Why You So Saxy?

by Gimmeguy

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1108

Spike has been training for years, and it's finally time for him to complete his life's work.

Spike has been training for years, and it's finally time for him to complete his life's work.

Published 2017-08-03 04:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-03 04:30:06 UTC

Saxiness Awaits

Don’t be nervous, today’s the big day… Spike thought to himself as he finished putting on his suit. I’ve been training for years… I can’t screw this up now!

Spike nodded, as if that simple action would give him the confidence needed to perform this arduous task. He grabbed his sax and some shades from the nightstand next to his bed and moved towards his door. Opening it just slightly, he peeked out, confirming that he was alone. Wiping some sweat from his brow, he cautiously made his way to the main room of the castle, where he’d be able to exit. Putting a hand on the door handle, Spike sighed in relief and pulled it open.

“Hi Spike! Uh… what’s with the saxophone and the suit?” Spike inhaled sharply, his hopes and dreams crumbling before him. This is it. He would never be able to perform his life’s work.

“Oh… hey, Twilight. I was just uhh… going to one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ parties?” Spike replied unconvincingly.

“Oh, okay then. Be back before nine,” Twilight said, walking past him. Spike couldn’t believe it. His lie worked. He could finally give his life meaning! Giddy, Spike ran out of the castle into the streets of Ponyville.

With a big grin, Spike looked around at all the ponies, and spotted a group happily chatting. After putting on his pair of shades, Spike readied his sax, licking his lips in preparation. He began playing the most epic song any of these uncultured pones had heard (https://youtu.be/lEA7QL-H6xk). Everypony instantly turned towards the glorious sounds of Spike’s saxophone and stomped and cheered. Then, still playing Spike walked toward the group of ponies that he had spotted. He stopped, and everypony went quiet. Pulling down his shades, Spike asked the ponies, “Why you so saxy?”

The ponies cheered, all of the ones in the group fainting on the spot. Spiked put his shades back on, and without turning his head, Spike pointed to another group of ponies and asked, “You… You’re so saxy… Why is that so?”

All of the ponies in the group gasped and turned to each other. “...He was talking to me!” A pony screamed out.

“No, he was talking to me!”

“Settle down folks, settle down,” said Big Mac, stepping forward. “I think we can all agree he was talking to me.”

The group erupted in a fit of yelling, screaming, and punches. “Spike! Spike!” A pony ran up behind the glorious and saxy Spike. “I love you! Please sex me!” All the ponies gasped.

“I’m sorry, sugar buns...” Spike apologized, turning around to face her. “If I have sex with you... I’d have to have sex with everypony...”

It was then that all the ponies in the crowd turned to each other, and chanted, “Do it! Do it! Do it!” Spike sighed. This was the path he had chosen. He had to do what the ponies wanted.

“Well...” Spike began. “If you insis—“

“Stop right there!” The crowd gasped as a blue and red baby dragon stepped out carrying a trombone. Spike turned to face the newcomer, adopting a neutral expression. He’d known that he would have competition from the beginning, so this wasn’t a huge surprise. “You may call ponies saxy, but I say that ponies have tromboners!”

Everypony began murmuring, clearly nervous of this new development. Spike simply took out a cigarette, lit it, and placed it in his mouth, approaching this blue dragon. “So you think you can bust in here and steal my glory, eh?” Spike questioned, looking directly into his eyes. “Well that’s where you’re wrong, son. This is my town. Get outta here.”

The blue dragon, unwavering, simply stated, “No.” The entire crowd took a few steps back, some even running away from the battle that was undoubtedly about to occur.

Spike pulled down his shades once more and asked, “What’s your name son?”

“Scaly. Why?” Scaly demanded.

“Because,” Spike said, pulling the cigarette from his mouth, “I don't want to kill some random guy. I want to know them first. My name is Spike.” Spike threw his cigarette onto the ground and stomped on it.

“Well, Spike, you can’t beat me. Many have tried, many have failed,” said Scaly, clearly overconfident in his abilities.

“Seems like I’m gonna have to teach Scaly here a little something about modesty,” Spike told the ponies, his sax taking on a greenish glow.

“Good luck with that,” Scaly replied, grinning. His trombone began to adorn an intimidating bright red glow. The two dragons stared each other down for a moment, neither showing any signs of fear or hesitation.

Time seemed to move in slow motion. Spike glanced behind him and saw his followers angrily glaring at Scaly, siding with him. This was why he decided to choose the path he did. This was what he lived for.

Suddenly, Spike lunged for Scaly, traveling at a decent forty miles per hour, closing the gap between them in only a couple seconds. He swung his saxophone at Scaly’s head, but right before it could land, Scaly blocked his attack with his trombone.

“You move pretty quickly, Spike,” said Scaly, taking a swing at Spike, which, due to the sheer speed of the attack, he was unable to dodge. “But I’m faster.” Spike flew back twenty feet, landing on his knees. He looked down and winced as he could clearly see where the trombone had dug into his body, blood pouring onto the ground below. Spike glanced up and noticed Scaly approaching. There was some shouting from the crowd of ponies and many ran off, but Spike didn’t care at the moment. He grunted as he stood up. “You’re no match for me, Spike.”

Spike didn’t look worried for a second, but just grinned back. “You think that’s the best I can do, Scaly? I’ve been training for years. Through those years I’ve tormented myself. Some may even call it torture. YOU WILL NOT STOP ME!” Spike lunged at Scaly again, but this time dodged the attack Scaly threw at him and responded with his own attack. It landed devastatingly on his head, brains and blood flying everywhere. Scaly’s lifeless body dropped to the ground. Only a small crowd of ponies remained, and they were completely silent, before one pony began stomping. Soon everypony was stomping for their glorious savior Spike the Brave.

“Now then,” Spike said, dusting himself off. “Who’s ready for sex?”

Meanwhile...

Twilight stared out of a window in her castle down at the scene below, her jaw nearly hitting the ground with how wide it was. “...SPIKE!”

Fin.