Author's Note

Warning

The following story is a set piece of really strange shorts that may or may not be canon depending on their insanity. It was also written at 2 O'Clock in the morning and contains foul language that may be harmful to some snowfla- I mean loving viewers. The author asks that you don't take anything personally, after all, it's April Fools Day. Enjoy

Star Phantom Shorts: An April Fools Edition

Star Phantom and General Jo stood on top of a massive cannon. BlueBlood was inside the barrel, tied up and gagged.

“Hi, I'm Star Phantom!”

“And I'm General Jo!”

“And Welcome to Star Phantom Shorts!”

The cannon fires, sending BlueBlood flying through the air, where he found a landing spot in the nearby pool.

“April Fools, Mother-” Jo never got to finish his sentence as a giant censor bar slammed into his face.

Break

Star Phantom vs. A Tree

Fight!

Star bucked the tree, but the tree didn't react. Star tried again, getting the same result. Star tried to use his powers to knock the tree down. But the tree stood strong. Star fired an ecto-blast, but the tree didn't flinch. Star then decided to use his super strength to lift the tree up, roots and all.

An apple fell, hitting Star on the head, knocking him out.

K.O.

The Tree Wins!

Break

It was simple. That's the only way Star could describe it. It had started out as a calming evening. A simple patrol, which lead to a very simple beating of the Box Ghost. A simple capture. A simple fly over the Everfree to dump Boxy back inside the Realm.

Boy how he wished it wasn't simple. As he neared the edge of town, the Blue Huntress pounced. She used her hoverboard, and a brand new scope for her blaster rifle, to ambush him. This lead to him diving toward the ground, and into the trees.

This did little to deter the Huntress, as she simply blasted her way through the branches and vines that the Everfree proudly grew. The Everfree would not take the pain, without giving it back. Star understood this, as he had trained many times in this forest. He knew it, and it knew him.

He left the trees and plants alone, using simple intangibility to go through them, or simply flying around them. The forest seemed grateful, as it ignored him in favor of the Huntress. That didn't stop her from landing a solid hit on his back. The blast impacted near his neck, sending violent spouts of pain up his spine.

The hafla slammed into the ground, leaving a trench along his path. He laid there, face down in the mud, as he waited for the Huntress to finish him off. The forest did not allow this. Instead, it protected him, attacking the pegasus until she was forced to pull up above the treeline, where she lost sight of her prey. With a growl, she flew home, a few scratches on her fur, but otherwise unharmed.

After minutes of silence, Star slowly stood. The pain was beyond excruciating, but he had to soldier on. He flew off toward the portal, and dumped his catch of the night before heading home.

It was simple. A simple patrol. A simple fight with a simple ghost. A simple catch, and later release. And finally, a simple chase, with a simple injury.

This was his new simple, and he grew tiresome of simple. Simple was becoming a nuisance.

Break

Luna stood on the balcony, the moon rising above the horizon as the sun lowered. It had finally become routine again, raising and lowering the moon. So routine that when something odd happened, it almost completely threw her off.

A black and white blur slammed into the castle wall, leaving a cartoonishly pony shaped hole behind. It didn't take a degree in science to know what that was. Luna immediately flew through the hole, and saw the pony she unexpectedly expected. Star Phantom, bruised and battered on the floor, covered in stone dust and debris. His body was so still, that the only indication that he was alive was the soft groaning coming from his mouth.

Luna used her magic to remove the debris, then lifted Star into the air. She then teleported to her chambers, just as the Guards in White agents flew in. They searched around the room, their scanners reporting nothing supernatural in the room.

“Premises Clear, no sign of target.” Agent M announced.

“Confirmed, Agent M.” Agent A responded. With that, the two agents left, none the wiser to the true whereabouts of their target.

(Insertanexpensivelyoverdonetransitionthatisn'treallyanimportantpartofthestory)

Star awoke with a moan, enjoying the softness that was his bed.

Wait, my bed is never this soft. His eyes opened wide as he shot up from the bed, looking around in every direction. The room gave off a soft vibe of elegance, and a strangely attractive nightly atmosphere. There was only one pony he knew who would have a room like this.

And she just walked out of what he assumed was the bathroom, wrapped in a towel as steam blanketed the floor. Her fur seemed disheveled, but the calmness on her face indicated that she was not panicking, a good sign. The mare noticed his staring, and gave a smile that did lead to family friendly content.

“Well, look at who's awoken.” She said teasingly. “I must say, you were a hoofful.”

What.

“It took me most of the night to properly finish, and mercy help the maids when they have to clean the sheets.”

What?

“Not to mention how much of you I had to clean off. You were no easy stallion, StarShine Phantom.”

What?!

The princess giggled at the look of horror on Star's face, knowing full well the implications of her words. “But I can safely say your injuries were patched up nicely, and should heal within a few hours. Thanks to your advanced healing ability.”

Star blinked. Oh… Oh!

Luna added a smug look to her face as Star realized what she meant, enjoying his embarrassment.

“Well… thanks, Luna. I owe ya one.”

“Tis nothing between friends Star.” The two smiled. “Now, care for some tea? The GIW are still around, so I wouldn't recommend trying to leave yet.”

Star nodded. “Right. Sure, please. Some tea sounds great right now.”

Break

Star spat out his drink at the story AppleJack just told him. “She seriously thought that we were-”

“Eeyup.” His twin gagged, remembering just how sure Twilight sounded when she made the claim. As if she would do such a thing as deplorable as dating her brother. What kind of sick, twisted pony would like that kind of thing.

In Another Story…

Star and AppleJack's lips made contact as they floated above the town of Ponyville, in full view of the town ponies.

“Oh Star Phantom. Ya make me the happiest mare alive, please marry me!”

“Oh AppleJack. I would gladly.” And the two were wed and had several half ghost babies. Luna found love in Ghost Blood, and-

Clockwork slammed the door shut on that universe, then locked it, then dug a hole, put the key in the hole, and built a home on top of the hole.

He shuddered at the thought that a disgusting universe like that could exist.

Break

NovaBright Apple awoke with a start, she had a nightmare where everypony was the opposite gender. Eek, it was hard to swallow an image of her twin brother being a mare.

I mean, could you imagine a world where she, NovaBright Apple, aka Nova Phantom, was a stallion. Like, ew!

It was almost as bad as the time she imagined herself being some weird ape like thing wearing clothes, and she lived in the future.

She had some seriously messed up dreams.

Break

It was Poetry Night in the Spirit Realm. All of the spirits and ghosts that reside inside were in attendance. The first one up on stage, was none other than the Box Ghost.

He cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the audience.

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue…

I AM THE BOX GHOST!
PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!!!

He gave a short bow and said “Thank You.” Then walked off the stage.

Break

And now it's time for Hunting Tips with Skulker.

“Remember Hunters. Always keep an a firm grip around the neck of your prey, cause if you don't, they can still breathe, and if they can breathe, they fight like the devil.”

This has been, Hunting Tips with Skulker.

Break

He's a Phantom. He's a Phantom. (StarShine Phantom)

My Little Pony, My Little Pony. Ah ah ah ah-

A colt's whose life has changed. Molecules rearranged. Ghosts are so deranged.

I used to wonder what friendship could be. (My Little Pony) Until you all shared it's magic with me.

Spirits don't stand a chance. Senses all enhanced. Powers so advanced.

Big Adventure. Tons of Fun. A Beautiful Heart. Faithful and Strong. Sharing Kindness. It's an easy feat. And Magic Makes it All Complete.

Unleashing all the freaks, onto his hometown streets. Tell everyone you meet. Flying through the walls. You can't see him at all. If they are big, or small, or tall.

Do you know you're all my very best frie~nds!”

He's Gonna Catch ‘em All cause he's StarShine Phantom. Gonna Catch ‘em All cause he's StarShine Phantom.

Gonna Catch ‘em All cause he's StarShine Phantom.

Break

I loved her. I obsessed over her. For years, Galatea had been the apple of my eye. Then Gear Head got in the way. He and I were friends long before we met her, he was an oaf, yet the two seemed to click instantly.

I grew jealous of their relationship, I hated watching them be together with every fiber of my being. I wanted Gear dead.

So I had it arranged. Gear would die in a horrible lab accident, and I would step in to fill the void in Galatea's heart.

Except it didn't turn out that way. She surprised him in the lab that day. She wanted to help him finish his latest project. A window to the other side. A spirit portal that allowed for viewing with no way for anything dead or alive to pass through.

The portal that I rigged to explode. There was nothing left to recover. Any hopes of survivors were vaporized in the largest explosion Equestria had ever seen.

In my grief, I went through Galatea’s belongings. Stuff she left to him.

It was there that I stumbled upon a book. The book that contained a spell to bring back my love. I did everything necessary, and performed the ritual spell.

Galatea appeared before me, but not in the way I expected. She knew I was the one who killed her. I don't know how, but she knew. The mare I loved glared at me, hissed at me, then finally entered my body, intending to destroy my soul. I closed the book before she could fully possess me.

But I wasn't quick enough. When her spirit was destroyed, she left something in me.

It fills my veins as I write this, my last entry before it consumes me.
The mare I loved, killed in the crossfire, and brought back from the dead, left her hatred in my heart.

But that hate has no target, no pony to lash out on. So now I'm beginning to hate every pony. I'm filled with the need to make others suffer. My rage has become unquenchable.

To any who reads this. Please. End the suffering I know I'm inflicting. Please, forgive this foolish stallion and grant him mercy.

Break

StarShine Apple awoke with a start as Granny Smith burst into the room.

“You Son of a Bitch!’’ She shouted, her voice sounding strangely masculine as she did. Star flinched back as she shoved a plastic bag in his face.

It was a sandwich bag filled with oranges, and a pear.

Break

Diamond Tiara stood perfectly still, becoming a statue. The reason was because Star Phantom used the Ghost Stare on her.

He turned to you and winked.

Break

Explosions and gunfire echoed across the barren battlefield. The once beautiful landscape has turned into a charred wasteland that now serves as the frontline between the Equestrian and Changeling Armies.

“All units, pull back to position Charlie immediately! A Nuke Launch has been reported nearby! I repeat, Plane in the Air!”

The message repeated on the radio of the overturned jeep, but was ignored by the soldiers using it for cover. The three were pinned down by a changeling machine gun position on the hill above them. A stallion took aim with his submachine gun and fired a small burst. He quickly took cover before the enemy fired back.

“Dammit!” The mare next to him shouted as she clutched the wound of their third member. “We're going to die! I don't wanna die like this!”

“Quiet!” The stallion shouted. “We're not going to die. We'll be alright, okay?! Just think about how we're gonna get outta here!”

“And how to we do that, oh fearless leader?!” The stallion was stumped by that question. He didn't know. They couldn't clear away the machine gun position in time. It had view of the whole valley, so they couldn't just run and pray.

Oh Sweet Celestia, they were going to die.

A loud explosion broke him from his thoughts, he turned his head up to see the machine gun position smoking. His eyes moved up further, and the sight before him was awe inspiring.

Star Phantom, the poster colt of the Halfa Program, floating above them with his ecto gun still pointed at the position. A moment later, the halfa relaxed and looked down at the three.

They said nothing as the stallion landed before them, and stared at their wounded comrade. A few seconds of silence passed before he spoke again.

“You better hurry out. I'll keep the enemy distracted long enough for you to escape.” He ordered. The stallion stepped forward.

“And how do we do that?” He pointed to the jeep. “Jeep's flipped, and we can't run!”

Star blinked, then marched over to the jeep. He grabbed it with his hooves, and lifted it up. The soldiers watched in awe as Star Phantom lifted the jeep into the air, and stand it upright on it's wheels. The halfa patted the metal plating as he turned to face the group.

“Now get moving. That nuke is almost here.” They didn't waste anytime, helping their wounded comrade into the passenger seat while the mare climbed into the back.

The mare was about to thank him, but the halfa was gone. No doubt he was off fighting the changelings, buying time for them to escape. They drove off, watching as the nuke went off miles into the air. It never hit the ground, for something, or somepony, intercepted the plane that was carrying it.

Break

“Hey BlueBlood.”

BlueBlood ignored the stallion, choosing instead to eat his cereal.

“Since you're eating fruitloops, does that make you a cannibal?”

BlueBlood spat out his food in shock as Star Phantom hunched over laughing. A vein popped in the unicorn's forehead before he transformed and shouted “I'm going to r*** you!”

Star screamed in fright, and took off into the air.

“Don't you f***ing run away from me!”

Break

In the Everfree Forest, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Twilight was placing signs on everything that proclaimed it Ghost Hunting Season!

She laughed maniacally as the last sign was placed, and just in time, as an earth pony stallion appeared from thin air, blaster in hoof.

“Ah, good. Great timing. Ready for Ghost Season?” The unicorn asked innocently. The stallion nodded enthusiastically.

“Perfect, now the rules are-”

“Hold it right there!” From the trees above, appeared Star Phantom, a Ghost Season sign in his hoof. “What is this?!” He demanded, gesturing to the sign.

“It's a sign informing others that it's Ghost Season, Inviso-Bill.” Twilight explained importantly. “Now shoo as I explain the ground rules.”

“But it ain't Ghost Season. That's next week.” Star pulled out another sign, this one reading Pony Season. “It's Pony Season.”

“Ghost Season!” Twilight argued.

“Pony Season!” Star rebutted.

“Ghost Season!”

“Pony Season!”

“Ghost Season!”

“Ghost Season.”

“Pony Season!”

“Ghost Season!” Star argued.

“Pony Season!” Twilight rebutted before facing the confused hunter. “Now fire!” The Hunter was confused, but obeyed. He aimed at Twilight and fired.

Twilight stood there, fur burnt to a crisp, glaring at the Halfa, who only floated there with a smug look on his face.

“You're despicable.”

A circle appeared around Star as music began to play.

“Ababab-da Dat's All Folks!”