospital, and then just open fields beyond. I couldn't tell Tsunderplane I was taking her on a date to a hospital!

I couldn’t stop and ask anypony, either. How could I stop and talk to ponies who were staring and pointing like they were? How would that conversation even go? I’d probably break their brains when I mentioned that I was taking Tsunderplane out on a date.

The last intersection came up, and the hospital loomed even closer ahead. I looked desperately left and right down the side-street, hoping against hope that there would be something.

There! Despite the glare of the sun, when I looked down the street that led west, I saw a bunch of mushroom-shaped tables outside. That had to be some kind of cafe!

Smugly, I glanced over at Tsunderplane. “Come on, we’re almost there. This way.”

She quirked her unibrow at me, but followed easily enough.

Once I got to the cafe, I realized that this was more of a fast food place, a place for a quick and cheap meal for ponies on the go. It was almost deserted at this time of day – evening was a time for long, elegant dinners, not a hayburger and fries.

Still, I didn’t see any other options around, and as weird as it might be, it was still sort of the kind of place where a pony might go out for a date.

I waved my hoof at the place. “Here, let’s grab a table.”

Tsunderplane glanced critically all around, giving the place, the tables, the other patrons, and even me what almost amounted to a stink-eye.

I cringed, thinking to myself how offended I’d be if somepony took me to a date at a place like this…

But then Tsunderplane’s expression softened, and I remembered that she knew nothing about this world. She didn’t know what this place was like. She didn’t even really know how dates were supposed to go. Heck, it might have even been possible to convince her that a hospital was an appropriate place to take a date.

Things improved even more when the waiter came out to our table. Not only was there a real waiter – not just a counter where you gave your order – but he looked fancy! He was a yellowish earth pony stallion with an elegantly slicked-down midnight blue mane and a matching mustache that he obviously kept immaculately trimmed. Diffidently, he laid menus down in front of Tsunderplane and me. He didn’t even stare at such a strange customer!

But when I looked at the menu, I knew this was no place for a fancy date, certainly not a first date. The most expensive thing offered was only six bits, and everything had an optional side of hay fries, as well as a ‘super-size meal’ option.

“Why did that strange pony hand us papers?” Tsunderplane asked. “I thought we were here to eat.” She tried nibbling on the corner of the menu, but then made a face and spitted it out. “This isn’t as good as apples. Why would we come here? It’s terrible.”

I lean close and whisper gruffly, “This isn’t the food!” After glancing around, I’m at least pretty sure that nopony saw her trying to eat the menu. There aren’t many other patrons here at this time in the evening, and the ones who are here are studiously looking at anything other than Tsunderplane. Hopefully we won’t be ruining anypony’s evening just by being here.

Well, other than my own, of course.

“Well, then where’s the food? The dragon said that dates have food.”

So that’s what Tsunderplane and Spike had been talking about while I was trying to sleep. Figures. I wondered what else the little dragon had told her about dates… It would probably end up becoming clear all too soon. For now, though, I needed to keep things under control. “This paper lists the different kinds of food we can order.”

She looked at it. “It’s just a bunch of weird squiggles.”

“You…” The thought of it gave me pause. “Wait, you can’t read?”

“Of course I can read! But why would I be able to read your weird little pony squibbles? Look at this junk – half of it is just little stars and heart shapes!”

“But you can speak Equish just fine…”

“Sure, because you ponies are really just speaking the common language. Everyone knows it. But these squiggles – that’s just ridiculous.”

I shook my head. What writing system could possibly make sense without stars and hearts in it? But, anyway, I had bigger problems to worry about if she couldn’t read it. “Do you need me to read it to you?”

“No.” She stuck her nose up. “I’ll just teach myself to read these squiggles and hearts. I’m sure it will be fine.”

By now, I knew her well enough to know what that meant. I scooted my haystack-chair around the table and over right next to hers. This was just so I could point things out on the menu as I read them to her… But it had another effect. Being so close to her was interesting, given what happened last morning before we went to bed. I wasn’t touching her, not exactly, but there was something about being so close, kind of an aura of being around her that made my fur stand up and my wings tingle.

I tried to ignore it and focus on the menu. “So, it looks like they have hayburgers, with and without cheese. Daisy and daffodil sandwiches, with a side of carrots. Deep-fried apple fritters. Blueberry muffins and bran muffins…”

As I pointed things out on the menu, jabbing my hoof at each one, Tsunderplane grew increasingly distant. Not physically – if anything, she actually got a little closer – but she seemed to care less and less about anything I was saying.

Before I even got to the end of the menu, she slapped it out of my hoof and crossed her wings in front of her chest. “I don’t even know what any of these things are! And I’m not hungry anyway.”

The waiter came out again, passing right by our table to deliver a steaming plate of apple fritters to another table – an elderly mare and her stallion, plus two bouncing foals who seemed utterly delighted with the incoming tray.

And they weren’t the only ones interested in it. Although she tried to hide it by turning her head aloofly away, I saw Tsunderplane’s eyes tracking the tray intently, and I saw her nose making sniffing motions.

When the waiter came by to take our order, I asked for a hayburger for myself, and I didn’t hesitate to order apple fritters for Tsunderplane. After all, I already knew she liked apples – whether she’d admit it or not – so that was probably a pretty safe bet, even without the way she’d been watching that tray full of them.

I didn’t move back to the other side of the table as we waited for the cafe to fry us up our own batch of fritters. It felt nice, somehow, to be here next to Tsunderplane. And this was supposed to be a date, right? Even though it was technically our first date, I felt like what we’d been through yesterday justified being a little closer and more comfortable with each other than on any other first date I’d ever been on. After all, she’d seen my— And, well, I’d seen hers, too … not to mention Princess Twilight in the mix. I shook my head, trying to clear out the uncomfortable images. This evening was starting to feel a bit too warm.

Tsunderplane looked over at me, at how close I was sitting. She quirked her eyebrow at me, but she didn’t say anything or tell me to back off. It seemed like the key to getting through to her was to get close, but not too close.

Before the awkward silence could stretch on any longer, I decided to break it. “So, um… What do you think of Ponyville? I’ve never been here before, either.”

“It’s really different than what I’m used to.” There was a strange quiver in her voice when she said that.

I looked more closely at her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Nothing! I’m completely fine! I don’t miss my home at all!”

Not sure if I should do it or not, but still determined to comfort her somehow, I draped one wing across her back. She was startled at first, but then drew even closer, letting me cover her … her, well, shoulder-type area. I took a deep breath. “Don’t worry. Tomorrow, Princess Twilight will find a way to get you back home, I’m sure of it.”

“Even she wasn’t sure about that.”

“Maybe not… But I’m sure about the princesses. Equestria’s princesses can do anything! You wouldn't believe some of the amazing things I’ve seen Princess Luna do. Did you know she can come in and visit your dreams?”

But instead of getting interested in Luna’s dream walking like I’d hoped, Tsunderplane just stared off into the distance, into the fading sunset.

I didn’t say anything else. What else was there to say?

We just waited together, with her snuggling against my wing, as we watched the sunset and waited for our apple fritters.

* * *

Tsunderplane held her stomach and groaned. “Gaah! Why didn’t you tell me that apple fritters were so delicious?”

I’d thought them being delicious was supposed to be a good thing.

But, of course, there was always the possibility of having too much of a good thing. The cafe’s apple fritters weren’t the best I’d ever had, but they weren’t the worst, either, and they were dirt cheap. When she’d devoured one plate of them, we’d ordered another … and then another … and then another.

I probably should have known to warn her about overeating… But I didn’t know what her limits would be, how much food she actually needed, anyway. And I’d thought she would be able to know her own body well enough to stop eating when she was getting overstuffed. I’d let her have as many as she wanted, and that turned out to be a terrible idea.

She wallowed back and forth in the air on our way back to Princess Twilight’s castle, and she looked a little green around the nose cone.

Of course, she never once admitted to feeling sick, even though she blamed me for making her that way.

I guided her and helped her along, all the way to the castle, all the way up the stairs, and all the way to the entrance of her room.

We both stopped there, for some reason. I was sure that a little rest and time for digestion was just what she needed, but she kept looking at me like she expected something else. As the moment stretched on, it only grew more and more awkward. I looked across the hall at the door to my room and scratched the back of my head, running my hoof through my mane.

Finally, Tsunderplane huffed. “You’re supposed to try and kiss me! The dragon says so! You’re supposed to try to kiss the girl at the end of the first date, but you’re not supposed to have the sex until the third date. You’re doing it wrong!”

“What?” I stepped back a little. “You… You actually want me to kiss you?”

“NO!” she shouted a little too vehemently.

I blinked back at her after her outburst.

“You’re supposed to try, and then I won’t let you – then you’ll know I’m a proper lady, just like Rarity.”

Huh? What was even going on here? “Rarity? Who’s Rarity?”

Tsunderplane shrugged. “I don’t know. But the dragon said that Rarity is the perfect pony, and I should try to act like she would on a date.”

Shaking my head, I took hold of her wingtip and tried to lead her to her room. “Come on, let’s get you some rest.”

“No. Try to kiss me. You’re supposed to, or it’s not a real date.”

“Really? Come on, Planny.”

“No, do it!” Tsunderplane’s voice raised to a whining pitch, and her tail fins shook. “You have to do it!”

I sighed. “Okay, fine.” If this is what it took, so be it. It’s not like it was a mystery – I already knew she’d avoid me, trying to make me look and feel like a fool … but apparently, I wasn’t going to get her to take a rest without it.

She was up too high, so I had to actually pull down on her wing in order to be able to reach her. But once she was low enough, I went right to it, coming in close, keeping my eyes open so I’d see the moment when she darted away.

But … she didn’t. Instead of pulling away at the last moment, she came forward, her smooth metallic lips meeting mine. And it wasn’t just some short peck, either. She stayed there – while I stared at her, wide-eyed – kissing me deeply. She even slipped me a little tongue.

When we finally broke apart, Tsunderplane giggled and darted into her room, locking her door behind her.

I stared at that door for a long time, occasionally rubbing my lips with my hoof, remembering what it felt like to kiss her. It was strange, unique, unlike any pony I’d ever kissed … but it was also kind of nice.

Eventually, though, I turned and headed out toward Ponyville. I needed to find the post office and sent a report of the developments so far to my commander.

As I walked, though, I decided to leave out the part about the kiss.

Author's Note

This story is a commission for Loveless. If you'd like to get a commission of your own done, go to my Patreon page and sign up!

Commissioned by the artist vacuvung. If you wish to read this fiction alongside the illustration, click here to find out how https://www.deviantart.com/vavacung/art/Pay-What-You-Want-SECOND-WORLD-VOL-8-778020712