Dear Mother:
How many times have I started this blasted letter? A thousand? Two thousand? I have literally lost count. Of my many lifetime sins, perhaps one of the most grievous is how many trees I sacrificed over the years to simply write two words atop sheets of paper, only to bawl them up and discard them…. Much the same way I felt discarded.
I certainly hope you can forgive my lingering bitterness. As much as I regret what I wrote in the last letter I mailed you, none of it was false, not to me. Regardless of how true or not true my claims had been, I should not have said such terrible things to you. I am sorry, Mother. I was sorry as soon as I sent the letter, and yet…. I felt compelled to let you know of my discontent.
Please don’t misunderstand, and please don’t stop reading. I promise that this isn’t going to be like my last letter. It will lack the venom that my youthful rage had ingrained within the words, but there will be pain in my message. Please, humor me, Mother.
First of all, I want to thank you for giving birth to me. I realize that I was not the mare you wanted me to be, nor was i the right species. Even now, I truly I wish I would have been born a unicorn, rather than take after Father. Don’t get me wrong, Father was a wonderful stallion, and I am proud that I lived up to his legacy. Fate is cruel though, for he would have been just as proud of me had i been born with a horn, rather than without. It is unfortunate that the same could not be said of you. Still, I am here because of you. So, thank you.
Had I been blessed with a horn and magic, then perhaps we could have been closer. Perhaps…. I could have been like Twilight Sparkle.
It would be a lie for me to claim that I’m not jealous of the Princess of Friendship, but i am not envious of her for the reasons one might think. I don’t care about castles, accolades, or glory. However, Twilight recieved things that I wanted most from life… your attention, your patience, your forgiveness, and your love.
During that one fated Summer Sun Celebration, you had chosen our town…. my town as the site for the most glorious of rituals. I remember thinking that you had perhaps seen it in your infinite and profound wisdom to forgive your foolish daughter at last. I had worked so hard, and you had even sent a helper to ensure the celebration’s success. If only I had known that your representative would be the one whom I longed to be the most.
I heard rumors over the years, about other star pupils, but none were like Twilight Sparkle. Even I am wise enough to admit she deserves to be your star pupil. Know this, had I had the ability to do magic, I would have devoted multiple lifetimes to mastering magic… if only to make you smile at me like you smiled at Twilight.
That is why I became a mayor after all. It was the only way that I could even come close to being like you. I had hoped that you would have noticed what a good job I had done with Ponyville, and I really did try my best.
No one , aside from your star pupil, could have seen the return of Nightmare Moon, and none could have saved your sister like Twilight either. By all accounts, she deserves to be the daughter you never had with me.
At the celebration, when you debuted Princess Luna to the citizens of Ponyville, I tried to get your attention. I tried to show you my smile. You never noticed me.
I wonder if you would have noticed me if I would have kept my natural hair color. After all, it was the same color you once had. Having your hair color only reminded me of the fragile relationship I had shattered with my stinging words. After all, it was those words that stopped your infrequent letters to me. It is my own foolishness that banished me into isolation. From my own research, I discovered that Princess Luna had a bout of foolishness that doomed her in a similar fashion.
Does my aunt even know I exist? I mean… she has perhaps seen into my dreams, but does she know that our blood is the same?
Does it even matter at this point?
I remember when I was a filly, and I was living with Father in Canterlot. Some of my fondest memories were when you used
to fly into my room at night, whisk me up in your wings and hold me close, and sing me to sleep. Do you remember that lullaby you used to soothe me with?
What happened to us? Why did those things have to stop?
You came to Ponyville so many times, and not once did you ever come to see me, or say hello. Whenever I tried to approach wherever you were, your guards would turn me away. Did they know that you hated me? Did they know that you wanted nothing to do with your bitter failure of a daughter? Perhaps not. Perhaps it was just the ripples I created in the giant pond of destiny. I should have been more understanding. I should have been more patient. Of all the things i had ever done, that is what i regret the most. I ruined the best thing I ever had...
Mother, I have never stopped loving you. I have never stopped dreaming of those nights when you would comfort me, and cherish me. I long for those, and I despair that they are long lost in the vast river of time. I’m sorry that I had been a bad daughter. I’m sorry I was so brash. I wish that you could forgive me.
I started this letter thousands of times, but I had to actually finish it this time...
Mother, I’m dying.
For the last year, I had been battling with an aggressive form of cancer, and no matter how many magical treatments I went through, or how many arcane potions I drank, the cancer would always return. I’m tired, Mother. I’ve given so much to this town, and they don’t even need me anymore.
After all, a princess lives here now. Princesses are always more important than mayors… always.
I’m not going to lie… I’m so scared. I don’t have a lot of friends or loved ones, mostly because I threw myself into my work… just like you did. I wanted to be like you so much that I now find myself quite alone.
Anyway, I don’t think I have anything else to say.
I love you, and I always will.
Your foolish daughter,
Mare-in.
***
It was a cool night tonight, and Mayor Mare laid in her bed, gazing out through her balcony doors. She blinked, and it took more effort than it should have. That was a sign. Would it be tonight? It had to be… please… oh sweet Celestia let it be tonight.
Her throat was dry, and she would have loved to take a sip from the cup beside her bed. Her body lacked the strength to reach for it though. This sudden weakness had embraced her about an hour after her nurse had went home for the night. Mayor Mare’s body had also lost some of its normal heat.
For just a moment, Mayor Mare gazed at the picture resting on the nightstand beside the cup of water. She was younger in the picture, and her pink hair had been styled like the famous and elegant mares of the Canterlot elite. She smiled.
The stallion beside her was an older earth pony.
“I’m coming, Father,” Mayor Mare thought. “I did my best, just like I promised you.” She had planned on speaking the words aloud, but she couldn’t summon the energy to do so.
Several tears dripped on to the bed, and she sniffled a little.
Slowly, her eyes drifted back to the balcony.
The doors were open, and a white-coated mare stood at the threshold between the open night and the chamber saturated with eminent death. The mare was taller than any other pony in Equestria. Her elegant white wings, which were extended seconds before, folded against her torso. The alicorn’s white horn pierced the stillness of the room like a needle.
Mayor Mare glanced up, and she urged every ounce of her strength to smile. Did her mother see it?
Princess Celestia moved across the room, closer to the bed, and the soft clop of her hooves resounded like thunder. She didn’t say anything as her horn glowed with a yellow light.
The same aura of energy cascaded around Mayor Mare’s body, and she was lifted into the air.
All Mayor Mare could do was watch as one of Princess Celestia’s wings flapped open and wrapped around her frail form.
The Princess leaned down, kissed the top of Mayor Mare’s forehead, and then gazed into her eyes. Two, radiant magenta pools glanced back at her. For a moment, the chillness that had plagued Mayor Mare’s body had retreated back momentarily. Great warmth encompassed her.
And then Princess Celestia started singing. Mayor Mare was brought in closer, and never once did Princess Celestia break eye contact.
“Hush now, quiet now,
It's time to lay your sleepy head,
Hush now, quiet now,
It’s time to go to bed…”
The weakness returned, and it was even stronger than before. Mayor Mare’s body shuddered, but she stared into her mother’s eyes.
“Drift, drift off to sleep,
Leave the exciting day behind you,
Drift, drift off to sleep,
So the dark dream might find you.”
Each breath became harder to draw in than the one before it, and yet…. This whole thing wasn’t nearly as frightening as what she thought it would have been. After all, Mayor Mare had her mother there.
“Hush now, quiet now,
Its time to lay your sleepy head,
Hush now, quiet now,
It’s time to go to bed.”
Tears fell upon her face from above, and Mayor Mare glanced up one last time. Blackness consumed the world around her, but in the center of the vortex of ominous mystery, her mother still reigned as a brilliant beacon.
The last thing she saw was the loving eyes of a mother… a mother who had never stopped adoring and caring for her earth pony daughter. A mother who perhaps wanted the rekindling of their relationship more so than Mayor Mare herself.
In her last moments, Mayor Mare felt sweet relief.
The end.
My Dearest Daughter
“Mother, I’m dying.”
Slowly, Princess Celestia lowed the letter, and she allowed her eyes to go unfocused. Her body radiated with a bitter numbness, and she said the words over and over again in her mind.
Mother, I’m dying.
Mother, I’m dying.
Mother, I’m dying.
Mother, I’m dying.
She finally let out a breath, and her exhale sounded profound amidst the silence of the empty throne room. As soon as her aide had informed her of whom the letter was from, Celestia had ordered everypony out of the area. Though she had not shown it outwardly, terrible dread had clutched her heart, and she dared not read the contents of the letter while in the presence of others.
How long ago did that last letter come? Twenty years? No…. it had been at least thirty….
Celestia closed her eyes. Thirty years, gone before she knew it. Why did this have to happen again? From the depths of her numbness spun a small sphere of great woe. It had been a long time since Celestia had last felt its terrible sting. Now, she would have to bear the mark of the sorrow once more.
“Push it away, Tia. Push it away and maintain,” said one of her inner voices.
“NO! Pushing it away caused this mess,” came her other, more spirited self. “Embrace it! Own it! Or you will wither in the weight of its memory.”
“Push it away!” The first voice cried again, although it sounded softer and more distant. “Push it away.” And now it sounded so very far away. “Push it away.” a whisper.
Silence.
The second voice sang out with a constant, melodious tone. “It is time for you to own this mistake. Own it before it is too late.”
Celestia glanced back at the letter.
“Mother, I’m dying.”
A small tear trailed down her alabaster cheek. Her eyes trailed the words that followed.
“For the last year, I had been battling with an aggressive form of cancer, and no matter how many magical treatments I went through, or how many arcane potions I drank, the cancer would always return. I’m tired, Mother. I’ve given so much to this town, and they don’t even need me anymore.
After all, a princess lives here now. Princesses are always more important than mayors… always.
I’m not going to lie… I’m so scared. I don’t have a lot of friends or loved ones, mostly because I threw myself into my work… just like you did. I wanted to be like you so much that I now find myself quite alone.
Anyway, I don’t think I have anything else to say.
I love you, and I always will.
Your foolish daughter,
Mare-in.”
More tears fell off of her chin, onto the elegant red rug that extended from her throne to the far doors.
Princess Celestia rose from the throne and drug her hooves along the marble floors as she approached the nearest balcony. Radiant colors spread across the sky as the sun dipped into the horizon. A blend of purples and oranges covered the land like a fine quilt. The sky itself still retained residual echoes of the day, but soon, the glory of the starry heavens would return.
Another wonderful soul would leave the mortal coil tonight and become a star, to forever guard the ponies of Equestria from the darkest of dreams.
“Why do you think I hate you?” Celestia asked into the quiet. “How could you ever think that, my dearest daughter?”
Celestia closed her eyes and remembered.
***
It had been a long day, and yet, Celestia didn’t mind it. The Equestrian Bit would still retain its economic strength with the surrounding nations, at least for the next ten years. It was a small victory, and one that had been won with extreme dedication. Tomorrow, she would have to negotiate for a more reasonable conversion rate between Equestria and Zebrica, but that didn’t matter now.
The responsibilities of tomorrow were left back in Canterlot. Right now, Celestia only cared about one thing.
She soared through the night sky toward a small town within sight of the castle. It had been a quant little place, far from the reach of the gossip mongers and royal favor-seeking whores. Canterlot was no place for little fillies to grow up in, especially when they had such prominent mothers.
Just like always, Celestia spotted the opened balcony doors to the two story home. Celestia’s heart soared as she sped up faster. Soon, she would be in the presence of the only little filly who mattered..
She landed without making a sound, and she stared into the dark room.
A pair of earth ponies gazed back at her. One of them was a rugged, but charming earth pony stallion named Public Policy, while the little pink haired filly was the love of Celestia’s life.
Mare-in grinned from ear to ear, and she sat up on her bed. The blankets had been wrapped around her like a protective cocoon. Were Mare-in’s eyes red and irritated?
Celestia stepped into the room. Before she had a chance to speak, Mare-in squeaked loudly.
“You actually came tonight!” Mare-in said.
Public policy nudged her with his shoulder. “I told you she would.”
Mare-in glanced back to her father. “But you say that every night. She actually came TONIGHT.”
Celestia trotted over to the bed, and with each hoofstep, her heart became warmer.
“I know I have been working so much over the last few days,” Celestia said. “But-”
“Weeks,” Mare-in corrected.
The grin fell from Celestia’s face. “Excuse me?”
Mare-in grinned up at her. “Weeks. It’s been weeks since you last came to sing me to sleep.” She turned to Public Policy. “How long has it been again, Daddy?”
The earth pony stallion chuckled and averted his eyes away from Celestia. “It’s been nearly two months.”
“T-two months?” Celestia asked. “I had no idea that much time had slipped by.” She smiled again, and scooped up Mare-in in her wings. “I promise I’ll come every night for a whole week.”
Mare-in cuddled a little closer. “I wish you could come every night forever.” The little filly sniffled. “I miss you, Mommy.”
Celestia’s eyes started to water, but she blinked away the tears. “I miss you too.”
Public Policy watched in silence as Celestia started rocking Mare-in back and forth within one of her wings. Her sweet voice pierced the night.
“Hush now, quiet now,
It's time to lay your sleepy head,
Hush now, quiet now,
It’s time to go to bed…”
***
Celestia sighed as the armor of numbness she had been embracing so tightly unbuckled. The sun had halfway melted into the horizon, but Celestia no longer gave the sun her attention.
Her horn glowed, and out of nothing appeared an old, worn letter.
She chuckled as soon as she saw it, but it wasn’t a sound born out of delight or amusement. It was something bred from years of regret and self-loathing.
Slowly, Celestia unrolled the letter, the letter she had read a thousand times since she first received it.
“Dear Celestia,
I’m not going to honor you with undeserved words like princess or mother. You are a horrid creature who has spurned me for the last time!!!
Thanks for not showing up to my five year mayor anniversary party! It was so fantastic having to explain to the town that my ‘special guest’ had more important royal duties to take care of. It’s not like this was the most important event in my career to date! It’s not like i didn’t have another parent there to support me. Oh wait…. IT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN MY CAREER TO DATE, AND SINCE DAD DIED, YOU’RE MY ONLY FAMILY!!!!
Can you even fathom in that ageless brain of yours how you make me feel?
Why do you always have to forsake me for THEM? I’m sorry I’m not a unicorn like Terrance Lulamoon, or Sunset Shimmer, but I deserve love too! Yeah, I know about your star pupils. And I know about the fabulous School of Magic Picnic that you had on the same day as my party.
My party was at night, at it started well after your picnic ended. Why couldn’t you find it in your heart to give me an ounce of your time? Why do you always over look me?
I should have known this would happen. After all, you didn’t even go to Dad’s funeral.
I hate you. You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and I wish I didn't have you as a mother. You’ve never made time for me. It was always broken promises with you. Do you remember that one time you told me you would see me every night for a week? I guess it took you a year to remember your promise.
Dad was wrong about you. You don’t love me, you never did! I was just some horrid little embarrassment to you, wasn’t I? Is that why I was forced to live so far from you?
You know what’s funny, Celestia? I can look out through my window and see the castle. Do you ever look out and search for me?
I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU! If I could, I’d move to another country, just so i would never have to see your stupid face again.
Thanks for being a great mother. You’re really good at it.
Sincerely yours,
Mayor Mare.”
With utmost care, Celestia rolled up the letter, used her magic, and returned it to her top desk drawer.
The sun was submerged now.
Celestia flapped open her wings and she took off into the sky. A great and terrible weight tried to pull her to the ground, but Celestia willed herself through the depressing force. The flight path she had chosen had been one she used to take whenever she would navigate to one particular house in Ponyville.
“Oh, Mare-in,” Celestia said. “What have I done? Why did I let time slip past me so quickly?”
The night had started to cool, and yet, it was nothing compared to the icy storm that had raged within Celestia’s heart.
Mare-in’s words echoed in her mind. “I’m not going to lie… I’m so scared.”
“Mother, I’m dying.”
“I’m sorry I was so brash. I wish that you could forgive me.”
“I love you, and I always will.”
Tears flowed out and flew back on the wind.
A familiar-looking house stood exactly where it always had… except the balcony door was closed. When was the last time it had been left open for her? Was she still welcome there?
Was it too late?
Celestia landed on the balcony and opened the door with her magic.
There she was….
Mare-in laid in bed, looking so alien and strange. Where was Celestia’s strong and willful pink haired filly? Who was this aged and frail creature glancing up at her with dazzling, hopeful eyes?
Mare-in smiled, and Celestia’s heart nearly shattered. There she was… the same smile that Mare-in would peer up at her with countless nights ago.
She had to be controlled, and she couldn’t afford to break down. For if she did, Celestia would waste what little time remained.
With calm hoofsteps, Celestia moved across the floor. The sounds of her hoofsteps resounded like thunder. No words were needed, for if she said anything, it would ruin everything. Celestia willed magic into her horn.
Mare-in’s body glowed as the aura of Celestia’s magic encompassed her. Celestia lifted her and cradled her in a wing, much in the same way she did fifty or more years ago. Time was such a strange thing, and it was defined differently for ageless creatures like Celestia. However, for wonderful souls like Mare-in, Time was measured in the limited number of smiles, heartbeats, and breaths.
She wanted to speak, but there were far too many things to say…. And Mare-in only had minutes at best. Instead of words, she merely bent down and kissed sweet Mare-in’s forehead. Celestia’s insides clenched like a fist.
Mare-in’s skin was colder, far too chilled for somepony Celestia loved more than anypony else. Why did it have to be this way?
A sudden thought occurred to her, and Celestia brought Mare-in all the closer.
Where had the time gone? Why did she have to endure the rapid decay of all that she loved and held dear? Had she the ability to turn Mare-in into an ageless alicorn, then she would have done so after her nineteenth birthday. Alas, not even Celestia had that power. She could guide those who were born with destinies to become exalted, but she could not change a pony’s fate.
She drew in a breath and started rocking Mare-in from side to side. Celestia locked eye contact with her beloved daughter.
“Hush now, quiet now,
It's time to lay your sleepy head,
Hush now, quiet now,
It’s time to go to bed…”
Mare-in withered before her very eyes, but Celestia dared not stop.
“Drift, drift off to sleep,
Leave the exciting day behind you,
Drift, drift off to sleep,
So dark dream might find you.”
Could Mare-in see the love within her eyes? Could she feel the adoration from her skin? Could her daughter ever find it in her heart to forgive her?
“Oh Mare-in,” Celestia thought. “My dearest daughter.”
Mare-in smiled again. Her eyes had become glassy, but the smile still radiated with the same brilliance as a noon day soon.
“Hush now, quiet now,
Its time to lay your sleepy head,
Hush now, quiet now,
It’s time to go to bed.”
Celestia couldn’t help but let the tears fall upon Mare-in’s face.
Mare-in’s chest stopped falling and rising, and she just hung there in Celestia’s grasp. The smile still remained on her face though.
Finally, Ceslestia’s words spilled past her lips.
“I love you, Mare-in…. And I always will.”
The End
