What Am I Doing With My Life?
It was just another day in the magical land of Equestia, the mane six sat around on a picnic blanket, enjoying the warm summer day. Spike was with them too, but he's only a side character, so whatever. Anyway, there they were, enjoying the warm summer day, blah blah blah, when suddenly, like a ominous fog cloud rolling into view, an ominous fog cloud rolled into view. It came slowly creeping, like it was trying to sneak up on them, which it was because all of the ponies (and spike) had rolled a 1 on perception. Now, with it being literally right next to the picnicking losers it lashed out a strawberry scented smokey tentacle, grabbing Spike around the ankles and dragging him into the fog. The girls finally took notice to their #1 doormat being taken and sprung into action, however they were too late. The fog began to zip away, even faster than Rainbow's bullshit speed and disappeared into the Everfree forest.
"Sayonara Niggas!" The fog bellowed out as it vanished into the conveniently ominous woods.
"Yehaw, I don't right tootin' shootin' know what in the texas cowboy rope 'em happened" Applejack let out, her dialogue filled with a thicker country accent and even more country nonsense.
"That smoke cloud just took spike!" Twilight cried out.
"Actually little miss purple-smart, it was a vape cloud. Also I'm a lesbian" Rainbow said, the last part being thrown in for offensive and comedic purposes.
"...." Said Fluttershy, her voice too damn quiet to hear.
"Exactly! We should look around for clues, that's a great idea Fluttershy!" Pinkie exclaimed as she suddenly wore the sherlock holmes hat and held a magnifying glass in her hoof and began searching around for clues.
"I think I found something!" Pinkie called out, causing the other ponies to stop grazing in the field and some over to her.
On the ground was a single piece of three-holepunched college ruled notebook paper. Written on it was the most horrifying thing the girls had ever seen.
"Oh sweet Celestia! Milk, Eggs, Cheese. I think i'm gonna be sick" Twibright called out, quickly taking Applesnack's hat and spewing into it, then replacing it on her head.
"Noooo turn it around" the author said, downing another shot of vodka.
"Oh, okie dokie lokie" Pinkie said, flipping over the grocery list and finding a threatening warning.
"...." Butterfly read, her eyes growing wide as she did.
"it says that the Meme King tok spike the his castle and is going to drown him in some kind of sauce if we can't save him in time!?" Twitlit said, panic beginning to overcome her.
"Well I reckon that we geddyup and go kick some armadiller tail yehaw NASCAR!" Apejape said, rearing up on her hind legs.
"...." Flutternutter said, gaining some confidence, but not volume.
"Yeah, Fluttershy makes a good point, why don't we just teleport to the castle and go from there?!" Plinko said jumping up and down like an epileptic kid.
"Alright everyhorsey, get close!" Tweedle-dee said before firing of a Deus Ex Teleportation Spell®.
And with that the group of mares were transported into a strange concrete structure, moving staircases running to the second level with glass windowed shops lining the- It's a mall, they're in a mall. Having teleported to this magical place, the girls began to ogle at the strange things displayed in some of the stores.
"Hey, look it's us!" Peepee exclaimed, pointing at a t-shirt inside of a store filled with other edgy things.
"Well what in Jesus's name is a catfish in a skillet Hot Topic?" Anussnake asked, pressing her pony face against the glass of the store.
Then there came a sound a light whirring at first that became louder and louder as it grew closed and closer. Then it rounded the corner on its Segway, a large fat man in a mall security uniform came zooming towards them like the Tim Allen movie Zoom, where he plays Zoom, the character in the Tim Allen movie Zoom where Tim Allen played Zoom.
"PeeP BeEP MemE CrEEp" he yelled out, still barreling towards them on his retarded ride.
"....!" Flutterfly yelled softy out, causing the other girls to follow her advice and scatter, confusing the mall cop.
The girls all hid and were able to escape their motorized pursuer, breathing a sigh of relief. Then they heard a attention getting *Pssst* from where the mall cop had Autobots rolled out of.
"Hey, come over her, I'm here to help" the creature said, looking like a man, but with three large red letters instead of a head.
The girls quickly snuck over to him, careful to not draw the attention of the patrolling diabetic.
"W-who are you darling, pish posh?" Rarity asked because the author had forgotten about her until this point.
"I'm here to help. Your friend Spunk is just through this door behind me!" the 'man' said pointing a thumb behind him.
"Well much obliged sugercube, you're really beans and cornbread nice" Pearpony said tipping her sullied hat at the man.
"Yep, glad to help. Now quick get inside before Paul Blart comes back, you can trust me, I'd never lie to you" He says, holding the door open for the confused mares.
"....?" Cutterguy asks quietly to the letter faced man before she leaves him behind.
"Oh, my name's CNN" he says closing the door behind them. "And you just fell into the Meme King's trap!"
"....!" Flutebuy exclaimed panically, turing around to her friends, but having to cover her ears as a warped bass boosted song began to blare throughout the room.
"We need to giddy-up and rustle our way outta here!" Slapablack said over the horrible music.
"There's a door over there darling!" Rarity screamed out, pointing a hoof at the bright exit sign hanging above a door across the room.
Slowly the girls made their way over to the exit, having to fight through the ear-bleedingly bad music. Finally they made it. On the other side was Spike riding around on a hoverboard, dual-wielding fidget spinners and drawing long drags from a vape pen. He turns to the confused girls and let out a maniacal laugh.
"Oh shit, whaddup!" He bellowed out, clicking on a virtual cookie over and over as a anthropomorphic bee buzzed around his head asking if he liked jazz.
".....?!" Yellow Pegasus asked angrily.
"Yes, it was me whomst've been the Meme King all along! Feels bad man, doesn't it!" He admitted blowing a grape flavored vape plume at the confused mares.
"B-but why Spike?!" Twilight questioned, desperately.
"Because you gay, L8tr BOI!" Spike said, spinning the fidget spinners above him and flying away into a pewdiepie video.
~THE END
Author's Note
I don't even give a fuck.
Leave a like if you liked the story, or if you want to spread this cancer to other unaware readers. I love all of you, I hope you enjoyed/hated this story!
~
Muddy
