On the outside world, Pinkie Pie and Smallfoot were walking down the streets of Canterlot, hand in giant robot hand. As the sunlight streaked down onto their skins and the grass gave way to their feet, both of them couldn’t help but smile.

“I really appreciate you helping me Pinkie. But are you sure you’re okay with this?” Smallfoot lifted a metal brow. “You don’t got anything else to do today that you rather do? Wouldn’t you rather hang out with Jazz?”

“Nah. Besides, Jazz is too busy with Optimus and the others.” Pinkie shrugged. “That, and it’s a ton of fun to get out of the office every once in awhile.”

“Uh, I don’t think that Optimus’s base really counts as an office, Pinkie.” Smallfoot twisted the servos of her arm.

“Yeah it does!” Pinkie chided. “It’s got all those computers, dusty old corners, and lots of junky emails about getting your hard drive en—”

“—Okay, too much information, Pinkie!” Smallfoot replied quickly. “But if we can change the subject, where exactly are we going?”

“Oh, well I was going to head home and take care of the Cake Twins while Mr. and Mrs. Cake go out to get more stock for the coffee shop.” Pinkie pulled out a fluffy pink wallet with a picture of both Pound and Pumpkin’s faces. “Aww… I always get fuzzy when I see these two together.”

Smallfoot’s green eyes squinted as she looked at the picture. A smile crept on her face. “Aww…”

“Hey. That’s made me have a thinky-pink moment!” Pinkie smiled and turned to Smallfoot. “Do Transformers have babies?”

Smallfoot scratched her chin, “I… I don’t know. I’m not even sure if bots from Gobotron have babies. But I do remember some guys from Lithone who had kids...”

“And… might it be possible for you to have kids?” Pinkie fluttered her eyelashes innocently. “I mean, you are a girl Gobot…”

Smallfoot blushed. “Well, I’m not sure we can uh… well, reproduce as you humans can. And that’s coming from a cyborg. But, no I don’t think I can have kids. Maybe by adoption, I can, but as the natural way goes… uh… no.”

“Aw, c’mon, sourball.” Pinkie Pie winked at and nudged Smallfoot in the shoulder. “Just because you’ve got cyborg parts doesn’t mean you’re all machine…” Her face floated back into an innocent smile. “That’s why Optimus Prime and the Autobots exist.”

“I may not be an entire machine. That much is true.” Smallfoot nodded. “I’m partially human like you, just not exactly 100% human,” Smallfoot replied, lightly tapping her armor. “Metal skin, not flesh. And I highly doubt I’ve got reproductive organs.”

“Well, do you have a magical opening chest trick that’ll prove if you have those things?” Pinkie leaned in close to Smallfoot’s chest.

“Uh…” Smallfoot stammered, “I’ve got lasers that pop out of my headlights?”

“No, I mean… never mind,” Pinkie replied. “If you still wanna see me playing with two cute little bundles of joy, I’m game, Smallfoot.”

Smallfoot grinned, “Actually, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to hang out with you. I’ve been talking with Sour for a bit, and part of me wondered what it would be like if either one of us were actual parents. So, uh… I wanted to ask if maybe, since you’ve got experience with babies, that maybe you could teach me some stuff?”

“Of course I’d love to teach you!” Pinkie’s face lit up almost instantly. “What do you wanna learn first?”

“I… I’m not even sure. I guess I want to learn as much as I can. If it’s not too much for you, that is.” Smallfoot replied.

“Hey. It’s no trouble, Smallfoot.” Pinkie came up to the door. “After all, babysitting is a piece of cake!”

“It’s official. I’m NEVER babysitting any kids ever again.”

Sour Sweet simply giggled as she crawled off without a diaper, as Indigo Zap snarled and leapt to her feet, beginning to chase after her. The teenage girl was about to scoop her up, but she tripped on another sprinkle of poop, causing her to tumble over Sour Sweet and smash into a steel wall. She was about to continue crawling around, but Indigo’s tumble turned on a TV to a kids show, grabbing Sour’s attention instantly.

Indigo laid back on one of the couches and groaned, using a wet towel to wipe her face clean.

She turned her head to see the rest of the girls came running through the door with bags hanging from her shoulder. They had just returned from a quick run through a Groundbridge and back to a store to grab some baby supplies. Her eyes could only bulge as she saw the state the room was in.

Indigo Zap clambered to her feet like something out of a horror movie, hobbling over to Sunny with flames in her eyes. ”You… you owe me, BIG TIME.”

“I’m sorry, it was a full crowd. We barely got out with someone trying to kill us,” Sunny explained.

“There was even an old lady who kept whacking me with her purse,” Lemon whined.

“Do you know what hell is, girls?” Indigo’s eyes twitched as her teeth gritted. She stepped aside and pointed at Sour. “THAT… THING is the scariest monster I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Sour simply laughed, clapping her hands at the shenanigans on the screen.

Sugarcoat tilted her glasses down. “How is a small baby a monster exactly?”

“Teletraan-1? Play them the footage.” Indigo hung her head and walked towards the couch.

“As you wish, Indigo Zap.” Teletraan-1 generated a video feed before the Shadowbolts, showing them every second that Indigo dealt with Sour. Starting with the mishaps of failing to change a diaper, to a rather long game of trying to catch an energetic little baby.

The girls jaws gaped as they couldn’t believe their eyes. Crystal Prep’s star athlete couldn’t even catch a single toddler.

“Be afraid, girls. Be VERY afraid.” Indigo Zap squatted down to Sour Sweet and put a finger on her head, prompting another giggle. “Forget dragons, forget magic, even zombies are less scary than this little monster.”

The girls stared awkwardly for a moment before speaking.

“Okay, I understand that babies are a bit of a challenge, but they can’t be that hard. Right?” Lemon asked.

“You ever seen that Kim Possible episode where she has to deal with those babies, Zesty?” Indigo asked, with silence following. “Think that, but just with one, and she’s not trained like some kinda baby-super-soldier.

Sugarcoat raised an eyebrow. “Indigo, do you mind clearing that up for me? I haven’t seen that episode, and I’m not even sure how much of a terror you’re describing.”

“I think Teletraan-1 does a better job than I do, Sugarcoat,” said Indigo.

Sugarcoat still stared at Indigo awkwardly, blinking a few times in between.

Indigo sighed. “Whatever. You got the supplies, right?”

“I think we do.” Sunny Flare looked back at everything. “We got the towels, the diapers, powder, some toys… did anyone remember to get warm milk or baby bottles?”

Sugarcoat scrunched her eyes. “Lemon Zest was supposed to get that…”

“Oh come on, I tried! I was nearly killed trying to get it!”

“Look, I’ll go back to the store and get those two. Hopefully no one will kill me on the way out.” Sugarcoat groaned.

“Sugar? You’re not mad at me, are you?” Lemon asked.

Sugarcoat looked back at Lemon with a deadpan look on her face. “No, I’m upset because Chestnut Magnifico can't cover her motel bill.”

With no other response, Sugarcoat stepped out of the room, leaving the three girls alone with the baby.

The show eventually ended and Sour turned back to the other girls, cooing and babbling gibberish as she crawled towards them.

“GAH! NOT AGAIN!” Indigo screamed in a pitch so high that she might as well have been a sound effect. Diving behind the couch, she shivered and clutched the edges as Sour toddled to her friends. “May goddess have mercy on your souls, girls…”

“Come on, Indy. She’s not that bad,” Lemon said, reaching down towards Sour. She picked her up and smiled at her. “Hey, little girl. It’s me. Auntie Zesty.”

“Auntie Zesty…” Sour cooed as she tried to reach for Lemon’s face.

“Coochie, coochie, coo!” Lemon began to tickle Sour Sweet, making her squeal and flail around, laughing all the while.

Sunny couldn’t help but smile. “She is kind of cute.”

“Not if you’re me, she’s not…” Indigo sunk behind the couch.

“I think she likes me.” Lemon grinned.

With a quick drive to the Sweet Shoppe, the place that Mr. and Mrs. Cake worked, Pinkie stepped out and Smallfoot converted back into her alternate form.

“I think you’re going to need to shrink down again.” Pinkie Pie craned her head up at Smallfoot’s large body.

Smallfoot smirked, and she pulled out a small little device from her back. “I’ll set it for… how about two or three hours?”

Pinkie grinned, “Works for me.”

“Okay.” She slipped the device onto her chest and set the countdown timer. “Shrinking down… now!”

The device zapped Smallfoot, and her body began to shrink down to the same height as Pinkie Pie. As soon as it finished, the noise began to whir down. Now Smallfoot was around the same height as Pinkie Pie.

“Better than ramming right through the shop as a walking giant.” Smallfoot walked through the door with Pinkie in front of her.

When the two of the, entered the cafe, the sweet smell of delicious baked goods filled the air and coiled around their noses, trapping them in a cage of marvellous pastry scents.

“Mmm! Smells like fresh cake!” Pinkie grinned from ear to ear.

“I wish I could smell that.” Smallfoot smirked.

“But you can eat though, right?” Pinkie turned her head to Smallfoot, almost banging her head against the door frame as she walked towards the stairs.

Smallfoot nodded. “Yep. I love Earth food! Just don’t let me have too much ice cream. Or milkshakes.”

Pinkie tilted her head with confusion.

“I uh… I tend to eat a lot of ice cream whenever I’m really depressed. Like uh… like the time when I found out Road Rage came here on Earth and my trauma with her back on Cybertron kicked back up again.” Smallfoot blushed on both cheeks.

“Just like Rarity!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I remember when we had to shoot this music video a while back, she went to this bar once and I could just smell the ice cream in her mouth when she came back.”

“Ooo...kay?” Smallfoot tilted her head.

“Uh, long story!” Pinkie leapt to the top of the stairs. “Anyways… wait, why did you get depressed over Road Rage?”

“She was, uh… my ex.” She looked away and began to reflect on her past. “But, that stuff is long over, and we’re good now.”

“That’s great! Now come on!” Pinkie beckoned her cyborg friend.

Smallfoot walked towards the open doorframe, and smacked the top of her head against it. “OW!” she groaned, rubbing where she had bumped it. “Should have gone in a little smaller…”

Carefully moving up the stairs, she found Pinkie Pie standing at the top in another room. As she walked in, the sounds of two babies cheering hit her ears as well.

Smallfoot had a big grin on her face as she saw the two babies. One wore a blue onesie and had black hair, while the other was in a pink one with golden hair and a blue bow in said hair.

“Awwwww… they’re so adorable!” Smallfoot squeaked.

“Smallfoot, say hello to Pound and Pumkpin. The Cake Twins!” Pinkie scooped them both up and held them against her chest.

“Awww... “ Smallfoot said as she walked over and beamed at the two babies. Her own eyes sparkled as she looked at the two in her arms. “Oh! Do you want me to hold one? Give you a free hand?”

Pinkie was about to say something, when the stench of messy diapers hit her nose. “Ooh! Actually, you can help me, Smallfoot.” And she handed Pumpkin to her. “We’ve gotta give these two babies a quick change before they stink up the place!”

“Sure thing. That’s what I’m here for, right?” Smallfoot followed Pinkie to the changing table and mimicked every action she did, from undressing Pumpkin, to opening the messed diaper and tossing it into the trash.

“How’s that?” Smallfoot asked.

“Good.” Pinkie pulled out two more diapers from the pack below. “But that’s the easy part. The hard one is actually putting a new diaper on the babies.”

Smallfoot nodded. “I understand.”

“First, we’ve gotta make sure that the diapers are powdered up nice and soft.” Pinkie took a bottle of baby powder and squirted it down onto the new diaper. “We don’t want either of them to get a rash.”

Smallfoot repeated the same actions as Pinkie Pie, making sure she followed every step that was instructed to her.

“Now that we’ve powdered them up, slide the diapers under their little butts, then pick the bottom end up like this.” Pinkie held it up and placed it against Pound’s tiny waist.” Hold it down gently, grab the ends, and make ‘em all kiss like this.”

“Uh, I don’t think these things can kiss, Pinkie.” Smallfoot chuckled meekly as she did the steps herself.

“Now. Last part. Make sure to pull the waistbands on your new diapers super tight so that they fit snugly around the baby’s waist.” Pinkie pulled hers. “And last but certainly not least, we give them a super-cute sticky strap!” Pinkie applied one to Pound’s diaper like a post-it note. “Pound’s has clouds on it because I know how much he loves to fly.”

Smallfoot nodded. Once again, without any errors, she pulled through on all of Pinkie’s instructions.

“Okay, I think I’ve got Pumpkin’s diaper all set,” Smallfoot replied. She finished by adding a sticky strap with lots of teddy bears on it.

“You’re a natural, Smallfoot.” Pinkie smiled and picked Pound up. “I’d say handling babies is gonna be a snap for you and Sour.”

“Maybe.” Smallfoot picked up Pumpkin and looked to the ceiling. “Huh. Wonder what she’s doing now…”

Sugarcoat had jumped through the Groundbridge portal, having finally finished doing the shopping she needed. All she would have to do is try and make it back to the lounge again without being caught.

Carefully tip-toeing down the hall, she checked every corridor for anyone that was near. But as she made a turn around a corner, she found herself looking up at a bipedal figure taller than her, with blue legs and a red chest.

“Sugarcoat.” Optimus stood proudly before her. “What brings you here to our base?”

Sugarcoat’s eyes widened. “Optimus. I thought you were training the new recruits.”

“Sunset told me she could handle it. And I have every faith in her that she will train them well.” He nodded. “But going back to you now. May I repeat my question?”

“My friends tried to help Wheeljack with an experiment, but it went a bit out of hand and now we’re cleaning up the mess.” Sugarcoat wasted no time. “I can’t tell you anymore, as I want to be respectful to the other girls in keeping it a secret from Smallfoot in particular.”

“I’m afraid I do not understand.” Optimus replied. “But are you girls okay?”

“Yes. We are all well.” Sugarcoat pushed her glasses closer to her face.

Without anything else to say, Sugarcoat walked past the Autobot leader with hesitancy.

“Hmm…” Optimus said to himself.

“Before you start thinking about it, we’re dealing with a harmful energy wave that’s fatal to Autobots but not to humans.” Sugarcoat piped up from the other end of the corridor. “Arcee inquired about it too and Lemon Zest tried to lie by saying it was an EMP, even though an EMP is considered an explosion and not confined to a small area of the base.”

Optimus raised a brow as Sugarcoat continued to scramble away, but he just turned his head around and walked off.

As soon as the coast was clear, Sugarcoat came back into the same lounge where the others were.

And found that Indigo Zap was hidden away in a corner while Sunny Flare had fizzled hair and Lemon Zest was trying to get her headphones back from Sour Sweet, who wasn’t giving them up no matter what moves the two of them made.

“What… the heck… happened?” Sugarcoat asked.

“Your guess is as good as mine, Sugarcoat.” Indigo came out of the corner. “I was hiding away for most of it.”

“Sugarcoat. I hate to admit it, but Indigo Zap was right.” Sunny tried to brush her hair back into her traditional bowl-cut. “Sour Sweet is terrifying.”

“She’s not terrifying, Sunny!” Called Lemon as she got her headphones back, only for Sour to swat them off and pick them from the air. “Oh, c’mon! I just got ‘em back!”

“Great. I leave you girls for ten minutes, and then this happens.” Sugarcoat grumbled, plucking Sour from Lemon Zest and handing her back her headphones. “My little sister is easier to deal with than this, and she’s five. How the three of you can’t handle an infant is beyond me.”

Indigo huffed. “I wish Wheeljack’s machine turned you into a baby, Sugarcoat. Then we wouldn’t get salt poured into the wound every ten seconds…”

“You would still get salt from Sour, you know.” Lemon added.

“Yeah, but at least Sour Sweet has a good side to her.” Indigo argued. “Sugarcoat doesn’t care about anything just as long as she can point things out like the rude girl she is…”

“You got something to say to me?” Sugarcoat gritted her teeth. “Say it again. Only, I’ll bring a Dinobot on your butt.”

“SHUT. UP.” Lemon Zest strangled Sugarcoat with one hand as her evil side came back. “Don’t. You. Dare. Sugarcoat.”

“GIRLS!” Sunny yelled. “Is it really worth trying to kill each other over this!? I don’t like this as much as you do, but we can’t be trying to kill each other this. As far as I’m concerned, Wheeljack is the one who’s at fault here! He’s the one responsible! We just have to put up with this as much as we can, and make sure her partner doesn’t find out, and if any of you got any problems with this, I will call all of the Dinobots out on you!”

Everyone fell silent. And they remained that way for a long while. Sugarcoat was dropped back onto the ground as an uncomforting void of silence washed over all of them. No-one dared say anything else, make a snappy retort, or try and win the argument.

“Maybe she’s right. What are we getting mad about?” Indigo finally broke the silence. “I mean, so Sour’s a baby. It's not her fault. We can do this. We’re the Crystal Prep Shadowbolts, for pete’s sake! We can handle a baby, no sweat!”

“Correction. I can handle a baby.” Sugarcoat sat down, patting Sour on the back. “Indigo hid behind a corner, Sunny Flare must have had difficulties as well, and Lemon Zest lost her headphones to Sour. It’s time to show you noobs how a REAL teenager looks after a baby.”

“I give her half an hour…” Sunny grimaced.

“I’ll give her eleven minutes…” Indigo added.

“I wonder what Smallfoot’s doing now. You think she’d be good with handling a baby?” Lemon asked.

“The only thing I’d be curious about is whether she’ll murder us for not telling her what happened,” Sunny said, “But part of me does wonder how Sour will see Smallfoot. She obviously sees us as her aunts.”

“Let’s not think about that.” Sugarcoat shook her head. “Now. Let me show you all how it’s really done.”

Author's Note

Oh, Sugar, Sugar, Sugar...