When You're Gone, I'll Think of You
As I walk through the halls of this castle alone, I gaze upon the vast tapestries, banners, and flags aligning the crystal walls. I could see their intricate details, depicting symbols of my cutie mark, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and the land of Equestria itself. My eyes peer towards the light being shone through the glass window panes, each depicting how my friends and I defeated Lord Tirek, Nightmare Moon, Queen Chrysalis, and King Sombra in glorious, brightly colored fashion, like how any piece of art would tell the tale.
I look around, and everything I see reminds me of where I came from and what I’ve done, but there’s something about it all that bothers me. There's an aspect about this place I haven’t been able to put my hoof on. I don’t think I quite know it, yet, but it’s something that’s been driving me crazy!
Maybe a little bit too crazy, I mean, I can’t wrap my mind around it! Why don’t I like this place? It’s huge! It’s ginormous! It’s perfect for the vast number of books, journals, and other written sources being sent to me by my mentor, Princess Celestia. I mean, it’s not like I had another place to put them since my last home completely blew up, burned, and crumbled to the ground.
I simply don’t understand what’s bothering me!
No, I don’t miss my old home! I mean, why should I? It’s a bucking tree for crying out loud! It’s all, tree-ish, you know? It’s full of leaves, wood, and, and more wood! Yeah! It’s a tree! And who would want to live in a tree anyways?
Who wants to live in such a place where you built your first fond memories of the five greatest friends you now know? Who wants to sleep in such a building where you spent so such time learning about the true meanings of friendship? I mean, I wouldn’t! I would, instead, love to have this castle I occupy now! Yes! This castle is absolutely perfect for the pony princess I am!
I mean, I love it! I love it so much that I’ve been doing everything I can to not be inside it all the time! I mean, why would I want to wander down these halls like I’m doing right now? Why would I want to gaze upon the vast amounts of glistening crystals which make up the building structure? Pssh! Please! I could be doing better things right now.
I could, you know, be going out and spending my time walking around downtown, yeah! I could be going out on the town, telling other ponies about how wonderful my castle is! It’s a beautiful castle! A huge castle! It’s the best darn castle in all of Equestria! I have every right to boast about it all I want!
That’s right! I have the right to go around Ponyville, telling all my friends, and pony folk alike, about the crystal castle I own, love, and live in! I love it so much! It’s perfect! It’s amazing! It’s so much better than that old tree house, right?
I stop dead on my hooves, in the middle of a long hallway. A thought seemed to utterly creep right through me. I shuddered at the mention of my old home, the Golden Oak Library.
I mean, it is, right? Is my castle better than that old hunk of wood? Is this home better than the first place I got to know and love in Ponyville? Is this castle, the most gorgeous, stunning, and outright beautiful sight I’ve ever seen, better than my old home?
…
No! It can’t be! That’s just stupid! I said to myself, shaking my head before stomping a hoof against the floor. What an atrocious thought! Of course, a castle is better! Idiot! I mean, it’s bigger, grander, and more spacious than my old, rotting place I called home! Screw that place! I thought, trying to dismiss it from my mind with a wave of my hoof. I don’t need it anymore!
Yeah! I don’t need it's comforting warmth, or it’s welcoming atmosphere! I have my castle now! It’s perfect! Its main entrance is ten times better than what that stupid treehouse could ever produce! Can it hang large decor off its walls? No! Can it shine like a glossy beacon of friendship every morning? No! Can it be admired like an icon for all ponies throughout Equestria? No! That dumb treehouse can’t do any of that!
My castle is better than that no good, never welcoming, straight up splinter giving atrocity that adorned Ponyville for over a century! My castle is now the new best thing! No-pony, including myself, has the right to question that thought! If they did, then they can kiss the shiny part of my flank!
…
I mean, yeah, they can’t question it. I’m a princess!
I began to walk down the hallway just a little bit more, making a turn before ascending the stairs towards my bedroom. On my way up, I saw the framed pictures of all the recent activities I’ve been up to over the past few days. It seemed as if I was a very busy pony, now that I’m looking back upon them.
In one photo, it showed me and Fluttershy washing all the animals around her cottage. In another one, it showed me covered to the brim with dirt after I dug up so many holes with Applejack on her farm. Meanwhile, in a third, I could be seen organizing a gem drawer with Rarity. Lastly, one showed me and Rainbow Dash hanging out before we raced each other for the fourth time.
Those events were certainly fun, and I loved each one. However, my friends kept on asking me if I was ok. I always replied by saying I was fine! I mean, why did they need to worry about me? I have nothing to hide! I have no reason, whatsoever, to be avoiding my castle and hanging out with them! I repeat, I have no reason, whatsoever, to be avoiding my new home and hang out with my five best friends I’ve ever known. Right?
I mean, what reason did they have that I can’t come up with?
It’s not like your old treehouse?
Well, duh! No, it isn’t. It’s better! It’s a castle!
You don’t feel the same about your new home like you did with the old?
Of course not! They’re just buildings after all.
Are you sure that you’re ok?
Never been better! I have nothing going on, in my life, that’s making me feel not ok!
I’m fine! I’m just, a little, you know? Empty maybe? I mean, it’s a huge castle after all, and walking these halls can make you feel tiny, so why not step outside and not feel so miniscule? I mean, I don’t like to feel so small, so why not just cherish the sunlight at little bit? Why not go help a friend out? Why not do something you’ve never done before?
I mean, I don’t want to stay cooped up in this space all the time! I need to breathe! I need to get out and see my friends! I need to do something! I need to, I mean, I want to-
I...I...I
....
I stopped midway on the staircase, hanging my head low.
I give up.
I needed to distract myself.
It’s just, I need to stop thinking about it, you know? I need to stop thinking about, well, that thing that keeps bothering me. I need it to stop! I need my mind to stop dwelling on my old home. As of now, I want to say it feels like it’s been on my mind forever!
Heck, it’s been there ever since I walked into my new castle. It’s dwelled there when I was moving in, unpacking my stuff, and organizing the large shipment of new books Princess Celestia sent to me. It clung onto me when I knew, after everything was done with my move in, my castle still felt small, despite all my stuff occupying it. Now, it lingers, even after I got out and went around the town helping others.
I slumped my body towards the steps, resting it upon the stairs. I buried my head with my forehooves in shame. I feel so powerless.
It just lingers there, as an unpleasant thought. It’s an idea which says, “This place will never feel like a home to you. This place is only a substitute! It will never fill the hole left in your heart by the old library. Instead, this place will remain as empty and as meaningless as its existence in the first place!”
That, that can’t be true! It just can’t! This place is my new home!
It’s where I’ll make new memories and friends, learn about new friendship lessons, and not dwell on the fact I lost something near and dear to me! Yeah! That’s what will happen! I can make the best of this! I’m Twilight Sparkle, and I can make anything work out in the end!
Or can I? I mean, this new castle has a large section for the books sent to me, but I don’t know if I’d like to keep them all for myself. I guess, if there is one good thing I liked about the Golden Oak, it was the fact it was open to everyone. Anypony could come right in, browse through the vast collections of different volumes, and then check out whatever book they find. Now, no pony can do that anymore.
It seems like all the books now belong to me, and I don’t feel it’s right. Books are knowledge, and are meant to be shared with everypony! I can’t keep them for myself! I mean, it wouldn’t be fair to anypony else if I hogged all the novels, journals, and other written works to myself! No! They must be shared!
Yet, the layout of this place is so confusing! I mean, I’m no architect, but why the heck was my study built deep within the castle itself? It makes no sense! If I’m going to share my books with Ponyville, wouldn’t I want my study to be easy to access? Of course, I would!
But, no! It’s built so deep into the castle that if I just put out signs leading ponies to where the library is located, then they would have to walk through nearly half of the first floor’s layout! I’m tired after nearly walking a quarter of it, let alone half of the first floor! It’s ridiculous!
Plus, I need all that space for other things. Things such as living space, parties, private rooms, and much, much more! I can’t block all that off so ponies can walk through it, making their way into the study! It’s wasting space, my energy to set all the signs up, and sign money!
…
I sighed, picking myself off the ground.
You know what? You know what could really save me such a headache? You know what could save me from going through all the trouble I’ve put myself through? It’s simple, really.
I should have saved the Golden Oak Library.
I hit my head against the wall beside me. Why did I teleport back to my home? Why didn’t I just spawn at some other location? WHY DID I CHOOSE TO PUT MY HOME IN HARM'S WAY?!
It’s all my fault. No, really, it is. I don’t blame Tirek. I blame myself. It was my poor decision to teleport back home. It was my poor decision to let it be within his aim. It was my poor decision to evade his fireball and let it hit the old library. I should have casted a powerful shield spell, thus preventing the Golden Oak from being blown up.
But, no! I dodged the attack, grabbed Owlicious, and flew out of the library right as it exploded behind me. It’s all my fault! As a result, I saw my old home burn to the ground, along with my books. I saw all my old memories be reduced to nothing more than ashes. Now, they’re just dust in the wind.
I facehoofed. Why didn’t I cast that shield spell?! Why didn’t I think straight in that moment?! Why didn’t I save the library?! If I saved the library, my old home, then my current problem wouldn’t exist in the first place! Ponyville would still have a library and I would have my castle! Seems fair? Right?
I wouldn’t lose anything, thus having more to gain! I mean, my friends seem to think so. They think things would have turned out for the better if I saved the library, thus Ponyville would still use the Golden Oak and not have to come experience the frustration of my castle’s layout! It’s perfect! If only the Golden Oak were still around...
But, no. My negligence destroyed the place.
At the top of the stairs was another photo. It depicted the Golden Oak Library back in its heyday, when it stood proudly in the center of Ponyville. However, now, the only thing left behind is a burnt section of the original oak tree, a few torn books, and my hoof prints from all the times I visited it after the disaster. I seem to spend too much time there, but all those memories from living there seem to only come back to me every time I visit the old site.
Staring directly at the photo, I could remember the time I first stepped into the Golden Oak, amazed by the fact an entire library was carved deep into its trunk. My jaw almost seemed to drop by the volume of books which lined the walls, spiraling up towards the top of tree. I’ve never seen a more beautiful site, books tucked into the warmth of its own material.
At that time, I couldn’t believe it was my new home! And now, it was my home. It was my place of joy and comfort, where my friends and I could gather and talk about the vast number of subjects on our minds. It’s a place, where late at night, I could hang out on top of the tree, stargazing with my telescope. I could look into the heavens, making out each constellation and planet I could find.
Now, I can’t do any of that anymore.
The Golden Oak is gone. Besides the photo I have of the place, It’s now forever lost to Equestria. It only exists in my memories now, to which they are reminders of all the fun I once knew. I guess, I really guess, I didn’t know that joy could be tied into the roots of any building. I never would have guessed that after losing the Golden Oak, I would be grieving as hard as I am right now. After all this time, I never once considered how important my home was to me.
But, now… It’s gone.
I must live with that now. I must live with those memories now. As much as I want to, I know I can never revitalize the old Golden Oak. It must remain in the past. Do I accept that fate? Well, I don’t have a choice really. I must! I must accept it. I must move along and forget about that place, even if it hurts, drags, and stomps me into the ground.
I must move on!
I must, I mean, I can, or…
...sigh.
Maybe, I can’t. Maybe I’ll never be able to accept the fact I can’t get over the loss of my old home. Maybe I’ll forever be stuck in such a whirl of grief, not wanting to move on because I don’t wish to give up the Golden Oak! I don’t want to! I can’t!
I know it’s not within me!
I-
Erm…
Well...
Gah!
I give up.
Reaching the top of the stairs and looking towards my bedroom door, I realized I needed some sleep. Maybe it can help mellow over all these emotions that are colliding within me. My brain just seems so puzzled and jarred at this moment. Some sleep should really help.
So, I guess I’ll say good night.
Luna please help me.
One hour later…
“TWWWWIIILLLLIIIGGGHHHTTTTT!!!”
“I-ah...wa?”
“GET-UP! GET-UP! GET-UP!!!”
“Who-tha-wha?”
I crack my eyes open, only to see a bouncing, pink pony on my bed. Also immediately, I woke up my sleep-addled brain, wanting to know what and why Pinkie Pie was all excited for. To my surprise, I noticed that all my friends were in my bedroom as well, looking at me with eager smiles on their faces. Apparently, something must be going on, otherwise Pinkie Pie wouldn’t go through the trouble of waking me up so abruptly.
I wiped the dust from my eyes, “Wha-what do you guys want?”
“Come with us! Come with us!” Pinkie shouted, still jumping on my bed. “We have something to show you!”
I was still a bit dazed from the short amount of sleep I got. I yawned, “Show me what?”
“Yeah! Silly!” Pinkie tried to drag me out of my bed, tugging at a forehoof. “Come on! We don’t have all night!”
“Alright, alright!” I groaned, pushing away the covers. “I’ll follow you. I mean if all you guys are here then it must be something important.”
“Oh! It’s super-duper important Twi!” Pinkie hopped off and lent a hoof, helping me get out of bed. “Like so important that I swear it must be the most important thing of importance-important!”
“That important?” I tilted my head to the side.
Applejack nodded, “Eeyup! We’ve got something special for ya, Twi.”
I raised an eyebrow, placing a hoof to my chest. “For me?”
“Yes, darling.” Rarity smiled, “And we can’t wait to show it to you. So please do hurry up, dear!”
I shook my head, blinking a few times. “Well, alright then.” I waved my hoof, “Lead the way, guys.”
“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash held the bedroom door open.
Descending the stairs, I saw Fluttershy soaring above my head. She also had a smile on her face and was twisting and turning in every direction, obviously as excited as my friends for whatever thing they were taking me to see. I’ll admit, I couldn’t help but get caught up in the excitement as well.
I giggled to myself, they really seemed to have something special in store for me. Though, my mind had to wonder, What the heck are they taking me to see? What does this have to do with me? Is something happening right now that I need to witness?
I’ll admit, I didn’t have any slight clue towards what they were taking me to see. Sure, I could endlessly guess upon the possible ideas of what they had in store for me, but I didn’t want to ruin it or get my hopes up upon my expectations. So, for the most part, I decided to just roll with their excitement as we all made it to the ground floor of my castle.
One moment later, we were all outside, at night, and heading towards a small patch of land just a few hoof steps south of Ponyville. Now, the excitement between my friends had burned off. Instead, they were completely focused upon finding a specific patch of land they marked off.
“So, what’s all the way out here?” I asked them, my eyes wandering through the patches of apple trees.
“You’ll see,” Applejack replied, guiding the mares down a path towards their destination.
“Why is it out here?”
“Well, I needed to find a good spot for it to grow,” Applejack admitted, strolling up to the spot they reserved.
“For what to-”
My hooves stopped dead in their tracks. My eyes were completely fixated upon what I saw. I couldn’t believe it. Is this real? Is this actually happening?! Did they? Did they really?
Applejack then said in her most sincere voice, “This is for you, Twilight.”
Upon a small field, out in a valley near Ponyville, a large sign stood. Over the sign, a large blanket covered it completely, masking whatever message it presented. Lying on the ground, resting against the signs post, I saw a newly stitched plush. It seemed to resemble that of a small dog until I took a closer look at it.
To my surprise, it resembled my old doll, Smarty Pants.
I then saw a letter attached to the doll. I gasped. It’s a gift from my brother;
To my L.S.B.F.F (Little Sister Best Friend Forever),
I hope you like this gift I’m sending you. As you know, I love you unconditionally and still, to this day, will do anything to make sure that my little sister is always happy.
As you also know, the first Smarty Pants doll I stitched for you was meant to keep you company during all those nights you studied your homework. As your older brother, I feared you’d never make a friend and that you would pin yourself up alone someday. So, I made Smarty Pants for you. That way, I knew you had somepony besides me to keep you company.
I never would have guessed that so many years later, you’d move to Ponyville and find the five most wonderful ponies you call friends. Twilight, I’m so proud of you in more ways than one. I’m proud, as a brother, to have seen you grow up to become the best sister any brother could have hoped for. Also, I’m proud, as your friend, to have seen you find your own way into learning about friendship and how important it can really be.
I love you Twilight, and I’m also sad to hear about what happened to Smarty Pants as well. So please, take this new doll and let it remind you that I’m always still going to be there for you when you need me.
Sincerely,
You’re B.B.B.F.F. (Big Brother Best Friend Forever) - Shining Armor
P.S: Cadence wanted me write in that she loves and misses you as well!
I felt tears rolling down my face.
I held the letter close to my chest before gazing upon the newly stitched Smarty Pants. It looked exactly like the original one, except my brother sewed a heart around it’s chest. I assumed it was to show how much he did love me. I could only smile at the warm gesture as I levitated it up to my cheek to snuggle.
It felt soft, like my brother’s fur every time I hugged him.
With more tears falling from my face, I then turned towards my friends. They had gathered behind a small stem in the ground, looking at me with content, yet joyful glee. They were thrilled by the fact my brother’s gift seemed perfect for me, but they still stared at me with a purpose I’ve yet to know about.
“Twilight,” Applejack stepped forward, putting a forehoof on my shoulder. “I hope that gift from your brother doesn’t spoil you too much, because you have two more gifts as well. One from your friends and one from Princess Celestia.”
“I-I-a,” I mumbled, not able to speak words anymore.
“This is for you.”
Applejack presented a long, rolled up scroll to me, sealed by Princess Celestia’s red ribbon and gold, wax hoofprint. Gently setting my Smarty Pants doll down beside my hoof, I levitated the letter towards me and carefully tore off the seal. As it fell to the ground, I completely unrolled the letter, wiped the tears from my eyes, and began to read it to my friends.
To my dearest Twilight,
You’ve always been a shining pupil to me since the day you joined my school for Gifted Foals. In fact, in all my years of teaching, I’ve never seen such a prominent level of passion and determination to learn from any other pony except you. Twilight, it’s my honor to say that you’re always going to be the best and brightest pupil I’ve ever had the honor of teaching.
I owe it to you, my student. You’ve learned so much over the years about friendship that I’ve never had the chance to experience myself. I wish upon you to always take a moment to look upon your friends and know how lucky you are to have them. I’ve always longed to have close friends as well, but to see you succeed and surpass my expectations upon learning about friendship and growing a special bond between the five friends you have now… well, it satisfies my own desires as well. I’m happy that you’ve found as much value in friendship as I have.
How do I know this?
When your friends came to me with this idea they had in mind, I knew almost immediately that they cared deeply for you. No other pony would go through so much trouble to come to Canterlot, meet me in my throne room, and present such an idea for a friend as opposed to themselves. Twilight, these friends you have are ponies who care about your love and interests. They’re values that aren’t usually found among others.
They’re only found among close friends.
Twilight, you’ve been devastated by the loss of the Golden Oak Library. You’ve been completely lost after moving into your new home, and it seems like you never found peace within yourself even after a couple months have passed by. When your friends came and talked to me, they told me about how distraught you were with Ponyville not having a library anymore, and how you also felt moving into your castle. They were worried about losing the Twilight they knew because you seemed so clung to the past.
Well, if I could say something to you, it's this. It’s in the past now. We can’t go back and fix those mistakes. We can’t erase the errors which have occurred, but we can learn from them and try to make ourselves better. It’s how we can improve. Time and time again, I wished I could bring back my sister and try to repair the damage between our relationship. However, I couldn’t change what I’ve already done. She was temporarily gone, but I knew she would return one day.
Just like how the Golden Oak will return one day, but with a new name.
Twilight, your friends came to me to present, and for me to approve, the idea and land for Ponyville’s new library, The Shining Oak Library. I hope this place can help mend the hole left behind by the Golden Oak while giving a “book horse,” as your friends say, something new and exciting to look forward to. I can’t wait to hear the reports one day about this new place, for I’m certain there will be a pony who will be there to take great care of this wonderful, new library.
Humbly yours,
Princess Celestia
Applejack tugged against the blanket, letting it fall towards the ground. On the sign, I saw the words “Future Site of Shining Oaks Library” written and carved into the wood. Simply put, I was overwhelmed at that moment.
My friends cared for me so much that they did everything they could to silence my troubles and worries for good. To which, they did it in such a fashion that left me speechless, trembling on my hooves as tears once more fell from my face. What did I do to deserve five of the most amazing friends I’ve ever known?
I didn’t know, but there was one thing I knew for certain. As soon as tears fell from my eyes, all my friends surrounded me in a tight, warm hug. They were there for me, and I needed them more than anything else at that moment since my hooves seemed to wrap around them and not let go. They would remain there for quite some time.
After what seemed like an eternity, we all walked over to the stem and looked closely at it. Sure, it might not seem like much, but what it’s going to become one day will certainly make it seem worthwhile. In the meantime, I’m going to cherish my friends until then. They helped me through so much over the years, and this stem will be the greatest gift they’ve ever gave me. It’s not because of what it will become, but because it’s a gift that helped me to finally accept things that have happened.
Thank you, my friends, for taking the weight off my shoulders for good.
